In a family way
It's been a busy couple of weeks for my side of the family starting when my cousin (and DORJ!'s brother), Robert, and his wife gave birth to their first child, Maci.
DORJ! is one of three sons, and the birth of this granddaughter has turned my Uncle Danny, Curdled Turd Bump of Incomprehensible Stink, into a vulnerable heap of goo. Danny was visiting my mother when she was watching Leta during our trip to Amsterdam last month, and reportedly it was then that his hardened interior began to liquefy. He was so taken with Leta that he drove to McDonald's every morning specifically to buy her a couple of greasy hash browns. There is significance in this gesture because it marks the first time in Danny's life that he ever did anything nice for another human being.
Last week Robert sent me an email to give me an update about Maci, and he had this to say about his father: "You should see Grandpa Boone with her. I have never seen him smile so much. He holds her for hours at a time. I've never seen anything like it." That's the miracle of babies, their ability to lay bare the tender, beating hearts of raging assholes.
And Danny says he doesn't like my website! HMMPH!
Also this week my sister, September, had her hair colored back to its natural brown. There are not words to adequately state how huge a step this was for her, bigger perhaps than if she had agreed to watch a single minute of a Michael Moore film, something she sees as the equivalent of having her hands chopped off at the wrists. I'm so proud of her, and not a little jealous that even though she is five years older than I am her skin is so smooth that it makes mine look like the obituary photo of someone who died of old age.
Finally, today my mother's sister, my Aunt Lola, is having a mastectomy. She was diagnosed with breast cancer only a few weeks ago, and this has affected me in truly surprising ways. I am of course deeply saddened and torn apart that this has happened to her and what this means for her body, for the way she has to live the rest of her life, for the years that may have already been cut from her life. At the same time this is bad news for the rest of the women in my family who have up until now enjoyed the luxury of telling our primary care physicians that no one in our family has ever suffered breast cancer. The magnitude of what this means for us is still unknown, and that frankly terrifies me in almost indescribable ways. It is that terror that surprises me, but it is also that terror that has renewed in me a devotion to keeping myself healthy, a devotion to celebrating my heritage while at the same time fighting what that heritage could possibly mean.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Torrie said:
I love September's new hair (hey, that would make a good band name).
It looks like chocolate.
Yummy!
2. esther said:
i don't know if this will get deleted, but i love your blog. and babies. and other stuff. you're the best!
3. shan said:
I am sooo close to first!
And yes she does have gorgeous skin, but you have a model's face, so... it all evens out in the end.
4. tksinclair said:
My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. I was told to have my regular mammograms, once a year, starting at 40 and to not take hormones or drown myself in soy (which I was doing because it beat the side effects - hot flashes - of menopause) BUT you have a long way to go before you have to deal with menopause. Oh, I was also told to do my monthly breast exams - which I don't do regularly - but it is advised. I was worried about how would I even know a lump if I saw one!?! But, was told, "You'll know." Let's hope. I wish the best for your aunt. My aunt is like my second mother. I'm happy to say she's doing fine a year later but she did have to have chemo and I think some radiation. She lost ALL her hair. I mean, you lose ALL your hair. Eyelashes, eyebrows, and as she called it "the hair down there!" The first single hair that grew back? A chin hair! Figures.
5. victoria said:
A lot of momentous news in this entry. But the most mysterious and provocative news here compels this question: How could anyone not like your website?
6. Cindy said:
Congrats on the new niece-cousin, isn't it grand how babies can change peoples view of the world so much?
Your sister - and her hair - is beautiful.
I'm so sorry about your Aunt Lola - and for the loss of the security you felt before. An extra prayer for your aunt will be said today.
Give Leta an extra hug or two from us out here, won't ya? :-)
7. Britta said:
It's a strange thing when the family health history changes and you find yourself hesitating in the doctor's office, or checking more of the "yes" boxes on the intake surveys. But it's also a wonder--that we are connected as such, that little genes dictate the people we become. My mother was diagnosed with a heart arrythmia a year before my own diagnosis. She broke her leg a year before I broke my thumb (both of us in skiing accidents). Coincidence? Who knows. But for fuck's sake, mom, be careful! (I don't really say this to her.) Good wishes to Aunt Lola...
8. Britta said:
It's a strange thing when the family health history changes and you find yourself hesitating in the doctor's office, or checking more of the "yes" boxes on the intake surveys. But it's also a wonder--that we are connected as such, that little genes dictate the people we become. My mother was diagnosed with a heart arrythmia a year before my own diagnosis. She broke her leg a year before I broke my thumb (both of us in skiing accidents). Coincidence? Who knows. If it's more than that, for fuck's sake, mom, be careful! Slow down! (I don't really say this to her.) Good wishes to Aunt Lola and your family.
9. Vaguely Urban said:
All those family pots of edamame and farting expeditions to the gym - sounds like you're taking good care of yourself. Keep it up, get examined when you're supposed to, and you should be just fine. Prevention and early detection, baby!
Also - congratulations to Uncle GEORGE!
10. Amanda Paige said:
September looks beautiful. And I don't see evidence of any aerosal hairspray in the photo either.
11. Pupsicle said:
My mother was diagnosed last week with malignant melanoma - I can really sympathize. It just knocks the wind right out of you, realizing that you have a vulnerability you hadn't really contemplated before.
12. Urs said:
my grandma had ovarian cancer, my mom and her two sisters had ovarian cancer- and i'm pretty sure i will get it too. shit happens. i guess it's part of life and we all have to deal with something. i hope your aunt will be ok.
13. Lisa Ferris said:
Gosh, I just looked at the Boones on Flickr and I didn't know all Mormons looked so much like Donny Osmond! What's up with that? They are all so pretty.
On a more serious note, sorry about your Aunt Lola. My mom died of Cancer 3 years ago. It does change the way you think of your own mortality.
14. Heather Anne said:
Warm wishes for your Aunt Lola.
And I think you oughta have this: "That’s the miracle of babies, their ability to lay bare the tender, beating hearts of raging assholes" made into a sticker.
15. Torrie said:
Heather, I forgot to mention:
I came across this amazing study about why Polish women's rate of breast cancer increases three fold when they move to the US. I wrote a little bit about it on the new site.
http://veggiepregnancy.com/index.php/2006/03/06/vegan-colseslaw/
I don't know why something that can so easily reduce your risk of breast cancer isn't being made more public.
If you'd like more info I could email you the article.
16. wordnerd said:
I really REALLY like the name September.
That is all.
yay DJORG!
17. Meg said:
We'll be thinking of her, you can be sure. A cimilar cancer issue came up in my life last year, and it was a hell of a wake-up call. I hope the best for all of you.
And what is with y'all and shiny hair? Good lord.
18. literatigirl said:
Heather, my sympathies are with you re: Aunt Lola. It is a terrible disease and you are right to sympathize not only with its impact on her longevity but also on her body. This aspect of the disease is often overlooked and it is only right that we mourn the loss of the parts of our bodes (uterus, breast) that are such a part of our conception of ourselves as women.
19. Meg said:
Cimilar? Good god.
20. Amanda B. said:
I've got to start checking over here before I comment on flickr.
September looks really beautiful. Tell her the internet says so.
Saying a prayer for Lola. She sounds like a spunky gal, and I bet she'll walk through the whole process with humor and grace. (unlike me who would run around and scream a lot)
21. Bella said:
My Mother had breast cancer and thankfully did not have to have a mastectomy, which makes losing your hair from the chemo seem like a drop in the bucket, since hair grows back. But it had a terrible affect on her self-esteem even with the countless wigs she bought. I'll se saying a prayer for Aunt Lola. (hugs)
22. Elenalyn said:
I know the feeling. Those questionaires are so scary... it would almost be easier if they asked me to list out the female relatives who DON'T have breast cancer.
On a happier note, here I thought I was being all original when I named my little girl September. But your sister is gorgeous, so I guess I don't feel too bad about the name-sharing. =)
23. rivetergirl said:
My mother just finished a year-long treatment for breast cancer that included months of chemotherapy. A mastectomy followed by another one when the doctors didn't like the look of the second breast. Topped off by radiation treatments which required her to drive 45 minutes each way through the snowy Sierra Nevadas every day for weeks.
I was 800-miles away and terrified for my mom and for myself.
She has always been the healthy one while my dad always the sickly one.
I hate cancer ... I hate it a lot.
But she survived and when I had a nice long visit with her recently, I realized how lucky I am to not only have my mother but to have such a wonderful mother at that.
24. julezy said:
Best of luck to your Aunt. This must be a major blow to your family. I know how much it stings to hear that news as all of the women in my family (short of my mom, sister and myself) have battled breast cancer. My grandma fought for 22 years! She was told that she would never live to see my mom get married, and she finally gave in to the disease MY senior year of high school. If your aunt has the will, she can fight it!
25. gribblelite said:
As per usual, glorious news (the birth of a child) is tempered with the horrible reality of cancer for your Aunt Lola. So happy about the birth, so sorry about your aunt.
God really has some crappy timing, doesn't he?
Love the descriptive of Danny, classic. Yeah, we have one in our family, too.
26. Jim Brodhead said:
Curdled Turd Bump of Incomprehensible Stink?
Stop, you're killing me here. I just blew a green apple Jolly Rancher right through my nose.
27. BREM experience said:
Want to see your sister die of a heart attack?
Have her watch this:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5137581991288263801&q=loose+change
http://www.loosechange911.com/
uh oh.
28. thewub said:
Great pics, and September's hair is just beautiful. Congrats on the family addition and babies do have a way of melting even the hardest of hearts. Especially when they are the Grandpa's hearts. I cannot quite figure it out!
29. Oaky said:
Hang in there. My mom had breast cancer a year ago. The day I found out was the worst day of my life. She is my best friend. She has gone through some rough days with chemo and is now cancer free a year later. You will be amazed how many people know someone who has had it and doing great once you start talking about it.
30. Wicked H said:
My thoughts and prayers go out to your Aunt. I too have a maternal Aunt who had and beat breast cancer. You are absolutely not alone in feeling the fear, my sisters and I also felt it. There are so many new treatments and cures these days, I am sure your Aunt will be well taken care of and win the fight.
31. rockr girl said:
heather
my heart goes out to you and your family. i know the feeling of which you speak. last january my nephew was diagnosed with leukemia, and its one of the most helpless feelings in the world - one that has this incredibly huge impacts on your life. you didn't ask for this, and yet, without being consulted, your life has forever changed. cancer is now a part of your family history, and it looms there on the horizon, sticking its tongue out at you as if to say "you really thought you could avoid me forever?" and truthfully, yes, you had thought that.
because its not just the medical ramifications, its the emotional and psychological ones that have the most impact.
your family will be in my thoughts (much more than as i stalk you via the internet).
32. vegasandvenice said:
I am sorry to hear that your aunt is going through this terrible illness. My aunt passed away of Cancer quite a few years ago now. She really wanted to deal with it in ways that were alternate to the suggestions of her doctors. Her passing was very difficult for me because in the last years of her life we had become much closer.
I also experienced a lot of the feelings that are plaguing you now. I felt sure that her illness was my death sentance. I think it will always worry me, but now I realize (as you are) that maybe this is not such a bad thing. Maybe these feelings will encourage me to be dilligent about breast exams and help me remain on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary. If I am ever diagnosed with cancer hopefully these very things will greatly increase my chances of being a survivor!!
My thoughts are with you and your family.
33. Snickrsnack Katie said:
Baby Maci is adorable. And September's hair is awesome! Quick question - do Mormons typically give their kids offbeat names? I have never come across anyone with the name September. And I once knew a Mormon kid named Hill. Not the last name Hill. First name Hill. Don't get me wrong - September is very pretty, just wondering about the whole Mormon/strange name phenomenon.
I am sorry to hear about your aunt. The loss of a breast is tragic, but I am sure she will now be able to live a long and healthy life. Go Lola!
34. Broch said:
It sound like Uncle Dany may be misunderstood, much in the same way that I am a majority of the time. Some of us have seen so much tragedy, and have made it through so many bad things, that we forget that there is anything else in life to look forward to. Then, we encounter a wonderful and innocent being that reminds us that there IS hope in the world. That hope is the secret ingredient to unlocking the goo factory.
35. Wendy Mac said:
I'm so sorry to hear the news about your Aunt! Best wishes to her for a speedy recovery, I'll be thinking of you guys.
And why must you show me such beautiful skin on a day when I feel like I have morphed into an alligator? Stupid winter.
36. Starla Dear said:
I love the name September. What I don't understand is with a sister named September and a brother named Ranger, how Dooce ended up with "Heather." :)
I like September's hair better this way -- what a gorgeous color! I hope I look this good in my mid-thirties!
37. Chloe said:
Would Aunt Lola wear one of these? I like the wristband but one of the t-shirts might be more suitable.
http://www.fanfire.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/fanfire.woa/wa/artist?artistNa...
38. suze said:
i am sorry to hear about your aunt, happy to hear of the new cousin, and jealous of your sister's faboo skin.
may your aunt have a speedy recovery.
39. Cloudy said:
You could get a genetic test calld BRCA to see if you are at a higher risk. Doing your regular self-exams is the most important though.
40. crzylady said:
ahhh, i know the terror and eventual resignation that you will have to live with the knowledge that cancer has krept into your genes.
My great-grandmother passed away from breast cancer and I grew up wondering when I would be diagnosed. I had a breast reduction 4 years ago and no sign of anything nasty.
Unfortunately my great-uncle passed away from cancer the same evening 2 years ago my grandmother was admitted into the hospital and they found lung cancer (not a smoker). Late last year my Aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. She finished up her chemo treatments in december and is gearing up for a cruise next month.
I pray constantly my father won't ever get it, nor my sister, and now, my 3 month old daughter. How do sickeningly HEALTHY Norwegians get cancer? I don't get it.
41. ketty said:
I have had several family members who have had breast cancer. My grandma had a double m. For a long time I was terrified of what that meant for me, but it turns out that even though it is happening a lot in my family, no one has had the type that is hereditary, so there is hope yet. But that opens up a new world of questions - what is it about our lifestyle that is causing this to happen? Hang tight.
42. Itchy said:
I find it amusing that most people have that one grouchy uncle that is turned into a goo ball when they become a Grandpa. I was stunned when it happened to my uncle...stunned.
43. shredbettie said:
Argh. This is worse than chicken little being voted off of American Idol. My mom died of breast cancer at 55 when I was a teenager. She was an unhappy person. I'm not implying anything by that. It's just how it was.
44. Marie said:
I am 27 years old. I have NO family history of breast cancer. Six months ago, I had a lumpectomy and breast biopsy. Women (especially young women) need to be very aware of the fact that breast cancer doesn't discriminate between who has a family history and who doesn't.
45. Territorial said:
Your cousins are simply adorable. You just want to hug them. So very sorry about your Aunt having to have a mastectomy and your own medical history being somewhat shattered. Going through it myself with finding my fist lump. It's scarey.
46. tish said:
At 26 years old, I am the only woman on both sides of my family for several generations with all of my lady parts complete at this age. I had panic attacks a couple of years ago when I realized this, so I can sympathize with you now. But after two years and way too many doctors none of them seem to think this is as big a deal as I did back then. My point is that it'll be ok, just be careful and thoughtful of your own health. But don't fret about it, it will just make things worse. Like Ketty said, hang tight.
47. marian said:
Your sister is beautiful, like you.
I did a blog entry recently about the breast cancer terror, which is hitting me bigtime right now. Several friends have gotten it in the past few years. Women younger than me, who unlike myself have no family history, who eat organic, who exercise.
To reassure you, it's turned out okay for all of them at this point, but it makes me want to put my hands over my boobies and run away screaming, frankly, and I think this kind of fear is visiting lots of us right now.
What I'm wondering is what this fear does to us. And what does always living with it and feeling around for lumps all the time do to us? And what does the constant exposure to the radiation of mammograms do to us?
Where do we turn when so many of the wonderful chemical products and medicines of the recent past are today's known carcinogens? How do we find a way to relax with it and not flip out over every little twinge in the tittie?
48. laila said:
Heather,
So sad to hear your news about Aunt Lola. I'll add my good vibes to all of the internet good vibes headed her way. In terms of your health history, although her cancer will change some of it, your risk statistics do not increase much because she is not a first-degree relative (sister, mother) and I'm assuming that she is post-menopausal. In terms of hereditary risk, post-menopausal breast cancer is much, um, "better" to have in your family. That said, get all of the details of the cancer from her (estogen-sensitive or not, stage, type, etc...) so that you have a more complete record for your own health history. Good luck Aunt Lola, we're rooting for you!
49. wealhtheow said:
I am simultaneously happy and saddened re: your family news.
50. kljmom said:
perhaps you can take some comfort that only 10% of all breast cancer cases are due to family history/genetics....definitely not has high as people think.
51. Talon said:
Heh...like I tell my mother (I had skin cancer 9 years ago, she had breast cancer four years ago)...
At least when I get cancer, it doesn't raise YOUR risk factors...
You have to laugh about it sometimes. It's the only way.
Meanwhile...I hope your Aunt Lola comes through everything just fine. :)
52. gorgeoux said:
When I was 21 y.o., dad was diagnosed with something simple that needed a 2hrs surgery. It took 9hrs and he came out with 1% chances to live. Colon cancer. He doesn't know, or he wouldn't have ever been able to survive it.
When I was 28 y.o. mom finally shared with my sister and I the 'small' detail that, when we went to see daddy in the hospital many, many years ago (I was perhaps 4-5 y.o.) it had also been cancer, a different one--testicles.
Several weeks ago, dad had his 1st--and hopefully last--heart attack. We came close to losing him that day, twice. We are preparing for new surgery.
Do you think I may be insensitive? I didn't freak out for one second, thinking of him, or thinking about myself, my heritage. I believe he will be around much longer, and I definitely believe I will be around much longer.
Do you think I may have lost my mind at birth? I haven't run any medical exams since any of the above. And I won't even start with the rest of the family track record. The one I know of...
53. coffeygirlb said:
My condolences on your Aunt Lola's bad news. I think September's hair looks great!! Do you have another sister. I don't remember that being her name. Hmm
54. jes said:
Is that a plate of corn with a barbequed porkchop in the background?
55. pammer said:
It's extraordinary how one diagnosis becomes the domino for so many things. My mom had breast cancer 11 years ago. Now she's fighting myeloma (and kicking its ass thankyouverymuch). With diagnosis comes new vocabulary and new vocabulary leads to new concerns.
It's a slippery slope and you can end up in a dark, dark place when you begin to think about the impact to your kids... daughters more so.
So, is it better to know or not know?
56. savvystorm said:
Hi Heather,
I love your sister's hair. It looks beautiful.
I'm sorry to hear about Aunt Lola. I hope she gets better and feels like herself again soon!
57. Kassi said:
Your sister is very pretty...congrats on the new baby family member! And I'm sorry to hear about your Aunt. Take care of you and your family...health is fragile.
58. Leslie and Clover said:
The words "breast cancer", I can't describe the way they affect me. In my life time, my grandmother (my mom's mom) and all of my aunts (my mom's sisters) have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Four years ago, my senior year in college, my mom was also diagnosed. While every one of them survived, they all had to go through different degrees of treatment (from a mastectomy to extensive radiation and chemo). I sat with my mom during most of her treatments and she never missed a day of work during it. She was trying to be strong for her four daughters and three granddaughters because most likely one of us will be diagnosed as well. Our family doctor has given us a 25% (or greater) chance of acquiring the disease. Every single woman on my mom's side (starting with her mom) had been diagnosed. I'm only 26 and I have no children yet. I want children someday but I'm worried about the idea of having a girl and what I might end up passing along to her (as I'm sure you are concerned about too). While I know it isn't a death sentence I can't help but be scared to death. I wish the best for you, your family, and your Aunt Lola. If there is anything you need feel free to contact me.
59. Shelley said:
When my niece was born NO ONE expected my Step Dad to fall so hard for her. It's almost scary how much he dotes on the kid. His nieces were afraid of him (ok the 35 year old is STILL afraid of him) and they look at my niece with a mixture of awe and disgust when they see her and him together.
I too have witness the awe that comes with the melting of a hard hard.
and that is why everyone laughs when my 4.5 year old niece calls for her Grumpy.
60. Elizabeth M. Johnson said:
New babies are wonderful.
And my prayers are with your aunt.
61. Lisa's Chaos said:
It is absolutely amazing how babies can change people and lives. I had four and each one was unique. They're all now teenagers and continue to change lives daily.
It is also amazing the effects cancer has on the lives of the one diagnosed as well as those surrounding them. In Oct 2005, at age 38 and with no family history of any cancer, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer and honestly worry more about my loved ones than myself. It's so hard on one's family. And so very hard on the parents of the one with cancer.
I absolutely love the openess you have on your blog and phooey on anyone wanting you to change! If there happens to be something they don't like they can skim over it. Life's too short, life it like YOU want.
Give Leta and Chuck big sloppy kisses from Lisa.
62. Holly L said:
Heather:
You may feel that your sister's skin is more beautiful than yours, but MY GOD, you got to sleep with a famous soap star!
Also, I did about 9 months of chemo two years ago. It's not fun for anyone but it changed my entire outlook on life...in a wonderful way. And I've been healthy ever since. I hope your aunt has a similar experience.
63. marianne said:
I wish I didn't understand your fear. The women in my family, my late grandmother and my mother, have had brain tumours. My grandmother had cancer, my mother did not. Thank god. I've been afraid ever since my grandmother died 5 years ago and I started being afraid for my daughter the moment I found out I was having a girl.
We named her Lola.
I very sorry to hear about your Aunt Lola.
64. Velma said:
I ran your aunt's situation past Mr. Velma (who is actually Dr. Velma, and an oncologist to boot), and he says that having a second degree relative with breast cancer doesn't measurably increase your chances of developing it yourself.
I told him that this was not the warm fuzzy advice I was hoping to pass along to you, and he said, "Tell her to get a baseline mammogram at 35 instead of 40 if she's worried." Shrug. Yawn. "She's got no reason to worry." More shrugging, but I'd say you probably don't have any more reason to fear breast cancer now than you did a few weeks ago.
65. pilgrimgirl said:
I've lost about 1/4 of my body to cancer.
It's something that always hangs over your head after you've had someone close to you battle cancer or after you've had it yourself. Every ache, lump, sore--Is it cancerous?? Is it a malignancy or a metastisis?
But life must go on. You can't keep wondering 'what if.' No one knows when they might go--it could be cancer, it could be a car accident, whatever.
The only blessing that comes from a brush with cancer is that it makes every day sweeter. I really _love_ life--even though I've lost so much.
66. annlee said:
{{{{Pilgrimgirl}}}}
Happiness and sadness all in one post...it's tough. Hang in there, Heather...you've got a wonderful family to support you and each other through these tough times. Lean on them!
I am running in our local Race For The Cure 5K next Sunday...I'll be thinking of your aunt, and my aunt, and my friend down the street who just had twins AND a radical mastectomy.
67. Stepha1202 said:
Wishing your aunt, and the rest of the women in your family, happy thoughts.
68. Steph said:
Sorry to hear. I went through this with my mom.
69. lisadijon said:
i had a baseline mammogram done at 32, mostly for my own peace of mind, but also for my bit 'o paranoia having had a grandmother that fought every kind of cancer in the books. the dr. just shrugged my concern away when i mentioned it - "oh you're too young, don't worry about it" - but she (a gynecologist i saw only once) had long fingernails...painted RED for goddsake. clearly she had no common sense! just imagine those things coming toward you during an annual exam...or perhaps it's best to not think about it, huh. oy vey.
70. Torie said:
Everything always seems to come at once doesn't it? Good and bad all at once.
I've seen pictures of little Maci on George's site; she is quite adorable.
I'm sorry to hear about your Aunt Lola. Cancer seems to run in my family too. It really does make you think twice about your life and all the little things that you can do to help keep yourself in the best health possible.
She'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
71. Carol said:
It has been a few years since I have been to Utah. I am glad to see that they have finally outlawed blue eyeshawdow, blue mascara and Aqua Net!! You and your sister are beautiful, and don't even get me started on Leta and Chuck!
72. EmLocke said:
Your Aunt Lola has reminded me to celebrate my breasts. Sometimes we forget how much of our femininity falls on our curves. I'm sending good vibes her way (and yours!)
73. nooccar said:
When our daughter Claire was born both grandfathers, who were totally reserved in their own stoic grumpy ways, melted... totally just melted. My wife's father is Grandpa and my dad is now Grumpy (to go with Grammy). He has embraced his new name and will never ever live it down.
74. Trish said:
My Gramma had cancer in the 70's and had one breast removed. Made me appreciate her so much more. It came back on the other side almost 30 years later and took her from us. I'm only in my 30's but I get a mammogram every year. I've found that to relieve my paranoia (at least about this), I volunteer for the Komen foundation when I can take my daughter along. Next month we're helping with the kids' race at the Mall of America. Tell Aunt Lola that we are thinking of her here in Minnesota.
75. sage said:
I have a mother and two sisters who survived breast cancer, then my mum succumbed to ovarian cancer years later. When my sister went for genetic testing, to see if she actually had a gene for cancer (I think about 10% of cancer patients have one), she was annoyed that I wasn't elated she was doing this "for all of us."
First of all, testing her genetic material has little to do with my genetic material. Whether or not she has the gene has little baring on whether or not I have it. Our DNA is similar, but not the same.
But more importantly, why would I need to know this? How would knowing I have a genetic make-up that predisposes me to cancer change the way I live? I eat well, stay fit, and get regular check-ups. Nothing can change the fact that I grew up playing on a pesticide soaked lawn, inhaling enough second-hand smoke to turn our walls brown, smothering myself in baby oil to catch more of the sun's rays, and practically living on smoked meats (nitrates are evil, apparently). And nothing, it seems, will affect the amount of pollutants filling our air, water, and food system by profit-hungry corporations.
Just my luck, I'll be walking down the street one day, fretting about my cancer history, childhood behaviours, and environmental pollutants, then get hit by a Mac truck.
This is my convoluted way of saying, try not to let it worry you! And, dammit, have another twinkie, or drink, or whatever your poison is. Everytime someone I know gets cancer, I see it as a wake up call to really soak in life as much as possible each moment of every day. As Epicurus used to say, there's no point worrying about death while you're alive, because you're still alive, and when you're dead you won't care because you're dead. So just don't worry!
76. JustLinda said:
I'm sorry about your aunt.
I have my first mammogram next month. I think I might be more scared of the boob-squish than I am of breast cancer (please, know I'm not serious but well one seems rather more IMMINENT and after all, I am LINDA, Sworn Defender of the Breasts).
Man, it's tough being a woman... just in your post alone, we have child birth, hair coloring, and breast cancer. We need some more frou-frou drinks to get us through it, I think. Sex on the Beach for EVERYONE!!! (send the bill to the guy above me)
77. Snickrsnack Katie said:
Oh my god, the SHOSHUN audio clip cracked me UP! Especially when Jon sings it in his opera voice. All I can say is, there is no way that Leta could NOT grow up to be an absolutely hysterical human being.
My little guy has always loved lotion, too. He will say "I want my skin to be MOIST!" and will giggle maniacally as we smear it on him. I don't know what it is about lotion, but it brings out the humor in children for some reason.
78. kerri said:
Thoughts and prayers and Internet Hugs! for your Aunt Lola.
I lost an aunt to lymphatic cancer years ago, and my grandpa to a rare form of stomach cancer just over a year ago. My grandma and another aunt both survived bouts with breast cancer. It is definitely scary to think about how women in my family, and family-members in general, may be predisposed to a cancerous gene, but watching my grandma and my aunt so valiantly win their battles, and hearing other amazing stories of cancer survival, fills me with hope far greater than any fear I have yet to imagine.
79. Zazzy said:
My mom had breast cancer and a radical masectomy in 1971. It was a strange time. People didn't talk about cancer. They moved away from us at church as though you could catch it. I remember being sure she was going to die because that was what cancer was.
She has been cancer free since and has never regreted the masectomy. Today there are a lot more options for reconstruction than there were then, if that's important to your aunt. It never was to mom. It never was to our family.
Over the years, I've known a lot of breast cancer survivors. Positive thoughts go out to you aunt and your family.
80. robtsou said:
So sure it sucks when you find out you have a family history of cancer but it REALLY sucks when YOU are the family's history of cancer. I'm that lucky guy who got to break the streak in our family. It's funny though once you get through it the things you remember and the things you forget. My wife just reminded me that I have 3 of the World's Smallest Tattoos. I had forgotten that they give you these little dots to help aim the radiation at your "affected areas". Anyway, it's beatable, I've seen it and I've done it for the last 3 years. Good luck to you and your aunt.
Oh, I love reading about Leta, it's like reliving when my son (who turns 4 in May) was that age. So many similarities!
Thanks! Rob
81. sage said:
JustLinda (and Dooce too) - I'm so sorry if I came across as crass. I was trying to be cheery, but apparently failed miserably. I've had so much cancer suffering in my life sometimes it helps me to be a little flippant about it - a refusal to let the bastard grind me down. I watched my mom be taken by inches, and now I've hit the magic age my sisters and mom were when they were diagnosed. But I do believe it can be a reminder to enjoy life. Clean less, play more.
Dooce, I am sincerely sorry about your aunt. It's amazing what we can survive.
82. kim from germany said:
i hope your aunt will find the strength to fight. sending good vibes that way :)
83. MyOwnBoat said:
Good God, I can't read all of these comments to see if what I have to say has been said already. Kudos to you for doing so....
When I was 25 my mother had breast cancer at 60. For a few years they subjected me to the painful-stretching-of-the-mammaries until they figured out that POST-menopausal breast cancer tended not to be hereditary. Apparantly, Heather, it is only pre-menopausal breast cancer that is the worry for the rest of that particular gene-pool.
I can't quite work out (without being a stalker) whether or not your aunt may or may not be in that category.
I work in a hospital these days and I can tell you that yearly mammograms save countless women's lives that were not saved even 5 years ago. Screening programs are key. KEY. Once you hit the age where they begin, GO. Go every year.
But, if you're aunt is post-menopausal, then don't subject yourself to mammograms past the need to check out abnormalities in your self-exams.
Having said that, breast cancer that metastases is very very bad news. Be prepared in the case of your aunt for this possibility.
But, if she's post-menopausal, look into the possibility that you may not need to worry quite yet.
(I speak from Canada so am unsure of current American belief/policy on same, we seem to be quite divided on many things, this included).
Sending good thoughts.
Jen
84. Em said:
My thoughts and best wishes go out to your aunt Lola. Cancer is a scary thing - I had a mastectomy last year: at age 28. There is no history of breast cancer in my family. However: compared to 10 years ago, compared to 2 years ago the chances of recovery are improving all the time. The treatments aren't fun but they are increasingly effective and working out how to live with the results (physical and mental) takes time.
Cancer is a funny thing: it doesn't rigidly follow rules. What I'm trying to say is: breast cancer doesn't happen to every woman who has a family history of the disease and women who don't have a family history of breast cancer are not immune. (I am the one woman in every 1500 under 30 that has had cancer - not a statistic I ever hoped to be.)
Try not to be scared: be vigilant instead. Know what's normal for you and check them (or get Jon to check them!) regularly and get anything you're uncomfortable about checked out quickly. The earlier it's found, the less radical the treatment. You've got some good things in your favour too: you've had a child, you breast-fed your child (both things that decrease your risk). There's lots of info out there - be proactive.
And remember: there is a huge community of winners out there: women who've had cancer and recovered. (and today I am one of them.)
85. Heather said:
Congrats on the new baby in the family. It must be the new baby smell that soothes the savage beast. And I, too, have a sis with disgustingly beautiful hair. If my chest wasn't bigger I would really hate her. Our prayers for your aunt to all the gods who watch over women. My mom also had breast cancer, she had a mastectomy, and when my youngest was born he would curl himself into the spot where her breast used to be. Mom said that all the junk was worth it because it meant that her Alex had a place to be comfortable.
86. minxlj said:
Our love goes out to your Aunt Lola - I hope everything goes OK with the op xxx
87. emilykg said:
love reading your site and this is the first time i've commented. i'm focusing on learning about and raising money for breast cancer research and prevention this year. my thoughts are with you. my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago too.
this may not fly with heather (and I totally understand if it doesn't), but if you would like to donate to the breast cancer cause please check out my fundraising page for the Breast Cancer 3 Day. i'm walking 60 miles and raising $2200 for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. more on my page at:
www.the3day.org/Boston06/emswalk. many thanks if you do visit and/or donate.
88. Gretchie said:
If you don't open comments after posting something as cute as "SHOSHUN!", I'll just be forced to comment here instead (btw.... September - very kewl name, hair awesome, skin amazing, and a big get-well-soon to Aunt Lola).
The Shoshun recording leaves me trembling with cuteness. And Jon has a lovely singing voice.
89. TBTAM said:
"At the same time this is bad news for the rest of the women in my family ... The magnitude of what this means for us is still unknown."
First of all, please give your aunt my best wishes for a speedy recovery. If she is anything like my many patients who have had breast cancer, she will do just fine. And if she goes for reconstructive surgery, it is amazing what they are doing these days in that area.
In this time of fear and stress, allow me to introduce some data that may or may not be helpful to you and your family. If your aunt is post-menopausal, her breast cancer will not statistically affect yours. The way I explain it to my patients is this: Every person who gets cancer is part of a family, but that does not mean that every cancer is familial. Most cancers, in fact, are not.
That said, if your aunt is premenopausal, she may carry a gene that prediposes her to cancer, and which would be in the family. Once she's throught the immediate stuff related to her cancer, she can be tested for the BRCA gene (the so called "breast cnacer gene") to see if she carries it. If she does, your mother can be tested and so on to see if anyone else has it. Given the absence of any other cancers in your family, I suspect she will not have the gene.
I don't know if this is helpful, too soon or too much info. If it is, delete it or tuck it away for a future time when you may want it. Since I am a doctor, it's what I do to deal with illness. I get clinical.
Best to your family.
90. MarathonGirlJess said:
Ditto Gretchen's comment.
Shoshun = Cutest. Child. Ever. My ovaries seriously exploded and now I must, must find a partner to make one of my own with. Thanks a LOT.
Re: this post, there's not much I can say that hasn't already been said:
Congrats on the new addition to the family...now you can get the new baby smell without the puking and the waking up in the middle of the night! Cool!
September looks fabulous, and while she does indeed have lovely skin, you don't have to kill her. You look great, too! I saw those SXSW pics.
Aunt Lola. Oh, that's tough, and so, so scary. I'll keep her in my prayers, and we can all hope for the best.
91. Blue Dog Art said:
Dear Heather,
My mom went through treatment for breast cancer last year and she is doing just fine. The best thing to do is to get a baseline mammogram and then be vigilant about monthly self-exams. Early detection is the key. Something else you might do is get involved in breast cancer awareness causes. Ironically, five years before my mother was diagnosed, I walked in the Avon (I know!) Breast Cancer 3-Day. I raised almost $5000. in pledges. Getting involved can give you and your family a way to feel like you are doing something to help your aunt as she goes through treatment. I wish you and your family the best as you go through this difficult time.
92. Joana said:
Your sister looks great! And yes, that skin should be forbidden. :)
Take good care of yourself, Heather. I think we all should.
*
93. Maniacal said:
My mother's docotor found a lump just recently, and I have been going with her for test, and Biopsies, and although I was very worried about her, I was also worried about myself and my daughter who now have our chances of Beast cancer DOUBLED just from having a mother/grandmother who had it. So far, the lump is ok....
94. Goingape said:
Sorry about your aunt, prayers for effective treatment and peace amidst the chaos.
Am I the only person upon first reading the title of this post "In a family way" thought, OMG, they're making another Armstrong?
95. Cathy said:
Heather, I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt. Breast cancer is such a scary thing and just this year my life has been touched by two women how have been fighting this terrible disease. I've decided to do the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer Research http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR?px=2308049&pg=personal&fr_id=1170
I thought perhaps you might like to donate...or ask people to donate from your website? I don't want to be pushy and I would not have asked had I not just learned that your life is being affected by this as well. I've been amazed at the number of donations I've gotten from strangers who just want to donate for someone they love.
The best of luck to your aunt. My son's babysitter is a ten-year survivor and had a mastectomy on one breast. I hope the surgery goes well and she recovers quickly.
That and I *love* shoshun. How do you record Leta? (What do you use?) My son says the best things...I can't even write down what he says for Maggie, our dog. But he's clearly calling for her.
96. Tiffany Komasara said:
I, too, know far too many young women who have battled cancer - most have survived, but still, having to suffer through multiple rounds of chemotherapy or have your breasts removed is just not acceptable. My neighbor had a single mastectomy when her daughter was 6 months old - she'd been breastfeeding at the time. Can you even imagine?
For what it's worth, I've also heard and read that genetics has become less of a risk factor; in other words, just because someone in your family has it, don't freak, and even if no one in your family has it, still be careful.
97. jamie said:
When I saw the title of this post, I thought "Dooce is having another baby". Ok, I was wrong. But I had to comment...my sister was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer about 2 1/2 years ago, and it struck me in so many ways. I was scared for her, worried for my mom, and then scared for me. We have a history of many cancers in our family (all my mom's side), my aunt died of cervical cancer, my grandmother from lung cancer, and my uncle from a rare form of thyroid. But this was my own sister! My risks went from high to MAJOR. My sister has been in remission now for about 18 months, and I go for annual tests to make sure I am still ok. So far so good, but every year my heart sinks when my ob/gyn writes the prescription for a sonogram, mammogram and a blood test. I am only 38, my sister is now 32, and I have 2 daughters that are now considered in a risk group. My thoughts and prayers are with your Aunt and your entire family.
98. angela marie said:
I know that fear, that terror. It waxes and wanes. My brother died from colon cancer before he was 30 and my sister and I found out that we have the same genetic mutation.
I will be forever sad (that doesn't even begin to cover it) that I don't get to grow old with my wonderful brother, but the knowledge that I can help prevent this disease in my four children and myself gives me power.
99. greenthumb said:
My stepmom and her family of incredible women (5) all have either had ovarian cancer or had to have Hysterectomies at an early age in order to get rid of tumor ridden ovaries. One of the hardest times in our family's life was when my mom (step) found out that the reason she was unable to become pregnant was due to this very issue. She was and is the only one who was unable to concieve. I feel so fortunate to have her as my Mom, because she took me and made me her own when a very young and insecure greenie needed it most. She is the mom I never had, she IS my mom.
I have to agree with Amanda B., A. Lola always sounded a littles sassy/fiesty and I too believe she will handle it with grace and strength, something the women in your family seem to have an abundance of.
LONG LIVE SHOSHUN!!! How does your heart and soul take so much freakin' cuteness? Oh right, it's balanced by all the demonic screaming and refusal to eat and poop. ;-)
100. Caloden said:
Dooce,
I usually stop by for a daily peek at the fun of Dooce.com. I am sorry to hear about your aunt, I hope she recovers quickly and completely from the surgery. I also happen to write for The Cancer Blog and wrote a small blurb about how one woman's cancer diagnosis affects the other members of a family.
Cutie, cute, cuteness with the Shoshun. We are entrenched in the mania of toddlerhood in our house as well. The flip side of cuteness is the insanity of a wee person who is obsessed with unrolling every roll of toilet paper and scattering it about as gifts for the other members of the household.
Enjoy!
101. Kahli said:
Paddy's mom got lung cancer in August last year. She was so not a smoker. It was an awful fall but now she is all clean and we just keep hoping it stays that way. She looks hott in her wig and she laughs when we tell her so. My mom had a breast lump removed but it was okay then she had the whole damn reproductive system removed because of cancer risks. It is troubling not knowing what array of worrisome genes we are going to send down the road with the monkeys. The puppy is sloppy and always interrupting like me and the cat is already neurotic like Pat.
Your sister looks stunning, stunning, stunning. September the Stunnah!
Best to you guys,
Kahli
102. Heidi-ho said:
Loved Loved LOVED the audio file with Leta!!! Thanks (in part) to you, my husband and I are going to try getting me knocked up.
103. julezy said:
Thank you for the Shoshun audio! It has totally made my day. I have listened to it more times that I will admit here. Or anywhere. Love it!
104. beachgirl4ever said:
My sister, Laura, had a hard time with L's as a kid. My parents were constantly getting her to say "Laura loves lemon lollipops" in order to practice them. Perhaps it would help Leta. However, shoshun is so cute, i have listened to it many times.
105. trevordlb said:
It's odd; that picture reminds me of Martha Stuart or something... I can see how her perfection would drive any woman mad...
106. Goingape said:
Since getting home from work and listening to the Shoshun sound file, my husband (waspjerky.blogspot.com) has been walking around singing "LOTION!" just like Jon in that sound file.
Be afraid.
107. poetstormy said:
I am walking 60 miles in October for several cancer survivors (check my linky). Each day of the "3-Day" we walk 20 miles, each day I am wearing a shirt with several names on it, names of people I am walking for. I am going to add "Dooce's Aunt Lola" to Day One. Cancer sucks, and I plan to kick it in it's ass! ;)
(((Dooce)))
108. poetstormy said:
My link didn't work for some reason, so here it is:
www.the3day.org/dallas06/poetstormy
109. susan @ yow said:
Poor Aunt Lola. Isn't that the Aunt you write all those hilariously funny stories about? The one who lives in a trailer? I hope all goes well for her.