I Left My Baby in San Francisco
I think I've already established that I'm not so good at this Mother thing, what with not picking up my baby or loving her enough and all the times I've wrapped her up like a mummy in dangerous paper towels and left her to scream in the middle of the street.
In the weeks leading up to Leta's birth I received several gifts from friends, including infant clothing and receiving blankets, breast pads and tiny nail clippers. I remember looking at all the stuff and wondering, "What the hell do you do with a breast pad? Can you eat these things?" because I had NO EARTHLY IDEA what I was getting myself into. I honestly thought that the baby would come with all the clothes she needed. After giving birth to the baby and the placenta, I thought a whole package of cotton onesies would shoot out the birth canal, followed closely by several nightgowns and a six-pack of tiny pink socks. I had gained so much weight that I was certain Leta would arrive with luggage.
I've learned a lot in the last five months. I've learned that babies don't necessarily like to be dangled by their toes from the rooftop or to have their mouths clamped shut with clothespins. Duct tape works better at silencing the screaming than swings or strollers or diaper changes. I'm now an expert when it comes to breast pads (no, you cannot eat these things), and I can shoot breast milk at a target thirty feet away.
Jon and I are totally neurotic first-time parents, and we're learning how to do this whole thing day by day. I will admit that he is a little less neurotic than I am, and he doesn't throw things or growl or serve as a host body for Satanic demons. But every night we take inventory of what we've learned and add it to our notebook of parenting: Leta likes to be outside; Leta does not like the vacuum cleaner or other obnoxiously violent noises; Leta likes the book about the ladybug, does not like the book about the rocking horse; Leta will stop screaming if you sing her that new Morrissey song about forgiving Jesus for all the desire he placed in me when there's nothing I can do with this desire, and please don't sing it in your normal voice, you must sing it in your Morrissey voice, because SHE KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE, you stupid parent people.
Last week we were feeling a bit over-confident in our baby skills and made the monumentally insane decision to click the "Book Now" button on two plane tickets to San Francisco (Leta will be traveling for free, on my lap). We made this decision after two screamless days and after a shot or two of whiskey -- bourbon is good for the baby as it gives her liver practice for the hard life ahead. In that frame of mind we were thinking that not only could we travel with this baby, but also that she should have eight or nine brothers and sisters! There are actual days when babies don't scream! How cute is that! Let's have MORE non-screaming babies! Pour me another shot!
After the screamlessness wore off we were sort of confronted with the fact that shit, we're going to travel with this baby? What idiot made that decision? [points finger firmly in the direction of She who serves as host body for Satanic demons] HOW THE HELL DO YOU TRAVEL WITH A BABY?
No seriously, I'm asking you, how the hell do you travel with a baby? We have no idea what we're doing. Keep in mind that Leta rarely sleeps anywhere but in her crib, and she never falls asleep on our shoulder or in the stroller. How the hell will she fall asleep in San Francisco? Are there cribs in San Francisco?
Do you have any tips, other than to shoot myself?
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FM Living
Kristine said:
Travel light. Take only twice what you think you will need, not 10X. Don't bring ever implement you have, you can cut her toenails when you get home. They sell diapers in San Francisco, too. I always carry the car seat on the plane in the hopes there's a spare seat and the baby can be strapped in the seat instead of in my lap (safer and saner). If not, they'll check the thing right at the gate with your stroller, which you will roll to the gate with all your stuff. You get to pre-board, too! Cool! Bring the Bjorn, the D-70 and then just go with the flow. Have fun and remain calm, Leta will be calmer and (hopefully) you will, too. Oh, and breastfeed her on takeoff if you can, it helps keep her little ears from popping.
06.28.04 - 07:08 AM / 1WindyLou said:
I have heard that baby tylenol works wonders........but that might fall into the paper-towel chewing category of no-no's.
06.28.04 - 07:10 AM / 2Beerzie Yoink said:
Got any Vicodin left over from the birth?
06.28.04 - 07:11 AM / 3Pookins said:
I would think that the main thing would be to make sure she is eating when you take off and land. I hate the pressure on my ears and it must be miserable for a baby who can't clear them. Sucking on a breast or bottle would remove that. It wouldhelp prevent the screaming at least.
06.28.04 - 07:11 AM / 4Beerzie Yoink said:
(For you, not her.)
06.28.04 - 07:11 AM / 5pink said:
shoot leta.
06.28.04 - 07:12 AM / 6Valerie said:
My sister and I recently traveled to Chicago from Reno with her 7 month old. The hotel did have a play pen for him to sleep in and he slept well. On the plane we just had tons of treats and entertaining things...he didn't do so great on the plane but we had a 3 1/2 hour flight and you'll only have about an hour and 1/2 so maybe she'll make it... :-) Good luck, you'll be fine.
06.28.04 - 07:13 AM / 7Val said:
Find as many implements on the SF end as you can to borrow -- a car seat specifically. Yes to the breast feeding on take off and landing. Especially landing. ESPECIALLY. Flight attendants love to hold babies.
06.28.04 - 07:19 AM / 8Courtney said:
I too am faced with this conundrum. Fi is heading out to basic only a month before baby is born, so we will attempt to venture down to good ole Fort Benning, GA where daddy will be sweating his but off and we will be crying.
anywho, I have heard that the bjorn carriers are fabulous, and ia gree with the above poster about her ears, make sure she has a bottle or, pacifier-oh scratch that as I just remembered the drama from just a few weeks ago.
good luck
-Courtney
06.28.04 - 07:19 AM / 9Elizabeth said:
LOL -- No idea how you travel with a baby -- guess I refrained from the necessary alcohol intake to make that decision! But I promise to laugh lots at watching you try it! :-)
Seriously, we did do a long weekend once -- my car recorded temperatures of over 100 degrees. Point #1: Keep everyone cool.
Point #2: Evaluate everything you're bringing and decide if you really need it -- 'cause it turned out that we never used the bouncy seat. Preserve your lugging energy for the things you really can't live without -- like the favorite stuffed bunny/dog/duck. Otherwise, as long as you have face wipe diapers, drool bibs, and baby butt wipes, you can handle anything -- you can buy whatever you forget.
Good luck!
06.28.04 - 07:19 AM / 10Regan said:
Do they make baby nyquil? Or baby benedryl?
06.28.04 - 07:20 AM / 11Laura J. said:
Oh my gosh -- an opportunity to post a comment! You are so funny and it is so obvious how much you love that kid -- in spite of some of the things you write that completely and totally shock me senseless!
Most hotels have cribs available -- just ask the front desk. Bring blankies from home that smell like home -- if it works for a puppy, maybe it will work for Leta. But no matter how difficult it may get, resist the temptation to buy a binkie. It's a high price to pay after all your hard work in detox.
Enjoy your trip!
06.28.04 - 07:22 AM / 12Hilary said:
Whatever you do, DON'T try to change the baby in the airplaine bathroom. And be prepared to sing in public!
06.28.04 - 07:24 AM / 13Jen Blake said:
Well, after more long trips in the car than I can count in the last months (a 11 hour drive coming up this weekend!) with the now 7 month old Coleman, I can offer the following advice: if you do not have a pack n play it makes a great temporary crib, but hotels also have cribs if you give them warning (check for safety- some are OLD). Also, it is Benadryl that you want to drug her with- check with the nurse at her pediatrican's office for dosage and you need to try it at home first because it may make her hyper instead of out cold (as said by nurse at OUR pediatricians office who happily supplied us with benadryl, syringe and dosage info). I agree with buying diapers there instead of travelling with a ton of them, and you can also wash clothes at a laundromat if you need to instead of packing all 25 pair of pink pajamas. Do take along medecines and sunblock so you don't have to hunt for them when you need them most. AND take lots of compact flash cards for the d-70 or a laptop to dump the images on... you'll need the space. Enjoy!
06.28.04 - 07:24 AM / 14Reader said:
I will agree with the taking just twice what you would normally and not 10 times, and DEFINATELY breast feed her on take off and landing. If you don't have any moral objection, which after reading your blog for a while, I realize you don't, give her some baby tylenol before the flight. And if she screams, so what. Every flight I've been on there's been a fussy baby. At least it's a short one. And you're going to San Fran, not East India. There will be drugstores on every corner with all the stuff you'll forget. Just bring the portable crib if you have one or can borrow one. Bring a slew of onesies. Sure as hell, if you bring the whole "cute" wardrobe, she'll throw up all over it. DON'T PANIC. She'll probably do much better than you. Oh, be sure her blankie hasn't been washed so it smells like her.
06.28.04 - 07:24 AM / 15Meg said:
If you are staying at a hotel, most ~DO~ have cribs, or at least Pack-n-Plays. (Call ahead to ask/reserve one. Most hotels don't charge for their use.)
Also, don't forget, a roll of quarters takes up a lot less space than extra clothes. I'm sure that they have a laundromat SOMEWHERE in San Francisco.
Since you're nursing, don't forget to take a snack for yourself for travel time - you never know about delays!
06.28.04 - 07:25 AM / 16Jen said:
Forget the Bjorn and the nail clippers. Bring the bourbon for you AND her.
06.28.04 - 07:28 AM / 17bellacara said:
Actually, I think you are going to have a great time and Leta will just love it..giving you a false sense that you can take her anywhere, but that will change after 8 months when all she will want to do is crawl (or try to walk) everywhere. This is an incredible age to travel. Enjoy!
06.28.04 - 07:29 AM / 18alyssa said:
decide how much your sanity is worth and invest in a nanny and a third plane ticket in the back of the plane. :) kidding, obviously. i'm sure you'll be fine.
06.28.04 - 07:29 AM / 19Jae said:
Dear Dooce and Lady Leta,
We had a screamer too. And I traveled with him. The flight out of SLC wasn't bad. I nursed him at take off and he fell asleep. The flight home was worse... much worse. But I won't tell you that story. Even if Leta screams the whole way home you'll have an interesting story to post here about the angry man who asked you to sit in the bathroom with your screaming baby.
They do make children's Benadryl and I know how to figure out how much to give a tiny baby. Baby doses of Benadryl can either knock them out for a long winter's nap or wire them up so that they look like they're on speed. So it's a gamble.
They do have cribs in hotels, but I ended up sleeping with my screamer because the unfamiliar crib was a scary thing for him. But at least you'll have options.
Now, because I'm taking up way too much room already - leave most of the baby gear home. Take a stroller and the Bjorn, oh and some booze for the both of you should Leta find out that SF is really hell on wheels. And protest audibly the entire time.
06.28.04 - 07:31 AM / 20Sefeffa said:
Well, as a non-married, non-parent kinda girl, I can offer no advice on luggage and things of that nature. However, as a frequent flyer, I can say that I agree with Kristine and go with the breastfeeding advice or bring something for the little Leta to suck on (and to think, after the fact of The Weaning of the Dreaded Pacifier). I always feel so horrible for the parents and especially the little babes on takeoff when they're screaming their fool heads off because of the air pressure. So, as being one of those parents that could really do without said screaming, as enough of that occurs in regular air pressure, be sure to take that advice and good luck - I'm sure it's MUCH less stress than you imagine.
06.28.04 - 07:31 AM / 21amylee said:
The best advice I read about travelling with babies came out of a book someone got me: If the baby freaks out and howls for the entire flight, do what you can to *look* like you are trying to calm her and keep reminding yourself that you will *never* see these people again.
I had the same sort of thoughts going through my head before I got on a plane (by myself - a 2-hour flight) with my 4-month-old daughter. She cooed to everyone in the airport, fell asleep promptly upon takeoff and woke up cooing again at landing. I don't know who swapped *my* baby for that peaceful, quiet creature (and swapped them back as soon as we were in the airport) but I was grateful.
She's been on 4 flights since and has acted the same way each time. A couple of times she woke up fussy, but I stuck my boob in her mouth and she went back to sleep.
The added benefit was that if there was ANY open seats on the airplane, both passengers and airline staff worked out a way for me to have a row all to myself. *That* was cool.
Good luck.
06.28.04 - 07:32 AM / 22lorrie said:
Baby Benadryl. Get the clear stuff in case she is allergic to the red dye. Try it in advance to make sure that it doesn't make her more hyper, seems to do so in about 1 out of 20 kids. Dose liberally. It won't hurt her a bit.
06.28.04 - 07:33 AM / 23Kate said:
As someone with no baby, I am, of course, an expert. I don't know whether you bottle feed her yet (your milk) but that is often better than breast feeding on a plane. Also bring lots of entertaining things to do...books and toys (none that beep). For an hour and a half you should be fine. Even if she screams like a MF it's not for that long. It's a good practice run for the future.
In future I would buy a seet for the baby and strap her into the car seat.
As a childless person I never mind the screaming 5-6 month old, I mind the whiney 2 year olds. A 2 year-old knows the score and you can bring things for them to do. They're eating solids and cookies and you can bring them lots of snacks. There is no excuse for them to whine. A 6 month old, well, we all know there's very little the parents can do. Don't sweat it.
06.28.04 - 07:33 AM / 24Karan said:
If you plan to rent a car, ask for a baby seat...if you don't rent one, go to Toys R Us and buy one, then either leave it with the folks you visit or donate it. Don't give Leta a bottle or a boob (so she's hungry) until the plane is taking off...that way her ears will pop as she sucks saving lots of grief on the plane. Travel light...but interesting....new chewies/toys for Leta. She'll like looking at the people around her, so hoist her up to look...but make sure she's not too full because she'll hurl on the neighboring passengers. If you think you'll need two diapers on the plane, take four. Record her favorite songs and play them for her...quietly. Get a blow horn to blast at all the nasty comments and looks you'll get on the plane. Have fun. It's really not so bad...really.
06.28.04 - 07:33 AM / 25Elisa said:
Okay, every natural wholesome mother, please close your eyes now.
The tip: babies will not nurse when you want them to or you'll nurse them to keep her quiet as everyone is boarding the plane and hating you for having brought a baby, so she's too stuffed to eat at the appropriate time (for ear popping). So, bring a lollipop and give her a couple of tastes at landing and take off. She'll love the flavor and will swallow, hungry or not, all the sweet drool that she produces.
Go to a dollar store and stock up on throwaway stuff. Think mini-flashlights, every plastic toy you can score i.e. dinasour, shark, whatever, that you can buy 2 minutes of occupied time with. And in the future, make those red-eye flights since she'll be more apt to sleep then.
Do NOT give her benadryl to make her sleepy without firsthand knowledge that she reacts like that. In some infants, it wires them and you hate to find that out on the plane.
And relax yourself. Babies pick up on your feelings - so she'll pick up your stress. Its okay if you have a drink (read - one or have a designated parent!)if you can't get over the stress of this first time adventure.
It'll be fine! I've traveled many times with my 3 and have never been banned or chased by a mob yet.
06.28.04 - 07:33 AM / 26Jen said:
I've found that traveling with my son is NEVER as bad as I expected. The first time we flew with him he was 7 months old – we flew from CA to Florida — WITH layovers. All told, two takeoffs, two landings, about 6 hours total travel time. I fully expected to have to be "that mom" — the one with the screaming infant that the other passengers throw evil darts at with their eyes. But we were so pleasantly surprised. He slept almost the entire way — took a bottle on the way up and the way down and in general totally surprised the hell out of us. And Heather, I think you and Jon know a helluva lot more than you give yourselves credit for. You're gonna be fine. Best of luck!
06.28.04 - 07:37 AM / 27Amber said:
I've found that the things I dreaded the most with my daughter, such as travelling, always turned out just fine and if she screams oh well. Chalk it up to one more day as being a parent. Just be thankful you do breastfeed...no having to warm bottles up on the plane!
06.28.04 - 07:37 AM / 28Kevin said:
It sounds horrible, but it doesn't hurt the kid... give her some baby benadryl about 20 minutes before you board and she should sleep through the flight. She should have something spongy she can chew on during takeoff and landing (for the ear-popping). Also, bring lots of little snacks like cheerios and pretzels. And when all else fails, just remember that the flight from SLC to SF isn't that long, and screaming is good exercise.
06.28.04 - 07:38 AM / 29elyse said:
i have absolutely no baby experience (yay, college!), but since i adore you and your family i thought i'd try a suggestion: maybe organize some pretend trips over the weekend? i know a car's no airplane, but it's kind of got the motion and lack of space for maneuvering. if she can sit in your lap for a good hour and half and be good, or bad (oh teh nos!), maybe you'll get a better feel for the trip. it's like training for a marathon, haha.
best of luck!
all my wellwishing is to you guys.
<- elyse
06.28.04 - 07:39 AM / 30