2:32 AM - crying like a little sissy dog when he should be asleep.

4:16 AM - forgetting that only an hour and a half earlier he was crying like a little sissy dog; crying like a little sissy dog again.

5:00 AM - thinking it's time to play.

5:02 AM - trying to convince Mama and Papa that it's time to play.

5:03 AM - biting Mama's fingers.

5:04 AM - biting Papa's fingers.

5:05 AM - deciding that he likes to bite Mama's fingers better because of that wonderful yelping sound they make.

7:10 AM - refusing to eat prescribed puppy food, calling it "dry and hideously insipid".

7:11 AM - begging for a small piece of peanut butter toast with a small banana "cut to look like a flower" on top.

7:35 AM - chasing every moving object on the sidewalk instead of pooping or peeing.

7:36 AM - biting Papa's ankles instead of pooping or peeing.

7:50 AM - pooping in the most remote and out-of-reach spot in the bushes so that Mama has to crawl around in the dirt to find it, bag it and toss it.

11:00 AM - refusing to watch "Young and The Restless".

11:37 AM - asking Mama, "What time does Total Request Live come on?"

12 Noon - wondering whether or not I heard him the first time when he said, "I'm not going to eat that shit food. Forget about it."

3:30 PM - watching and loving Carson Daly.

4:00 PM - sleeping through Oprah.

6:36 PM - refusing to drink Schlitz malt liquor.

10:02 PM - pretending to be interested in The Real World so that Mama and Papa won't think he's tired and put him to bed.

10:03 PM - failing miserably at pretending to be interested in The Real World.

12:44 AM - crying like a little sissy dog when he should be asleep.