Matters of the heart, the finale
I am right this second sitting in the waiting room outside the surgery wing at a local hospital. A few minutes ago I watched a resident wheel Jon down the hall toward the room where he would be put under anesthesia to have his gallbladder removed. Did you guys know they won't let us keep it when it's out? I asked, because, you know, KEEPSAKE, and the doctor was like THERE ARE LAWS AGAINST THIS BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
What kind of people am I? It's not like I'm going to do something illegal with Jon's gallbladder, how is that even possible? You can't smoke it and get high, right? I just want to dehydrate it and pin it to a linen-lined shadow box. And then print out a vintage-looking label that says, "GALLSIES! JUNE 2, 2011"
Hang that piece of handmade artwork in the entryway, and BOOM, I'm an honorary Mormon.
(Wait, I was baptized into the Mormon church which technically means I'm still a Mormon. OH I HOPE MY BISHOP DOESN'T FIND THIS WEBSITE.)
So, yeah. It's his gallbladder. That's been the problem this whole time. A few weeks ago he got a hida scan (a nuclear imaging procedure that evaluates the health of one's gallbladder), only after he demanded it from his doctor who wanted to wave the whole thing off as a sore muscle. I'll repeat that: A SORE MUSCLE. If sore muscles feel like a heart attack, then I'm having a heart attack in my hamstrings RIGHT NOW THANK GOD I'M ALREADY AT THE HOSPITAL.
Because that's what Jon's been feeling like since January. Like he's having a heart attack, all the time. All day. And it's taken this long and this many tests and this many hospital bills to figure out the problem, yet, do you know how common this is? Once we found out the diagnosis it's like every person who has ever had their gallbladder removed has appeared in my life to say, "Oh that! I had MY gallbladder removed and wow! I no longer feel like I'm having a heart attack!"
My uncle! Cami's mother! The woman next to me on the treadmill! My chiropractor's secretary! YOU, probably!
And yet, Jon had to beg for the test. And you know what that test showed? That test showed that while normal gallbladders perform some function at the rate of 35 or higher (some technical/medical gibberish for how it's supposed to work), Jon's was barely managing a seven. They were like, WHOA! DUDE! I bet you feel like you're having a heart attack!
(If ever there were a punch-to-the-ballsack deserving moment.)
So, here we are. Gallbladder surgery has apparently come a long way in recent years, meaning they no longer cut open your entire abdomen and gut all your intestines or something like that. Two incisions. Minimally invasive. He'll recover for a couple of hours here and then I'll take him home and rub his head and let him watch episode after episode of "Top Gear" and I won't tell him once that he's acting like a total baby.
And then maybe he'll wake up tomorrow or the next day without feeling like he's dying.
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FM Living
jennisdrinking said:
Don't let him watch anything funny, or at least make him hug a pillow. It hurts to laugh afterward.
Yes, I had my gallbladder out too. They discovered my gallstones totally by accident, elevated liver enzymes led to an ultrasound and they're all like "Hey, did you know you have gallstones? You should have those out, if you have an attack you're gonna feel like you're dying". Wouldn't you know, I had my surgery scheduled and voila!! 3 weeks beforehand, I had an attack and HOLYCRAPMOTHERF***!
Jon's in good company. The only thing is afterward, certain foods make you have surprise diarrhea. (Mine is mayo, everyone's is different).
06.02.11 - 11:10 AM / 1santa barbara said:
Either we are very complicated organisms, or doctors are just guessing most of the time. Or I guess maybe part B is due to part A. Whatever. I still like to complain about it.
06.02.11 - 11:11 AM / 2Hagan Squared said:
Speedy recovery Jon! And thank goodness you were finally able to get it figured out.
06.02.11 - 11:11 AM / 3reneewvu said:
Well hellooo, hot doctor with the folder!!
Oh, yeah, hope Jon recovers quickly!
06.02.11 - 11:15 AM / 4emilidcam said:
Oh yeah, you're talking to me.
I called an ambulance at 11pm after eating a box of granola bars and thinking I was having a heart attack and it was the fault of General Mills.
And it turned out to be my gallbladder. I called him Golly, and he was hu-uuuuuuge. Seriously, I still have the pictures to show for it.
Ask the docs to give you pictures. I'm sure you could add them to your Christmas card or frame them. It definitely makes for fun dinner party conversation.
(Best of luck to Jon. He'll be in and out of surgery in a jiffy, no doubt.)
06.02.11 - 11:15 AM / 5Rosie R said:
I've been following Jon's story with much interest, since his symptoms sound exactly like what I've been going through for about a year now (started when I was seven months pregnant). After tests out the wazoo, turns out it's a combination of h. pylori infection and gallstones. I am wondering what the hell took them so long to figure this out in Jon's case. A simple abdominal ultrasound was all that was needed for me. I think a good solid punch to the ballsack is entirely warranted here.
06.02.11 - 11:17 AM / 6HowToBeADad said:
My wife had the same surgery just a couple of months ago. We thought it was indigestion, then acid reflux, then godknowswhat.
Finally, she went to the emergency room. She said on a scale of stubbing your toe to pregnancy it was an 8 (whoops, there goes the metaphor).
Watching her get wheeled away was agonizing.
Bleh. Love that hypochondriac.
Charlie
http://www.HowToBeADad.com
06.02.11 - 11:18 AM / 7Truthful Mommy said:
Speedy Recovery and THANK GOD they figured it out!!!
I'm still dripping urine from the gallsies 2011 remark. (Damn stress incontinence)
I agree, they deserve a punch to the sack...Thank God It's Throat Punch Thursday over at my blog. You should def issue a Throat Punch, Junk Punch, Ball Sack injury to the asshats who made the moronic remark:)
XO
06.02.11 - 11:19 AM / 8The Naked Redhead said:
Dude, why you gotta title it like that? I swooped in from Twitter like, "WHO DIED?!?!"
And now my sick brain is picturing a HUGE linen-lined shadow box labeled "DEADSIES, 2011."
06.02.11 - 11:19 AM / 9KateH said:
Oh yes. Had mine out when my kid was 15 months old. No lifting heavy objects? WTF? But doooood(c)e! SO worth it. SOOO worth it.
06.02.11 - 11:26 AM / 10holmgren said:
I had to create an account just to comment on this. That's how fired up gallbladders get me.
I can't believe it took them this long to figure it out, and I'm glad Jon is getting treatment. I had my gallbladder out in February and I am a NEW WOMAN now. After a few days of healing, he will probably be shocked at how far he's come.
Though I probably can believe it, especially if he had no reference point for it. My mom had hers out, so she spotted my first attack quickly and I always knew. I just waited too long and ended up getting a tiny gallstone stuck in a bile duct which caused a raging infection and spent a week in the hospital getting that fixed before I could have it removed.
And I'm just saying... this is completely amazing: http://iheartguts.com/shop/index.php?main_page=pro...
A friend got me one on my first day back to work after surgery. One of the best gifts ever!!
06.02.11 - 11:29 AM / 11Tricia said:
Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Jon! So glad the culprit has been identified and that it's NOT a heart problem.
06.02.11 - 11:30 AM / 12MichelleD said:
I can't believe it took them all those tests to diagnose gallbladder disease.
I had mine taken out after losing a significant amount of weight. I drove to Maine 2 days later so as not to "waste" my vacation time on surgery.
I've never had a problem with food since.
Hope Jon has a swift recovery and I'm glad he'll no longer be in pain.
06.02.11 - 11:31 AM / 13Daddy Scratches said:
My wife had a massive gallbladder attack while we were at the movie theater. We made it out to the lobby before she fell to the floor. I actually had to instruct an usher to call 911.
According to her, the pain associated with a gallbladder attack is worse than the pain associated with childbirth. I guess now Jon can trump you on that whole giving-birth thing. Maybe. Probably not.
Very glad you guys finally got some answers. Hope he has a smooth and speedy recovery.
PS: My wife had to significantly remove fatty foods from her diet post-gallbladder-removal ... which she learned by eating a normal, buttery, gravy-y Thanksgiving dinner several weeks after surgery. She subsequently spent 10 or so hours vomiting so hard I though her feet were going to come out of her mouth. Something Jon might want to keep in mind.
06.02.11 - 11:34 AM / 14slappyintheface said:
Isn't it really sad when we (the non-doctors) have to suggest things to the actual doctors.
Hoping for a speedy recovery and no massive scars that will scare people at the beach when he wears his Speedo.
06.02.11 - 11:38 AM / 15jenwilson said:
how intensely frustrating! i hope the surgery goes well and that his pain goes away (you know, after the whole recovery bit).
i'm going through the whole gallbladder bit as well. painful as hell.
06.02.11 - 11:39 AM / 16zeppinfall04 said:
Yeah, you're right me too! April 2, was my "heart attack", April 19th, the gallbladder came out. Best darn surgery I ever had! That was on a Tuesday, and I went back to work on Thursday. Speedy recovery Jon!
06.02.11 - 11:41 AM / 17kiss-my-kitty said:
Best of luck to Jon! I had my gallbladder out last October, after ten months of random, super-painful attacks that felt like someone had shoved a burning rock into the middle of my abdomen. Unfortunately none of the scans they did showed anything, until one last CT scan done at the end of September showed that my gallbladder was so enlarged it was folded over on itself. I had that sucker out ten days later.
One thing I will say: out of the three abdominal surgeries I've had -- c-section, gastric bypass, and gallbladder -- the gallbladder recovery was the most painful. God knows why, but it HURT. Make sure you pump Jon full of plenty of painkillers! :)
06.02.11 - 11:44 AM / 18carostad said:
I had mine out 10 days postpartum with my son, and let me tell you, I'd go back and have 3 more cesareans before I suffer through gall bladder surgery recovery again. (thankfully, neither is an option anymore...) Maybe mine was complicated by very recent abdominal surgery, but it was baaaad.
I was up and walking around 12 hours after my cesarean (probably less, but it's been a few years, so I can't recall precisely). All the nurses on my floor were amazed with my speedy recovery. I never took anything stronger than an Advil afterwards. I wanted OUT of there.
But, after the gall bladder surgery? Yikes! A full week of heavy duty painkillers and excruciating pain for at least a week. Mine was done laparascopically, so 4 tiny incisions, then they inflate your gut with CO2.
Most of my pain was due to the CO2, which formed a bubble internally and rose to my right shoulder a few hours after surgery. I actually felt it rising inside me and had one of those out of body terrors where I thought "This is the moment I am dying. A bubble has formed in my veins and is rising to my brain right now. I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!!"
Fortunately, it's a normal side effect that they just didn't warn me about. It was literally the single most terrifying moment of my life. I wish I'd known that was a possiblity.
Hope Jon recovers quickly! Good luck to you all, and glad it's almost over with.
06.02.11 - 11:45 AM / 19Kathi BG said:
I am glad they finally got over their cranial rectal impaction and figured out what was going on with Jon. When I had my gall bladder out I got to keep the gall stone that caused all the problems. I made a bead out of it. yes....I am totally wonderfully weird that way
06.02.11 - 11:47 AM / 20trec_lit said:
Glad the problem was *finally* diagnosed! I'm frankly amazed it took so long. I had my first attack in 2006 and while in the ER the doctor was probing my abdomen. As soon as she stuck her fingers under the right side of my rib cage and pushed I screamed and she was able to identify the problem. I had an ultrasound a while later and finally had mine removed in 2007.
I second the recommendation of a pillow to press to his belly if he has to cough or laugh or sit up. It really helped with the pain. Otherwise you feel like you are going to be disemboweled.
Best of luck to Jon for a speedy recovery!
06.02.11 - 11:49 AM / 21JWysok said:
Had mine out following the birth of my son. During the pregnancy I had two attacks--each one felt like I was being stabbed through the chest with a knife. It was chalked up to "well, you know, you get some weird pains when you're pregnant.." Yea, right.
Anyway, Jon should feel 100% in about a week (I'm a slow healer). And, if he's like me, won't have any troubles from now on. I'm so happy they figured it out and he won't have to suffer!
06.02.11 - 11:51 AM / 22lilennox said:
Now don't forget your most important job once Jon is home and recovering:
"Poor little bunny," with the special head-soothing motion demonstrated in the video.
06.02.11 - 11:53 AM / 23MeMe said:
I wish Jon a speedy recovery and I wish it for you too, one less baby to take care of. :)
Actually I really do hope all goes well and he has a fast and easy recovery.
06.02.11 - 11:59 AM / 24dolphy36 said:
So glad you have the answer and that it is one where it will be "solved" permanently! GB issues are so no fun. My then in-utero son decided he was gonna stomp the living crap out of mine while I was pregnant. Now THAT was a good time. Here's to a quick recovery and Jon feeling great soon (and you, too!)
06.02.11 - 12:02 PM / 25Crazy Card Lady said:
It's good Jon is not spending the night in the hospital. I just spent one night and the bill was $43,000 not including the doctor etc. I don't even make that much in a year. Thank goodness for health insurance!
Get well soon Jon!!! It's a bitch getting older!
06.02.11 - 12:05 PM / 26tokenblogger said:
Go back and ask for his gall STONES!
They let me have almost 30 of mine. And they were beautiful. A lovely satin gold color and nearly all the same size. They remind of of fortune cookies.
I made them in to a bracelet, which I really do wear sometimes!
It's my most expensive piece of jewelry --- and I made it myself!
06.02.11 - 12:12 PM / 27The Cotton Floozy said:
Gallbladder surgery is the surgery du jour. Who still has a gallbladder these days? I got mine out five years ago after being misdiagnosed with endometriosis. One needless laparoscopy surgery later, uh, I was still randomly passing out. Finally it took an ER doc to figure it out after I collapsed in the waiting room. #howtocutinline
Tell Jon to move his shoulders a lot to work out the gas? cramps? Willy Wonka fizzy lifting drinks? that they use during the operation. My shoulders ached liked a mofo afterwards.
06.02.11 - 12:14 PM / 28lauriek said:
My bet is that strapping young men like Jon don't have gallbladder problems and the doctor didn't want to do unnecessary tests. But then again, I'm married to one.
I hope Jon cruises through his recovery. Thank goodness it was not more serious.
06.02.11 - 12:21 PM / 29ErikaMSN said:
Well, in defense of the medical establishment, Jon doesn't exactly fit the profile of the 4 Fs: Fat, Female, Fertile, and Forty.
My husband (who at the time fit NONE of those criteria) had his out 10 yrs ago, after progressively losing his appetite all that spring. Just be aware, recovery--even from laparascopy--could be difficult. Those brochures they give you showing the woman out for a bike ride 3 days later? Total lie. He was completely miserable for an entire wkd, and I think it was almost a week later that he went back to work.
06.03.11 - 09:00 PM / 30