Six years old
Yesterday was the sixth birthday of this website, and the day before that was the fifth anniversary of the day that I got fired for this website. I usually celebrate these events by opening up comments to talk about something specific, and I've been thinking about what topic I should choose for a few months now. Typically the topic has something to do with work or the environment around work, but this year I wanted to make it a little bit broader. So I went back to my inbox to see if there were any specific questions that people were frequently asking me about this website, and a few things jumped out at me. One, the email from the guy who asked me if I would like for him to suck my toes. Apparently, he more than anyone else could show me what a good foot sucking feels like. Internet, if you ever needed a reason to start your own website, look no further. You, too, could have some strange man offering to gag himself on your big toe.
Two, I get asked a lot about whether or not I had any idea when I started this thing that it would one day pay my mortgage. I'll be honest here and say that I had no idea when I started this thing that it would last more than a month. I just didn't take it very seriously in the beginning, didn't think I needed to. Which is why there are all of those early entries that have no point whatsoever, entries that are very different than my writing today. Today my writing is very full of points and meaningful meaning. You just can't see that part because it is invisible.
But then month after month I continued to update it, started to write a lot more about the personal side of my life, and then bam, my boss found it, found the many instances that I had referred to her as a giant thorn in my side and that one sentence where I had given her the nickname Her Wretchedness. The thing is, I know that I owe a lot of my success to losing that job, which is why I don't regret anything. A lot of people ask me if I would ever go back and do anything differently, and I definitely wouldn't because I try not to live my life that way. Yes, I have done a lot of stupid things in my life, writing about my boss with those words being one of them, but I try not to dwell on the thought that I should have lived my life differently. I'm too busy trying to get the thought of my foot in someone else's mouth out of my head.
However, I do feel like I have been very wrong for not yet apologizing to that woman publicly, and do I ever owe her a huge apology. I know now that my frustrations had nothing to do with her personally, and that how I wrote about her was incredibly tacky. She had actually been a very gracious boss, had brought me into the company herself when she knew I was looking for a new job, had been an advocate of my design work to other executives in the company. What I wrote about her was just gross and clearly indicative that I had serious issues with myself. I do hope that she will one day forgive me and know that I could not be more sorry for hurting her.
Is there anything in my life that I wish I could go back and do differently? Yes. One thing. I wish had worn more sunscreen.
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FM Living
JennJenn said:
Yes...
Before therapy I would have said a resounding, NO! I didn't regret anything, I wouldn't change a thing.
But after, I would say yes.
People make mistakes and learn from them. It doesn't mean they HAD to occur, it just means they did and this is what I learned. I learned that some of those mistakes I could have lived without.
The thing I would have changed? I wouldn't have chosen to be a participant in ruining those relationships that I did. I would have chosen not to cause hurt to those people.
That and FORCED my parents to buy me a pony. Life is so much better with Ponies!
02.28.07 - 09:55 AM / 1AOtis said:
I wish that I had not worked quite so hard in college and allowed myself to have a little bit of fun. If only I'd known the words "cum laude" would be so small on my diploma, and that the only person who would care was me. That could have saved me so much sleep.
02.28.07 - 09:57 AM / 2AmyFrances said:
I wouldn't have dropped out of high school in the 10th grade. Seriously. I mean, turns out it wasn't that big of a deal, because I ended up graduating law school with honors, but imagine what could have been if I just would have sucked it up and stuck it out? Shiiiiiiit...I could be the next President!
Oh, and I wouldn't have believed that Turk when he said he wanted to marry me because he loved me, not for a green card. But whatever.
02.28.07 - 09:59 AM / 3jdkjd said:
I too have looked back and realized that even if what doesn't kill you doesn't necessarily make you stronger - it does make you who you are. And honestly I'm glad to have learned those lessons so that I can help my daughters and hopefully pass on those lessons.
02.28.07 - 09:59 AM / 4karahmarie said:
I wish I hadn't learned to be superstitious. Because mostly I think it's a load of claptrap and snake oil thinking, but I still can't shake it - just in case!
02.28.07 - 10:00 AM / 5AngelaVan said:
I wish I had found dooce six years ago!
No, really - well I do wish that, but that isn't the main thing I would have changed. If I could go back and change any one thing, I would have tried harder to see my mother before she died. Luckily I have come to a point in my life where I only regret not seeing her, instead of feeling sickeningly sad and disappointed in not seeing her. So glad life evolves and matures our point of view so that we can focus on the things that really matter.
02.28.07 - 10:02 AM / 6MostEvilTwin said:
I wish I'd stood up for myself more.
02.28.07 - 10:02 AM / 7kathrynaz said:
Being the fatalist that I am, I would have to say "No." I, and perhaps you too heather?, have found myself repeatedly renewing my subscription to the whole "everything happens for a reason" philosophy of living one's life. Its all just too complex to obsess over, with lots of delightful treasures that seem to pop out of the most shiteous of experiences.
That said, its all about the journey- and man- there are some rough lessons learned, aren't there?
So, I guess the only thing I would regret is all of the self doubt that really plagued me in my early twenties- the type of doubt that causes you to stay in unhealthy situations for way too long instead of taking the invariable risk to just make that big mistake...which may or may not be the best mistake you ever made!
Thanks Heather, and happy sixth!
02.28.07 - 10:03 AM / 8Diesel said:
I wish I would slept around more in college.
02.28.07 - 10:04 AM / 9katy66 said:
I would not have had that last glass of wine last night or the curly fries I wolfed down on the way to work.
02.28.07 - 10:04 AM / 10thisgirlremembers said:
Well, I suppose it's pretty petty in the grand scheme of things, but I REALLY wish I'd taken advantage of the amazing study abroad opportunities when I was in college. It will never be that easy again. I didn't go for several reasons that felt really important at the time but in retrospect were awfully stupid. Man, I could have been in Greece for six months. Instead I hung around campus like an idiot.
02.28.07 - 10:04 AM / 11Abra Cat said:
I wouldn't have gotten married so young (21). Maybe then it wouldn't have taken until my 30s to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life.
02.28.07 - 10:04 AM / 12divinemissk said:
honestly, i can't think of anything i regret. does that mean i haven't taken enough risks in my life? i don't know.
i do wish that i had chosen another college to attend, or transfered when i decided to change majors- but my relationship with my best friend was formed in the latter years of school, and i wouldn't give that for anything.
so no regrets- at least for now. i'm about to be a parent and i'm sure i'll regret half the decisions i make starting down this new path in life.
02.28.07 - 10:05 AM / 13Amy Mingo said:
I would go back to my high school newspaper days and instead of writing for the paper, I would become a photography. I am almost 40 and just figured out that, duh, photography is what I want to do for a living. I have received more recognition in the past 3 months for my photographs than ever before and I now know that I can make a living at this but is it too late?
02.28.07 - 10:05 AM / 14Jae said:
I wish I had listened more to myself than to others who I thought knew better. I grew to believe that they knew better than me what was best for me.
For example, I wish I had told people to go screw themselves when they pushed me to finish college when I wasn't ready. Now, I have a worthless degree and am in serious debt. I know they meant well but oh, how I wish I could go back and change that.
02.28.07 - 10:05 AM / 15Vaguely Urban said:
I'd have gotten a dog sooner. She may be rather demanding about walks and being fed, but she makes every day several levels happier than it would have been otherwise.
Happy Sixth Birthday, Dooce.com!
02.28.07 - 10:06 AM / 16Ms. Pants said:
I wish I'd learned to love myself as a child. I'm in my 30s now and it's much harder to learn stuff like that now. (If you've figured out the magic secret, please forward it along.)
02.28.07 - 10:07 AM / 17ihearttheastros said:
I wish I wouldn't have majored in Theatre in college.
02.28.07 - 10:07 AM / 18HalfwayCrucified said:
I shouldn't have made that left turn at Albuquerque. . .
02.28.07 - 10:08 AM / 19bob said:
I am sure that, with hindsight, there are a ton of things I should have done. But those decisions are the ones that led me to where I am today. While not everything in my life today is perfect, or even good, I have a wife that is the love of my life and two children I love and am proud of. None of which I would give up.
I guess the only thing I truly regret is the pain I have caused others. I would take that back in a heartbeat if given the chance.
02.28.07 - 10:09 AM / 20Jen S said:
I wish I hadn't spent so much time worrying about what other people thought about me. ALthough, I imagine most people spend a good chunk of their adolescence doing just that. I'm 35 now, and I've only in very recent years decided that it just isn't worth worrying about what someone else is thinking.
Happy web anniversary, Heather. You continue to inspire me on a daily basis!
02.28.07 - 10:11 AM / 21Smelly Liz said:
I regret sleeping around so much in college.
02.28.07 - 10:13 AM / 22cmvnapa said:
Used to think I regretted leaving one job 10 years ago. Had I not, I wouldn't be where I am right now, in an area where I've always wanted to live, where my spouse and I relocated less than 6 months ago - just up and quit our jobs and have found comparable, if not better, jobs.
No regrets, have lived more than half a century, looking forward to more.
02.28.07 - 10:14 AM / 23wendy said:
I wish I didn't have way too many pictures of me with giant 80's hair and cheap beer.
02.28.07 - 10:14 AM / 24eden said:
wow, 6 years! congratulations.
right on with the sunscreen. me, too. also: be more patient when my daughter behaves like a maniac.
02.28.07 - 10:15 AM / 25Antonia said:
Well, maybe I should have told Ian I loved him before marrying his best friend and then divorcing him for Ian. But that wedding was a hell of a great party, and everyone's still friends.
So I don't know. Maybe just the sunscreen thing. And taking better care of my teeth. And that time on the A19 when I tried to turn right too fast and wrote off my 1972 VW bus. Never try to do anything fast in one of those.
02.28.07 - 10:15 AM / 26egghead said:
If I could change anything (and there's still time, I know)...
During my teen years, I wish I wouldn't have been so hung up on caring about what others thought of me and my actions. Lived life as I wanted and not how I thought others wanted me to.
I would have traveled a hell of lot more if it weren't for the fear of something REALLY BAD happening to me if I left the 50 mile radius I grew up in.
Fear sucks.
02.28.07 - 10:16 AM / 27katliz said:
I'd have taken more risks. I've taken none of any significance in my life, lead the (supposedly) perscribed path. While I'm happy, I'm also unfulfilled and at 32 have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
02.28.07 - 10:16 AM / 28TheFeather said:
I wish I had known I would get cancer at 24--I wouldn't have worked so hard in college.
02.28.07 - 10:16 AM / 29PstLyfDiva said:
I wish I would have loved my red hair as a kid.
I wish I could have cut the apron strings earlier.
I wish I cared more about what I thought about doing something, than worrying what my mother would think.
02.28.07 - 10:18 AM / 30