They're letting <i>anyone</i> write a children's book these days
I found these books in a toy store up the street yesterday and took pictures with Jon's cameraphone. Then I saw this board game:
And turned it over to find this on the back of the box:
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FM Living
Karen Rani said:
Dear God. Those can't be real. But the pictures look so real. Are they real? Too freaking funny. I saw a fake one once titled, "You're the reason Daddy drinks." LOL!
03.29.06 - 03:36 PM / 1Karen Rani said:
Okay I took a closer look. I'm a tool. Photoshop City.
03.29.06 - 03:37 PM / 2Maiken said:
What??!! Oh, no was this an early April Fools gag? I fell hook, line, and sinker! Thanks for the laughs, Heather.
03.29.06 - 03:40 PM / 3Rosie Smosie said:
I don't beileve you...those are crazy!!! It made me laugh though which is great since I am sick right now!!
I love reading your blog I wish i could do as well as you. I have been trying to work from home sice my first child was born now she is 4.
03.29.06 - 03:44 PM / 4laurabecker said:
oh, you had me fooled too - and laughing in horror and glee. awesome.
03.29.06 - 03:44 PM / 5Karihun said:
ohhh those sound like some fun reads... I bet my eight month old would love them! lol
03.29.06 - 03:46 PM / 6Mixed Up Confusion said:
The sad thing is that some of the real titles are just as bad.
03.29.06 - 03:47 PM / 7Moxie said:
I'll have you know I am proud to have authored the 5th book. I feel it is my devine duty to shatter the illusions of parents-to-be. My new parenting book will be out soon: Stumphumpers - Explaining Amputation To Your Children
03.29.06 - 03:50 PM / 8Lori said:
Too, too funny. People are staring at me now.
03.29.06 - 03:51 PM / 9Jeni said:
Ha! Nice work!
Here is a real book that I found in Salem, MA at a wiccan store (that only played smooth jazz from the station MAGIC 101 - kid you not):
_The Right Touch: A Read Aloud Story to Prevent Sexual Abuse by Jody Bergsma_
This is a picture book for kids about sexual abuse with WEIRD elf-like drawings and completely inappropriate examples (e.g., The mother in the book is trying to explain to her son how sometimes there are bad touches that aren't sexual and uses this example, (paraphrased) "You know how sometimes when you're on the play ground and kids ask you to close your eyes and open your mouth and then they put a big worm in it?. . .“) AND THAT IS THE NON-SEXUAL TOUCH.
The innuendo is pretty incredible through out the book, for example the mother also says “you know how you like it when I nibble on your ear at bedtime . . . “ trying to explain a good, loving touch from an adult.
Obviously, child sexual abuse is terrible, but this book just confounds me.
03.29.06 - 03:54 PM / 10Meepers said:
Ha! Heather! Jon! Thanks again for another laugh. Now that is Exactly what I've always wanted to see in a kids' book - a bit of reality. How about another one...
All Dogs Go to Heaven...Fido Just Took the Bus
Or ... One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Dead Fish
That's NOT a Wocket in Uncle Charlie's Pocket
Oh, the Places You'll Go! (As Soon as Mommy finishes her 13th Manhattan)
Green Eggs and Ham (Come From Sick Cows and Chickens)
03.29.06 - 03:57 PM / 11JC said:
nicely done.
03.29.06 - 03:58 PM / 12Hannah B. said:
And in the dictionary next to gullible you'll find a picture of me.
03.29.06 - 04:01 PM / 13Hannah B. said:
And in the dictionary next to gullible you'll find a picture of me. I was thinking, "WTF?!" Thank goodness for comments.
03.29.06 - 04:01 PM / 14Lisa V said:
I have the prequel to "I lost my Dad..." it's called "I Lost My Mom to Strip Club Where She Found Herpes."
03.29.06 - 04:06 PM / 15Lisa V said:
I have the prequel to "I lost my Dad..." it's called "I Lost My Mom to Strip Club Where She Found Herpes."
03.29.06 - 04:06 PM / 16duchessjane said:
Brilliant! I love it. Although I do agree with the previous comment that some real titles are just as bad.
03.29.06 - 04:07 PM / 17Lisa V said:
Jesus only morons hit post twice.
03.29.06 - 04:07 PM / 18omar said:
Someone really should write that syphilis book. Gotta be a market for it somewhere...
Hey, didn't it used to say "copyright 2001-2006 Heather Armstrong" in your footer?
"Armstrong Media, LLC"? Is this what the lawyer was about? Did you already tell this story and I missed it?
03.29.06 - 04:08 PM / 19Chickie said:
"I Lost My Dad To Syphilis" really helped me get through a trying time.
03.29.06 - 04:08 PM / 20angrykeyboarder said:
These are the funniest damm things I've seen in a while.
Where on earth (in Salt Lake I'm assuming) did you come across them? :-)
03.29.06 - 04:09 PM / 21Gora_Kagaz said:
haha...those are funny!
03.29.06 - 04:10 PM / 22Kristine said:
LOL!!
And hate mailers pick on YOU?
Okay, so which one did you buy??
03.29.06 - 04:14 PM / 23mayberry_blonde said:
awesome
03.29.06 - 04:16 PM / 24Kristine said:
Nooooo. not fair. IT IS NOT APRIL FIRST YET!
03.29.06 - 04:19 PM / 25Vaguely Urban said:
Awesome. They remind me of that old SNL sketch about the new line Hallmark cards for every occasion/sentiment.
My favorite: "I'm Sorry Your Daughter's A Lesbian"
03.29.06 - 04:21 PM / 26jes said:
I totally think you're lying. Please purchase copies and send them to me.
03.29.06 - 04:27 PM / 27Vaguely Urban said:
Awesome. They remind me of that old SNL sketch about the new line of Hallmark cards for every occasion/sentiment.
My favorite: "I'm Sorry Your Daughter's A Lesbian"
03.29.06 - 04:27 PM / 28Kate said:
Hah! You funnay.
03.29.06 - 04:30 PM / 29Giselle said:
I need that last one for my library. Maybe it would give the teens something to do besides make babies in the bathroom stalls.
And I'm only half kidding.
03.29.06 - 04:35 PM / 30