• wh0oznicole

    I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. As soon as my daughter was born, I had my tubes tied. Right after the C-section. Best decision I ever made. I know my tolerance for pain.

  • Megan

    As an older sister who at 9 years old got up at 4am with Mom to get myself ready and help get my five-and-a-half-years younger toddler sister ready, I both commend you and deeply empathize.
    (Perhaps this is why I’ve yet to have kids? Permanently traumatized my biological clock?)

  • melizerd

    I have an only child by choice. I felt guilty for like 1 second about not giving him a sibling. What I do is revel in the fact that we can go places and do things easily. Wrangling one small human IS easier than more, it’s simple math. I love my small family and wouldn’t trade it for the world.

  • Amy G

    I only have one seven year old, but she sounds a lot like Marlo in the mornings. My husband mentioned something about having another baby last night, and I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

  • Erica Moriarty

    My second child is almost 5 months and it is so so hard. Having one kid was a breeze. Having two kids is going to kill me. And yeah mornings can suck it.

  • http://kristanhoffman.com/ Kristan

    I’m a happy non-serial-killer only child. Don’t worry. :)

  • http://www.absentmindedhousewife.com/ The Absent Minded Housewife

    In my opinion, three and four year old children suck. It’s my least favorite age. Childrearing, yes, even teenagers, is better than three and four year olds.

  • Marissa

    The fever dance — just finished 10 days of that, five days with the 4 1/2 yr old and then 5 more with the 2 1/2 yr old. Before the fever fun, the girls were at my mother’s house for two days and it was just me and my 13 yr old son, and we both commented on how calm the house was and we didn’t bicker at all. It’s like they had to double down on the chaos to make up for those two days.

  • Jennifer Wagner

    I did the same! No more, for sure. Two is a lot! My oldest is a boy Marlo’s age and my youngest is a 1 1/2 year old girl. She makes everything more work, especially since she already has a shoe fetish and opinion on what shoes to wear….which are rarely practical for the day. She also has a temper which we have termed as she “hulks out”. BUT…she is my sunshine and the amazing moments outweigh the craziness.

  • issascrazyworld

    What’s sad is that by the time Marlo does hit the ten year old can get herself dressed thing…you’ll likely have a 15 year old who is refusing to get up to contend with. ;)
    I’m totally with you though. Right now my girls are easy in the morning. However my five year old is a rightful pain in the butt every morning. Well except on weekends when he shows up fully dressed and fed and is ready to go do things….at 6:15am.

  • issascrazyworld

    ps. I fear the puke. FEAR!

  • Jen Wilson

    You just described my 7-year-old TO A TEE. Getting a 12-year-old ready for school is a breeze when the 7-year-old is sick and therefore not concerned with anyone but herself (though she’ll whine and groan and moan and be demanding and wake us up 857 times in the night) and is not instigating fights or taking 300 years to get one sock on or whining when I tell her it’s too cold for the sun dress she picked out to wear on a -67 degree January day or complaining about what was in the lunch her sister packed for her. But I’m with ya with all the blah blah love love stuff. :)

  • maggie wilkin

    THis is funny to me, only because my 2 girls are almost exactly like yours, the older one who follows every rule and just does what is expected of her and the free-spirited younger child who doesn’t give a single flying fuck what anyone thinks or who she makes late (including herself) and will only put her pants on when she is good and ready and if you even consider rushing her you better be prepared to pay. Unfortunately, at 8 years old, it is still very difficult to get her to focus and she acts more like a toddler than an almost pre-teen. We recently removed everything artificial from her diet (Feingold Diet) and it has made a HUGE HUGE difference. She can actually sit through an entire meal! And finish a sentence without being distracted! And best of all, get ready in the morning without too much yelling on my part. But if you rush her, you still better watch your back.

  • Manisha

    One and done.

  • http://toomuch-notenough.blogspot.com/ ST

    All of my kids got sick this week, my almost-5-year-old included. And instead of not being difficult for a change, she threw a fit, stomped her foot, and told me how much she hates me. I’m just grateful my other two kids still appreciate me (or, at the very least, are non-verbal compared to her). Also, 10 sounds like the most magical of ages; I like this whole “little kid” thing, but 10 sounds even better.

  • http://toomuch-notenough.blogspot.com/ ST

    What is this magical child you speak of, who follows rules and does what is expected? I have three kids and they all sound much more like the latter child you describe (of course, two of them are toddlers, so that’s part of it, I hope).

  • Robin Dearing

    I have a 13-year-old daughter and a 24-year-old stepson who was 9 when I met his dad. Having a 10 year old and a baby was really perfect for me. I knew from the minute I got pregnant that I could never raise a bunch of little ones at once. I have friends with triplets and friends with three boys, both those situations make me want to run for the Xanax. The smartest mom decision I ever made was only having one of my own.

  • ABR

    When my sister and BIL announced they were pregnant with their second child a friend of mine looked at her and said, “Having two is not like having two kids. It’s like having 5 kids.” I fully understand what you mean and I AM a morning person. There are mornings when I have my 2 nieces (9yrs and 4yrs) and my son (2yrs) and I find myself wondering if it’s too early to have a drink.

  • Pia

    We have an eight-week old and during the first two weeks I routinely cried out of gratitude that we didn’t have twins (I also once cried because the Chinese food was taking too long to be delivered, but that’s another story). I am still SO CONFUSED as to how people manage more than one child. Maybe I am exceptionally weak? Maybe it gets easier when they’re older (please let that be true)? And I AM a morning person!

  • http://oddlovescompany.com/blog/ Katybeth

    Happy only child, raising happy only child. No guilt ever. I never want one more and neither did my husband or my son. I did however borrow 6 week old Henry yesterday—he is youngest of SIX (3 girls, 3 boys alternating, oldest 19 year old girl) and my friends husband dared to leave town. Loaner babies and siblings are FUN. Thanks to all the other parents that make that possible.

  • QueenofCupcakes

    My mother lied to me, she kept saying “2 kids really isn’t twice the work, it is almost twice the work, but not quite!” She really wanted another grand kid, I guess! My kids have a similar age spread but one is 6 and the other is almost 2. Nothing quite like getting breakfast while one is in tears over something and the other is attached to my leg screaming “UP! UP! UP!” I loathe mornings too.

  • Kristin

    Amen, sister. Mornings are no picnic right now with a three year old who refuses everything, including being potty trained. Hopefully, she pick that skill up by the time she’s ten.

  • Rach

    My best friend is a single mom of 19 month old boy/girl twins. Enough said.

  • janedole123

    Thank you for this. Signed, the worrier. :)

  • Rhonda

    Amen. And I have THREE.

  • your name

    Your poorly behaved child is your own fault.

  • Rachel

    Ahahahaha your attempt at mom-shaming is adorable.

  • http://www.absentmindedhousewife.com/ The Absent Minded Housewife

    Don’t I hear your mother calling you?

  • Janie T

    ARGH!! I have one child. A beautiful, sweet daughter who is now 18. Going.off.to.college.18. Yes, I had years of easier mornings than you. Yes, I have felt STOMACH CHURNING GUILT over not giving her a sibling, even though it was not possible. Yet now I am soooo envious of you because my only daughter will go merrily to college, and leave me with an empty house. Send me Marlo for a few weeks, please? I promise I will send her back! : ) You can send Chuck as well, I will wear a gas mask for him.

  • Janie T

    Gee, whose fault are you?

  • Ari

    I’m a pretty serious proponent of the idea that while we always love our children, we don’t have to actually like them from moment to moment. I mean, fuck, I hope we don’t. Children of mine, if you are reading this from the future, A. That’s creepy, stop, and B. YOU WERE ONLY SOMETIMES LIKEABLE AT 4 AND 2, SORRY.

  • kmpinkel

    I nodded. Did you feel it? I have four, I nodded really hard and fast. So much so that I just started hitting my head against the wall. This is not unlike any other day. Amen.

  • http://esthergood.com Esther

    Ha! I love having two, because it means that every once in a while, they play with each other and leave me alone. But of course there are all the hours in all of the days that I am literally prying them off of each other.

  • Tiffany

    It gets easier as they get older! Well, harder in some ways and easier in others. I’m also a morning person and an only child and we ended up having a second baby even though I was convinced I was going to fail at two kids because HOW do you MANAGE that. What I tell myself constantly is that many people have three or more kids and they can manage, so surely I can do two. Surely. So far it’s working.

  • Ari

    I’m sure you’re not exceptionally weak–having two kids kind of works the same way managing one kid works when you’re tired or sick: you manage it because it needs to be managed, even though you feel like you can’t possibly have those resources (I kind of assume I’m spending years off my life, me). Much also depends on the disposition of your particular kids, also. I’ve heard that eventually they entertain each other, but I haven’t gotten to that stage yet. Basically, all parents are superheroes, to whatever degree superheroism is required for the job with which they are faced.

  • Janie T

    Thank you! I’m crying over “cried because the Chinese food was taking too long”). Your baby is only 8 weeks, so sweet. What happens is, we forget. We forget the huge yucky pieces of time when the first was chaos, and BOOM! have another. You too will forget. Sorry!

  • Ari

    Thank you for this reassurance. My eldest is 4, and after all the hype about terrible 2s (which were fine, actually?), I’ve sometimes worried that things will just get worse and worse every year until infinity.

  • Ari

    You’d think they’d have included their mom’s info so we could give her a call.

  • Alexa

    Haha, I’m 23; my dream forever was to have 4 kids. Reading this detailed illustration makes me not wanna have kids for the first time.

  • LavenderWynter

    Hi. I’ve been following your blog for a long time now, and it’s from here that I’ve gotten a lot of good advice that has helped me with my own two children – boy, four and girl, three – who needs nebulizer treatments in the morning (I have to do one at a time, 20 minutes each child) while I get both dressed, fed, hair brushed, tied, socks on, shoes on, sweaters on, lunches and water bottles packed, and walk them both to each his/her own bus as they go to different schools. I’m not a morning person, and it does help knowing that frustrations are normal.

    Okay, “frustration” really is an understatement. =D

    But I do hope Marlo is feeling better so that this weekend would at least not be wrecked by food traveling the WRONG way through the digestive system =).

    Much love and (hopefully) happy weekend (almost)!

  • Aundrea

    One and done, as well. The only guilt I feel is when I try complaining to my friends who have more than one. For some reason, they don’t wanna hear it! :)

  • KC

    Hang in there. This too shall pass ;-)

    I have heard stories my whole life about what a booger I was to my older brother and sister. My mom has told me how I would scream my head off if either one of them was playing with a toy, until she would make them give it to me just to shut me up!

  • Marina

    Tylenol is used to lower a fever, not advil/ibuprofen (it won’t do it.. different class of drugs.)

  • Hanni

    What?? You don’t use ibuprofen to lower a fever? Hmmm…my and my daughter’s fevers must have gone down all on their own after taking ibuprofen…weird. Sorry, but Tylenol doesn’t work as well…

  • http://www.googlepants.com/ Wizard of Odyssey

    Know when to hold em, know when to fold em. Know when to walk away, know when to run.

  • wilberfan

    I thought fevers were the body’s way of fighting–whatever triggered the fever response. Wouldn’t it be best to monitor the fever (to make sure it doesn’t get to dangerous levels) and let it do it’s job? Well intentioned question…

  • LavenderWynter

    Tylenol and ibuprofen both reduce fevers. Some children take more to one than another, while it doesn’t make a difference for others. The difference in these medication is how the body processes them. Tylenol (acetaminophen) is processed through the liver. Ibuprofen is processed through the stomach, so ibuprofen could irritate a child if used too much or not enough water has been ingested. At least, that’s what I remember from my pediatrician =).

  • LavenderWynter

    Yes, from 99.1 to 101 can be monitored, but at 101 is where most mothers introduce the fever reducer treatment as it gets uncomfortable for children (achy, and they get really fussy when they’re achy). Hope that helps =).

  • Kate

    I never forgot how hard it was and therefore we have one five and 1/2 year old son. I couldn’t ever wrap my mind around how I could manage another without completely losing my mind. Know your limits and respect them. It does get easier – the overall arc of parenting really is generally up with a lot of dips along the way. But I never wanted to repeat all the other hard stuff, I’m looking at you morning sickness, 36 hour labor followed by emergency c-section, THE FIRST SIX WEEKS, five bazillion diapers, breast-feeding a lot of the time, teething, sleep training, potty training, eighteen to twenty four months, and the entire third year. I am a morning person and getting my kid out the door to preschool everyday pretty much drives me to the brink every damned day.

    Thank you Heather as always for saying so well what it is hard to explain to others.

  • Kim

    I was only going to say – three and all out of the house (but two still on the payroll). Hang in there – you’ll get there one day.
    But when I scrolled through the comments I saw a comment about “your poor parenting skills” and I have to add – shut up, bitch! Heather – we all know you are a great mom.