Warning...
I was actually going to write a post about the comments I'm inevitably going to get now that I'm pregnant from people who think that my website should be a place for them to live out their wild and drunken fantasies, people who have come here and said before that marriage and moving to Utah and life itself has tamed me, people who are frustrated that I don't talk about lesbian sex anymore, and I made up this comment earlier today and sent it to a friend in an email:
"Dooce, babe, I'm sorry but you've totally lost it. I remember when you were a hip young thing in LA rubbing elbows with celebrities and getting drunk and shit. You've totally lost your edge. It can't be marriage, because I'm married and I'm still the coolest person ever. I'm totally bored with you now. Bye, bye."
You know the comments, they've been left here before. And they never leave a valid email address or website, or use their real name.
And then someone today left this gem, anonymous and with no email address, almost WORD FOR WORD like the one I made up. Amazing!
"Congrats, but I must say - I've found I'm pretty much done with this site. Nothing personal, but we're a long way from the shit talkin, booze drinking, running into stars, getting fired from her job, Dooce. Now it's just puppies, babies, and Martha Stewart. Hello LifetimeTV. Don't say, 'well don't read it then!' Because I won't - it's just that it was at one time exciting, hip and cutting edge. I wish you the best Dooce and Blurb, but I think it's time I sailed into the sunset. Yeah I know, you're saying 'good riddence.'"
The thing is, I'm totally not saying good riddance. I'm saying, BELIEVE ME, MOTHERFUCKER, YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH HORMONAL PREGNANT LADY.
You must have a dooce® Community account to leave a comment.
If you've already registered, login.
If this is your first time posting here, snag a free account.


get back to work Jim said:
I thought that poster was a real cunt!
And it feels good to be #1.
06.11.03 - 01:35 PM / 1the mighty jimbo said:
hoo boy! that kid is gonna have quite a vocabulary.
anyone wanna place bets on the first word?
06.11.03 - 01:35 PM / 2elissa said:
i still find you fascinating :)
06.11.03 - 01:36 PM / 3sales leads said:
I like your posts too.
06.11.03 - 01:46 PM / 4Jeff said:
I'm willing to believe you'll stay hep, but... You realize when this kid rebels, raised as he/she will be by whiskey-swilling badass heathens, there's decent odds the rebellion will come in the form of Mormon-fueled young Republicanism? Sheesh.
06.11.03 - 01:48 PM / 5eddo said:
What the Devil? I mean really, what is so AMAZING about their life? Where is their super website with tons of cool pics and entertaining banter about everything and nothing? Apparently, if they were coming here, then they were living vicariously through you anyway, and then the baby thing freaked them out because they just couldn't see theirself having a kid. What a LAMO!!
I've said it before- WE LOVE THE DOOCE!
06.11.03 - 01:49 PM / 6essie said:
Grrrr, argh, pffft, pllrrbbb...sigh. I don't know which onomatopoeic (had to look that puppy up and it looks like technically I'm using it wrong) word to pick, but poo with knobs on to the self-righteous, unbearably cool people. Plain old life can be interesting and seeing a slice of dooce's life through her eyes is fascinating and fun, because whatever it is, it won't be plain old. And truly, woe be the person who crosses the nauseous, hormonal pregnant lady.
06.11.03 - 02:06 PM / 7christine said:
Dooce... I, for one, will continue to read your stories because no matter where your life takes you, you will always be younger and hipper than I am. :D
06.11.03 - 02:09 PM / 8Kate D. said:
I've only been reading this site for, like, two months. I know what it's like to live in LA, hob-knob with famous people, drink large amounts of alcohol and I find that stuff all pretty dull. What I find exciting is people growing and changing. Finding love, buying a house, having kids. That's real life. The other stuff is just what you do while you figure out what life is. I've never posted a comment before...never felt the need...but you're anonymous poster is an idiot and will either wake up one day sad and alone or married with a dog, a house and a kid on the way. Either way they'll end up disappointed with what their life became. Congradulations on the baby. I hope it's a healthy and happy one. Remember, if the parents are happy, the kids are sure to be. Best of luck. Thank you for giving me a glimpse into your life. It gives me something better to do at work...other than work.
06.11.03 - 02:12 PM / 9Kate said:
People are stupid. The end.
06.11.03 - 02:14 PM / 10Daniel Hoarwitz said:
Life is about change if you can do it and we can't too bad for us.
- Daniel
06.11.03 - 02:14 PM / 11Lorelei said:
I didn't even know you were pregnant. Durrr. Well, congratulations on that. I'll keep reading your site.
06.11.03 - 02:40 PM / 12Kayjay said:
I am still mystified that people actually take he time to write and send messages ike that. If I get board reading a blog I used to like, I just stop reading it. No one makes you type in a URL, or forces you to look at the screen, and it doesn't make one bit of difference whether you read it or not, as far as the blogger is concerned. So why make a big, snotty production of it? It makes me think of grade school, walking up to someone with the "I'm not your friend/I'm not speaking to you" bit. I don't get it.
06.11.03 - 02:44 PM / 13Fox said:
The thing is, it's the writing, not the subject matter, that keeps me (and most others, I would guess) coming back. (Which isn't to say that reading about Hollywood fools, and lesbian sex isn't fun.)
It's difficult not to take comments like that to heart, but it's really just not worth it. Cowardly readers/commentors just don't deserve a second thought.
Anyway, you know how supportive most of your readers are. While that can be just as annoying, it's a lot nicer than the few jerks out there.
06.11.03 - 02:52 PM / 14mike.c. said:
mean people suck.
06.11.03 - 02:55 PM / 15Xanthan said:
Being cool is is for people who can't handle raising kids!
06.11.03 - 03:02 PM / 16Ryan said:
Change is inevitable. I'm not going anywhere.
06.11.03 - 03:06 PM / 17zak said:
You can never please everyone. If you were still living in LA and rubbing elbows with the beautiful people then the comments would be 'all you ever do is go out and get drunk and oogle celebs'.
Hello. People. Its called growing up. People evolve.
06.11.03 - 03:16 PM / 18estella said:
YOU ROCK. That same idiot had the balls to then come to MY site and leave bullshit messages in MY comments for telling him here that he was an idiot. Of course there was no email or website. If you're going to bring it, BRING IT WITH YOUR EMAIL, ASS.
06.11.03 - 03:17 PM / 19joy said:
Heather, I'd cover your back anytime. Hormone some more. Did I spell that right?
06.11.03 - 03:17 PM / 20estella said:
Hey, and how sweet is that Kate D.? Pret-ty sweet.
06.11.03 - 03:20 PM / 21Karin said:
I would venture a guess that the anonymoid who left that asinine comment has never encountered a hormonal pregnant woman before, or s/he would have known better than to piss one off.
Anything is cool as long as it's written about well, and so I think dooce.com qualifies, in spades.
06.11.03 - 03:35 PM / 22Lorie said:
wow i dont even know you and I'm damn excited! Congrats and a big FOOK YOU to that big stink. Why even mention they would stop coming here in the first place.. like you'd give a rat's ass. Man, what a crack up :D
06.11.03 - 03:45 PM / 23bruce said:
Just ignore the goddam boneheads. Motherhood and and being a badass aren't mutually exclusive.
Poop on 'em and keep up the good work.
06.11.03 - 03:48 PM / 24louisegyrl said:
and so what - your life has calmed down a bit - that doesn't mean that you aren't still interesting.
it's the real life stuff (like Kate D. said) that is really interesting anyway. keep writing - keep growing and changing - and good luck with motherhood!!!
06.11.03 - 03:58 PM / 25Honey Bear said:
Here is a little word of wisdom from your friend Honey Bear. Honey Bear loves to eat honey, but every now and then he get stung by some upset bee because Honey Bear is hungry and eating all the bee's honey. But you know what, that fuckin bee IS A GODDAMN BITCH, AND I SQUASH THAT MOTHERFUCKER DOWN WITH THE VENGENCE, MAN!. Shit, what the was I talkin about? Anyhow, the Honey Bear thinks some people with an opinion should sometimes JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP and CHOKE ON THEIR VOMIT. Seriously, though, fuck those detractors and tell them to step off before you lay a beating on them that their momma won't forget.
06.11.03 - 04:15 PM / 26that gay guy said:
i'll bet $50 on "motherfucker"
for the first word, of course
06.11.03 - 04:43 PM / 27posterboy said:
I've spent the past several years watching you transition from elbow rubbing with stars dooce to martha dooce stewart. And I still love you as much today as the day I started reading. Dooce will always will be #1 in my bookmarks.
06.11.03 - 04:50 PM / 28Kimberly said:
Sweety, being married and starting a family doesn't make you uncool...not knowing when to grow up is and anyone who can't be happy for you is a jackass! Your wit and style is impressive and I would trade a hang over for morning sickness any day! You will be a kick ass mom and still a kick ass partier when the time is right! Don't give up on us cause we wont give up on you!
06.11.03 - 04:51 PM / 29TS said:
like YOU of all people are worried about stupid opinions.
Like my momma always tells me..."the opinions of worthless people are worthless."
Fuck 'em.
It's not your surroundings that made you cool in the blog world. It's your fantastic writing style. It's your incredible wit. It's your outstanding grasp of the english language.
Only you could make Utah look cool and hip.
Once again. Congratulations! :o)
06.11.03 - 04:58 PM / 30