• Lucymorris

    A wave of sadness spread over me reading your prior post. As I would for a protagonist in my favourite book, I read and route for you and your family.
    Just know that we support you and wish you all well!

  • ladygray

    as long as you need, Heather. i’ve been here “with you” for years now, and i’m not going anywhere. big love to your family.

  • Victoria_Girl

    For as long as it takes, consider your hand held.

  • momof8

    Holy crap. I can not even imagine being on the national news. Just keep drawing on all of those who are sending you love and support. <3

  • Kimmbberr

    If you need anything, Oregon is just a plane ride away. Bring the girls and dogs on up.

  • one soul

    Just another complete stranger wishing all of you the very, very best.

  • NoLongerEvil

    So much love and strength to you!

  • marigoldy

    Ugh. I felt the same thing when I left my husband a year ago. That if I killed myself, wouldn’t have to go through the torment, heartbreak and, yes, hassle of leaving. But here I am a year later, and things are far from over, but it’s okay, I’m okay, and it’s going to be okay, even if it’s hard.
    I also had him/people telling me I was leaving because of my mental illness (anxiety in my case). It took me years to allow myself to acknowledge that my unhappy marriage and mental illness were concurrent, not the former being a result of the latter, and that was hugely empowering, and ultimately what let me give myself permission to leave. Don’t let anyone tell you that this is your fault because of your depression.
    You are doing the right thing for yourself, for your family, for your girls. So much love. Your blog has been an inspiration to me to let me talk openly with my close friends about my mental illness, thank you.

  • jesterqueen

    Good lord. I can barely negotiate three days without yelling about something. How in the hell have you two negotiated a trial separation? There’s your next book right there. In all seriousness, though, I only wish peace for both of you. Unlike many public personas, your job is not just to be public, but to be accessibly so. Which means that we all weigh in because WE KNOW YOU ARE LISTENING. Which must just make you want to turn off your ears and your website. (Hey! Did you do that SOPA protest thing? That would have been the perfect excuse ;P). That you have not is another measure of your strengths.

  • Laura Jones

    As always, thank-you for sharing. I’m glad things are on the improving side and if things don’t work out between you and Jon, I’m sure the first few years and certainly the girls were worth the life experience. My heart goes out to you for the suffering you’re experiencing now. Remember you’re emotionally stronger than most of us which is why we love to read and be inspired by your success.

  • ClaireinAustin

    Hi Heather. I don’t comment much here, but my heart goes out to you and I want to offer encouragement. I have been through tough times in my marriage, and also separated from my husband. It was a very very difficult time-painful, overwhelming, confusing, frustrating, dark, dark… a crisis on so many levels. It’s even harder with children, I think. My son, who was 6 at the time, also struggled. We ultimately reconciled and things are so much better. But whatever choices you make, know that you will be ok. It takes some time, but there is a continuum, and you will move through it and come out the other side and be ok (even if it doesn’t seem like it right now). I am glad you have support around you, and people to lean on. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, wishing you strength and peace. I hope you will be gentle with yourself, and find all the love, kindness and support you need to see you through.

  • knittygrrrl

    Heather, i’ll hold your hand as long as you need. i’ve been where you are. whoa…it sucks. but walking through it with grace (or at least trying to!) and respect makes it more manageable. putting children first is something many, many people in this situation don’t do. its one of the greatest gift we can give our children…valuing them enough to work with our spouse through all the turmoil to afford them the life we envisioned when we decided to have them.

  • findsfives

    Much love to you Heather. I’ve thought of you so often over the past few days. Thanks for giving us an update, I was worried without hearing from you… Holding you, Jon, Leta, Marlo, Chuck, and Coco in the light.

  • nitebyrd

    Will hold your hand, rub your back, hand you a tissue for as long as it takes.

  • wicked opinion

    The same way you feel about us, we feel about you. You have given so much of yourself to us that it’s just an exhale to give it right back to you. That light you talked about? You shone a light and fed the flames for a hell of a lot of people. And we thank you for that. We love you. In the immortal words of a street whore from a movie, take care of you.

  • smaalkat

    I think you are going to be the valedictorian of getting through this. You and Jon both will.

  • mydogwontbite

    heather, i’ve been reading your blog for ten years. i celebrated when your books came out, i had butterflies waiting in line at your book signing. i knitted marlo a tiny baby hat. you inspired my love for radiohead to the point of obsession. i was ecstatic when you signed up to run a marathon, something i’ve done a bazillion times. the tables were turned and i couldn’t wait to see you do something i’ve done.

    you responded to one of my emails many years ago. you reached out your hand to me, a complete stranger, in the dark and you gave me hope and encouragement.

    you don’t know me like i (imagine to) know you but my hand is here – in the dark, in the light, in the grey tunnel between the two.

    love & light to you.

  • motherhoodontherocks

    I wish I had some words of wisdom, but since I do not, I’ll send a virtual hug. Praying for you and your family. *hugs*

  • mother of monkeys

    your recent posts are causing all of us in the shadows to come out and say, “yes, i read dooce.” it speaks to the testament of tragedy, i think. people wanting to comfort those in need because they need the comfort themselves.

    anyway, just wanted to let you know how much your post touched me, even though i’m in a happy marriage. i think it was your question, “how did things go so wrong?” because i feel like yesterday i was reading an entry about how jon was your rock and you guys were such a team.

    what you’re going through right now must define “suckiness.” but i’m rooting for you guys still. until you guys actually choose the divorce door, i’m rooting for jon + heather. to echo another commentator, remember why you guys got married in the first place. love is still there. fight this.

  • cinddmel

    You’ve been on our minds. Sending much love and strength and peace to you and your family.

  • Tara Newhole

    It’s our pleasure to be here for you! Glad to hear things are slowly starting to fall into their new places for now. It will get a little better every day.
    In the meantime, I have two hands for you to hold! Just pick your favorite one and it’s Yours! :)


  • beritelissa

    a million stranger hugs coming atcha

  • LegosnEggos

    Sounds like you’re handling things so well. :) It reminds me of how Stacy Morrison and her husband handled things in her book “Falling Apart in One Piece.” The home that remains open despite separation is such a good thing for the kids, the sign of superb parenting — way more selfless and loving than I can say I am being myself right now in the same situation. I think your attitude is honest and wise.

  • virtualcarly

    Still thinking about you and sending positive energy up into the void, hoping it will make its way to you all. That was beautiful and touching imagery; hands finding each other in the darkness. I am glad you are in the light today, and hoping it shines on you abundantly in the inevitable times of struggle.

  • George

    Two more hands for you here, Heather. And lots of love to you all.

  • Vihra

    I just feel that you’ll be alright. Although it’s such a cliche’ to write it down like this but I feel connected and think of you as my friend. And you’ll sure be alright, my friend. :) We’re the same age, different culture, different histories but I’ve learnt so much from you over the past 5 years since I’ve been following your blog that I just needed to say it out loud. You’re an amazing person, Heather. Thank you for sharing yourself.

  • velocitygrl

    I am so sorry that you are going through this, and I wish you all the strength and comfort in the world right now.

    You do not know me, but because you have always been brave, funny, smart, snarky, and honest I think of you as a friend and it makes me so sad that you and your family are hurting. Know that we are all rooting for you.

    I don’t know what is in store for you, but I hope that whatever happens you both come out of it stronger and happier.

  • becaru

    Painful is the word. I’ve been through a spouse dying, and a divorce. The divorce was much tougher.
    Say or don’t say what you want in public. You’re entitled.

  • meganroth


  • 2Infiniti

    I have been reading your blog for years, but had not read it in a while. . . I am so sorry to hear about your situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Jon and the girls. I LOVE your blog!

  • Lividviv

    Been thinking about you all week. Virtual hands in yours, right here.
    Love from Ottawa, Canada

  • karynmassey

    Yep. Holding your hand and keeping you all in my heart. I really hope you and Jon can find your way back to each other, but regardless, I know you will continue to do what is best for your family.

    I’m happy to hear you’re not in that dark place right now, but don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Hugs to you all…

  • Plano Mom

    Told ya. I’ve got the snorkel mask. Looking forward to handing you sunscreen and awesome shades.

  • RudeAwakening

    Lots of love and positive thoughts from my family to yours. I wish you the best.

  • The Bold Soul

    It’s really true, you know, that sometimes out of the darkest, most desperate moments of our lives can come our greatest strength and the things we are most proud of about ourselves.

    Your critics can bite themselves. They don’t know you and Jon. They’re not in your lives, nor am I. What I see, as an outsider peeking through your virtual living room window, is two people who genuinely care about and respect each other and who have loved each other enough to create a life and two daughters. If in time you can work out whatever is going on in your marriage, fabulous. And if not, then your lives will be different, but “different” doesn’t necessarily have to mean “worse”. People CAN divorce and co-parent as friends. It doesn’t happen often enough (and it sure didn’t happen in MY parents’ divorce, unfortunately), but it can work. Seems to me that you are both doing everything right at the moment. Bravo. And stay strong, Armstrongs.

  • Marinka

    Some people will say terrible things. But I hope that you can block out that noise. Because people who are not schadenfreuding all over the place wish you well. Wish you, Jon and the girls well. And Chuck. And sometimes even Coco.

  • Ellen

    Oh, I guess this won’t be popular, but I want you back together. Damnit.

  • JustLinda

    I was divorced just over 20 years ago (gah! that makes me feel old just saying that). My first two daughters were young then but slightly older than yours. The first question my youngest asked was “Does this mean I will get presents from both of you when it’s my birthday?”

    I don’t mean to diminish the impact on kids… there is one. Sounds like you and Jon are taking a thinking and collaborative approach to things. I applaud you.

    Those two daughters of mine are now 26 and 28 and they are fantastic women. Incredible, smart, talented, funny, beautiful, strong. I always say it’s in spite of me and not because of me, but I hope I had a little sumpin’ to do with it.

    Life is hard. Just do your best to find your way through it. That’s all any of us can do.

  • LisaAR

    So glad to hear you are in the light…I am continuing to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers–for strength, healing, peace, joy, comfort…and love.

    Thank you for sharing. I’m glad the hands reaching out mean something to you, because what you’ve done with your blog and your sharing means something to me.

  • JasmineStar

    You spoke and presented phenomenally this past week…you possess inner light and in spite of your pain, we love to see you shine.

  • shestumbledin

    Hang in there, momma!

    I referred to myself as the valedictorian of Angry Birds the other day, and then I (internally) gave you credit.

    I started reading you a few years ago because I found you hilarious. I kept reading because of your spirit.

    I wish only the best for you, Jon and the girls… and the dogs. My dear friends who separated 6 years ago recently shared that their sweet dog who had been extremely high strung, had adjusted to shared custody without a hitch. And in fact had lost so many of his nervous tics that it became evident that their unhappy marriage was the cause of so many of his issues.

  • dezignr93

    Consider it held!! My thoughts are with you!

  • dianemaggipintovoiceover

    one day at a time, h.
    i mean, without the teetotalling. ;)

  • Twinkie

    I’ve read your blog for a long time, Heather. I could tell something was different about your writing, but in no way could did I anticipate this shoe dropping.

    I have thought of you and your family frequently, and I am so sorry that it has been hard.

    Thinking good thoughts for you, always.

  • ciaobella

    Dear Heather – I have been reading your blog forever. I have never logged onto the community (except once to try to win an xbox). I usually keep my comments to myself. Today, I wanted to write you to commend you on that strength of yours that is with you wherever you go, whatever you do, and always so inspiring to others. It is so clear that you will use every fiber in you to get you and your family to a good place, even when life seems impossibly hard. The truth is that the “good place” can change. I am certain that you will find your way there. Your children will be the brilliant, beautiful creatures that you and Jon created, and all the stronger themselves for being able to understand the complexities of emotional health, able to empathize with others along their own paths. Just continue to be your strong self. When it is too much, use one of your lifelines (you know your “ask the audience” will never let you down). xoxo

  • suesheeme

    I’ll be here as long as you are, pulling for you and your family and believing in you no matter what. I do know you are a fighter. It’s just one of the many things to love about you, Heather. Love and hugs to you from So Cal.

  • Karyn

    I wrote about you here, http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/is-everyone-breaking-up/
    and me and everyone, really. I’m proud of you guys for being mature adults about this, especially under the watchful eye of the media, and I think that the least we all owe each other is mature separations and/or breakups or whatever they are. I hope that your friendship remains in tact for the rest of your lives because you made two people together, and they seem pretty great. You and Jon, of course, as usual, also seem pretty great.
    The internet loves you and so do I.

  • mrs_black

    Just another stranger here who has read you for years and felt compelled to finally leave you a comment…

    Like so many others, I have so enjoyed and appreciated your frankness, honesty, and openness, never mind your hysterical sense of humor. And even though I don’t know you personally and have no right to comment on your personal life, it was devastating to hear about the unimaginably difficult time you and your family are going through right now. I can’t imagine how anyone with a shred of human decency could feel otherwise.

    Please know how so many people out here, there, and everywhere are thinking of you, sending you much love, and wishing the best for you and all of your family. You’ve done so much to help others by sharing your life with us, it’s the very least we can do to reach back out to you and offer our support!

  • inward facing girl

    Heather, I’m so glad I got to meet and hug you at Alt Summit. Remember you have a ton of people who love you, many whom you’ve never even met. We’re here for you and thinking of you and your family. xoxo

  • filmgoerjuan

    So sorry to hear this, Heather. Stay strong and I wish you, Jon, Leta and Marlo nothing but the best as you face this challenge in your lives.