Penisary Contact With the Volvo
Today's post has nothing to do with that title, it's just I can't get that phrase out of my head. Sometimes it's the word "avuncular" or "gesticulatory" or "bukkake Asian facial." Last week I couldn't stop singing The Osmond's "Pine Cones And Holly Berries" from The Osmond Family Christmas.
But the Osmonds have nothing to do with today's post either, although who wouldn't love a hot expletive-laden Osmond blog entry?
I'm going to have "hot expletive-laden Osmond" stuck in my head all day.
Today's post is about my friend Kathy and how it came to pass that I, Dooce, am driving this car in this exact color:
I've written things on this website before, things that have really gotten me into lots of trouble with real people in my life, as opposed to internet people in my life. Like, friends have read things here and been reality-mad at me, not just internet-mad at me, and I'm here to testify that reality-mad is a lot worse than internet-mad.
Reality-mad can cost you your job, for instance, or cause your father to refer to you as "a vile and disgusting creature."
And even though I know these things, that this website had caused oodles of reality-madness, that people I know in reality know about this website and read it and wait for the moment that they recognize themselves in a character on this page, that they have said to me with pained trepidation, Heather, please, for the love of God, don't write about this on your website-thing, I have to comment on this. God wants me to comment on this.
And as I'm sitting here writing this I realize that I can't comment on this and that maybe the reason I've got all this "penisary contact with the volvo" jibberish in my head is because my body is going into automatic self-preservation mode because it knows that the last thing I need right now is more reality-madness.
What do you have stuck in your head?
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FM Living
dooce said:
and i just realized that in my head i've been saying ìbukkakeî like ìbu-kottke.î
11.04.02 - 07:24 AM / 1Chuck Cheeze said:
Girl, you need to find a hobby. You think too much about thinking about thinking about things.
11.04.02 - 07:27 AM / 2the husband said:
.org?
11.04.02 - 07:28 AM / 3ex southern babtist said:
Reality mad isn't a nice place to go...neither was my flu shot..ouch
11.04.02 - 07:50 AM / 4Naz said:
Oh lord. Bukkake. At an old place of work, I remember a co-worker replaying over the network a clip, that was exactly Bukkake Asian Facial.
Another thought: with enough mention of bukkake, perhaps your site will come up in google when searched for bukkake.
Lordy.
11.04.02 - 07:51 AM / 5ryan said:
Dooce you got yerself a real banana-boat there!
11.04.02 - 07:56 AM / 6Brooke said:
Oh my god. I just heard that phrase "penisary contact" last night and I can't remember where...the Sopranos? FM nation?
11.04.02 - 08:09 AM / 7Michelle said:
Yuko the Clown tea-bagging Artie.
11.04.02 - 08:10 AM / 8the propagandist said:
is that like the singer, leon bu-kotke?
oops. referenced myself into a corner again.
hey, H, don't worry about it. i talk about CLIENTS on my webpage - and i have ANGRY clients. not just reality-mad, but like "i'm going to blackball you from the industry you prick" mad. that was a fun conversation.
11.04.02 - 08:14 AM / 9Ariel said:
Brooke, it was The Sopranos. I laughed out loud at that line.
11.04.02 - 08:21 AM / 10Jason Bukkake said:
Next you'll be talking about tossing salads and fisting!
Ooo, I do love a tossed salad ever so much!
11.04.02 - 08:24 AM / 11rd said:
CSN's song "Cathedral."
I like that car, in that color.
11.04.02 - 08:31 AM / 12Naaman said:
Wow, you are going to get tons of odd Google referrals to your site... I mostly get songs and the odd things people do on public transit stuck in my head.
11.04.02 - 08:31 AM / 13Heather #2 said:
So, good, you didn't get all caught up in that California traffic thing yesterday - although with that car, I'm sure it's that no one will miss you comin' around a corner. I had to look up penisary on dictionary.com, which of course turned up nothing. So I went to google, which also led to nothing. So I'm left with my imagination, and now that I've written the word several times, I'm thinking my best guest would probably be right. I mean, you can only start a word with "penis" so many times before you start to get it. I mean, not that I'm getting penis, although I'd like to. Well, you know, this would be a good exiting point...
11.04.02 - 08:37 AM / 14nita said:
My curse is the following: "There are no cats in America/and the streets are paved with cheese." It's on an endless loop, and is often accompanied by thoughts of whether mice are allergic to cheese, or if that is a myth.
11.04.02 - 08:53 AM / 15helenjane said:
wow.
i've had the word glitterati in my head for weeks.
weeks.
11.04.02 - 09:08 AM / 16MRK said:
The song -- and the video -- that takes over your life. Before you die, you see the squirrel.
http://www.shynola.com/j_s/j_s_download.htm
11.04.02 - 09:16 AM / 17Glen said:
I have 2 thoughts."Penisary" reminds me of the Celebrity Jeopardy skit on SNL about the "Penis Mightier/Pen Is Mightier"You said the post was about Kathy and why you are driving that yellow car. But it's not. You tease.
11.04.02 - 09:25 AM / 18Corianton said:
"Politely rapacious" - a phrase from David Schmader's one man play Straight.
11.04.02 - 09:28 AM / 19Beerzie Boy said:
I'm not sure if his heart's in the right place, but I know where his head is.
11.04.02 - 09:47 AM / 20jennifer said:
I have also had "bukkake" in my head since jason was muttering about it. I even used it last night as an expletive when I dropped a dish. ie."bukkake! I broke it!"
11.04.02 - 09:57 AM / 21dennis said:
I've made up my own story about the yellow Mazda. In my version, Shannon Elizabeth emerges from an SUV on the street and asks if someone can take a picture of her (naked, of course) in a sink sitting the hatch. YES!
11.04.02 - 10:26 AM / 22dclay said:
Hmmm. How could she be mad about driving such a fine piece of Japanese engineering? A rental? Kathy wreck your car? Or get you drunk and make you buy a yellow Mazda?
11.04.02 - 10:33 AM / 23xwg said:
Dammit all to hell....I only wanted one new word a day now i got to look up penisary also. Sheeesh I know its not going to be a word i want to know.
11.04.02 - 10:36 AM / 24Ex-liontamer said:
In no particualr order: "Victoria" by Old 97's, my favorite old 3/4 sleeve Rush shirt, my college friends Harry, Kel, Patrick, Mike and Lis.
Thanks for asking.
11.04.02 - 10:53 AM / 25Heather K. said:
It's Peanut butter jelly time always gets stuck in my head. see what I mean
11.04.02 - 10:56 AM / 26RYAN said:
Song: "I speak in monotone, leave my fuckin' life alone...as we go up, we go down." GbV
11.04.02 - 11:17 AM / 27KROTCHBAT said:
HEATHER K. IS RIGHT, THAT PEANUT BUTTER JELLY THING IS DAMN CATCHY...
11.04.02 - 11:18 AM / 28ALLISONIC said:
The "Everybody" song sticks with me. See for yourself: http://www.HOMESTARRUNNER.COM
11.04.02 - 11:20 AM / 29eggbert said:
ingrid is going into hiding.
11.04.02 - 11:25 AM / 30