Even more important than a pop tart
Thursday, March 2 2006
File Under:
Chuck, Daily
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A few days ago our occasional babysitter brought over her sister's miniature pinscher, Bronx, and without thinking I let them into the living room before running it by our resident Gremlin of the Underworld. When Chuck saw Bronx he performed the ritual sniffing of the sacred regions and then determined that Bronx was a chocolate treat clad in argyle wrapping.
Three times I had to prevent Chuck from eating Bronx before I realized that by letting Bronx into the house I had triggered Chuck's instinctual need to protect his territory. So I ordered everyone outside where the two dogs could meet on neutral ground, and once we were up the street on an indiscriminate stretch of sidewalk Chuck got Bronx halfway into his mouth before the argyle sweater got caught on his front teeth.
Chuck hasn't ever been a vocal dog, reserving his few barks for the taxidermist who lives next door and sometimes for a snowman across the street who he thinks is a strange man spying on the house. A few weeks ago the taxidermist's wife rolled out a stuffed ox? or a mountain goat? maybe a yak? into their front yard and parked it like a statue next to their porch. Thing liked to have scared the shit out of me, it looked so alive and capable of forming complex sentence structures. The evil part of me took over when I walked Chuck right up to it and just as his hackles went up I roared like a lion being violated by a taxidermist's arm. Our dog jumped three feet into the air without a running start, and now he won't pass that house without being carried.
I understand why he's angry at the resurrected livestock, but I couldn't figure out why after almost an hour of interaction he wanted to tear Bronx's limbs from his tiny chocolate body. At first I thought it might be the two gigantic balls hanging intact between Bronx's legs, or the way Bronx would rub those intact balls in a rhythmic motion against Chuck's face. And then I thought it was the way Bronx flitted about the living room in a distinctly cat-like fashion, often gliding across the two-inch beam on the back of the couch like a gymnast or a flamboyantly gay ice skater.
It wasn't until Leta came running into the living room that it all made sense, and it was then that we witnessed the embodiment of what we had hoped the relationship between the dog and the baby would one day become. Chuck immediately threw his body in front of Leta, and the more she tried to work her way around him, the more forcefully he used his body to shield her from the Chocolate Cat.
Bronx tried to contort his body in unimaginable ways to get at Leta -- kids are always covered in dried food and must seem like giant walking lollipops to dogs -- but Chuck growled and bared his teeth as a warning that he would sacrifice his own body before he would let his sister be defiled. We've never seen him be so protective of something, not even a rawhide bone or a slice of beef jerky. Leta should feel lucky because I can't think of a better compliment from a living creature.
- Currently listening to: Chromeo
Thursday, 31 July 2008 - Not necessarily a better liar, but at least she's getting creative
Tuesday, 29 July 2008 - Redder than red
Monday, 28 July 2008 - On this day many, many, many years ago
Friday, 25 July 2008 - Why our next dog will be a sea monkey
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
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1. eddeaux said:
OMW - you are still the Queen of funny...
"like a gymnast or a flamboyantly gay ice skater."
2. PaintingChef said:
And some people have the nerve to say that animals have no emotions...
3. eddeaux said:
Did you forget to turn off these comments? I am so giddy that comments are on that I have to leave one more.
4. Samara said:
I heart Chuck. If there was a dog president I think he would be a fine candidate.
5. hopefulloser said:
I'm jealous our cats don't respond this way. Although one of them did try to mount our daughter when she was in the crawling stage. He would also run around with her binky in his mouth. That's all quite dog-like.
6. Amy said:
Wow, you're keeping comments on?! Leta is lucky to have Chuck. I wonder if my ferocious cat will be protective of my new baby when it comes or try to eat it.
7. Wicked H said:
And that is why the Former Congressman ROCKS!!!
8. Nina said:
Leta is a lucky little girl. She just better not have any argyle covered boyfriends in the future. (but then if her boyfriends are argyle covered, perhaps it's okay if Chuck wants to eat them?)
9. WarmHeatherette said:
Nothing better than seeing your "first" baby grow protective of the "second" one. Chuck gets my vote for president.
10. Wayne said:
Adorable. Chuck is the best.
When I was a kid, our small cocker-spaniel/poodle mix would bare its teeth and growl whenever my father spanked us. Once he even got his teeth locked on the cuff of my father's jeans. I know it's not fashionable to assign animals emotions, but there was something there that went beyond instinct, it seemed.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading this.
11. dayslikethese said:
Hilarious! Chocolate Dog! I love the sweater. Chuck for president. The Chocolate Dog for best dressed. You've got my vote.
Chuck seems to be very protective and that's a good thing. I can recall a moment when Leta thought it would be a good idea to go down the steps and he protected her from tumbling down. He's a genius! I love it, love it, love it.
12. untitledlife.com said:
Dogs always do something sugary sweet and endearing like this right before they puke up gummy bears on your sofa. It's their way of keeping balance in the world.
13. Molicious said:
Wow, comments again huh? Cool!
That dog is just the cutest. But not as cute (or even precious) as Chuck.
14. Thérèse said:
That's adorable.
Oddly enough, my (enormous attack/guard) cat does that for my (jittery yet thank god not yappy chiwawa/terrier) dog.
15. verymerryseamstress said:
prac·tice dog (prak'tis dawg): a sweater-clad pseudo-canine-rat creature that indecisive people will adopt to ensure they can someday commit to owning a real Chuck-sized dog.
16. jes said:
When thinking of Chuck in this way, all that came to mind was:
"I need a herooooo - I'm holding out for a heeeroo til the end of the niiigheetttttt!
"He's gooootta be strong, and he's goooootta be fast and he's goootta be fresh from the fiiight...I neeeeed a heeeeerooooooo!"
And then I started thinking about Footloose, and how I haven't seen it since I was in middle school and watched it every day when I got home, and I think this song is playing when they're in that tractor chicken-fight, right?
And then I was imagining Chuck running down that road, playing Chicken with the Argyle Sweater. Er, Bronx.
And Chuck totally won. Argyle ended up floating down the river.
17. Joel Cheatwood said:
Love that! When our kids were small we had a Shetland Sheepdog (Sheltie)who was exactly that way. Whenever we raised our voices even a little towards the kids he would position himself between us and them, which was kind of annoying and wonderful all at the same time. When strangers would come to the house he would immediately locate the kids and stay in close proximity. I'm pretty sure that's why I became a dog person.
18. Kem White said:
I love the pictures of Bronx. But those ears! They're amazing. He's like the dog batboy would own.
K-
19. Erin said:
Oh how I loves me some animal stories.
20. monkey said:
Animals are great like that. They have this whole indifferent act till shit goes down, and then suddenly it's like "Aww...so ya DO care!" My cat is the same way. When we're watching him he acts as though my younger son doesn't even exist. But then we catch him sneaking in the boys' bedroom and keeping an eye on them, especially if one of them is sick. I just figured he has a "cool" act.
Kudos to giving Chuck a phobia of the house next door! LOL We used to do things like that all the time to our dogs. I feel horrible, but damn it was funny!
21. Devon said:
Chocolate treat in argoyle wrapping... hahhahaha. What a description! I've chuckled quietly to myself about this much of the morning.
22. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Just please, please, PLEASE don't let this teach Leta lessons about hatin' on argyle. Argyle is so misunderstood in our society. Just say "no" to argyle abuse.
And Chuck could totally use Bronx' legs as toothpicks when he gets done devouring him.
23. Kelly said:
OMG - I really shouldn't read this at work. Your writing cracks me up Heather!
24. christy said:
Just teach that dog to cook and you have free, instant babysitting for life.
25. jacks said:
I love stories about Chuck. They make me smile.
26. Jon Z. said:
Hmmmmm ... I used to be a military police k-9 handler; sounds to me like Chuck might have found a career path.
27. Tim in Flyover Country said:
You wouldn't see a cat trying to protect Leta like that would you? This is why dogs rock! Why can't more former congressmen be like Chuckles?
28. Janine said:
No way dude...you're leaving comments on??
I'm sorry to say: but Bronx is quite ratlike in appearance.
Nonetheless, my dog, the world's largest carnivourous baby, probably would have immediately gone through the ritual of smelling said ratlike pup and then running in terror from it. Normally, this entails him hiding behind me and then barking at other animals from the safety of behind my legs.
Yes, my dog would gladly sacrifice me to the ratlike creature to protect his own netherregions from being sniffed.
29. Sorenson said:
I grew up with big, hairy, protective dogs (Briards). As a trade for keeping us safe, they received a lot of love and exclusive use of our clothing as post-drink-of-water napkins. Good times.
30. Bird Lover said:
I also have a small dog (miniature weiner dog named Nelly). She does not have the protective instincts that Chuck has. It is all about her. Kayla who? The only time Nelly hangs out around Kayla is when she is eating, has eaten, or is thinking about eating.
If Kayla were in imminent danger Nelly would politely move out of harm's way. I can't really blame her for not being more aggressive. Her teeth are the size of baby corn so the most she could is give you a rash if she bit you.
31. Mrs Ca said:
Too cute. Although I'm not exactly a dog person I probably would have melted if I saw that.
32. Maniacal said:
HAHAHAHA Still on the floor laughing at the picture I have of you in my head roaring just as poor chuck got up to the stuffed ox? LOL Never seen a dog jump that high....but I'll admit I've done that to my cats on numerous occasions....*giggle* especially when the dust buster is involved....actually looks like they had a spring under them that just tosses them across the room.....funny every time!
33. minxlj said:
That's so cute that Chuck is so protective over Leta. Our family dog Mocksey (died a few years ago) was SO protective over my baby brother, he'd stand on his hind legs overlooking the cot, and if anyone he didn't like came near the baby, he'd chase them right out of the house! Endless source of amusement for me :-)
34. happykap said:
I love reading about Chuck. :-)
We had an Irish setter who was also very docile until my twin sister and I were born. He'd run in between our cribs constantly to make sure we were both okay and protected us from visiting dogs.
35. Princess Joanna said:
I think Chuck was offended by the sweater. Dogs in clothes....bah.
36. Katie said:
I love your Chuck stories and hope my pugs are as protective of our future children.
Your descriptions always crack me up.
37. pjmcb said:
We've accomplished pretty much the same thing by just having more and more kids. By the time our first girl came along, her three older brothers were first so enamoured, and then so protective, that she's protected from all sides, day and night. We like to joke that we'll never have to worry about her dating, since her brothers will run off any boys.
38. Sunni said:
Chuck was just being a good fashion policedog and felt he had to protect Miss Leta from that horrid sweater. She might have been blinded for goodness sake!
39. JustLinda said:
My little 4 pound toy poodle sleeps right outside my little girls' bedrooms and is ON GUARD all night.
Dogs are AWESOME. Cricket may not be much for actual protection, but she's great as a warning system. My girls play out in the yard only when that little fuzzy black warning system is out there with them.
Gawd, I love your comments being open. It's because of my tribute poem, right???? I made this happen? (and don't go telling me I have delusions of grandeur, I already know it.)
40. Tina said:
Our dog normally behaves as if our daughter is a toddler-sized tribulation, but whenever we go to my in-laws (who seem to be a pet refuge--so many dogs), our dog goes into protection-mode. She does exactly what Chuck does, minus the growls. Of course, none of those dogs are wearing pea-green argyle--that may be the difference.
41. JustLinda said:
Oh, and PS about the lollipop comment-- call it 5th kid syndrome or whatever, but I actually appreciate it when Cricket cleans off the baby's mouth after she finishes her meal! ha!)
42. Jessica said:
That is so sweet. Best. Dog. Evar.
43. wendy said:
If you wear a scary mask and leap out at Chuck in the dark, you may be able to recreate the bison scare. Better yet, he may learn to climb the side of your house. Um, not that I've tried that with my own dogs after a couple of beers just to see what would happen.
44. Ashley said:
So precious. And so incredibly reassuring.
45. marianna said:
You're so lucky you have Chuck, Heather. I have Mitzi, a female sausage dog who loves to hump the cat, also female. It may be unethical but it makes evenings with the two of them in the lounge far more amusing.
46. Donny said:
I have admired the way you turn normal, everyday stories into literary gemlets. I agree with the poster who said you're still the Queen of funny. My fiancee always looks at me funny in the mornings as I stare at my computer with a huge smile on my face, and then rolls her eyes at me when I begin laughing out loud. She knows I'm reading "Dooce" again. She'll understand once she's a parent (I have a son, but with an ex-wife).
What a heart warming story. Think my Beagles will ever protect my son like that? Nah, I doubt it.
47. Luv2Ballrm said:
That is so precious! Chuck the wonder-dog protector....you can add that to his resume! :-)
Thanks for sharing your life and pictures with us. I'm an avid reader of "Blurbdoocery"...you bring joy to my days.
48. Karen said:
Love it. I'm not a dog lover but I really think that Chuck could rehabilitate me.
49. jon deal said:
Dogs in clothes kind of freak me out. Especially on those "Yo quero Taco Bell" breed of pooches.
But that's really cool that Chuck has a "momma bear" instinct.
50. ProudMary said:
We have three dogs, the smallest and youngest of which has always been a total social freak, particularly around children. We were naturally concerned that she wouldn't get on well with our new baby, but she guarded his crib from the other dogs the first night we brought him home, which continues to this day. She adores him while the others couldn't care less. They really are amazing animals that never cease to amaze.
51. MontanaJen said:
*sigh*
I can't bring my dogs around other dogs because they're convinced that any other dog is trying to hurt ME. I shudder to think of what's going to happen with a kid.
I usually disagree with clothing on dogs - but in Mr. Bronx's case, I must applaud.
Happy little sweater dog, and his effeminate acrobatics.
52. kawaface said:
i don't understand how people can live without dogs. or at least a pet... but dogs are obviously way better than any other animal.
53. StaceyStae said:
Heather,
Thanks for all your great stories. I'm a first time commenter and I've never emailed you. I've been reading for a long time and you know we all love Chuck and Leta and the rest of the Armstrong clan. I have Chuck's calendar and absolutely adore it! Do you think he'd autograph it for me? :-)
54. Everqueer said:
I miss having a dog. My felines never do anything this presh.
55. The Bold Soul said:
Chuck rocks! There is nothing like having a dog around the house to make you feel loved and appreciated. And what an awesome display of bonding between Chuck and Leta.
When my niece was born, her family had a very hyper Golden Retriever and I used to worry the dog would accidentally trample the baby when she was too little to do more than lie on her tummy and lift her bald head off the floor. One day while the dog and Big Brother were rough-housing, I saw just how careful the dog actually was with the baby, when he was running through the house and skillfully hurtled over the infant without putting a scratch on her. He knew right where she was and he knew how not to hurt her. She, of course, thought it was hysterical and giggled that gleeful baby giggle.
56. victoria said:
That was extremely hilarious. I love the roar like a lion being violated by a taxidermist's arm.
And yet -- please don't boot me off forever -- the English teacher in me can't help saying, the relative clause here, "a snowman across the street whom he thinks is a strange man spying on the house," should have been written, "a snowman across the street WHO he thinks is a strange man spying on the house." ("Who is a strange man" is the relative clause, and "who" is its subject.)
CNN's website publishes sentences like this, "The suspect, whom police say was found carrying a knife, is in custody," all the time. It should be "who police say was found carrying a knife."
Then I have to write CNN long emails about it, because I know correcting people's grammar always makes me so popular.
57. ieatcrayonz said:
I saw those pictures of the little chocolate ankle nipper on flickr and thought those ears look at awful lot like pig ears.
You sure Chuck wasn't just hungry for a rawhide?
58. MommyofOne said:
Thank you for the wonderful way you tell stories about your life. Love you, love your website.
59. Rebecca Jacob said:
I love, love, love your site. It makes me laugh everyday!
60. jolie said:
I spent two hours this morning researching the dog I am about to get - and now he can't come soon enough because all I want to do is devise hilarious and innovative forms of dog mindfuckery.
oh, heather, you're such an inspiration.
61. Donny said:
Did you get a picture of Chuck protecting Leta for the next calendar? I love the first one.
62. Devon Adams said:
My dog Dante adores my daughter. She’s 11 months and crawls like Mario Andretti across the floor to get to the dog. The attack each other and he proceeds to lick her from head to foot before shoving his doggie tongue in her mouth around muffled giggles. It’s like doggie Niagara when the two of them get together.
Can Dante by vice president?
63. Michelle_B said:
Oh, snap! Comments are open! This post had me laughing out loud. Your posts often have that effect.
64. ladymadaysia said:
Oh my goodness, that is ultra sweet of Chuck.
Leta must be one lucky girl that Chuck loves her so much.
65. moobug said:
How precious. Looks like Leta's got herself a body guard.
66. moobug said:
Looks like Leta's got herself a body guard.
67. mm said:
You always make me laugh out loud! You make me miss having a dog...
I love your site and read it everyday.
68. jenlovely said:
when i was growing up we had an old english sheepdog that came before i did, so everyone told my parents to get rid of him before i was born. since he was a large dog they were all worried that out of jealousy he would attack me. that dog was my bestfriend growing up. i would dress him up, run into him with my walker, hit him, smack him, steal his food, basic small child torture to a pet, and he loved me with everything in him. my mom and aunt would go to scold me and smack my hand for things i'd do to him, and he'd show his teeth at them and chase them out of the house. my dad was a cop, his cop friends would show up at the house, and go to pick me up. since the dog didn't know them well, he bit them. 3 to be precise. i miss him at times.
emma, my daughter, has 3 cats to chase around the house. sometimes i feel guilty that she doesn't have a dog to protect her the way i did. i think that's going to be her 5th birthday present. a puppy of her own.
i'm glad leta has the kind of friendship that all children should experience. it makes you a better person in the end.
69. mm said:
You always make me laugh out loud! You make me miss having a dog...
I love your site and read it everyday.
I love having comments on :)
70. Jenny said:
Haha, bless Chuck. I can just imagine it all now. :P
71. Flatman said:
johnny weir?
72. the other amy said:
Too, too funny. "...a flamboyantly gay ice skater." actually, Bronx does strikingly resemble that Jonny Weir American Olympic ice skater guy. Coincidence? Probably, but funny nonetheless.
Heather, thank you for making me laugh each and every day.
73. RzDrms said:
i totally read the line "Thing liked to have scared the shit out of me" with your cute southern accent...made me laugh out loud. :)
74. MissKitty said:
Chuck is adorable! We used to have the Chuckacabra desktop on our home Mac for the longest time.. Our terrier, Chunk, alternately loves and hates our daughter, G. He won't lower himself to play with her or allow her to pet him, but he will threaten to gnaw the extremities off any strangers that get within arm's reach of her. Not quite as cute as Chuck's protective instincts.
75. Amy Mingo said:
Chuck is impressive with his protective instincts. Do you think he would have been just as protective had it just been you in the house?
76. erin said:
Your writing, as always, conveys the image *perfectly*.
77. Beachgal said:
Wow. Lucky Leta. And at least it's good you figured out what was bothering Chuck. We kind of have the opposite problem with our dogs, I think they plot the demise of our son. At least the one does. My son just wants to play with him, yet she just gets all pissy if he comes by sometimes. She's about to get shipped out the door, cause we're afraid she's gonna bite him. Anyway. Lucky Chuck to have Leta to protect and lucky Leta to have such a great protector!
78. Samantha said:
Oh my God. The visuals! "I roared like a lion being violated by a taxidermist’s arm." Hilarious! Thanks for the Chuckle (pun intended).
79. delaney said:
My grandparents used to have dogs that would protect us that way - it was always so unexpected. You're right though, it also always seems like a really big compliment!
80. stephanie said:
...then determined that Bronx was a chocolate treat clad in argyle wrapping.
hilarious, made my day. i have a 7 month old black pug named moxie, and i've never seen a dog so unnecessarily TERRIFIED of umbrellas. we love chuck, and we're glad he loves leta. after all, someone has to protect the cutest of all treats.
81. jsides23 said:
Please never put Chuck in a sweater like that! He is way too dignified to be humiliated in such degrading fashion. Thanks for the funny story! I am glad I am not the only one who has a dog that does strange things. Yesterday I found myself cleaning off the porch where our dog had covertly figured out a way to get into the diaper pail we had put outside to air out. He had then proceeded to tear into the filthy diapers and eat the contents. I know...foul, foul animal. We really should have just gotten a goldfish.
82. LeafGirl77 said:
I love the visual of Chuck freaking out at the 'spying snowman' across the street.
Go Chuck Go! Protect your family!
83. Jacey said:
My golden retriever is the biggest traitor amongst traitors. I could be raped/tarred n feathered/burned at the stake and she'd happily run away with the guilty party. She uses me for comic relief and doggie treats. Chuck is a powerful good dog for Leta.
84. Max Roeleveld said:
Oh yes, dogs are like that. Ours decided that the doctor that came to examine our son Michael was _not_ to be allowed anywhere near him. Michael was 4 days old then...
By the way, I think Bronx is the kickest assest name for a dog like that.
85. Kath :-) said:
Yay Chuckles!
Worth your weight in pop tarts! Or pasta.
86. Jenie said:
Awww. I heart Chuck.
I also heart Dooce for having comments again. Sorry though that I'll be stuck here at work hitting refresh again and again just like old times. ;o)
87. Toyfoto said:
I would KILL to live next to a taxidermist. Not really.
88. Tiggerlane said:
OMG...my employees think I've gone mad(der)...as I sit at my computer, laughing hysterically, tears streaming down my face. The description of your evil torment of Chuck with the taxidermist's latest trophy was CLASSIC!
And my dog barks at local snowmen. Fierce.
I'm so proud of Chuck for finally showing his true love for Leta! All that aloof basement-dwelling is just a cover.
89. Kazzer said:
I got so excited about the prospect of leaving a message that by the time I had registered and then signed back in....I forgot what I was going to say.
Oh well, at least I am ready for next time.
Your site is a daily recommendation.....a bit like vitamins!
90. Karin said:
Your post made me tear up. Our puppy was 3 months old and our daughter about 14 months old and we were taking some photos with the Valentine Lion from Hallmark that makes a purring or roaring or whatever the heck it's supposed to be sound. This puppy who had barely lived in our house a month put herself between our daughter and that lion and growled and barked and was totally ready to rip ti to shreds and I'll tell you what, it made my heart swell. Those two love each other and I know the puppy will protect her!
91. dr.amanda. said:
i don't know which i love more. the humor you find everyday in life or the amazing pictures you take. today's is so serene and beautiful. love it.
92. bridgermama said:
Who knew an argyle sweater could be so useful? I love the fact that Chuck is so protective! I can only hope that our mutt will turn out the same. Right now she has just gotten to the point where she actually acknowledges the fact that we did,indeed, bring a baby home (6 months ago!). I sense we may have a future little-dude-protector.
93. reluctant housewife said:
Today's Daily Picture is great. It reminds me of a Madonna and Child. Great job, Jon!
94. Kristine said:
fantastic!
Now I get to go check out 88 new websites. I love it when the comments are open. It's like the red carpet of blogs and I love finding new ones to add to my list.
Not that I can read all the ones I already have, but here's to trying!
and I wish you watched American Idol...it would be hysterical to hear what you have to say about the singers.
95. Michelle said:
I know you are so proud of Chuck. When your pet becomes even more human than you thought he was is just a Great moment.
96. thatedeguy said:
I would be slightly worried that when Leta becomes older and has friends over that chuck doesn't try and defend her from her friend.
We have a dog that has shown signs of aggression towards children and are seriously contemplating having him put to sleep when our baby arrives in June.
Chuck does seem to be a much better behaved animal though.
P.S. I love that you've allowed comments again.
97. Carley said:
I didn't think it was possible to have a dog cuter than Chuck, but this tiny Chocolate Cat is giving him a run for his money!
98. bluestar said:
Ooh, I'm jealous. Our dog Coco (a chow-chow which yeah, agressive, I know) is SO great with older kids and people. He's HORRIFYING with other dogs, no matter what the situation. Just awful, will fight and fight to no end. Our friends have a little girl about Leta's age (a little younger) and for some reason Coco can't deal. He just wants to be as far from her as possible whenever they're over. Of course she wants to be as close to him as possible, so that doesn't work out.
I wonder what coco will be like once we have our own kid, I worry about it a little bit, though I think in general he'll just completely ignore the kid. Who knows. Thanks for keeping comments open!
99. minda25 said:
I love Chuck. The spaghetti noodles, the sulking in the basement, the odd relationship he has with Leta... you're lucky to have such a wonderful dog, and he's lucky to have such a loving family.
100. zhanae said:
Does Leta still call chuck elmo-puppy?
Comments are awesome.
101. christine. said:
Chuck is completely chivalrous toward his little girl. Cute. My dog, on the other hand, likes to pee on all trees. Different strokes for different dogfolks I guess.
102. Keita Rae said:
After 100 posts, it takes a newbie to out Chuck on his selfish motives. Small girl sees stuffed-animal sized dog, complete with Build-a-Bear sweater. Sized for hugging. Chuck was protecting his place as the only-furry-thing-to-be hugged in the house. That is, unless Jon has a hair problem.
I'm a huge fan of dooce.com. Inspired me to have my own blog. Thanks for the wonderful time you give me everyday, Heather!
103. Be Still said:
OK, the question that I have is where's the picture of the stuffed ox/mountain goat/yak parked on the neighbor's suburban lawn?
104. Madonnalisa Chan said:
I've often wondered about getting a dog before we have kids just for that reason. I heard that while you are pregnant even the dog "knows" to watch over you as well. The only problem is allergies!
105. Doll said:
I'm curious what Leta's reaction was to the ferociously protective Chuck. Can either you or John draw? Because "Chuck and Leta" would make a wonderful comic strip.
106. paisleysea said:
Are you sure that Chuck wasn't just laying claim to the "walking lollipop" that would soon grow into an even bigger, tastier morsel? I'm just saying.
107. womanrat said:
Heather, I just have to say this because its totally distracting me from the fabulous liondog and his cub story... how come you haven't changed your header/ masthead thing yet? I've been waiting to see what March looks like!
108. DDM said:
Our dog had a one day turn-around like that as well, with our son. We almost took her to the pound a couple of Christmases ago, because while laying on the floor at my husbands' feet, she growled when our son tried to climb up in his lap. She spent a LONG time outside in the snow at this cabin for that offense. The following Spring, we went for a walk with her, and the boy in his jogging stroller. A nice neighbor came outside to talk to us, and Kaya put all 130 pounds of herself between the neighbor and our son. Which meant she had to stand over him, straddling the front tire of the jogging stroller. When the neighbor tried to reach out and touch our son, she licked her hand so fast, it looked like an epileptic episode. She still only listens to my husband, and pretends to ignore the boy and I. But when put in close contact with other people, she shows that she really does love us and wants to protect us. Sometimes in the form of barking all night at leaves falling from trees......
109. brandy said:
My mom had a Newfoundland dog when she was growing and everytime her and her brothers and sisters would go swimming in the ocean you could not splash around because the dog would jump in and rescue you.
My dog protects me from snowmen a lot and the occasional teenagers making out on the playground equipment at the park. Teenagers making out are her biggest enemies.
I pity the fool that comes between Chuck and Leta with ill intentions.
110. Trish D said:
Thanks Heather for this incredible site! It brings a lot of joy to my work day. I have to forbid myself from reading dooce.com at work because I can't control the laughter, and also because I should be working instead of reading blogs. It's just too tempting...
111. Robin said:
You don't think Chuck's dissention had anything at all to do with the argyle sweater that Bronx was wearing, do you? I think he wants that sweater! Perhaps he was actually protecting Bronx, for fear that Leta might steal the sweater and run away with it.
112. jamie said:
thatedeguy - I hope you are reading comments after making your comment about putting your dog to sleep because you have a baby on the way. Speaking from experience, just because your dog has showed aggressive behavior towards children in the past does not mean he/she will do it with your own child.
Instead of putting your dog down, please consider turing her over to the local animal shelter than can place her in a loving home. I am a volunteer at our local SPCA and see dogs adopted into new loving homes all the time.
113. Pupsicle said:
I love dogs. Even little chocolate rat dogs wrapped in argyle. Chuck's the greatest, and Leta's lucky to have such a good friend to grow up with.
114. amandagibson said:
How sweet! Chuck was trying to protect Leta from the argyle monster! We have a mini schnauzer and he tries to protect me from everything. It's very entertaining - he freaks out when my husband gives me a hug or anything (mostly we just ignore him). The best part about it is that I can walk up to my husband and smack him upside the head and the dog still freaks out on him. Love it. It's like double the torture for my poor husband. Don't worry - there's no spousal abuse in my house - sometimes I just have to check to make sure all that stuff in Jeff's head is still in there rattling around!
115. Raughy said:
"MMMMMM.....Chocolate Cat in a Dog Suit.....yummmmmmm."--Chuck
116. Shannon Kopp said:
Small tootsie roll dogs + Argyle = Wrong.
Hold aside a toothpick for Chuck next time and stand back. Kidding. Maybe, they can learn to love eachother.
Heather, thanks for making me laugh every day. I finally made the foray into the blog world because of you. Forgive me.
117. Bretley said:
Awesome. Stories involving Chuck and Leta interacting are my favorite. "Night Night Elmo-Puppy!" Second are stories including the words "intact balls".
118. CallistaWolf said:
First off: AWW. I'm glad that even though he doesn't show it often, that he loves Leta as he should. :)
Secondly? Laughed my ASS off. OMG. Particularly the part where you freaked him out at the taxidermist's house. SO sounds like something I'd do to my dog.
119. jennifer_starfall said:
i love chuck.
and now i want a chocolate cat wrapped in argyle...
120. ceece said:
The protective way our dogs are about us and the baby, is really the only thing that is keeping them here.
Everytime they chew up the garbage or get on my furniture and I think they have no soul, they get all protective and lovey.
They must know when they are pushing the luck.
121. Curlysue said:
Pets, you got to love them. I took my cockapoo in yesterday to be groomed and he ended up coming out looking like he weighed 3 lbs instead of the normal 10.5! Poor guy almost needed a sweater but I refuse to put one of those on my dog. I was already mean and took away his giant sized balls he had for such a small dog. lol
122. Annie said:
Yeah... that taxidermy story sounds really funny until you're walking past a stuffed moose and your husband makes a noise that sounds like an elephant pooping out a Buick. You, in turn, scream like a small child and shriek out, "OHMYGOD IT'S NOT DEAD."
Then it's just funny to other people, and you bury it deep in your subconsious while pretending it never happened. Until you post it on the world's most famous blog, that is.
123. Jenie said:
I forgot a funny story (ok well..funny now) about a dog my grandma used to have. The dog and my sister were very close and used to play very roughly with each other, in other words, that dog would let my sister do anything to her.
One day when my sister was about 4(?), she did something and my grandma put her over her knee to spank her. My sister was crying and screaming, and you know what that dog did? Bit my grandma. After that, whenever my sister was in trouble, the dog got put into another room. They stayed close until the dog died when my sister was 17.
124. Trish D said:
My daughter, Roxy, chews on teething biscuits made with maple so she smells like a little maple lollipop all day long. That's great that Chuck protects Leta. Every girl needs a big brother like that!
125. Jennifer in Kansas City said:
I 'bout wet my pants that comments were still on!
Woohoo for Argyle! But triple woo-hoo for Chuck and his Homeland Security Systems. You never know when terror will stroll through in the guise of a wily min-pin......
126. Baraka said:
"Kids are always covered in dried food and must seem like giant walking lollipops to dogs"
Brilliant.
127. Claire said:
You guys have a great dog! Although I do think that he looks like a sock puppet in some of his pictures.
I had to tell you about the SECOND best dog in the world Coco(see, I am hoping that you will read my comment by sucking up to your dog). She was a chow-husky mix and just beautiful. We got her just before my 9th birthday. She slept in my bed almost every night until I went to college. Coco did not liked to be held, but the day I left for college she stood still and let me hug her for 10 minutes. It was like she knew. My sophomore year, my mother called. Half-way through the normal conversation, she blurts out, "Your dad has something to tell you."
My step-father got on the phone and told me that Coco had passed away. It took him 5 minutes to convince me that he was not kidding. I was devistated. I still miss Coco to this day.
I am married to a wonderful man now, but he doesn't want a dog. This is a small problem, but one I am afraid could become a big one.
I hope that Leta knows how special "Elmo dog" is. Every little girl deserves such a friend.
128. William said:
With Easter right around the corner, a chocolate cat in argyle would make a nice addition to Chuck's basket.
129. Pepius said:
I'm not a dog person, but from this moment I declare myself a fan of Chuck!!
Besides I'm glad you're feeling well enough to leave comments open. I hope the Internet gives you at least a little part of the love you give us.
130. The Pink Bride said:
When my parents were engaged, my dad's mother had a little rodent, er, miniature pinscher. He was Satan in a five-pound package and the only way you could pick him up was if he was dangling from your arm by his teeth. Any attempt to clothe him (in argyle or otherwise) would have resulted in a blood transfusion.
From the time I was ten until I was twenty-six, I had a sibling in the form of a Soft-Coated Wheaten terrier. In sixteen and a half years he never growled at anyone until the day my cousins and I built a snowman in the yard. We have pictures of him trying to destroy it. That was his moment of glory and we let him think he was saving us from monsters, as he normally would jump the meter reader and the UPS man and start licking their faces. When he died, the whole in our lives seemed as big as the Sahara.
Glad to see that Chuck was safe after his little escapade while you were away. Give him a pat from a woman who still misses her furry brother very much.
All the best.
131. ferlr said:
How cute! Chuck looks very similar to my Stella, however, she is such a pansy and won't protect her own treats, much less the kids. Oh well.
But here is a funny/mean trick that will allow you to watch Chuck jump sky high...compressed air. Take the can of compressed air that you clean your keyboard gunk out with and when Chuck is good and asleep spray near (not too close, thats just plain hateful!) his bottom system. LORD that is the funniest thing. Stella is now afraid of all cylander shaped objects
132. Hannah B. said:
I laughed until I cried--and that's a good thing. Too rare, lately, so thanks for the lift. I think my cat would recognize that evil side, as I have one of my own. Never had such good material as a stuffed yak with which to work, though.
133. Irina said:
If I were Chuck I would try to eat Bronx too...but mostly because of his ears. Can he fly with those?
134. the kim half of glamorouse said:
OK, comments on. Twice in one week. It is sort of making my heart race. Giddy like you get when you receive the first pay check and it dawns on you that "it's mine, all mine!" (even if it was for like, $49 or something).
I don't even have anything to say. It's just one of your rockin' tales from the burbs. But here I am typing. Smiling like a loon. Ludicrous really.
135. Torence said:
My Dog did something similar to one of my Ex-Boyfriends. He came over, this was a few years after we broke up, and we were sitting and talking. Chyenne (my Dog) was being "Tolerant" Of him. Letting him pat her head but not her tummy. She was looking at him weird and not wagging her tail. She has NEVER done this, she loves people and will do anything to make them love her, but not him. A few minutes passed and he started to stand up, it was then that Chy jumped into my lap, beared her teeth and began growling at him. Shes not a small dog either, shes a border collie. I had to make him leave, there was just no other option. I could have put her outside, but I love her =D. She loves my now boyfriend, he knows how to throw tennis balls.
136. HoneyBee said:
Heather,
Your post reminded me of a Deep Thought by Jack Handy:
"I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas."
137. Torence said:
P.S.
My dog is afraid of Stationary Roller blades...
Im still not sure why o_O
138. MissusB said:
Sigh....Chuck is the shit.
139. Renae said:
Dogs are awesome creatures. When I was a baby our dog would sleep under my crib, when I would wake up in the middle of the night Spook would run in to my parents’ room to get them. If I started to cry he would grab the corner of their comforter and pull it off the bed. Then when I learned to walk he would trot just ahead of me, close enough so that I could grab on to him if I started to fall.
My current dog is rather hyper, and quite large, but he is absolutely amazing with kids, so gentle and so protective, it's adorable.
140. Meepers said:
I'm so happy you've opened comments up again! I think Bronx it might be more of a Fig Newton than a Pop Tart. Chuck has come a long way from having his feet Windex'd to "Don't let It Touch Me" to "My Personal Human Lollipop that I Must Protect." My sister and I are perpetually calling each other and saying, "Did you read Dooce today? Did you see Chuck/Heather/Jon/'s _______'s? SO CUTE!" Happy five years and thank you for inspiring so many people. By the way, next time you're in Santa Barbara to see Radiohead (my husband and I were there both of those nights- do you remember their cover of "Cinnamon Girl"?) shoot me an email - I'd be happy to send you a few tips of Things to Do and See... SB isn't as
as it may appear at first glance.
141. katem9579 said:
Wow. I have also experianced this between by 24 month old and her bullie brother. But he is a bit more terrifying at 70 lbs. I have seen him change drastically since she came in our lives. I dont think we hd ever heard him bark before she came and now any little tink he thinks that someone is coming in the house to kill his precious sister. They really are protective. I think to them they also see them as their kids since they have watched them evolve since birth. Hopefully, Chuck doesnt get territorial over other people/ friends coming into the home. They can take it a little far sometimes.
142. jes said:
Question: Does having a dog mean that you get more exercise? You know, because you have to run after it and take it outside and search for it up and down the street when it escapes?
Because I've been thinking of getting a dog, but this is really my only reason.
143. barbie2be said:
oh. my. GOD! i am so glad that i was only drinking water when i read this post. :)
144. Alexis Gallisa said:
Chuck was simply trying to end that poor dogs misery of having to wear a sweater. Not only is boxer a little dog, but he is a little dog in a pretty sweater. Talk about feeding the little dog complex.
145. Carrie said:
"Leta should feel lucky because I can’t think of a better compliment from a living creature."
Amen, Heather. I love Chuck so much! I already can't wait for year 2 of the calendar. I feel like this story is a bonus with tomorrow being Chuck Friday!
146. jennIam said:
you just make me laugh and laugh and laugh at the randomness (and the not so random Leta).
147. YankeeAmanda said:
This gives me hope that my 90 pound chocolate lab Hershey will eventually see my 5 month old daughter as more than a provider of pacifier chew toys and will come to be her protector. All I can do at this point is hope for the best!
148. jmouse said:
Bronx is gay. Bronx is a fog.
149. rch7279 said:
That is so wonderful! I have to ask, just in case you know - where is that little min pin sweater from? I have one (a min pin) and although I generally don't care for dogs dressed like people he gets so cold all the time that he really needs sweaters, but he is so so small that I can't ever find any that fit him correctly. They are always to long and get peed on very quickly.
150. cyndy said:
You crack me up...I only hope our dog ends up having half as good a relationship with his sister as Chuck and Leta seem to have!
151. KidKate said:
When we first got our beagle, she became immediately attached to my husband. So much so that a few days after we got her, we were all sitting on the bed (me, husband, beagle, and Simon The Wonder Dog) goofing around when I playfully hit my husband on the leg. At which point, the beagle came flying across the bed and bit my hand. Their relationship was sealed--in the 3 years that we've had her, she's bitten me (albeit always gently) about a dozen times and never laid a paw on him.
152. Stepha1202 said:
Isn't it so sweet when the furry members of the family care about the sticky finger members? The first time my mom babysat our son Hugo at our house all 4 of our cats, normally hermitical, surrounded her and watched her every move!
Lucky Leta!
153. Kate said:
"...the more forcefully he used his body to shield her from the Chocolate Cat."
Hah! Classic Heather. Classic.
154. keagansmom said:
OMG, I almost peed myself! you're a friggin riot!
155. rivetergirl said:
Plus Chuck knew he could totally take that dog in one bite!
156. Mab said:
Too adorable. When a family member is threatened, no matter how much the family fights from within, they turn against the common enemy together.
Turns out it works with dogs, too.
Off topic - so hey, is Britney STILL to be left alone? You're really sure? I'm really just curious.
157. Katie said:
Aw, just like any good big brother! Especially any big brother that can bare his crazy scary animal teeth.
Mmm... little chocolate dog...
158. nancy robbins said:
Chuck is the man and Leta is the Queen and they will live Happily Ever After.
159. laurie said:
aww, chuck is so cute! He just wanted a lil taste! hahaha.
160. Elizabeth M. Johnson said:
What a cutie.
161. Strizz said:
That dog is way cute, but I have to hate him for having better clothes than me (unless they have that sweater at Walmart...then we can be cool).
I have a black lab and every time I want to kick her nasty diaper eating, I told you to go lay down 5 seconds ago ass to the curb she lets my baby try to rip her ears off and then ride her like a pony. Of course the baby will ask for a second hot dog just for the dog. Cahoots I tell ya.
162. Erin said:
P.S. I would so eat that dog.
163. becky said:
my husband's family had a german shepherd that would keep the boys out of the road. they'd run towards the road, she'd grab one of them by the diaper and drag him back. then she'd go get the other one and drag him back. in the meantime, the first one took off again. they thought it was a great game. poor gretchen was just plain tired! but she loved them fiercely and would protect them from harm at any cost.
164. wooblyhedgehog said:
Maybe soon it'll be like those "Good Dog Carl" books! (I'd make that a link to this http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/03_11_2005.html post, but I don't think links are allowed, so just cut and paste, y'all). Except you won't have to make up any words...you can just leave Leta alone with Chuck!
"We have to go shopping. Take good care of Leta,Chuck."
Just imagine the possibilities!
165. wooblyhedgehog said:
Maybe soon it'll be like those "Good Dog Carl" books! (Here! Like this http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/03_11_2005.html post!) Except you won't have to make up any words...you can just leave Leta alone with Chuck!
"We have to go shopping. Take good care of Leta,Chuck."
Just imagine the possibilities! (Yes, just imagine them...but god forbid don't write about, lest you unleash The Wrath of the Interweb.)
166. RzDrms said:
dangit, erin! i so totally was logging back on here to write (and i swear), something like, "p.s. i totally wanna eat that dog myself" or something equally funny and cute, but you totally out-cuted me, so you win. you eat the dog. the dog is yours. eat him. i was gunna, but now he's gone. all eaten up.
167. p miller said:
i can understand what Chuck was thinking. I also felt like i wanted to eat that dog.
168. cate said:
Comments??
Shitballs.
After all the times I wanted to leave comments, and tell you how much I worshipped you and your perfectly insanely hilariously sane observations, now I be dumbstruck.
LYLF!
169. Snickrsnack Katie said:
I knew that Chuck always had it in him to protect his sister. While dogs always are hesitant at first when there is a new addition to the family, they almost always come around and become extremely protective of said addition. My dog growing up was one such dog. Granted, I was born before her addition to our family, but I was two years old. Granted, she teased the hell out of me and was known to pull my diaper off and run around the house with it between her sharp fangs while I stood there screaming at her. But whenever a stranger would approach me, she would bare her fangs and drool as if rabid. And she was the best friend I ever had. I am sure Leta will grow up loving Chuck this same way!
BTW, next time, get a picture of Chuck with the little dog in his mouth! :-)
170. Heather said:
So glad to see that Chuck has finally come around to seeing Leta as something more than a source of table scraps!! Yeah for puppy love!!
171. oO_Bubblez_Oo said:
That's so sweet! Leta is HIS big pink treat, and he's not sharing.
Also, id say he was probably a bit freaked out that you were going to make him wear one of those sweaters!
172. RzDrms said:
p.(p?)s. i have a cat. she likes blue birds. no testing on her please. that is all.
173. Candace Cobb said:
I'm guessing comments will be off tomorrow, but can't help but indulge myself in leaving something totally inane anyway.
174. RzDrms said:
p.p.p.s. i think she missed us. (i know we missed her!!!) :)