Here goes nothing
At the beginning of July I was served court papers. The case is a matter of public record, and I'm sure anyone who wanted to do a little research could read every sordid detail, or at least the plaintiff's one-sided account of the details, but I'm not going to get into any of the specifics here other than to say that I chose not to sign a contract and was sued because of that decision.
There hasn't been a single moment in the last three and half months when I didn't think we were going to lose our house trying to pay legal fees.
Settlement papers were filed earlier this week officially ending what has been the most traumatic, agonizing, demoralizing experience of my life. I have no faith in our legal system, one that guarantees victory only for the party who can afford to pay for it, one that would allow a large company to bully a private citizen because it knows that she has no money with which to defend herself. I am angry and bitter and feeling all sorts of unbecoming emotions. More than that, though, I am afraid that these people are watching everything I say here, ready to pounce on a single word, twist it, manipulate it, and then sue me again.
I haven't said anything about this before now because that was the counsel of our lawyers, and I'm sure that if they read this they will recoil, shake their heads, and then charge me $350 for having expended energy thinking another second about my case (I can hear one of them calling the other to say, "Dammit! She wrote about her feelings!"). I understand why they haven't wanted me to talk about this, but I have felt completely dishonest in remaining silent, in putting on a brave face when inside I was feeling as black and dramatic as every lyric written by The Cure.
So here we are, on the other side, and Jon and I are bewildered and confused and not sure where to start picking up the pieces. We can't shake this creepy feeling that we've been violated in the most disgusting way, made to fear the loss of the roof over our heads. I firmly believe that the mystery illness Jon suffered in August was a direct result of the stress he was trying to cope with, the stress of trying to remain calm and level-headed as he watched his wife collapse frequently into a sobbing heap on the floor. I have not handled this well.
I have also felt completely responsible for putting my family through this, for being the reason that our futures were jeopardized, and the guilt of that has been almost too much to live through. There have been too many moments like the ones I felt two years ago when it made sense for me to go away, made sense for me to leave because they would be so much better off without me. But unlike two years ago I can actually see how idiotic thoughts like those are. Plus, if I went away, I wouldn't get to hear Leta say the moment after waking up from a nap, "Mom? I want chocolate cake."
I could use some chocolate cake, too.
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FM Living
Pascha said:
Wow, I cannot imagine what you're going through. I truly hope everything turns out well for your family.
10.12.06 - 09:03 AM / 1Bridget said:
Please don't go away--I check your site often for a laugh or to offer my support to you. Your writing has made me want to be a better person. I hope this nightmare is over for you...
10.12.06 - 09:04 AM / 2Alissa Szarek said:
I'm so sorry for everything your family has gone through. Sending good thoughts your way and putting on my angry eyes for whoever has put you through this.
10.12.06 - 09:05 AM / 3serena burrows said:
There is nothing that I can really say, other that I am thinking of you and your family and hope that it all works out well.
10.12.06 - 09:05 AM / 4geekbruin said:
oh, heather. i'm so sorry.
10.12.06 - 09:06 AM / 5Pascha said:
And please stop blaming yourself. I obviously don't know the details of what'a going on, but I'd bet anything that Jon does not blame you, but is incredibly greatful that you were there the entire time. Now go eat your cake. :)
10.12.06 - 09:06 AM / 6Joceline said:
Heather, I'm sorry for all you've been through. My parents were sued last year for leaving their former company and starting their own (gasp!), and I have seen the stress, fear, and sheer panic that it can cause. Please, try to relax and breathe deeply and move on now that it is over. I hope you are okay.
10.12.06 - 09:10 AM / 7molly_g said:
Heather, it sounds like you've joined in the league with Oprah and other powerful folks that get sued for slander every time they offer up a preference that would put marketing exec's panties in a twist. Congrats!
Oh, and please do not stop doing what you do. I love to read about your feelings.
10.12.06 - 09:11 AM / 8DeliciouslyTormented said:
Heather,
I have no words. I am sorry that your family has lived this experience. I can only send you my prayers, and best wishes.
10.12.06 - 09:11 AM / 9jodiw said:
That's what family is for, Heather! They love us even when we make them sick! And you'd be the rock for John and Leta if they needed you to be, too. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this. Now stick it to the man!
10.12.06 - 09:13 AM / 10Kari said:
That pisses me off. Without knowing any of the circumstances of the case...but it's not fair. It's not fair that you should have been punished for blogging about your job (even if it did make you famous) and it's not fair that you'd be punished for writing about your feelings. (I'm only assuming the suit had something to do with your blog).
I'm so impressed and entertained by the level of personal detail you are willing to share with the Internet, and I hate the idea of your ever being bullied away from your blog again. I wish I could be as honest on my blog, and you're supposed to be the inspiration that allows me to open up more.
Damn them lawyers.
Please don't go away.
10.12.06 - 09:13 AM / 11stephanie said:
if i could send you chocolate cake, i would. but if i were you, i wouldn't eat chocolate cake sent by a stranger on the internet. even if you were feeling crappy and it was really good. so i'll just hope jon brings you some.
i don't know. this morning my boss gave me a 'talking to' [hardly, except that i've never been told at a job that i've done something wrong] and i nearly burst into tears. i can't imagine how i would be holding up if something that actually mattered exploded in my face.
from what i can tell, you're a pretty strong lady. keep it up. and if you can't keep it up, i'll tell you what i tell my best friend what she needs to hear whenever she needs to hear it, which is pretty often - keep it up for your daughter. i know you will.
10.12.06 - 09:13 AM / 12mary said:
Losing your faith in the legal system is like finding out your father isn't Superman. It sucks, I've been there and I wish you all the best.
10.12.06 - 09:13 AM / 13Lindsay said:
Sending good thoughts your way. I hope everything works out and things start getting better.
10.12.06 - 09:15 AM / 14Aaron Potts said:
Heather - If it helps your lawyers to sleep at night, you did a great job of keeping this under wraps. I'm glad that you are on the other side of it, and I'm sure that things will start the ascent now. All of my best to you and your family.
10.12.06 - 09:15 AM / 15Mrs Ca said:
I'm so sorry you're going through this. But congratulations on having made it through. I can't imagine how tough it must be, but you did it, and that's something to be proud of.
10.12.06 - 09:17 AM / 16kerewin said:
After reading what you put here it sounds as if you were very circumspect.
I am just blown away by this, I knew you could get sued for signing a contract and then not following through but to NOT sign a contract. It makes me want to swear big sweary words. It does sound like they were punishing you because they could.
You have put up a brave front and I admire you for it. I am sorry for all that you and your family has had to go through to payoff someone's whim. I am sure that all of your readers (ok, most) are sending you good thoughts and wishes. I, myself, am hoping that instant karma comes to call on Unnamed Litigious Jerks as well as sending you good thoughts. Chin up! Hopefully we can help prop you up for all the humor and good times you have given us.
10.12.06 - 09:19 AM / 17PrincessMo said:
Don't let The Man get you down, man. #%*& 'em. Eat cake. Keep writing. Know that you are loved.
10.12.06 - 09:19 AM / 18thefirecat said:
Someone please get this woman some chocolate cake, stat!
This country has seriously developed such a knee-jerk response of "I'll sue you!" that it's frightening. So sorry to hear that you got stuck on the tail end of someone's overweening sense of entitlement.
(PS, don't you just *love* that word? Overweening? It's one of my favourites. It's so....I don't know. Just say it to yourself. Overweeeeeeening. So perfect.)
10.12.06 - 09:20 AM / 19Kara said:
Oh Heather. I'm joining with you in sending all of my most evil thoughts out to big companies and their lawyers. It's really too bad that not everyone passed the "play nicely with others" portion in kindergarten. Can't they just let you be? I know you have thousands of readers like me, whose lives you have touched positively by sharing your experiences--it's just so nice to have someone be as honest as you are, and know that we're not alone in our experiences.
10.12.06 - 09:20 AM / 20jes said:
This makes me both insanely curious and saddened for you at the same time. But I'm willing to bet that if you had mentioned it in July? You'd have hundreds of readers jumping to your defense. And I bet many of them would have been attorneys.
10.12.06 - 09:26 AM / 21Broad said:
Wait ... suing you for NOT signing a contract? How does that even work?
Much love to you and the family. And chocolate cake.
10.12.06 - 09:27 AM / 22smoness said:
My mother went through something similar many years ago. Legalities of so many situations, do indeed, SUCK. Big sigh and virtual hug for you. Perhaps another "OMG our plumbing's fucked cookie" would soothe the soul a bit. Hang in there!
10.12.06 - 09:28 AM / 23kaw said:
Thoughts and prayers are great and all, but how about we send cold, hard cash? Any web savvy commenter out there willing to set up a "juice for dooce" site? I'd chip in $10 -- it seems the least I can do for Heather for sharing a bit of her life with such humor and insight.
Even if only a few people contribute, Heather could at least buy a grand chocolate cake, on us.
How about it?
10.12.06 - 09:22 AM / 24Andrea-cat said:
As an attorney, trying desperately to leave the profession, I am so sorry what they are putting you through. It is that very reason I am changing professions because I am sick of seeing innocent people being bullied by the system without any type of safety net (I'm also way too sensitive for this profession).
Obviously, I do not know your specific circumstance but hopefully, good will come out of this and you will settle back into some sense of normalcy. Take care of yourself, take a ride up one of the Cottonwood Canyons (so beautiful), go to Ruth's Diner or the Blue Plate for a leisurely breakfast (yum), bring your dog to the dog park near Liberty Park (if they still have it - haven't lived in SLC in four years) - watching my dog run around and play was great therapy, and hug your daughter.
10.12.06 - 09:24 AM / 25itsadaisy said:
Well no wonder you are feeling the way you did a couple years ago. Banging your head against our legal system is enough to fry anyone's brain chemistry. For what it's worth, if you lived next door, I'd bake you a chocolate cake every day until you felt better. Don't go anywhere without us, please.
10.12.06 - 09:29 AM / 26Star Shine said:
Oh, Heather, I'm so sorry that you guys have had to go through this. I'm glad you can finally write about your feelings, as that is one of the most cathartic things you can do, especially being a writer.
Please know, that there are lots of people out here (like me) who look forward to reading the things you have to say every day. You are a part of my day each day, and I am grateful to you for how you brighten it just by being you on your blog.
10.12.06 - 09:31 AM / 27Skippy said:
sometimes when things feel overwhelming, it helps me to count my blessings. You have a sweet, healthy daughter, a loving husband, and an addictive personality. money causing stress will always be a constant. But from what i can tell, with the things that really matter, you are very rich indeed.
10.12.06 - 09:34 AM / 28fridaynightgirl said:
What an awful thing! I second the notion that your story makes me desire nothing more than to jump up and down, pull at my hair and spew obscenities but, alas, I am at the office and I believe it is against company policy.
I am so glad you came through it and are now on the other side. I am thinking of you today and hoping that sunny days will find you. Very. Soon.
10.12.06 - 09:35 AM / 29ridley40 said:
Excellent idea, Kaw, and one that can easily be followed up on. (I know, ending with a preposition and all that. Mea culpa...) Way down on the right hand side of the page is a "make a payment" option, where you can use Paypal or Amazon to send a little moola to put in Heather and Jon's Chocolate Cake Fund, with hopefully a little left over to get Leta into Black Licorice Rehab.
10.12.06 - 09:36 AM / 30