• ALester

    Oh, does God read twitter? What’s his handle?

  • Lindzgrl

    Wow, it’s good to see that Carrie’s mom got on Twitter. Maybe she’ll stop locking her daughter in that creepy prayer room now.

  • http://www.absentmindedhousewife.com/ The Absent Minded Housewife

    I don’t think the sister missionaries would know the first thing about vibrator repair….
    They could fix the hell out of your electric toothbrush though.

  • Melissa

    People do not get sarcasm. Your tweet wasn’t even about Jesus in the first place.

  • Jennifer Cafferty-Davis

    I literally burst out laughing when she hit the “demonic tweet” section. I mean, the entire thing made me laugh, but the demonic part just sent it home. WOW. The world needs more people like Kathryn. (sarcasm) Entertainment at its finest!

  • Jennifer Cafferty-Davis

    Which, if you think about it, probably has all of the same components as the vibrator. Golden!

  • ErinZ

    I know it’s one of these I just can’t remember which one: @Died4UrGrins @OMSonOfG @HaySoooz @OriginalHipsterBeard @VibeRepair69

  • mt2slc

    Thinking about how much heather looks Like Piper from OITNB, I read all of Kathryn East’s posts in the voice of that crazy little crackhead zealot’s voice from the show.

  • Jancave

    Heather, I’m shocked and appalled you don’t have a Tag for ‘vibrator’. That woman could clearly benefit from Vibrator Missionaries coming to her house….

  • Vicki A

    I. Love. You!!! You are awesome and always make me giggle!!

  • potat

    “He’s God, and you’re not” Oh man, I’m totally using that one.

  • KimFunk

    Spending quality time by yourself requires a working vibrator.

  • Michael Mathews

    Oh, the righteous indignation.

  • KristenfromMA

    Heather, I’m driving the party bus to Hell. You are welcome to join the party – it’s going to be epic! :D

  • http://fckwhatyouheard.wordpress.com/ Lunashademom

    Zowie. Did anyone send her a xanax yet?

  • AwSniggity

    I’ll bring the brownies!

  • Laura Metzger

    I literally just hired my first employee last week and his name is Jesus (hay-soos!).

    I should let her know that the real, living Jesus actually thinks Heather’s tweet was funny.

    I am going to get so much mileage out of this.

  • Sarah

    I’m pretty sure Kathryn East’s vibrator has been broken for at least 10 years…

  • Kate H

    I offered a pair of missionaries some bottled water when they showed up at my door on a warmish day a few years back and they said they were not allowed to accept anything, which seems prudent.

  • Erica

    did no one mention that, if you are a Christian believer, that our bodies were designed to have orgasms and therefore orgasms must be a gift of God? Why, therefore, is it blasphemy to ask missionaries to fix the vibrator? Ms. Kathryn failed to clarify if she thought that orgasm and masturbation were the sin, or if the sin were in airing to the sister missionaries your private items, thereby behaving disrespectfully.

  • Erika B

    I don’t understand why she follows you on Twitter if she’s so offended.
    Dumb people are tres annoying.

  • http://www.luvandkiwi.com/ Tish

    holy (no pun intended) shit! so yeah, I follow you and all so I ‘know’ your humor, but even if I didn’t I’d detect humor in your posts. How do these high almighty sensitive weirdos even find you? Do they follow you to save you? I just don’t get trolls…like at all? I don’t know how they function or why they function. A School House Rock song should be done about this…

  • Guest

    Preach like Paul, Kathryn!

  • Esther Auerbrach

    Preach like Paul, Kathryn! Well done.

  • Robyn C.

    How thoughtful of her to write a blog post for you! lmao THANK YOU for the hearty laughs! And I look forward to the good company in hell! :)

  • Pam

    I am saddened to see all this. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. He is real, and one day we will have to give an account for our actions. I am first to raise my hand to say I sin, and don’t fear Him as I should, but, it’s not the place I want to be. I have come to understand something about God. He loves us more than we can ever imagine. He desires that no one goes to hell ! He gave His one and only Son, while we were yet His enemies. If someone has a child, then they can somewhat fathom how hard that must’ve been. We can’t possibly fully know the full extent of that sacrifice, but we can relate to some degree. I pray if you don’t know Jesus as your personal Lord and savior you would please reconsider. He will never force anyone to accept Him. But He makes it very clear that He is the only way to the Father, and there is no other way into heaven except by Him. If we will but just repent and turn from our sins, and will accept Him into our lives, He will radically change our lives. There is no sin that is too bad that God will not forgive you or I for. If we are genuinely sorry, He will forgive us. Now that is love!!!

  • malissa

    Pretty much the best comment, and I’ve thought the same thing for a while….she does remind me of Piper.

  • Leiah

    She is who I refer to as a ‘hypochristian’…you know, “Front-Pew-Sister-Bertha-Better-Than-You.”
    And if y’all get there before me, save me a seat not too close to the fire!

  • ER

    well, if she’s going to be in heaven, I’m not even sure I want to go there. Hell seems like it will be full of much more fun people….

  • Lauren

    I’ve got the vodka!

  • nervrom

    But, will he fix her vibrator?

  • Running Meg

    Oh my goodness. You just opened up a whole can of worms for people to be all “Dooce is bullying this poor Mormon”, etc, etc. I cannot wait for the hate mongerers to jump on that band wagon!
    I did like the part about it being hot in hell. We’re in the middle of a polar vortex here in the midwest. I’ll take some warmth, thank you very much. And a working vibrator.

  • Romesick

    My very favorite part is #hell.

  • Kate

    That’s all I could think of the entire time…Pennsatucky! What a wacko!

  • Shaman Kitten

    Did she not read the Twitter TOS? It specifically stated on paragraph 7 that Twitter is a tool of Satan. #betterluckonmyspace

  • mt2slc

    Pennsatucky!! That’s it, I couldn’t remember her name yesterday – but hoped my description would make sense to all OITNB fans.

  • grad.nauseam

    But… if she saw your tweet, doesn’t that mean that *she* follows you on twitter and is therefore… how did she put it? Having “fellowship w/ the unfruitful works of darkness” ?

  • labworker

    I am wondering why she was even following you on twitter in the first place?

  • EdDebevic

    My reading of the New Testament leads me to conclusion that Christ’s harshest judgement is reserved for hypocrites, those who are all too willing to cast the first stone. What possibly can be more hypocritical than professing Christ’s love while simultaneously condemning a person to hell?

  • issascrazyworld

    Jesus would never say what you said….well yeah, probably not. I doubt there were vibrators back then. Or at least not ones with batteries. Heh. I have to say, if for some reason miss no humor is right, imagine the wicked parties in hell. Filled with hey, probably everyone fun.

  • issascrazyworld

    Also? PLEASE make that your next header! Ha.

  • Kat

    I love that one, too. It’s only missing ‘nee-ner nee-ner’.

  • http://www.thegreatdanaj.com/ Dana Jones

    This is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. Ha!

  • Breanne

    The following are possible contenders: @TheTweetofGod, @TheGoodGodAbove, or @god. But none of them are really following any of us, so I think our sinful tweets are safe.

  • Michael Lassman

    Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Jesus loves everyone! All that Kathryn is doing is sharing the real truth with you people, and every post I have read has been damning and judgmental. I submit that you all need to take a real close look at yourselves and see just how hate filled your comments have been and how shallow you are coming across. Yes Jesus loves even you! I pray that you all allow him into your hearts and find what real love and caring for each other looks like.

  • Ashiashay

    so many of us heathens out here…so little time. ;)

  • Lynn@bullcasm

    And if you’re Amy Farrah Fowler, the same use. #Gerard

  • sincerely_jenni

    Oh my gosh… is that a real Twitter account? I’m dying laughing reading all those Tweets. I clearly don’t follow the right people.

  • J E Double S

    I loved this more than Jesus loved his wine.

  • Heather

    I’ve been reading about Projective Identification lately – very interesting – and Kathryn (the really good Christian, just ask her) said: “You’re crazy, sick, and delusional.” She is projecting how she feels about herself onto others…via Twitter, of all things. I do love the Internet. Thank you for making me laugh out loud today: “Will he fix my vibrator?”