ROTFLOL!!

Some of those comments were hilarous. Working in a field where I sometimes hear comments like this from people taking the craziest thing and blowing them out of proportion, comments like these are funny. Because I see you are trying to not take it personal.
Heck, it is your blog, write all you want - we have a chance to decide if we read it.

Thanks for writing,
Empress4

I'm so glad that you can laugh at these emails. People SCARE me, I'm tellin' ya.

Thanks for posting your hate mail, it was very amusing to read. I think this is the best way to deal with them.

That was a lame comment but I had to make it because I need to STAND UP for non crazy Mormons!!!!!!1one

Haha, I'm a big fan of your website Leta stories are too cute and I'm glad you talk about the good and bad times. I also approved of the coverage of the AWESOME 2nd coming. You don't make fun of things in a vicious or undeserving way.

Haha, so hi, I'm Mormon and I like Dooce. You should make t-shirts and I'll wear it around the Y...or to sacrament meeting? Hopefully I won't be kicked out. ;) But just to be safe, I'm using a fake name.

People. Get. A. Sense. Of. Humor. Already.

Heather, Heather, Heather. You make my day woman. You have the balls to say what us look-at-what-I-baked-today-
and-how-well-behaved-my-children-are-moms can't say on our blogs because we are too busy shutting the windows before beating our children.

Thanks for making me smile once again.

c'mon! if you didn't piss people off you'd be so.....vanilla. Who wants to be vanilla? I don't think it's the finest of the flavours.

Well... you light up my day, every day :-)
And I hope you get FILTHY RICH from all these adds, you deserve it for entertaining me!
Next time when you get a mail like that just try breath in, breath out, delete.
I think you're great!

I saw the first piece of mail up there from Jennifer W. and nearly had a heart attack. I happen to BE a Jennifer W., just, thankfully, not THAT Jennifer W.

I don't know how you do it, honestly. But I'm so very glad you do. If you get this much malcontented interaction, I can only imagine how vast the goodness must be.

Besides, an I Hate Dooce club? It's official. Woman, you are now a certified superstar.

Fucking love it.
Love all of it.
Love the most that these losers have so much time on their hands that they write hate-mail to total strangers about fire and damnation and kids' hairdos.
(Speaking of hairdos, though, I was looking at old daily photos and I LOVE the Leta hairdo with THREE pigtails. One on the left, one on the right, and one, sitting perfectly on top. So much easier to grab her that way no?

Wow.
It is so amazingly obvious that the majority of these so-called "hatemails", or, as I like to call them, "jokes", are written after reading a single entry.
Addressed to Apurva P.: if you don't want your child to see bad things like, say, someone showing their middle finger, why did you have children?
Addressed to Mary B.: Oh yes, Heather obviously hates Leta, and Leta will grow up thinking that, despite the attention, time, monthly letters, and vast amount of pictures devoted entirely to her.
Addressed to everyone else: Exclamation points = making an impression. Use them more.

I can't believe those people. What good can possibly come from such terribly negative, and downright mean, words?

Anyway, I love what you write, even if it's seemingly about nothing in particular. The very first post I ever read was, of course, about poop and I don't believe I've ever laughed so hard in my entire life. I tell all of my family and friends about your website and we all think that you are the cat's meow, sweaty goat balls and all.

I am crying, I am laughing so hard. Girl -- you are FUNNY. Keep up the good work.

Everything aside...write a book already!
please

I've also never commented before. I found your site about 6 months ago and I absolutely adore you and your gorgeous family. I check your website obsessively, day in and day out.

I had to comment this time because today's was one of my all-time favorite posts. And i REALLY hope the woman who said this: "Let’s just say I don’t want to be standing next to you on judgement day. The trap door to hell will open and I might fall in with you," was deadpan serious because that's fucking HIGH-LAR-I-OUS.

Phew. Glad i'm not that crazy. Thank you so much for all you write.

Wow.
It is so amazingly obvious that the majority of these so-called "hatemails", or, as I like to call them, "jokes", are written after reading a single entry.
Addressed to Apurva P.: if you don't want your child to see bad things like, say, someone showing their middle finger, why did you have children?
Addressed to Mary B.: Oh yes, Heather obviously hates Leta, and Leta will grow up thinking that, despite the attention, time, monthly letters, and vast amount of pictures devoted entirely to her.
Addressed to everyone else: Exclamation points = making an impression. Use them more.

I love your blog, Heather. I think everything you do is art.

Also, I've always pictured the sudden descent to hell to be via a greased-up firepole, rather than a trapdoor. I guess I think of the fiery netherworld as more of a wacky funhouse than an eternal punishment.

Well I just Googled "I hate Dooce club" and there isn't even any such thing!

Lazy liars.

Heather, I am not going to read all the comments. I am hoping that they are supportive, but I am now afraid of the haters. Are those emails real?? There are some strange people in this world. . .

I would like to tell you . . .

I like your writing! I can even find it on the page. (Seriously, what is this "the page is covered in ads," can they not read?? Dude! the post is right in front of your face.) I admire how you and Jon are raising your child. I think your dog is hilarious. I look forward to reading you AND Jon. It is your blog. Write what you want. If they don't like it, they can get their own (sadly, I am sure they will).

Good vibes being sent to Utah! (now that is the first time I have ever said that . . .)

Outstanding commentary, it's time for you to start a Daily Show for the internet.

i find it amusing that people put forth so much time and effort insulting blog authors. i have to respect anyone who is willing to put their thoughts on the net for everyone to read. you're one of the more talented and hilarious writers out there, so what gives? those people must be drinking the kool aid.

don't let it phase you, heather. we love you.

i'm just so relieved that someone finally has the balls to stand up and talk about the joy that is snorting cocaine off of toddler bellies. sure, lots of people know about blowing raspberries on bellies, but only a true aficianado of the soft, mushy, sweetness of toddler fat can appreciate the coke snorting surface it provides.

i mean, how else is a mother to bond with her daughters? honestly....

ps. i love you 5% more for that line. and i love that you represent real mothers who aren't afraid to acknowledge what it's really like.

people just suck sometimes. and they like to share the suckiness with the world. (it makes them feel better on the inside)
it pisses me off that people have all these expectations of you and what you're supposed to do for them (us) when it's not about them/us. i mean really, it isn't. why do you write in this blog? if you were to lose all of your readers, would you still blog? and if so- why? because that answer alone is the reason you could say FUCK YOU to everyone who tries to beat you down. i get that when you open yourself up and write about things people may not agree with, you're going to get a backlash. but you can't please everyone all the time. we don't all think the same. i think you could post about liking the show LOST and then you'd get hate mail telling you how stupid you are for watching a show about people lost on an island when that could SO never happen in real life, etc. bottom line is that you realize for every 1 piece of crap mail you get- there are hundreds of pieces of rockstar mail.

George is the absolute best. I really do think you should write her back and ask her if she's hot.

Fuck them right in the ear.

I say if they don't like they way YOU do things then first they should take the stick out of their ass and then run along and start their own blog.

A fan,

Jinny

I like this one the best:

>Everything that you gained will be taken away from you. You are simply a Man-Hating Psycho Lesbian Jealous Feminist! I predict bannishment to the Island of FagLesbian or a re-adjustment camp for you and your ilk!

What was Walter thinking? No, seriously.

Wow. I didn't know you were the target of such venom. I live in New York and I'm not even as angry as those people!

I'm also astounded by their vast stupidity. Some of them act as if they are truly concerned about Leta's upbringing and you should know that they only write because they care. Pfffft!

And when has yours EVER been a PC website? (Not knocking you 'cause that's why I read it, but it's not like some profanity and satire from you is UNexpected). These are some weird followers you got here, Dooce. You should definitely talk more seriously to your lawyer about disposing of some unmentionable body parts of certain people who won't be missed.

And all this time I was pronouncing Leta, like Feta, instead of Leta, like Pita.

Huh...boy is my face red.

Keep up the great work Heather!
After all, you are the one who inspired me to start my own blog.

I have no idea who said this, but you cannot get poor enough to make the poorest person feel rich. If you can support yourself via your site, you should do it, and feel great about it.

Only good can come from it.

What? You have your own opinions and you put them on your own site? How dare you!

Seriously, tell the haters to get their heads out of their asses. This site is whatever you want it to be and it's here for everyone to enjoy. If people don't like it, then they don't read it. It's as simple as that.

I, however, am a huge fan and keep coming back for all the Leta and Chuck and Armstrong stories I can handle. :)

Oh my god Heather... thank you for that.. I needed a laugh. Seriously though, I think I would cry if I recieved emails like that on a daily basis. I hope that you take all the negativity with a grain of salt and just keep on going with the knowledge that you love your child and husband and mutt with all your heart. The non-crazies out here can tell that, and even us semi-non-crazies.

"The good news is that comments like all those you quoted just blow the theory of intelligent design right out the window."

How so?

Maybe one of us doesn't understand Intelligent Design very well.

I too have been a long-time, silent lurker ... but this time I just HAD to login and say YOU FUCKING ROCK, HEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dooce,

I just started reading your blog a couple of days ago and I'm a fan already. I won't quit you! Those dudes need to get a damn life.

You know, you mention getting hatemail occasionally from people who are offended by stuff you post, and I'm always curious what they say. I'm endlessly amused by people who take themselves too seriously and get their panties in a knot over bizarre things. Thanks for posting these, they're a good reminder to keep my sense of humor, in order to avoid becoming an uptight whackjob. Thanks, Heather. You rock my world.

i am always amazed at the lengths people will go to say how offended they are. what an aweful person i am and how wonderful he/she is.

one of my amazon book reviews brought me grief (me who isn't ranked anywhere as a good reviewer). the author, yes the author, tracked down one of my e-mail addresses (claimed it took a great deal of effort but honestly my e-mail address doesn't take rocket science) and wrote to tell me that my review would hurt book sales (uh ya, that would be my intent but honestly i don't think anyone cares what i say) and that the review was thoroughly unchristian of me (christians can't call other christians bad writers?).

btw i love your "abuse" of chuck. could you spell his name in spaghetti on his back? now that would be cool.

Oh, and fellow commenters: say what you have to say, press "Post" ... THEN STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER. It will register. You do not make it go faster by pressing POST ten times. We just get ten insights into how much you love Heather, which is nice, but ... doesn't make you look as bright as you have to be to earn your membership card into the Ilk.

Sorry, but nobody else was saying it.

Have these people never heard of irony? Humor? Grammar? Keep it coming, Heather - you help keep me sane. Well, sort of. ;)

Heather,
I think you are an amazing writer, a loving mother, a caring wife, and definitely a top-notch pet owner. I love reading your blog. My boyfriend laughs at me because you are like a celebrity to me. Once I was in Enstiens Bagels and I saw you walk by with Leta and Chuck. I almost choked on my food because I was so excited. (But to much of a wuss to go say hello.)

Although we have never spoken or met, I consider you a friend. I'm sorry for the meanness that comes your way. You are 100% undeserving of it. But a little college student in the SLC thinks you are great! (That would be me.)

Thanks for writing.

These hate-e-mail's are hilarious - Thanks for sharing them
It is so important to laugh WITH US - your audience of fans

I vote this be a monthly posting - much like beautiful little Leta's newsletter.

George introduced me to your site uh...a long time ago? When we were at the awesome land of BYU together. I felt now is an apporpriate time to say that I am a pretty devout Mormon and really have no problem with your site. *shrug* Perhaps I will fall through that trap door into hell. If I do, it was definitely worth the laughs.

PS, Leta is far from ugly. And has my birthday!

PPS, George couldn't be bothered to come see ME!

Dear Funny Heather, I know that you know this but what these hate-mailers need to understand is that what you write about is your decision. Ultimately, you're not writing this website for them or anyone but yourself. And really, hate-mailers: if you don't like it, don't read it. It's that simple. Step away from the keyboard... I don't think these people have any right to write you these nasty emails. I hope you know that you are a better person than each one them. I love reading your site, it makes me laugh and smile every single day. You could write about dirt and I think it would still be funny, or thoughtful, or something-- but it would definitely be good.

Let me join in the Heather Love Fest for a second. :-)

I agree that the content of the site has changed as your life has changed. I'd be concerned if it hadn't. But I still find it funny and valid and well-written.

Oh, and to the ad-complainers? Norton Internet Security hides half of them. --Er, I don't mean to reduce your income or anything, Heather. I can still see the text ads, and I click every now and then, just to get your click-through action going on. Hell, if I could quit my job and stay at home and blog and make money (and do some freelance web design on the side), I would be all over that gig like white on rice.

For someone to mock what you do to Leta's hair or to question her cuteness, that crosses a line. Those are fighting words! I say we rumble, Pro-Doocers on one side of the Salt Lake, Anti-Doocers on the other. If any of the Anti-Doocers make it across to where we are all paryting we get to tackle them, shave their heads and color them with blue marker. Those are pictures you can publish (exclamation point)

So couple questions, if someone doesn't like a site, why do they visit and read the information there? "Get a life"? Dude, take a page out of your own book.

The last one gave me a great idea for a game, though. How many times can you say "mocking" in one paragraph? :)

Personally, I would only stop reading your blog if you STOPPED posting about poop, farts and lead-based christmas lights.

I just want you to know that you inspire me everyday. Never stop writing, you are wonderful at it.

Only the cool kids get hate mail.

I really thought Apurva wrote, "I think you’ve just gotten way too big for your britches now that you’re getting laid."

I wondered for a scary moment if you weren't getting laid before and I just missed reading about your dabbles in celibacy.

Whew!

i am dying here! i just wanna know one thing... and be honest: who's head is in that trunk of yours, Keri R.? Jeff S.? or... Shannon W!!!!!!

[this is your book, miss dooce/goddess-of-all-that-makes-people-like-me-pee-my-pants-in-uncontrollable-laughter!]

thank you for sharing! : D

Well? Did you ever find out if that Shannon W. chick was hot? Oh, and personally, I like your site, your writing, and I think you're hot. (Jon isn't as hot. Neither is GEORGE!, but I don't fault them for it.) Your writings have made me laugh like a loon and made me all weepy, sometimes at the same time. Thanks.

For someone who hates you, Keri R sure emails you a lot.

Seriously I'm laughing at all the hate. It's pertty and sad.

We love you Heather. Ignore the hate!

Thank God you understand the psychology of why people do this.

"I can’t help flinching once I click “publish” I have to realize that a lot of what people send me is only a projection of themselves, a projection of what they want to see in themselves or their own value system and it really has nothing to do with me personally."

Absolutely.

I, personaly, do not want you to change a thing about your writing. I am obviously not alone in this sentiment. And I hope so very much that you never, ever, briefly wonder how you will piss people off.

Fuck 'em.

You are YOU. Can't please 'em all. But DAMN you please a ton of us out here.

i'm not one to comment much...and i thought about commenting earlier today and then decided against it and as the day passed that thought of commenting sat in the back of my head. if all of these closed-minded folks out there can take the time to write you hate e-mails then i can surely take a moment to send some positivity your way (along with all the others above me). dooce is a great site, i read it daily and i am not a mother and don't battle depression, i'm not an ex-mormon and i don't have a dog...but i can still appreciate what you put out there so thanks for that. it doesn't seem right that you have to put up with the general public's goat balls and all just to keep me entertained at work, but keep it up...please.

I've been reading since 2002.. and I got PREGNANT BECAUSE OF YOU. Haha. I got baby fever from Leta pictures, go figure. ;P

So, I'll just say.. fuck 'em.
"ohmygod. whinewhine. mylifeismiserable! i'm childfree! whinewhinewhine! dogcruelty. babypoopbothersme."

I love you Heather. You are brilliant and fantasic and you make every day that I read your site that much better. When we all plan our mass vacation to the Island of FagLesbian, I want to be your date! I'd totally go lesbian for you Heather! I have a big girlie-crush on you.

I wonder what Walter G. thinks now that everyone seems to WANT to go to his little Island.

Heather- You rock! That's all I need to say!

If these people met you in person they wouldn't be so harsh. I don't know what it is that brings out the "keyboard warrior" in those who hide behind a computer monitor. I get plenty of hate mail myself and don't bother to give them the time of day (unless I'm in an argumentative mood of course).

I just wish you'd published their email addresses along with their comments. :)

wow. just wow.

i'm really jealous. send some of your hate mailers my way.

have you considered having a filter? not a programmed one, but actually someone to go through the mail and just give you the rational ones? because it's one thing to argue a point, and an entirely different one to attack someone's child.

there's no need for you to see something like that- that's just an angry bitter man lashing out about his angry bitter (under endowed) life.

Wow! That was fun! Hate mail only says: YOU'VE MADE IT! I love you & your site, but I mainly come here for Chuck.

These people have 'Tall Poppy Syndrome', (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tall_poppy_syndrome), and obviously nothing better to do.

I just want to say that I'm really proud that you're using your website for good, and not evil. You are now the Chuck Woolry of the World Wide Web, all caps.

I think that Jeff S. and Mary B. are going to live a long, happy life together. I'm crossing my fingers that they register for a Cuisinart Grind and Brew, because I happen to have an unopened box sitting in my guest room!!!

It really warms my cold, black, shriveled little dooce-loving heart to see two crazy kids in love like that.

Keep up the good work, Dooce.

I didn't have time to read through all 385+ comments before posting my own so forgive me if what I'm about to say is a bit redundant... but clearly for every criticisim you're getting you've got about 50 other people in your corner!

It astonishes me how friggin' much free time people must have on their hands, if they can take the time to email you with complaints about what font you're using, the colors in your masthead designs, and whether or not you write about constipation. For those critics that think you should do something more constructive with YOUR time, I'd throw that right back at 'em: stop criticizing what Heather or anyone writes in their personal blogs (the key word being "personal") and go out and do something constructive with your own time. Blogs are like television: if you don't like what you're seeing, it only takes one click to change the channel.

People who have nothing else to do but heap criticism on someone else for expressing an opinion or sharing their perspective on something (last time I looked, we still had free speech in this country) clearly need what you advised the first critic on your list to get: an enema. Preferably with ice cold water.

From where I sit at my desk in New Jersey, as a 40+ single woman who loves children but is not planning to have any, my daily life is about as different from yours as it can get -- and yet I consistently find your take on life to be delightfully honest, refreshing, poignant and most days, utterly hysterical. You're a gifted writer and a kick-ass photographer, too, and don't let anyone make you think otherwise. Are all your posts going to be Pulitzer material? Of course not... every writer's entitled to an off day. I see your blog, like I see my own, as a tool for self-expression and creativity, something that will evolve over time. So if what you're writing about today has changed from what you wrote about a year or two or three ago, isn't that perfectly fine? I've been reading Dooce.com for about a year and I see the evolution taking place in your life because it comes through in your writing. What's wrong with that?

And as far as dealing with criticism from strangers... I guess you can chalk it up to the price of fame and notoriety. Imagine what someone like Oprah has to put up with, her picture on every tabloid rag that's out there, and deadbeat relatives and others always with their hands out asking for money. The more you are willing to put yourself out there in the world, the more others will have something to say about you, good or bad. But what's the alternative -- not being who you are? Nobody really wins by you censoring yourself to please others -- especially these cranky, sex-starved, relgious zealots and crazed psychos.

Next time you are feeling unsure about pressing the send button, remember this quote from Marianne Williamson: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Keep shining, Heather!

Oh, dooce! Where do I begin? I'm a long-time reader, first-time commenter, and I must tell you, I love this site. You consistently make me laugh out loud (in a good way). You and your family are beautiful. Don't ever stop.

HI Heather:

I adore you. I'll send you sweet nothings more often so that the hate will be insignificant.

As for the girl who's family member wrote that book... Laughing at eachother is what family does to show love. If you had laughed at him sooner, he wouldn't have published it and been publicly mocked. Please. Protect your family in the future

You know, reading your answers to the emails made me thinkkk "How fun would it be if you periodically did a a "Dear Dooce" column on your site.

Expect, expect expect

So often I watch the news (okay, not SO often, but whatever, the news is bad for my sanity) and someone's saying something idiotic, close-minded, hateful and ridiculous to the camera. And when this someone is not, say, the President, I always wonder, who ARE these people? Thank you for giving them names. The upside of blogs is ultimately the downside, as well: being able to correspond semi-anonymously allows the cowards of the world to say horrible things that they would never dare say to an actual in-your-face person and then sit back and feel smug and self-satisfied about it, even as their hatred ROTS THEM SLOWLY FROM THE INSIDE OUT (as you can see, I favor all caps over the exclamation point when adding emphasis). Seriously: think about an adult leaning down to say to a (precious) child, "I don't think you're very pretty." Wow, good job, Asshole-Elmo. Maybe Leta could change your diaper and you'd feel better? I have to tell myself: there are only one hundred or so of these people in the country, but it SEEMS like there are more of them because they are always the ones talking. And, apparently, voting. Maybe writing you hate mail will distract them from the voting part....

wow, no time to read the ten trillion comments. Just to say that the photo you published today was beautiful, and to request that PLEASE please please publish more of those letters - say a once a week feature? It is terrible that you get them, but great that we get to enjoy reading the idiocy! :)

Not to reward bad behavior, but maybe you could create a Razzies type award for the hate mail. Like Dooce's Sweaty Goat Ball Award for most hysterically offensive email. It'd be a hard choice if this is just the mail you've got recently, but c'mon sweaty goat balls - what hate mailer doesn't need some of that love?

Love the site, Heather. And as a side note, your entry the other day about how you sit at your computer and hit refresh, refresh, refresh at sites you enjoy - that is me at dooce.com.

Heather, wouldn't it be a great to invent a program that could filter out all the hate mail and automatically send it to George W.? Seriously, I wanted you to know that you make me laugh out loud EVERY SINGLE DAY, so much so that my own hunk of yummy man goodness (Jon IS VERY CUTE,btw) will ask me what the hell I am reading that is making me laugh so hard that I have tears in my eyes. You are also one of the prettiest women I have ever seen, and if I was gay I would totally do you (if you would have me, that is). Leta is beautiful and sweet (sometimes!) and her own little person, and I personally wouldn't want anything less for your child(ren), or mine for that matter. No parent is perfect, I closed my daughter's neck in the car window for Christ's sake!!! Talk about guilt! Anyway, all these miserable fucks can take it up the ass sideways. If they don't like ya, they don't have to read ya. I hope you don't let them ever get you down, because you seriously totally fuckin rock. Dooce forever!!!!! LOVE YOU!!!! Sign me: the wicked fuckin bitch of the East.

I actually signed up to an account with typepad just to leave this comment.

Obviously those who left those ridiculous comments are completely close minded. Last fall I was completing an assignment about blogging for a graduate class I was taking; and that is when I came across your site. Since that day I have religiously checked for new postings each day. I absolutely adore your style of writing. With all of the stresses I have going trying to finish school and working (and finding time for happy hours), I always know that you can make me laugh out loud with your quirky style of writing. You brighten up my day when I read your postings, and from the 400+ comments above mine, obviously others as well. So ultimately, these "dooce-bags" with the case of the nasties really need to try taking their spare time elsewhere, or maybe writing a blog of their own -- which would probably never get the positive attention that yours gets. Keep up the fabulous work!

Wow, what BALLS it takes for these people to send you hateful emails. I mean, to stand up and make such PIERCING comments while hiding (most likely) behind some phony name and the protection of an email address created specifically for hatin'.

Kinda like a kid that takes a crap in the corner... they think it's freaking hilarious, but everyone else just smells shit.

the stuff that really gets me is the "i hate the design of your blog" shit. dudes, go get a life and stop trolling dooce and go hate on those people that have pimped out their myspace with so much glittery blinking text and embedded mp3s to the point it freezes your browser.

as for the ads, it's not like you have those flashy "SHOOT THE TARGET AND WIN" banners popping up on the page or in the middle of entries, or even between entries. can't find the entries because you're "wading through all the ads"? then you must be fucking blind because it's right there. in the middle. the biggest column. with the text in it. that runs down the entire page. under the masthead. the daily photo. is there. at the top. right at the top. in the middle. of the page.

jesus.

Wow! You've got some serious 'fans' Heather. When I first read your post, I got nervous and thought you were going to post my email (from this weekend) begging you to visit my blog! I was relieved and also saddened that neither has happened so far. LOL. Hope it gets better before it gets worse. Have a great week.

Heather, I love your site
My sister found the link to your site on my site and we both love your site, Leta, your dog and everything.

I think that you aren't a real website until you have people that hate you, its part of the internet.

Ads on the page ? don't bother me one bit, in fact I think it is awesome you can live off them

your scarcasm and wit make me laugh every day

-justin

Heather--

I just have to tell you that I look forward every day to reading your website. You are such an awesome, inspiring person and to be honest (but hopefully not creepy) you are my idol.

I especially appreciate your posts regarding your depression, because I myself have battled it and it's so powerful to see someone be able to truly express what it's like. I really admire your courage and your strength.

Anyway, YOU ARE AWESOME and no nasty e-mail or comment from any idiot can take that away from you. I wish you and your family all the best.

(P.S. I currently take a cardioboxing class to relieve my stress but if you want, I would be happy to do it by kicking the crap out of any Dooce haters out there!!)

I'm not sure if I should laugh out loud or go for a serious spiteful entry just so you would use me on your next rant.

Some tough competition, not sure if I could make the grade.

Take Care
Michael

Hi Heather,

Had to comment on this, I read you religously, and have many times found myself laughing out loud (although this is the first time I've commented). Frankly I don't understand why people feel compelled to attack other peoples personal web pages. If you don't like it, don't read it (isn't that what free choice is all about?).

I also have a tiny person in my house, I also suffered terribly from post-partum, so I have seen myself in many of your writings.

Cheers to you and to Jon and to Leta,

Dr. Mommy.

i'm sure i'm repeating what many have said already but i just wanted to drop a quick line of support. leta is beautiful; chuck looks happy as can be; and your site is hilarious and so true to life. reading about your trials & triumphs w/ leta kicks my bio-clock into action - my god those audio tracks killed me!

i regularly torture my husband w/ the cuteness of your little girl and your puppy - and he loves it just as much as i do.

don't let the haters stop you from being you.

ok, I'll try this again.

It's occurred to me that if people don't care for your blog, they don't have to read it, right? What purpose does their derision and hateful spew serve? See, it's another example of people blaming others for their unhappiness instead of taking responsibility for their own lives.

Fuckers.

What is absolutely hilarious to me is that these people actually think you give one rat's behiney what they think of you and your writing. No one is forcing them to read it, so let them kiss off and leave you in peace. I'm glad you put it out there for the masses (aka the rest of us) to point and laugh at.

i agree with the girl who suggested the monthly hater newsletter. that's perfect. talk about turning lemons into lemonade! lol.

Oh for heaven's sake....or wait, should I not say that too? Heather, you rock...in all senses of the word...you truly are an inspiration to many people and the thing that burns me about the hateful emails you get is that these people CHOOSE to read your blog!! You are so right about these people having bad days and being downright hateful towards themselves and life...does one not have better things to do with their time? I do not even know the level of strength it takes to read these emails...I think that says it all about you Heather...

One thing though...PLEASE don't censor your thoughts and writing anymore...you should not worry about the thoughtless and disrespectful people that read this blog and feel the need to be so harsh and hateful. I personally love the uncensored aspect of this website and come here because you make me laugh...despite my religious beliefs or anything else...THANK GOODNESS for FREE SPEECH, but these people need to go away and get some counseling of their own....

Oh and all this coming from a Christian, Republican...come on folks...get some couth.....

Stepping off this soapbox now...Blurb and Dooce...keep it rockin'! Oh and I LOVE that Wolf Parade track too....

Four Hundred Sixty Comments? That totally deserved being spelled out. Also, I'm too lazy to read all of them.

So: Hatemail. Interestingly enough, last night I write about hatemail I recently received. People can be so stupid. Do they really think they won't be publicly flogged?

However, I must admit: the entire time I was reading those excerpts, I couldn't help but chant, "Oh, God, Don't let me be on this list." Just because sometimes when I open my mouth and let my fingers fly, I say stupid things.

But at least I know you would tell me that I was saying stupid things, instead of just letting me be stupid.

Though, bad press! Too bad you didn't publish these people's site addresses.

Holy crap! Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point! Keri R. is always out there ruining everything for the rest of use Keri's whose parents named us after the lotion on the hospital nightstand. Bitch. You, however, are fantastic. I adore your site and read it all the time. Thanks for all the site.
Signed,
A Real Keri

OMG, Heather, those were hilarious!!! Ignore them completely, they are all full of crap. You are awesome and so funny and help all of us mom's to feel like we aren't alone. Please keep posting these losers comments a something to laugh at, they are hilarious...maybe like a regular segment...this weeks hate mail. Kinda like Chuck Friday!

But sweaty goat balls are a good thing!!

I've never posted a comment here before, I just wanted to say that you rock, of course, and I love coming here everyday (and hitting refresh refresh refresh). oh and the ads don't suck.

Andi from Mexico

Rails of cocaine on Leta's belly. Muahaha! So evil, so great, so funny. You crack me up... I've been reading your website for the past 3 or 4 years now, as it can be addicting. A little vodka cocktail, a comfy chair & reading your site makes my day. I hope you put more videos up ;-) Thanks for the laughs.

Those people need to get a freaking life. If they do not like your writing then they need to read another blog. Jesus there are about a million out there pick one.

i dig your site. just letting you know. :)
-rosemary

I am floored by the audacity of some people who come to your website of their own free will and then leave such vile, hate-filled comments. That is the epitome of rudeness.

I am fairly new to dooce.com but I'm already a huge fan. I love your honesty even when it isn't polite or politically correct. I wish I could be that real.

Keep up the good work, Heather.

P.S. You have a beautiful family ~ Chuck included!

As a FagLesbian and Man-Hating Psycho Lesbian Jealous Feminist, I find this to be one of the funniest things I have read in quite some time. That's HOT. I will now commence self-reference of the term FagLesbian. Thank you, Dooce-hater Walter G.

I don't know what everyone's problems with the ads are. I mean, it's not like they're causing pop-ups are playing insane frog tunes or anything. So place your hand over half the computer screen, or your field of vision, or you could just avert your gaze slightly and focus on the middle column, the way most of us do.

GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry. I wanted to see how it felt.

Wow, Heather. Just...wow. Who knew that there were so many folks out there who have so much time to spend hating on such silly stuff? Gah.
And I have to add, the entry yesterday about re-discovering music? Damn if I wasn't all over I-Tunes and Blurbomat downloading like a wacky teenager after I read it! 38 years old and feeling 17 again... thanks! You made my day!
Love, Anne

I've been a reader of both you and your husband's website for just over a year. I'm absolutely floored. I can't believe people actually write such hurtful things. I enjoy both sites thoroughly. Keep on keepin on.

Thanks for sharing those - what an insight into the crazies!

Also - I love how you style Leta's hair! My 2-year old won't let me touch her hair. So jealous.

I totally laughed my ass (oops! am I allowed to say that? I hope that doesn't land me on top of one of those pesky trap doors...) off. I love the, "I liked you when nobody knew you, but now that you're famous, you suck" feel of most of those emails. I think you should post those emails more often...and I have to say, you were VERY nice to not post their email addresses...

I SOOOOOO support the monthly hate newsletter. Just think, it would guarantee hundreds of supporting comments to replace those hilarious bitch posts!

Warms my heart to see everyone wants you to know how many more lovers there are than haters. It's got to be hard to get that crap from people, even if you do handle it well.

Dang! That was VICIOUS! I'm a Republican, and I'm not even that mean! Heather, I'm prayin' for ya! (you know you want me to)

I can't believe people take the time to email you this crap, especially with this bossy, imperious tone they all seem to have. Jeez.

First of all, not all people with the first name Michelle and last initial W are uptight, meanspirited people. I can't let her ruin it for all of us. I am not married, don't have kids but LOVE your website. It gives me a nice break from the day to dayness of work. You have a great sense of humor, beautiful family, etc. I am tired of hearing that people read you a riot act for taking care of your family with the ads. Also, to the man who eluded that Leta is not cute. She is the cutest little girl that I have seen that I am not related to (I have to say that). You should be proud, proud, proud of everything that you have accomplished. Take care and continue your good work.

"And most importantly, how do you find the strength to resist submitting their email addresses to the QueerWorld.com mailing list?"

If I send you hateful emails you're more than welcome to sign me up for Queer World. Hell, just sign me up anyway. :P

The Island of FagLesbian a.k.a. Fire Island. I thought even you breeders knew that. ;)

"I don’t hate the disease, I just disagree with the lifestyle of the disease."

Oh that's clever! We may have to bestow you the title of Honorary Gay Man. :D

What a beautiful, beautiful post. I laughed out loud!

And I check your blog daily just because I like it so darn much. Good writing, funny framing, and a pixie that spews the best kinds of mischief. Thanks for sharing your life with strangers - we're not all grumps, I promise.

Wow. As someone who nearly throws up each time I receive feedback from clients, just terrified by the thought that it might be the one out of a hundred that says something negative, I can't even imagine what it must be like to have so much hate in my inbox for no possible reason! And even when the people are totally crazy, I know it still hurts (even just a little) that there is one more person out there who doesn't get it.

I haven't read all the comments, and I'm sure someone's already said this (many times), but I just must add my own WTF? I don't even get why these haters even bring up free speech. Because, um, why did they type in your URL? It's not so much a matter of what you chose to write, but what THEY CHOSE TO READ. It's not like your words and pictures are plastered all over their house, or their neighborhood, or that your free speech would even fucking arrive anywhere in their general vicinity if they hadn't typed the address with their own hands.

Sending hate mail to a site you visit Voluntarily is the most outrageously self-involved act I have ever seen. Why the fuck should you be accountable to people who visit you voluntarily just to hate you for something you do voluntarily? It just makes no sense whatsoever.

But it is pretty hilarious that a relative of the booklet author wrote. I tell you, that photo provided many a guffaw over the weekend.

Anyway, just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of non-hate.

I don't know if the people on the internets will ever get the hang of the exceedingly simple concept of moving on should they happen to land on a site that doth so offend them. Seriously.. when did the internets become about slanderous diarrhea of the keyboard, to the point where people feel completely comfortable and justified in sending rather personal hate mail?

It's like.. If I pick up a book that I end up not liking, I put it down and go on to something else more my taste. I don't look up the author and write a hate-filled diatribe questioning every aspect of their life. I know it's far too much to ask that people use some common sense, but come on!!!!!!!!

Particularly brilliant post.. "Leta's bare tummy" and "ask her if she is hot".. hahahaha.. great stuff..

I've been reading your blog for a good while now. You are funny and entertaining. What more do people, who don't know you at all, want?

Live your life.. you seem to be doing good at it. :)

PS. The Chuck calendar is great.

I'm sure I'm echoing a lot of the comments above, but rest assured, people who do not know enough to stop reading something they are voluntary choosing do not warrant your concern.

You do what you have to do to support your family, and to those who don't like how you go about doing it, let them worry about their own families.

And to the people who hate your ads, have them pony up for bandwidth and PB&J sandwiches for your young lady, then they can spout off. It's entertainment people. Nobody FORCES you to watch 7th Heaven do they? I think that's covered under the Geneva convention.

Wow is Walter G. and ex scorned lover? I appreciate your site and all that you and your family go through to make it happen. Keep up the great work.

Oh my God!! I can't believe how mean people can be. You are an inspiration to me because you do what you love and you know who you are. I wish everyone else could see how wonderful that really is.

There are people in the world that lead a miserable existence. Their own insecurities are manifested when they lash out at others.

Dooce.com is a recent discovery for me, recommended by a friend with whom I was discussing my constipation and hemorrhoids. I have found other interesting topics here, however, although the entries relating to poop are some of my favorites! At times when I'm reading I truly "laugh out loud." Like today.

You have to wonder, though, about these insecure people that are sending you these rude comments - if they hate it, why do they continue to read? I appreciate the humor with which you deal with these people. It has to be difficult at times, but, hey: today they afforded us all a laugh.

First time commenter here. I found your blog a couple of months ago and try to visit every day.

You are blessed with a rare gift. Your writing illuminates everyday (and sometimes more momentous) events with wit and grace, and often a wicked sense of humor. And your pictures are EXCELLENT.

You are doing just FINE.

Hi! Just wanted to add my support. Have a great day, it's really nice outside!

I don't know how to quit you.

... and I never would anyway! I love your site, I love your stories and photos, I love your views on life and I can't believe that people have the (sweaty goat) balls to write to you and say such things to you.

FUCK THEM. Seriously. That is so disturbing that people would talk to you like that. If they hate you and your site so much, they just shouldn't read it. Duh, it's not rocket surgery.

Keep your chin up <3

You are a better person than me---I would go postal with a few of those comments and you obviously get a lot of them. Too bad. Why don't people just stop reading if they don't like it? Why spread that bad energy?
I like Dooce and I don't leave comments often, but I will if will help your hate/love ratio.

Oh my. What a sad, sad day. I had no idea that there were so many pathetic people out there who have shriveled little pieces of tar for hearts. Oh well, what can you do but feel sorry for them? Their lives must really suck.

Your site is the first one I check everyday in hopes that you've posted something new and hilarious. You are a strong and amazing woman. Thank you so much for not letting "them" get to you and for continuing to make so many of us pee our pants and shoot chocolate milk out of our noses with laughter! (okay maybe i just speak for myself)

xo ruby
a mama in Canada

ps Leta is a STUNNING beauty....but i don't need to tell you that.

As expert on all things gay, I ask that you tell Walter G that if there is going to be an island of lesbians, it's going to be called Island of Lesbos. As in, the actual greek mythology where the word "lesbian" comes from- exlamation point, exlamation point, exlamation point.

Other than that, love your blog and your writing. And reading from your experiences, I now know I will never post my blog for strangers to see. It's just too dangerous out there- exlamation point.

Damn, girl! Can you feel all this love?! I'm curious though, do you ever get any converts to the Recovering Morman Relocation Program?

Dear Dooce,

You have really crossed the line this time!!!!! How DARE you have a sence of humor!!!! How dare you laugh at the world and find hilarity in your own shit!!!!! You should be miserable and cold and hard like the rest of the unhappy people who apparently have time to send you hate mail instead of fixing their own lives, finding the happy and recognizing that if they don't start laughing at themselves they will shrivel up and die miserable.

Oh and by the way, doing a line of coke off a 2-year olds tummy is rather difficult, may I suggest that you use her high chair tray instead and set her up early.

Yours,

An ever faithful reader who comes to Dooce every day for a good laugh at all the crap we call ours lives. I am in there with ya sister!

Hi Heather, these are so very funny, I had a shit day today and reading these crazy e-mails had me in hysterics. I love your site and look forward to reading it each and every day; in fact I am annoyed when you are absent. After my son was born I suffered from horrible post partum, I searched the web for some help and support and found you and was so relieved that I was not alone, that June Cleaver is not the norm and that I would be OK in the end. All is great now and has been for a long time, my son is two and the joy and center of my/our world and I just wanted to thank you for sharing so much of yourself because by doing so you helped me through a very dark time in my life. You can see my gorgeous guy at www.alexpaffendorf.com.

**To those of you that do not enjoy Heathers site change the channel and take your negative comments with you.

Heather,

I visit each day - yes, more than once - to read about you. Not the you *I* want you to be, but the you that you are exclamation point. I love that you are candid and straightforward about your decisions, your thoughts, and your actions, and of course you crack me up exclamation point. I love the narrative of your blog, I love Jon's contributions here and at Blurbomat, and I admire you both incredibly for having the courage to find and follow this wonderful life exclamation point.

You rock exclamation point.
Sinda

Long-time reader, who understood why you weren't doing comments anymore, and is very impressed that you have started opening them back up again.

You and Jon are like the Bradgelina of the blog world. Seriously. Heather, you have over 450 comments in just a few hours? That is tons. And what percentage of people who read blogs actually comment. Most of the other blogs I read, a few of which get thousands, maybe even tens of thousands of hits a day, only get 30-40 comments per post. You get bagillions. You are like super internet celebrities or something. If I met you, I would be all self concious, because of your celebrity status. (Yeah, I'm a dork.)

BTW, I sent you a weird email when I first started reading your blog. (feel like an idiot about it now.) But I will repeat some of what I said there: "You are awesome!" I have since read all of your posts and I visit your blog a few times of the day. I am glad that you have ads now, because you seem to post more often. Hell, I'll take even more posts. I'll take it all! Mwahahahaha. I'll do one more crazy thing, I'll even click on an ad that interests me. You can't stop me!

Keep it up!

Cancel my suggestion. The comments speak for the positive.

P.S. I'm thrilled you and Jon live in Utah - that State needs more of the overwhelming majority living in it...and not just the racist repressed "curch" people.

I love your site and your writing. I particularly love your photos and enjoy the celebration that is Chuck Friday.

Thank you.

never commented on your site (even with the whole sleep debate!) but needed to take the extra minute to "sign up" and sign in to say how much of a huge part of my day you are. I came across your site after googling "Isn't She Lovely" looking for words to the Stevie Wonder song and somehow your blog came up. it must have been divine intervention...that was probaby a year ago and I have been laughing with you ever since. well, maybe ONCE or TWICE at you. but mostly with you. Leta is a doll, my 19 month old looks forward to her pictures every day. or Chucks. either is fine. and tell that guy who wrote in and asked what he should tell his kid about the finger that my 19 month old will be happy to explain exactly what that means.

keep writing, you have made motherhood easier for me.

PPS...re: comment 22, I am not a closet lesbian but my boyfriend wishes I was one.

Regarding all the positive, loving, supportive comments people leave for Heather, YOU GUYS all rock along side our Queen Heather...LONG LIVE DOOCE!! *Please read the puncutation out loud*

For all the nut jobs that send negative, hurtful, crazy emails to the authoress...keep doing it so she can post them for everyone's amusement!

555th comment!!!

wooot!

i <3 dooce.com and the heathers and the leta and the jon.

the haters can go suck it.

Jon- Keep on writing those political posts, as a matter of fact, write more!*exclamation point*
Heather- I think your site is well designed. The ads are at least intelligent, and I don't think I've ever clicked on a bad link from here before.
When in between you thinking your husband is hot when he mows the lawn and him telling you how cute you looked with your new hair cut did someone find out you were a lesbian?? *insert sarcasm here* Oh my gosh Heather THAT'S why Leta's constipated and you too! You just don't know you're a lesbian yet! The shock and horror. Poor Jon.

i don't know what i would do without my daily dose of dooce everyday.

to hell with what they think, there are tons of us out here who love you, your family and your site.

keep doing what you do, your amazing at it.

Wow. Just wow. That's gotta suck to open your email and find crap like that. Well, the five bajillion positive comments here should help cancel that out for a while.

Anyhow, just want to add one more "keep writing". I love reading your site everyday. And I agree with ksted that you make the idiotic emails a monthly feature.

Take care and Dooce rocks. :)

I! LOVE! DOOCE!!!!!! why oh why do people spend so much time being pissed off. To all the pissed off people: Go somewhere else. Don't waist your time or anyone elses just to ruin your day and their's.
Strangly enough most of these people profess to be Christians. "Love thy neighbor as you would be loved"...man, What would Jesus do? Flip them Off I am sure :)

Being one of the "younger" readers, and knowing nothing about anything in life or about the world at all, take the following for what it's worth, which is about nothing:

I don't read peoples' works who can't compose a complete sentence. Congratulations! I read yours.

Secondly, what is someone suppose to write about on HER blog? Answer: Whatever she wants. If you want to tell someone what to write about on her blog, you should invest in your own.

And lastly, I'd have to be lying if I said that money wasn't a factor in my career choice, so good job to you for finding something that you enjoy and can get paid for doing. And the rest are jealous because they hate their piece of shit jobs.

Yikes. I meant astouNding. Now the grammar nazis will target me! (and I'm a career copy editor... Ha!)

A) I don't know how you do it. I wouldn't be strong enough to handle the criticism.
B) I still don't get it. This is your PERSONAL weblog. Why don't people get that?
If you want to write about what you ate for dinner and the subsequent farts, then that's your perogitive.
C) If someone doesn't like what they read here then why don't they just click on the red X and go somewhere else?

The most disturbing thing is that Shannon W actually ADMITS the author of the book is one of her family members...
Holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, the guilty pleasure of highly disturbing people going public!

Somebody please tell me that I'm not the only one here tonight who keeps hitting the "reload" button in my browser so I can see how many more positive posts there are (maybe I, too, need a life?). Feel the love dooce, feel the love (exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point) Keep on pissin' 'em off so we can read about it ;-D

I've only been reading your site for a few weeks now but... that... was... awesome! Too funny.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But, as the late Douglas Adams once said, "All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others."

;)

You know those emails when people say "I am deleting your bookmark"? They make me laugh so hard...it reminds me of second grade, when the other little girls were like, "You're not my friend anymore" and I was all, "Is the part where I beg and plead for you to reconsider? So. Not. Happening."
Those emails where you notify people about your bookmark deletion habits = notarized proof that you have no life beyond the internet, and should maybe seriously consider a vat of sunless tanning lotion, because that's the only thing standing between you and zombie-bride white.
By the way? Love the "now with sweaty goat balls" tagline. Do I hear another Bloggie nomination?
Rock on, Dooce.

I guess I really don't understand the whole concept of taking the time to write nasty emails. If those people would like something to fill their time with, I have a ton of laundry they could come and do!

Celebrity draws forth ire from people. In a way it's like jealousy, but most of the the time it's people saying to themselves "I can't believe they're famous for THAT." It's a reaction a lot of people have to Paris Hilton (and this will probably be the first and last time I make an analogy involving Paris Hilton and Dooce) who don't realize that Paris is limelight because her #1 talent is her ability to market her own persona.

I imagine that a lot of these people are saying "Hey, I have a child! I have a dog! I live in a state! And I even still have a job! How is she different (better) than me?" They don't even realize that the appeal is as much how a story is told than as the story itself, if not moreso. And, sadly, these people are the literary equivilent of "tone deaf" and "color blind" and miss the craft because they are unable to recognize that it's the particular turning of a phrase and characteristic use of sarcasm OR ALL CAPS ONLY WHEN APPROPRIATE, GENIUSES! that are the draw to so many of us.

Stick to your witty, honest, take no prisoners, un-mormom ways, my dear. I may not always agree with what you write but I feel I am mature enough to not take personal offenseand will keep reading to find the 90% i do like.

Just found my typekey login again, did this especially to add my support. Tell the haters to suck your toe, or your tit-whichever floats your boat.

Peace out.

I've never commented on your site but have been reading it religiously since I discovered it about 2 months ago. I think I have now read your entire archives (slow days at work!) and want a dog like Chuck, a husband like Jon and a baby like Leta. I know that you've spoken about hate mail before but I never imagined that they would get this bad! I didn't finish reading this post because some of the things being said were just horrible and so pointless! What jackasses...

So I'm throwing good vibes your way (along with the hundreds of others) to offset the bad and to say chin up because the haters are wankers and deserve to die.

and here you are, mocking it...

i liked the repeated line. adds emphasis. oh well, we can't all be stellar authors like her uncle.

such is life.

don't believe the haters!

Heather,
Love your site... I find it so funny that these people waste their time sending these emails. These are the people who no one will listen to in person b/c they are so annoying and grating... like a nail file meeting the most sensitive part of one's body... that their only outlet is email. And you know it took them hours to write these meaningless and pointless words. Some were mean, but others were plain cruel. For them, I apologize. You know those were the mean kids in high school who made fun of others to make themselves feel better. Not much has changed.
Keep it up. For all the 'haters'... I have some advice, it's simple, yet novel. Stop reading if you hate it so much. Simply stop and find a website that you like. Stop making the decision to do something you hate. I hate smoke, it makes me feel sick, it gives me a headache, so, I have found a great way to avoid these negative feelings... I don't smoke, nor do I go to smokey bars. Same goes for food or people, I dislike, I avoid them.