Matching shoes and belts? Not natural. I'm a bad man for thinking it, but I wonder what my girlfriend would do if I asked to "inspect the bottom system"...?

Just think what you'll find in Utah:
People wearing secret funny underwear.
The Wasatch Mountains, which make any others look like poseurs to me.
Achingly beautiful skies (except for inversion days, er weeks, errr months).
CleanFlicks ... which will allow you to see everything good from Hollywood but "without the sex, nudity, profanity or extreme violence."
Tens of thousands of RMs (returned missionaries), primarily at BYU, all on a new mission: To marry and reproduce.
Tens of thousands of fluffy-haired young women attending BYU trying to snag one of those RMs so they can get their MRS degree.
Dick Nourse and his latest half-his-age co-anchor.
Marky Snowbank and his son, Kevin, who competes on the other channel.
Liquor laws relaxed since the last time you lived there, to wit: Mixed drinks and wine may be ordered with food in most restaurants from noon to 1 a.m., and beer may be ordered from 10 a.m. to 1 a.m. Patrons may be served at their tables or in waiting areas. Drink menus and wine lists are provided only upon request, so you must ask your server for such a list. Likewise, servers are prohibited by law to ask patrons if they would like an alcoholic beverage; the request must be made by the patron.
The Kiss: While Rodin's sculpture was banned from public display at BYU in 1997, the newly remodeled Museum of Fine Arts on the U of U campus has given it a place. As one journalist noted: "If someone's morals must be corrupted, better those heathens on the hill than the sensitive souls at God's University.
The Salt Lake Weekly which should become your primary alternate weekly as soon as possible.

Enjoy Zion!

I require further information on "secret funny underwear"...

OK! I don't like the spanking reference (barbaric...idiotic....get a grip). My son had issues with a bulldog's ass cuz its hole was black...interestingly enough he couldn't get over it until he was five. A lot of staring ensued.....

Oh, the secret underware! Oh, please reveal the mysteries of this Mormon mystery for us, Dooce. I've wanted to know why the Mormons have special underware ever since I went to Primary at my best friend's ward when I grew up (they didn't like me much: I knew more bible stories than the Mormon kids and I was making 'em look bad, or so my Mom sez).

At least you'll be able to get drunk when you complain, you sexy heathen, you.

Welcome to Utah Dooce!

I am so glad you enjoyed Seattle! It's nice to hear other people say nice things about the city where you grew up.

As to all the people out there wondering about secret underwear: I grew up Mormon, but am no longer, so I can spill the beans about the undies. Basically, after you visit the Mormon Temple, you wear special white undergarments. For women (I haven't seen the men's), they look similar to a tshirt with cap sleeves, and a pair of fitted shorts that extend to the top of the knees. You would wear your normal underwear, such as a bra, on top of these garments. They are supposed symbolize purity, and remind you of the promises you made to God while in the temple. In addition, they supposedly help protect you from evil. In the Mormon community, lots of stories are told about how Suzy Mormon was in a car accident and how she received injuries to every part of her body except where her garments covered, or how John Mormon was chased by a bear and bitten on the leg, but the garment prevented the bite from piercing the skin. The garments also remind you of your modesty. You cannot wear clothing that would show the garments - which means no tank tops or short shorts. You can read the official explaination of these underwear

Gah! What happened! I apologize for the long, one paragraph thought, as well as the link not showing up. Apparently I don't know how this comment thingie works. This is the link: http://ldsfaq.byu.edu/emmain.asp?number=88

Did I miss something? Is there anything wrong with matching one's belt with one's shoes? Particularly brown? Maybe I've been living in SF too long...

From a garment-sportiní Mormon: The idea is that you wear it all the time, except when a specific activity such as swimming or balling or yak grooming, makes it unreasonable. Also, I offer the following as supplement to Steph's info-rich link: (1) While there are established guidelines for garment wearing, it's ultimately left up to the individual (as "an outward expression of an inward covenant") to determine how rigorously one will adhere. Which means there are no snap skivvy inspections or nothing. (2) The list sanctioned garment-free pursuits includes loviní and touchiní, as well as squeeziní--which, considering the garmentís widely-acknowledged lack of ha cha cha, is nice. (3) I don't know about the protection-from-physical-harm business. Mormon culture is replete with "faith-promoting" urban legend-type malarkey, which this type of thing tends to be. I wear garments and I still suffer the occasional boo-boo on my thighs and upper body. Maybe I should use more starch... (4) Finally, if most Mormons seem uncomfortable with speaking about the garment in detail, it's because it's a highly-symbolic (and sacred) practice which many Mormons themselves don't feel they fully understand, and also because, well hell, it's their underwear.

You know, Utah has a porn czar. This could go either way, of course, but unfortunately (and perhaps unsurprisingly) it goes the unfun way.

brown shoes are overrated, just as brown belts are. You think it's all neo-wookie wonderland, but then you realise it's just pompous nouveu riche trying to dress down in some sort of apology because they drive a $50,000 volvo.

and the wasatch mountains? heh-- i used to think they were cool, but now i live in the alps-- that esplains all the laughing germans i used to meet in park city.

spank me on my bottom system baby! oh, ok. all that talk about mormon underwear positively makes me want to react. hearing that described is really truly like an army of thousands doing nails on the chalkboard all at one time. i don't know why. certain religious affiliations raise my blood pressure more than others. heather, i'm sure you'll spice it up out there. :)

Hey, do we know for sure that nuns don't wear funny religious clothing underneath and is there a website for it?