• kristanhoffman

    “Without Pain, How Could We Know Joy?”

    This is an old argument in the field of Thinking About Suffering, and its stupidity and lack of sophistication could be plumbed for centuries, but suffice it to say that the existence of broccoli does not in any way affect the taste of chocolate.

    - The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green

    I thought you might appreciate that, Heather.

    I wish I knew what more to say, but all I have is this: I feel for you.

  • MsMegan

    Oh sweetie. I don’t know what to say except that I’m sorry and I’m rooting for all of you. xo

  • MissCaron

    Much love to you all at this very difficult time. I do pray that you are able to work things out between you and Jon. I pray that y’all are able to both remember what held you together in the first place and grow to understand what is needed to make it work for the long term. God bless.

  • skradei

    I don’t know you, but because of this blog I KNOW you. I’m so very sorry. Thinking of you and Jon and those beautiful girls.

    I love what @SushiForBaby said, above:

    “Be the valedictorian of being Heather every day. No more. Just be and keep breathing.

    And remember you are loved.”

  • girlfriday

    We are rooting for you.

  • LegosnEggos

    This is so beautifully expressed. Putting oneself mentally and emotionally underwater is indeed what feels most natural at a time like this. It reminds me of this art piece that I found a while back — http://artwork.bayo.me/_bayobolus_artwork/images/portfolio/paintings/2008/drowning/drowning.jpg

    I understand much of how you feel, having separated this year after 23 years and four children, and with the added loss of my wonderful father in 2011, as well. (2011 bit, by the way.) You will make it through intact, and not only that but you will thrive and heal, find contentment in helping others as you do with your blog, and be surrounded and comforted by those whom you have unknowingly nurtured in just being yourself and telling things like they are. Thanks for sharing what you’re going through. You truly are a gift to so many. Praying for you all.

  • preppypitbull

    I am really really sorry to read this, but I know that you’ll get through it and be stronger because of it. Keep working and keep your head up. Know that you are in many peoples thoughts and prayers. Please keep being strong. Sending lots of love and hugs from Pennsylvania.

  • jelo33

    I cried when I read this. Your writing is powerful and poignant and so terribly truthful. Please know that the thousands of strangers who read your words and adore your photos, your charm and your wit are thinking of you and sending you good thoughts.

    I hope for the best outcome for you and your family.

  • MadelaK

    Oh Heather, I’m so sorry. I hope that you and Jon can figure things out. Much love to your family.

  • LisaAR

    My heart goes out to you, Heather. So many commenters have already said what I want to, so let me reiterate that you and your whole family are loved and cared about. It’s a part of our evolving social world that I feel like you are a friend of mine, and I hope you do indeed feel the love and support that all of your cyberfriends are sending your way.

    May you heal and find strength,peace, and joy.

  • Round Rock Gal

    Wishing you peace & clarity during this difficult time. I hope this is just a rough patch that you can Jon can overcome.

    It took forever to log onto the website and even longer to make a comment, so I think your readers are here to support you no matter what.

    Hugs to all of you!

  • kellytadlock

    Heather. A few months ago you sent me an email and ended it with a very simple final sentence that magically lifted me up. I am hoping you will find some of that here too.

    You are very, very loved. It’s all going to be ok. However it works out.

    All my love to you and your family.

  • etoile

    I don’t think there is anything to say, except I’m so sorry. I am sorry I didn’t know. Much love to you all. Keep your chin up. xx Olivia

  • Kar

    Well. Hell. I’m sorry. You, Jon, and the girls are in my thoughts. I’ve been divorced for 11 years. It’s got it’s own problems. I don’t need to tell you that. I hope you can work things out, but either way, there’s life on the other side. For all of you.

  • bellamaxjoy

    I have envied you and Jon, the absolute love you projected for him. I know from experience that even the worst issues that lead up to the separation can be fixed, if both partner commit to making it work. Therapy, Marriage counseling, new meds if necessary. I think perhaps you two spent just too much time together, I dont think a husband and wife should be together 24/7. I hope this did not include an affair, as that is devestating to all. Please just take care of you and the girls, and remember all is not lost, time and distance can help you to figure out what it is you want. Hugs

  • k.wren

    I am sorry to hear this, but I am sending lots of good thoughts and love your way. Stay strong Heather, you are amazing.

  • subpolka

    Love to you and Jon and your girls. Hang in there, Heather – we’re all rooting for you.

  • PLMsMama

    Heather! My heart is heavy for your family. I know that you and Jon will make it through this . . . with those little munchkins by your sides.

  • krislee98

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sometimes it’s tough to do the things we need to do, even if they break our hearts.

    And I appreciate your honesty, as always. Your decision to share your struggles with those who support you, even though we may not know you, sheds light on all our struggles. Thank you for sharing this with us all.

    Good thoughts heading to you, your girls and the pups.

  • waitimaprincess

    Fuck. Just. Fuck. Don’t stay in the water too long, come up for air when you need to, and know that we will be here with the highest thread count (possibly stolen) towels you could ever imagine.

  • Beverly0903

    Hugs from Memphis….take care of each other….

  • Laura Wattles

    Well crap. I’m so sorry to hear that. It just goes to show me that imagining someone else’s perfect life and comparing it to my own is ridiculous, because we all have our own problems to bear. Thoughts are with you.

  • Jaggy

    Oh boo hoo . I skimmed the comments .. All sympathy .. I am not giving you any … I am telling ya you are shelfish ..grow up and take a chance … You will break up with cami too

  • MelissaJ

    i am sorry. i am sure you and Jon are doing everything you can to work this out.

    you two work well together.

    i hope this is a bump…a break…and the realization you are better together than apart.

    prayers will be said.

  • Lizzo

    My heart goes out to you and whole family. As hard as it is, fight for you marriage. FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE. There is nothing (little?) more important in life, an d you will never regret it – regardless of the outcome. (Please don’t assume that we/I think you’re not already doing so. By writing this, I only mean to encourage you to continue)

  • cdw43

    Wow Heather. I’ve never commented here before but this made stop in my tracks. I am so sorry to hear about this. I have no words of wisdom, but I will keep you and the girls in my thoughts.

  • jonsbebe

    I am sorry, truly sorry. Your Leta and my son are the same age. I found your blog during my own underwater moment in 2004 – I have been around ever since. It is your turn now to take back some of the good that you have put out there all of these years. Soak it up, take it in and take care of yourself and those wonderful girls. It WILL be OK…somehow, someday…

  • apgordon

    Dang, Heather – I’m sorry to hear that. Well, here’s one more wishing you, the girls and Jon all happiness at the end of this tough situation.

  • jengun1

    Sending so many good thoughts your way for a clear path through this time for you and the whole family. I’ve been there with the separation, the anxiety, the depression, the whole ball of wax and the view from the other side is so much better. Just know that there IS another side. And you will get there. Lots of love and support from California xoxo

  • mjsinnyc

    Heather: Let me say right up front that I am NOT a salesperson for this company, nor do I have any affiliation with it whatsoever. Have you heard of Marriage Fitness, by Mort Fertel? He is a genius when it comes to marital problems. I am separated, myself. I’ve been doing his program on my own, and it is absolutely working a miracle in my marriage (that’s right: my husband is not participating, and the program is STILL repairing the marriage!).

    Please try not to discount something like this that is sold via the Internet. Mort Fertel is the real deal. His program for rebuilding broken marriages is truly a godsend.

  • slappyintheface

    oh honey … I am so sorry

  • argus

    Heather, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I’ve never commented before, but this post left me in tears — I feel like I know you from reading your blog for so many years, and I hurt for you.

    Thank you for your honesty. Wishing the very best to you and the girls.

  • NolaMomma

    This is the saddest news I have read lately. My heart goes out to you and your family as you navigate this.

  • napangel

    I am so, so sorry, Heather. I’m thinking of all of you.

  • tonya

    Nooooooooo! Of the very small number of blogs I follow, you guys are the third to have separated. I wasn’t surprised by the others, but you guys seem so together, so in love.

    I’m praying that you find each other again, and that you really just do need a break. Or jobs that give you space during the day?? I don’t know, I’m just reaching when I obviously don’t know anything about your marriage.

    Whatever happens, you all are loved, and I’m pulling for you.

    Hugs and prayers and love from Tennessee!

  • tracy

    Sitting here in disbelief, once again realizing that individuals or relationships aren’t always what they seem to be. I hope that doesn’t sound incredibly awful & cruel, and I think (hope?) you probably know what I mean when I say that?

    I so hope that you & Jon are able to work through whatever needs to be worked through (individually & as a couple) so that you find your way back to one another. I feel confident in saying that despite whatever personal issues need to be addressed (trust me…I know all about the list of buried bullshit that needs to be worked through to become whole again…or whole for the first time ever), you & Jon have built a true partnership based on trust – something I realized my future ex-husband & I didn’t nurture, and is now one of the (many) reasons for our pending divorce.

    Many, MANY hugs to the Armstrong family.


  • PosyQ

    Oh Heather, I don’t have wise words here, just love for you all. That 10-year old you, your present self, your beautiful girls and Jon, I hold you all in my heart. Good luck. And stay away from those leashes, please.

  • mommica

    You all have been through so much together. You’ll get through this, too. Love to the whole fam.

  • Julie995

    I am in awe of your strength and willingness to share what is truly a gut wrenching time in your life. Having been there done that with kids a little bit older I know the terror you feel and the strength that seems to be coming from an unknown place. The best thing you are doing right now, and I know it doesnt feel that way sometimes, is to let the kids feel all the emotion without interruption. That same sentiment goes for you too. You will come out on the other side of this stronger and wiser. Your children in the years to come will look back and use you as an example for how to handle really tough situations. Big Hugs from a kindred spirit..

  • Sarasnee

    This makes my heart ache for you all. I hope that this is something resolvable, much like going up to your room to get some space from Marlo. I hope that’s exactly what you need.

    All my hugs. I’m so sorry.

  • FreeBurd

    FIND THE LOVE where ever it is, you have to find it
    BE THE LOVE you give what you get

    Learn from the past, don’t re-create it.

    Anything worth dying for, is worth living for, too.

    My life began when I came up from being submerged. You can do it, you have a lot of people holding their breath with you.

  • Scott-5×5

    Of all the things you said in this post, “standing up to that hopelessness” is the heaviest, most significant. If you have done that, you have done the hardest part. Love to all of you.

  • christine1127

    Love you, Heather.

  • sweetpotatopie

    Oh Heather. I’m so sorry. You know what they say: If you find yourself going through hell, keep going.

    Whatever happens, you will be ok. Just please, please do whatever you have to do to stay away from the dog leashes; that is the one thing your daughters could NEVER recover from. (My husband was 5 years old when he found his father, laying underneath the exhaust pipe of the family car inside the garage. He spent the next 40 years believing he should have been able to save his father.)

    Hugs to you and Jon and the girls. Your readers and friends and family are here for you.

  • infinitdee

    I can’t believe how much you and Jon have been on my heart and in my thoughts. I’d like to think that each of us is carrying a little bit of your pain for you to make it a easier to catch your breath under all that water. Know that you are loved by a whole world of readers who are pulling for you and praying for your family.

  • ejmccartin

    so sorry to hear about this rough patch. may all of you find the peace you are looking for together or apart.

    (am I allowed to root for the together?)

  • AlyCat

    I am so sorry for your hurt. There are no words that we can say to fix what is going on with your family. But know that we all want to say something that will fix it. We want to say something that will take the pain away from you, from Jon, from the girls. So many people know what your going through. Both here and in your real life. Which doesn’t fix anything, but we identify and sympathize with your situation. We are here for support, in whatever way we can, which seems so minor from way out here on the internet. But I hope every comment helps you in some way. And I hope that whatever is to happen, happens quickly and with the least amount of disturbance to the girls. Although that is not usually the path of life lessons; quickly and swiftly and without pain. But it is still my dearest hope for your family.

  • Paddle Board Girl

    Remember to breathe…I have been in your shoes, and it’s hard to remember that sometimes. Amazing things happen when everything falls apart. My husband and I even bought a second house down the street a few years ago, in the throes of our marriage ending, so that our kids could walk between the houses. We are back together and our marriage is stronger than before, having survived the hell of separation and very good therapy, separately and together. I wish you peace.

  • LMurphy418

    Relating… my life has (as recent as Monday) gone through some similar changes except for the moving. Although I had decided 2+ years ago that I wanted a divorce, my husband refused to give me one. So, we’ve struggled through. I’ve asked and re-asked to go to counseling, to be met with a stern no. Now it seems he has decided it is time. Why do I feel so hurt? Why am I mourning this death of a marriage? Why do I feel like this?

    I have no answers, just taking it one day at a time. Your words said so much to me today. Thank you.

  • greeblemonkey

    I am sending hugs to you all. Whatever happens, you are strong, wonderful people and you will find the best way for your family.