I am one of those men who asks why the new roll (often installed in the morning before I go to work) is down to 3 squares by the time I get home. Ok, maybe this is an exaggeration. There's sometimes 5 squares left. I just don't understand why it takes 635 squares to get clean and dry! It seems that if one were at home, stepping 2 feet into the SHOWER might make more sense. Why not feel clean all over?
I'll get off my soapbox now.

Zan: you are *such* a man.

And my fella complains about the toilet paper usage around here, saying that "women use more". Well, duh. You just don't want to be an adult with diaper rash.

But get this, when you compare the usage in the only way you can--how much everyone uses and after the events during that we both sit down for--this boy uses more. We're not just talking a touch more. We're talking toilet-clogging wipe his ass with the whole roll while it's still on the cardboard more.

This whole discussion makes want a bidet.

I really like Nibs.

Another TP issue: Under or Over? I prefer Over, simply for aesthetic reasons.

1. Bucci, you must be a man.
2. Over -- under gives me the creeps.
3. I'll sign that bill immediately.
4. What about the using TP as kleenex rule -- I'm pro-this but I know people who are violently against it, but I just think they're the same ones who blow their nose in their hands in the shower.

Wait! People blow there noses in their hands? Christ!

Under for easier one-handed tearing.

You're all gross and have gross bums and pudenda. You need to make a big ball of tissue first and wet it, because without water, the clean is superficial (yes sir, I do say so). Then you make another wad and do another run to dry off (a dry run, in other words, heh).

That way, you're clean and ready for action. Who cares about high usage stats when, as Dooce said, you can get 'em by the 78?

(Plus, this is all a matter of perspective. If you stop thinking in terms of "squares" and instead in terms of, say, "rolls" or "no streaks", you'll have no problems at all.)

I share a bathroom with two girls. It takes us about 3.5 days to finish a roll of single ply. We're too poor to buy good stuff so we use the paper the college supplies. It's horrible.

My parents have a bidet (It came with the house). Bidets, to me, don't make wiping easier. It makes your whole groinal area wet, and you use even more paper just to dry it all. (Plus how would it work against a rather nasty poo? I don't want it spraying my mess back up into my bottom system.)

When I was little I used to use the bidet to wash my feet. I just found out last year that both my mom and dad have started using it on a regular basis.

Also, my boyfriend does the blowing-nose-in-hands-whilst-showering thing. Then he gets all disgusted when I pee in the shower. This is also the guy who will walk into the bathroom while I'm doing my morning bathroom routine, and take a wee. Right there. Just wizzing away. He's somehow mastered a "no hands" technique, which is rather unsettling. I love him so.

there's another Over Vs Under question that's appropriate here, and one that's come up in our family recently as we teach the kiddies to wipe solo:

Do you wipe from UNDER the front, or do you go OVER the backside?

She says under.

I say over.

Also I'm with S. If you want to get truly clean, I suggest Huggies Natural Care Baby Wipes. They clean like a washcloth. I'm hooked.

two plies a day... that's impossible! an average human being will poop 2-4 times a day. two plies... that's not only impossible but very, very cruel...

i would actually perfer it if men would do a bit of wiping over just jiggling it.

First, love that animated bear TP commercial.
Second, Charmin sucks. There's no grip. I'm trying to clean it, not get it to take a nap!
Can I get an amen?

So one night Roger and Christina and I are all talking about wiping and the amount of toilet paper necessary and this subject has come up because we are all drinking and Christina has come out of the bathroom laughing about the fact that she hates it when she goes to wipe and she hasn't used enough paper and her hand gets a little wet. And we're all, like, "Yeah, that sucks. Hee hee." And then Roger says, "But I hate it worse when I go number two and don't use enough paper and get something worse on my hands. Hee hee! Know what I'm talkin' about?!" At which me and Christina just stare in horror because, NO, we do not know what he's talking about. So we start telling him that it was all funny and everything until he went there and there's no way in hell we would ever suffer the angst of poop on the hand because we ALWAYS mummify the hand before it is sent to rid our underside of said excrement. Roger felt a little stupid. Then we laughed again.

P.S. Dooce, I totally love you more.