• me

    HOLY CRAP (no pun intended) ….

  • Kristin Preston

    No, this is what’s RIGHT with mommyblogging. Hysterical!

  • Jona

    Love how crafting and enemas just came together perfectly in this post. I will never look at a glue bottle the same again…

  • http://twitter.com/ShoppingandInfo ShoppingandInfo

    hah – love it – too classic

  • Sarah M

    Hahahahahaa. Nice.

  • http://www.coachcalorie.com/ Deanna Schober

    You’ve instilled a healthy fear of crafting! I think your job here is done.

  • Kimberly

    Thanks for the chuckle!

  • http://www.northernmum.com/ Jane Blackmore

    Love this! craft and backside antics all in one post! marvellous

  • TheAbsentMindedHousewife

    Whut whut?

  • http://www.kimskitchensink.com Kim’s Kitchen Sink

    Well now this story just about made my entire week.

  • http://kristanhoffman.com/ Kristan

    ROFL. Oh Marlo… The best part is, she’s gonna LOVE this story when she gets older.

    (Also, the newborn puppy startling itself awake with its own fart is legit cute.)

  • Sarah

    I’m glad that this post didn’t end with her ingesting glitter and needing butt medicine. Because that’s where I thought it was going…

  • Sybil Katona

    Glitter is the herpes of the craft world — once you’ve been exposed, you will NEVER be rid of it!!

  • Jenn Lee

    My kid did a drawing for her preschool “Year book.” It was entitled, “The Day Mommy Put a Rocket Up My Butt.” The nice preschool teachers typed the title for everyone to clearly read.

  • http://twitter.com/CarrieWP6 Carrie Piatkowski

    LMAO!

  • http://twitter.com/diana_prichard Diana Prichard

    Somehow I managed to raise two children through toddlerhood with not one enema and to this day I am afraid of what evil karma will come up with to get even. The one time I *thought* I was going to have to give one of them an enema she had shit by the time The Man got home with it. Luckiest day of my life.

  • Jen

    I had Butt bags. Plasic underpants that you had to wear to bed so when you wet the bed, your Mom didn’t have to wash the sheets. My Dad called them butt bags. Once, while visiting our cousins, Dad said something about butt bags and I remember my cousin spitting his milk across the table.
    Yes, I wet the bed well into the time where I can remember this incident. Don’t judge me.

  • http://twitter.com/Submommy Karen

    We solved this problem by giving a suppository. A Butt Bullet, as it were. (ba-dum-dum)

  • Josey

    LMFAO. Oh man, I love your writing so much. You crack me up, Heather. :)

  • Kacey

    Yeah, I don’t understand this at all. Enemas seem pretty darned tortuous & traumatic for a little kid and I can’t see that this is “common” at all. I don’t know one single person who “had” to give their kid an enema and it was certainly never needed for my son.

  • HeatherArmstrong

    We tried suppositories several times and they never worked. Not once.

  • http://www.jenn.nu/ Jenn

    Having an autistic son who sometimes holds his bowel movements due to sensory issues/fear of discomfort, ’round these parts we have two fully-stocked-with-BUTT-MEDICINE-cabinets. I’ve also been known to carry baby wipes and suppositories in my purse when we go on road trips. Eh, you do what you have to.

    Still, I feel for you… and Marlo! And even the poor, confused teacher.

  • HeatherArmstrong

    I am totally sending you a cookie.

  • HeatherArmstrong

    This is one of the best comments ever left on the entire Internet.

  • Cade

    That’s amazing and hilarious!

  • Kacey

    Obviously not a home made cookie, but a cookie would be awesome. In any case, you make blanket statements about 3 year olds – “Kids that age have one painful bowel movement and decide that they’re never going to poop again leading to horrifying constipation. ” Your own experience with your own child does not equate with “kids that age”. And regardless, enemas seem pretty traumatic.

  • Britiney

    This seriously just made my entire week. This post and the Rocket Up My Butt comment. Maybe month.

  • Bunnyhop234

    Kacey, you are annoying. I am pretty sure Heather did not mean that every child that age has had this experience.

  • http://twitter.com/creaves creaves

    Haha! Poor kid.

  • Stew

    This is funny.

  • Guest

    Actually, my three year old has this EXACT PROBLEM. Painful poop = 3 years of awful constipation. Sooo… it’s actually pretty darn accurate for many of us. And it’s nice to know I’m not alone. Don’t judge a situation you’re not familiar with.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000215449796 Kris Washburn

    My son never needed an enema, so I thought I was home free. Not so much with the girl. Yup, that hard painful poop caused me to have to buy enemas in bulk. Yay Costco.

    I, too, though, was expecting a glitter enema story.

  • Sarah

    You would need more room for your weed when dealing with a 3-year-old. I don’t want to come off offensive, but I feel like old Heather is back. Please don’t think I am complaining about your last year of hardship that you shared with us, people can relate either way. I just missed posts like these. I love your touching and personal posts, too. What can I say that I haven’t? I’m a fan of the sarcastic I don’t give a fuck Heather. It’s your fault. :)

  • lizmk

    Normally I can’t really nod my head and say “yes, yes, I hear ya” to mommyblogging stories because I have cats. But, I have had to give enemas to my obese toddler-sized cats. It’s what’s known around here as “kitty volcano” and I can assure you it isn’t quaint. Yay, enemas…

  • Missie

    It’s probably more common than you think. Dealing with this with my 4 y.o. Yup. Holds it until he’s constipated and enemas are a must.

  • Missie

    So funny b/c it is so real. So legit!

  • michele

    I needed a good laugh. this one was great!

  • Ellejay

    My two year old is already starting with the poop refusal. The doctor even warned us about it. And NOW I learn that toddler enemas are commonly necessary? Yet another thing no one mentioned before I went and had a kid!

  • Bryna

    Yup. Right here with three year old with the post potty learning constipation blues. We’re feeding her prune puree EVERY DAY. Which, on it’s way to producing the promised poop produces copious stinky gas. We’re invited to ALL the cool parties.

  • Jodi

    Classic! We to had to give Butt Medicine, only we called it Butt Butt Medicine trying to up the cuteness and downplay the trauma. Nothing says cute and not at all horrible about a 3 year old yelling “NO BUTT BUTT MEDICINE!” Never fear, she’s 14 now and laughs at this story so there’s hope for us all.

  • http://www.facebook.com/greenduckiesgirl Dana Marie Vittum

    Glitter is the herpes of the crafting world. Do not know why anyone would think that glitter and small children go together. Crazy.

  • http://twitter.com/chuggid Laird Nelson

    {favorite}

  • http://www.facebook.com/krista.grillo Krista Grillo

    Three year olds are not little deranged convicts. Toddlers and anyone under the age of five are like tiny, angry, mean drunks. Thinks about it: they are around two-3 feet tall, they have terrible balance, slur their words as they say unreasonable things, yell, throw tantrums, make messes and finally fall down, cry and go to sleep.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jean-Pitzi-Lug/892325603 Jean Pitzi Lug

    google encopresis and soiling solutions. you’ll see how common it actually is. Heather is very open about this, but because of people like you who react like this, most people do not talk about it, and therefore you very may well know someone who has had to give their child an enema. You think and enema is traumatic? What about a kid who is so backed from holding it that they throw up poop? Or a kid who develops mega colon (stretched out colon) because they were so backed up, and then they continually leak feces because it can’t be controlled. Don’t judge someone about something you know nothing about.

  • Casey @ The Baker Bee

    I. Just. Cried.

  • http://www.homewiththekids.com/blog/ Stephanie – Home with the Kids

    You are making me so grateful that Miralax worked for my son. He had huge (and I mean HUGE) problems with constipation, but our doctor had us use Miralax. Just sounds way easier than butt medicine.

  • Jen

    Your first time helping at preschool? So a ‘mommy blogger’ doesn’t do ‘mommy stuff’?

  • MB

    Best analogy ever.

  • MB

    1. You’re pretty annoying.
    2. Obviously you have never potty trained or dealt with children and their bowel movements.
    3. My daughter heard an automatic flush toilet at three years of age while we were in the middle of finishing up potty training and it took her almost SIX years to get over her fear of auto-flush toilets.
    4. An enema is a lot better than an impacted bowel needing the care of a physician.
    5. Switch to decaf.

  • http://twitter.com/MosaicTutoring Cory Zacker

    Too damn funny. Thanks for the laugh, Heather!