oh my! what a little stinker! it's a good thing she is so darn cute!!

My parents tell a story of when my aunt came to look after me and my two...ahem...adorable sisters while mom & dad took off for a weekend.

my older sister is stubborn. with the capital S. auntie wanted her to eat her green beans for lunch. sister didn't want to. she was five years old.

she held the green beans in her mouth, refused to swallow them, and auntie refused to allow her to spit them out.

finally, in desparation, auntie called mom and asked what to do.

"how long has she held them in there"
"since lunch"
"sister, it's 7 p.m. let her spit"

i am not looking forward to these battles, i tell you.

You're on the right track, a minute for every year they're alive but..... The crib is where she sleeps; don't use it as a jail to hold her. Give her a time out area, be it her room but don't shut the door--but not a crib that's being used as a restraint/sleep area, that's her safe area.

I have a son who is very advanced for his age, he was reading and writing simple words at three (he's seven now at reads at a 7th grade level), so I know that smart kid=smart ass at times. Since Leta can speak make her tell you what she's sorry for, she can say "for hitting daddy, for throwing things etc. Then hug her, kiss her, love her and move on. It's so important to make sure they understand what they did, and sometimes they'll be so angry and full of tears they'll forget--gently remind them what they did. Trust me, people ask me allllllll the time how I got such an awesome well-behaved child, loving child. This is how.

Time to add video clips to the site, no?

My kid is 8 or 9 months younger than Leta. I fear that reading this site is giving me a look into the not-too-distant future...

But I totally think you guys were being unreasonable about the M&M's. Why don't you just starve the kid?

Man I miss the crib. Mine have a time out chair. And I leave them there until they calm down, any where from 5 - 15 minutes. It works well for my four year old. Not so well for the 20 month old. Sometimes a toddler just does not care if they are being punished or not. Good luck. You're lucky she doesn't climb out. My youngest did it at 11 months.

MT Jen - i tried this same technique as a kid
but my poison was chef boyardee spaghetti-blows
(i was (unbeknownst to me) incredibly spoiled as a child and had a stay at home mom who cooked everything from scratch, bread daily, etc.)
baby sitter forced me to eat the spaghetti-o's and in a now idiotic but then brilliant move to SHOW her, i held those bad boys in my mouth for five and a half hours until my mom picked me up
as soon as we were out the door, i promptly spit out the spaghetti-o's on the baby sitters driveway

now as a marginally reasonable adult, the thought of swallowing chef boyardee flavored saliva for five plus hours is down right revolting

and i've never eaten them since that day

there is a club for people going through what you are. it's called: EVERYONE WHO EVER HAD A CHILD

Ahh, the British bombshell is a saint in my eyes as well. Without her, I would have lost my middle child and only son a long time ago. Did you see the one last night, with the bratty book throwing girl? Give her a crew cut and that would be my Jack, flinging Blueberry Shoe to the ends of the earth. Bastard. Sorry, I digress. I also just learned from Parent(ing)s magazine that tempers are worst between 3 and 4, so Jon is right - she's totally gifted for her age. I sympathize with you, and have had my kids scream through the same dinner that they loved a week earlier. Sigh. You can't win, we just go with it. Good luck!

I think the time-out area is a perfect idea and we love Supernanny too!
Discipline seems so common sense, but everyone has a problem with it when they are confronted with their own little demons. It's nice that someone reminds you of all the things you said you would or would not to discipline your children (of course those statements are made years *before* the kids). Heck, we don't even have kids yet and were sure we can handle it. How naieve are we? Thank goodness for Supernanny! Besides, she delivers, like pizza ... hmmm pizza!

Bwahahahaha you are doomed!!!!! Leta's exactly like my daughter... just wait until she's 15.

It constantly amazes me how these little tiny people can control and manipulate us. Of course it is all forgotten when we witness them sleeping. Thus, we go through it all over again the next day!

We always used 'compromise' with our two.
The older one was about 3 and well versed with the concept and the younger one was about 18 months and not too well versed with anything so imagine my surprise when, in my trying to squeeze in another spoonful of dinner, she turned her head to the side (avoiding the spoon) then looked at me with one of THOSE looks and said "Compmise mum - one more (pointing at the spoon) - sert (meaning dessert)!" If she had said Pony, I would have lead it up the stairwell myself!!

I think a cage match between Leta and my son when he was that age would be interesting. They sound like they are on similar levels of hellishness. I can't tell you how many times I have had to check to see if I chipped a tooth from gritting them.

Before he figured out how to climb out of the crib (at 15 months, for the sake of sweet baby jeebus) we would frequently put him in time out until he, uh, fell asleep.

i am putting our crib back together for our 4 year old... then i'll also have to electrify the bars and attach a steel death cage to the top. the boy is not going anywhere.

As an infant my son always heard me tell the dog "good girl!" over and over again.

At the age of 2 he was angry that I was taking him home from the park. I held his hand as he screamed and kicked, dragging behind me. He then shouted "BAD GOOD GIRL" at me and lunged forward, sinking his teeth into the upper part of the back of my leg.

I ran in circles desperately trying to grasp him and he ran in circles behind me, latched onto my near ass only unclenching his jaw enough to howl "BAD GOOD GIRL!!" at me over and over again.

I love your Leta stories. I don't have any children (only 23), but I have 5 younger siblings and one older brother, so never think you had it hard - my parents had it worse. :)

I screamed laughter at the last line, mainly at his justification :)

Forty-five minutes...that's only forty extra minutes for my five-year-old...

The cutest ones are always the worst. I worked at a daycare and this angelic-looking blonde toddler used to pinch the boys and then burst into tears, making the boys get a time out and getting extra sympathy, to boot. I caught on fairly quickly but it was hard -- even the other mothers were horrified to see her curly blonde head in the time-out chair, and would gasp and ask why on earth she was in time-out! I wanted to reply, "For being pure evil," but of course I couldn't.

Nevertheless, I think time-outs are the best punishments; unfortunately there is a new ideology bubbling to the surface that demonizes time-outs because they are "humiliating" to the child. I hope this ideology gets stopped in its tracks, but who knows...

I use time-outs with my son, who was also a hitter, but at 4 he is much, much calmer than at 2. So this, too, shall pass. Good luck. :)

Hang in there... it won't be long before she can understand the value of bribery and blackmail. When that happens, you'll get some REAL traction. I'm not sure if Nanny 911 covers that, but if you need any pointers, you feel free to come to me, ok?

hahahah

Seriously, they do mature out of this irrational business. In fact, I'm told that any time now my oldest will be moving out of that phase. She's 22 so it's about damn time. That's all I'm sayin'.

Hey that's a pretty good idea 45 minutes but with one little add-on, a nyquil chaser. She'll be out for hours! :P

(totally kidding of course)

I feel for you both. It is times liek this when I pat myself on the back and say, "Thank you God for making me gay!" :D

I'm so glad the comments are (sort of) back.

My first son was out of his crib at 15 months, but he weighed almost 35 lbs, so what's a girl to do? Child #2 is only 22 pounds at 16 months and I suspect he might sleep in his crib until he starts to school. We have bought a bunk bed for the boys too so he needcs to sleep in his crib until we get #1 up in the top bunk...else we have to do moving of furniture and move the bunk to the floor.

As for time-out, we use it and successfully. However, you know what worked better starting about a month ago...we put toys in time-out. He has this addiction for thomas the train and when he misbehaves in minor offense, we put a train on top of the fridge in time-out and he gets them back by doing good things and behaving well. We instituted a star program and he has to get 3 stars to get one toy back. This works better than putting him in time-out sometimes. Just some thoughts..as if "the Dooce" needs my thoughts, bahahaha

In Australia there was much debate about SuperNanny's timeout technique. Main suggestions were:
1) don't make the timeout space the bed or anywhere fun
2) don't force them to say sorry as if they aren't sorry, you are basically teaching them to lie to get what they want. not good.

Choose your battles!

I do not find it monstrous that she is still in crib, because my son (20 months old) is still in his. He hasnt figured out how to climb out yet, so that is where he will stay for now. I am lucky, his tantrums are fairly mild and not to common. Good luck with it all, sounds like you are on the right track. Sending you lots of mental patience.

My son Zander is the same age as Leta (or pretty close, he turned 2 the middle of March) & he is still in his crib & has not tried climbing out at all. He is STAYING in his crib for a very long time yet. He is my 3rd child & I KNOW what happens once the crib is gone!! So keep her in it as long as you can.

I haven't done much for discipling Z. Pretty much because he isn't talking yet....but he does understand everything we are saying. He pretty much runs this house & don't ask me why. He gets what he wants for the most part!

I'm with you on the staying in the crib! We moved kid #1 to a big boy bed at 18 months because kid #2 was going to be arriving in 4 months, and let me tell you, it was WAY TOO SOON. Let's just say, he never napped again, and poop smeared walls is not fun. So with kid #2, we're waiting a lot longer. she's 2 this month, and still in her crib. She could so totally climb out, but she doesn't, and so there she stays. She loves her big brother's bed, and we have given her a little pillow because she just LOVES the fact that it makes her crib more like a "bed", and overall, I think the transition will be a lot easier for her than for her big brother, but ... you know, when she's 30.. then we can discuss it.
another perk of raising child #2 - she totally knows where time out is, and what she has to do when we tell her to go there. She knows the drill backwards and forwards and we never had to go through teaching her about it like we did with kid #1.

My son slept in his crib until he was almost 3 and a half. He, too, didn't know he could get out and I really think he also loved the security of the bars. I loved it because it was so easy to get him to take a nap. The only reason we made him switch to a bed was because he is so amazingly tall and was literally touching the ends of the crib with his head and feet. We didn't even bother with a toddler bed and went straight for a full. He's only four and he's already 4' tall - off the charts. A toddler bed would have lasted a night!

"BRING IT, PERSON WHO READILY FORGETS THAT MY INFANT LOVE IS CONDITIONAL."

and

"...and it was then that she came to the realization that we did many, many months ago: sometimes cannibalism makes sense."

Heather, you have an amazing gift!

Thanks for the laughter & insights.

I was JUST thinking to myself today that I'd like to hear about how you discipline Leta. There IS something sexy about the nanny... I think it's the way she says "naughty." Is it even possible to say "naughty" in an unsexy way?

Thanks for writing, Heather. Your site is my favorite guilty pleasure when I'm supposed to be working on English papers -- I'm sure you remember those days. You make me smile, and you inspire me to keep writing.

Hannah
Charlottesville, Va.

Hey, no guilt trips from me on the crib. My son is 2 and a half and his doctor said to keep him in the crib as long as he'll stand it. He sleeps better than pretty much any other kid we know, so we're not messing with success.

We did, however, stop using the crib as a disciplinary holding pen for some of the reasons other posters have shared. We have instead instituted the "naughty chair", which necessitates one of us holding him down in the chair most times, but I think it actually works better because it is more unpleasant for him. We've even gotten to the point where we can invoke the spectre of the naughty chair and have it change his behavior.

Of course, that's today. Tomorrow will be different.

57 comments before this one and not one suggested a good prompt swat on the behind...interesting. In fact of all the blogs, forums, and general websites that I visit this site either has the nicest visitors or it's so heavily edited that only "kiss butt" comments are allowed.

I thoroughly enjoy this site and promptly read each article as it appears in my bloglines, but for someone who enjoys freedom of topic, I hope people with opposing views aren't scared to add their opinion.

My mother-in-law says a four-year-old is like a two-year-old who knows better. Enjoy two-year-old behavior while Leta's two...otherwise you'll be tempted to stick her to a wall of velcro the whole year while she's four!

The bed and the bedroom as time-out places are usually not recommended: you don't want your kid to associate punishment and anything that is sleep related because the kid could end up with going-to-sleep issues. Also, it isn't advised to put children for time-out in a room where there are toys and distractions: you want the punishment to be as boring as it gets. Usually, with younger kid, just a naughty corner/step/chair/carpet (Supernanny did them all!) works in a place that you can watch the kid but that isn't filled with interesting stimuli. And you have to win the "battle" of enforcing the naughty corner even if it takes forever because if not, you teach the kid that struggling for long enough will get her/him out of the time-out at some point. Easily said, but not easily done, indeed, but that is what conditionning tells us! Fortunately, behavioural sciences also tells us that eventually, kids learn that there isn't a way to escape the time-out, so they do it less reluctantly (as in without their parent holding them in a headlock on the naughty step).

I don't think that your post was designed to trigger a flood of education advices (especially not from a 23 year old without kids!), but there, I couldn't resist using my developmental psychologist-to-be knowledge on this one.

By the way, Leta looks like a wonderful kid. What is her model number so I can order a similar model at the baby factory when I feel like becoming a mom?

Havanese; Well said!!

Ahhh the Supernanny. Meh. We like duct tape. Less work.

Here is hope for your future! Our 28 mos old daughter (very defiant and not afraid of anything or anyone) has been spending time out in her room - now I just say "go to your room" and she runs screaming to her room and slams her door. She hasn't figured out how to work the childproof door knob yet...so in her desire to hurt my feelings and demonstrate her anger, she has muffled the screaming I wasn't really interested in listening too anyhow. Maybe you can move Leta from a crib to a bed...child proof door locks are fantastic containment tools.

I can't see why anyone would stop using the crib until it stops being a safe and effective baby containment device. Who are these people who would be giving you shit about that?

I love Super Nanny too. But like a previous commenter, I personally have avoided using the crib as a punishment place for my kid out of fear it might make her resist going there at bedtime. I banish mine to the end of our long, long front hallway instead.

Just wanted to tell you that I find you so hilarious that, while reading this post aloud to my housemate, I had to stop after each paragraph because we were laughing so hard we couldn't breathe (and thus, I couldn't get more words out!).

Thanks for adding some fun to my day! My housemate loves it too, and she's not a regular reader (blog reading isn't much her thing), but she does love when I share something funny you've said on your blog. To the point where I just say, "know that dooce website I like?" and she starts giggling and then says, "yeah". So keep up the awesomeness!

And I think you're a great parent!

I think naughty feels good to say because it really doesn't exist (save for naughty bars) in our everyday language.

My two year old had a perfectly two year old tantrum that i photographed. It was strangely satisfying to record it that way.

Oh, and my kids will sleep in their cribs for a long, long time as well. Cribs rule!

I'm going to add my apology to you in advance for giving advice, but I have to agree with geokaz (and I do have some credentials as a parent of 3 great teenagers and a teacher for the past 10 years). When I give my seminars on communication in families, I always tell my parents that all emotions are acceptable, it's just that a lot of behavior isn't. So, requiring a child to apologize may be asking a child to express a feeling she may not really feel. What I find from kids who are disciplined like that is that sometimes what they learn is that "Sorry" makes all behavior okay. WHACK! Sorry. Whack! Sorry. etc. Feel free to be pissed off, kid, just don't hit people!

Hi Heather,

I just wanted to say that I've been reading this site for about a year now, and in my opinion it gets more entertaining with every post. You're such an engaging writer, and I laugh out loud when I read some of your stories. Thanks for bringing more humor to my day.

Heather,

Fascinated by your post on your take on Mormonism. I'm guessing you are familiar with Bill Shunn's (another former Mormon) infamous tale of "apostasy" about 8 years ago on the net.

Thank you for all of the wonderful stories. As a parent of three, and something of a student of parenting, I can't agree more with Comment 6: you musn't use a place of comfort as a time out spot. The crib is a safe place and should never be used to give consequences.

(It's not like I haven't made countless mistakes as a parent...)

Thank you again for sharing the laughs and the drama. :-)

I burst out laughing reading this. My twins are now just over 3 years old. They would still be in cribs if my son wasn't climbing out of his, into his sister's, and then screaming for help when she sat on a pillow over his head. He, of course would conviently forget how to get out. Fortunely, this particular problem has stopped now they are in actual beds. The hubby and I have often discussed Jon's thoughts and tend to agree.....depending on the current behaviors of the kids.

ahh, time out. i was introduced to this wonderful technique in '97 when i was an au-pair for five kids between the ages of 8 months and 8 years and honestly, i don't know how i would have survived the year [without taking serious damage from hitting my head in the kitchen cabinets over and over again] without it. don't get me wrong. those five - the best kids. i love them. i had an amazing and awesome year. but when they were all there, at the same time, plus three playmates and two cousins ... i'm stressed just thinking about it :)

Her bed is supposed to be somewhere where she can go to rest and relax. It should be a pleasant place, with good memories.

As much as I agree with your ways of disciplining,I think the designated area is wrong. Make it a place that she doesn't have to go to aside from when she's being the devil incarnate - not her bed.

I totally miss the crib. My boys are 6 & 4 and several times a day, I wish I had a place to contain them. Time-outs really don't work on them, but we stumbled upon 'toy time-out' as well. With them it works wonders. Duct tape also comes in real handy as well ;). Later on, you could always threaten to send her to Primary if she doesn't behave :)

I loved this line: "We are huge fans of that lovely British nanny on television who enters people’s homes and gives them permission to discipline their children."

I think that is a very good method for disciplining Leta. I am worried about how I will raise and discipline my children someday, but I think you are on the right track!

P.S. I love your header! Did you make it in Adobe Illustrator?

My caregivers never used the Naughty Corner on me as a child - they just shot straight on to emotional manipulation (of the whenever-you-throw-mushy-peas-on-the-floor-a-puppy-dies sort) instead. My grandmother used to say that if I was naughty she'd abandon me, or she'd sing me songs about how I was breaking her heart.

I was a very good and reasonable child though, and from the moment I could talk it was possible to get me to compromise and be fair.

On the other hand the-man-who-will-be-my-husband was a little nightmare and used to get put into the naughty corner quite often where he would promptly fall asleep.

Quite a few of my friends were made to kneel on corn husks to help time out make more of an impression....

I do agree with Shelly Bean. My first reaction to reading it was that the bed should not be used as the time out spot or the "naughty mat" area.
I do not have kids so really should not be giving advice but I do have a dog and I was taught the same for her. She is crate trained and if she is bad i should never put in her pen as punishment because that is her nice relaxing, safe spot and should at no time be associated with something negative.

Hi! I wanted to like SuperNanny. I really did. BUT her techniques often rub me the wrong way. And we never see updates months later on how the family is doing... most likely the kids are still pushing buttons and still getting into mischief on an hourly basis.

If you're not familiar with the work of Alfie Kohn, I HIGHLY recommend it. ("Unconditional Parenting") He speaks about honoring the child's voice in regards to their own life. How our agendas don't always match up with our children's agendas which is why there is so much conflict, etc.

I will also say, though, that I also have a tantrum thrower (and she's 6 now). I've done things in response that I'm not proud of. Who likes being hit in the face or screamed at by their beautiful child? All the advice in the world won't help if you're emotionally spent and your child is mimicking the girl from the Excorcist!

My other child is the complete opposite... easy going, more emotionally flexible, etc. It made me realize how different the personalities can be between different children!

Looks like Leta will grow up to be a strong girl with her own mind. She's gonna go far!

Sounds reasonable.

We actually have another level - naughty step and then bed.

She knows she has to sit on the step (and miraculously she does!) if she's naughty and if she still plays up then she goes straight to bed. I feel it gives me a bit of escalation possibilities! ;-)

and madly, we've only had to put her to bed ONCE, whereas the step we use often...

but then I live in the UK! ;-)

I say keep them in the crib as long as humanly possible. My son is almost 4 and started trying to climb out of the damn crib at 6 months old. Within a month I caught him perched at the top, before he was able to fall on the ground. After that he slept with me and I gave him a regular bed at a year old.

The concept of timeout is definitely good - but sometimes can backfire. I must admit I don't have my own babies yet, but I was also a somewhat... headstrong... child.

Before I left the table every evening, I was supposed to thank my mother for dinner. It was just the rule to get out of my highchair. One night, apparently I didn't enjoy dinner. So when I asked to get down, and Dad asked me, "What do you tell Mama?" I refused to budge.

Daddy, thinking he had the upperhand, decided they would leave me in my highchair till I thanked Mom for dinner - assuming a not-quite-2-year-old would break before he did.

[insert evil laughter here]

At some point in the evening, after I fell asleep upright in my highchair, refusing to even whimper at being left alone in the dining room while my parents recessed to the living room for TV and conversation, they broke down, took me out, and put me to bed.

Mom likes to tell this story as an example of two things: 1) when she figured out Daddy and I shared the exact same (stubborn) personality, and 2) when she realized I was quickly forming my own worldview and opinions that they couldn't necessarily shape. (I'm another one of those disappointing liberal children of conservative parents, for example...)

Frustrating for you, I know, that Leta is so independent and strong-willed - but I can't help thinking, ultimately, how good it will be for her, and how proud you will be of the woman she's bound to become.

God bless who ever invented the crib. My son is still in his crib (he'll be 3 in July). He has never tried to climb out of it. Every now and then I think about converting it to a toddler bed by removing the front, then I lay down until the feeling passes. It's nice to have one place to put him where I know he'll stay! As for the time-outs we use whatever corner is handy. At Home Depot one time we were in the door section, where the display doors are hanging all together, and if you part them in the middle it makes a great corner. I have a 6mo. daughter that will be entering the toddler years as my son is exiting them. If she'e anything like him, some of us may not make it. . .

Our girls (then 4 and 2) put my husband on time-out once. While driving to his parent's house, he was acting incredibly obnoxious and singing offkey at the top of his lungs, just to annoy me. So, our oldest told him to be careful, or he'd have to go on timeout. He continued, she insisted on timeout. He told her she had to remember *why* he had to go on timeout for it to work. When we got home 7 HOURS later, our oldest took him by the hand, led him to the timeout chair, and said, "Daddy Robert, you were NOT being nice to mommy in the car. You are on timeout." then to me, "Mommy, how old is daddy?" When I told her he was 30, our two year old's eyes got as big as her head, and her chin started quivering..."But, but...daddy will be in timeout FOREVER!" Priceless.

You're doing an awesome job, and I know that when our third arrives at the end of June, we'll have our hands full. The first two have been on timeout maybe a half dozen times each, and they're now 6 and 4. We just never dealt with the biting/hitting/name-calling that most people deal with. We're so gonna get it with this new one!

All I can think about is now I know why my parents spanked me. When we have children I am planning on also using the Nanny's technique, and I really hope it works. However, when I watched that little girl standing in the corner last week throwing all the books across the room all I could think of was that girl needs a swift kick in the butt. I think I need to practice my breathing techniques!! :-)

Gosh. I am so glad you posted this story. I was beginning to think that Leta is a perfect child, and I was preparing to visit Utah so I could take her back home with me.

Gosh. That sounds a little scary.

I promise, I'm not scary.

How come those British nannies are so smart? Does having a British accent automatically make a person wise in all things? What's up with that?

"How come those British nannies are so smart? Does having a British accent automatically make a person wise in all things? What's up with that?"

Yes, it does. Deal with it! (kidding obviously)

I'm somewhat surprised that you guys think her accent is sexy, but glad. Because she has a bit of an Essex accent, and frankly if that's sexy, then I am going to be very popular when I live in Virginia from August! I have that quintessential poshish British accent...

my five -- FIVE!! -- month old just started screaming at ear shattering levels to get our attention. not crying, just screaming. replace pacifier/pick up/remove toy/insert bottle, and you're rewarded with the most heart melting grin ever.

please tell me this is just a phase...

My daughter will be 2 in May. She has attempted to climb out of her crib, but I still refuse to put her in a bed quite yet! Confinment is my only source leverage with her anymore! She can attempt to climb out, but I'm always peeping through the crack in the door to be sure she's not successful.

I don't like to use her crib as her time out spot, mainly because of the climbing but also because I don't want her bed to be a bad place.

I'm tired...very very tired! Soon she'll be in a bed and I'll be a walking zoombie!

I too am in love with the Super Nanny, and take her advice.
My husband's partner at work was actually on Super Nanny! Their episode was shown in September: He's a fomer Navy Seal, now firefighter/Paramedic. She's obsessed with cleaning and dressing her three girls alike. They have 3 girls and an infant boy.

Their girls were monsters...and they are completely thankful for their experience because they are really a much happier family.

The children mind their parents and the mother has backed off on being a perfectionist!

The show makes it look like they are only with the nanny for a week, when they are actually with her for 2 weeks. The film crew is there a week ahead of time to get all of the extra footage, but then the Nanny comes.

"Sometimes, cannibalism makes sense" ... that's hilarious. I wonder if crocodiles eat their slowest offspring, or the most poorly behaved?

How do y'all feel about spanking? It worked on me when applied sparingly. But what works for one SUCKS for another...just curious.

Once when I was four my mother told me that if I tried to pick up the baby (my brother was about a week old) one more time that I would spend either a) the rest of the morning in my room if it was before noon, or b) the rest of the afternoon in my room until my dad got home from work if it was after noon. I tried to pick him up at 12:05 and my dad was late coming home from work that day. I spent the entire afternoon at the edge of the entrance to my room asking if it was time to come out yet. But, I never tried to pick up the baby again without asking my mom if it was okay.

Part of me is amazed that Super Nanny has reached the states. Part of me isn't, given how AWESOME she is. What I can't understand is you guys importing Anne Robinson to present your version of the Weakest Link. Inexplicable.

"Love and Logic" RULES for those who ascribe to the time out school of discipline. I believe in it with every fiber of my being.

We started time outs using Love and Logic (http://www.loveandlogic.com) when our son turned one. He's 20 months now, and we have been through the hitting and biting phase (succesfully quelling it through three months of constant repetition of "TIME OUT! We are NICE only, we don't hit/bite!").

Now, we can see when he's thinking about hitting, he stops before he actually gets the motion going and says to himself, "No, no! Niiiiiiiiiiiice." It's so hard NOT TO LAUGH!

It's even harder not to laugh when he self-polices, putting himself in time out for something he knows he's not supposed to do.

My daughter slept in her crib until she was 3. The only reason we finally converted to a toddler bed was that she was just getting too heavy to haul in and out of the crib. She never tried to climb out and she slept great — so why fix what ain't broke!

She loves to watch those nanny shows with us. We take great pleasure in the badness of the kids on the show. She loves to say things like, "I'm never that bad ... am I?"

Yeah, we like to bond at the expense of others.

Super Nanny Rocks!

My good friend and I watch that show (and BIRTHday and other birthing shows) as a means of birth control.

Seems to be working, we've never gotten pregnant!

I think my favorite parts of the show are usually when the child is running around and the parent is completely incapable of catching them and in a moment of sheer frustration looks at Jo-Jo and says, "NOW what am I supposed to do?!"

Let the kid run in the street.

A little head to SUV bumper action should teach him pretty quickly.

Kidding..........sort of.

LOVE DOOCE!!!!

Hell, I'd use a crib to give my husband a time out if it was socially acceptable. God knows I have to ask for an appology sometimes. Or vice versa.

Think the nanny can invent a five-step program for spouses?

Bwahahhaha! I love the "let's add 45 minute" comment. How I love me some Super Nanny and the super sexy British accent. Oh yeah. Too bad it's on Friday nights now when I'm in class. :(

The Nanny 911 lady is absolutely amazing - and her suggestions are so simple it is amazing it took this long for her to have her own show. My 16 month old niece is in the tantrum phase already, and we have come to the conclusion that she may never stop with the tantrums. You can just look at her the wrong way and she goes into spastic fits wherein she arches her back, throws her head back, plummets to the floor, and starts screaming bloody murder. Then after a while, she is back to her normal self, all smiley and chirping and singing, as though nothing happened. We do everything we are supposed to - put her on the couch to sit for one minute, but damn it one minute is NOTHING and she is still screaming at one minute.

That is great Leta is still in a crib - my niece crawled out of it and onto her changing table last month and is already in the toddler bed. It makes me sort of sad, really! So relish this time wherein Leta knows nothing about how she can escape the crib! You are so lucky!

I haven't seen the Supernanny, but the woman who babysits our two-year-old does and she's passing things on to me by example. She's the "good" mom in our relationship. See I would have given Leta the M&Ms right from the start ... but then again I know there is no end to the battles - if it wasn't the M&Ms it would have been the not wanting to leave the television by itself battle, the not wanting to take a bath battle or the not want to get in the carseat battle. It sounds like you are choosing yours much better than I am choosing mine.

Ha! I think my parents need to see this post. It might make them feel better about the fact that when I was 5, I punched my dad in the stomach when he wouldn't let me have 'Nilla Wafers for dinner (he'd tapped me lightly -- his version of spanking -- and I said, "you don't hit me!!"). After I punched him, though, I apparently looked horrified and went to hide in my toybox in my closet. When I left the room, my mom said that her and my dad laughed until they cried and that my dad said, "well, nobody's going to fuck with her, I guess".

My middle child, and only girl, HATED her crib. She didn't even get to the climbing out stage because every night when we put her to bed she'd projectile vomit all over it. We'd go in seconds after hearing the eruption and she'd be standing there with a big smug smile on her face and her arms stretched up, ready to be picked up.

This little power struggle didn't last long before we let her have a Big Girl Bed in her brother's room. She never puked in bed again.

I am SO afraid of what 14 is going to bring....

Heather,

You SHOULD NOT have written that Leta has not attempted to get out of her crib yet. Because you've now jinxed yourself and you'll be writing in about a week telling us about the drama of transitioning her to the big girl bed.

At my dd's 2nd birthday/well child check up I smugly told the doctor that we didn't have her in a big bed because she'd made no attempts to get her out of her crib thus far. Within the week she started climbing out and falling into a heap on the floor. So we had to move her. But I was ready to let her stay in that crib until adolescence if she wanted to.

Our transition to a twin bed was smooth and effortless. All that worry for nuthin. Here's hoping the same happens for you!

Jess

Welcome to the world of parenting girls, Dooce ; ) My daughter is almost 4 and it shows no signs of improving. For the record, she JUST got a toddler bed. We kept her in a crib for over 3.5 years!!! I adore your parenting as it is so like mine, LOL!

three words: REMOVAL OF TOYS.
Time outs stopped working my (now) four year old grew out of her crib.
when ever she is bad, I tell her she doesn't act like a good girl, she doesn't deserve her toys, and take them away. (I put them in a garbage bag for drama then hide them for a week until she is good).
one week she was so bad, that she only had 3 stuffed animals left. thats when it started working.
all I have to do now is say "I am getting the garbage bag" and she smartens up, usually. it also gets her cleaning her room. like a charm.

My little loved one (almost 2) throws her arms in the air and then her head, falls to her knees and then lays on her belly pounding the floor with her fists. I imagine her saying, mama, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? I haven't tried time out yet, but I just go into the other room and usually she gets distracted by something else. I am amazed by my tolerance for load pitched wailing. When my Mom would call timeout she would lock herself in her room and us kids would knock on the door and plead for her to come out. Don't you feel like you are making the whole parent thing up each and every day? I love Supernanny, although when my sweet one watches it with me, I am afraid she will pick up some "naughty" habits.

All I have to say is that once I have children I'm running to you and your husband for advise!!!! And that is NO JOKE!

So hilarious ;) Who cares if she's in the crib until she's 20 - don't 'fix' something if it isn't broken. My social worker self has to put in to find a different spot for time out or else you're going to be looking at sleep issues as well. . .she'll start making associations with her bed=time out. . . .good luck!

We use the utility room as a time-out spot. It's totally uncomfortable and boring in there. They hate it! I don't use their room for time outs because I want them to associate it with happy times.

My husband thinks the supernanny is kinda sexy too.

My friend slept in her crib until she was five or six years old: for two reasons; she was tiny though nimble and could climb out whenever necessary; they were poor.

There's certainly nothing cruel about it.

Who would give you crap about her being in a crib at TWO?!?!?!!?

I had to forcibly evict my son from his when he turned 4, telling him that the sticker on the bottom said it was only for ages three and under.

I say until she's crawling out of it, enjoy the peace.

I'll never ever get tired of saying it: children, even adorable ones like Leta (I know my personal though not self-made Leta) are and become whatever their parents are and inflict on them. If you expect her to behave, she will. If you expect her to be spoiled, she will. Beware of what you wish.

Ohh, I have a bit of a crush on Jo Frost - in a strictly platonic way, of course. When she was first on TV in the UK, we watched avidly as she coached and cajoled the parents into doing things her way. There was one especially good bit where one little girl got out of bed about 35 times in a row, and each time the mum put her right back again. By the end, her hair was standing up on end and she looked slightly high.
'Well done!' Jo said warmly to her, and that was when I thought, I'm hiring a nanny when I have kids. Yes indeed.