The Loni Anderson Effect
So I'm on the phone with my father last night, and it is reiterated to me as it was throughout my childhood that the two most important things about a woman are her boobs and her cooking.
And so I turn to Jon, my darling husband, and I say, "It's always the same with him, the boobs and the cooking, can you believe that?"
And Jon looks at me and says, "You know that's crazy. There's so much more to you than your boobs and your cooking."
And I'm like, exactly!
And he says, "But, I really do like your boobs."
And I say, "You really like my cooking too, right?"
And he says, "Of course. God, I love your cooking."
And we both pause and think for a second, and then look at each other and say simultaneously, "Maybe it is about the boobs and the cooking."
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FM Living
the propagandist said:
oh god. my therapist is going to be able to buy a goddam lexus off my restaurant fetish if this is true...
02.03.03 - 07:34 AM / 1Jen said:
Dad's are smart. It's all about the boobs and cooking with my dad too.
02.03.03 - 07:35 AM / 2Cindy said:
Oh no no no
02.03.03 - 07:35 AM / 3leandra said:
If that's all it is I'll be married forever... I know one person who loves my healthy endowment of breasts and cooking skills. :)
02.03.03 - 07:35 AM / 4the mighty jimbo said:
boobs, cooking, and fart jokes too.
jon is a lucky, lucky man.
02.03.03 - 07:37 AM / 5otherjen said:
I am also in luck if that is true, but I would agree that fart jokes should be added. Or at leasting farting.
02.03.03 - 07:45 AM / 6Emeril Lagasse said:
Bam! That's going to be my new show on the Food Network. Bam!
02.03.03 - 08:05 AM / 7Alex said:
I neither cook nor do I have boobs (they're Gwynethesque rather than Brittanyish)yet I'm married.
My husband, however, is a fabulous cook and has a nice chest -- so I guess ONE person in the relationship has to possess the boobage and the cooking skills or else it'll all fall apart...
02.03.03 - 08:10 AM / 8Desiree said:
I love that simple archaic logic about sustenance (feeding your man & feeding your family). I think I am an average cook and I know I have nice but average breasts; my very cool and so far from being any kind of chauvenist husband also just confirmed that indeed it IS about boobs and cooking... not that either need to be spectacular or grand -- it's just enough that they "be". :)
02.03.03 - 08:13 AM / 9Naaman said:
I can't think of a single way to disprove that. I'm starting to think I'm a chauvinist.
They should have a checkmark on the marriage license for that.
02.03.03 - 08:18 AM / 10Lola said:
Hmmmmm. Well. I've got the great boobs, and my husband has the mad cooking skills, so when you put us together we have the boobs and the cooking. So maybe that's how it works...if you don't have the boobs, but you have the kitchen thing down, then you better pick a man with fabulous pectorals. eh?
02.03.03 - 08:22 AM / 11Danika said:
Well I don't cook.. and my boobs are probably average... I guess I'm in trouble.
02.03.03 - 08:34 AM / 12Terry said:
Who are we to argue with your father's logic?
02.03.03 - 08:40 AM / 13Caveman said:
*gruntgrunt* boobs. food. boobs. food *grunt* football. food. boobs.
02.03.03 - 08:42 AM / 14da said:
it's not just the boobs and the cooking, they have to be in the correct porportions. 90% cooking / 10% boobs probably wouldn't cut it.
02.03.03 - 09:13 AM / 15PJ said:
Loni Anderson can cook?
02.03.03 - 09:20 AM / 16clueless man said:
Loni Anderson has boobs?
02.03.03 - 09:47 AM / 17Titular Man said:
I've got a vision:
c(o)(o)king with d(o)(o)ce!
02.03.03 - 09:52 AM / 18Heather #2 said:
(o)(o)
Fucking hilarious! (Who thinks of this shit???)
As for me, I've got boobs and I know how to cook, so I guess I don't need the relationship part. Ah, fuck. Who the hell am I kidding. Yes I do! (Why can't we grow penises like we grow herbs? I'd fucking be set.)
02.03.03 - 10:04 AM / 19Funtime Ben said:
"Who thinks of this shit???"
The Japanese, they have keyboard equivalents for everything.
(*^_^*)
02.03.03 - 10:15 AM / 20Tremorr said:
In one of his essay collections, David Sedaris (of NPR fame) describes a hilarious prank his sister (the actress Amy Sedaris from Strangers with Candy) played on their father who was of a similar mindset. Unnaturally obsessed with his daughers' looks, father Sedaris was shocked one xmas season when Amy shows up with a GARGANTUAN ass. Unknown to him, she was wearing half of a fat suit. Hilarity ensues.
02.03.03 - 10:15 AM / 21Alex said:
Oh my god! I love that story. Here is the link for those who want to read it:
http://www.esquire.com/humor/
sedaris/articles/000301_mds_
suit01_1.html
If I were a gay man, my mission in life would be to make David Sedaris mine *sigh*
02.03.03 - 10:18 AM / 22Tremorr said:
Thanks for posting the link, Alex. David Sedaris rules, and his essay "A Plague of Tics" has made me much more tolerant of my marvelous-but-becoming-rather-peculiar 6 year old son.
02.03.03 - 10:24 AM / 23anna jr. said:
i wish i had smaller boobs.
and that i was a better cook.
although my cooking is good enough that i eat too much of it - thus contributing (by means of all over layer of padding) to the size of my aforementioned boobs.
sigh.
02.03.03 - 10:28 AM / 24Irk said:
Hey, if you got it flaunt it. Preferably, flaunt both at the same time.
And while we're talking David Sedaris, one of my faves is "The Rooster" in which the glory of the Fuck It Bucket is revealed. "Just say fuck it, motherfucker, and have a piece of candy."
02.03.03 - 10:32 AM / 25Kat said:
I'm not much of a cook, and my boobs are small (but nice and perky!) I guess that's why I hooked up with my girlfriend, she of the great rack and excellent cooking skills. It IS all about the boobs and the cooking.
02.03.03 - 10:38 AM / 26moonzi said:
i suppose i should just join the convent now, then.
02.03.03 - 10:55 AM / 27Meesha said:
Hmmmm....so that's why, after I slave over a hot stove to cook a delicious and nutritious dinner, my husband "thanks" me by rubbing my boobs.
It's really enhanced my understanding of his behavior to know that he's not the only one.
02.03.03 - 11:03 AM / 28Cody said:
That would be *three* things, right? Boobs and cooking?
02.03.03 - 11:20 AM / 29Tasha said:
You know what, that makes a lot of sense. Since my boobs are 30% larger due to Depo, and I keep cooking in the communal kitchen...oh GOD! That's why they've been hitting on me!
I think I'm gonna go buy some more kitchen items and a boobs on display shirt. Right now.
02.03.03 - 11:22 AM / 30