Exclamation Point, Special Organic Free Range Chicken Broth Edition
Oh dear.
Late last week I was going through my special hatemail folder -- it's called "Hate is all you need" and every time I open it four butterflies explode out of my computer and kiss me on my nose -- and realized that I had enough really good ones to put out a fall collection. (You can see the Spring Edition here and the Summer Edition here) There's a particular gem I got sent a couple weeks ago from someone who lives in Salt Lake City, and after ranting about how my website sucks because it doesn't give him a boner, he goes on to tell me where he lives, what his car looks like, where it is parked, and then dares me to show up and throw a rock at his windshield. For a brief moment I considered heading out to find his car, only instead of smashing his windows I'd put a little note underneath the windshield wiper with the name of a good therapist and 10 dollars to help with the co-pay. And then sign it, "Hugs and kisses!"
But Friday night I wrote a little something about organic free range chicken broth mistakenly thinking that I was being ridiculous enough about it that people would know I was joking. That I don't hate chickens. That, in fact, I firmly believe chickens should live as unencumbered as possible, that their lives should be filled with happiness and joy and leisure. And many, many hand jobs.
And, oh, the hatemail that followed. Turns out hatemail about chickens is a lot more colorful than hatemail from Mormons. The Mormons obviously need to try harder.
The idea of organic free range chickens isn't necessarily funny, but when you put that label on a box of chicken broth, there is an incongruity there that is a little absurd. As if the broth water itself was out grazing feed next to the barn. And then there is the whole idea (an idea I agree with, mostly) that chickens should be allowed to live more fulfilling lives, lives where they are allowed to roam free and sleep in better cages, at least right up until we cut off their heads and eat their juicy thighs with a little bit of lemon pepper marinade. It's like, here chicken, be happy! Relax! WE NEED YOU TO TASTE BETTER.
I didn't mention that Jon and I often buy organic food, and agree that it is usually (although, not always) healthier for you, because the whole point of that post was to poke fun at my mother who was horrified when she realized that she agreed with a very liberal approach to farming. It just doesn't match up with how her world is set up, one where you're not supposed to care about the chickens, don't you know that the chickens were put here by God so that we could eat them? Also? Those chickens totally had it coming because I have prayed about it and the Lord told me they are rotten, dirty whores.
According to the email I got in response to that post, I guess you're not supposed to joke about chicken broth. Ever. This website is now on the Official Shit List of the Organic Free Range Chicken Broth People. And my, are they a testy bunch.
Let's start with this one from Jason who I'm guessing would not laugh if I came up behind him and stuck a fork in his butt:
Well, I've never been a huge blogger, I read them once in a while, but I was forwarded your blog today by a friend. Things must be really slow in Utah around Thanksgiving, or maybe its the cold.
I'm unsure how Free Range Chicken Broth is funny, or for that matter how it would be funnier than Free Range Chicken?
Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it isn't true.
First I find it funny that you have no clue how to make Chicken broth. Then after admitting to this ignorance, go on to comment about how, in your infinite wisdom, you can't understand how the qualities of a chicken would be transferred to the broth made from that chicken.
It's like saying I don't understand how Vitamin C makes it from an orange into orange juice. Boggles the mind.
Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it isn't true. Hmm... that ringing in my ears is the sound of... delicious free range condescension.
Here's one from from Megan:
Just wanted to let you know that due to your ignorant and uneducated post about free-range chicken I will no longer waste my time reading your blog. In the past I have always enjoyed your wit and regularly stop in to catch up on your life, however your latest post has honestly left me annoyed. Do you even know what free-range means? I am so not a hater normally, but you sound like a moron in your post. Please do yourself (and your family) a favour and research Organic Agriculture and Sustainability. Failing that, consider what it would be like for Chuck to live out his days in a cage, sitting in his own feces and urine, never getting a change to move his body. Does this sould fair to you? And if that doesn't get your attention, perhaps you might want to consider all the antibiotics and hormones an animal is given when kept in subpar living conditions on a factory farm. Mmmm yummy. Honestly there are many more reasons why one might consider organic free-range products but I've already spent enough time writing this post. As a last note, not everyone who believes in saving our environment is a hippy. I in fact am wearing makeup right now!
Chuck isn't supposed to be living his days out in a cage eating his own feces? Is that what you're telling me? A LOT OF GOOD THAT DOES ME NOW, MEGS.
This next one is from a reader named Rich:
Free range chicken broth may seem hippie to you, but there are many reasons you should consider buying it over regular broth. Organic food as well as food raised free range [blah blah blah, several long, complicated sentences here about the history of the meat industry, blah blah] and while [blah blah, more long sentences, blah] it can only [blah blah] but [blah]...
...
[blaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]
...
Therefore, organic is better for you, and if [BLLLLLAAAAAAAAAHHHHH] ...
...
I wish you would educate yourself and your readers about this very important issue. Use your power for good.
Thank you, Rich, for that very useful, very lengthy primer on agriculture. Although you might want to take a different approach in the future when you're trying to convince someone that you are right and they are wrong. First, you should make sure that the person disagrees with you. That usually helps.
Then try to be a little less civilized. Call them names. Spit. Misspell a few words. Go wild and add a punctuation mark where none is called for. USE A SENTENCE FRAGMENT (!!) Because something tells me you haven't ever done any of these things, and that your inner six year old yearns to be set free.
Here's one from Ted:
You don't have any idea what your talking about, and you shouldn't pass judgement on things in which you are ignorant. It makes you look like an idiot. I am not going to take the low road and hurl some ridiculous insult at you, because I think you would get some twisted sense of joy out of it. Rather, I will simply say, I hope this e-mail ruins your day, and that you would take a long hard look at the words you write. There are many people who believe in the power of organic foods, and most of the ones I know are just as sensitive to marketing hype as you. I happen to know the guy that started this particular chicken broth company, and I can assure you his office doesn't have a 14th floor.
Next time you decide to laugh about something that really isn't funny, why don't you at least do your homework and educate yourself so you don't sound like a moron.
Normally I think you are funny...but in this case I think you are the one that should think about your conscience before you go to bed tonight. The truly ironic thing is that you are writing about being a better democrat when in actuality, you sound like some some stupid republican who is talking about how we are in Iraq to protect democracy. Good luck with that.
People who believe in the power of organic food? You mean like people who believe in the power of the Holy Spirit? Because if that's what you mean, I'm sorry, I would never intentionally poke fun at a religion on this website. Maybe.
Speaking of religion, here's one from Donaleen:
Do you know how non free range chickens are raised? They are kept in cages so small they can't move around. They are covered in chicken shit because the cages are stacked. And they are often rather bald because of the conditions. The ones that lay eggs are definitely bald. The chickens are given poor food and lots of antibiotics. They are nutritionally bad. And they taste bad.
It DOES matter how your food is produced. The chicken tastes different. The eggs taste different. And I make my own chicken broth from free range chickens. It is fucking amazing. It can heal the sick and raise the dead.
I don't know about you, but now that I know that the eggs I eat for breakfast every morning might possibly be laid by a bald chicken, a rather bald chicken, waking up is going to be a hundred percent more awesome.
This one is from Lynn:
There is actually a significant nutritional difference in free range fed animals vs. confined, grain-fed and feedlot-fattened animals. In particular the omega 3 content and omega 3 to omega 6 ratio of animals raised close to their natural roots is much better. I don't eat chicken at all, but if I did I would only eat free range fed chicken.
I included this one not because it was particularly mean, but because I wanted to juxtapose it with a link to this research study that several readers forwarded to me, and it says this:
But organic poultry is actually less nutritious, contains more fat and tastes worse than its mass-produced equivalent, research has shown.
Tests on supermarket chicken breasts showed that organic versions contained lower levels of health-boosting omega 3 fatty acids than other varieties, including non-organic free-range poultry.
As usual, the best part about that link is the comments section where someone says something like, "The welfare of the chickens is paramount. High time we considered the chickens before always putting our interests first." To someone who already thinks organic free range chickens are a good thing, that sounds totally normal. But, to someone who doesn't, that sounds like this: THINK OF THE CHICKENS! WE MUST SAVE THE CHICKENS! THE CHIIIIIIIICCCCKKKKKEEENNNNSSSSSSS!
Here's the only one that included multiple exclamation points, and it did not disappoint. From Julie:
You have finally crossed the line with this one. Why is free range chicken broth so funny? It isn't!!! Have you seen the pictures of chickens are are raised on those mass farms? They are so sad and helpless and did not ask to live that way. How would YOU like to watch your dog live that way? YOU would never let him live that way, so why is it OK for CHICKENS to live that way? ITS NOT!!! People like you shouldn't be allowed to own animals. I feel sorry for your dog!!!!
I do too, because when we finally get tired of taking him on walks and decide to eat him, we won't be boiling him in organic free range chicken broth, that's for sure.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
301. aubriane said:
"I don’t know about you, but now that I know that the eggs I eat for breakfast every morning might possibly be laid by a bald chicken, a rather bald chicken, waking up is going to be a hundred percent more awesome."
Hahahahaha.
Rather bald.
Now, I don't eat chicken, and I am all for the proper treatment of all animals.
But people. Please. Picture the broth roaming free. I don't understand how this doesn't amuse you.
All hail Heather. I truly believe she can do no wrong.
302. Non_Highlighted Heather said:
You've finally crossed the line? I guess cabbage tits and making fun of Joe Smith's chosen people didn't quite do it. This is why I will never blog, I'm a big pussy who could never handle this kind of mail. You are a far stronger woman than I.
303. Non_Highlighted Heather said:
You've finally crossed the line? I guess cabbage tits and making fun of Joe Smith's chosen people didn't quite do it. This is why I will never blog, I'm a big pussy who could never handle this kind of mail. You are a far stronger woman than I.
304. Morgan said:
All this debate about chicken broth? hahahahahah~ I love me some hooker chickens.
You're a gem, Dooce. :)
305. Jennifer in Ohio said:
This just fortifies my argument that stupid narrow-minded people should be stuck on a deserted island so they don't contaminate the rest of us with their unusally big mouths. They can breed with each other and leave the rest of us alone.
Anyone with an 8th grade education on up should have been able to tell that your post was tongue-in-cheek. I would disregard the knuckle-dragging mouth breathers who can't grasp the concept of SARCASM.
306. MichelleM said:
Wow. Free Range Chicken Broth is where you really crossed the line? I would have picked at least a dozen previous posts. ;) I was feeling all good about myself for having my Free Range Chicken Broth in my pantry until I read Angie M's comment and now I just feel badly about the broth. All that boiling. In a pot and everything. A weensey one, too. One in which the broth would have no hope of ranging, free or otherwise. Horrors!
307. chendow said:
It's chicken people...
Calm down. Relax.
So what...their bald. I don't eat the feathers. Who would...I am sure the crap keeps them warm.
308. Reese said:
OMG. The biggest thing to remember, is that lots of people are stupid. Seriously. Sometimes, just remembering that is all that keeps me from going absolutely bonkers.
You can also take comfort from the fact that those crazed e-mailers definitely pick and eat their own boogers.
Ok, maybe not, but doesn't that make you feel better?
: )
309. AmyC said:
I'm so excited for the chance to comment here - and I haven't even read the whole post. I was thrilled to see how long it is - can't wait to read it all! Yes, I have nothing much to say, but I wanted to say it anyway.
310. Granny Barbo said:
The link you give is to a newspaper article. It interested me so I searched the topic through Medline (free via the national library of medicine, at www.pubmed.gov). What the newspaper article claims is backed up by many scientific studies. Something else . . . when bird flue reaches the United states it will pass from the wild bird population through to the free range chickens and then to the farmers like shit through a (wild) goose.
311. jsscualaw said:
I thought the organic post was hysterical. In fact, it was the first post I ever read by you. (I am so behind the times!) I then read your archives.
You know what's even funnier, organic free range vegetable broth. It's water and salt, what exactly is organic and free range?
312. AJ said:
Too funny! Who would have thought that any kind of broth could get people so excited!
313. ashleigh said:
hahaha! Your comments to their comments are always spectacular. At least these people seem to be a little more literate than the usual dissenters. Except for probably the guy who gave you directions to his place.
314. Roonie said:
The real kicker is the masthead. Since I read your blog via Google Reader, I don't often see the page in its full glory. When I came to the site to comment, I almost peed my pants laughing.
What really strikes me about this argument is all the people who can't see that either way the damn bird grows up, you're still killing chickens and eating flesh, no matter how they're raised. If you care so damn much about their lives before they're killed for your consumption, become a vegetarian (like I did), why don't you? Pffft!
315. SpootMSU said:
Hi there!
I've refrained from commenting many a time on this site, but I really had to put in my two cents on this one. I'm an animal agriculture major, and one of the nutrition classes I help teach raises chickens as a project, so the claim about broiler chickens being "nutritionally bad" (haha is that the technical term?) just got me. I'm also studying growth promotants used in commercial agriculture, so you can imagine I get into these types of conversations on a regular basis. People who claim to be so educated about where their food comes from just make me laugh...you have to laugh, otherwise you'd just start screaming at people, and who needs that stress...if you're going to research it, go to pubmed or google scholar and get the real facts from an affliated, peer reviewed journal article and not the frikken PETA website. There is a great difference between animal lovers and those who care about animals. I prefer to think of myself as one of those who actually care.
Okay, off the soapbox....Dooce, keep up the great work!!
316. Adam Walker Cleaveland said:
My wife and I actually did MAKE chicken broth last night, after eating our Organic Free Range Chicken, whom we named Lucy.
However, apparently we DON'T know how to make chicken broth either. Damn. Check this out...
http://cleave.blogs.com/pomomusings/2006/12/lucy_oh_lucy.html
317. Daniel Lestarjette said:
Heather, thanks for sharing these! Who knew the OFRCB people had no sense of humor? !!!!!!! (just because). Oh and, happy holidays to you and your family.
318. CrazyLady said:
I think this calls for a sit in. Free range chicken lovers unite and join the overcrowded chickens in their cages. Or would that be better termed a sh#t in? :)
319. Queen B said:
Hilarious, really, I can't stop laughing. I think people take everything in life too seriously. Thanks for sharing, Heather. Your blog is just brilliant. Keep up the great writting.
320. Reader said:
Although I think your first post was meant to be funny and sarcastic, it does seem like you're very passively arguing a point now by posting a link to that one small, questioned study. To many people it's more about the kind of agriculture and livestock industry you want to support rather than bleeding your heart out over chickens. As someone who lives in an area where the groundwater is contaminated by swill from huge factory farms, it's a bigger, more sensitive issue than just the (apparently ridiculous) concern for the treatment of chickens. The groupthink of "OMG, don't these stupid hippies realize the chickens are dying ANYWAY?!" might seem logical at first, but doesn't cover the complexities. I wasn't outraged or even bothered by your initial post, but now to see so many people misunderstanding and laughing at the issue, and then smacking down organic, natural AND free range practices (which aren't all the same thing) is totally unexpected.
321. Holy Schmidt! - Melanie said:
God christ, people. It's just watery, chicken-flavored juicy, goodness.
Someone needs to get laid. Hard.
322. Grace said:
Getting the chickens 4-star hotel rooms and feeding them gourmet meals is nice and all, but we're...gonna...eat them. All this "ethical" debate on chickens that are meant to be EATEN! Dude. Ugh. All this chicken talk is making me want to eat some.
323. MaeB said:
Wow Heather! After reading today's post and the summer and spring edition, I'm thinking - who needs comments? I guess this type of ridiculous ranting and raving from readers comes with your semi-celebrity status now? I don't know. Looking for the humour in it all certainly helps but you've got to have some pretty tough armour there girl! I know that you've turned your comments off at times. Maybe you should turn them off for a good long while. The folks who are sick of reading your blog (but apparently feel the need to keep repeating that to you over and over again), might just fade away into oblivion and move en masse to another location to vent. One thing is for sure, if you had some sort of therapist ad on your site, they just might make a killing!
324. latchkeymom said:
You know you're on the PETA hit list now, right?
I really don't know how you handle the Crazies. Thanks for sharing.
325. hype12 said:
All the haters probably wear clogs too !
326. vignettist said:
The one from Ted? You so totally must have made that one up.
327. Ali08 said:
This may be incrediby insensitive of me, but who really gives a shit about chickens be they free range or not? Not to say that you shouldn't give a shit, but come on people- it's odd to care enough to personally attack another human being over a fucking chicken. And, if you're consuming the chicken or any of its byparts haven't you ultimately decided you really don't care about the chickens? Is there some sort of chicken lobby group that scans the web for deragatory comments then attacks the publisher? In summary...most of these haters need to go choke the chicken and loosen up.
328. Lizzie_B said:
I've only been reading your blog for about 2 weeks but I get your humor and I laugh my ass off daily reading your blog. These "free the chickens" people obviously have nothing better to do so they make stupid comments on your blog that make them, not you, look like morons. As another poster said, get a life.
329. rebecki said:
You are effing hilarious. Viva la Dooce!!!!! !!!! !!! !! !
330. MumaJulie said:
rofl, I love it when you do the hatemail posts. It amazes me that people can get so worked up and pissed off about someone else's opinions.
331. Abbey said:
I really rarely leave you comments...but couldn't help but send one this time.
I just LOVE how upset people get about stuff. I am all for being passionate about things...the world would be a very boring place otherwise...but Lord Almighty...it's YOUR opinion on freaking CHICKEN BROTH!!
All the people who leave mean comments about your posts must think that you are the All Saying, All Seeing, All Wise woman who makes all the decisions for the world...why else would they care so much? : )
PS If you really want to get some panties in a wad, drive down here to Santa Cruz next time you're in San Fran. Make some No-Free Range signs, write some Cage the Chickens chats, then march a little downtown with the Pink Man/Woman and all the other "characters." Either they will welcome you for your "individuality" or kill you. : )
332. anna said:
I read the original ... I got it. Thought it was hilarious.
I can picture your mother...
it reminded me of the time when I asked my mom is it didn't give her pause that the pope was sanctioning eating corned beef on St. Patrick's Day... and she agreed that it made the whole no meat on Fridays for lent suspect!
333. Jen Mahler said:
Yeah, I don't know. I'm really on the fence with this one. I don't think you disagree with what most of those people are saying, but I can't quite tell. And I agree with most of them (the non-rude ones.)
334. MelanieinOrygun said:
Awwwwww, now you done it... you done went and offended the CHICKEN PEOPLE.
Good God. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see it with my own two eyes; this has to be the weirdest source of mass offense I have ever seen.
335. Court@RespectRx.com said:
OK, the hate mail is officially funnier than your original post which I read outloud to my husband while we both laughed. I mean, only you Heather, could come up with hooker chickens. Love it, love you and love chickens so much that don't even eat them--so there!
336. Xavierism said:
People continue to crack me up. Although my three umbrella cockatoos never fail to make me laugh. This past Thanksgiving Day, and the days to follow with delicious turkey leftovers, my bird appreciated their poultry entrees.
I believed there are bigger fish to fry on the current event front...but I was wrong. Chicken broth is at the top of that list! Thanks for the laughs & sharing with us.
*CHEERS*
337. Court@RespectRx.com said:
OK, the hate mail is officially funnier than your original post which I read outloud to my husband while we both laughed. I mean, only you Heather, could come up with hooker chickens. Love it, love you and love chickens so much that don't even eat them--so there!
338. vinsanity said:
I LOVE free-range chicken broth.
I cook my still mewling veal steak in it. Trust me, it tastes like it smells.
Delicious.
339. bellabugs_mom said:
Holy Shit! Alas, we have found out how to bring back the dead? I didn't realilze that losing my parents to cancer could have been solved by changing chicken broth? Shame on you, Donaleen for holding out this information as long as you have. If you had shared sooner, maybe Elvis would still be around too!
340. Jezzie said:
The punch line often comes at the end of a tongue-in-cheek piece ....( your Mom's in league with the hippies.Maybe she can parley a common bond with this makeup challenged demographic and evolve from World Sales Leader to World Dictator by militantly pusuing the hippie agenda)....it takes patience, stamina, and oh, an appreciation of Dooce-ology!
What I don't get is how these supposed "long time readers" don't get? it?
As someone who I forget once said, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, in sum, anyone with a fricking opinion on something is suddenly a protector of all that is sacred and holy with regard to that snippet of enlightement.
Damn, Heather, you should write a book on the pygmy mating habits of the shallow end of the gene pool. You certainly are in possesion of a significant amount of data regarding said subspecies capabilities of intellectualizing random observations.
341. Zig to the Zag said:
"Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious" (proverb)
You rock sister. :)
342. Dink(y) said:
Longest Post Ever!
343. merpeople_sing said:
lmfao. that last comment you made. brilliant! you always keep me laughing (:
344. womanrat said:
Personally I found your masthead and the post to be finger clicking good:-)
345. jess said:
"...not everyone who believes in saving our environment is a hippy. I in fact am wearing makeup right now!"
LMAO. Totally made my day!
346. reavolution said:
Someone called a chicken *rather* bald. Ha-Ha! I think this was the ABSOLUTE best compilation of hate mail comments EVER. <3 it.
I love reading your blog. And I love the stupids that contribute to its content, too. Ha-Ha!
347. GEORGE! said:
So, from what I learned in one of my culinary classes at school... organic is not usually any healthier at all, and is basically just a scam to get hippies to buy it. There is only a few rules to follow for someone to get the all holy "100% ORGANIC! BUY ME PLEEZ!" stamp of approval.
348. Flieswithoutwings said:
I thought all broth came from sucking the sweaty balls of an animal.
349. lionemom said:
Heather.....I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! In a non-stalker, non-romantic way, of course.
I had to pinch my nose and mouth shut to avoid bursting out laughing LOUD here at work when reading this post.
I just can't tell you how much I enjoy reading your writing every single day that you write. I love your family, I love your website and almost most of all, I love your dog! I will be getting the new Chuck calendar. I share Chuck Fridays with my fiance every week and I have linked you on my dinky little blog as well.
If you ever considered for a moment feeling sad or bad about those asshats that send you hate mail, PLEASE just read the comments from the people who love you and understand the concept of humor. You rock!
350. Heather AKA Epiphany Alone said:
Oh that is the funniest thing I've read all day.
Won't someone PLEASE think of the chickens?!
351. rikki said:
You are killing me. Love you, Love your blog.
352. KushCash.com said:
After close to 400 comments on this Dooce post, somebody's bound to already of made a immature "Choking The Chicken Comment, right?"
So, I won't then.
353. kerri said:
This whole free range or not discussion is making me not want to eat chicken at all, what with all the "this is how they live" and talk of chop, chop, chopping. Not that I would ever rush to judgment. Or rush to not eating chicken. For, free range or no, I like me some (hot and spicy) chicken (wings).
354. annecv said:
Oh no you didn't... *snaps fingers*
Sounds like more than a few people ran out of ex-lax. Who can't picture droplets of broth over the open plain, smiling and superior to caged chicken juice, and have a good laugh?
People just amaze me. Because it's so much more, like, critical to save the chickens (whom you will kill and eat and savor) than to be kind to your fellow human and not try and ruin their day publicly (which didn't succeed anyway, 'cuz she's just that cool).
355. bethgo said:
Wow. Just Wow.
What a bunch of whack-a-doos.
That guy sure has a high opinion of himself to think he could ruin your day with a crappy email.
We're talking about chicken broth here people. What's the big deal.
As a mom who DOES buy Organic Chicken Broth (it's for the kids, you know), I have to say I was not offended one iota by your post. I've got bigger fish to fry anyway.
I do have to say THIS post is just hilarious. Thanks for the laughs.
356. Heather Edwards said:
Before Megan talks about your "ignorant and uneducated post," perhaps she should learn to use spell check and proper punctuation. Obviously these people did not take AP or Honors English or they would know about satire, irony, and just plain sarcasm.
Sheesh.
PETA is probably going to throw an environmentally friendly, animal friendly, flaming bag o' poo on your doorstep.
BTW - love the new banner. :-)
357. Cassie said:
Heather you make me smile as always, thank you :)
358. Mab said:
Dude. Well, at least these people can complete a sentence, unlike the majority of your detractors.
Environmentalists and animal rights activists are VERY angry bunch. I don't know that I'd enjoy messing with them... to their faces.
359. shannon said:
I can not believe that people are so up in arms about chicken broth! And I totally agree with the other commenters that the hate mail is a riot! So funny!
By the way, I've always heard that there are more chickens in the world than there are people so isn't it a good thing if we eat them, whether in solid or broth form? heh.
360. Mom O Matic said:
Chicken killer.
361. ihave2girls said:
This is why I love your friggin website.
I loved your last paragraph. I about peed my pants.
362. idiotred said:
I'm sure that being the millionth post on this blog, my comment won't be read. However, I would just like to say that while reading your hatemail my eyes were rolling out of my head. Maybe they should all pull the organic chickens out of their bums and search for the sense of humor they lost.
363. Nils Ling said:
THINK OF THE CHUCKENS! WE MUST SAVE THE CHUCKENS! THE CHUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKEEENNNNSSSSSSS!
364. Shalini said:
What about organic milk? Are there free range cows? hehe.. You had a great blog, ignore the haters.
I can't believe there is a group of people that sit around and seriously write hatemails about chicken broth.
I hope one day though I can get to write a sentence (or part of one) that appears on your heading for the month. That is my goal in life right now ;)
365. your mom said:
hahahahaha i'm sorry, i'm still laughing over this bit:
And I make my own chicken broth from free range chickens. It is fucking amazing. It can heal the sick and raise the dead.
oh wait, and this one:
I happen to know the guy that started this particular chicken broth company, and I can assure you his office doesn’t have a 14th floor.
i mean, if there weren't people like this, who would we make fun of?
366. Kate said:
I almost sent you a stern email about the free range chicken thing too, because I misunderstood your point. I decided against the email, though, because I've never emailed you before and I'd hate for the first thing I send you to be something negative.
The truth is that I love your journal and think you are an amazing writer, and even if you write something now and then that I don't agree with, I'm going to keep coming back. Disagreeing with you from time to time makes you interesting and it makes me think.
367. TarainHaiti said:
The first post totally entertained us. This one was even better.
How can people have so little to worry about?
Down with people who have nothing important to be concerned about.
368. tksinclair said:
Stop making fun of the chickens Heather. Just stop it right now! It's not funny. Make fun of beef broth if you must, vegetable broth maybe, but leave the damn chickens alone. Have you ever had a personal relationship with a chicken? Well, if you had closer relations with chickens like my friends Ted, Lynn, Jason, Megan, Rich, and others named above, you'd be much more sensitive and understanding to the plight of the chicken. Yes, you have certainly crossed the line with this one.
And have you ever thought, why is there no turkey broth? Why? Why Heather? Why, why, why? That is the real question, isn't it?
I'm kidding of course. Honestly, I don't know how you do it. Every chicken wacko in the nation seems to have ended up in your mailbox. Sometimes I wonder how you maintain your humor with the hatemail you receive but this time it's obvious.
And, I do really wonder why there is no turkey broth?
369. Laura said:
It never ceases to amaze me that people who claim to be enlightened and caring for all God's creatures can just be plain rude.
People, it's a journal, it's Dooce's journal and she can write whatever she fancies. Just like if you're watching television and don't like what you're seeing, simply turn the channel.
I, for one, absolutely love the wit and the photography.
370. Scarecrow said:
Yeah, but who gets the girl in the Bar? The Free-Range Guy with dirt under his fingernails, oil stains on his blue jeans and horse shit on his shoes, or the Metrosexual Guy that looks like he just stepped off the Cover of G.Q.? Hmmmm?
371. Sara said:
wow, i don't even eat meat (or poultry, or chuck) and yet i somehow have been able to retain the ability to recognize humor when i read it! amazing indeed! i had no idea that this was such a feat...nor that people took the blogoshere so personally. in my opinion, THAT is funny.
372. egghead said:
I see many references to Chuck and the whole "how would you like it if... blah, blah, blah."
People please, the difference is Chuck and other DOMESTICATED animals aren't raised to be eaten.
If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, the thought of spending some time in a small cage being bald with feces around is rather appealing to the alternative. Don't you think?
373. fujiislands said:
I didn't find the original post funny. Not offensive. Just... not funny. "Organic free-range chicken broth" doesn't strike me as hilarious. Possibly because I live in LA, but it's just not ridiculous enough to be truly silly. Not to workshop your joke, but maybe if it were something like "Organic free-range Malaysian orphan broth" or "Organic free-range vegan bouillon". Um. Yes.
374. ruby said:
oh my. i love this blog. happy sigh.
375. Piglet said:
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
These people that are spewing their "Hater-ade" at you have seriously huge "un-dealt" with problems in their OWN YARDS!
Rather than face those problems, they throw their spew all over everyone else who happens to be in their path.
Lastly, I'd say they are jealous of your ability to face your fears and evolve into a better human being.
376. sarah said:
why do so many haters want you to think about chuck being in a cage. do they also want you to think about making broth out of him? that is just going TOO FAR.
377. Torrie said:
WOW. People are stupid. WOW.
I'm a hard core vegetarian, and I wasn't offended.
People need to settle down.
(Although, if they did then we wouldn't have their hysterically stupid emails, so I'm torn.)
378. welikeike said:
I bet those free-range chickens are to blame for the recent outbreak of e. coli, anyway (disregarding the news, here.)...
I see they haven't given up on the good old "how would you feel if [something close to you] was treated the same way [something controversial] was treated?!?" argument. It is as classic as "stay the course" and "I am not a crook," you could say.
379. leahpeah said:
dude. do the mormons know that free range chicken broth can raise the dead? because it would save them so much time doing those baptisms. they could just wake them up and ask them if they wanted to be a mormon.
also, it should be noted that i buy organic, free range chicken broth and consume daily, at a minimum, 3 organic and free range eggs. their parents all have feathers, of that i am very proud. i think it to myself as i eat their unfertilized young.
380. Lisa said:
Those cages? With the chickens and their shit all over each other? Put me through school. Put me and SEVERAl of my 9 siblings through school (including a lawyer). Inhumane? Maybe. But we did we had to do.
381. Lori77 said:
My first ever comment! Giddy-up!
Anyway, I can NOT stop laughing at this one. My kids think I've lost my mind. They're probably right...
382. Bekah said:
This is hilarious.
I don't buy organic chicken broth. Or organic chickens. And, oh my shit, I eat KFC. And I love it. (I mean, seriously, have you tried their honey mustard sauce with the popcorn chicken?)
I think what people are missing here is that these chickens are raised for the sole purpose of becoming food. Chuck is not being raised to become food, so why compare Chuck's life to the life of a chicken - free range or not?
If people are so concerned over what life the chicken has before being slaughtered... um, why don't you do something about it - like not eating chickens at all? If it's so important that the chickens be free and happy, why isn't it important to let them live their natural life span without snapping their little necks in half? Does it really make them feel good to go, "I know this chicken died so I could eat it, but man, he had it GREAT while was running around on the free-range farm."
I just don't get that line of reasoning. At all. In the end the chickens are still food.
(And, have you ever actually been AROUND a chicken? My mom has some chickens - for pets, not food - and they're the stupidest bird ever. Which is why we eat them (we just don't eat HER chickens). Her chickens have a little play yard and a coup and judging from the way they act, I can't imagine them being happier in a larger play yard, or unhappy in a smaller play yard. Chickens are not dogs who want to love someone and romp and play and get attention. Chickens want to peck at the ground and make noise and eat and shit. The end.)
Sorry if I sound like an uncaring bitch who loves her chicken, but I tend to be an uncaring bitch who loves her chicken.
383. Warrior Knitter said:
LOL!!!!
Actually, I prefer "chickens in choppers". If you've not seen it, it's hilarious. Go to cowswithguns.com & turn your speakers on. It's a flash movie. It's not dirty. And, yes, it will offend the hate-mailers.
Love your site, as always!!
384. Ms. Scarlet said:
I always love your hatemail editions ...
As a farmer myself, I'm with you on the whole organic free range chicken broth thing. We're eating the chicken shortly anyway, and once it's dead, it's not going to remember how much it's life did or did not suck.
I also wanted to add that I've raised chickens and they are evil, nasty, vile creatures who LIKE to eat their own crap even if they are free range. They also used to peck the crap out of me when I went to feed them, which made the revenge of eating them that much more delicious.
385. HalfwayCrucified said:
Q: Why did Mozart slaughter all of his free range chickens?
A: Because they kept going BACH, BACH, BACH, BACH!!!
386. Meranath said:
Heather -
I was reading through your comments and was going to add my two cents about how fucking stupid/hilarious that hatemail is. But first, I decided to do a Find to see how many times "fuck" showed up in the comments.
It crashed my browser.
I think that's even funnier.
Love you guys!!!
387. slate said:
You've really crossed the line this time chicken-hating-Dooce. It's personal, since I was raised by chickens in the jungle (wild jungle-chickens). It took a long time to integrate me into society, to make me stop clucking and pecking, but one thing I never forgot - what those chickens did for me. *tear*
So chicken-lovers of the world, let us unite to take down this Utah chicken-fascist!!!!!!!! (extra 'slammers', cause I know how you love em)
388. Pollo said:
cluck...
389. Jason said:
LOL
Wonderful hate mail edition! I can only hope to one day receive as much hate mail as you do.
390. fraucowtown said:
Wow. There are a lot of people out there with far too much time on their hands. You are amazing to put up with all the crap emails...
391. hillaryfay said:
I have to admit, I didn't get it. But the hatemail is fantastic.
I usually go for the best price and the prettiest box of chicken broth. If it's a way to support organic farming by using their chicken byproducts, I'd by the organic free range stuff.
392. katie moss said:
well done. in the end, I think Rich would be proud. by cuasing a stir you have raised the awareness of all your readers and i'm sure inspired a few people to check out the skinny on chicken treatment/chicken broth/and the difference between organic and free-range. thank you for unintentionally educating your readers on this "very important topic." i have to admit that i didn't find the original post that funny, but i live in Eugene, OR (hippie central) and assumed i was just to close to issue to find the humor in it. keep up the good work.
393. Kari said:
You know what's funny? I'm only a quasi-regular reader (once or twice a week) and even I knew that you were going to provoke the ire of a thousand angry supporters of organic, free range chicken. Knew it as soon as I read the post, as my first thought was "she really doesn't know how goddamn good organic, free range chicken broth is" before I could stop myself and then I laughed because I realized I missed the bigger point in the post.
394. Pandemonium said:
As for me, I prefer my chickens bald when I eat them.
395. MissMeaMea said:
I spent two weeks on my great-uncle's chicken farm when I was in high school. I had to help harvest eggs. He raised eggs for Perdue; he had one long, large chicken coop. Inside the chickens were free to roam, but they didn't go outside. Not great, I know, but neither did they live in their own shit in tiny cages. Every one of those feathered fuckers that I had to shoo out of a chicken "condo" to gather an egg was bright eyed, bushy tailed, and pissed at me. He also raised goats, who were pastured, and except for the eventual slaughter, were treated with kindness.
I'm just saying that just because it's not labeled organic and free range doesn't automatically mean it was living in Factory Farm Hell. There are still farmers who have self-respect and morals.
We're all impressed when some self-important jackass spouts off dramatic stories that he or she has read in The Omnivore's Dilemma or whatever the current hot book is...I mean, wow, you can memorize, GOOD for YOU...
Not that I'm against organic and free range. I've got the creds, I belong and work at the local natural foods co-op. I just like to have a side order of perspective with my dogma.
396. mslieder said:
Ya always have to worry when someone starts out with, "People like you..."
I ate alligator the other day...wonder if it was free-range.
397. Sonja said:
Oh, everybody just HAS to right. "Look at me! I know more than you do and you are stupid because of it. I refuse to waste another moment of my pretentious time reading your 'lack of education'." PULLEAZE! Heather, that was funny as hell. I laughed right along with you and Jon at your mother, and I mean that (mom) with affection!
To lamblast you for your post on free range chicken broth is just as unskilled and unrefined as it would have been to admonish my 2 year old daughter when she first saw her newborn brother and exclaimed "AHHHHH! A BOY SISTER!!" I mean, we could have informed her that she needed to register for an anatomy and biology class and shunned her from the rest of civilization until she was 14 and some peasant knocked on our door and asked for her dowery. But we didn't. We found some humor in it. Some people, on the other hand...
398. Karen said:
My husband I laughed our asses of over that post. I almost emailed you that day to thank you for the good laugh because I really needed it. Instead I'll be commenter number 400-something.
399. Leonie said:
Do these people even know how bad the INTERNET is for the environment! Energy! Save! Now! Shower! Later!
400. me said:
I will never understand how you can do this for a living without losing your mind, Heather.
People are so very odd.
401. Christine-y said:
I am still amazed that people take the time to send you hate mail. Some people seriously need to get a life. It's just chicken broth, for fuck's sake.
I personally thought it was funny. :)
402. Rusty said:
Ho...ly...CRAP. These people are psychotic! Obviously they missed the part where you said we might as well not eat chickens, seeing as by eating them, we're killing them either way, free range or living completely bald in their own feces. This is the stupidest argument I've ever heard, and as usual, I side with you on this one. Free range chicken broth is pretty damn funny.
403. Brittney Gilbert said:
If these morons had any clue, they'd know that "free range" chickens live jut as miserable a life as those who aren't. Free range don't mean shit, except that they are allowed a door to go outside through once a day. Free range chickens are still kept in tights cages, debeaked and starved to force molting.
Want to make a fucking difference? Don't write my Dooce, give up all meat, dairy and eggs. Otherwise, shut your self-righteous trap. Free-range and cage-free are only a minute amount less cruel.
Fucking amateurs.
404. Monkey's Mom said:
Oh SNAP! Who knew joking about free range chicken broth could cause such hate and that supporters of free range would be incapable of seeing the humor.
405. karin said:
Not to overload the bandwagon here...I tend to anthropomorphize meat: imagine how you feel when you are stressed and unhappy--clenchy, tense, TOTALLY unappetizing. That is why personally choose to eat animals that were happy in life--there are enough ways to get grumpy in life, I don't need residual stress in my meat. I do, however, love the image of happy little boxes of broth wandering in the sunshine...why WOULDN"T free-range broth taste better?!
406. Headhurt said:
I'm not a hater. I love both free-range and not-free-range chickens equally.
They both taste good in the secret recipe of eleven herbs and spices.
Don't forget the gravy.
(As a side note: is any chicken, caged or not, truly happy considering their heads are going to be lopped off in the most unceremonious way?)
407. Val said:
I'm glad that you have readers who are smart enough to notice how moronic and callous the post making fun of people who are aware enough to buy free range anything. Its too bad in this post you just try to make a joke out of it rather than acknowledging that animals who aren't raised organic, free range live a horrible life and we shouldn't purchase them to continue to support factory farming. Of course better yet is to go vegan.
408. Ate-to-the-Bar said:
Love your site! I'm so psyched you have a food-related entry so now your link on my blog has a direct connection to my content. The fact that my new year's resolution is vegetarianism will only make this funnier. Keep on rantin', grrrl!
409. Valeta said:
I use the dumb organic free range chicken broth all the time. Mostly because that is the only kind they sell in bulk at my Costco. I thought your jokes were funny. Those people are jerks. I hate dumb people who cannot take a joke. Seriously.
410. Darren Conley said:
It never ceases to amaze me how someone will complain about shit being dumped on a chicken's head, but then proceed to drop their pants and shit on a human being's head (metaphorically speaking) by saying "I hope this e-mail ruins your day".
Keep laughing Heather!
411. EOMama said:
Soylent Green is made of people! IT'S PEOPLE!!!!!
412. SurlyRide said:
Raise Your Hands!
Raise Your Voice!
Give the chickens another choice!
Join with me!
Set them free!
Brothers and sisters,
Let the chickens beeeeee!
413. samantha said:
It's funny, the more you look at the word "chicken", the more silly it looks. Silly like people who will FIND a reason, any reason, to come down on Heather because they're jealous.
*sigh*
We <3 you, Heather. And your organic dog, too. Heh.
414. Kelli said:
I think it's hilarious that people say they will stop reading your website forever just because they feel you talk about chicken broth in an unsavory manner.
415. Gretchie said:
Um, doesn't "free range" still mean they may still confined to cages, only they are bigger cages? I mean, is the chicken's quality of life better in a somewhat larger cage? Granted, if it's outfitted with Tivo, that may be acceptable... And while the chicken may not be much tastier, or any more nutritious, by golly, it was a bit more comfortable and well entertained in life.
On a related note, would it be acceptable to call first class passengers "Free Range Passengers", simply because their seats are somewhat larger than the coach passengers'?
416. mayberry_blonde said:
'Tis the season!
417. Jutenhoop said:
I've been reading for a long time, but have never been compelled to get an account to be able to comment. Thank you for all the laughs you've given me, and especially the tears I've shed reading.
Heather, you rock.
Here's to the idiots that are responsible for brilliant posts like this.
418. goddesschristine said:
wow. just, wow.
Did they all move around freely in their cages at the organic, free range asshole farm?
419. Leslie said:
People. Scare. Me.
Somedays it looks like the organic free range chickens are the lucky ones.
420. Di said:
I don't have anywhere near the readership you do, but take my advice from my experience on my blog...don't mention the FABULOUS fois gras appetizer you had at dinner!
421. Lisa said:
Are you watching CSI by any chance? I never watch this but I have it on and Danny Bonaduce is talking about the evils of chicken manufacturing....it made my laugh because I just read your entry about free range chickens....
422. Stephanie B said:
I have to admit that I didn't quite understand why you thought free range chicken broth was so funny either. But, hey, some people like Kevin Smith. I didn't take you for a chicken hater.
423. TigerLambGirl said:
I guess you've really gone and done it now; pissed off the entire lunatic fringe. I can smell another masthead brewing.
How about those V-neck t-shirts?
Any remote chance you guys will look into this since you're already checking out the kids t-shirts?
424. ChickNurse said:
This is the funniest thing you have written in a long time, so thanks. I really needed the laugh.
I am personally a chicken hater. We used to have chickens on our farm. Because the were free range, I have scars on my face. The damn birds would chase you all over the yard. When I was 2 I had one attack me and peck at my face. Thanks to that "chicken freedom" I have scars on my cheeks. So I'm all for caging them.
I don't buy anything organic if I can help it. I'm a firm believer in organic food leading to more starvation in the world. Okay, let me explain. An organic grain crop will produce MUCH less grain than non-organic. Therefore less grain production to feed the starving, only because some people are selfish enough to only think of themselves and buy organic because there is a chance it could be better for them. Anyways, that's my beef about organic food.
Please keep writing your humorous blog, and the entries about the haters are the best.
425. Shelley Bonnechance said:
America is doomed. We are doooooooooooomed.
Not because of the war in Iraq, but because we live in a society that is so pampered, so cosseted, that we have people who devote large amounts of their leisure time to writing hate mail about a CHICKEN BROTH post.
I think it would behoove us all to start reading up on the final days of the ancient Roman Empire so that we'll kind of know what to expect.
426. Nannergrrl said:
Anyone who would perpetuate the use and abuse of Aussie Shepards for dog-on-dog related porn deserves all the hatemail they receive.
427. Suebob Davis said:
"...I hope this e-mail ruins your day..."
Because I am all about the kindness to living beings, yo.
428. RzDrms said:
i just realized: waaay more important than the butterflies... which came first? the chicken or her free-range bald eggs? did they cross the road? did they make it to the other side?! answer, dooce, ANSWER!!!
429. Christina Shaver said:
I normally don't comment...are you even reading this far down?? But I just have to post on your hatemails. They are absolutely the BEST. Love it.
430. Jane said:
Some people need to get a life. Keep writing! You are great!
431. TigerLambGirl said:
Di,
I LOVE fois gras. It's fabulous.
Whiny do-gooders can suck it.
432. Gooooder said:
Of all the things people can possibly choose from in the world to get upset about.
Seriously?
Thanks for sharing with us how ridiculous people are. I almost forgot.
433. dykewife said:
it's amazing how angry people will get about things, isn't it. i, for one, would never have thought that free range chicken broth would have caused such a furor. i don't call them free range though, i call them "happy chicken" they do taste better imo, but that's me.. happy pork and happy beef taste better too. :)
i guess there are many humour impared people out in the world. i guess you should make fun of something safer, like, oh, i don't know, snow. oh, nevermind, i'm sure there are some snow advocates out there who would get their nose bent out of joint.
keep on writing, you're more fun than a barrel full of monkeys (have you smelled monkeys? ewww!)
434. MarkDM said:
>> Do you know how non free range chickens are raised?
Let's just call them what they really are without all the negatives, shall we? We're talking about expensive-range chickens, and who'd want to eat those?
>> And they are often rather bald because of the conditions. The ones that lay eggs are definitely bald.
Thank God for that. I don't *want* hair on my eggs! (!!)
>> Why is free range chicken broth so funny?
Man, some people are just dense. It's runny because it's *broth*, for Pete's sake. Gawd, learn to read, wouldja?
In conclusion, Heather, I'm just glad your chicken broth is home safe. Again. And I hope you've learned a lesson from this and that you'll keep it on a leash the next time you take it outside so it can go pee-pee.
435. Peter said:
Obviously poultry should be incorporated into the second line of clothing. Or eating...dogs...
436. joe said:
The masses have spoken. I hope you're proud of yourself. Shit-disturber
437. Mantha said:
You know, I had chickens growing up and they were most definitely free range. They still ate their own poop.
438. dykewife said:
oh, and bekah's wrong, chickens aren't the stupidest, turkeys are. my husband's uncle (a farmer) lost nearly an entire flock of turkeys because, during a blizzard, they all stood outside facing into the wind with their mouths gawping open. the they all froze. now that's dumb.
439. misskay said:
heather, love the blog! and even this vegetarian appreciated your humour about the chickens.
just a quick correction to another comment.
katy66 said "I was surprised there was not a brigade... people ready to peg [your house] with organic, caffiene free, Green Tea tea-bags."
katy66- green tea is FULL of caffiene. in fact, the only non-caffiented tea isn't really tea at all; it is just "herbs."
440. tish said:
I don't really get where these people get off criticizing you for your mockery of your mother(say that five times fast). Besides, if those numbskulls had really done their research they would know that free range is still not a lot better than cage raised chickens. Their life still sucks and they are still pretty lucky if they ever see the light of day.
So Peeashaw to them I say(or write), pschaw.
441. tomlawyer said:
Whew. OK, here goes.
I lurk a lot. I always get a chubby reading your posts. You are super-de-duper (is Barney still around?)
Now, the problem is that after setting up a typekey account, and seeing that there are 435 comments already, I've gone completely soft, but still wanted to comment. Please assure Jon (and Chuck) that I speak only figuratively.
I shall now go cover myself with organic chicken broth.
442. frankensoul said:
Dude. I almost died laughing after reading this, "And I make my own chicken broth from free range chickens. It is fucking amazing. It can heal the sick and raise the dead."
These people CANNOT be serious!!! (CAPS and exclamation points for your added pleasure).
443. Sebsmum said:
I guess everyone has a right to their opinion, so why are these people so rude to you when (a) you're only stating yours, and (b) they don't even know you personally. I just want to make one thing clear -- I doubt all organic-free-range-chicken-eaters are illiterate, it's just a few that give the rest a bad name. I like organic free range chicken broth too. Not because I feel sorry for the chickens, but because sustainable farming practices save the earth, and in turn save us. Besides, who WANTS a steady diet of antibiotics and growth hormones? Anyway, I too think "organic free range chicken broth" is funny. And sad. It's the sign of the times, just like bottled water and that Orwellian "homeland security" business. Oh, and one more thing: Heather, I love your blog.
444. paula said:
They probably use free range organic chicken broth in France, which is enough of a reason for me not to use it.
Al Gore probably loves the stuff.
445. KevinCharnas said:
I think that somewhere in the bible, it says that you are NOT suppose to make fun of free range chickens...or the chicken pee that makes up chicken broth. From what I understand, Jesus HATED chicken pee, but never made fun of it...he also hated chickens, that's why he created cages. He also liked it when they rolled around in their own feces, that's why he created feces.
So, you know what I think about all this? I think that Jesus caused all of this trouble...it's all his fault.
446. Sarah said:
I am so not a hater normally, but you sound like a moron in your post.
Definitely thought that said "... but you sound like a MORMON in your post."
Total oh-no-she-didn't moment.
447. nic said:
OMG. Thanks for the belly laugh, I seriously needed it.
448. Petuniabishco said:
Man, oh man. I do feel sorry for the chickens, honestly. But aren't there bigger issues to be dealt with??
And someone mentioned the dolphins that get stuck in tuna nets. I love what I heard from a comedian about this..."what about the tuna?"
449. anneelizmary said:
Yowsa. That's some steamy hot shit being dropped in the free range pasture. You'd think eating organic would mellow folks out. Apparently not.
Peace in this Advent Season to all who read this.
450. toftie said:
I like to think that your site is witty enough that the only people who really appreciate it and visit are from an intelligent sector of our population. So let's think of this little chicken broth incident as a way to weed out the imposters.
Much like ZeFrank when he tried to scare away the new viewers. I love it.
451. lilysgift said:
People should be worrying about the real issues here. I mean really, what with Heather's mistreatment of poor Chuck (ie: throwing him out on a cold winter's night) Leta's terrible nutritional health due to Heather witholding food from the little sweetie, (geez, not even a saltine cracker with peanut butter?)God only knows what she does to Jon behind closed doors. Sure, she says she and Jon are going to go down to the basement to "work", but do we really know what goes on down there? One can only imagine the stacked cages of terrified chickens, part of a science experiment gone horribly wrong...:0)
452. Heather G. said:
Are these hate mailer people really serious??
I appreciate your need to explain your previous post, but you REALLY didn't have to.
We got it and we thought it was funny and the best part was that your mother was arguing the "other" side and I wish I could have seen the expression on her face when she realized that and I took note of that fact so when I want someone to see the "other" side I'm going to go all devils-advocate on them.
I'm seriously re-considering this I-wanna-be-dooce-when-i-grow-up thing because I don't think I could spend all day deleting stupid emails...........and I might lose faith in humankind all together.
453. LaurenKitsune said:
Haha, I love how so many of them mention Chuck.
I mean, the analogy completely works, since I KNOW you're not going to cage HIM up before you eat him.
I think free-range broth is hilarious, as well. Why don't the hippies advocate sending the chickens on an all-expense-paid luxury cruise? WE NEED THEM COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY BEFORE WE DIP THEM IN SWEET 'N' SOUR.
454. Jentle said:
See, I found the organic free range broth hilarious, because it reminded me of one of my first dates with my wife. We went to a grocery store and 7 years later we're STILL not over the fact that we found a bottle of pills called "liquid calcium." Dude, we shook the bottle. It rattled. There was no sloshing. And also? Liquid calcium? Wouldn't that be milk?
455. biscuitninja said:
ahahahahaha!!! there is a shirt i think you might need. it's from threadless.com. it's pink and says "Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder." get one and wear it with pride, and possibly have Chuck model it.
why does it seem like the people that want to save the chickens have a bit of an anger issue. possibly they're a bit testy that they're living an oxymoron: "save the chickens, but let me have leather seats in my gas guzzling greenhouse gas emitting pavement pounding SUV"
yep. oxymoron.
456. chezwhat? said:
Thankyou for pointing out the bizarre irony of free range chicken broth. What an idiotic marketing gimmick.
And thanks for sharing all the absolutely hilarious insulting emails. It's like the PETA people, demanding Hamburg change its name because it aggrandizes a meat sandwich...beyond comprehension.
SO a good laugh at all people who don't seem to know how stupid chickens are, they are like bunnies, they are made to eat. Okay, let them walk around, it makes us feel better about ourselves, very nice.
But how dare we not think about the chickens! People in America are crazy.
signed, Portland Oregon
457. Talon said:
I can't help but cackle at the hatemail. It's like reading about the hate mail that Bill Watterson got for using canabilism, child labor and adoption in the same Calvin and Hobbes strip. Your chicken broth entry was very much cackle-licious and cackle incucing and all those other madeup words I have stored in my vocabulary.
*I* understood what you were making fun of, and frankly I am the most oblivious person I know.
...
I suppose it goes without saying that if there were a more oblivious person than me I'd either be oblivious to that fact, or else they would reside in your "Hate is all you need" folder.
SAVE THE CHICKEN BROTH...stuff.
*snicker*
458. bethgo said:
One more thing.
I love Chuck. Please don't eat him.
459. Sweet! said:
Thanks for the laughs Dooce! I found the free range broth so funny I was reading to wife in bed last night. Gotta love that so many people are too dumb to get a joke.
Keep on - please! Oh, and Happy Holidays (proper Pastafarian salutation of course)
-Michelle
460. Karan said:
I can't wait to read your opinion about organic salmon...believe me when I say that I've gulped plenty of sea water in my day and there is nothing more organic than salty water mixed with sand and fish piss....not to mention all that offshore sewage and mercury. Yup....nothing more organic than that.
461. kar said:
I have to say, I was not offended by your post, but I did find it initially confusing and I could see why some people might THINK (incorrectly) that you were slamming organic chicken and broth. As far as hate mail goes, these seemed kind of mild--even though people missed your message, some of it was kind of well meaning and not entirely stupid. In the end though, it's all so pointless. Even though this is your life, it is creative expression--people can read or not read and dislike this post but continue to enjoy others. It's so weird that your entire professional contribution to the blog and writing community can be defined by a post about chicken broth!! Wild.
462. jill said:
I am a crunchy, tree-hugging, composting, home-birthing, organic vegetarian, tandem breastfeeding Canadian... AND I got the chicken broth joke.
I even wash my hair, wear eyeliner and listen to that hip hop. The things you can do in this day and age!
Of course, I think you are da bombaliciousest blogger ever. xox
463. vanessa said:
Some of your readers (well ex readers since they've upped and left) have some obvious reading comprehension difficulties. I'm pretty sure you talked about how the free rangedness of chickens couldn't possibly affect the taste of its broth. Some readers read that to mean that you support chicken torture or something of the sort. I think with those readers gone you've increased the collective IQ of the remaining readers. Good.
464. Whinemaker Lisa said:
I cannot believe the chicken broth backlash! Good lord people, get a freakin' life!
465. Dave C said:
Ok, I'm going to step way to the right of this one and just say it.
Chickens are food and I really don't care how they are raised as long as they eventually end up in my frying pan.
The fact that these folks were offended makes me happy and I have even more respect for you, Heather. Keep it up.
466. Lisa's Chaos said:
I love reading your hatemail but I don't fully understand why people get so passionate against you. They can choose to not read your blog; you don't force them to read - or do you? :) I think they are just crying out for your attention. I'm really glad that you don't let them get you down.
I enjoy reading most of your posts and if I'm not interested in one I just don't read it, no big deal. Never in my life have I agreed with a person 100% of the time. Never.
467. Amy9Moons said:
Hey, if they're so worried about them chickens, they shouldn't EAT chickens. Bragging about how damn good their organic free range shit-free anti-bald leper-curing broth is don't mean squat when they are still KILLING THE CHICKENS.
468. Katai said:
At first I was thinking, whoa, that Megan girl has GOT to be a hippie. But then she explained how she not only wears makeup, but was wearing it AT THAT VERY MOMENT. So now I see she couldn't possibly be a hippie, as everyone knows that if a she-hippie puts on makeup, her face melts off.
469. Amy9Moons said:
p.s. I smiled when I saw the link to the Jets.
Only was a bit disappointed that it wasn't "Rocket 2 U".
470. Macotter said:
What? No boiled dog! How anti Native American! Native Americans were free range. Didn't help!
471. Jackie said:
Whoa, when I was in high school some girl actually told me that God sent chickens here to die for us (and that's why it's OK to eat Wendy's chicken sandwiches). I was like-- oh, you mean like Jesus? Would you eat a Jesus sandwich? She got pretty mad... Interestingly enough not nearly as mad as the chicken brigade though. And I mean, really, if all those people cared sooo much about chickens, why aren't they all vegans? At least vegans are hardcore.
472. Daydreamerme said:
I don't get it. I thought the point of your post was to highlight the fact that organic chicken broth is a bit silly as there's really not that much chicken in it (and here I risk the the wrath of the guy who was outraged at your inability to make chicken broth as I share that inability, and praps theres more in chicken broth than the flavour leeched out of come chicken bones, I dunno). Why are people so incredibly touchy? And mean? As if you would be advocating that chickens should live in tiny cages covered in theirs, and their neighbours, poo.
As stupid as some of these people seem, their comments were also distasteful - more than one person mentioned that this better way of raising chickens improves the taste of the chicken on your plate. Silly me, but I thought the point of organic/free range was that it is better for the chicken, not our taste buds.
Idiots.
473. TigerLambGirl said:
"But how dare we not think about the chickens! People in America are crazy.
signed, Portland Oregon"
It's interesting to see how many people from American make comments about other commentors and refer to them as being American. Forgetting that Dooce's site is read WORLDWIDE.
Some of the nutter-comments and nutter-hatemails MUST come from other parts of the world too.
If you think American's are crazy when it comes to animals? America is big and eats a LOT of meat - so it's only a small fraction!
Just go to England. Seriously - I've never seen so many cat-ladies. And fucking weirdo vegetarians. Not your normal vegetarian - I mean militant mother fuckers who hate others who eat any kind of meat.
474. TigerLambGirl said:
"But how dare we not think about the chickens! People in America are crazy.
signed, Portland Oregon"
It's interesting to see how many people from American make comments about other commentors and refer to them as being American. Forgetting that Dooce's site is read WORLDWIDE.
Some of the nutter-comments and nutter-hatemails MUST come from other parts of the world too.
If you think American's are crazy when it comes to animals? America is big and eats a LOT of meat - so it's only a small fraction!
Just go to England. Seriously - I've never seen so many cat-ladies. And fucking weirdo vegetarians. Not your normal vegetarian - I mean militant mother fuckers who hate others who eat any kind of meat.
475. Peeve said:
Heehee. Good LORD it'd kill some people to have a sense of humour, wouldn't it?
476. mandee said:
"I don’t know about you, but now that I know that the eggs I eat for breakfast every morning might possibly be laid by a bald chicken, a rather bald chicken, waking up is going to be a hundred percent more awesome."
best part of the whole post.
477. Freerangebob said:
Why is it that only we freerangers remember the significance of December 7th? Here's a hint, 1941. Yes it was the day the free range chickens of Hawaii were attacked by the Japanese fast food industry. Free range chickens were first brought to the islands by Capt. Cook is 1778 and hunted later for sport and food by the indigenous population. That is why the original name of the islands was the Sandwitch Islands. It was not until anexed by the US in 1898 that freerange chickens became under their protectorate and saved from extinction.
Once again hunting and eating this noble group has become popular.
I urge all freerangers to arm themself ...the resistence lives!
Do not go quietly into that good pot,but rage against it.
Freerange Bob
478. Mine said:
It always amazes me what peoples limits are. For all the opinions you share with us Heather from depression to clogs to Mormons...the list goes on and on
But see now you've gone too far, you've dared to discuss broth and chicken broth at that and ORGANIC CHICKEN BROTH - the line has been crossed.
Its hysterical - I love it.
Animal rights and all that but surely the cruelest thing people do to chickens is eat the damn things, but so long as they can say they let them run around in a lovely pasture, what? so they'd know what they'd be missing as they were led off to the slaughter house.
Yeah, Cheers, Thanks a lot.
Good share Heather.
P.S I'm not wearing any make up right now and I don't plan to for the rest of the day - EVEN IF I LEAVE THE HOUSE.
479. LindaF said:
As a vegetarian and an advocate of using free-range products, I still found your post *very funny*. I just wanted to defend us normal vegetarians, and point out that we can still have a sense of humor about non-vegetarian topics. :)
480. Lizzie_B said:
I'm just wondering if you watched last night's episode of CSI. They had a chicken processing plant on there and were talking about the cruelty to the chickens. All I could think of was your free range chicken lovers out there and wondering if they were sending CBS hate mail too. It was hilarious.
481. Ktkat said:
Oh, I do SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO love you Heather. I was a vegetarian for 12 years (and I used to espouse the virtues like a God-fearing born-again Chris-ti-ian), but even I found your original post funny. I guess I've just got a sense of humor. Oh, and the ability to NOT TAKE THINGS SO FUCKING SERIOUSLY!
Having said that, I will be mailing all my bald chicken eggs to you so that you can live long and prosper.
YOU ROCK my dear. Keep it up and don't let the turkeys get ya down!
482. OneBabyMama said:
Hahah. What I think is hilarious is that the people who are screaming "THINK OF THE CHIIIIICCCKKKKENS!!!"?
They're still fucking EATING them. :-p
You rule, darling. I raise my cup of organic free range chicken broth in a toast.
Um, eew.
(there WAS organic free range chicken broth in my fridge at the time of this post! I used it to make turkey noodle soup. The turkey was SO TOTALLY not free-range. Thhbbbt)
483. thleen said:
wow.
So next year it's going to be Free Range Chuck calendars, right? It's the right thing to do.
And why do these "haters" always refer to caging Chuck? That is just twisted.
Keep on bloggin', Heather.
484. defaultlisa said:
I'm still confused. If it's free-range, organic chicken broth, why is it packaged in a tiny, cramped box? Wouldn't it be tastier as a long, flowing river or maybe an ocean?
(Vegetarian with a sense of humor who has been reading for a year or more and never fails to love your blog)
485. Lesann620 said:
Leslie's List O Worries
1. CeRtIFiEd OrGaNic FrEE-RAngE ChiCKen BrOTh!!!
2. The many exams and projects I have to pass this week in order to get enough credits to graduate from college on time- because if I fail GEO I'm fucked.
3. Paying my bills when I don't get another chunk of student loans until Jan. 9.
4. Getting my assignements in on time for the newspaper I work for so that my boss doesn't shove her foot up my ass.
5. This one is a confusing doozy- My mother's best friend's daughter's failing health due to cancer.
6. CeRtIFiEd OrGaNic FrEE-RAngE ChiCKen BrOTh!!!
Heather you rock. Chickens are for eating. These people are silly.
486. LingLing said:
Guess what suckers. It's not whether one's a Democrat or a Republican, but whether or not one can *afford* to pay for organic & free range. According to some people's (il)logic Bush should be a hippie. Consider this: Bush and his have-more Republican buddies along with most of his Democrat golf cronies get served organic fare on a regular basis. Oh let those little people eat factory chickens.
Maybe factory chickens are Republicans? This is all chicken sh*#!
487. Ames said:
I enjoy dooce with my coffee every morning.
Don't listen to the haters, they are just jealous that you are getting more attention than them.
Ah...hot organic free range chicken soup....yummers!
488. causaleffect said:
As much as I would like to read all 486 comments, my boss would drown me in free range chicken broth. But I am sure this comment will get buried in tuna waste anyway.
Damn, I'm hungry now and I will head over to the local dead cow cooking factory and feast.
489. TexChic said:
I prefer to use the generic, poopy, bald caged bird broth, meat, and eggs, myself, and save the extra money for more important things like side dishes, fruits, and veggies. I just don't care about the welfare of the poor chickens, and I think those that do probably have more money that they have sense. Think about it. Why should you have to pay MORE for organic? Don't all those feed additives and hormones cost money? You would think organic, free-range chicken would be cheaper since the growers don't have to invest in all those cages and watering systems! But then how could they convince the public that it's better for them? Why, by charging more, of course. We Americans all know that if it costs more it must be better, right? I think the whole organic, free-range concept is hilarious, not just the chicken broth! Come and get it, suckers!
490. Bekah said:
dykewife - Ha! I totally stand corrected. I've just (luckily) never had experience with turkeys before. Ducks are pretty stupid, too, but not as stupid as chickens, and apparently, WAY smarter than turkeys.
491. Hubby of Red said:
I would just like to say I have been reading your site for a while and throughly enjoy it. I can never really see where these people are coming from when they send you the hate mail, it is obvious to everyone I know that the site is full of satire. I do think that you got waylaid by a PETA/Vegan mailing list though. Also a hippie in a makeup mask is still a hippie, do not let them fool you.
492. c-ray said:
I did a little research on the two chicken lifestyle options being discussed. All I can say is yuck, ew and sick. Both look equally disgusting and inhumane.
Yes, I eat meat but I try to always buy it from local farmers so I can see that the poor things are healthy and happy (and definitely not bald) before being butchered. I guess it just makes me feel a little better knowing they were able to live at least part of their lives happily. Honestly, I personally do notice a flavor difference and typically I make my own broth so the difference carries through to that too.
Now, as for the original topic that started all of this (organic free-range chicken broth and your mom's tree huggin' hidden hippie side that has been hiding in a dark corner of her mind) ... isn't it funny how parents sometimes do that. It is good to hear that your liberal views might be ever so slightly rubbing off on her.
I love your post and appreciate the beautiful graphic design savvy qualities it has.
493. Prozac-Mommy said:
What has the world come to when people wig out about chickens!?! What about the pigs, sheep, and other livestock? Are their Graze-Free Steaks or Lamb-chops?
Do these people think that they live in prestine environments? No! They lay in their own SHIT!
Do they realize that their HAM sandwich basically lived in mud and shit for the majority of its short and tasty life? They aren't fed rice and beans to plump them up, no, they're getting what's left on our plates!! They even eat PORK!!
Shut up and go hug a tree!
494. crystal said:
Bald chickens? Awww, to hell with THAT. I'll be buying all my chicken at KFC from now on. You know the Colonel, in his infinite and pompadoured wisdom, supplied those chickens with Rogaine.
Yummy.
495. Scarecrow said:
This has been very entertaining and enlightning. However, after reading all these comments, I can't stop asking myself 'What would Foghorn Leghorn do'?
496. Charlie said:
It seems your skin had to thicken
Because your readers, both hippie and wiccan,
Respond to your humor
Like some basal cell tumor
Being pecked at by an organic free-range chicken.
497. doctor t said:
Vote Dooce in 2006!
http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_diarist.php
498. kate said:
I understood that the intent of the original post was to poke fun at your mother. However, the hate-mail post (despite its humorous content) and the subsequent comments have brought us back to the chickens.
On the surface, the issue seems ridiculous. Chickens. Who cares, right? But I have to agree with "Reader" above, who wrote that it's a much more complex issue. Yes, the chickens are going to die anyway, but there are larger environmental, social, and economic factors at stake, and the issue really can't be reduced down to the happiness of a chicken and whether or not that's important.
Certainly, there are problems to eating organic food -- the most obvious being the cost. Of course, people have to do what is feasable for them. Perhaps someday politics and policies will allow for small organic farmers to reduce their prices. At any rate, just because it's expensive doesn't mean it's stupid, and it's just really suprising to see so many people laughing at the issue. (Even if that wasn't your intent, Heather.)
All this said, I find it appalling that people like to e-mail you with such rude sentiments and language. But then, it is upsetting to see people hate-commenting right back.
499. Kellyim said:
Apparently the whole concept of sarcasm completely eludes some people. The free range chicken broth set definitely take themselves way too seriously.
500. Devonny said:
wow you would think that people who so strongly dislike a specific kind of mindset - for example anti mormon, anti chicken broth, lol, Would NOT come to a page that explicitly warns them that THAT is the kind of material they will find there. yet they waste their time reading it and then waste your time bashing it
501. Meg said:
I'm just completely startled that people take the time out of their day to comment that they didn't think a post was funny. Not offensive, just "not funny." Not bad, just "not funny." Not that they minded it at all, they just "didn't find it that funny."
Okay. So?
It's like turning to your friend when you're out for the evening and saying, "You don't look bad, you just don't look great, either. I just thought you should know."
I love non-opinions.
502. Y said:
My dad is Mexican and gets his sh's and ch's mixed up, so he doesn't say "chickens", he says "Shickens."
I tell you this because as I was reading your post, I was thinking of my dad screaming "THE SHICKENS. THINK OF THE SHHHHHHICKENS."
And it made me laugh.
503. Chicken Little said:
Based on the comments (not Dooce's posting), the best way to kill a chicken is to bore it to death. I know many are trying to kill time until Oprah, and I guess there's some novelty to seeing your name on the ole Internet, but is it too much to ask that a comment be even mildly entertaining, and not in that "funny odd" kind of way?
504. bandick said:
You know what?
Chicken butt.