Zombie College
While rummaging through our storage unit last night looking for some paperwork, I stumbled across this gem sitting in a box of files:
The photo was taken the first day I was on BYU campus, late August 1993. I'd always hated having my picture taken, but that day I had on my special grumpies for the overall-wearing, sickeningly precious Relief Society president behind the camera.
I had to wait in line for over 4 hours for that picture, only to get to the front of the line and have some chipper, cocksucking Ken doll tell me that, my goodness, I didn't have all my paperwork filled out, could I please come back when I had everything ready. I informed him in no uncertain terms that unless he wanted to witness a live and graphic demonstration of someone losing their religion, he had better let me get my damn picture taken.
This ID card brings back a lot of bad memories, many of them involving roommates who felt compelled to remind me that God's Disciples smile and that I had better hop to it. I usually hopped to stealing a pair of their panties, soaking them in water and sticking them in the freezer on top of the Otter Pops.
Don't you think that if rogue regimes saw more pictures like this one that they'd think, God, these people have it bad enough, who needs terrorists?
You must have a dooce® Community account to leave a comment.
If you've already registered, login.
If this is your first time posting here, snag a free account.
FM Living
Funtime Ben said:
Who's looks cracked out?
03.21.03 - 08:07 AM / 1HRH said:
My Univeristy ID is a lovely shot right up my nose. Why they couldn't raise the camera a little I don't know.
Otter pops?
03.21.03 - 08:08 AM / 2aubs said:
It's sad to say I'm jealous, but I am ... have been trying to find my own horrid student ID (with similar snarling picture due to the oppressive NC August heat) and have yet to locate it. Perhaps it's with the pile of single socks conveniently gone and my expired Driver's License...
03.21.03 - 08:08 AM / 3April said:
You weren't kidding about those eyebrows. I like them, though. Very Brooke Shields.
03.21.03 - 08:10 AM / 4Funtime Ben said:
I finally get the first comment and I write "Who's looks cracked out?" All I feel right now is an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment.
If it is any consolation in my State college ID they swiveled the camera too hight and it looks as if I'm sinking into quicksand and because it was a state college, they wouldn't retake the photograph.
03.21.03 - 08:12 AM / 5Tim said:
Unrelated to the post (nice picture, though...), but I have to say that the 5-year-old and duct tape thing in the Guilty section is hilarious.
03.21.03 - 08:15 AM / 6mbc said:
You don't by chance sing lead vocals for Poison, do you?
I'm sporting a stylish bowl haircut in my college ID, and the tint is off so I look like I've got a hellacious sunburn.
03.21.03 - 08:26 AM / 7r3 said:
I have the same expression on my face when they took my mug-shot the first day I was on the UT campus....lol...
03.21.03 - 08:27 AM / 8Anne said:
In my college ID, I wore a little pink tank top since it was so hot, but the camera's color balance was so screwy that the tank ended up the same color as my skin. It looked like I was completely naked. The bottom of the picture was right above where there'd be nippliage, and you can't imagine how many weird looks I got from people when I handed them my ID.
All four years, with that stupid thing.
03.21.03 - 08:29 AM / 9kelly said:
I got my drivers license picture taken during my summer of lifeguarding. My lovely hair was a shade or two green. I have that picture to this day.
03.21.03 - 08:36 AM / 10brent dos said:
You should see my driver license. Apparently when I smile, my eyes squint too much, so they couldn't see what color they were. After three retakes, I assure, there was _no_ squinty-eyed smiling.
03.21.03 - 08:42 AM / 11the propagandist said:
photography, like all art, is interpretive.
but that look on your face is esperanto for pissed off. no interpretation needed.
03.21.03 - 08:57 AM / 12Kristin said:
You had crazy, God-freak roommates too?
I bet yours didn't wake you up at 7 am to say you looked like you needed to go to the gym
I must say, I wish I'd thought of that panty thing back then.
03.21.03 - 09:17 AM / 13Kate the Great said:
Dude. Mugshot city.
Not that my IDs have been anything to crow about.
03.21.03 - 09:49 AM / 14Angelique said:
Ah yes, the infamous collegiate id pic. well, i had a similar experience when i got mine taken. i was wearing my favorite black t-shirt that simply had the word "fetish" on it and i was told that i "was certainly making a statement" by the little old blue haired biddy behind the camera whose ass was so bulbous she couldnt even stand to take photos, she clicked her little button from her little brown metal folding chair - a chair, mind you, that was silently screaming for help under the wieght of her ass.
i hear ya sistah. she proceeded to ask me if i wanted "that word" on my id for the next for years. i advised her that if she kept up the banal and first ammendment-threatening line of questioning, i just may wear this shirt everyday for the next few years and send her a subscription to the s&m mag i get on a regular basis.
so go you, damn the man.
03.21.03 - 09:58 AM / 15Suzyn said:
My freshman college ID was so bad that when I told people I had plastic surgery after it was taken they believed me.
03.21.03 - 10:08 AM / 16rebecca said:
a picture shows a thousand words... and boy, do you look angry!
03.21.03 - 10:26 AM / 17jen said:
When I went to get mine taken at Texas A&M (what the fuck was *I* thinking by going there?), there was this little old lady with a beehive that looked to be about 5-years-old. She had this very scary hand drawn bluebird taped to the front of the camera and told me "Smile at the Birdie" I remember thinking, "phuhyeah, right" as the light went off.
My father very kindly said to me afterwards, "You always have that 'You've got to be shitting me' look on your face, don't you?"
I can relate to your comment about people telling you to smile--those Baptists at A&M told me that they were praying for me to get happy.
Bastards.
03.21.03 - 10:27 AM / 18Irk said:
Dooce, you look hella mad. I look like I'm about to rob someone in my college ID (which I still use on occasion to get the discount at the movies).
03.21.03 - 10:30 AM / 19Sarah B. said:
In my first college ID, I look like I've been up crying all night because my high school boyfriend just dumped me. Also, they took it on a computer before technology got really fancy, so I kind of look like a pumpkin.
03.21.03 - 10:30 AM / 20kath said:
Hey, thanks for the heads up on the Hoopla 500 (Reading:) -- I loved the old site, but only had an old defunct bookmark. Yay!!
03.21.03 - 10:49 AM / 21Lex said:
I had a big goofy grin on my face in my college ID because I was so damn glad to finally be getting out of the house. If only I'd known ....
03.21.03 - 10:55 AM / 22galt said:
my school id pic turned out pretty good. but then they spelled my name wrong on the card and I had to have it retaken. in the new picture I look like someone who is described as 'a nice young man who always kept to himself'. if you know what i mean. and i think you do.
03.21.03 - 10:55 AM / 23Kerry said:
You still look cute, in spite of your serial killeresque expression.
03.21.03 - 11:04 AM / 24krotchbat said:
Dooce, do you "totally get" Julie from Real World New Orleans?
03.21.03 - 11:08 AM / 25The Tarquin said:
I commiserate completely with all of you. I think they train the college photography people to each suck in their own, unique way. Here at Gonzaga in lovely, dry, windy, Spokane, Washington, they don't warn you, or at least me, when they are going to take the picture. They then mutter "oops" and grab the next person in line. I wound up looking like a 14 year old with an attention problem. I wasn't even looking at the camera, so you get a real nice shot of the side of my head.
03.21.03 - 11:35 AM / 26mbc said:
rebecca (no.17) suggested that a picture says a thousand words. i agree. in this case, 500 of them are "fuck" and the other 500 are "you."
03.21.03 - 12:05 PM / 27allisonic said:
In 20 years, you are so Judy Woodruff's twin.
03.21.03 - 12:13 PM / 28Matt said:
What's the deal with folks not being able (willing?) to take another photo, especially when the darn cameras are almost all digital now? What's wrong with giving people the "best of 3" option... I mean, c'mon.
Police officers might actually be able to confirm someone matches their photo. Oh wait, not police officers... I mean, they've never tried to see if... aw, heck. Maybe it makes more sense to have bad photos on the license or ID card. When most people are asked to show them, it's how they look anyway.
I'm just glad the DMV person let me fix my hair before taking my license photo... a motorcycle helmet-hair photo would be almost as, um, memorable as Dooce's photo above.
03.21.03 - 12:18 PM / 29frootbetty said:
Dooce, you never mentioned you were a goth in college!
Your angst is too palpable.
03.21.03 - 12:24 PM / 30