You Should Probably Not Post Any Comments to this Site if You are Any of the Following:
The sociopathic co-worker I dated at the end of 1999.
Someone who insists on using the word "dawg" in reference to anyone in his "posse."
Someone who complains about the comments but insists on reading them anyway.
My Granny.
My hair-stylist. My god, the ammunition you have.
Anyone who has cute, coifed eyebrows that came that way. Bitch!
Anyone who complains about the way the comments work or are displayed. No where on this site does it say I care.
A member of the BYU alumni association.
Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen
Anyone who says "volumptuous."
The person who can't remember the name of my dog, and so refers to him as "Chick."
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. ae said:
ok.
2. rd said:
That's better. Thank you.
3. faithy said:
I just overplucked my eyebrows so now one is shorter than the other... so I believe I am still ok.
4. Mary-Kate said:
Yo, dawg, why you gotta be including these dumb comments. And posting stories about your dog Chick. Wanna go out again?
5. Gaspar said:
You're still not showing your new haircut. Can't be this bad, or can it?
6. neil said:
fuck yeah, dooce. you rule.
7. Heather #2 said:
Uh-oh, Sarah B. She's talkin' 'bout your girls! Dooce, I think them there's fightin' words.
8. jennifer said:
Dooce, you do, in fact, rule.
9. Kyle said:
So far I think I'm still allowed to do this. Even though for some reason I thought it was the dog that got the haircut in your last post... I am such a loser.
10. Sarah B. said:
Like my girls could even figure out how to type in a URL, yo. Bless their little hearts.
11. Chad said:
Fraggles are cool.
12. jonah said:
What about a person who dreams of a volumptuos Mary-Kate and Ashley?
13. ismat said:
Any suggestions for people you do want commenting? Like, say, Jake G. or James G.? Whoa, both of their last names begin with G. I startled myself.
14. Matt said:
Volumptuous should be a word, as in, so voluptuous that you're lumpy. Like "that girl's got so much back that she's volumptuous." Hmmm. I rescind my suggestion.
15. kentucky mule rider said:
Too bad they didn't get naked in your kitchen - http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/
Awful/Archive2002/021010f.html
16. zach said:
do you like people who say boobies on dooce?
17. megchem said:
What about the loser who called you "booooring" I wanna bitch slap her...
18. jimmypage said:
d00ce: the sociopathic co-worker you dated at the end of 1999 wasnt asian, by chance, was he? -jp
19. dooce said:
as far as i'm concerned, the more boobies the better.
20. eggbert said:
i think you're entitled to do whatever you like. either that or you can ban ip addresses.
21. smark said:
i ain't asian and i never i never thought of myself as a co-worker. i thought we were more of an "amalgam". does this mean it's over? dawg?
22. Etta Kett said:
Right on, sista!
23. Arnold said:
I actually like "voluptuous". It's "supposably" I can't abide.
24. Arnold said:
Whoops... that was supposed to be "volumptuous" :)
Who said asians can type?
25. David said:
It didn't say "lazy-ass stoner" in there so I think I'm ok.
26. swona said:
i'm addicted. i'm hooked. and i don't even know you.
27. peggy said:
boobies boobies boobies
28. aprilgem said:
Oh, goodie. I am not any of those things you listed. ::singing:: Dooce est ma vie, ma vie dans tes blog...
29. Anita Applebaum said:
Do people actually call you dooce or should we call you Heather? Should we be calling is really the question. Yeah, the dog needs his own site, but I warn you, it can become obsessive. You'll be constantly updating everytime your baby does something new.
30. Morgan said:
If the Olsen twins ever e-mail you bemoaning their banishment from your site, please feel free to send 'em on to me.
31. nita said:
the people with those eyebrows have always fascinated me.
32. ed f said:
dooce for prez-o-dent.
33. P.E. said:
My eyebrows only grow halfway across. Everyone else in my so called family has perfect eyebrows. As if I didn't have enough reasons to hate the bastards already.
34. Dirty? -- Pero. said:
I like the comments - the way they work and the way they are displayed. I like the site. I like the content. and I like Chuck. Whoever complained - DON'T MAKE me BEAT your Ass.
35. Igor said:
Yo, dawgs !
All y'all who be a membah o' da Dooce posse, Word up !
Mad props to da chick whose mad about Chuck, don't cha know.
To all numbah 10 D-tractors who feel da need ta diss the miss, get the fuck out of here, double time ! Who needs yo' ass anyway ?
To all da membaz o' da krew : get ya groove thang goin' !
Peace.
36. I ain't your granny said:
I've got the eyebrows of Frida Kahlo, now will you show your new haircut?
37. lin said:
"Anyone who has cute, coifed eyebrows that came that way. Bitch!"
I want cute, coifed eyebrows dammit.
38. galt said:
it's funny that no one can come up w/ a BYU alum assoc joke...fertile ground lying fallow, methinks.
39. Jeneane said:
you forgot small teeth. never trust anyone with tiny teeth. GWB is an example of this odd phenomenon. No comments from tiny teethed people is the way to go.
40. Sharon said:
I'm just glad you are back, dawg! You too, Heather. And your boobies.
41. julia said:
you are so right on the tiny teeth thing.
and shouldn't it be the eyebrow (singular) of Frida Kahlo?
42. ericalynn said:
Hey, wait. I have small teeth. Or, as my dentist put it years ago, "petite teeth, deal with it."
43. WYLIE KYOTO said:
How 'bout anyone who says "nukular" about forty-seven times in a speech?
44. P said:
All I know is that I still want to sleep with 1) Claire Forlani 2) Rebecca Gayheart and......
45. i forgot said:
JOSH HARTNETT!
46. Kevin from Seattle said:
Speaking as another lazy-ass stoner, I'm all for boobies; when I hear "nukuler" I start grinding my teeth till you can hear them creak; and boy howdy is it nice to be able to visit the dooce universe in real time.
47. ed f said:
i was just wanted to interject a thread from that 5 Famous Fuckers post, from the other day, that I would jump in the sack with Tina Fey from SNL, any day of the week. She is one sexxy momma. ok, back to this day's post...
48. Charon said:
I'm just glad to see you're back to your writing ways ....
49. sourbob said:
So Dooce, aren't you bootylicious anymore? Just asking. 'Cause my bookmark still says "dooce.com | bootylicious since 2001."
50. nikky said:
supposebly
51. stennie said:
is it okay to say "irregardless"?
52. so-sociopathetictocandyoudon'tstop said:
why should i probably not?
"dated"?
53. Marybeth said:
What about people who say...supposebly?
54. r3 said:
How about people who use "myself" when "me" is proper word usage.
Example:
"If you have any questions, please ask Bob or myself"