You might want to consider purchasing a Snoopy Snowcone Maker before you eat there. That way you can get rid of the ring sting after you blow your colon out!
AWWW man that stuff gives me the Shiitz. Everytime I head to Taco Bell - 2 hours later I get the UT OH's and have to run to the bathroom to let the fertilizer out
01.05.05 - 07:11 AM
28. Southern girl said:
I am the most impatient person ever - I stalk this website until she changes the picture and posts new stuff. I need hobbies.
Ah, retro Dooce photography (missing that streaking effect you used to employ, though). What's that line from the Simon & Garfunkel song?
"And the people bowed and prayed
to the neon god they made
and the sign flashed out its warning
in the words that it was forming: WARNING. KILLER MEXICAN FOOD."
From the neon god to the porcelain god, here's to you heather.
I recently went for Thai food and thought, "hey, dried chili's can't be that bad right?" Wrong. Seeing your sign, even though it's Mexican, makes my rectum shudder with fear.
Fish's comments get me every time. I totally want to eat there. Mail me some leftovers?
01.05.05 - 07:27 AM
37. Kerry said:
I love this photo!
But I have a question for commenters: I don't get why Mexican food has such a reputation for making people shit. It doesn't make me shit anymore than any other cuisine (Taco Bell is excluded from this. Even though it is tasty, it is not Mexican Food).
Anyway, I imagine that Mexican Food would make me shit more if I, say, ate it in Mexico, and washed it down with some nice Mexican tap water. Otherwise, I feel like all this poo-gossip is slander.
Is it because beans cause gas? Did that fact somehow get transformed over time into Mexican food causes poo?
This is not a rhetorical question. I really want to know.
Do you mean you have MEXICANS in Utah? It's not the arayan state? :)
PS... at the pharmacy where I refill my meds 2x a month... it's always, Mrs. Rios your Lexapro is ready... Mrs. Rios are you here for your Wellbutrion? So much for confidentiality :)
Kerry (#37), you must have iron intestines if you have to ask! :)
For me, the combination of hot sauce, jalapenos, onions, beans, and whatever secret ingredients are contained therein make for a dash to the bathroom as soon as we get back to the office from Mexican lunch.
That's a great photo. The vibrancy of the colors alone causes thoughts of gut-wrenching pain and hours on the toilet trembling from exhaustion.
01.05.05 - 07:51 AM
56. Michelle said:
So proud of y'all to resist all the first talk - it's a refreshing change. As a lurker, I guess i shouldn't complain, but JEEZ LOUISE - it's as painfully annoying as a ring sting. And as to the photo - killer composition and do you endorse this one personally? joining the likes of Cypress Hill, House of Pain, Luke Skywalker?? not Mark What's His Name - oh, I get it now...
Eating Mexican food certainly does invoke the Incan God of Colon Blow, Techyoumapoopsa. He was a harsh god and those devoted to his service were most assuredly celebate. The villagers quickly tired of him and his steaming sacrifices and he was replaced with Zumaspankame, the god of fun time spanking.
my ass is on fire just reading that!! You support in relief efforts warms my heart heather. Thank you for posting blog aid I will be signing up to help support!
Jenn
Someone asked yesterday about the google-ads on dooce. Does just clicking them and going to the site make money or is it more complicated than that?
I never saw an answer...and I am clueless (You all already knew that though)
"Eproctophilia —"Beans! Beans! The magical fruit! The more you eat, the more you…" This person is horny whenever farting is involved. An ideal date might begin at Taco Bell, or perhaps with cabbage, beans, and a Farrelly Brothers movie."
Girl A - I bet there are a lot of German video makers that suffer from that. Alas, I'll always be celebate thanks to that goldfish accident back in 92'. Who would have though Koi could be so viscious?
Oh Man. Having eaten bad Mexican food in the past I would never go near this place. El agua no es purificado.
When I looked a the thumbnail I thought for a minute that it was another Zing Zing Zingbah picture and I actually had an involuntary hesitation to clicking on it.
The lovely JulieT - Actually you give a lot of shit, but not about spelling. What a way to start the day. Doo doo talk.
Something tells me Fish, Metro and Girl A can turn this mutha out even more too. I really don't want to end up sucking my thumb curled in the fetal position again.
*looking up from his list of dirty red iguana jokes*
Wha? Oh, Scott, I'll be with you in a minute.
01.05.05 - 08:37 AM
80. George Lover said:
Just clicked on one of the Google ads and found out that Elvis had a toxic colon. who knew?
01.05.05 - 08:39 AM
81. Eliza said:
I LOVE the Red Iguana but refuse to eat there after dark ... the parking lot is too scary for little me. Seriously, I may have to go there for lunch today, just for the salsa. Yummy!
Hey, I'm all for clicking on the ads to help support BlogAid...and for clicking on them at other times, just to help support the Blurbodoocery. But I think, maybe, I should start clicking with eyes wide shut. I just don't think I'll be able to burn the words "impacted fecal matter" from my memory any time soon.
Mexican food is the best. Well, Tex-Mex is anyway.
I find all the comments on rushing to the bathroom everytime right after eating Mexican food rather funny. Maybe all you northerners just aren't built for it. ;)
Do not provoke my Girl A. She will *google* it, and you do not want to go there. Well maybe you do, but ohhhhh I don't.
I love the "thinking" entry for today. The best is when you call your pharmacy for a refill, and they say "which one" and you're like...well, could you go over the menu for me?"
I'm just confused as to what the hell would happen to your iguana to make it red? I can see killer mexican food giving you red ring, but a red iguana, too?
I just realized that Leta and I are born on the same day!! Yay! I've only ever met 2 other Feb 3rd babies in my life. Well, Leta, You were born on a wonderful day under a great sign and I know you will give your mommy lots of joy! Happy 11 months!
I'm normally just a lurker on this and Jon's site and I keep wanting to post a comment but I can never come up with anything witty enough. Today I thought I had it. I was going to mention the colon cleansing ad and how interesting it is that it's under a picture of the best way to cleanse your colon that I've heard of. But, a bunch of people beat me too it. Oh well. Maybe next time.
By the way, I love the site and Leta is absolutely perfect. Anyone who says so is just jealous. :p
01.05.05 - 09:03 AM
95. Valerie said:
Is it coincidence that it is Mexican Killer food and the Google ad is for colon cleansing?
Ok I clicked the other ad.....How big is my colon that it has 20 pounds of shit in it that needs to be liquified and flushed? I am only 26....does that mean I have a mere 5 lbs of compacted feces?? I am so never clicking again until tomorrow.
Mrs. Stray! You speak poopy of the King! I am shocked and dismayed!
01.05.05 - 09:25 AM
105. laurabelle said:
I had no idea that death began in the colon. Thanks google ads!
01.05.05 - 09:26 AM
106. The other Paula said:
I actually went and read the testimonials on the colonic ad during my lunch, now I cant even look at my nice turkey wrap and Im a little green around the gills. Gross. Why did I read it? WHY????
Oh and while at the pharmacy once, the pharmacists assistant actually had the nerve to say "Back again are we"? to me. Kinda rude ya think? My sister was with me, and told me I should have answered with "Yeah, the crabs are out of control, I needed something stronger". That would have shut her up.
Oh my God! I grew up in Utah and my family would treck to the Red Iguana for the best chicken mole in the area. Thanks for the memory.
01.05.05 - 09:31 AM
109. Julie said:
Don't worry about the pharmacist. It happens to me all the time too. I have really bad migraines - 3 or so a week - and am on 4 meds for that. Also got postpartum depression. Then anxiety. Plus have no immune system at all so I'm always getting sick from the mutant germs the baby brings home from the daycare center.
Not to mention that our baby has monster acid reflux and she is on three meds herself.
ALL the people at our pharmacy know us by name. Sometimes I make my husband go just because I'm so embarrassed to go pick up my meds YET AGAIN. Another time I transferred all my meds to another pharmacy...but it was too far to drive so I just switched them back and walk in there in shame everytime. I try to buy diapers or formula or something to make it look like I'm not just a pill freak. You know...like buying a thing of shampoo and a magazine with the home pregnancy test or the condoms!!!!
Maybe the pharmacists are just angry because they will lose their jobs and go to jail for a while if they try to skim off any of the tasty medications.
Not that all of them do that or even think about it. But, heh.
01.05.05 - 09:33 AM
112. Carol said:
GirlA - I love how a sadist's website has all kind of ways to inflict pain, while at the bottom has an ad to stop smoking. Mwwuahahah!
As for red iguanas, my experience has been mostly purple-ish. I love mexican food - going to get some now. Mmmmm... hot boiling cheese with little green thingies in it. I need a colonic, like, NOW!
Colonics aren't as bad as you would think. I get them to help with the prevention of migraines and kidney stones. God, what the fuck? I'm 28 and I get sick like I'm an old bastard!
Seriously, I read so many mixed reports about colon cleansing. Some say do, some say don't. The do makes a bit more sense to me now, but heck, why don't I ask my doctor?
Just don't confuse the red iguana with the blue iguana (and I'm talking food establishments here). Red is much better than blue! Mmmm....smothered burrito....
A. Best thumbnail ever.
B. Seeing the other photo just shows how good Heather's photos really are... http://rediguana.citysearch.com/
...as if we didn't know that already.
C. I think GirlA has a *special* google touch.
01.05.05 - 09:52 AM
122. victoria said:
So, I entered that CitySearch html, and learned that the Red Iguana is informing its customers, "We now sell alcoholic beverages such as maragaritas, tequila shots and wine."
You mean, you used to NOT sell alcoholic beverages such as margaritas, tequila shots, and wine?
Look at it this way. After you have a colonic, your tummy will be SO flat, your skin is clearer, you feel SO good. If you can handle a pap smear, you';ll do better with a colonic. It's not painful at all.
Dudes, thanks for the google praise but I don't have to google shit when I know how to go straight there.
I like colonics, you do feel a lot lighter and leaner afterward. I do them before long hiking/climbing trips in the summer.
Except sometimes it can be disconcerting to see the little critters waving as they go by in the tube. Hi, Choriso & Eggs! Goodbye, Mister Jimmy Dean! Come bac to the Five & Dime real soon.
Of course, only after you've been reincarnated as non fecal matter.
That reminds me about how I've never understood hetero ummm...backdoor lovin. I mean, whatever dude. We can engage in all of that you want just as soon as you let me insert a lightly greased medium sized cucumber-squash into *your* special "exit only" area.
LMAO!! AmandaB!! I agree with you on the back door lovin.... yeah, OK, honey... you first!
GirlA - I'd get a colonic, if it weren't for where they stick that clear garden hose. *pucker*
closet metro said at 11:37AM, 01.05.2005:
AmandaB -
“We can engage in all of that…â€
Did you just proposition the whole internet?
Closet Metro: After reading all these posts, THAT is the one that made me laugh out loud.
(there is probably someone in our IT department right now wondering why in the hell i'm clicking on colon cleansing ads... heh, or not wondering... what do I know?)
So my mom was telling me about how my dad had to get an enema, well 2 actually, because of some kidney stones or what not. Hell he is like 60 he gets his as spoked all the time, *But* he totally like lied to her like he only had to get HALF of one.
Needless to say she made him administer two full ones.
Aren't you glad you know that now.
Okay, up here at good ol reception someone asked for a man with the last name "Ng," which I guess NO ONE knows how to pronounce. He said it like "UNNNGH" and it sounded like he was trying to do a Red Iguana himself.
Closet -- okay, you got me. There is nothing whispery about my ass. In fact, my husband has often accused me of having a trumpet hidden. . .well, *you know where*
I must state for the record that using a "colon cleanser" and doing an enema are different than a colonic. The colonic cleanses the poo-dookie off of the walls of your colon. The enema and pills/supplements, just get out some extra poo.
Any one want some fudge?
01.05.05 - 11:53 AM
169. Lisa said:
I love it that the pharmacist knows my name. I had to go to the pharmacy three times in 45 minutes one day because I forgot one prescription, then one wasn't refillable and the doctor had to call it in, and the other one, well, I forget what happened but I was back within minutes. Now I go to the pharmacy and ask, "didja miss me?" and the nice ones laugh. The ones who weren't in on it that evening just think I'm nuts, which my prescriptions confirm. :)
01.05.05 - 11:54 AM
170. gag said:
Bucky Four-Eyes, did you read the WHOLE page on that link??? I'm gonna be sick:
"Another lady wrote Herbal Fiberblend caused her to pass polyps, two pulsating masses, and a gallon of black fecal matter with worms."
Bucky Four-Eyes, did you read the WHOLE page on that link??? I’m gonna be sick:
“Another lady wrote Herbal Fiberblend caused her to pass polyps, two pulsating masses, and a gallon of black fecal matter with worms.â€
OMG I think I am going to barf a gallon of puke.
01.05.05 - 12:07 PM
177. gag said:
For some reason the phrase "with worms" reminds me of the phrase "of France?"
Don't forget to go vote for Heathers blog (big name blog category). I also forgot to mention that 3hive (music site created by Jon and friends) is also up for an award under the music blog section. Hurry, cast your vote, the world needs you to vote.
Sometimes you just have to wonder what the people who name places with a tagline of "The Killer Mexican Food" were smoking when they thought that would be a good idea.
01.05.05 - 12:26 PM
181. Kahli said:
Seriously you guys:
Best food in the whole world. Best.
We had our engagement dinner there, our "rehearsal dinner" there, every birthday.
Oh my god, it is to die for. If you are ever in SLC, please go give this family your business. Best mole ever, ever. Los Lobos go there everytime they play in SLC, it is unbeleivably wonderful.
If you Hand-le your Iguanna too much it will get red!
Friction Burn!
01.05.05 - 12:47 PM
184. rutabaga said:
Aside from prepping the bowel for various medical procedures, there is no real reason for anyone to do "colon cleansing." I know that this probably isn't a serious discussion here, but just in case there is any seriousness, I had to interject this. If you are a relatively healthy human being - and in most cases, even if you aren't - you do not store loads of garbage, etc, within your bowel. Expelling polyps and pulsating masses? Sounds titillatingly disgusting, to be sure, but it's a bunch of malarkey.
That's not true. The colon is one of the most abused organs of the body. Deposits build up, heavy metals and parasites and haven't you ever heard of mucoid plaque? I fast and do a good colon cleanse twice a year and if you saw the stuff that I see you would malarkey your ass right out of my bathroom.
that picture isn't that great.
i don't know why all you dooce freaks get so excited about pictures. eh?
01.05.05 - 01:22 PM
192. sam said:
butt face - Don't be a hayta. Now, I know it's not easy to keep up with all of the hilarity in here, but that doesn't mean you have to post nasty comments, now does it? Go stand in the corner until you're ready to apologize.
01.05.05 - 01:30 PM
193. rutabaga said:
I beg to differ, Mrs. George 2. Parasites? From where? Of what species? Intestinal parasites are thankfully rare in N. America. Of course, perhaps you aren't in N. America; if that's the case, my apologies. Heavy metals? On your colon walls? Washed away by some magical potion? I'm afraid not. I'm not familiar with the term "mucoid plaque," but I'm not really surprised, as that isn't really a medical term.
I'm sure you see interesting things upon your colon cleansing; however, I stand by my original posting.
mucoid plaque is a term coined by a physician and although it is hotly debated in the medical profession, there is no other clinical explanation for that substance. Parasites are actually more common than you'd think and can come from the water, the air, the food or your pets. i also do a liver flush while i'm fasting and the combination of the two move along the heavy metals. you can stand by your post, that's ok, but unless you've tried it for yourself don't assume that there's nothing in your intestines that needs to come out.
01.05.05 - 01:46 PM
197. butt face said:
sam-
actually it is pretty easy to keep up with the "hilarity" in here because it really isn't that funny. the people who obsess over dooce's mediocre photographs bug the shit out of me. you need to get something better to do. and yeah i probably need to get something better to do to, because reading your comments is grating on my nerves.
Yes, you were right about Fever's web page. After today's entry he should be nominated!!
like I said, welcome to the world of not seeing the back of your bathroom door for the next 13 years.
01.05.05 - 01:50 PM
199. butt face said:
mrs. george #2.
have you ever noticed that when you "flush" the parasites out of your colon that you end up doing it again a few monthes later? those parasites are always going to be there so maybe they're not that bad...??
maybe YOUR'S aren't that bad. I've only done the parasite flush once and haven't felt the need to do it since. I'm also unsure about how long a few monthes is.
01.05.05 - 01:53 PM
201. sam said:
It is too hilarious in here...sniff, sniff...
01.05.05 - 01:56 PM
202. butt face said:
all i'm saying is that if you flush them out once, they are gonna come back in something else you eat or breath or drink or whatever. it's fruitless.
eh. i guess it's just that i think i'm better than everyone here. and now you're gonna say something like "well then WHY DO YOU KEEP POSTING MEAN COMMENTS YOU JERK!?"
and then i'll answer "um. because i can. and i will."
and for the record, I never GAVE anyone advice. I was just offering my personal testimony. So if you're going to refute the advice of a Texan go talk to your president.
Just ignore the asswipe, Mrs. George. Some people think common sense is useful all the time. Sometimes it just means lowest common denominator.
01.05.05 - 02:13 PM
216. butt face said:
yeah. don't worry about it mrs george. i was just wanted to get your goat. i also wanted to get sam's goat. and then some other people got pissed too!
yea!
I keep a mini in my desk drawer. That way my shit doesn't stink thank you very much.
01.05.05 - 02:48 PM
227. Zach said:
Finally! Enough talk about kids and cute a cuddly stuff, it's time to talk about SEX! God damnit this is the internet, it's sole creation was for the proliferation of SEX!
New topic: I was once with a girl that comed in 20 second and then every 20 seconds until the deed was complete. By coincidence, she was the happiest person I've ever fucking met.
I don't get google ads.
She WRITES ABOUT POOP and I see an ad for ivory jewelery.
I don't know if I should be creeped out or what. I'm sure Girl A will google some jewelery made of shit ;)
One last thing...I have been looking at the masthead for a couple of days and (don't get mad) I don't think I like it. I mean, I like everything but the woman in a skirt, hands on her hips...it doesn't feel doocey.
Someone..anyone..read too much into the masthead woman and change my mind about it.
Zach that woman was a goddamn LIE. Maybe your ego felt warm and fuzzy when she pretended to come so much, but your juggernaught must have known better. Please tell me he knew better.
juggernaut? That's better. And before Alex the Spelling/Syntax/Grammar cop exerts his wrath upon us all, when did "comed" become(d) a word?
01.05.05 - 03:00 PM
237. Zach said:
MG2, I hear what your saying really I do. It wasn't an inflation to my ego because have the time my ego was saying "oh shit, this can't be right". But I tell you, it wasn't just the one or two times, it was every time (of the 15 or so times we had sex). I'm just saying it happened... not that she wasn't possibly delusional... just that, it happened.
That has got to be the most insightful and shockingly hilarious post about poop I've ever read (actually, it's the only one I've really read on your site per se). God! I'm in tears it was so funny! Hahah!
There's WAY too much info on this site but scroll down to the often duplicated: What Happens When I'm At WORK and I have to Poop?
01.05.05 - 03:11 PM
241. Yoohooligan said:
I'm not sure *striving* for the 20-second orgasm is a Good Idea, but if you're gonna take this up as a bar bet, try this:
1. Keep your hands out of your cooter for a couple of days. Maybe 3. If you can stand it.
2. Use the 3-day moratorium to acquire a Hitachi Magic Wand and a stopwatch.
Trust me, you won't need to aim much, but you'll need both hands. It's the sawed-off shotgun of vibrators.
Ain't science grand?
01.05.05 - 03:13 PM
242. Zach said:
Mg2, there's a difference between her having a lot of orgasm and ME having a lot of orgasm. Orgasmically talented doesn't necessarily correlate with great in bed.
On my lunch break earlier I passed some construction. But the road sign, instead of reading "Construction" with an arrow pointing ahead/up, read "Obstruction." With an ARROW pointing UP.
And I thought of us poo-talkers on dooce comments, and the blessed constipation confessions that lead to it all ...
This will probably have someone knowing who I am and where I work but IF YOU DO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
There is a "pooper" in my company.
A person who lays logs in the middle of the 50 dollar per square foot carpets of our reception areas. Every few months he or she lays another log on the fire. They haven't been able to catch the person on tape. This has been going on for 6 years and it ISN'T ME.
Even though I have more than once pooped for the purposes of retribution.
Did you know that in England the public toilets have a little slot that goes across when you lock the cubicle door, so you can tell if it's 'free' or 'engaged' from the outside? NO big gaps down the sides! Anyway, after I poop at work, I slide the lock across to 'Engaged' and close the door carefully - in hopes that the next poor fool will skip my stinky cubicle for the next.
1. Julia said:
Yummy!
2. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
But what a way to die. . .
3. RazDreams said:
Good morning!!!
4. joy said:
And THAT would explain all the farting in the Armstrong household. *grin*
5. red said:
killer, dude.
6. Crazy Jane said:
Ooh! Scary!
7. Cheryl said:
Well if that doesn't make you poop I don't know what will... it's like a colon cleansing for free, for me anyway!!
8. jules said:
I dont' think it's the food that's the killer.. it think it's probably the trip to the bathroom afterwards that does the deed
9. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
I've got your big red iguana right here.
10. Em said:
Eeek. I always say: stay away from red iguanas.
(well, no, I don't - but it seems like a good policy, right?)
11. RazDreams said:
http://rediguana.citysearch.com/
Sounds painful...
12. the niffer said:
Just looking at that sign makes my bowels move.
13. Jen said:
Yeah, that almost makes my mouth salivate and my intestines churn.
14. sporty said:
I think my ring sting got that much worse.
15. Wicked H said:
I agree, good place to visit when you don't want to go the laxative route.....
16. mrs. george #2 said:
RING STING? Oh my god I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
17. Colleen from NJ said:
there's a killer on the road
his brain is squirming like an iguana...
mmmm.... No. Sorry, Jim Morrison.
18. becky said:
it's not the going in that gets ya, it's the coming out. yeowch!
19. Sandy said:
I'm the first to say I'm first!
20. Erin said:
RING STING?! What a great day to start the day!
21. Jazzy said:
Is it killer going in or coming out?
22. Jess from B-lo said:
Spicy on the way in, spicier on the way out.
23. NotFirst said:
How many colon-related google ads are there on this site?
24. Melanie S said:
Shit!
Literally!
You might want to consider purchasing a Snoopy Snowcone Maker before you eat there. That way you can get rid of the ring sting after you blow your colon out!
25. Zach said:
Top 20, great pic.
26. BerryGirl said:
Scary- I am in Texas and there are TONS of Mexican Food restaurants here- but I have to say that is quite an advertisement right there.
27. Kieran said:
AWWW man that stuff gives me the Shiitz. Everytime I head to Taco Bell - 2 hours later I get the UT OH's and have to run to the bathroom to let the fertilizer out
28. Southern girl said:
I am the most impatient person ever - I stalk this website until she changes the picture and posts new stuff. I need hobbies.
29. LadyBug said:
I saw the thumbnail and thought it was Zing Zing What's-His-Name Boohbah Dude again. But...Killer Mexican food may be almost as scary!
30. krissy pants said:
Ouch! My ass hurts just reading that.
Dooce - Is the killer mexican food the new remedy for the constipation?
31. Charmaine said:
That will help clear out anyone's post-holiday system for sure! Cool shot.
Kieran: My boyfriend calls Taco Bell, Taco Hell -- rightfully so!
32. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
It may not be a picture of a Boobah, but I bet one meal will make your poor ass go Zing Zing Zingbah!
33. Fish said:
Ah, retro Dooce photography (missing that streaking effect you used to employ, though). What's that line from the Simon & Garfunkel song?
"And the people bowed and prayed
to the neon god they made
and the sign flashed out its warning
in the words that it was forming: WARNING. KILLER MEXICAN FOOD."
From the neon god to the porcelain god, here's to you heather.
34. sporty said:
More like a way to keep me all night. Someone pass the soft serve.
35. Kimberley_H said:
I recently went for Thai food and thought, "hey, dried chili's can't be that bad right?" Wrong. Seeing your sign, even though it's Mexican, makes my rectum shudder with fear.
36. patti said:
Fish's comments get me every time. I totally want to eat there. Mail me some leftovers?
37. Kerry said:
I love this photo!
But I have a question for commenters: I don't get why Mexican food has such a reputation for making people shit. It doesn't make me shit anymore than any other cuisine (Taco Bell is excluded from this. Even though it is tasty, it is not Mexican Food).
Anyway, I imagine that Mexican Food would make me shit more if I, say, ate it in Mexico, and washed it down with some nice Mexican tap water. Otherwise, I feel like all this poo-gossip is slander.
Is it because beans cause gas? Did that fact somehow get transformed over time into Mexican food causes poo?
This is not a rhetorical question. I really want to know.
38. Gale said:
Does Google serve up colon-related ads because of the photo or the general tenor of the blog?
39. shellibells said:
Suddenly I am having flashbacks of serious heartburn that keeps me up all night along with NO PROBLEM POOPIN!!
40. WindyLou said:
Temptress!You make me want to move back to Salt Lake!
41. The Other Monkey said:
Bad news, Dooce.
The google ad tells us that
"Death Begins in the Colon"
42. TracyDee said:
Do you mean you have MEXICANS in Utah? It's not the arayan state? :)
PS... at the pharmacy where I refill my meds 2x a month... it's always, Mrs. Rios your Lexapro is ready... Mrs. Rios are you here for your Wellbutrion? So much for confidentiality :)
43. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Kerry (#37), you must have iron intestines if you have to ask! :)
For me, the combination of hot sauce, jalapenos, onions, beans, and whatever secret ingredients are contained therein make for a dash to the bathroom as soon as we get back to the office from Mexican lunch.
44. Badger said:
Dude, NEVER eat at a restaurant that mentions death in its tagline. That's just asking for trouble.
45. DM said:
Fish, you kill me. That's great. Now that song will be stuck in my head all day, which is a welcome change from the milkshake song.
I am torn from wanting to rush to Utah to eat at this restaurant or stick with Don Pablo's. Damn, I so want a chimichanga now.
46. closet metro said:
Did that make anyone else's sphincter clench up extra tight? Just me?
Thanks Sporty for adding "ring sting" to my vocabulary.
47. gardens grey said:
Yum!
48. Moxie said:
Is it me or does the sign look like there's a person bent over with their ass aflame?
49. Circus Kelli said:
Hmmm. I wonder if the iguanas are red when they serve them on their own, or if the red sauce is the reason they call them red iguanas...
50. Circus Kelli said:
"Red Iguanas; The Killer Mexican Food" -- sounds like one of those old Japanese horror flicks to me... like Godzilla vs. Mothra, ya know?
51. Mir said:
Just wanted to point out that one of the Google ads says:
Are You Clean Inside?
"Death begins in the colon." Why is colon cleansing so vital?
I hope a future Dooce banner will proclaim that death begins in the colon. ;)
52. Library Girl said:
Um, is it just me or is his ass on fire???
53. Sissychong said:
Hey, today is de-lurking day! That means anyone lurking (reading) a site should comment, so all you lurkers out there say hello!
54. August95 said:
I feel it hot hot hot!!
55. pismire said:
That's a great photo. The vibrancy of the colors alone causes thoughts of gut-wrenching pain and hours on the toilet trembling from exhaustion.
56. Michelle said:
So proud of y'all to resist all the first talk - it's a refreshing change. As a lurker, I guess i shouldn't complain, but JEEZ LOUISE - it's as painfully annoying as a ring sting. And as to the photo - killer composition and do you endorse this one personally? joining the likes of Cypress Hill, House of Pain, Luke Skywalker?? not Mark What's His Name - oh, I get it now...
57. Melissa R. said:
My guts are boiling just looking at that picture. Yum.
58. Girl.A said:
Personally, my ass hurt a LOT more looking at the Zingbah. But that's just my ass. Ring aZING-ZING.
It kinda throbs a little thnking about death by intestinal molting. As in the Killer Red Lizard and His Jalapeno Hammer
59. KellyH said:
I've had killer Mexican food, in Mexico. No es bueno, amiga.
When in Zihuatanejo, do NOT eat in any restaurants on the bay!
60. Kristine said:
She is taunting us with the 80's words now.
I will resist.
61. The Mighty Jimbo said:
if that won't cure constipation, nothing will.
62. tiffany said:
Ohhhh killer mexican food - that is just too cool.
Heather, do you mind if I plug my tiny little tsunami blogaid effort? I'm selling prints and donating the proceeds...
http://www.electricboogaloo.net/tsunami.htm
I'm not expecting a huge response but it sucks to feel helpless and every little bit helps, right?
63. Scott said:
Ahhhh, sweet Montezumas(sp?) Revenge.
Eating Mexican food certainly does invoke the Incan God of Colon Blow, Techyoumapoopsa. He was a harsh god and those devoted to his service were most assuredly celebate. The villagers quickly tired of him and his steaming sacrifices and he was replaced with Zumaspankame, the god of fun time spanking.
64. domino said:
never mind the bowel thing - I've got heartburn first!
65. Jenn said:
my ass is on fire just reading that!! You support in relief efforts warms my heart heather. Thank you for posting blog aid I will be signing up to help support!
Jenn
66. closet metro said:
Scott -
I got visited by "Techyoumapoopsa" on my damn honeymoon. Yes, I spent about three days being "assuredly celebate."
67. Kristine said:
Someone asked yesterday about the google-ads on dooce. Does just clicking them and going to the site make money or is it more complicated than that?
I never saw an answer...and I am clueless (You all already knew that though)
68. Girl.A said:
Scott,
you don't have to be celebate!
"Eproctophilia —"Beans! Beans! The magical fruit! The more you eat, the more you…" This person is horny whenever farting is involved. An ideal date might begin at Taco Bell, or perhaps with cabbage, beans, and a Farrelly Brothers movie."
http://www.eros-guide.com/articles/2002-12-10/paraphilias/
69. Kimi said:
Isn't there a "I'm on a Mexican radio" song that says something about iguanas?
Yuck.
70. closet metro said:
Kristine - just click on the links, that's it.
71. Kristine said:
I read the ad's by google thing.
All you have to do is click on the ads that we find so funny. Just click and then your done. You've done your part.
Yay.
72. Scott said:
Girl A - I bet there are a lot of German video makers that suffer from that. Alas, I'll always be celebate thanks to that goldfish accident back in 92'. Who would have though Koi could be so viscious?
73. Kristine said:
Metro- Thanks :) I actually read something other than a blog for a few minutes and got the info.
See there is hope for me yet ;)
74. JulieT said:
Oh Man. Having eaten bad Mexican food in the past I would never go near this place. El agua no es purificado.
When I looked a the thumbnail I thought for a minute that it was another Zing Zing Zingbah picture and I actually had an involuntary hesitation to clicking on it.
Good morning Dooce!
75. JulieT said:
By the way Scott, you DID spell "Montezuma" correctly. But don't worry... when you have it, you don't really give a shit how to spell it.
76. Stephanie said:
Yum! Sounds good to me.
77. Scott said:
The lovely JulieT - Actually you give a lot of shit, but not about spelling. What a way to start the day. Doo doo talk.
Something tells me Fish, Metro and Girl A can turn this mutha out even more too. I really don't want to end up sucking my thumb curled in the fetal position again.
78. LT said:
Would you please pass the jelly?
79. Fish said:
*looking up from his list of dirty red iguana jokes*
Wha? Oh, Scott, I'll be with you in a minute.
80. George Lover said:
Just clicked on one of the Google ads and found out that Elvis had a toxic colon. who knew?
81. Eliza said:
I LOVE the Red Iguana but refuse to eat there after dark ... the parking lot is too scary for little me. Seriously, I may have to go there for lunch today, just for the salsa. Yummy!
82. Girl.A said:
Jalapeno Jelly?
Why, here you go, LT.
Sorry to be a smart ass.
http://www.houseofdesade.org/humour/sas.htm
83. LadyBug said:
Hey, I'm all for clicking on the ads to help support BlogAid...and for clicking on them at other times, just to help support the Blurbodoocery. But I think, maybe, I should start clicking with eyes wide shut. I just don't think I'll be able to burn the words "impacted fecal matter" from my memory any time soon.
84. Jaclyn said:
Mexican food is the best. Well, Tex-Mex is anyway.
I find all the comments on rushing to the bathroom everytime right after eating Mexican food rather funny. Maybe all you northerners just aren't built for it. ;)
85. Amanda B. said:
Do not provoke my Girl A. She will *google* it, and you do not want to go there. Well maybe you do, but ohhhhh I don't.
I love the "thinking" entry for today. The best is when you call your pharmacy for a refill, and they say "which one" and you're like...well, could you go over the menu for me?"
86. Kathleen said:
Wow...if Dooce, Oingo Boingo, X and House of Pain frequent this place...you know it has to be good. I'm so there!
:)
87. closet metro said:
I'm just confused as to what the hell would happen to your iguana to make it red? I can see killer mexican food giving you red ring, but a red iguana, too?
88. jules said:
speeling!? wee dohn't need no steeenking speeling!
(:3
89. JulieT said:
I wonder if that dude at the pharmacy reads this site. What a dick. Perhaps they don't teach "sensitivity" in pharmacy school!
90. Shiz said:
So does the iguana look oddly sensual to ANYONE else?
91. Maria said:
I just realized that Leta and I are born on the same day!! Yay! I've only ever met 2 other Feb 3rd babies in my life. Well, Leta, You were born on a wonderful day under a great sign and I know you will give your mommy lots of joy! Happy 11 months!
92. Laura the Lurker said:
As my Nana never said:
If it burns going in, it'll burn coming out!
And to answer Kerry's non-rhetorical question: It's not Mexican food so much as the Mexican beans that get to me!
93. BEACHGAL said:
I like the picture!! I can't handle mexican food, or anything really spicy....just can't do it. Bravo to those of you who can.
94. Laura said:
I'm normally just a lurker on this and Jon's site and I keep wanting to post a comment but I can never come up with anything witty enough. Today I thought I had it. I was going to mention the colon cleansing ad and how interesting it is that it's under a picture of the best way to cleanse your colon that I've heard of. But, a bunch of people beat me too it. Oh well. Maybe next time.
By the way, I love the site and Leta is absolutely perfect. Anyone who says so is just jealous. :p
95. Valerie said:
Is it coincidence that it is Mexican Killer food and the Google ad is for colon cleansing?
96. Mrs.Stray said:
Didn't Elvis die on the shitter while eating a foot long sub?
My baby is 3 feet away taking a crao right now, it STINKS! I wonder how clean her colon is.
So I click on the ad, I wish I hadn't clicked to enlarge. But the testimony these women give, with thier photos no less, is GROSS!
"Lori" is all like yeah I gave birth to these eggs and squid things out my ass. Who knew. WTF!!!!
97. Shiz said:
... or does Boobah come foraged from the fires of this hell?
98. Gooooder said:
Is Red Iguana in Utah?
Looks HOT.
99. Mrs.Stray said:
Ok I totally want some chinese food now. I made some slammin' ass quesadillas last night.
100. Mrs.Stray said:
Ok I clicked the other ad.....How big is my colon that it has 20 pounds of shit in it that needs to be liquified and flushed? I am only 26....does that mean I have a mere 5 lbs of compacted feces?? I am so never clicking again until tomorrow.
101. Melanie S said:
I understand that completely!
When I go to the pharmacy they ask me "how many do you need and of which one"? Most of them are for migraines, but it's still sad.
102. krissy pants said:
I think my favorite part of Dooce's daily pictures is how she creatively crops them into thumbnails on the mainpage.
Earlier someone mentioned that they thought this was the whack-a-dilly Boobah thing again...so did I.
103. Gooooder said:
I said it before and I will say it again, Boobah is scary like the Ferbie. Although less hard.
104. Amanda B. said:
Mrs. Stray! You speak poopy of the King! I am shocked and dismayed!
105. laurabelle said:
I had no idea that death began in the colon. Thanks google ads!
106. The other Paula said:
I actually went and read the testimonials on the colonic ad during my lunch, now I cant even look at my nice turkey wrap and Im a little green around the gills. Gross. Why did I read it? WHY????
Oh and while at the pharmacy once, the pharmacists assistant actually had the nerve to say "Back again are we"? to me. Kinda rude ya think? My sister was with me, and told me I should have answered with "Yeah, the crabs are out of control, I needed something stronger". That would have shut her up.
107. Girl From Ipanema said:
That photo just made my ass twitch.
Word.
108. Julia Rose said:
Oh my God! I grew up in Utah and my family would treck to the Red Iguana for the best chicken mole in the area. Thanks for the memory.
109. Julie said:
Don't worry about the pharmacist. It happens to me all the time too. I have really bad migraines - 3 or so a week - and am on 4 meds for that. Also got postpartum depression. Then anxiety. Plus have no immune system at all so I'm always getting sick from the mutant germs the baby brings home from the daycare center.
Not to mention that our baby has monster acid reflux and she is on three meds herself.
ALL the people at our pharmacy know us by name. Sometimes I make my husband go just because I'm so embarrassed to go pick up my meds YET AGAIN. Another time I transferred all my meds to another pharmacy...but it was too far to drive so I just switched them back and walk in there in shame everytime. I try to buy diapers or formula or something to make it look like I'm not just a pill freak. You know...like buying a thing of shampoo and a magazine with the home pregnancy test or the condoms!!!!
You're not alone...
110. Sherri said:
That iguana looks like he's wearing some drop-seat jammies, which seem to have caught on fire.
I thought jammies were supposed to be fire-retardant.
There is no good Mexican or Tex-Mex food to be had in all of NYC. *sniff*
111. Gooooder said:
Maybe the pharmacists are just angry because they will lose their jobs and go to jail for a while if they try to skim off any of the tasty medications.
Not that all of them do that or even think about it. But, heh.
112. Carol said:
GirlA - I love how a sadist's website has all kind of ways to inflict pain, while at the bottom has an ad to stop smoking. Mwwuahahah!
As for red iguanas, my experience has been mostly purple-ish. I love mexican food - going to get some now. Mmmmm... hot boiling cheese with little green thingies in it. I need a colonic, like, NOW!
113. Gooooder said:
hot peppers on a burrito is like an instant colonic.
for real!
114. mrs. george #2 said:
do you, carol? because i could help you with that.
115. Carol said:
MG2 - you could?
116. Melanie S said:
Colonics aren't as bad as you would think. I get them to help with the prevention of migraines and kidney stones. God, what the fuck? I'm 28 and I get sick like I'm an old bastard!
117. Shiz said:
Ewwwwwwwww ... more colon talk.
118. Shiz said:
I mean GREAT! Let's talk about the colon!
Seriously, I read so many mixed reports about colon cleansing. Some say do, some say don't. The do makes a bit more sense to me now, but heck, why don't I ask my doctor?
119. pixie said:
Just don't confuse the red iguana with the blue iguana (and I'm talking food establishments here). Red is much better than blue! Mmmm....smothered burrito....
120. Amanda B. said:
I look at colon cleansing like I do gerbils. "Hey you, stay out of my ass!"
121. moose said:
A. Best thumbnail ever.
B. Seeing the other photo just shows how good Heather's photos really are...
http://rediguana.citysearch.com/
...as if we didn't know that already.
C. I think GirlA has a *special* google touch.
122. victoria said:
So, I entered that CitySearch html, and learned that the Red Iguana is informing its customers, "We now sell alcoholic beverages such as maragaritas, tequila shots and wine."
You mean, you used to NOT sell alcoholic beverages such as margaritas, tequila shots, and wine?
123. Fish said:
Oh, sure, Amanda, you won't let gerbils in there, but you'll stick your finger into every else's!
*fish backs up against the wall to protect himself from pooka*
124. krissy pants said:
Did anyone else check out the Elk Ivory Jewelry? Beauuuuu ti ful!
125. Leon said:
I've never eaten Red Iguana.
Does it taste like chicken?
126. closet metro said:
Fish - my thoughts exactly.
*Metro brandishes a gerbil and backs up against the wall to protect him from the Ring Sting of Pooka*
127. Beth said:
Now that'll clear ya out. Screw the whole taint pressing issue - eat some killer Mexican food!
128. Leon said:
...and more importantly, just how many dishes can you make out of Red Iguana anyway?
Must be a really short menu.
129. Melanie S said:
Look at it this way. After you have a colonic, your tummy will be SO flat, your skin is clearer, you feel SO good. If you can handle a pap smear, you';ll do better with a colonic. It's not painful at all.
Poop talk rocks the camel's ass!
130. Amanda B. said:
*Amanda kneads hands...plotting sneak attack against Metro and Fish*
131. Girl.A said:
Dudes, thanks for the google praise but I don't have to google shit when I know how to go straight there.
I like colonics, you do feel a lot lighter and leaner afterward. I do them before long hiking/climbing trips in the summer.
Except sometimes it can be disconcerting to see the little critters waving as they go by in the tube. Hi, Choriso & Eggs! Goodbye, Mister Jimmy Dean! Come bac to the Five & Dime real soon.
Of course, only after you've been reincarnated as non fecal matter.
132. Amanda B. said:
Girl A.- i doubted your skillz and i am sorry.
That reminds me about how I've never understood hetero ummm...backdoor lovin. I mean, whatever dude. We can engage in all of that you want just as soon as you let me insert a lightly greased medium sized cucumber-squash into *your* special "exit only" area.
Hrmph.
133. Fish said:
Cucumber squash? I thought we were talking about purple iguanas.
134. Amanda B. said:
Well, that would work too.
135. closet metro said:
AmandaB -
"We can engage in all of that..."
Did you just proposition the whole internet?
136. Carol said:
LMAO!! AmandaB!! I agree with you on the back door lovin.... yeah, OK, honey... you first!
GirlA - I'd get a colonic, if it weren't for where they stick that clear garden hose. *pucker*
137. Mrs.Stray said:
These comments have successfully gone from red lizards to anal sex.
138. Carol said:
Key word being "successfully"
139. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Doesn't everything here eventually come back to the ass?
Uh, not that there's anything *wrong* with that. . .
Willing Ass-Talk Participant
140. Circus Kelli said:
closet metro said at 11:37AM, 01.05.2005:
AmandaB -
“We can engage in all of that…â€
Did you just proposition the whole internet?
Closet Metro: After reading all these posts, THAT is the one that made me laugh out loud.
(there is probably someone in our IT department right now wondering why in the hell i'm clicking on colon cleansing ads... heh, or not wondering... what do I know?)
141. closet metro said:
Bucky, you were Ass-Talking four hours ago. You're so patient!
142. krissy pants said:
Wait...we're talking out of our asses now?
143. Circus Kelli said:
krissy pants: what do you mean NOW?
144. Girl.A said:
pfffffffffffffft.
145. closet metro said:
Circus - Ya got me back. Gigglefest in metroland.
146. Circus Kelli said:
Girl.A: did you just fart?
Was it the iguana you had for lunch?
147. Amanda B. said:
Well it was sort of a collective "we". But no, because I'm sure there are many out there who would be into the cucumber-squash idea.
Only my husband gets that treatment.
148. krissy pants said:
lucky man
149. Mrs.Stray said:
So my mom was telling me about how my dad had to get an enema, well 2 actually, because of some kidney stones or what not. Hell he is like 60 he gets his as spoked all the time, *But* he totally like lied to her like he only had to get HALF of one.
Needless to say she made him administer two full ones.
Aren't you glad you know that now.
150. Shiz said:
Okay, up here at good ol reception someone asked for a man with the last name "Ng," which I guess NO ONE knows how to pronounce. He said it like "UNNNGH" and it sounded like he was trying to do a Red Iguana himself.
151. Graygirl said:
Please people.....not before lunch! I wa-a-a-as hungry until all of this colon/poop talk. Think I'll just go shopping now!
152. Girl.A said:
I HATE it when it comes out looking like a red iguana. So pettable. So not pettable.
153. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Girl.A, is "petting the iguana" a euphemism of some sort?
154. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Hey, some people are horse whisperers. I'm an ass whisperer.
155. closet metro said:
Bucky - my ass shouts.
156. Gooooder said:
ass whisperer, aint right.
157. Circus Kelli said:
Closet: Sounds like a personal problem.
158. Fran said:
Poop!!!!!
159. moose said:
I think Fran just summed this up rather nicely. Thank you, Fran.
160. a reader said:
Thank you so much for using your site to help the tsumani victims. Every little bit helps and this is going to go on for a long time.
161. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
The whole colon-cleansing links thing has sent me on an unholy quest today, where I find pro-colon-irrigation statements like:
"Using an enema is like trying to wash your car with one glass of water. You'll run out of water before you finish."
source: http://www.juicing.com/colon1.htm
162. Cristin said:
*ick*
163. Girl.A said:
* L-ick *
I like this game!
Electric Company
164. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Closet -- okay, you got me. There is nothing whispery about my ass. In fact, my husband has often accused me of having a trumpet hidden. . .well, *you know where*
165. Mrs.Stray said:
How much water is required?
Didn't Ms. Monroe die during a drug induced enema?
Ok, that made *me* giggle.
166. IT Department said:
We see where you're clicking. And we're telling your managers. All of you get back to work.
167. Amanda B. said:
What if you are your manager. Do I get to spank myself?!
168. Melanie S said:
I must state for the record that using a "colon cleanser" and doing an enema are different than a colonic. The colonic cleanses the poo-dookie off of the walls of your colon. The enema and pills/supplements, just get out some extra poo.
Any one want some fudge?
169. Lisa said:
I love it that the pharmacist knows my name. I had to go to the pharmacy three times in 45 minutes one day because I forgot one prescription, then one wasn't refillable and the doctor had to call it in, and the other one, well, I forget what happened but I was back within minutes. Now I go to the pharmacy and ask, "didja miss me?" and the nice ones laugh. The ones who weren't in on it that evening just think I'm nuts, which my prescriptions confirm. :)
170. gag said:
Bucky Four-Eyes, did you read the WHOLE page on that link??? I'm gonna be sick:
"Another lady wrote Herbal Fiberblend caused her to pass polyps, two pulsating masses, and a gallon of black fecal matter with worms."
171. Girl.A said:
Mine is a kazoo. Not a lot of range and definition.
172. IT Department said:
If you are your own manager, then yes, go spank yourself! :)
173. Fish said:
Wow. Compared to the normal softcore poop conversation here, this is hardcore. I think Melanie taught me something today.
174. moose said:
Girl.A, does it sing upon arrival?
175. Colleen from NJ said:
I need to find a Batman car that may be hidden up and away. Where's that Fed Ex man with my dose of Colon Blow, damnit?
176. Mrs.Stray said:
gag said at 12:55PM, 01.05.2005:
Bucky Four-Eyes, did you read the WHOLE page on that link??? I’m gonna be sick:
“Another lady wrote Herbal Fiberblend caused her to pass polyps, two pulsating masses, and a gallon of black fecal matter with worms.â€
OMG I think I am going to barf a gallon of puke.
177. gag said:
For some reason the phrase "with worms" reminds me of the phrase "of France?"
With Worms!
178. GEORGE! said:
Don't forget to go vote for Heathers blog (big name blog category). I also forgot to mention that 3hive (music site created by Jon and friends) is also up for an award under the music blog section. Hurry, cast your vote, the world needs you to vote.
http://www.blogmechanics.com/bob/
YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!
179. jules said:
you mean, of france!!!!
180. Devon said:
Sometimes you just have to wonder what the people who name places with a tagline of "The Killer Mexican Food" were smoking when they thought that would be a good idea.
181. Kahli said:
Seriously you guys:
Best food in the whole world. Best.
We had our engagement dinner there, our "rehearsal dinner" there, every birthday.
Oh my god, it is to die for. If you are ever in SLC, please go give this family your business. Best mole ever, ever. Los Lobos go there everytime they play in SLC, it is unbeleivably wonderful.
Yummmm.
182. Miss Kimberley said:
I am seriously SO HOT now that I know GEORGE! has his own blog. Rooowwrr!
183. Sissychong said:
Closet Metro
If you Hand-le your Iguanna too much it will get red!
Friction Burn!
184. rutabaga said:
Aside from prepping the bowel for various medical procedures, there is no real reason for anyone to do "colon cleansing." I know that this probably isn't a serious discussion here, but just in case there is any seriousness, I had to interject this. If you are a relatively healthy human being - and in most cases, even if you aren't - you do not store loads of garbage, etc, within your bowel. Expelling polyps and pulsating masses? Sounds titillatingly disgusting, to be sure, but it's a bunch of malarkey.
Ok, that's enough out of me.
185. JadedLady said:
Oh how I love this restaraunt ... too bad Elvis's head is no longer in the toilet!
186. Kristine said:
Like I said yesterday, The blog award page has an award for best daddy blog and Fish, Metro and Blurb are NOT on that list.
How are we take the blog award seriously if the three best dads online were not even nominated!?
Yes, i voted.
187. mrs. george #2 said:
That's not true. The colon is one of the most abused organs of the body. Deposits build up, heavy metals and parasites and haven't you ever heard of mucoid plaque? I fast and do a good colon cleanse twice a year and if you saw the stuff that I see you would malarkey your ass right out of my bathroom.
188. Mrs.Stray said:
I think Dr.Johnny has the best daddy blog.
189. closet metro said:
Sissy: as Amanda B. once said, there's always time for lube.
190. closet metro said:
Kristine - Thanks for your "nomination"
191. butt face said:
that picture isn't that great.
i don't know why all you dooce freaks get so excited about pictures. eh?
192. sam said:
butt face - Don't be a hayta. Now, I know it's not easy to keep up with all of the hilarity in here, but that doesn't mean you have to post nasty comments, now does it? Go stand in the corner until you're ready to apologize.
193. rutabaga said:
I beg to differ, Mrs. George 2. Parasites? From where? Of what species? Intestinal parasites are thankfully rare in N. America. Of course, perhaps you aren't in N. America; if that's the case, my apologies. Heavy metals? On your colon walls? Washed away by some magical potion? I'm afraid not. I'm not familiar with the term "mucoid plaque," but I'm not really surprised, as that isn't really a medical term.
I'm sure you see interesting things upon your colon cleansing; however, I stand by my original posting.
194. Spring said:
Appetizing. But you do only live once.
195. Kristine said:
Mrs. Stray-
Our Mr. Fever? I better go read it!!
I love all our mens in here. They are such good daddies.
196. mrs. george #2 said:
mucoid plaque is a term coined by a physician and although it is hotly debated in the medical profession, there is no other clinical explanation for that substance. Parasites are actually more common than you'd think and can come from the water, the air, the food or your pets. i also do a liver flush while i'm fasting and the combination of the two move along the heavy metals. you can stand by your post, that's ok, but unless you've tried it for yourself don't assume that there's nothing in your intestines that needs to come out.
197. butt face said:
sam-
actually it is pretty easy to keep up with the "hilarity" in here because it really isn't that funny. the people who obsess over dooce's mediocre photographs bug the shit out of me. you need to get something better to do. and yeah i probably need to get something better to do to, because reading your comments is grating on my nerves.
198. Kristine said:
Yes, you were right about Fever's web page. After today's entry he should be nominated!!
like I said, welcome to the world of not seeing the back of your bathroom door for the next 13 years.
199. butt face said:
mrs. george #2.
have you ever noticed that when you "flush" the parasites out of your colon that you end up doing it again a few monthes later? those parasites are always going to be there so maybe they're not that bad...??
200. mrs. george #2 said:
maybe YOUR'S aren't that bad. I've only done the parasite flush once and haven't felt the need to do it since. I'm also unsure about how long a few monthes is.
201. sam said:
It is too hilarious in here...sniff, sniff...
202. butt face said:
all i'm saying is that if you flush them out once, they are gonna come back in something else you eat or breath or drink or whatever. it's fruitless.
203. mrs. george #2 said:
If that is your broken logic then two thumbs up, bro. But my momma told me never to take advice from a person with an ass where their face should be.
204. Colleen from NJ said:
colon health begins and ends with a healthy, balanced diet and lucky genes.
205. butt face said:
my mother and father told me to never take advice from someone who lives in texas. done and done!
206. sam said:
MG2 - HA!
207. sam said:
Oh no...he's insulted the Texans...
208. Colleen from NJ said:
But, butt face, she's an nurse.
209. Colleen from NJ said:
I'm an nurse too, not an English teecher.as yoo can C.
210. mrs. george #2 said:
Cold blooded attempt, but my parents told me the same thing which is why I'm not a Republican.
211. Graygirl said:
I'mmmm baaaaack! And, I went out for pizza with one of my salesmen. Am now running to the bathroom with clenched cheeks! LOL
Mr. Butt Face: me thinks you should "butt out".
Why do people persist on trashing this site and all who comment??? Go read something else....
212. honestyrain said:
i could eat mexican. who's buying?
213. butt face said:
eh. i guess it's just that i think i'm better than everyone here. and now you're gonna say something like "well then WHY DO YOU KEEP POSTING MEAN COMMENTS YOU JERK!?"
and then i'll answer "um. because i can. and i will."
214. mrs. george #2 said:
and for the record, I never GAVE anyone advice. I was just offering my personal testimony. So if you're going to refute the advice of a Texan go talk to your president.
215. Girl.A said:
Just ignore the asswipe, Mrs. George. Some people think common sense is useful all the time. Sometimes it just means lowest common denominator.
216. butt face said:
yeah. don't worry about it mrs george. i was just wanted to get your goat. i also wanted to get sam's goat. and then some other people got pissed too!
yea!
217. mrs. george #2 said:
u cant touch this (goat).
218. Colleen from NJ said:
hey girl A... loved the hello jesus gifts you didn't get, by the way. Cried, I laughed so hard.
219. Girl.A said:
" Sins are like stickers on your soul "
220. mrs. george #2 said:
GA's like that Lisa Frank sticker album.
221. Girl.A said:
Annnnnd, ummm, I am going to need to stop by and collect those Loogies you offered, Colleen, so, what's an ummmmm, good time to come by?
222. Alex said:
Actually, it's Mo*c*tezuma.
I'm just sayin'....
223. Alex said:
But, you know, without the asterisks.
O.K. an * = bold, what's going on? :(
224. hp said:
mexican food. the hotter, the better.
225. jules said:
http://tinyurl.com/6278q
grin.. how perfect for today's photo!
(:3
226. Big Gay Sam said:
Three words.
GLADE AIR FRESHENER.
I keep a mini in my desk drawer. That way my shit doesn't stink thank you very much.
227. Zach said:
Finally! Enough talk about kids and cute a cuddly stuff, it's time to talk about SEX! God damnit this is the internet, it's sole creation was for the proliferation of SEX!
New topic: I was once with a girl that comed in 20 second and then every 20 seconds until the deed was complete. By coincidence, she was the happiest person I've ever fucking met.
228. Colleen from NJ said:
Girl A, as a professional Loogie loaner, I must say morning is best for freshness.
229. Girl.A said:
"Yeaaaaaaaaaaah. Ummm, I'm going to need you to come in on Saaaaturday"
230. closet metro said:
Big Gay Sam - sorry, it just smells like you shit in a flower garden.
231. Kristine said:
I don't get google ads.
She WRITES ABOUT POOP and I see an ad for ivory jewelery.
I don't know if I should be creeped out or what. I'm sure Girl A will google some jewelery made of shit ;)
One last thing...I have been looking at the masthead for a couple of days and (don't get mad) I don't think I like it. I mean, I like everything but the woman in a skirt, hands on her hips...it doesn't feel doocey.
Someone..anyone..read too much into the masthead woman and change my mind about it.
232. mrs. george #2 said:
Zach that woman was a goddamn LIE. Maybe your ego felt warm and fuzzy when she pretended to come so much, but your juggernaught must have known better. Please tell me he knew better.
233. Girl.A said:
Whaddayamean, MG2?? I have been comin every ten seconds for the past 4 years.
234. Liz said:
If you want to come in 20 seconds (or less!) the ticket is to get yourself a Hitachi Magic Wand. :P
235. Fish said:
I was feeling a bit doocey the other day, but luckily I learned all about colonics from Melanie.
236. mrs. george #2 said:
juggernaut? That's better. And before Alex the Spelling/Syntax/Grammar cop exerts his wrath upon us all, when did "comed" become(d) a word?
237. Zach said:
MG2, I hear what your saying really I do. It wasn't an inflation to my ego because have the time my ego was saying "oh shit, this can't be right". But I tell you, it wasn't just the one or two times, it was every time (of the 15 or so times we had sex). I'm just saying it happened... not that she wasn't possibly delusional... just that, it happened.
238. mrs. george #2 said:
ok, so riddle me this batman: why, if you found such an orgasmically good liar of a girlfriend, did you only have sex with her 15 times?
239. Wayne said:
That has got to be the most insightful and shockingly hilarious post about poop I've ever read (actually, it's the only one I've really read on your site per se). God! I'm in tears it was so funny! Hahah!
Yes, work poopers unite! HAHAH!
240. mkay said:
http://www.smellypoop.com/poop.html
There's WAY too much info on this site but scroll down to the often duplicated: What Happens When I'm At WORK and I have to Poop?
241. Yoohooligan said:
I'm not sure *striving* for the 20-second orgasm is a Good Idea, but if you're gonna take this up as a bar bet, try this:
1. Keep your hands out of your cooter for a couple of days. Maybe 3. If you can stand it.
2. Use the 3-day moratorium to acquire a Hitachi Magic Wand and a stopwatch.
Trust me, you won't need to aim much, but you'll need both hands. It's the sawed-off shotgun of vibrators.
Ain't science grand?
242. Zach said:
Mg2, there's a difference between her having a lot of orgasm and ME having a lot of orgasm. Orgasmically talented doesn't necessarily correlate with great in bed.
243. Shiz said:
Y'all,
On my lunch break earlier I passed some construction. But the road sign, instead of reading "Construction" with an arrow pointing ahead/up, read "Obstruction." With an ARROW pointing UP.
And I thought of us poo-talkers on dooce comments, and the blessed constipation confessions that lead to it all ...
244. Shiz said:
Fixed my link, now.
Keep up the poo talk.
245. Girl.A said:
OK, loved the poop policy post.
I do poop when I can.
This will probably have someone knowing who I am and where I work but IF YOU DO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
There is a "pooper" in my company.
A person who lays logs in the middle of the 50 dollar per square foot carpets of our reception areas. Every few months he or she lays another log on the fire. They haven't been able to catch the person on tape. This has been going on for 6 years and it ISN'T ME.
Even though I have more than once pooped for the purposes of retribution.
246. Shiz said:
Shit, but you're onto sex now, so poo talk is passé.
Poo.
247. U.B. said:
I always thought it was "cum", not 'come' when you're talking the big O?
Not that I read waaaay too many stolen issues of Penthouse Forum as a misguided youth or anything...
248. dooce said:
isn't "cum" in reference to the substance produced when you "come" ?
249. Beth said:
Hello. My name is Beth and I am a Work Pooper.
Did you know that in England the public toilets have a little slot that goes across when you lock the cubicle door, so you can tell if it's 'free' or 'engaged' from the outside? NO big gaps down the sides! Anyway, after I poop at work, I slide the lock across to 'Engaged' and close the door carefully - in hopes that the next poor fool will skip my stinky cubicle for the next.
I poop, therefore, I care.
250. Beth said:
And yes, your Dooceness, that's how I always interpreted the 'cum'/'come' difference.
251. Gi