Small world
One morning last week on the way home from the gym I was sitting at a stop light close to our house right next to a PT Cruiser that had a lightning bolt decal running out from the engine, up and across the door. An involuntary noise escaped my mouth, a "PAAAACKKKKOOOWWWW!" And I realized that the lightning bolt was using me as a medium to say hello.
When I got home I wrote this tweet:
Okay. So. Someone driving a PT Cruiser with a lightning bolt decal is exhibiting a certain kind of taste. I'm not saying that my taste is better (well, I guess that's exactly what I'm saying), but it says to me: I proudly own a denim couch. Or: a Native American dream catcher hangs above my toilet.
Anyway, it was just a joke. But as always, someone has to be upset by the joke, and while all of us were sitting around at lunch I brought this up. I was like, some people take their PT Cruisers very seriously, I did not know this, but going forward I will carry this revelation with me and not jump to conclusions when a PT Cruiser pulls up next to me and I can hear Creed on its stereo.
Right then Tyrant goes, "Wait. Stop. What color was it?"
"Maroon," I answered.
"Was the lightning bolt yellow?" he asked.
"Yes," I said. "They got the color of the lightning bolt right! Credit where credit it due!"
"And you were at the stop light right over there?" He pointed toward the west side of the house.
"That exact one."
He smiled. "That car belongs to my friend Fernando."
"Shut up."
"I'm serious."
"Shut up."
"I'm totally serious."
"SHUT. UP."
"He lives in my building."
"SHUUUUUT. UUUUUP."
As he pulled out his phone to show me a picture of Fernando wearing giant sunglasses and a shirt unbuttoned to his belly button, he said "Honey, let me assure you that he gets more ass than everyone at this table combined."
MEA CULPA.
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FM Living
Ames422 said:
Fernando sounds bad ass.
05.06.11 - 01:46 PM / 1Kristyne said:
LO fuckin' L! I think whoever coined the phrase "Don't judge a book" had no idea their philosophy would extend to this oh-so- ... poetic example. Love it.
05.06.11 - 01:56 PM / 2HodgePodge said:
They're actually called PT Losers.
05.06.11 - 01:57 PM / 3TheScarlett said:
I guess this begs the question, "Which is better, an abundance of ass getting or taste?" (And I'm basing this on the way he wears his shirt rather than his automotive expression.)
05.06.11 - 01:58 PM / 4Amber_D said:
Better a PT Cruiser with a lightning bolt than a Hummer with a Bush '04 sticker any day!
Thanks for the laugh.
05.06.11 - 02:01 PM / 5Geege said:
Only a guy named Fernando could get away with driving that thing and still get ass.
05.06.11 - 02:12 PM / 6Poddle said:
Did he look anything like the bearded hunk from that AMAZING music video? (BTW I imdb stalked him and he's also Liza Minelli in the snickers commercial.)
05.06.11 - 02:18 PM / 7juliemewood said:
So funny! I loved that tweet when I saw it. Thought it was particularly clever. Guess we were both wrong.
05.06.11 - 02:19 PM / 8momof8 said:
Please, please, post a picture of Fernando and his cruiser!!!
05.06.11 - 02:50 PM / 9RuthWells said:
LOVING Tyrant this week.
05.06.11 - 03:20 PM / 10haleysuzanne said:
This is the most awesome PT Cruiser I have ever seen - taken in the middle of nowhere Virginia at a parade:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/haleysuzanne/39918858...
05.06.11 - 03:32 PM / 11SugarShopSweets said:
OK! Only in SLC can you have 1 degree of separation like that!
I liveD there for a couple years and quickly learned to be careful about who I may have a comment about. That is waaay funny it happened to you!
05.06.11 - 03:39 PM / 12jen.yaya said:
LOL Please tell me that isn't what gay men consider to be "peacocking". (Yes I am taking a really tiny leap in assuming that Fernando is gay.)
05.06.11 - 03:42 PM / 13LJarrett said:
So much PT Cruiser hate in this world! This post cracked me up, and let me just say...I drove a PT Cruiser from the time I was 16 to 24 years old..my grandpa drove it for a year and then gave it to me. He was not a fan. It's sad that a car a drove for 8 years was not even cool enough for a grandpa. Haha!
05.06.11 - 03:42 PM / 14tallnoe said:
Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccccccccccccccceeeee.
05.06.11 - 03:55 PM / 15sybann said:
"...he gets more ass than everyone at this table combined."
OF COURSE HE DOES! He has no filters, inhibitions or shame.
:)
05.06.11 - 04:17 PM / 16Laura Mauk said:
Heather, you have the biggest blogger balls I've ever seen. I hope that someday I can grow a pair as big as yours! Another awesomely hilarious post. Laura@ www.lauramauk.blogspot.com
05.06.11 - 04:37 PM / 17cris said:
I'm european, I'm forced to share this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8bm6XlxuCY
05.06.11 - 04:50 PM / 18mrsckugs said:
Fernando is probably a better dancer than me too :-(
05.06.11 - 06:26 PM / 19fishsticked said:
Ass or not, it's a PT Cruiser. With a lightning bolt! Even flames may have been better. I mean, I'm not gay, so maybe it's a gay thing, but if it is, I feel bad for the gay population. I mean, it's a lightening bolt! On a PT Cruiser. Come on.
And you're right about the Creed. Plus, if you didn't notice a dashboard Buddha high-fiving a Jesus on a spring, it's only because it fell off the dash.
05.06.11 - 07:19 PM / 20bucky4eyes said:
I take my PT Cruiser VERY seriously.
And, yes...I DO miss having sex. With other people. *sob*
05.06.11 - 10:09 PM / 21apostate said:
...in the firelight Fernando, you were humming to yourself and softly strumming your... er...
I'll be on the lookout for that cruiser now as I run my errands.
Good story. There must have been something in the air that night.
05.07.11 - 12:25 AM / 22apostate said:
cris, I am not european. I wonder what my excuse is.
05.07.11 - 12:27 AM / 23mybottlesup said:
as soon as i read "Fernando," i heard lady gaga's "Alejandro" in my head.
05.07.11 - 07:01 AM / 24Terroni said:
I think the question here is, how much combined ass is the table really getting? I refuse to be impressed by Fernando until I have better idea of the relative nature of this scale.
05.07.11 - 08:51 AM / 25TheSkyIsOverrated said:
My husband wanted to buy one when they first came out but when I told him it would render him single he chose married life instead.
Yellow lightning bolt though eh? Oooh baby!
You’ve gotta hand it to Fernando. I mean if you're going to own a PT Cruiser it should absolutely have a lightening bolt along the side. Well that or a rainbow. :)
05.07.11 - 10:08 AM / 26missusclark said:
Ha! That'll learn ya, Heather!
My mom had a black PT Cruiser she called "the Junior Mafia Staff Car". Whenever I drove it, I'd be chatted up by other Cruiser owners in parking lots. 'Course, they were mostly old guys with nostalgia for the 50's but still. Bet I coulda got lots of ass....
05.07.11 - 11:13 AM / 27Tori_OR said:
People do take their PT's very seriously
A few years ago my cousin came to visit and got a PT Cruiser as his rental car. We were waiting to pull out of a grocery store when a guy walked up to the window and asked if we'd like to join their PT Cruisers Cruise.
We laughed, thinking; of course this guy is joking. But he turned around and pointed to his PT Cruiser parked on the street with a GIANT waterfall mural painted on the side. Parked behind him were 10-15 other PT Cruisers all with custom paint jobs. He introduced himself as the President of the Tualatin Valley PT Cruiser Club (TVPTCC was his custom license plate). We declined but that story usually comes up when that cousin comes to town. We both think we should have gone on that Cruise because those folks looked like PARTY ANIMALS.
05.07.11 - 09:02 PM / 28TK said:
That is HILARIOUS. I've read it over a few times now over a period of about 4 hours, and even though I know the ending of the story, it never fails to make me laugh. I guess it's the picturing you all sitting there and having this conversation and then Tyrant's comment about how "he gets more ass than everyone at this table combined..." - it's just the icing on the cake of an already good story!
LOVES IT!!
05.07.11 - 11:53 PM / 29jenwilson said:
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Oh. My. Word. That is awesome.
Also, I hate PT Cruisers.
05.08.11 - 10:00 PM / 30