This is the last time I’m going to have time to write before I run the NYC Marathon on Sunday. Yes. After a gentle three miles on the treadmill this morning I decided I’m going to give this thing a go. No, I will not have my head checked. All they’d find in there is a few pennies and some Skittles anyway.
Actually, I probably should have my head checked because I’m starting to do really stupid superstitious shit. Like, so stupid that it’s embarrassing even for ME to admit. Like, clicking the lock button on the car key fob three times. Not once. Not twice. THREE TIMES. If I don’t click it three times then someone is going to break into the car, and then I won’t be able to run the marathon.
I know, that’s a diagnosable disorder. Whatever. Add it to the pile I already own. Yes, that is a very large pile. Hoarding is in there somewhere if I could only find it.
Yesterday the Every Mother Counts team hopped on a conference call to hammer out some final details before the race, and here’s where I know my brain is going to get even more screwy. Screwier. More screwier. The most screwiest: we have to be in a van at 5:15 AM that will take us to the start of the race on Staten Island. EXCEPT, we don’t start the race until almost 10 AM. WHO THINKS THIS IS A GOOD IDEA? Runners are crazy, and here you’ve given them five hours to sit around and contemplate, what? LIFE? The innumerable ways one could hurt oneself while traversing 26.2 miles WITH ONE’S LEGS? I imagine that every cult on earth was started by a runner whose brain collapsed in on itself during those five hours.
I’m also supposed to be carb loading and avoiding fiber, and of course I was the one on the call who was like, so you’re telling us that we should show up constipated? Because GUESS WHAT. I will never be the valedictorian of marathons, but I am the God of the planet Constipation.
Thank you for coming along with me for this experience. Many of you have sent me such helpful advice that I know I wouldn’t be here, three days before the race, confident enough to say that I’m going to attempt it had you not offered your insight. Also, I really want to thank everyone who donated to the cause. We raised over $6,000 in my name, and almost $82,000 as a team.
I want to be reverent because of the importance of the work that Christy’s organization does, but PEOPLE. That is really effing amazing. EFFING!
As much as I want to run this for my own sense of accomplishment, I want to do it even more to honor your generosity and the women whose lives will be improved because of it. Thank you so much.
So, please. Hip? Groin? Ankle? Work with me. I can’t do this without you. (See? I’ve started talking to body parts. I’m anthropomorphizing body parts. And all the runners reading this are like, what? Is there something unusual about that?)
I’ll be posting updates via twitter throughout the weekend, and if you happen to be in New York along the course, look for bib number 50891. She’ll be the one hobbling along, her face half eaten off, chanting, “BRAINS!”