• That Melanie Girl

    Ya know nibblers – like bears, say – will go through that duct tape in less than a minute flat. Go to Loews or Home Depot and get them for about $30. Better, make the landlady do it. Ew.

  • Kristy Phillips Merrill

    Heh heh – good of you to clarify about the koala being delivered via chimney. I’ll send him to your P.O. box instead…

  • http://blog.shanparker.com shanparker

    Well if it is a raccoon, that tape will last about 7 seconds. Had to deal with raccoons myself. I’m fully aware of the terror that rips through your heart when you wake up at 3am to one clawing inside of your walls/roof. I’ve trapped them in my yard before and left unattended will destroy any and everything they can reach. Hopefully the professionals got your fixed up quickly.

  • rebecca

    ,,,duck tape. a brilliant solution. people make prom and wedding dresses with it why not guard our homes with the tape. did anyone, the next morning, share the good news with marlo? i would have given anything to be a fly on the fireplace to see her reaction. that she slept through lions and tigers and bears and did you say a raccoon?,,,

  • rebecca

    ,,,oh and what is to the left of Chuck on the floor of the fireplace in the ziplock bag? legos? pink plastic barbie shoes? sparkly wind up toys? the bears love that shit. like honey. perhaps you could use the incident of last night as a segway to getting rid of all the plastic crap. tell marlo and leta it attracts anything that has lots of hair on it. (smile),,,

  • kmpinkel

    what is the freaking deal with you and animals in your houses? You are like a magnet. Too bad you can’t get a giraffe to show up. That would be awesome.

  • joan newcomb

    Koalas have super long claws, you wouldn’t want ‘em either. The duct tape was a joke, wasn’t it? ‘Cause raccoons, squirrels, bats, rats, birds, by now they’ve all gotten into your chimneys. Hope the pros cap them soon!

  • Beffgus

    Koalas, while adorable, can be mean motherfuckers when they want to. Which is why they are my spirit animal.

  • Short and Feisty

    I know I sound like a bigot, but this is why I am not ok with men being gay–because all of the good ones are NOT available for me me ME!! He’s got impeccable style, he’s handy around the house, keeps you organized, is not afraid of heights, and is pretty darn attractive. All of the gay male friends I have, which is a lot considering I live in LA, are freakishly fantastic men…that I can’t ever be with. Where is the justice for single women all around the world?!

  • Aberrussel

    No, no you don’t want a koala. They can be very mean and bite! Also, as I was told at a Sanctuary in Melbourne, koalas have chlamydia. OY

  • Manz

    So, why is nobody discussing the fact that the landlady lied to your face!? Could you video it when you call her out on that?

  • Carla King

    I wonder how many hits you just got on your contact page. :)

  • Teal

    Two thoughts: Leta has her own fireplace? Wow! And: Couldn’t small rodents still get between the strips of duct tape?

    How dare that meanie landlady lie to you. What a poopie-head!

  • Sin City Cowgirl

    Sorry, Short and Fiesty,
    But Gay men rock – and how can you NOT be OK with good looking, handy, sensitive, stylish GAY MEN in our lives?? They make my world go round! Tyrant and Dane, you can come to my house anytime and cap my capless chimney – I will give you my cowboy hats to wear to keep the sun off of your beautiful faces!!

  • Short and Feisty

    That’s my point–sorry if my sarcasm didn’t come through!

  • Sin City Cowgirl

    No – I get it! I wish my boyfriend was just a little bit gay!! :)

  • eiyan

    Yeah, I agree with the others who suggest that you might not want a koala in your chimney. Have you heard of drop bears?

  • http://www.escapingelegance.com/ Stephanie Reidy

    Where were the safety harnesses?!? Sorry, just my crazy gut reaction to that photo. :)

  • Guest

    I speak from experience when I say: Duct tape will not stop a raccoon or squirrel or bear. You need iron bars. That landlord either got bamboozled or lied. Either way, she needs to fix it.

  • http://allconsuming.com.au/ allconsuming

    Upside of koalas – they sleep a LOT. Downside – they’re cranky motherfuckers. Also: ticks. But if it’s Antipodean animals you’re after how about a possum? Those shits eat anything and everything to a stump and if you do anything to deter them they get all MALIGNANT and BITTER at you by pissing over every outdoor surface IN EXISTENCE. Also: ticks. How about bandicoots? They’re pretty cute, not to big but they will dig up your lawn in random spots creating nice divets for you to roll your ankle in. Often. Also: ticks. I’d advise a platypus – shy, difficult to find and only one poison spur. I’m not sure about their tick status.

  • http://allconsuming.com.au/ allconsuming

    And also, still no hippo? TRY HARDER HEATHER, TRY HARDER.

  • Erin Gill

    Koalas can be really mean and scratchy, but they’re mostly cool. They just eat Eucalyptus and chillax. They wouldn’t go down your chimney, they’re not dicks like that.