Only in Utah
There's a disturbing new fashion trend among teenage girls in Utah of wearing fuzzy house slippers in public. Perhaps its not singluar to Utah, and maybe I wasn't paying attention when I lived in Los Angeles, but it's hard to go a day here without seeing a seemingly rational 16-yr old girl walking around in gigantic, dander-producing slippers fashioned in the likeness of rodents.
I'm not terribly surprised about this, primarily because I've been conditioned over several years to expect the worst from people in Utah when it comes to fashion. Now, you have to realize that everyone in Utah is blonde and blue-eyed and, if transported to another state, might be wildly beautiful. But when these Aryan specimens are gathered into one gigantic pigment-less mass it's the scariest thing you've ever seen.
The typical Utah outfit consists of a starchy white shirt, a pair of pleated khaki pants that hit the leg just above the ankle, a brown belt and brown shoes. I know this doesn't sound too bad, but even when they mix it up a little bit with a skirt or a sweater they're still wearing the brown belt and brown shoes. I recently saw a woman dressed entirely in black, with a black silk shirt and black stretchy pants, and she still had on her brown belt and brown shoes. Last time I checked Johnny Cash was not the new Jennifer Lopez.
The next thing you'll notice about people in Utah, as you glance upward from the brown belt and brown shoes, is the attention to detail they give to the back of their heads. It's as if the whole state has been told that they can't possibly go out with the back of their heads looking like that, and so they go back and spend ten more minutes with their backsides to the mirror creating what I like to call The Conflagration! It's a miniature replica, in follicle form, of the ferocious fire that will swallow the earth at the second coming of Jesus Christ. It's as if people are bearing testimony with their hair that God lives and is angry.
Now we've got the whole frightful furry slipper phenomenon, and I have to admit that I welcome the break from the brown shoes. But I wonder where it will go from here, you know? We can only hope they don't follow my Aunt Lola's lead and dress entirely in leopard-print negligee.
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FM Living
jennn said:
This post screams for digital photo accompaniment. I just cannot imagine.
03.17.03 - 11:09 AM / 1Grace said:
Are you saying that you prefer to wear white Addidas instead of puffy rats on your feet? What's your problem, anyhow?
03.17.03 - 11:11 AM / 2Danika said:
They actually wear the furry slippers out??!! Yikes that is scary!
03.17.03 - 11:11 AM / 3Yahmdallah said:
Are you sure you didn't just fall asleep during an episode of "Sponge Bob Squarepants" and dream all of this?
03.17.03 - 11:12 AM / 4pinky said:
I think I'd sort of like it if the state of Utah went all leopard all the time.
03.17.03 - 11:13 AM / 5Erika said:
Well, I don't want to offend anyone but here in Los Angeles depending on the area ..the how do you say ... people with the least money are generally seen outside in robes and/or curlers in addition to their worn out slippers. Think "Friday".
On another note, girl after living here how the heck are dealing with the move back to Utah. I have family in the suburbs of Seattle and I absolutely am giddy with delight when the plane touches down into Burbank.
03.17.03 - 11:15 AM / 6Leslie said:
Every college town I've been to has had girls and fuzzy slippers. I was hoping it was just out of laziness and not fashion. Sigh.
03.17.03 - 11:22 AM / 7eve said:
well... when i lived in sf, i used to wear my fuzzy slippers to work and i'd go run errands (walgreens on the corner, store to pick up some milk) in them... then again, i never did see anyone else do it in sf, so maybe i'm just a freak.
03.17.03 - 11:23 AM / 8Morgan said:
I once had a business trip that brought me to LA and Salt Lake in two days. The one thing I noticed was that both places seemed to have exactly the same women, only the Salt Lake girls seemed to be a.) born that way and b.) completely unaware of their potential.
If the Utahans (Utahers? Utites? Utorum?) ever collectively moved to LA, the plastic surgery industry would go out of business.
03.17.03 - 11:24 AM / 9Xanthan said:
Oh, I'm with Jennn - please post some images!
And while I'm begging, Dooce could you please post galleries of your wonderful photos? You've got such a great eye for composition and we love looking at the former Congressman... please?
03.17.03 - 11:30 AM / 10Broch said:
Please tell me that Black leather jackets have at least gone out of vogue during colder weather! I seem to have found a city that is full of them. 1998 ended a long time ago, being land-locked sucks.
03.17.03 - 11:32 AM / 11dooce said:
Xanthan: if you take a look at the top right of the page you'll see a site navigation area featuring a link to "photos." i may be wrong, but i think that's what you're looking for.
03.17.03 - 11:39 AM / 12lordgoon said:
Cool. I wear my carpet slippers outside all the time - always figured it was just because I'm sort've a slob. The line between slobbery and hipness continues to waver, and I'll be there for the final collapse.
How's the new Betties album? Still waiting for mine to arrive.
03.17.03 - 11:40 AM / 13chris said:
my wife had a pair of (indoors-only) frog slippers that were retired and given to the dog. he's since made them his own by de-stuffing them and tearing the heads off.
sounds like i better not take him for a walk at a mall in salt lake...
03.17.03 - 11:43 AM / 14PJ said:
I've seen that hair thing going on here in Illinois too, usually on Country-Club Blondes (you know the color).
Also, about the annoying thing: my dog does it too, only she prefers the crunchy bits within used kleenexes. She'll sneak them out of the bathroom and rip them to shreds on the living room carpet, then skulk under the table when I catch her.
03.17.03 - 11:52 AM / 15Darren said:
Do they look anything like this?
http://www.knoxnews.com/kns/
music/article/0,1406,KNS_349_1812692
,00.html
I saw this article in my local paper yesterday and actually thought of you, Dooce.
03.17.03 - 11:56 AM / 16Artemesia said:
Morgan - I've wondered the exact same thing (in this very same space, actually) ... but I believe the answer is Utahn ... Dooce, can you confirm?
03.17.03 - 12:08 PM / 17Dawn said:
I really need a photo of the back of the head thing...I just can't picture it....
03.17.03 - 12:30 PM / 18Funtime Ben said:
I recently saw the fuzzy slipper thing here in Manhattan on a NYU student in Union Square, but that just could have been because NYU students, for the most part, are privileged little bastards and don't feel like getting dressed up for the public. This is what happens when you make "The City" a campus.
She was also wearing pajama bottoms, so look out.
03.17.03 - 12:40 PM / 19dooce said:
it is indeed "Utahns" or "Utahans" but really you can just call them Aryan.
03.17.03 - 12:43 PM / 20speedo said:
Frank Zappa actually wrote a song about this very subject..."brown shoes don't make it-quit school, why fake it- TV dinner by the pool, I'm so glad I finished school...".
I am sure Frank and his Mothers of Invention have a huge following in Utah.
03.17.03 - 12:44 PM / 21Jenny said:
As a fellow Utahn, I am here to tell you, what she says is true. Very very true.
03.17.03 - 12:45 PM / 22nicole said:
if I was related, in some way or another, to an entire city of people, then it stands to reason that the city would feel like one giant living room to me.
03.17.03 - 12:46 PM / 23alix said:
In high school I remember girls a class or two younger coming to school wrapped up in blankets. Fuzzy slippers are nothing compared to awkward teens tripping over ugly blankets getting on the bus.
03.17.03 - 12:48 PM / 24April said:
Okay, hold on a second. People actually buy those fuzzy slipper things?
03.17.03 - 12:54 PM / 25Don said:
Utah is the anus of America, don't expect much.
03.17.03 - 01:00 PM / 26Irk said:
At first I read that as "Aunt Lola’s lead dress." Oops.
I've apparently been doing this backwards, because I have a pair of Birkenstock clogs that have not seen pavement that serve as my house shoes.
03.17.03 - 01:19 PM / 27semaphoria said:
i am a graduate of park (sin) city high school - and most of the girls there wore the fuzzy slippers inside the school. they were a "cozy" alternative to wearing sorrels all day long. this was in the early nineties - and it was only a matter of time until it spread beyond the halls of that evil institution.
03.17.03 - 01:24 PM / 28chunderchud said:
aw man...I own a brown belt (two actually). Khaki pants. And I'm from Utah. I'm so uncool.
But wait! No white shirt! And I used to live in New York. Oh! I'm cool again.
Nope, cuz I'm back in Utah. So I'm not cool.
Aw man...
03.17.03 - 01:26 PM / 29PJ said:
Dawn: the hair thing kind of looks like crop circles, or really flatttened grass after a bad storm. (At least the kind I am familiar with.)
03.17.03 - 01:36 PM / 30