Only in Utah
There's a disturbing new fashion trend among teenage girls in Utah of wearing fuzzy house slippers in public. Perhaps its not singluar to Utah, and maybe I wasn't paying attention when I lived in Los Angeles, but it's hard to go a day here without seeing a seemingly rational 16-yr old girl walking around in gigantic, dander-producing slippers fashioned in the likeness of rodents.
I'm not terribly surprised about this, primarily because I've been conditioned over several years to expect the worst from people in Utah when it comes to fashion. Now, you have to realize that everyone in Utah is blonde and blue-eyed and, if transported to another state, might be wildly beautiful. But when these Aryan specimens are gathered into one gigantic pigment-less mass it's the scariest thing you've ever seen.
The typical Utah outfit consists of a starchy white shirt, a pair of pleated khaki pants that hit the leg just above the ankle, a brown belt and brown shoes. I know this doesn't sound too bad, but even when they mix it up a little bit with a skirt or a sweater they're still wearing the brown belt and brown shoes. I recently saw a woman dressed entirely in black, with a black silk shirt and black stretchy pants, and she still had on her brown belt and brown shoes. Last time I checked Johnny Cash was not the new Jennifer Lopez.
The next thing you'll notice about people in Utah, as you glance upward from the brown belt and brown shoes, is the attention to detail they give to the back of their heads. It's as if the whole state has been told that they can't possibly go out with the back of their heads looking like that, and so they go back and spend ten more minutes with their backsides to the mirror creating what I like to call The Conflagration! It's a miniature replica, in follicle form, of the ferocious fire that will swallow the earth at the second coming of Jesus Christ. It's as if people are bearing testimony with their hair that God lives and is angry.
Now we've got the whole frightful furry slipper phenomenon, and I have to admit that I welcome the break from the brown shoes. But I wonder where it will go from here, you know? We can only hope they don't follow my Aunt Lola's lead and dress entirely in leopard-print negligee.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
1. jennn said:
This post screams for digital photo accompaniment. I just cannot imagine.
2. Grace said:
Are you saying that you prefer to wear white Addidas instead of puffy rats on your feet? What's your problem, anyhow?
3. Danika said:
They actually wear the furry slippers out??!! Yikes that is scary!
4. Yahmdallah said:
Are you sure you didn't just fall asleep during an episode of "Sponge Bob Squarepants" and dream all of this?
5. pinky said:
I think I'd sort of like it if the state of Utah went all leopard all the time.
6. Erika said:
Well, I don't want to offend anyone but here in Los Angeles depending on the area ..the how do you say ... people with the least money are generally seen outside in robes and/or curlers in addition to their worn out slippers. Think "Friday".
On another note, girl after living here how the heck are dealing with the move back to Utah. I have family in the suburbs of Seattle and I absolutely am giddy with delight when the plane touches down into Burbank.
7. Leslie said:
Every college town I've been to has had girls and fuzzy slippers. I was hoping it was just out of laziness and not fashion. Sigh.
8. eve said:
well... when i lived in sf, i used to wear my fuzzy slippers to work and i'd go run errands (walgreens on the corner, store to pick up some milk) in them... then again, i never did see anyone else do it in sf, so maybe i'm just a freak.
9. Morgan said:
I once had a business trip that brought me to LA and Salt Lake in two days. The one thing I noticed was that both places seemed to have exactly the same women, only the Salt Lake girls seemed to be a.) born that way and b.) completely unaware of their potential.
If the Utahans (Utahers? Utites? Utorum?) ever collectively moved to LA, the plastic surgery industry would go out of business.
10. Xanthan said:
Oh, I'm with Jennn - please post some images!
And while I'm begging, Dooce could you please post galleries of your wonderful photos? You've got such a great eye for composition and we love looking at the former Congressman... please?
11. Broch said:
Please tell me that Black leather jackets have at least gone out of vogue during colder weather! I seem to have found a city that is full of them. 1998 ended a long time ago, being land-locked sucks.
12. dooce said:
Xanthan: if you take a look at the top right of the page you'll see a site navigation area featuring a link to "photos." i may be wrong, but i think that's what you're looking for.
13. lordgoon said:
Cool. I wear my carpet slippers outside all the time - always figured it was just because I'm sort've a slob. The line between slobbery and hipness continues to waver, and I'll be there for the final collapse.
How's the new Betties album? Still waiting for mine to arrive.
14. chris said:
my wife had a pair of (indoors-only) frog slippers that were retired and given to the dog. he's since made them his own by de-stuffing them and tearing the heads off.
sounds like i better not take him for a walk at a mall in salt lake...
15. PJ said:
I've seen that hair thing going on here in Illinois too, usually on Country-Club Blondes (you know the color).
Also, about the annoying thing: my dog does it too, only she prefers the crunchy bits within used kleenexes. She'll sneak them out of the bathroom and rip them to shreds on the living room carpet, then skulk under the table when I catch her.
16. Darren said:
Do they look anything like this?
http://www.knoxnews.com/kns/
music/article/0,1406,KNS_349_1812692
,00.html
I saw this article in my local paper yesterday and actually thought of you, Dooce.
17. Artemesia said:
Morgan - I've wondered the exact same thing (in this very same space, actually) ... but I believe the answer is Utahn ... Dooce, can you confirm?
18. Dawn said:
I really need a photo of the back of the head thing...I just can't picture it....
19. Funtime Ben said:
I recently saw the fuzzy slipper thing here in Manhattan on a NYU student in Union Square, but that just could have been because NYU students, for the most part, are privileged little bastards and don't feel like getting dressed up for the public. This is what happens when you make "The City" a campus.
She was also wearing pajama bottoms, so look out.
20. dooce said:
it is indeed "Utahns" or "Utahans" but really you can just call them Aryan.
21. speedo said:
Frank Zappa actually wrote a song about this very subject..."brown shoes don't make it-quit school, why fake it- TV dinner by the pool, I'm so glad I finished school...".
I am sure Frank and his Mothers of Invention have a huge following in Utah.
22. Jenny said:
As a fellow Utahn, I am here to tell you, what she says is true. Very very true.
23. nicole said:
if I was related, in some way or another, to an entire city of people, then it stands to reason that the city would feel like one giant living room to me.
24. alix said:
In high school I remember girls a class or two younger coming to school wrapped up in blankets. Fuzzy slippers are nothing compared to awkward teens tripping over ugly blankets getting on the bus.
25. April said:
Okay, hold on a second. People actually buy those fuzzy slipper things?
26. Don said:
Utah is the anus of America, don't expect much.
27. Irk said:
At first I read that as "Aunt Lola’s lead dress." Oops.
I've apparently been doing this backwards, because I have a pair of Birkenstock clogs that have not seen pavement that serve as my house shoes.
28. semaphoria said:
i am a graduate of park (sin) city high school - and most of the girls there wore the fuzzy slippers inside the school. they were a "cozy" alternative to wearing sorrels all day long. this was in the early nineties - and it was only a matter of time until it spread beyond the halls of that evil institution.
29. chunderchud said:
aw man...I own a brown belt (two actually). Khaki pants. And I'm from Utah. I'm so uncool.
But wait! No white shirt! And I used to live in New York. Oh! I'm cool again.
Nope, cuz I'm back in Utah. So I'm not cool.
Aw man...
30. PJ said:
Dawn: the hair thing kind of looks like crop circles, or really flatttened grass after a bad storm. (At least the kind I am familiar with.)
31. Zach Frost said:
I don't think Utah is the only one...
I live in Omak, WA. I have English 101 with a 17 year old girl named Crystal. She wears these same slippers. Come to think of it...She has blonde hair.
...but as far as I know, she lives in Tonasket (A smalltown 20 miles from here, where alot of inbreeding and redneck antics occur).
32. antisocial diva said:
i love wearing pajamas out. is that taboo as well? ah, hell. i guess i already know the answer to that. sometimes my husband and i will walk to the store and i will be in some comfy jammies and he will say, "yes, i'm taking my mentally ill wife for a walk" because he has to justify my choice of clothing. i don't dare try to justify the hair on his back when we are at the beach. that prick.
33. Libbyo said:
The fuzzy slipper phenomenon isn't exclusive to Utah, or a recent fad... when I lived in Ontario Canada, girls would wear slippers AND pajama bottoms to highschool... frequently.
34. Libbyo said:
Oh, and by the way you could definitely be referred to as "a people in Utah" you are one of us again... ARGGGGG
35. Tom said:
Down with the FUZZY-slippers... 6" Platform open-toed-come-fuck-me-shoes, all day, all night, all the time.
36. the propagandist said:
god IS pissed.
37. Agatha said:
Perhaps, but Jesus digs it.
38. the drifter said:
For the love of Brigham, it's "Utahns." I've never heard anyone in Utah refer to shimself as a "Utahan." Just people outside the state, who usually then start talking about Utah's rampant polygamy. I also read a book one time (a college book no less, in college, in Utah, as a Utahn), that said Jews AND Mormons refer to non-members as "gentiles." I've never heard a single Mormon refer to me or any of my t'baccy-chewin' brethren as "gentiles," but I wish they did. That'd be tits.
39. frootbetty said:
There was a trend identical to what you described in Japan (Shibuya district of Tokyo)about 2 years ago, although the girls would actually buy two pairs of slippers (each a different color and then wear one of each, while a friend would accompany her wearing the other "pair".
40. nicole said:
utahn, like 'futon' and 'crouton'?
right on.
41. russh said:
Dooce: judge not, lest ye be judicated.
a) your Aunt Lola and the leopard print are HOT, HOT, HOT.
b) Elizabeth Smart wears fuzzy slippers to the mall. (They make a great ensemble with the veil and sunglasses.)
c) Don't drink Stoli on an empty stomach.
42. Naaman said:
Pleated khakis?!! On 16 yr old kids?!!!! A part of me is dying inside.
43. Alex said:
Fuzzy slippers? Do the more conservative girls wear brown ones?
I hope they don't wear them back inside when they get home. Can you imagine how funkafied they probably get after walking through the city with them?
Jeepers!
44. dvl said:
Those damn Steve Madden fuzzy pink slippers - I swear it's like you can put shit on a cracker and add a shoelace, and if it says "Steve Madden" on it anywhere people will wear it!
45. quoias said:
Jenny...it's pronouced you-taw-in, so it doesn't really rhyme with futon. I lived there for 7 years with my brunette hair and black boots so I found this a little weird. I never wore fuzzy slippers out (or in), but I did go through a disturbing time wearing black long john bottoms as pants. They looked cool with the boots.
46. zchamu said:
Um. Don't their feet get cold? Wierdos.
47. Marco said:
Hmm..this reminds me of my formative years when the pajama top became the must-dare-to-wear item. As you were...
48. Xanthan said:
Dooce, you're not wrong.... that's exactly it. Can't believe I missed it! Viva La Dooce.
49. Malisa said:
First - is the hair thing the cowlicks (yes, it's really spelled that way)? Half of my family lives in Utah and I'm thinking of the way we were taught to comb our hair.
Second - I am all for running to the grocery store on Sat morning in my pajama bottoms and toe socks. They are the bomb. After all, I haven't even had breakfast yet.
50. Brooke said:
Of course -- Fuzzy slippers worn with pleated khaki pants and a brown belt... I mean how much sexier can you get?
51. zannie said:
OMG that's so funny! I've never seen anyone in big fuzzy slippers (other than myself - I have big pink ones - but goodness, I don't wear them in public!!!)!
52. Summer said:
The fuzzy slipper wearing thing is popular with jr. and high school girls here in Arizona. They wear their pajama pants to school too. My daughter does it all the time.
53. Irk said:
Frootbetty: I totally thought you were gonna say that the Japanese girls would put one slipper of color A on one foot, followed by a slipper of color B, and then put slipper B followed by slipper A on the other foot. Like we used to do with slouch socks.
54. PrincessEvilina said:
The fuzzy slipper thing is popular here in Fresno as well. My polite indignation knows no bounds.
55. shy said:
fuzzy animal anything was the new thing in hong kong and japan two years ago. like... that's just SO two years ago!!!
56. Heather #2 said:
First of all, poop: you stink. (That sounded so clever before I actually wrote it.)
Secondly, black long john bottoms with boots? No. No way. Uh-uh. Forget it. No way in hell do black long john bottoms look good with anything. Ever. Not even when you're sleeping. And definitely not boots.
Last but not leastly, "For the love of Brigham" almost made me pee my pants.
57. Paula said:
Where are the pictures? I looked in the photos area, I did not see them??
58. Ryan said:
Godamn scary! Slippers? I hate slippers! As if wearing socks with sandals wasn't bad enough, we now have people in fuzzy slippers on the streets... oh boy *sigh*
59. susan said:
I visited with a friend of mine from Utah on a trip to Vegas just a few weeks ago - she had the hair thing going on. I thought it was because of having 6 kids that the wild hair 'do' was hip on her, with her blond tresses. I see that I was wrong now.
60. averagesq said:
Sandals and socks will always be worse. Than what? Than everything. I remember one morning in elementary school where I walked all the way to school and was lining up outside to go into class when i realized i hadn't bothered to get dressed and was still wearing my batman pajamas - bottoms and tops - and I had to run and find my older sister at the school next door and she refused to take me home.
61. webgrrlie said:
oh just wait! have you been in utah in summer yet? because that's when it gets really good ;) because everyone (mormon) wears garments, they can't wear regular shorts, or any kind of tank tops. so the women wear these really long-ass things (i think they're called culottes) that come down just past their knees that are oh-so-attractive with their pasty white skin. just wait til it hits a 100 degrees there!
62. jen said:
Come to Baltimore, Hon. The fuzzy slippers have been a fashion trend since 1953, long before John Waters ever immortalized them. We also have your 'conflagration', but I always thought that was caused by too many hair products causing the ends to break off when an attempt is made to blow dry the scraggly hairmass into a flip...
63. zchamu said:
And by the way.. the attack beagle has the same cardboard toilet paper roll fetish. Except he likes to empty the rolls himself by grabbing the end of the toilet paper and running maniacally through the house til it's done.
64. thePOSTMAN said:
"But when these Aryan specimens are gathered into one gigantic pigment-less mass it’s the scariest thing you’ve ever seen." - If you think that is scary, then you should check out Phoenix AZ, not only do we have large Aryan population, they have all had plastic add-ons to improve themselves.
65. The Fanboy Formerly Known As Beerzie said:
It sounds cozy to me.
66. Jess said:
I totally gotcha on the whole toilet paper roll thingee. But thats not the bad part. Its when they start stealing the whole thing with toilet paper on it off the dispenser and shredding the toilet paper and cardboard roll everywhere...all while you are sleeping.
67. Xanthan said:
Paula, click on "Photos" in Dooce's menu, then click on any of the headlines there which will take you to postings with photos. There's no dedicated gallery - rather, a set of links to postings that contain her marvelous photos.
68. eric said:
ah, maybe the second coming of "moonboots".
69. Heather #2 said:
Dooce, sweetie? I thought my stinky poop comment was bad BEFORE you removed the corresponding post.
70. Sarah L. said:
I have a question that's totally unrelated to fuzzy slippers: Dooce, do you have any relatives in Chicago? I get on the train every night and several stops later, a very tall woman who resembles you gets on. She looks very stern as she reads her fashion magazines, and she seems to be in a health related field. Or is it possibly just an expat Utahn doing some moonlighting?
71. Keren said:
Hm... Utah sounds boring.
72. nicole said:
SO incredible hilariously true. I lived for two years in Utah, where the Utah uniform is exactly as described. Thanks for the laughs. (And I still have my brown utah shoes.)
73. Shawn said:
Holy Crap Sarah L. I saw a Dooce look-a-like last night at a bar in the suburbs of Chicago. Clones perhaps?
74. chorizo said:
Just checking: What is the name for someone from New Hampshire? New Hampshirer?People from Illinois are Illini, right, not Illinoisians?
When I lived in Arizona we'd joke about Utards.
75. tracy said:
chorizo, the name for someone from NH is "Republican" ;)
76. powergirlred said:
Back in college, I would always see people sportin' the pj bottoms and slippers. I always thought that they just rolled out of bed and were late for class or something. It used to piss me off because, dude, if you have enough time to put on slippers, you have enough time to put on sneakers, dammit! I am now horrified to find out that it was all in the name of (bad) fashion.....
77. Sam said:
I hate to say it, but I know what you're talking about. It was a trend of sorts at my school a year or so ago, and today I still see girls wearing the fluffy slippers. What IS the world coming to?
78. New Hampshire Girlie said:
chorizo ...
It's New Hampshirite. Of course we rarely use that term except when we're out of state. In state we just refer to ourselves as "natives." There are so many MA trasnsplants -- affectionately known as Massholes to we New Hampshirites -- it's getting hard to tell.
79. New Hampshire Girlie said:
tracy ...
You'd be surprised. Most NHites fall into the libertarian category. It's the whole "Live Free or Die" thing. We mean it! That's the state doesn't make people buckle up or wear motorcycle helmets if they're over 18. (This also helps society via natural selection.)
80. suicideblonde said:
here in Hicktown, Ohio I see fuzzy slipper wearers all the time. i thought it was just here - well because it is hicktown.
81. mal said:
now i'm going to have to start calling that fire hair "preview of coming attractions."
82. hmw said:
Consider yourself blessed that they may actually be *trying*.....here in Philadelphia, teens and grown women alike wander about the street and into stores in not only slippers, but pajama bottoms, too! And it's not like they are cool or cutesy....in fact half the time, they are even dirty!
I've attributed it to the fact that they took the "Philly Sleepover" commercials (in which everyone wears their pj's to local attractions, theatre, etc.) seriously.
83. sean said:
is anyone paying attention to what dooce is listening to!?! fluffy slippers are funny and all, but bettie serveert will save your life.
84. Summer said:
I just have to add that ya'll who are dissin' the slippers, are old. What did your mothers tell YOU was atrocious when YOU were kids. Live and let live. It's anti-social... just what teens love. Get a grip. They're not trying to be "fashionable"... they're trying to be anti-fashionable. Geez.
85. Igor said:
So that explains the outrageously gorgeous Dooce. Next, I've seen (and I'm reasonably sure they're not photoshopped) pictures of Japanese girls wearing skirts. Which is nothing worth mentioning if not for the fact that for some reason that I cannot possibly fathom, the front and/or backside of the skirt is printed so that it looks as if you're seeing the woman/girl's panties and upper legs. IF this is not a hoax I don't know whether to find this attire sick or fascinating. A pair of brown shoes and a brown belt sound decidedly reasonable in comparison.
86. tracy said:
just because the slippers may be the latest teen "fashion" now doesn't mean that 10 years from now they won't look at old pictures and cringe...