A Selection of Recent, Random and Wholly Unrelated Observations, Volume I
One should never participate in a spontaneous bikini wax.
If one is taking regularly scheduled potty breaks, one is obviously not spending enough time looking for full-time employment and therefore will not qualify for an unemployment insurance extension.
My dog looks smashing in styling gel and bobby pins.
People should reconsider naming their children Kemper, or Kjeldon, or Kovar, or VeLyn, or JeLyn, or Hyrum, or Helium, or Allegra. I refuse to refer to your child as Prophet Joseph, Jr.
My mom really is the Avon World Sales Leader. She so wasn't kidding.
Some of the people who read a website and make comments on that website are COMPLETELY INSANE.
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FM Living
Paul said:
That's why I will keep my comments to myself.
12.17.02 - 06:34 AM / 1S. said:
Styling gel works great on cats too. Especially if you have a longhair and you've always wanted to fulfill your latent mohawk fantasies.
12.17.02 - 06:41 AM / 2The Mighty Jimbo said:
More fart jokes! More fart jokes! And bukkake! And asparagus! I like asparagus.
12.17.02 - 06:46 AM / 3Beerzie Boy said:
I'm naming my next boy Vyagarah just so I can call him Vy.
12.17.02 - 06:51 AM / 4Edsmonkey said:
Remember it's not how many times you go but how long you stay in there (and what you are reading).
We need to see pics of Chuck in gel and bobby pins!
*of course one also wonders how much time you spend coiffeuring your dog*
12.17.02 - 06:52 AM / 5Anonymous said:
Oh! And one should never participate in a spontaneous colorectal examination.
12.17.02 - 06:54 AM / 6Funtime Ben said:
Yeah, people who read a website and make comments on that website are COMPLETELY INSANE. I'm glad somebody said it... hey wait...
12.17.02 - 06:59 AM / 7Prophet Completely Insane, Jr. said:
My Mom, VeLyn, could beat your mom in an Avon sell-off any day, sister.
12.17.02 - 07:01 AM / 8Brandon said:
My Grandmother used to sell Avon. Well not actually Avon. It was some cheap knock-off brand based on "Aloe - Natures Miracle Plant". Yeah, when I was 13 she gave me this acne medication...for christmas. It cured my acne, but who would have known I would have a horrible topical reaction to Aloe. Plants suck.
12.17.02 - 07:05 AM / 9vic said:
i like the names of shirley q liquor's 19 children. some examples:
cheeto, gynolotramin, k-martina, cotylenol, puff pastry, clymidia, champagne and the list goes on.
12.17.02 - 07:08 AM / 10lindsay said:
as a former southern-Idaho democrat Lutheran (ha! ha ha! ha ha ha!) i have to also request a moritorium on all child-names such as Cody, Dakota, Sierra, Sienna, and Hootie. No, seriously, there was a Mormon family in the town I lived in with 11 children, two of which were naemd variations of Hootie. It almost makes me glad to be back in Northern VA, with the Christian Right and all. ALMOST. I do miss the Jello molds of Logan and and Pocatello, though.
12.17.02 - 07:14 AM / 11Eponymous said:
A friend told a wonderful story of using Nair in the bikini area and then going for a jog. Two blocks later she was pounding on the door of someone's house in dire pain. Needless to say, I have never tried Nair.
I had my children's names planned out since junior high. Zeus, for a boy and Odessa for a girl. No surprise I read the Illiad when I was seven.
My mom must have bought all of that Avon crap from your mom. I think she still has some.
12.17.02 - 07:17 AM / 12Jason Kill said:
I find the comments on your site to be mostly people struggling to imitate your wit. In a world where everyone fancies himself a writer, you are the real thing. Peace.
12.17.02 - 07:19 AM / 13Anna said:
The Utah Baby Namer: My personal favorite is "Abcde"
12.17.02 - 07:21 AM / 14shy said:
to previous commenter - adobe is totally money and bling! bling! and basically super ultra mega dumb fresh! props on the cool name... i don't know about kid's name, but when i get a dog, i'm calling him mango. dooce, i am sorry that i am insane. but i am now on xanax so i'm much more relaxed these days.
12.17.02 - 07:28 AM / 15dooce said:
shy, i only said some of the people, not all of the people.
12.17.02 - 07:30 AM / 16liz said:
now, I knew someone named Allegra..
12.17.02 - 07:42 AM / 17aubs said:
a boy from my high school truly wanted to name his kid 'asshole'. His name would be 'Asshole Kane.' I think in his twisted mind it would rid people of the thoughts of naming him 'Candy' instead. Re: hair gel in dogs, I painted my cat's tail white last night out of frustration from him continuing to walk on my newly gessoed canvas. Thus far, he seems to like his smashing new look. I'll give him Clairol Mega hold next time.
12.17.02 - 07:47 AM / 18drew said:
i have a niece named xaundelle
12.17.02 - 07:56 AM / 19Naaman said:
Some people can be completely insane all of the time, or all of the people can be completely insane some of the time, but all of the people cannot be completely insane all of the time. *This excludes Rev. Jesse Jackson, Jerry Fallwell, and the newly added Trent Lott.
12.17.02 - 08:09 AM / 20the media said:
best kid name, god almighty. almighty for short.
12.17.02 - 08:11 AM / 21why be normal? said:
My neighbors named their newborn daughter "Laura" and I'm all like what kind of wacked name is that???
12.17.02 - 08:23 AM / 22alli said:
I already know I'm insane. But thank you for the reminder!
12.17.02 - 08:34 AM / 23Mark said:
Woof. Pass the carrots, please.
12.17.02 - 08:55 AM / 24ex southern babtist said:
You are right about the insane thing. I just glance past those ones. The good commentaries are the ones I pay attention to.
12.17.02 - 09:02 AM / 25shy said:
forget what i said previously... i obviously didn't read what anna wrote properly. 'Abcde' is so not the same as 'adobe'. obviously my xanax is relaxing me a little too much.
12.17.02 - 09:05 AM / 26Laura said:
Why Be Normal?: It's a perfectly lovely name. So don't even step to this.
12.17.02 - 09:06 AM / 27shy said:
believe me, dooce... i think it's safe to categorize me in the insane category. but thanks for the clarification. ;)
12.17.02 - 09:07 AM / 28Totah DinÈ said:
The name Hortense makes me giggle. It's an oxymoron that I find rather amusing.
12.17.02 - 09:11 AM / 29kgjbnme said:
Rule for Naming a Child: the name should sound good with "U.S. Supreme Court Justice" preceding it.
12.17.02 - 09:14 AM / 30