Phone Fury
For about five months now I've noticed that Chuck exhibits a certain distaste for the telephone primarily by dropping whatever he's chewing on, cowering and promptly leaving the room whenever the phone rings. At first I thought it was funny, like ha, ha, my dog is afraid of the phone, isn't that cute?
But I haven't been able to figure out why he can't stand to stay in the room while I'm talking on the phone. For a while I thought maybe he'd been beaten in the first four weeks of his life with a telephone receiver, but that doesn't explain why he responds to the sound.
And then yesterday in a brief moment of uncharacteristic insight I finally figured out what was wrong with my dog: Chuck doesn't understand that I'm talking to someone else when I'm talking on the phone, and not unlike my mother and my very Southern and flashy sister, I have a tendency to speak VERY LOUDLY when I'm talking on the phone. I don't know why I do this, I think it's the same reason people talk loudly when they're wearing headphones; we think other people can't hear us over the music, and so we compensate by yelling. I tend to think that the physical distance between me and the person at the other end of the line requires me to up my volume by about 600%, otherwise how is someone in Memphis going to hear me when I'm all the way over in Utah?
I also tend to slip unconsciously into my southern accent while talking on the telephone, and this is the only time that happens other than when I'm angry or drunk on tequila.
So whenever my dog hears the phone ring, he's like, OHMIGOD, THIS WOMAN IS DRUNK AND ANGRY AGAIN, IT'S TIME TO TAKE COVER.
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FM Living
nicole said:
yes, yes they should.
05.30.03 - 09:12 AM / 1jen said:
I have the same tendency to drift into the southern twang that my mother tried to beat out of me when I was first learning how to count. Boy, she sure hated to hear me say FAHHHve and Nahhhn instead of 5 and 9. Beatings. And I'm not kidding.
05.30.03 - 09:12 AM / 2Gary said:
That's funny. Poor dog.
05.30.03 - 09:12 AM / 3geet said:
Maybe Chuck needs some positive reinforcement when you are on the phone. aka bribe him
05.30.03 - 09:13 AM / 4mbc said:
poor dog. i wonder if he thinks that some evil spirit possesses you when you pick up the phone, which doesn't sound too far from the truth, given the drawl, yelling, etc... does he leave when you make outgoing calls too?
05.30.03 - 09:13 AM / 5jen said:
Come to think of it now, my mother had a tendency to be out of the room when I was counting. Maybe it's not the volume but the accent? (I personally enjoy the lilting southern accent myself and more than once it's caused me to enter a room to find its source...)
05.30.03 - 09:14 AM / 6Beerzie Boy said:
Or get the poor guy earplugs.
05.30.03 - 09:16 AM / 7Filter said:
I think I would prefer this to my parent's dog who just gets really pissed and starts barking. You aren't allowed to talk on the phone in the presence of that dog. At least your dog has the common courtesy to leave the room.
05.30.03 - 09:20 AM / 8gnome-girl said:
poor chuck he'll be in therapy for sure :P
05.30.03 - 09:21 AM / 9LB said:
My dog has no phone issues, but she WIGS at the sound of that Will Smith "Jiggy" song, Gary Glitter, or Pee-Wee Hermans laugh. In fact, we've gotten her to the point where if we say "Pee-Wee Herman?" she throws her head back and just HOOOOOOWLS.
05.30.03 - 09:25 AM / 10holly said:
Geet is right. Positive reinforcement. My dog is trained to want to go outside when the phone rings. The phone is by the back door. Go answer the phone, dog follows, open door for dog.
05.30.03 - 09:29 AM / 11brittney said:
The fact that Chuck has stinky feet cracks me the fuck up.
I know that has nothing to do with this entry, but I thought you should know I am laughing (hard) at your misery.
Sorry.
05.30.03 - 09:29 AM / 12Alex said:
When I'm sitting at my desk and start singing one the cats immediately jumps onto the desk and sticks their nose in front of my mouth, while the other one mews loudly...
I think that's their "polite" way of telling me to shut up.
I mean I know I'm not much of singer, but damn.
05.30.03 - 09:29 AM / 13JC said:
that's really funny. you should try giving him a treat every time he stays in the room when you're on the phone...that way it'll teach him he doesn't have to run and hide, and it'll remind you to not yell and scare him off.
05.30.03 - 09:44 AM / 14antisocial diva said:
yeah, positive reinforcement in the way of treats (or whatever is his favorite) combined with, "it's okay" and "you're a good boy" and smooches might help him come around in time.
05.30.03 - 10:06 AM / 15melly mel said:
At least Chuck is polite. When the phone rings, our cat runs over to the receiver, lifts it up just a bit (with her paw), and then drops it back on the cradle , thus hanging up on the caller. Sometimes she just drops it on the floor. Kind of funny at first ("hey, the cat answers the phone!"), but it's getting really tiresome coming home to an off-the-hook phone and an unapologetic feline.
05.30.03 - 10:07 AM / 16claudia said:
it's crazy, but 'disorientate' is a word--being 'disoriented' is "not knowing which way to go," but being 'disorientated' is "turning away from the east." Which begs its own set of questions, but at least now you can (as i do) manually grab the 'disorientated' party and spin 'em to the west, just to prove a point...
05.30.03 - 10:13 AM / 17Carla Beth said:
My dog Daisy barks at the mailman. So unoriginal that it breaks my heart: "What do you MEAN my pooch is just like YOURS?" She makes up for it when she forgets to RETRACT her tongue, leaving a wee bit sticking out. Also terribly UNORIGINAL, but terribly cute.
05.30.03 - 10:17 AM / 18dete said:
what about the ring itself? maybe it's got some irritating high-pitched tones up in that shit that catch him in the wrong way. (this coming from a person with no dog his whole life so...)
05.30.03 - 10:26 AM / 19Ana said:
my mom made her dog listen in the phone, needless to say everytime the phone rings the dog comes running and hits everything in the way to get there first. He doesn't stop burking until everyone says hi to him then you can talk. Its quite annoying.
05.30.03 - 10:31 AM / 20raggmopp said:
I have a cat who doesn't like it when I talk loudly or emphatically, as I do when repeating an exciting story. If meowing doesn't get the results he desires, he leaps onto my head. It about scares me to death. Point taken, kitty.
05.30.03 - 10:36 AM / 21jethro said:
Come on now. Southern accents are sexy. But talking 600% louder would be quite annoying. Your dog is just confused. You need to take him to the television pet psychiatrist so that he can know that it is ok to talk in a loud but sexy voice. GO SKYNRD!
05.30.03 - 10:41 AM / 22Charles R. Kaiser said:
As regards your "How to Annoy Me" entry. It _IS_ possible for one to become "disorientated." One simply has to be unaware of which direction is east.
05.30.03 - 10:44 AM / 23Melissa said:
So, as my mother always asks when my brother talks about his dog like it's a kid, 'When's that baby coming along?'
I wonder if that's why my kids cower in the corner when I talk really loud...oh wait that IS because I'm drunk!
05.30.03 - 10:57 AM / 24Kristin said:
My accent also seems to rear its ugly head when I'm drunk or angry...
Sadly mine's not sexy southern and I don't have a dog...it's more like a cross between Brooklyn and Boston and my boyfriend points it out and makes fun of it every time.
05.30.03 - 10:58 AM / 25Kevin said:
Unless you live in a place with a geographic landmark (like say, Utah or Tucson, Arizona), I bet most people are disorientated. We're all just disorientateers, not know east from a hole in the ground. When I moved to Virginia from Tucson, I felt a particular sense of disorientatation (ok, I'm done, I swear).
05.30.03 - 10:59 AM / 26aubs said:
My cats run when my house phone rings, since it does so rarely. I think they think it's the alarm or something. They have no qualms with sleeping ON the cell phone, however.
Re: the accent thing, my southern drawl gets crazy strong when I'm drinking. The strangest thing is that I'm from Ohio, land of accent-free-people, and have only lived in the south for 8 years now. Understandably, this confuses many people back home when I drunk dial them...
05.30.03 - 11:18 AM / 27jenB said:
my husband speaks at volume 11 while on the phone as well. the handy part is that he never has to reiterate the conversation for me, even from 2 floors away because i heard everything. yes, that part in star trek where spock rode kirk like a horse was funny, yes, halo is a great game, yes yes yes, i heard you.
05.30.03 - 11:19 AM / 28Peggasus said:
Oh yeah, way to make me feel bad, because my dog is DEAF.
No, really, she is. Why did I not know that dogs lost their hearing as they age? She is over 12 now, and doesn't hear the garage door go up, or me walk in the house, so I come in and catch her sleeping on the couch all the time. Busted! We have to stomp on the floor to get her attention, or clap very loudly. Oh well, at least I can vacuum now without her attacking it all the time.
May I make a dog-related suggestion? I propose a moratorium on the phrase "I think he/she smells my dog." Dogs will sniff anything. Period.
05.30.03 - 11:35 AM / 29dete said:
aubs,
did you ever watch the movie "gummo"? accent-free my arse!
ps. i believe everything i watch, especially foxnews ;)
05.30.03 - 11:39 AM / 30