Teaching Our Daughter About Her Cheeseburger
When I was a child I knew the proper terms for the sexual anatomies of both girls and boys and wasn't afraid to remind my grandmother to wash my vagina when giving me a bath. My grandmother, however, couldn't believe she had raised a son who could in good conscience teach his own kids to use such foul language. Oh the horror of her grandchild uttering PENIS! You might as well arm your kids with a gun and teach them how to shoplift! Penis is of course the gateway drug to felony misdemeanor.
At the age of four I was also under the impression that the penis was also called a delicate. The only way I could get my then seven year old brother to stop tickling me was to kick him in the delicate. It worked every time! My father had to pull me aside and tell me that boys had delicate parts and that I could permanently injure my brother's delicate if I kept kicking him there. Years later when I was able to spell I noticed that the washing machine had a delicate cycle, and I could not for the life of me figure out how boys could detach their penises to wash them in the washing machine. And where was the vagina cycle? I wanted to detach my vagina and stick it in the washing machine.
Jon's mother also taught him the proper terms for his anatomy, but when she taught him that a vagina was a vagina he thought she said China. For years he would silently gasp when anyone referred to the country or to the tableware, and once when he was at his friend's house and his friend's mother began singing "China Girl" he COULD NOT BELIEVE this woman was openly talking about her China. Thank God his mother didn't sing about her China.
Jon and I are struggling with what we're going to call Leta's anatomy when she's old enough to start talking about it. I do want her to know that she has a vagina, and we will teach her all the medical terms pertaining to her AREA, but when we talk about it casually, I think that calling it a vagina will get tiring. Vagina is such a laborious word. It's got three distinct syllables and you almost have to chew the word to get it out. What we're looking for is something cuter. Vagina is not cute.
We also have to consider the fact that whatever we teach her to call it will have its meaning completely altered in her mind. If we teach her to call it her PARTS then whenever she hears the word PART she'll either be mortified or she'll chuckle wickedly. The ultrasound technician called it a CHEESEBURGER, but I don't want her to have to think about her vagina every time she pulls up to a drive-thru.
Some terms we've considered:
Bug
Parts
Area
There
That place
Um, you know (and then pointing in the general direction)
Poogie
Bottom System
I honestly can't believe I'm asking this, but what did you call your parts when you were a kid?
(comments now closed)
You must have a dooce® Community account to leave a comment.
If you've already registered, login.
If this is your first time posting here, snag a free account.


Sharon said:
Wow! Lots of comments on this one! I am american but have lived in sweden for the last 8 years. Here in sweden a penis is formally called a penis but with children referred to as a "snopp". My daughter wondered why there was no other name for a vagina so she invented her own. We now refer to a vagina as a "snipp". Now friends and family have adopted her "friendly vagina name".
04.12.04 - 02:03 AM / 1jenny said:
cooch
coochie
your privates
04.12.04 - 02:09 AM / 2Sinta said:
I like the word "poogie" it sounds cute :) My darling, just reading your entry from over my shoulder, decided to make that my pet name. ^_^
04.12.04 - 02:12 AM / 3Jess said:
I always called mine a "pee-pee," and when I had to go potty I had to "tee-tee" I was never even told what to call a "man part" but that didn't matter because I'm sure I thought all people were the same. I love reading your blog, by the way. :)
04.12.04 - 02:13 AM / 4Michelle said:
Being in Australia our fanny is different to your terminology of it.....so my girls call it there fanny, well the younger ones do now, not the teen.
04.12.04 - 02:21 AM / 5Eva said:
It was always "down there". Now my girlfriends and me calls it Julia. It is like another friend of ours to us :) /don´t mean to offend anyone called Julia of course/
04.12.04 - 02:22 AM / 6Pixie said:
My 20 month old already runs around yelling 'look at my willy!' and then pointing at mine saying 'there's mummy's willy' so am going to have to explain sooner than I thought lol! I vote for Willy and Gina (pronounced like china)
04.12.04 - 02:24 AM / 7Leah said:
I'm pretty sure my mom just taught me to call it "vagina." When I was three, I would introduce myself with my name and end with "and I have a vagina!" Family friends still tell that story to everyone!
However, I do know that my mom referred to boys differently. When she told me what to do if a strange man tried to touch me, it was "kick him between the legs" even tho I really *really* wanted to "kick him in the head"
04.12.04 - 02:41 AM / 8Amy said:
I grew up in a family where girls had "deedilos," and believe me, when sex-ed rolled around in 7th grade, my sisters and I were all mighty confused. We decided to go with "private parts" or "privates" for our 4 year old daughter. "Privates" has the advantage of being common (no misunderstandings from babysitters, teachers, or doctors), reinforcing our family policy of "nobody else gets to touch you there/it's fine for you to touch yourself when you are alone" and the whole idea of privacy, and is something you don't cringe to hear the current state of bellowed across a crowded public space.
04.12.04 - 02:42 AM / 9liz said:
girls "privates" were called something like a chupka. my family was from poland, so I always assumed that was the proper polish word for "vagina." now that I think about it, though, maybe it was a slang/curseword. or maybe it wasn't polish at all.
04.12.04 - 02:59 AM / 10candyk said:
i grew up in south africa and my "front bum" was called "cookie", which could pose a bit of a problem in the states (choc chip cookies and all that).
i still like cookie though!
:0)
04.12.04 - 03:02 AM / 11Liz said:
my parents used "tee-tee" (girls) and "tee-jay" (boys)-- was very confused the first time i saw a TJ Maxx store!
i like girl bits, coochie, or cha-cha
04.12.04 - 03:03 AM / 12Angela said:
Grandma: This is your beHIND, and this is your beFRONT...
04.12.04 - 03:06 AM / 13Erikah said:
In my family we went with Bits for the most part, although Privates and Parts were both used once in a while. I don't know why everything had to be plural.
04.12.04 - 03:08 AM / 14kat said:
VULVA! fun to say, plus it is NOT a vagina, it includes a vagina, of course, but there are several other important aspects....can't forget the clitoris!! don't you want your daughter to know it's there? later, i mean? much later? plus, you don't want her to think she pees from her vagina, the way i did. these are separate things. we say "private parts" when other people are around, but it has been vulva with my daughter since she could say it.
04.12.04 - 03:12 AM / 15jalepee said:
flower! =D
04.12.04 - 03:14 AM / 16Kelly said:
Unfortunatly not as clever, my family called it the Pee Pee Thing. We coined this term for the males and females in the family kowing that all girls had the same thing and all the boys had a different thing.
04.12.04 - 03:18 AM / 17lara said:
It was always just "down there,' for me, although my mother called my rear end my "moony," which still cracks me up. Why that?
My best friend called hers her "cookie," which presented many issues later in life.
the little boy I sit for now calls his his "peenee," but can also say the word "testicles." nice.
04.12.04 - 03:20 AM / 18scarlettbgonya said:
My mom always referred to it as my "tootie", but I wanted to use the term I'd heard the neighbors use: "loosy-goosy". Of course, all those "loosy-goosy"'s got pregnant before they graduated from high school, so really, it's a judgement call.
04.12.04 - 03:21 AM / 19cubicalgirl said:
When I was a kid my vagina was referred to by my mother as a "tussy" (which was also the name of a brand of deodorant--was she trying to tell me something?). My brother's penis was a "berry". I don't think I learned the proper names for things until middle school when we had sex ed. It was in this class that I learned one of my favorite names for the penis, supplied by a classmate: "Mr. Mike". Needless to say, that boy spent the rest of the 7th grade going by the nickname Mr. Mike.
04.12.04 - 03:23 AM / 20David said:
Ummm, maybe it's been said already (Dear god that's a lot of comments) but how about "dooce"? No offence intended... but it's personal, unique and quite frankly, a nice tribute.
04.12.04 - 03:49 AM / 21Beth said:
I was taught to say Winnie, but the neighbor girl said Francine.
04.12.04 - 03:49 AM / 22Dyanna said:
My mother called it a 'pong-pong' and my brother had a 'ping-ping', however, my friend calls hers her 'hoo-hoo' and her son's the 'wa-gee'.
04.12.04 - 03:50 AM / 23Stacy said:
My mom taught us to call it our P.B. I have no idea what it stands for, but I still feel weird when some one offers me a pb&j. My dad's daughter called it her "scrotch".
04.12.04 - 03:56 AM / 24j. said:
Padoodle-do. Not any shorter, but a lot more fun to say.
04.12.04 - 04:05 AM / 25d said:
a friend of mine calls it her twinkle.
04.12.04 - 04:06 AM / 26heather said:
thanks to rathergood.com's nasty hedgehogs: axewound, spampurse.
we called it our "cooty" growing up. now, i call it my "stuff".
04.12.04 - 04:10 AM / 27giddy said:
We are struggling with this with our 4-year-old daughter now....what I dislike about vagina is that, while it is the analagous part to the penis, it is not what you see when you first look nor what you are washing in the tub. So vulva or labia seem more appropriate, but won't people think you're weird for using THOSE terms? When I was little we didn't really call it anything. With our gal we mostly just talk about washing "the bathroom area," which includes her "bottom" (which only refers to the backside at our house) and her "front." We've told her about her vagina, as well as about her urethra, but when it comes to bathtime we're really more concerned about washing off the pee and poo residue so "bathroom area" seems ok!!
Incidentally, my husband and his 2 brothers grew up snickering whenever they heard "pickles" being referenced, and my dad still has the same reaction to "noodles."
Other terms used in the local parlance of our crowd are "cookie" (for girls) and "cracker" (for boys), but we've chosen not to go with those for obvious reasons.
A related question--what about farts? What are you going to call those? We like "toot."
04.12.04 - 04:14 AM / 28mel said:
chaka, bits or the girl.
04.12.04 - 04:23 AM / 29Sara said:
On the off chance that you can possibly read this far:
Wooter = Penis (derived from peter)
Wootus - Vagina (derived from uterus)
courtesy of my sister-in-law and her kids!
04.12.04 - 04:25 AM / 30