Bootylicious Since 1742
The other day I was in spin class getting my butt kicked when the riff from the Stevie Nicks song "Edge of Seventeen" started playing on the instructor's playlist. And I was like, AWWWWW YEAH, MY BODY'S TOO BOOTYLICIOUS FOR YA BABE! Except, it wasn't Destiny's Child. It was the actual Stevie Nicks song, and right then I was like, I hope no one from Williamsburg or Park Slope is eavesdropping on my mind right now! HOW EMBARRASSING.
The title of this post was the tagline for the first masthead I ever designed for this website (It didn't make sense then. Still doesn't.)(I didn't start designing mastheads until September 2001. Before then I was a bit busy sowing my oats.)
Sunday marks the tenth birthday of dooce.com. Writing that sentence simultaneously blows my mind and makes me want to yell incoherently at some stupid kid to pull up his pants. Ten years. It's older than my first child. Older than the dog I adopted from a shelter in Pasadena, California a few months after 9/11. It's older than my marriage. I'm thinking it should go blonde to hide all its gray hair.
I'm heading out of town today, and since I am going to be gone through the weekend Tyrant decided to play a little trick on me yesterday. Luckily it did not involve setting my hair on fire. Aaaaaand great. Now that I've written that I've given him all sorts of ideas. PUT DOWN THE FLAME THROWER, DUDE.
Leta was just back from school and all of us were hanging out in the living room when Tyrant burst through the kitchen door shaking his head in disgust.
"Um… there's… did you guys feed something weird to Coco? Because she's over here cowering in the corner and there's a giant puddle in the dining room."
Dear Lord, seriously? Again? I've got a million things to get done before I have to leave and I'm going to spend the next hour on my hands and knees cleaning up dog vomit? Or maybe dog diarrhea? Is there a preferable option? YES, THERE IS. And that option is lying naked on a heated table while Zac Efron gives my shoulders a deep tissue massage.
HE'S LEGAL. Stop looking at me like that.
So I stomp over to the dining room expecting a scene straight out of Apocalypse Now only to see a dozen assorted cupcakes sitting in the middle of the table, ten birthday candles, and a small flag jutting up through the frosting on each cake, each flag printed with a message that bears great meaning to the evolution of this website.
How incredibly thoughtful of someone who once tricked me into thinking I had eaten my dead pet fish.
No, really. How unbelievable is this? The lovely people at the Sweet Tooth Fairy put this all together for us, and by us I mean all of the people living and working in this house, and you, you who have come on this wild, vomit-inducing car chase with me.
To celebrate this birthday, I would love to share these cupcakes with each and every one of you, even the readers who insulted my bathroom tiles, YOU, TOO. But since I can't I've decided to give away a $1,000 cash card to someone. (That's 10 plus a couple of zeros, see how clever that is? I came up with that all by myself. Calculus, you were worth it!)
This isn't some sponsored giveaway. This is straight from us to you.
So, what I want to know is this… dooce was a nickname I had back in my single days, the result of an idiotic, frequent typo I made when trying to tap out duuuuuuude in an instant message window. I know, it's not the greatest story ever told. In fact, I want to punch myself in the balls for you. Which is why I want to hear about yours. (Your nickname, not your balls. Unless you've got some Pulitzer Prize winning groin, and in that case I'M ALL EARS. )
What is your nickname, and why?
I'll pick a random winner from the comments which I'll close at 10 PM Mountain Time on Sunday night, February 27, 2011, and then announce the winner on Monday morning.
I can't thank you enough for the support you've given me over the last ten years, especially to those of you who helped me through those dark months in 2004 when you let me know I was not alone. I am alive because of you.
Thank you for helping me live a dream.
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FM Living
mcconk said:
I don't personally have one, but we have great nicknames for our two kids:
Abby became "crabba lunka pico"
Allyson became "Alla Dode" or just "dodie" somehow
Congrats on the anniversary!
Edited to add, I guess MCCONK is the nickname you were talking about! Duh. I am slow this morning. Mcconk is just a combination of my first and last names, and was the first email address screen name I ever had at a job.
02.24.11 - 07:38 AM / 1jenniferg said:
My name is Jennifer so the only nicknames I had were Jenni (yes, with an "I" and yes, I dotted that "I" with a heart) and Jen.
Boring.
But my username confused enough people that "ferg" might be a new one.
02.24.11 - 07:36 AM / 2mcconk said:
AW man, where is everyone? I didn't want to be FIRST this time; random number generators don't pick the FIRST comment! :)
02.24.11 - 07:36 AM / 3lori.ann.mcvay said:
I grew up on a farm, and am a pianist to boot. So, I'm a big-boned girl with big hands. My maiden name was "Bird". Somehow, a jerk that I went to school with started calling me "Big-Hands Mama Bird" - sort of like the Man Hands episode of Seinfeld. LOL Not that I'm bitter...
02.24.11 - 07:38 AM / 4RebeccaLand said:
Nothing fancy or great, everyone would just shorten my name and call me Beck.
02.24.11 - 07:39 AM / 5Anastasia_NYC said:
My nickname was Zsa Zsa because when I was born my mom insisted on calling me Stasha, which I couldn't pronounce - I said Zsa Zsa and it stuck with my entire family. Even now my grandma calls me Zsa
02.24.11 - 07:39 AM / 6MissCaron said:
Oh honey... I have loved this site so much... I loved "It Sucked and Then I Cried"... and I love you! I am so grateful there is a woman out there who can put in words all the things I've experienced myself within the scope of depression. Keep doing what you're doing... we thank you for it!
My nick-name in HS was Gerbil. Yes, I know. What The F??? It still doesn't make sense and the guys who gave it to me said they didn't know why either. All I can do is laugh about it :-)
02.24.11 - 07:40 AM / 7KeJeBr said:
My last name is Brown, so I've been called "Brownie" by many a friend!
02.24.11 - 07:40 AM / 8Jessica Eiden S... said:
My nickname was "Guh-Guh" because my little brother couldn't pronounce Jessica. Guh-Guh had various incarnations over the years and eventually morphed into "Caca".
I have four younger brothers, being called Poop is part of the deal.
I'm still called Guh-Guh at family gatherings and to the next generation I'm (affectionately?) known as "Auntie Caca".
02.24.11 - 07:40 AM / 9AnneWF said:
My nickname is Anne, as in Annie, but with no I. My given name is Elizabeth Anne. When I was born my godfather looked at me and called me Anne-Bananie and it stuck. That's okay, I look more like an Anne, NO I, than an Elizabeth anyway.
Fabulous blog. I love how real you are.
02.24.11 - 07:40 AM / 10sadkins said:
Mine is tater. From my husband...romantic, huh? He always called me sweetie, which somehow morphed into sweet tater, which has been shortened to tater. Love is grand! Congrats on 10 years!
02.24.11 - 07:41 AM / 11kelcut said:
First off - Happy Anniversary & I'm beginning to love Tyrant. How sweet was that?!
My grandpa always called me Rachel, even though my name is Kelly. At some family function, there was an older man who joked about EVERYTHING. After meeting me, he called me Rachel (to see how I'd respond). Trying to be nice, I answered & never corrected him.
They all thought it was so funny that I was Rachel from that day on. (Yeah, I wish I had a better story)
02.24.11 - 07:41 AM / 12Kate514 said:
Well.. I am glad to say that this is no longer in use... but in High School English I was Kate O'Buttcrack. My maiden name is O'Hara and a pesky little high school boy started calling me that! Years later he admitted that he always had a crush on me.....
Oh the joys of high school.
anyway - CONGRATS on 10 years. I have been reading for 7 of those.
02.24.11 - 07:41 AM / 13AllyO said:
My nickname in high school was "fish." And for the life of me I can't remember why. It was a marching band thing.
02.24.11 - 07:41 AM / 14zephyr826 said:
I teach French in a high school in Southern Illinois, so pronunciation has always been an issue for some of my dear, sweet students. For the first 3 years I taught, I was "Ma'am-zell", instead of Madamoiselle, but then I get married, and things have gotten so much better. Now, I'm affectionately known as "Mad-Mom". Madame became Mad-ma'am, and when I went on a rant about how it was pronounced "Mah-dom" instead of "maah-Damn", they switched it to Mad-mom. It's particularly fitting now, as we're expecting our first child in 6 weeks, and my students have born the brunt of my mood swings. So there you have it.
02.24.11 - 07:41 AM / 15anmatcoburn said:
Well, my full name is Anne Mathilde. I was almost named Cloud, and thank god that didn't work. I DESPISE people who spell my name incorrectly, and everybody can spell Annie. Other nicknames: Petunia (thanks, dad), Annabelle, Anoushka, Sweet Anne, Annie C...pretty much variations on a theme. Kinda wish that my nickname was something fierce. Like "Killer." Or "One-Eyed Jack."
02.24.11 - 07:42 AM / 16hudson6803 said:
Well, growing up it was Toots. And not because of what you'd assume. My dad always called me Tara tutu. And then shortened it to Toots. Then in highschool I had a few nicknames - Shortbee (maiden name sounded like Tall-bee) and Beans (again, not what you'd assume...but I'm sensing a pattern).
02.24.11 - 07:42 AM / 17willL said:
Knee-ner! (give me a break. you don't choose what ppl call you!)
02.24.11 - 07:42 AM / 18zeenes said:
I wish I had a nickname! The closest I ever got was people calling me by my last name.
Congratulations, Heather. I've been reading your blog since a few months after you started it, and I'm so proud of you. You've done so much in 10 years! And you're still funny to boot! ;)
02.24.11 - 07:42 AM / 19Lara said:
My nickname is KitKat, but only my dad every called me that. It's short for my middle name, Kathleen. Not very creative, but I always liked it.
02.24.11 - 07:43 AM / 20theripetomato said:
Twas Alias Incognito Scrotum
Courtesy of my big brother. How did he come up with this one?
Twas - because i had a stutter and once tried to read "twas the night before christmas" to my family
Alias - because my first name is Alisa and one time in second grade i spelled my name ALIAS on one of my art pieces.
Incognito - because that goes with Alias
Scrotum - because he was an adolescent boy at the time and obsessed with all things balls
lovely, no?
02.24.11 - 07:43 AM / 21yokocantspell said:
My nickname since high school has been Yoko. What can I say, I had a thing for boys in bands...
Here's to another 10 years!
02.24.11 - 07:43 AM / 22slappyintheface said:
Congratulations !!!
P.S. That thousand bucks would come in really handy on a trip to Blog World Expo in LAS VEGAS this year. I'm just sayin'.
My nickname in high school was Robocop (my maiden name was Murphy) but now I go by Slappy (for obvious reasons).
02.24.11 - 07:45 AM / 23Kcriglow said:
STD! And yes, that does stand for "Save The Day". I was the only girl on a girl's weekend with a working phone, so I said that they could just call me "STD, for Save the Day". Nope, didn't think that one through and yes, I'm pretty sure alcohol was involved. Now the name gets passed around (haha) to the most prepared person on the trip.
02.24.11 - 07:43 AM / 24mbryt1 said:
My nickname used to be Wilma Chamberlain - the female version of Wilt Chamberlain, basketball player. Because I was tall as a kid, is what I was.
02.24.11 - 07:44 AM / 25ladylozreena said:
Nickname: Lady Lozreena
...or Lozreena, Loz, Lozza, Lozzareena, Reena or Reenie - depending who is trying to get my attention!
All started with a friend calling me Laurs/Loz (my name is Laura). Most people call me this still.
That particular friend who started it is responsible for the rest and now only calls me Reenie. But over the years the name has evolved.
I got Lady Lozreena when I went to a friend's wedding and apparently looked like I was dressed as a fortune teller (flower in hair, big hoop earrings & an embroidered shawl!)
02.24.11 - 07:44 AM / 26Wendy Hill said:
I think everyone I know calls me something different. If it even slightly resembles my name some how, I'll answer. Winnie, Windy, Bindy, Gweny, Windo, Wendilynn, Gwendilynn, Gwenolyn, Tornado (I realize this doesn't fit), Wendilina, Wendell, etc.
02.24.11 - 07:44 AM / 27pinkcharlotte said:
My nickname is Charlotte. Years back when Fifty Cents released In Da Club I heard the lyrics wrong. At work one day I was telling a friend and co-worker that I loved the song and started singing the chorus, "Go Charlotte, It's your birthday." She started laughing and informed me the lyrics were in fact "Go Shawty." She loved telling everyone how I messed up the lyrics and from that day forward I was Charlotte. She also added that she could see me dancing kind of awkwardly in a pink cardigan and a strand of pearls. Thankfully I'm a slighty better dancer and only wear the cardigan and pearls to tea. ;)
02.24.11 - 07:44 AM / 28Megan Ellen said:
My online handle - which is the closest I have to a nickname - is often Porcupine.
Because I don't like cowards. :-)
02.24.11 - 07:44 AM / 29AshlynS said:
Hmmm...I never really had a nickname, unless you count the fact that my older brother used to call me Buzzard. He used to tell me that my family had found me as I was hatching out of a buzzard egg and decided to bring me home. Every time buzzards were flying nearby, he would tell me to wave at my family because they were looking for me. I'm ashamed to admit that I kinda, sorta believed him--just a little--until I was probably around 8 years old. Awesome.
My only nickname now is from my husband; he calls me Monkeybutt. I hadn't considered it until now, but I'm really not sure which one is worse...
02.24.11 - 07:45 AM / 30