Take Vise GripsÆ and lock them onto various teeth/gum areas (best if used on front teeth) and then pull down hard.

Oops. Sorry. Here's my contribution: papercut on your eyeball, and someone filled the Visine bottle with lemon juice.

scrotal botfly infestation

Going to a punk rock show and getting your finger bitten by the out-of-control frontman, who didn't realize that while he tried to take your plastic cup out of your hand, he took your left pointer fingertip with it. (I'm typing with my normally unused right hand, forgive mistakes)

My favorite was always 'sliding down a razor blade into pool of alcohol.'
But the tooth/Vise grips one is fucking sick, man.

Sulfuric Acid Urethra Enema

- eating a booger ball.
- gnawing the penis of a small dog.
- getting locked naked in an industrial size dryer set on 40 minutes at the highest temperature.
- having your eyelids cut off and then being buried up to your neck in a giant red ant hill and having someone pour honey on your head.

inserting a glass catheter in your (well, maybe not *your*) penis, then hitting it with a hammer.

inhaling hot wax into your nasal cavities, letting it dry, then yanking it out. (ok - maybe that's not grosser than gross, but it would definitely hurt like hell!)

or how about this - a friend of mine was an intern in a hospital and told me about a hooker who came in with a bad case of genital warts and herpes - around her colostomy hole!

Being Paralyzed and aware, but not really dead.....and then having an autopsy done on you (That was on some bizzare Twilight zone or something) Sliding off of a bicycle, hitting a guardrail with your leg, watching it bend in half mid-shin, and then seeing the bone through the blood (actual experience....uugh...it hurts thinking about it)

Damn! brittney go to it first

* A mayonnaise and hair sandwich!

* Taking a long sip from your strawberry milkshakes and having someone's fingernail come through the straw into your mouth (THIS HAPPENED TO ME!)

* Having your underdeveloped twin -- a mass of hair and teeth --extracted from your stomach (read this in some scientific mag!)

* Sitting down to a holiday dinner of someone's extracted 30 pound tumor stuffed with walnut and cockroach dressing(I sure do HATE walnuts!)

* Helping an acquaintance move and finding a stash of used tampons under her couch cushions!

* Pulling off your fingernails and then having to cut jalapenos and lemons!

* The movie "Glitter!"

I'm trying to remember the SNL sketch:

"You know what I hate?"
"No, what?"
"I hate when I take a long pice of..."
"Dental floss?"
"No, no... it's metal, and kinds pointy at parts..."
"Barbed wire?"
"Yea! That's it! When I take a long piece of barbed wire and I shove it up one nostril and pull it down the other then I tie it around... whatcha call them?"
"Telephone poll?"
"No, no they're kinda like sheep... hop around on rocks all day?"
"Mountian goat?"
"YEA! I tie the barbed wire around the horns of a mountian goat fire a starter's pistol.."
"Oh man I know what you mean. I Hate it when that happens!"

now I'm sick.