We used the Ferber program after seven months of nursing every hour or two all night long. It was AGONY. But, it worked. It took about 5 nights, if I recall, most of which I spent weeping on the living room floor as I listened to my son scream.

Then, when he'd go through a growth spurt, or a teething bout, we'd have to start from scratch it seemed, but it wouldn't take as long. He never was a good sleeper, and truth be told he was up at least once a night til he was two, but that was a VAST improvement. That I could live with...

He's always been a good pooper though, and a good eater. So I figure every kid has something.

I wish I had done this with my middle child. With my first, I hovered over her constantly. I was only 20 and I was clueless. So I just didn't sleep a lot. But she did. My middle one wanted to visit all night. I really thought I was going to lose my mind. However, when my third child came along, I took to the let him scream theory; primarily because I was just flat worn out by that time. It is SO hard not to get up for a screaming baby. However, between 4-6 months, they don't need to eat that often, especially at night. So yeah, letting them scream totally works. I just wish I had known this with the first two. It took about 2 weeks but then he slept a good 8-9 hours.

We did essentially the same thing with both our kids. It worked for us too. I agree with the not going in an out bit. It does make it worse for everyone. It took a little longer to accomplish with our first, our daughter but with our son it was even easier. Both kiddos went from co-sleeping and eating at the all-night Deli (i.e. Me - Mom) to sleeping peacefully in their crib. Our Daughter is 3.5 and STILL takes a 2-hour nap. How great is that?! Bedtime is 7pm and wakeup is 7am, like clockwork.

Thanks for braving the landmines, yet again. The world needs honest people like you.

Oh yeah - and we never gave either of them pacifiers ever. Not sure why we were lucky enough to get away with it but we did. We paid for it in other ways but I think in the long run it avoided all kinds of other battles.

My daughter was sleeping all night by 4 weeks. (ALL LUCK no parenting skill involved) Then she lapsed at about 6 months. I did something similar, but I started sitting on the floor...then by the doorway...the out of sight. I wanted her to know I was there, but it was not time to get up. Seems so easy looking back, but I remember silently sobbing with my hand through the crib spindles rubbing her back... sobbing on the floor outside her room fighting the urge to scoop her up. Within a week the pattern seemed to work. As she got older if she did cry in the night I would rub her back but not pick her up. So many of my friends have "family beds" ...it just didn't work for me. Even now she is 6 and the few times I have let her in my bed (sick, bad dreams) she always finds her way back to her bed. The downside of this is she NEVER falls asleep unless in a bed. Not in the car ((even when I got her up at 4:30 am to go to travel 10 hours to St. Louis...even in front of a movie if I am sick or she has a sleep over) Rereading this post I feel like I sound COLD...I feel like I have to prove how much I love my daughter and nurture her on many levels....and give in to her other ways ...but it's what worked...and I am sure my next baby won't sleep for years and everything I said will backfire!

Heather, so glad you wrote this. We just recently resorted to a version of "cry it out" with our 11-month-old son, with good results. He wasn't getting up more than once or twice a night, but when he did wake up, even nursing him wasn't enough to get him back to sleep (this used to be my failsafe method!). After a few weeks of dealing with him waking for an hour or two at a time, a couple of times a night, a few days a week, we were desperate. Clearly our son is old enough to sleep through the night without nursing or any other intervention from us. I thought about trying the "No Cry Sleep Solution," but when I read that the NCSS fall-back plan is whatever you used to do to put your child to sleep (you know, my failsafe that wasn't working anymore??), I knew we had to go another route.

So we let him cry. An hour and a half the first night, an hour the second night, maybe half an hour the third night, and nothing more than occasional whimpers since then when he awakens briefly before falling back to sleep. It was a brief hell, thankfully, but it is still hell to listen to your child screaming at the top of their lungs for that long. I dreaded going into his room that first morning, until I saw that my son was none the worse for wear--in fact, he'd gotten more sleep than on the nights we went to him and tried to soothe him down, so he was happier and more rested than usual. And he certainly doesn't seem to be any less attached to us, or less trustful.

I swore, before I had a kid, I'd never try the "cry it out" method. I also said I'd never have my baby in my bed, but we ended up cosleeping the first 2 months because my son was dead-set against the bassinette. The biggest thing that parenting has taught me is that no one approach has all the answers, and you have to do what works for you, regardless of what others might think.

Now that my son's sleeping consistently through the night, I need to work on naps. (as in, getting him to nap on the weekends without me sleeping right next to him) Wish me luck!

I have a four year old little girl. For the first few months of her life she refused to eat more than 1 ounce every hour. I remember vividly sitting on the edge of the bed, having not slept for weeks, crying "Please....let's just sleep for four hours!" Thankfully it didn't last very long. We still struggle getting her to go to bed at bedtime (I guess we need to be more of a hard-ass). It's slowly getting better. I think being strict about it is the key....now if I could just follow through....

We practiced cospleeping with my daughter, now 18 months.

(talk about a landmine)

When she would stir I'd nurse her back to sleep. So many people were unsupportive, would say "you'll never get her out of your bed", etc. Well, she eventually did get out of our bed, and she is able to get to sleep without nursing. I have no regrets. I actually quite enjoyed having her nestled next to me. And she slept like a champ from the very beginning. More importantly, it let ME sleep. I really believe that those first few months post-partum are traumatic enough for a new mother, certainly for me. I did see any reason to compound that with sleep deprivation and a pissed-off baby. When the time finally came to wean and sleep train her, of course there were tears. But by then, I was emotionally prepared for them.

Anytime the topic of a second child comes up, I think "I have to, for no other reason than to put to use everything I learned from our first child."

Congratulations on following your heart on what's best for your child. That is one of the hardest parts of parenthood.

Oh so good Heather - a lovely post. Dr. Wisebottom became our favorite as well. So much of what he writes was, for us, counter-intuitive.

We had been keeping the baby up in the hopes that she would get really tired and sleep longer - all wrong, wrong, wrong. We now put her to bed at the same time each night and before she is exhausted. This resulted in some screaming episodes, but now she curls up and looks forwrd to the restful time in her cozy nest. She sleeps 10.5 hours per night and has 2 naps per day. Her parents are so very happy and well-rested.

My first baby slept all the time with no help from me. I really congratulated myself on that one. Then came my second. I tried everything with her, including that healthy sleep habits book, which traumatized me since it basically said if your baby doesn't sleep enough her brain cells will rot and she will become a diabetic emotionally scarred adult--and NOTHING I DID would get my daughter to sleep. As she got older she gradually got better and better and yet still at 11 months old she was waking up once or twice a night to nurse. Eventually one morning when she woke up at 4 am per usual, I had hate it and just let her scream. Which she did for 2.5 hours. SCREAMED! I thought the neighbors were going to call the cops, and they are friends of ours. Anyway, the next morning she screamed for 45 minutes. The next morning it was 20 minutes, and that was basically it. Now she sleeps about 11 hours per night (depending on when her brother wakes her up) and takes a 2-3 hour nap every afternoon.

I do think the sleep discussion is so charged because every baby is different and responds to different strategies differently.

It really bothers me that people would tell you how to parent your child, or that you would feel nervous about posting what's going on in your life because of internet trolls. I'll kick their ass. ;)

I adore your blog, and your photos. Thanks for making me laugh almost every day.

My kids started off sleeping fine, but when my son moved to a "big kid" bed he had a relapse. He started coming in to our room and either wanted to get in bed with us or wanted me to take him back to bed. It could happen up to 4 or 5 times per night! In a desperate attempt to break the bad habit, I made him walk back to his bed - by himself. He screamed the whole way, screamed himself back to sleep. It was a rough 2 weeks, but he did it! We did it!

I don't have children but I used to nanny and I have tons of nieces and nephews. I believe the parent has to take control by not thinking they need to attend to every cry of their baby. My sister had a hard time with her son, she had to go to bed at 8:00 or 9:00 pm at night just to get her son to go to bed too. I told her that was "utterly ridiculous". I had to watch him for a week while she was on a vacation and I had him going to bed on his own in two days by letting him cry. It was painful to not go in and comfort him, but it worked and now my sister can go to bed a a normal adult time.

Let em' cry I say.

Wonderful information, Dooce. I am printing this out and I am going to save it for when I have children.

I hope you and Jon have a fantastic weekend. :o)

Heather,

I appreciate your honesty so much. Thank you for being so real.

My dd is 3 1/2. We never had sleep issues like you described, so I can't sympathize with you on that level.

You have to do what works for you, as you've already realized. To hell with the experts and the books that tell you not to do this, or to do that. I went back to work at 6 weeks and our dd slept in our bed. We were breastfeeding so it just made the most sense for us. We were able to sleep well together, and she made the transition to her crib smoothly. I never felt like a zombie. Many people will regale moms with the horrors of having kids sleep in beds. We said "screw them all" and did our own thing. And it worked for us.

It seems raising Leta has been a bit of a challenge. I know people who had challenging first children, then the most easy, laid back second babies. One friend's second (breastfed) son was sleeping 12 hours per night at 2 months. If you and Jon have another baby, I'll hope that's what happens for you!

Jess