1. An acute case of paranoia actually comes in quite handy.

2. There is at least one brand-named coffee shop within just .2 miles of any point in this city, and each and every employee behind the counter is good-looking enough to bone, not that you necessarily would, but you could.

3. Homeless people on Fairfax smell like pizza.

4. Newscasters are required to have great tits.

5. No one cares what time you show up for work, what you wear to work, or if you call your boss "Dude".

6. You don't have to walk anywhere.

7. Winters consist of chilly 60-degree pockets of shade, with the occasional shower of bird poop bombs.

8. The neighbor across the hall who calls herself a "serious actor" is going to be unemployed much, much longer than you.

9. That cop is more interested in chasing down Andy Dick than he is in pulling you over for speeding.

10. Ozzy Osbourne lives here.