Aw, what a great video! (See, only 1 exclamation point, this time).

I just got a puppy, and even though she's just a baby, she's learned to stand up against me in the kitchen while I cook, waiting for scaps of food to fall. Last week, she got a piece of fennel. And some chicken. And some goat cheese.

I'm a messy cook.

I read your post last week about the cancer. That is shocking and scary for sure, and my thoughts are with you.

You know, I was thinking of writing to you and telling you that your cancer is stupid and I could kick its ass. There are people RIGHT NOW whose cancer is, like, 100 times the size of yours and these people also have scurvy and are on fire, and you're whining about some itty bitty widdle cancer? On your arm? Plenty of people live without arms! Me, I have no limbs whatsoever and you will NEVER HEAR ME COMPLAIN.

That's how my dog "almost" rolls over too.

Oh, and she licks off our plates when we're finished too.

Cute dog. But, I couldn't stop looking at the floors. I have floor envy.

Thank you, Heather, for being brave enough to share the sucker-punches that life has thrown at you.

Some people have no life!!!! They must send hate-filled, anonymous letters to feel better about themselves!!! And to waste punctuation!!! And poor grammar!!! I can't take it!!!

Heather, I am so sorry people are such jerks.

In other news, your dog is hilarious. After reading your posts about training Chuck, we have finally hired The World's Best Dog Trainer. Well, at least, The Best In Our County.

The dogs are upset at no longer being in control of the household, but man, when I tell them to sit-stay before getting to eat, you better believe they do it!

Hope you are feeling well, you guys have been in my thoughts and prayers.

That is FANTASTIC! My dog, Belle, does the same thing when I'm cooking. And if I have to get something out of the oven, she does not move from in front of the oven. Oh no. She just slowly flattens herself onto the floor underneath the door to the oven while its open. They're such fun, aren't they? And they work so hard for those leftover dishes.

You mean there are people who don't let their dog lick their plates? We just don't let Fred the Wonder Corgi have any cheese, because it does things to his digestion which aren't pretty.

Cancer is scary and serious (and scary) no matter how small. Don't listen to morons who say it isn't.

We are a plate licking household (2 dogs = taking turns) and I hope Chuck never discovers the concept of traction. Mine have figured out the spots in the house where they can get a better "grip", and it's not so much fun for us.

And I'm just wondering, if cancer, no matter what size, is not worthy of a huge m-f'ing freakout, then what is? My english grandmother always said of these people that "if you've been shipwrecked, they've been drowned". And of course, they are a**holes (my words, not hers).

First, my husband and I have always felt that our dogs' mouths were much cleaner than most people, and we'd rather share our plates with our dogs, than complete strangers. Our sons will share lollipops with the dog, I tell them not to do this, but it isn't the grossest thing they've done, by far.

Secondly, Chuck hasn't figured out the trick to stop the plate, yet? Our dog puts her paw on the plate to keep it from scooting. Granted, she is the LAZIEST dog on the face of the earth and will find any means possible to not move.

Thirdly, (and most important) I hope all goes very well with your cancer...I fear that cancer, after all the time I spent in the sun as a teenager. My goal is to get checked out by a dermatologist, before the year is out. Good luck! (just had to sneak in an exclamation point somewhere)

perhaps there's a way to harness that force in order to mop? Sparkly floors all around! *( I used to toss a toy under the bed in order to get my dog to inadvertantly remove dust bunnies...)

I know many people expressed sympathy and shared their stories too. Any cancer is the scariest thing in the world to go through and what you are feeling is absolutely valid. Many people (read; A-hole emailers among them) want to feel as though they hold the patent on misery and that no one is allowed to out do them. I often call them "Mom".

Stay on the fast track to perfect health and give Ed a whoopin'.

I love all your Chuck stories. What kind of dog is he?

dogmom, my black lab, Mali does the same thing with the foot in the plate/dish. she is also far too intelligent for her own good, and often for my sanity.

Mali also has one of those food/treat dispensing balls that has to be rolled around a sufficient number of times before treats fall out. Mali quickly discovered that if you just repeatedly bang the stupid thing against the wall, the food comes pouring out! On top of that, it is, quite possibly the most irritating noise on the planet.

That is EXACTLY what my Lab looks like when he "helps" us clean up after dinner. And, I can't tell you how many times my husband or I will be receiving kisses from said dog when the other says, "You know he was just totally licking his ass, right?" I'm sorry about your diagnosis last week - we'll be thinking of you and wishing you a full recovery.

If everyone got half as much pleasure out of life, as Chuck gets out of licking dishes, there would be no need for drugs or alcohol.

So what if Chuck likes to lick dishes, and his balless ass, eat poop and lick faces. He's the happiest damn dog I've ever seen. You crazy psycho sanitary people, leave him alone and smile.

oh dear god. does that email person actually think you picked up the plates and put them back into the cupboard after chuck was done licking them?

honestly, some people just fail to grasp sarcasm.

me, i can't wait to drive my roommates crazy by putting my new crocs in the dishwasher!

i'm not quite sure why people feel the need to kick you in face when you are going through something that is in a word, "scary." my only thought is these opportunists clearly troll around the internet trying to make sense of their worth while making themselves feel superior at your expense.

ignore them. they don't have a clue.

HILAROUS video! I agree... What better way to pre-clean the dishes before loading them into the dishwasher that not only uses soap, but SCALDING HOT WATER THAT NO GERM CAN POSSIBLY WITHSTAND? And hell, a few germs are good for ya, I always say.

Good luck at the doctor... Everything is gonna be juuuuust fiiiiiine.

it is a shame that all of the exclamation points have been taken: so now i just stick to colons: sort of like that pound of ground beef: and, you know, people who leave disgusted emails ;)

Happy Birthday to you, Heather!

Did anyone ever tell you that Chuck has the longest neck ever?

You are entirely entitled to your freak out.

I try not to feed my Golden Retriever "people food" for fear that he'll end up weighing as much as me. He already eats everything, including the not edible things, so as far as I'm concerned, he can't be trusted.

However, on the rare occasion that he gets roasted chicken drippings with his food he will lick the bowl around the house in laps, and when he gets tired he'll push it behind the toilet and lay down and lick it with his head under the toilet tank.

I think he and Chuck would be fast friends. :)

Your dog rocks!
I also love the Leta babble going on in the background.
Good luck with the cancer thing. Pay no attention to the trolls. It amazes me that those people have time to live their own life, what with being in charge of telling everyone else what to do and think! They suck, you rock.

I heart Chuck!

My best to you!

I had been laughing at the Chuck video, but now I'm distracted by the unintended hilarity of Rachelle's comment.

First of all, any cancer is serious and it's not good. You have every right to freak out - in fact, I freaked out a little on your behalf last week. You have a healthy sense of humor about it, which is wonderful. Many good thoughts are being sent your way....

Secondly, not only do my husband and I let our two dogs lick our plates - we let them lick the leftovers off our 19 month old's highchair tray. I split the leftovers down the middle, remove the tray, and yell LINE UP! Both dogs stand on either side of me, anxious for the moment I bestow the tray upon them. I then continue to stand in the middle of them in order to make sure the smaller of the two gets her fair share (because the bigger dog is acting like a greedy a-hole). I also require that our babysitter knows this procedure, because I'd hate to disappoint the dogs. This is not to say that they don't have their fair share of plate-shuffling/pushing/etc, because that's just plain fun to watch! I wonder why they don't just work the plate into a corner, which would hold it securely? If only they had thumbs, we'd be screwed.

And finally, that bigger dog I was talking about? He is having a cancerous tumor removed tomorrow morning. I will wait for biopsies & so forth before I officially freak out.

PS - I DO clean the highchair tray before the next use. But then again, I also feed the dogs from my own fork from time to time. Never said we were classy!

I was reminded of a story my dad told me when I saw your shiny slippery floors.

My grandfather used to breed pedigree Scottish terriers. One year, a runt was born that the family had to raise by hand. They didn't have the heart to sell him when he grew up. He became their family pet, Rusty.

Every evening, my grandmother would give Rusty leftovers of the family's dinner for him to eat. This was in the 30s when one didn't have "dog" food. Plus, Roosevelt would gotten out of his wheelchair and walked to Missouri to berate them for wastefulness if they had thrown the scraps away.

Anyways, Rusty's dinner bell was the sound of the tin plate hitting the linoleum floor. Rusty would run at top speed into the kitchen to get some of those precious bits of beef stew. However, as soon as his feet hit the linoleum, his feet would lose all traction. Rusty would careen out of control and smash his nose into the kitchen cabinets. Every. Night.

One day, Rusty figured out a solution to the problem. No, no, he didn't slow down his one-dog race for the food. He kept running as fast as he could for dinner. But when he hit the linoleum, he used a little Tokyo Drift to spin himself around so that his butt would slam into the cabinetry rather than his face!

April
http://www.meretrice.com

Why have a dog, if not to clean up the dishes and floors after eating? Besides, Chuck is the shit.

My husband licks his own plates so Porter (our 7 mo. old Portuguese Water Dog) doesn't get the chance. However, he has learned that my husband is a messy eater and is now a very dedicated mop. It's great! Less bending over for the big-bellied pregnant lady.

Heather, There are so many comments on here, I can't imagine how you read them all. If you have time, I just want you to look and see if there is a scar on your side where we were separated at birth.
The only difference in you and me, besides 15 years or so, is that you put so eloquently on paper the thoughts that are racing through my head. If you and Jon ever decide to move, please move next door to me.

1- You have every right to lose your shit over being told that you have cancer, regardless of it's form or severity. I'm sort of disgusted that anyone would think/actually say differently.

2- Has any form of the phrase "Things could be worse" ever made a single person actually feel better? Ever? For even a split second? I really don't think so.

3- My dog does the exact same thing with licking the plates. She starts off in the kitchen and proceeds to loop her way around the entire house. You should see what happens when we let her lick the last of the peanut butter out of the container. Keeps us entertained for hours.

We have two chihuahuas in our home, and it is a given that they are the first part of our dishwasher's wash cycle. No need to pre-rinse when you have a chihuahua or two around the house.

Hi Heather. My first time commenting and I am pretty gosh darn excited about it.

I just wanted to say, posts like these are so damn funny that this is why I keep coming back. You crack my shit up.

Oh yeah, and I just LOVE Chuck!!!!

Although the Chuck movie makes me laugh (as they all do), I believe that my favorite part of this post is the [sic].

Aw shit, sorry Heather, for I am an exclamation point whore - with poor grammer at times to boot.

As for the haters, all I have to say is FUCK 'EM!! (Now, that deserves at least one don't cha think?)

i failed to see the humour in making fun of someone else's pain. glad you have your limbs and not scurvy but you still seem shorthanded on social skills and compassion (and awareness... people without hands or the use of them do more than you might believe).

p.s. I agree with AmyFrances - the [sic] was lovely.

My dog can't eat anything other than his dogfood for two very important reasons:

1) Oftentimes he will decide that the "new" food was so delicious and exciting that he will throw it up just to get the chance to eat it again.

2) Being a pitbull he has sensitive digestion and when his digestive areas become angered by strange foods they unleash a lethal chemical weapon into the air, chasing everyone in the house outside fearing for their very lives.

On the other hand he will do anything for cheese and I'm thinking of using that to teach him to get me beers from the fridge. "Sanchez, it's Miller Time. It's Miller Time, buddy."

I love chuck. he makes me happy.

And now I know how you keep your floor so clean...

That post reminded me of this poem:

Self Improvement
Tony Hoagland

Just before she flew off like a swan
to her wealthy parents' summer home,
Bruce's college girlfriend asked him
to improve his expertise at oral sex,
and offered him some technical advice:

Use nothing but his tonguetip
to flick the light switch in his room
on and off a hundred times a day
until he grew fluent at the nuances
of force and latitude.

Imagine him at practice every evening,
more inspired than he ever was at algebra,
beads of sweat sprouting on his brow,
thinking, thirty-seven, thirty-eight,
seeing, in the tunnel vision of his mind's eye,
the quadratic equation of her climax
yield to the logic
of his simple math.

Maybe he unscrewed
the bulb from his apartment ceiling
so that passersby would not believe
a giant firefly was pulsing
its electric abdomen in 13 B.

Maybe, as he stood
two inches from the wall,
in darkness, fogging the old plaster
with his breath, he visualized the future
as a mansion standing on the shore
that he was rowing to
with his tongue's exhausted oar.

Of course, the girlfriend dumped him:
met someone, apres-ski, who,
using nothing but his nose
could identify the vintage of a Cabernet.
------------------------------------------

What a BETCH she must have been, hmm? ;)

see.. you can utilize this "feature" of your pet in more than one way...

next spread food across the floor to really get that 'dog-spit' shine.

I had nightmares (yes. for real.) about your cancer. And you. And John who had morphed into a siamese twin with my husband. And we were trying to scrape this crazy scary mole off my arm but it kept moving. And Leta was doing the hula in a grass skirt.

It scared my hubby when I woke up. I didn't even go to work that day- I was almost physically ill. I think I need to not eat sugar free pudding and take painkillers before bed.

I don't blame you at all about the dog licking thing- ours lick our faces (and their crotches, although not really simultaneously) and we've not died yet.

But shoes? (even my beloved crocs) in the dishwasher? May. It. Never. Be.

Just too weird.

To be completely un-PC...have you ever watched an armless woman cook spaghetti with her feet? And then had to eat said spaghetti? It didn't matter how many times you sanitized her feet with Purell, it just didn't change it- the risk of toe jam in my 'sghetti.

Bad Jon. And bad bad readers that comment mean things.

And to wander down memory lane...I remember as a kid getting cut outside on some rusty metal (probably needed a tetanus shot, but oh well) and my dad telling me to go let the dog lick the germs out.

Of course, I don't think Brit Brit's a bad parent for letting Sean Preston drink little sips of beer to settle his colic either.

This has nothing to do with this post, but since you didn't have comments enabled on your first post this morning, you'll have to excuse me for backtracking a little.

My fiancé Jon called me from Texas a few weeks ago to relate the following story: he was at dinner with some friends, and his friend's children, niece and nephew. His nephew, who is ten, highly respects my fiance because they play all the same video games.

As J was finishing up some sushi, he glanced over at his friend's nephew, grinned, and said "Hey S., have you ever had wasabi?" This poor child fell right into the trap and said "No, what's that?"

"Oh, it's this green stuff that you put on sushi. Here, try some." And he gave the kid a big ol' hunk of wasabi, which S. then placed in his mouth, smacked at for a few moments, and then either a) made some very horrified and panicked faces, b) exclaimed, "Oh my God!" or c) both of the above, as he reached quickly for a glass of water. (I'm not too clear on the specifics because they've changed with each telling of the story.)

J's friends nearly fell off their chairs, and J was very proud of himself (as was I). I laughed a lot at your post this morning and read it to him as he lounged in bed. He approved.

I hear ya on this. I find paper plates under the couch all the time, and I recently found a tupperware container under my bed. I think half the fun for my dog is "chasing" the plate.

I love the way you mention that it was a cardboard lasagne tray. To silence further critics.

And couldn't Jon have used the [clothes] washing machine instead? Did he wash the clogs in a cycle with the dishes, or by themselves? Does your dishwasher have the fabulous "sanitize" feature?

Thank you for your writing. I am sending all good wishes to you from Philadelphia!

If only all creatures had opposable thumbs. Sigh.

Cancer is scary... thanks for being brave enough to talk about it.

The person who sent you that very bland email obviously does NOT have a dog! Or, if she/he does, it is probably an outdoor dog! Our dogs are members or our family and as such, are allowed to eat off our plates too whenever a special occasion arises.

One of the very best dogs every - the dog I got when I finally moved out of a dorm and into an apartment at college, and who I had before I even met my husband - died 3 months ago. Let Chuck eat off a plate any damn time you please! The thing I regret most is not having had the opportunity to get my dog, Argie, her favorite food - french fries from McDonald's - before we had to put her down (it was an emergency). If I could have, I would have gotten her ten super-size packs and served them up on a silver platter to her.

Only dog people understand!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To the person who claimed that Heather's cancer isn't "serious enough":

I do think that your head, that has been firmly implanted in your ass, warrants medical attention and is, in fact, "serious enough". Have that removed before you try emailing again.

Thank you.

PS.. same goes for the person who gets all pukey when faced with a plate licking dog. Don't come to my house for dinner.

What is the point of having a dog if you don't shamelessly spoil him/her? I think denying a canine friend sloppy leftover licks would be cruel and unusual punishment. I always allow my boy to lick the plates. And when I drop something on the floor, I just holler for Scout to come clean it up. Dogs double as man's best friend and a vaccum.

That email reminds me of another email you wrote about once... of FRANCE!!!!

Not to mention she had it all wrong, too.

I agree, some people DO have bigger problems in life... as illustrated by their shitty emails to people they don't know in random places across the internets no less.

Don't all dishwashers wash dishes at a million degrees?

Does this person not wash their underwear or sweaty socks in the same machine that washes, say, the wash cloth they use to wash the stupidity off their face?

I would just like to say that in our house we refer to this cycle of the Beagle cleaning the plates before they enter the dishwasher as "Puppy pre-clean".

It's highly efficient and saves tons of energy since we never need to use that heavy duty Pots and Pans cycle.

KJC - My 3-year old learned how to french-kiss from our dogs! One day, she tried to french-kiss me and I thought for sure she learned it at preschool. I asked where she learned to kiss like that, and she said - from Mango (our good dog...but not a person-dog)! We had to explain that maybe that wasn't such a great idea...not that WE don't do it (haha), but when you're a mom, you have to kind of point out the things that others might make fun of you for!

I would say something witty and down-putting about that e-mailer, but you pretty much covered it, I think. As for the clogs, I winced when I read that they were in the dishwasher; I don't care how hot the water gets, I would still be aware that there was toejam swishing around in the water with my plates, and that is not okay. But even then I wouldn't care enough to write an incensed e-mail about it, jeez.
As for the cancer-bashers, I am speechless.
And when our dog was alive, we totally let her do a pre-wash for us. Why the hell not? People spit, dog spit, whateva.

Heather, GREAT video, I love Chuckles. He reminds me of my dog Jasper, who also licks a plate around a room and just yesterday did the butt-up-in-the-air-while-crouching-his-upper-torso-under-a-chair move when the plate meanders under the dining table.

I am so, so sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis. I know you will beat it though, cancer doesn't stand a chance against such a cool, tough chick. I wish you a speedy treatment and recovery. (And I love your very humorous way of dealing with the naysayers)

I can't remember who suggested using this situation to clean the floors somehow, but it was a fantastic idea. You should duct-tape a Swiffer on the bottom of the dish, sit back, and put your feet up. And have a bourbon or three.

Cancer is just plain scary. Even the word "cancer" is scary. They should call it something different- like saying, "You have stage three colon superhappyfun disease" isn't nearly as awful to hear, is it? We're wishing you all the good health in the world, Heather. Thank you for telling us.

Oh my goodness, it's a good thing your disgusted reader has never been to my house. My dog considers it his sacred duty to ensure that I've properly rinsed the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, he verifies their readiness for washing by licking up any morsels I've missed. Oh, he also does the "look mommy, I'm ignoring you and the food and being good, don't you think I deserve a treat" thing. God I love my dog. Who doesn't let their dog have the left overs? Freaks.

Oh, by the way, I completely agree with you, clogs in the dishwasher are way worse than dog spit on the dirty dishes.

That is one cute doggy dog! :)

Hey, I have three dogs who are all quite opportunistic, and the oldest one does in fact do the dishwasher prewash. She has been eating her poop since she was a puppy. She will be 14 years old this September. So, I've been living w/ a poop eating, dishes licking dog for almost 14 years, and you know what? I'm one of the healthiest people you'd ever know. Sometimes I think Americans just get entirely too freaked out w/ cleanliness and the war against germs and all that.

Besides, if you ever have a party, let me tell you, clean up is SO much faster when you have a dog. Put the stuff on the floor and watch Chuck take care of it.

You know Heather, you just can't seem to win. On the one hand, some people accuse you of writing about superficial stuff. Then when you write about something serious and substantial like cancer, other people accuse you of being an opportunistic whore. Shees.

For the rest of us who are grounded, intelligent, and truly appreciate quality writing, please accept our thanks for letting us into your life.

Keep us posted on your battle against skin cancer. It sounds like you have a great doctor who will be proactive, which is exactly what you need.

Heather,interestingly enough, after reading the posts where you mentioned your cancer, I thought that, if anything, you were under-freaking out. You certainly weren't being a drama queen (and damn it, anyone who gets cancer has a RIGHT to be a drama queen). You mentioned it, made humorous remarks about it, and kept the rest of the story to yourself...and your family, I'm sure. And I assumed that everyone would understand and respect what you are going through. Stupid me. Oh, wait. Stupid them.

Rochelle...way to play that off like you didn't think she was serious. But, sorry ....DUH.

Let me not be the first to say that there are some seriously DUMB individuals running around in the world, the ability to puchase a Dell and sign online does not validate intelligence whatsoever. Am I right? Being in cyberspace just means a new venue to vent stupidity.
Luckily, we have Dooce,and Jon, and some other neat unrepressed people who are comfortable enough with their own humanity to bring the rest of us a little moment of light, and spark our compassion for others.

Happy Birthday Heather, tell Jon and Leta to kiss that boo-boo and make it better. Anyone with a problem with this one-of-a-kind woman can kiss my entire cyber ass. Email me and I'll set your punk ass strait.

ps....has Leta seen "All Dogs Go to Heaven" yet? it's a classic :) Jez

Welcome to people. I am surprised you haven't met them yet. I sure have,

jackie, that is really what i was trying to say so thanks for saying it so well.

It drives me nuts that people won't remember that rule from Bambi "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it." Then my rule, "If you don't have anything nice to say, but it's funny, then go ahead."

I am sorry that people seem to take off their tinfoil hats and put their meds in a pez dispenser before emailing you.

My dogs eat off our counters and our dining room table. Yes we wash them. Sometimes.

About the cancer; peace, prayers and luck. Wishing you the best.

My uncle had polio as a child, so at 60 his legs are extremely frail...

When I was a child he lived with us, along with his dog Meynard. My uncle always had HUGE open sores on his shins and he'd let the dog lick them. I remember thinking that was the most disgusting thing in the world. He explained that there was something in the dog’s saliva that kept the sores from getting infected. The sores were a constant thing for him, so he was always having to medicate them....with his dog, it was free medication....and oddly enough, the dog enjoyed himself.

I love Chuck videos. Don't take any crap from any crazy @ss Internet users - we love you, be strong, fight the cancer.

xoxo from Boston

I can't believe it took like 100 comments before someone started listing foods that are TOXIC! to DOGS! Is this a new record?

Thinking of you, Heather. And Happy (early?) Birthday

I barely ever give my dog any human food, but when I do, you would think I was feeding her for the first time in three weeks. She can sit and stare at her Nutro all day long without a reaction, but you throw a plate with turkey and gravy on the floor and she will lick the plate for hours. Even long after the food or sauce or any other remnants is gone. It is like she is licking up the aura of the food, as if to capture just one more tiny fragment of the goodness.

Dogs always have a way of making us feel like we are horrible, horrible people, and that we should be ashamed of ourselves for ever dreaming of giving them dry dog food containing chicken lips and ass and other byproducts. When her sad, sad eyes look up at me from that plate that is licked dry of the turkey and gravy, I feel like the biggest heel.

Chuck rules. I wonder how far he would go if you put a plate of peanut butter on the sidewalk? I bet he could make it clear across town!

We have less shit to clean off the floor because of our dogs. We trained them to go into the bathroom when we eat and it even got to the point that they would retreat there when we were fixing our meal. Once we are done eating we call them and they lick our plates. It's called the pre-wash cycle. Now when Fuller is done with his meal he calls out "May-poh! May-poh!" to indicate that Maple may now come out to lick his plate. We also eat similar lasagna and get the same push and lick action from both our dogs.
And as an aside, our son is 21 months old and he already is in charge of feeding the dogs. He loves to open and close things, so he enjoys opening the food hopper when he notices the bowl is empty.

I let my dog Shian do the same thing, though I usually brace the plate/pan with a couple of chairs. Though it dosent help some of the time. Honesly I find most people to be more disgusting then Dogs and would rather Shian Lick the plates clean then have certian people I know eat off them.

I about fainted when I heard about your arm. I don't give a flying F*** what anyone says, any form of cancer is serious and you should be allowed to freak out in anyway you see fit. My Father in Law had cancer on his nose, its all taken care of now but at the time it was scary as hell. I don't know what your going through but here is a big *Huggles* to you and your family.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm trying to use them all up.

!!!!!!!!!
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!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!
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!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!
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My 9 year old lab mix Katy will put her paw on any plate/dish/pan that has stuff stuck on it. Those sticky pans (and peanut butter jars) can keep her busy for an hour.

Dog owners let their dogs lick plates. Isn't that why they invented dishwashers??

For goodness sakes.

Anyone with half a brain AND a Chuck Calendar knows that July is 'Chuck Eats Pasta Month' and eating anything pasta (including lasagna) is to be expected.

Really, Heather...some people are just so out of it!

Happy 'Chuck Eats Pasta Month' to you and yours :-)

Why o why can't I get this dog-plate-licking thing off my mind today??? I just don't understand why anyone would care if you didn't make THEM eat off of the un-cleaned plate!

Anyway...I had to share another thing we do: Since I was 7, we have always made our dogs Thanksgiving plates. We put every single thing that we eat on their plate, including pumpkin pie with Cool-Whip, except anything with onions on it of course. Guess I have to watch out for grapes now too!!!! Watching their eyes while we're preparing their food (they remember!) and seeing them eat is one of the best times of the entire holiday season.

Chuck will help you deal with your cancer (my husband just had a lesion removed from his chest skin and he is 32...just for comfort, he has had an easy time with it thankfully). Chuck deserves anything you want to give him. Ok, enough from me!!!!!!

Unbelievable. Talk about kicking someone when they're down. You find out that a potentially fatal disease has touched you, and people still find a way to spew venom. You are VERY entitled to freak out.

Love the video! :)

I got my second cat right around Thanksgiving four years ago, and he was about three months old at the time. Well, my cousin had given me this awesome plate of Thanksgiving leftovers, and I had just heated them and set them on the table to go get a can of pop when, looky there, there he was with both front paws in the Tupperware feasting on the mashed potatoes. You know, cats -- the ones who stand where they shit and then lick their butts? And guess what? I didn't die, either.

It'll all be Ok. Good thoughts to you.

Heather,

Fuck. I freaked out about your skin cancer and I don't even know you. Seriously, it made me think, Dooce has skin cancer so maybe I should put some sunscreen on before riding across town all bare armed in the really-hot-sun-beating-down-on-several-portions-of-exposed-skin-afternoon. If you didn't freak out about your skin cancer I would wonder what was wrong with you (the answer to that is clearly: nothing. You are a very normal person.)

For the record: I would allow my dog to clean my plate if I didn't live with my husband. Also, clogs in the dishwasher? I have to be honest here. I would probably do that too.

Take care of yourself and feel free to hit the "delete" button if you feel the need.

I can't wait to have a dog again - they keep the floor clean, as well as the plates. We just have a cat now (my husbands) and he just is too picky to clean the plates off completely or eat what I drop on the floor. I hate cleaning up food that has dropped or wasting food I can't eat, dogs are very helpful.

Screw the naysayers! This person is obviously a freakizoid! I got your back mami!!
Any form of anything that is not supposed to be there ..is scary and you have the total ability to say whatever you want about it! I commend you for the way you use humor to put light on what is a very scary situation, I 'll be damned if someone is gonna tell me not to bitch moan or anything! I just had a breast biopsy because I had a lump that kept growing over the past couple years, thankfully it was benign but still , I am a mother , wife...ect.. I have every stinking right to worry, complain , bitch and if nobody likes it they can all kiss my hoo-ha!

We have this running joke, whenever the cats or dogs in my life