A Necessary List of Things That Scare Me Shitless
opossums
flying cockroaches
denim couches
acrylic nails
gold lam�
tornadoes
Andy Rooney
tabasco
Arkansas
black ice
anything under the hood of a car
exercise balls
swamps
TRL
Ross Dress For Less
short, stubby toes
gigantic panties
Code Red Mountain Dew
eels
wicker
treadmills
club soda
prunes
penciled eyebrows
berets
lizards
glass elevators
mushy peas
baloons
Pamela Anderson's breasts
cats in heat
swollen ankles
dentures
plaid
Willy Wonka
The Day After
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FM Living
Pinkie said:
The pencilled in eyebrows look scares me too. Specifically because it makes them look like clowns and clowns scare me.
Wow, am I the first post?
03.19.03 - 09:15 AM / 1Tim said:
But... but... the martini glasses were so sexy.
03.19.03 - 09:19 AM / 2imjeffp said:
>balloons
>Pamela Anderson’s breasts
Isn't this redundant?
03.19.03 - 09:23 AM / 3lordgoon said:
My ancestors in England used to eat mushy peas at least once a day, and they all seem to have turned out all right. Er...wait, though...they also used to eat 'trotters' (picked pigs' feet wrapped in terrycloth) whenever they went to the movies. Okay, so...never mind.
I'm with you about Andy Rooney. Even just watching him on TV, you can smell the formaldyhyde.
03.19.03 - 09:27 AM / 4julia said:
my list is strikingly similar. although a couple of my items are like clusters of your items. for example: andy rooney wearing gold lame and a beret while lounging on a plaid denim couch, drinking a code red mountain dew while watching the day after while petting a cat in heat.
see? scary stuff right there.
03.19.03 - 09:28 AM / 5ericalynn said:
I'm totally there with you regarding Willy Wonka.
03.19.03 - 09:30 AM / 6Croz said:
How about an opossum with acrylic nails, wearing denim and lame, that had eyebrows like Andy Rooney and a hat like Willy Wonka?
Okay, that would be scary too.
03.19.03 - 09:41 AM / 7Micheal Jackson said:
all that, and i didn't even make the list...
03.19.03 - 09:44 AM / 8Michael Jackson said:
and i didn't spell my name right.
03.19.03 - 09:45 AM / 9Keri said:
Do you mean Willy Wonka the character or Willy Wonka the movie? Because, you know, when they take the boat through that tunnel, that was some pretty scary stuff. But Willy Wonka himself wasn't that scary...
03.19.03 - 09:46 AM / 10Broch said:
Ironically, most things on the list are things that one would encounter on a weekend trip to Memphis, Little Rock, Dallas, well hell, any place south of the Mason Dixon line...
03.19.03 - 09:46 AM / 11Danika said:
Snakes
Carrot Top
03.19.03 - 09:49 AM / 12christa said:
I'm afraid of Willy Wonka (the character) too.
03.19.03 - 09:50 AM / 13Alex said:
- My mother's tattooed eyebrows (which are done way to high so she looks constantly surprised)
- My mother's tattooed lipliner
- My mother's constant bad perms
- Eh, what the hell, my mother!
03.19.03 - 09:59 AM / 14April said:
Um. Okay. Stupid question. What's TRL?
03.19.03 - 10:01 AM / 15Heather #2 said:
I make a solemn vow in front of God and all dooce.com readers never wear sandals in your presence, lest you become shitless.
03.19.03 - 10:05 AM / 16Carrie said:
What about those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz? (shudder) Personally, I found them much more creepy than Willy Wonka, but to each her own, right?
03.19.03 - 10:05 AM / 17The Inmate said:
1. I think it's spelled "Yuppie". As in, not like "Puppy".
2. What's up with asking for my e-mail address? I don't want to give my e-mail address to anyone. Particularly not to some of the nutcases that show up in here!
03.19.03 - 10:05 AM / 18Bruce said:
Bushes
03.19.03 - 10:08 AM / 19dooce said:
April: TRL is Total Request Live
Inmate: Thanks for the spellcheck.
Heather #2: I bet I would adore your fucking toes!
03.19.03 - 10:13 AM / 20The Inmate said:
Wow that was quick. I don't expect anyone to redo graphics that fast. Hats off, Dooce. I just couldn't leave it well enough alone....glass-half-empty, overcritical bastard that I am.
03.19.03 - 10:20 AM / 21windowsill wendy said:
anna nicole smith
spiders
'trotters'
in that order. yikes.
03.19.03 - 10:22 AM / 22jenB said:
- tiny panties
- acid wash demin making a comeback
- any sitcom on ABC
03.19.03 - 10:24 AM / 23Stephanie said:
Yes, yes, yes - That goddamn The Day After! If I had never seen that, I truly believe I'd be a much more carefree girl right now. I'd like to give the producers a good cockpunching random panic scenes from that movie that flash in my head every time someone tells me to "go about my daily routine".
03.19.03 - 10:40 AM / 24rickster said:
Isn't it interestng that "balloons", "Pamela Anderson's Breasts", and "Cats in Heat" are all in a row??
03.19.03 - 10:56 AM / 25nick said:
oh - no, don't knock the dew. code red is sweet, sweet nectar.
03.19.03 - 10:57 AM / 26anna jr. said:
dude, i just moved to arkansas.
and it's really not so bad at all.
kind of like utah, i'm guessing.
as far as things that scare me go, the number one thing on my list is vomit.
03.19.03 - 11:05 AM / 27Funtime Ben said:
I'm scared by the little granules on the bottom of English Muffins.
03.19.03 - 11:07 AM / 28ms lauren said:
i'm deathly afraid of fish, eating fish, fish in fishtanks where i eat, fish touching me in the water, fish in lakes, fish gills, and fish bric-a-brac.
i can't believe someone asked what TRL is! (*flips hair*)
03.19.03 - 11:17 AM / 29Beerzie Boy said:
People who use the word "utilize" or "plethora"
03.19.03 - 11:19 AM / 30