A Selection of Recent, Random and Wholly Unrelated Observations, Volume IV
Paradise to me is sitting on the front porch of the house I own, sipping a freshly brewed cup of coffee, and watching my dog go poop.
Although there are probably many things you don't necessarily want to hear your hair stylist say while he or she is in the act of styling your hair, I have to believe that the two things at the top of that list are "oops" and "we'll be done in one sec, right after I tease the back of your hair and douse it with aerosol hairspray."
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are tools of the devil.
409 Degreaser and All Purpose Cleaner will clean ANYTHING, and as I discovered delightfully yesterday, will also take the Frito smell out of a dog's feet.
My husband recently pointed out that in Utah "diverse" simply means "non-Mormon."
One shot of tequila is five times more powerful than three shots of bourbon. Unfortunately, it took five shots of tequila to figure that out.
Sometimes when you reunite with a friend you haven't seen in half a decade that friend will look like he hasn't aged A SINGLE DAY, and that's when you have to really ask yourself, is he really a friend at all?
There is no such thing as good seafood when you're living in a land-locked desert, people.
I just got a spam with the subject line, "Got septic issues?" and I'm like, GOD! How did they know?
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FM Living
three-legged pi said:
Why is your dog eating Fritos?
05.22.03 - 06:24 AM / 1Chad said:
How long until PETA finds out you spray your dog with 409 cleaner?
05.22.03 - 06:32 AM / 2jess said:
so that's why reese peanut butter cups taste so good.
05.22.03 - 06:33 AM / 3slackjaw said:
Not eating...stepping in them.
Unless you think he's sweating them out through his pours...hmmmm I hadn't thought of that. That would mean his tongue should smell like Fritos as well...
Perhaps he stores them in his toes for later consumption.
05.22.03 - 06:34 AM / 4mihow said:
At least they're not trying to use the phrase "Fresh Seafood."
05.22.03 - 06:39 AM / 5erin said:
so what you're saying is fish shouldn't taste like it's been frozen on a truck for a week?
05.22.03 - 06:40 AM / 6Renee said:
Any idea on how to clean a cat's butt without getting your arms sliced up? Sigh. My older cat Phyllis is a little messy back there. My boyfriend likes to call her "Crusty Butt"--"come here, Crusty Butt!" Sometimes she'll actually respond to that name! "Mrow?"
05.22.03 - 06:49 AM / 7Bill Smith said:
In like your picture from your May 19 posting "This is Going to Be A Long One, So Don't Say I Didn't Warn You." You are a very beautiful woman.
05.22.03 - 06:52 AM / 8zach said:
along with reeses, chinese buffets are also tools of satan and will provide us with the downfall of man.
05.22.03 - 06:54 AM / 9Jenny said:
Rumor has it that seafood here can be considered even MORE fresh than by the sea, cause they pull it out of the sea and freeze it right away and we get it the next morning... where by the sea it sits outside in a street-side market for a few hours first.
Then again, I did hear this from an employee at Gastronomy. Hm.
05.22.03 - 06:58 AM / 10April said:
Simple Green will also clean almost anything and smells oh so very good.
05.22.03 - 06:59 AM / 11Kyle said:
Basic rule of thumb: If you can't see the ocean from the restaurant you're in, don't order seafood.
05.22.03 - 07:00 AM / 12Naaman said:
Oh no, next she'll be telling us to "Put some 409 on it" if we get a zit or a cut or something.
05.22.03 - 07:03 AM / 13~Angel said:
Naaman,
would you listen if she did?
05.22.03 - 07:06 AM / 14Libby said:
It is odd that a dog's foot seems to naturally (on a good day) smell like frito. Why can't hominids be so lucky?! I'd give a lotta money for a spray that makes my some men's feet smell like frito, to hell with the 409. Perhaps you should market "Chuck frito foot spray?" Just a thought.
05.22.03 - 07:12 AM / 15Kami said:
Naaman, has seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" 1 too many times. . . :P
Renee, I'm highly disturbed by the words "Crusty Butt" :X
I personally find Reese's Pieces Candy to be more of a spawn of the devil than the Reese's Cups. That's just me though. *cough*
05.22.03 - 07:19 AM / 16Keith said:
If Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are tools of the devil, then I think the underworld may have finally hit upon the right temptation for me. A white chocolate version. How many do you think I can get for one slightly used soul?
05.22.03 - 07:22 AM / 17the mighty jimbo said:
good seafood advice, dooce.
it's a good rule to eat by. don't order seafood in the desert. don't order vegetarian in texas. and don't order sushi outside of the west coast.
i am curious however as to how a dog's feet begin to smell like Fritos. i'm not sure what that says about your dog. or what it says about fritos.
05.22.03 - 07:33 AM / 18christine said:
Eww Fritos feet. Last week at the movies, the guy behind us had his feet up on the seat next to my husband. Bob said he kept getting wafted with the smell. Don't ask me why we didn't move down a bit. I couldn't smell 'em, but I asked Bob if they smelled like Fritos. He had never made the comparison between stinky feet and Fritos before. I thought everyone knew about that.
05.22.03 - 07:37 AM / 19Erica said:
Was it regular Fritos, or was it those Fritos Flavor Twists in Honey BBQ flavor, because those are crack snacks and there is no stopping once that bag opens.
05.22.03 - 07:48 AM / 20Chris said:
Renee-So you've got a crusty butt cat too? Mine is so damn fat she can't clean herself back there.
It takes two people and a warm wet paper towel.
I'm sure anyone would react the same when they don't understand what's happening. Let me try and whipe your butt without telling you. See how far that goes! :)
05.22.03 - 08:01 AM / 21Jodi said:
Our dog's feet smell like Smartfood. And I am so not kidding.
05.22.03 - 08:02 AM / 22aubs said:
When my dog Bailey needs a bath, he smells like Chicken Soup. Is it a sodium thing that is causing our pets to smell like common household foods?
05.22.03 - 08:03 AM / 23samara said:
i don't want to poop on anyone's parade, but the frito dog paw smell phenomonon is actually a byproduct of poor canine aim. or rather, poor foot placement post urination.
05.22.03 - 08:11 AM / 24Jodi (a different one from above) said:
I actually LIKE that my dog's paws smell like corn chips. But he doesn't take too kindly to my sucking on them.
05.22.03 - 08:34 AM / 25Sheila said:
NEW RULE: if you're going to use saliva to clean something off me, you have to use your tongue.
05.22.03 - 08:38 AM / 26Matt said:
I agree on the seafood advice... even in Minnesota, the seafood is marginal. Oh, how I long for the days of living on the coast and getting fresh lobster from the guy on the pier.
I also agree that it's not a good thing when the barber says "Oops" no matter what comment they follow it up with.
I must say that "oops" from a dentist is slightly more disturbing, although not as bad as "uhh, wow. Hang on, you'll need more novacaine in just a minute."
Even higher on the squirm-o-meter is the house inspector who said, "Oooof. That is a LOT of carpenter ants"
But at the top of my list (currently) is the neighbor kids coming over to play with our dog, then coming *into the house* to ask, "what is this on my shoes?"
05.22.03 - 08:43 AM / 27Dyanna said:
I have a cat with Frito-smelling feet, too, but I'm willing to bet that Chuck doesn't suck on his toes like Felixx does when he's trying to get comfortable before going to sleep. Yes, he's a fucked up cat.
05.22.03 - 08:47 AM / 28the farkleberry said:
Crusty-butt tip: We clean our old cat Nathaniel's hindquarters with moist baby wipes - hey, it works for adult people too. Baby wipes seem to get the most junk off with the least claw damage to the owner (but then, he still has his back claws. He was a front-declaw when we got him from the shelter). Probably also removes Frito smell from de feets.
05.22.03 - 09:03 AM / 29Charles R. Kaiser said:
A couple of things:
I love the fact that my dog's feet smell like Fritos considering all of the other things that they could smell like.
I notice that here in Canada they now have a dark chocolate version of Reese (that's right, we have no "'s" in our version. Got to keep the Quebekers happy) Cups. I am doomed.
05.22.03 - 09:09 AM / 30