• simpliSAHM

    I’m sure your therapist will have a field day all right. Only you would manage to have a dream combining Brad Pitt and Mormon sacrament meeting! And throwing in Donny Osmond for good measure? Classically Heather.

  • jacqueline

    is brad pitt even allowed in sacrament meetings?

  • dooce

    He’s allowed in my sacrament meeting.

  • Sarah Cate

    “He’s allowed in my sacrament meeting.”

    And that’s where I added in my head: “IF you know what I mean.” ;-)

  • juliemewood

    you know, i totally heard that Brad was taking the discussions. :)

  • josephine

    Oh man, you just brought up a good reason to NEVER meet Gweneth, b/c I don’t know what I’d do if Brad was off my list!

  • mrswilson

    Thank you for making my day.

  • doobrah

    Apparently I have been reading this blog too long. I *knew* Gwyneth Paltrow was going to be part of the scenario. How about next dream have Coco spray poop on someone totally deserving. (You know who you are, Sarah Palin!)

  • tallnoe

    FAN-tastic. Thank you.

  • Brea

    I grew up watching the Donny and Marie show, and I had a small crush on Donny Osmond.

    Nice to hear that he’s making appearances again…even if it’s in a dream.

  • WVKay

    Celebrity dreams are so disconcerting. I don’t have many, but Johhny Depp has made a couple of appearances. The most recent was sex with Don Draper. It was going pretty good until Betty caught us.

  • Meaghan

    I would imagine Brad tasting EXPONENTIALLY better than Michael Lohan. Bleh.

  • Blahggy

    Does this mean you’re secretly dying for lips like Angie’s? (or is that my desire? even though today my mom told me she hated her lips.)

    Dreams are awesome to write about. My COUSIN’s dream was so awesome that I’m about to write about it. It includes her brother’s boyfriend’s new hobby of TAKING STUFFED ANIMALS, SKINNING THEM AND MAKING THEM INTO COATS – not part of the dream. That part is true. And I will have an accompanying photo. So excited. I just got permission to use the photo today. :)

  • austinmomof7

    I had a dream last week and in it, my husband totally pissed me off. When I woke up, I knew it didn’t happen, but I could not help myself. I was mad at him all day long. He kept asking what he did to make me mad and I just told him that if he didn’t know, then it just made me more angry at him. He still doesn’t know what the hell he did, other than marry a crazy person. A very fertile crazy person.

  • HeckYes

    That’s effing awesome!!! I think you roasting Brad Pitt in sacrament meeting is about the only thing that would get me to set foot into a Mormon church building again. So, let us know when that’s gonna happen and I’ll be there on the front row. I’ll bring the Cheerios and goldfish.

  • Sneeka

    Sounds like Inception. Was Leo there at all?

  • napangel

    You have an awesome mind, Heather.

  • gitana

    did you know that if you do a google image search for Mormon celebrities the first picture that comes up is a super cheesy 1970′s looking Jesus…..I was just having a looksy because I was all like dude! there has to be a hotter mormon out there than Donnie Osmond…

  • Shannon H.

    I think BECAUSE you and Gwyneth are such good friends now and have bonded, she would think it rude of you to remove Brad from your list. Since I don’t know her, I’ll keep him on mine.

  • Mrs. Q.

    I would have enjoyed that dream. Lately the ONLY dream I have is that I show up for a final test and I’ve never been to a single class. And I’m naked.

    At least you have a therapist.

    (And I have every Martha Living ever printed. It’s the only thing I collect, as I hate collecting. Reading that makes it seem even more crazy. Whee!)

  • knewlyknitting

    Your face. If you can choose only one, (and you feel the need to cover anything), you cover your face.

  • Soft Kitty

    It’s really too bad you had to take Brad off your list. Is Chris on your list or is he off too?

  • Cooky

    I love how you think on your feet even in your dreams. What a fabulous line.

    Have you been listening to Donny’s local radio show in the afternoons?

    Thank you for a wonderful laugh on Friday the 13th. You made the day great.

  • Nhiro

    I once had a sex dream about Edward Norton, whom I had never, up to that point, even considered to be in the running.

    I haven’t looked at him the same since.

  • Tracy-Oklahoma

    I went to Kickapoo High School in Springfield, MO with Brad. He graduated in ’82 and I graduated ’83. I was in choir with him for 3 years and was friends with him. He was (and is) a great guy. Always a lot of fun and he always had a huge smile on his face where ever he went. He’s not quite so preppy now as he was back then. We all knew Brad would go on and do big things….and boy, did he ever!

  • Lily Hydrangea

    You always make me laugh Heather.

    The last dream I remember having involved living garden gnomes.
    I’ve always liked gnomes, but dreaming about them? It was just too weird.

  • Anu

    Forget Gwyneth Paltrow, even if Angelina Jolie was my BFF, Brad still wouldn’t get off my list. There can always be one exception to every rule :)

  • MonicaH

    Ok, so a few nights ago I totally had a dream that I had a blog but I couldn’t think of what to write, so I was just copying and pasting your blogs into mine! Then after I had published them I got worried because I had remembered that one post when you had mentioned Jon finding someone who had plagarized you!

    Dreams are weird sometimes! :-)

  • Shana in Texas

    I received the Donny & Marie “action” figures for Christmas one year. Donny wore purple socks.

  • mommica

    You know what I can’t do in my dreams? Punch people. It’s a shame too, because there are so many occasions when it would come in handy. What do you think my therapist would say about THAT?

  • doublebuttons

    I recently had a dream that my parents sat me down to tell they were getting a divorce. The reason? Because my father did the math and steaks would be cheaper that way.

  • PlanetA


  • gretchie

    Boy, someone is stressed about finding witty things to say day after day on her blog – that her father reads – and her unconscious mormon sensibilities find deplorable.

    Relax, Heather. We all get writer’s block. Mine is so bad I don’t have a blog. :) We forgive you.

    So does Gwynyth.

  • apostate

    In my fantasy, I run into Brad at the family reunion. We introduce ourselves.
    Me: “Oh! So you’re related to the Vernal Pitts. Well I’m glad to finally get the chance to meet you. Thanks for making ‘Pitt’ cool once again.”
    Brad: “Cool?”
    Me: “Well, there were these kids…”

    In my dream, we are immediately transported to another time and place. We’re at the playground at my old elementary school sitting in a giant tire sticking out of the ground. I’m 10. I hear somebody calling me. “Hey! It’s Cherry! Hi, Cherry!” (snicker snicker snicker) Another voice says “Hey, PITT-bull!” Another yells “That’s just PITT-iful!”

    (They make bad sitcoms about this. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338647/)

    “Oh, hey, guys” I call in a nonchalant voice. “Have you met BRAD?” Those punkass elementary kids stare and their chins drop to the floor as Brad gropes my ass and sticks his tongue down my throat. “Come on, sweetie”, he says to me. “Let’s not waste time with these CHILDREN who have no idea how UNORIGINAL they are.” The look on those kids’ faces is priceless.

    We are then transported back to the family reunion. It’s the year 2004. “You are so HOT!” Brad tells me. “Run off with me! I must have you!”

    “Brad”, I tell him gently, “You’re a really special guy. Honestly. But I met you at my family reunion. Don’t you think that’s a little gross?”
    Brad: “I suppose”
    Me: “And besides… Your wife Jennifer is really great. Never do anything to hurt her like that.”
    Brad: “You’re right.” “I would be an idiot if I ever did anything to hurt my wife, Jennifer. Besides, INCEST IS GROSS.” http://intogossip.blogspot.com/2006/12/angelina-jolie-kissing-her-brother.html

    Me: “Atta boy”. “Thanks for helping me put those 4th graders in their place though.”
    Brad: “Any time. Say, these potatoes are DELICIOUS!”
    Me: “1 can of mushroom soup. 1 bag hash browns. 1 container sour cream. 1 package shredded cheese. Mix and bake. Corn flakes optional.”
    Brad: “Wow. I’ve never had anything so delicious!”
    Me: “Are you sure you’re decended from the Vernal Pitts?”
    Brad: “See you next year cutie.”
    Me: “Go home and kiss that wife of yours.”

  • Janice

    If you therapist is Freudian, they will likely tell you the people in your dreams represent aspects of your own personality…. which is a lot less exciting that Brad Pitt, but could you really handle six more kids?

    Your welcome

  • Grey.and.Vis.Mom

    apparently eating lots of cheese before you go to sleep causes insane dreams…. was there cheese on the menu last night?

  • TexasKatie

    That is awesome! You know, I feel better now telling you about the drean I had last night. And it was one of those all-night dreams, where I’d wake up and go “What the fuck” and go back to sleep and the dream would continue. Anyway, I dreamt I flew to Utah to stay with you – yes you, the Armstrongs. I was amazed at the splendor of your awesome house, but thought it weird I had to sleep on a pullout couch in the living room when you had like a few guest rooms. But I was at the blurbodoocery! So who cares! Well you threw me this huge party wherein you invited movie stars and other renowned bloggers. I started to wonder why you’d throw me such an extravaganza. Well we all got drunk and high (yeah, high) and I think I did naughty things with Tyrant (I know, weird). Then the day I had to leave it started snowing and we went cross-country skiing to the airport where you saw me off.

    It was the most vivid dream I’ve had in ages. Makes me wonder if I spend too much time at the Dooce community! Lol