It's alive!
In the winter we rarely go in or out of the front door because we have no hallway at the front of the house. We always use the back door so that we don't track mud or snow onto the hardwood floors. Unfortunately, this means that I forget about everything on the porch including these festive Halloween pumpkins. Jon was tasked with disposing of these rotting horrors but not before I could take a picture.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- "If you're gonna ride my ass, at least pull my hair." http://is.gd/51YQV
- Old enough to know how to spell guitar. RT @GIUATARHERO: @dooce how old are you stupid
- Look who isn't fazed by the foot of snow on the ground: http://flic.kr/p/7hNjCE
301. RazDreams said:
DORK! RUFF! GEORGE! OF FRANCE!!!! (with a little rectalage and constipation poop mixed in there too)
302. Marti said:
Does Monkey really =vagina?
I'm just not as hip and happenin' as I thought I was.
303. Not Circus Kelli said:
Moose! I'm right here! Oh, wait... let me take off my fake nose and glasses first.
See? It's ME!
304. moose said:
Marti, I didn't know that either, any more than I knew dork = penis.
305. moose said:
Geez, Kelli, you're so confoozing.
306. Cathi said:
I thought a dork was just a whale penis.
307. beachgal said:
I don't think my hubby would have the patience to sift through all the comments section to try to see if I'm here. Beachgal wouldn't give me away, anyway. I show him pictures sometimes, and he's like, what is that from? Hard to explain to the non-blog reader about blogs.
308. moose said:
A WHALE PENIS???? The things I learn at dooce.com!
309. RazDreams said:
Shiz: people probably *are* filming some of us out here typing DORK! on our work computers using little secret hidden cameras to see what we do at work all day long...
310. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I wish someone would see me typing 'dork', too. Especially the chick that's office is right behind my cubicle. She always has sinus problems and I can constantly hear her hocking loogies instead of blowing her nose. Now that is a total dork if I ever saw one.
311. Not Circus Kelli said:
Oooo... good point, beachgal. Maybe he won't notice me here in amongst all of you...
Ssshhh! Don't tell him, ok?!
312. ashik said:
I thought it was a whale penis too.
313. Cathi said:
moose - This knowledge comes from having a high school intern working with me, who also refers to his female friend of weekender mating sessions his "receptacle." He may be making the shit up.
314. jodi-no-blog said:
Hi, um yeah, My name is Jodi (with no blog) and I'm a Dooce-aholic too...
"Hi Dork, OH we mean Hi Jodi"
I embrace my dork-a-licious-ness, thank you.
315. moose said:
How's come everybody knows this but me? Now I feel like a real dork.
316. Sarah said:
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE THE MOST LOVEABLE DORK. IN. HISTORY.
DORK.
I cannot wait to see this tonight!
317. beachgal said:
No problem Circus Kelli. I mean Not Circus Kelli.
318. Me Now said:
We can have a dork-estra concert.
Everybody now...
d o r k
319. beachgal said:
D O R K (I'm singing LOUD!)
320. diane said:
Ah! I knew it! I saw the preview last night for ABC World News, and I thought, oh MAN I bet they are going to talk to Dooce...
I was surprised it hadn't appeared in your blog yet. Funny that they ran the ad before even speaking with you.
Also, your DORK entry? HILARIOUS!
321. bethymae said:
Wow I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does that. (neglectful pumpkin thing).
ha ha ...pumpkin fister :}
So Dooce, I think that you have to carry a National Geographic card in your wallet to completly qualify as a dork.
322. Not Circus Kelli said:
DORKA-PAH-LOOZA!
323. Carol said:
Heather, instead of "DORK", you should have typed in "COCK". Now, that would have impressed even Mr. Jennings.
324. moose said:
Doocelings, what's the collective noun for a bunch of dorks? And please don't tell me it's a pod.
325. Cathi said:
Some research on dorks = whale penis
http://tinyurl.com/5h2e7
326. Libraryhill said:
D O R K
327. Cheryl said:
Heather-- its so good to know that other people freak out when people are HOOVERING over them. You and I can be DORKS together!
328. Carol said:
Moose - I think that would be
"doocelings"
329. Cheryl said:
When will this air?? Only so I can tell everyone I know that I know exactly what she is typing. Cause I am neurotic like that.
330. ashik said:
On the east coast at 6:30pm.
331. RazDreams said:
diane: just because dooce didn't write about the interview before today doesn't mean that she hasn't been in negoitations and discussions with abc over the past few days/weeks...
also, http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/?WNTad=true . Can blogging cause you to lose your job?
332. Libraryhill said:
Moose - "Pod" hahahhaah Whales, dorks... can't. stop. laughing.
333. Marti said:
What if I get my dork and my monkey mixed up? Uh oh, what if I get somebody else's dork and monkey mixed?
For the love of God, somebody hep me. Please hep me.
334. Rachel said:
Holy shit, it's 1:22pm central time, and there are already 332 comments posted. Y'all are seriously prolific.
335. Sherri said:
Now the "Duck Duck Goose" Google ad that's been showing up on the main page for weeks finally fits.
DORK DORK Goose.
336. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Want to see what a Dooce fan I am? I am leaving work early to get home in time to see this piece on the news (it's on at 5:30 here in Texas). I wonder if HR will accept Dooce-viewing as a reasonable excuse for leaving ten minutes early?
337. Catherine said:
I'm so embarassed for the pumpkins...
338. Stacey said:
You should've typed random profanities. ;)
339. moose said:
Let's see...
a book of mormons,
a clench of sphincters,
a gross of farts,
a wave of websurfers,
an obscenity of monkeys,
a poopload of doocelings...
340. Effie said:
Erin--thanks for the explanation on dood (or doo-doo) balls. They actually sound quite good--I see why they are called that! I'd like to make them now.....
I believe ABC's ratings have just instantly shot up (for tonight at least) because of Dooce's appearance. It will be so fun to tell my husband "I know what she's typing right then"
teehee
341. Shawna said:
Hey, gyp! That ain't no yummy blueberry pastry.
Stacy - I too talk about "the journalers" to my husband but his response is more bemused interest than calling me a stalker.
342. KelliAmanda said:
Oh my GOD, if you lose your job because of someone else's blog, is that still considered being dooced? Because I'm sitting here checking your page frequently (in between actually getting *some* work done!) and LMAO with my door OPEN. And my boss is in the hallway, SO HE CAN HEAR ME. Can't wait to see the dorkiness that is Heather B. Armstrong on World News Tonight. ;-)
343. jill said:
Brava!
Dude. Writing is so totally not a performance art and so you get mad props for performing -- and so remarkably, funnily well -- under pressure. I was with you. I felt your pain. But I also have to smile at the uncharacteristic typos. Were you afraid he'd see you hit the delete button? Would that second-long pause to backspace have stopped the flow? Or were they intentional? You know to illustrate the grand pressure of being filmed? Regardless, I think they add to the levity!
Again, seriously, Brava. And congrats on the coverage. -- j
344. diane said:
RazDreams--
Sorry, that didn't come out right. I understand that she couldn't blog about it if she was in negotiations with ABC. I was just surprised that SHE seemed so surprised that they were coming TODAY and the story airs TONIGHT. I figured if some advance conversations were had, a date and time would have been established.
345. Not Circus Kelli said:
Moose - A dorkvention?
Someone who is trying to cure the ways of their friend who is a dork would be doing a dorkintervention.
Dorkzilla
Dorkenstien
Dorkitos
Dorkville
Ahem... sorry.
346. diane said:
I'm totally a moron. I went back and re-read her entry and realized there's no indication that Dooce didn't necessarily imply she didn't know they were coming. Just that she was freaking out.
Oh, not a moron, I'm a DORK!
347. moose said:
No, I think that would have to be a convention of procedures.
Still thinking about dork.
Dork dork dork dork dork dork...
348. Graygirl said:
The visuals running through my brain....dorks chasing monkeys!!!
HA, HA, HA, HA!
349. msshadow said:
I saw the promo that the news people are doing "on bloggers who lost jobs because of their blogs", and I thought to myself, "they need to talk to Dooce". Lo and behold.
long time lurker, and you're the reason I started my own blog. It is theraputic!
350. Annejelynn said:
waaahhhh - thus far, I've had NO TIME to read comments this week... Missing you all~
Hey Dooce, some of the coolest people in this world are ultra dorks.
Proud to be a dork,
Annejelynn
351. moose said:
*a blurbodoocery of dorks*
?
352. Gooooder said:
my boyfriend told me if i buy him a new apple monitor that he will start reading dooce.
he doesnt get it either.
353. Jenni said:
My stepsister's name is Dorcas. Everyone I know finds this hilarious. When I refer to her people stare at me like I'm so rude for calling her a dorkus... then I remember that I have to explain... "no, seriously, her name is Dorcas".
354. Gooooder said:
talk about pressure to post, with a camera in yer face.
355. Annejelynn said:
# moose said at 12:18PM, 02.09.2005:
Doocelings, what’s the collective noun for a bunch of dorks? And please don’t tell me it’s a pod.
IT'S 'DOOCELINGS'
tee hee - I had to at least scan a bit through today -- good thing too, as I found the link to ABC for later and saw Moose's comments
356. Kupferkopf said:
Moose: a dorkregation, maybe?
Dooce - dork on, sister! I wish I could call my TiVo and tell it to record this...
357. Annejelynn said:
oops- scanned a tad bit more and see that Carol beat me to it:
# Carol said at 12:19PM, 02.09.2005:
Moose - I think that would be
“doocelingsâ€
358. MamaPajama said:
Dork? I guess that's better than POOP.
I HATE when people watch me type.
359. Claude said:
The best part is that, in this post-Janet Jackson Super Bowl World, someone from ABC Practices and Standards Office will be looking at the raw footage, will see the monitor with the word "dork" all over it and will kill all that footage because (he will argue) "dork" is a slang word for "penis". And all your banging away (heh) on the keyboard will be for naught. Ah, well.
360. Ronda said:
Ok, that post cracked me up more than I have ever been cracked before. or something. Reminds me of something I would write! hahahahahaha! me dork too!
361. Jessica Raab said:
KelliAmanda, I SEND THIS BLOG to my boss. But I don't think I'll get fired. We all think it kicks ass...though maybe I should take a look at what our employee handbook says...uh...about reading blogs that contain references to boobies, zingbahs and constipation...nope. Still employed.
Lucky me to work for cool people.
362. Claude said:
Because I'm this compulsive:
It's "Standards and Practices," not the other way around.
MamaPajama: Me too, and unfortunately typing in front of a roomful of people is part of my job. I hate when there's a lull in the conversation and then I realize that everyone's waiting for me to catch up so they can just LEAVE already. Man, when that happens I can go 60 typos a minute.
363. moose said:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dorky.
Dorky who?
Thank goodness you opened the door, I lost my dorky.
Don't hit me, okay?
364. kristine said:
I love they are getting the real Heather B. Armstrong...the one we all know and love!!
How does your hair look ;) ????
365. Cate said:
Is anyone else thinking "OMG, I have to tape ABC World News Tonight tonight! Ack! Do I have a tape? Why don't I have TiVo?"
366. jules said:
i _love_ donald dork :)
(:3
367. INTERPOL dork said:
Dooce - I know nothing about Interpol, but you write about them all the time so they must be cool. They will be in concert in March and I plan on going, but want to educate myself first. Could you recommend a "must listen to" CD. Interpol Cliff Notes if you will.
Thanks! And when should we be watching ABC news?
368. tk said:
Please let us know when this segment will air.... we all want to watch you typing the word DORK
369. Danika said:
DAMN! I don't think I'll be able to watch it. First because I am not even sure I get ABC tonight (I have satelite so maybe I would get it) but also because I work and don't have time to run home from this job to check and set the vcr to tape while I'm working!
All I have to say to that is FUCK
370. becky said:
wah! i won't be able to watch either. stupid job. stupid school.
371. Colleen from NJ said:
Dorks who can not type, unite!
I'm still laughing. What a dork.
My husband calls me that when I tell him about my "internet friends" (as mentioned in "Old School"):
"and Fish was really God... and Kano is kinda jerky, but he hates clowns... and CircusKelli really isn't in the circus...but now she's NotCK so I gotta scroll up and see why...and it's almost ChuckFriday..."
372. Gooooder said:
i have an interpol song in my head currently.
ROSEMARRRRRRRY.
anyway, here's to dooce for helping me pass through another day of monotonous, tedious, mindless work that makes me want to just quit and go on unemployment. GAH. but i wont quit.
373. Gooooder said:
i wish it was CHUCKFRIDAY.
374. Cindy said:
Can I have your autograph?
375. Megan said:
You know what other word could use some more attention? Cunnilingus. Although, that's a lot more hard to spell than Dork.
America needs more cunnilingus.
376. kristine said:
Yeah, I am so ready for Chuck Friday. I am going to bite the beak off of a rubber duckie in honor of Chuck Fridays!
377. Anon said:
Do we know if Heather will truely be on World News tonight? Do they have that quick of a turn around with editing on stuff like this? I know they can do quick editing - but I'm just wondering if it will really be on tonight.
Please, Heather, let us know when you know, okay?
Thanks.
378. Cheryl said:
You can Tivo through the Tivo website. I just did. Just thought I would let everyone know.
379. Cheryl said:
GO AHEAD-- CALL ME A DORK. At least I have friends who are dorks too. TIVO DORKS!!
380. Kassi said:
LMAO...that is real time dorkness.
381. Libraryhill said:
I'm just glad I'm not alone in my dorkness.
382. stillheidi said:
this is so cool....I feel like I read you when....Good Luck tonight!
383. moose said:
Libraryhill, you are not alone. You are a dooceling.
384. Carol said:
Megan - I hear ya, sistah!! LMAO!
385. Libraryhill said:
Thank you, Moose. So, when should I start watching my mail for my official Dooceling Dork membership card?
386. moose said:
New tshirt slogan:
DOOCELING DORKS OF FRANCE!!!!
387. Loo said:
I thought my day couldn't get much better because:
1. It marked three full days since my daughter's ass exploded on me.
2. I successfully avoided showing my right buttock to my coworkers by noticing that my skirt was stuck inside my hose BEFORE leaving the ladies room.
And now this...Ahhh...
dork dork dork...hey, that is fun!
388. Wickedfun said:
SQUEEE!! ABC NEWS!! and DORKS!
;-) I'll be watching.
389. Gooooder said:
i wish i was OF FRANCE!
only 22 more minutes!!!
390. Sissychong said:
NO freakin WAY!!! Congratulations! Turning scars into stars, thats you Dooce!
391. OregonKim said:
But you are such a very cool dork. I'll be watching for you and am cheering you on as we speak.
392. moose said:
Oh yeah, that's right, y'all over there on the righthand coast get to see it first. Wah! No fair, while I'm still working. Theoretically.
393. closet metro said:
Dooce - Queen of the Dorks.
394. Missy said:
LOVE IT.
Can't wait to see it on air.
395. redsaid said:
Dooce the DORK. Nice ring to it!
CONGRATULATIONS, Dork! So THAT's what a girl needs to do around here to be famous? Start a website, talk about your boss molesting the air around your head, get squealed on about said website, get fired, and ABC, NPR, NYT and all the other letters of the alphabet will come running and filming you typing DORK. Are you ready for your close-up, Mrs. Armstrong?
396. moose said:
Dooce, Dooce, Dooce, Dooce of Dork, Dork, Dork...
... who did that song?
397. Dang Cold.. said:
Long Duck Dong a la Sixteen Candles..named after a ducks dork :)
you guys remember????
geez I was in elementary school when that movie came out.
398. kristine said:
Coming Up on WNT
Could blogging cause you to lose your job?
http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/?WNTad=true
399. JYJ said:
I too have wondered if Heather's former colleagues from "The Dooced Experience" still keep in touch/check the website. Are they aware of the mentions (not of their company, but of her experience)?
What about the person who initially sent the link to the upper mgmt at the company, I wonder if they're aware of the PHENOMENON.
Just wondering.
400. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Wow, I got some catchin' up to do!
Thumbnail: Looks like a $2 hooker's scarred ass. Don't ask how I know that.
mg2: You quoted Jerri Blank! I must have you for my own!
Amanda B: What's wrong with the monkey that GOD gave you? You lookin' for a monkey transplant?
The Monkey: Yes, I'm afraid that intense scientific studies do, indeed, confirm beyond a shadow of a doubt that monkey *DOES* equal vagina.
401. Gooooder said:
i thought we confirmed yesterday that the word monkey can mean vagina?
402. Stacy said:
I'll admit, I totally hit the back button to see what a $2 hooker's scarred ass looks like.
403. Gooooder said:
ahahahahaaa
404. The Monkey said:
Bucky, is that because I like to put bananas in my corn-hole?
oooh oooh ooh ahahah ee EEEEEE! E ee ee EEEEEE!
405. Anon said:
Thanks for the update Heather!!!
Looking forward to seeing you on the boob tube tonight!
(I can't believe I just wrote 'boob tube'....I'm only in my early 30's - shouldn't cliches be uttered by those wiser?)
406. anon said:
Your love is like some long gone fruit/Bloated and dripping its insides/Across the steril ground
407. bb said:
THAT WAS HEEEEE-LARIOUS!
408. Dang Cold... said:
Dorkter Who...zipping through different worlds on the Tardis.
EXTERMINATE!!!!
409. erin said:
Effie - the doodie balls are yummy. Email me if you want the recipe. erinisrael@comcast.net
410. Cori Skinner said:
can't wait to see ya on TV tonight, now I can say that I used to kinda know someone who's famous!
411. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
By the way, Heather, I cleaned out my couch-cushions looking for change so you could pay for the xtra bandwidth tonight and tomorrow.
you don't wanna know what it was sitting next to in the couch, tho ...
412. Susana said:
dork-leks!! DORK-9!
EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!
my husband just called me a crazy blog groupie!!
413. Gabrielle Adams said:
That's as bad as they got? Here in the Pacific Northwest, our's looked like that three days after Halloween!
414. Matt said:
Heather, I hope you are a complete narcissist and post a clip of your show so we won't need to go looking for it.
415. Dang cold.. said:
heather, you don't suppose this is going to turn around and paint you as a self absorbed piece of scrotum dork cheese do you?? I love peter jennings and all as a canuck brother but hey...I'm just saying his shit may stick. Heads up..
416. Girl From Ipanema said:
I can't wait to watch my dorky t.v tonight, while making my dorky dinner, and then sit on my dorky couch and watch you type DORK!:)
Yea!!!!
417. Molly said:
First off.. YUCK! We had a frozen pumpkin last year.. this year we opted for no pumpkins...
Secondly.. Can't wait for the interview tonight.. Looking forward to watching you type DORK!
418. Dang Cold.. said:
not that I want to kill your buzz we're all thrilled. NYT sucks and I'm hoping ABC doesn't suck. If they do I'll go to Peter Jennings mothers house here in Canada and throw a bag of fecal matter at her door...then kick her dog
419. moose said:
...visions of frozen Canuck fecal matter flying through the air...
420. JessicaRabbit said:
Wow, when you sleep all day long and wake up to reading this, I even feel excited to watch. Woohoo!
421. Starla Dear said:
Yay! I called my parents and they will record it for me and send me the tape! I just HAVE to see Dooce/Leta/Chuck in action! VERY short notice on ABC's part though.
422. jules said:
woo, ABC is actually one of the FOUR FRICKIN channels i actually get! (new episode of LOST on tonight folks!) and in 24 hrs i'll be on a plane to London! yay!
423. Dang cold.. said:
in additon to me shouting "you sons a penis with ears mrs. jennings!!!"
SPLAT!!!
424. lavonne said:
Will someone on the east coast please post a link as soon as it comes on? I suspect that ABC's website knows which time zone and won't show the link until 6 pm PST. 3 hours and 31 minutes--not fair.
p.s. I hope you used your hickiest southern accent.
425. Heather K. said:
I bought myself this sweatshirt (http://store.alloy.com/item.do?categoryID=&itemID=14310) two weeks ago....I think you could use one as well. DORK! :-)
426. Aliesha said:
ABCNews!!! That is awesome! Too bad it too 3 years for them to find the story, but it's still cool.
427. Kevin said:
Do smash a quote: "Dork it up, fuzzbrain."
428. Starla Dear said:
When I said short notice on ABC's part, I meant to say that it is weird that they are filming today and playing it tonight... Sort of along with what diane was saying.
429. LetterB said:
Yet another unforseen upside to quitting my job last week: I get to watch dooce type dork in realtime. Woohoo!
430. Meggan said:
Those pumpkins are revolting.
Dork dork dork.
431. muffy said:
so when will you be on the tee vee?
432. closet metro said:
I now have the Sweedish Chef in my head, replacing "Bork, Bork, Bork!" with "Dork, Dork, Dork!"
433. moose said:
Metro, I LOVE the Swedish Chef!
434. maryse said:
the abc news tonight people didn't see the rotting pumpkins did they?
the horror!
435. annelise said:
you're not a fucking dork! you're on the news - weeeeeee. fuck, i don't get cable. god damn. now who's the dork?
436. Scully said:
I am interrupting my work out after work to watch ABC World News tonight.
Oh. My. Gawd.
You're such a DORK.
Way too funny.
437. jamie said:
well this is my first entry ever! I am a huge dooce fan, and have yet to respond. Emagine loosing your viginity to a whale cock, and rotting pumpkins. Thanks Doocelings! DORKS UNITE!!!!!
438. twaci said:
when i first started perusing dooce, i was impressed that there were, oh, 29 comments on a regular basis. you're now cruising toward 430 (!!!), and with a pic of rotting pumpkins. you are a goddess. it's hard to imagine how many more will join the cult after tonight. i'm sceeeeered.
439. Dang Cold.. said:
The-Dork-a-Dot door
The-Dork-a-Dot door
See you soon at The-Dork-a-dot door
with Bear, Marigold, Humpty and Dumpty.
The Dork a roo was here?!?!?! and I missed him again. :(
I'm losing my mind...
440. BabyM said:
man, hope your bandwidth can handle the hits it is going to get tonight after being on the NATIONAL NEWS!!
Even though the "story of getting dooced" is three years old, it is becoming more and more relevant. I think it is great that you're getting so much visibility, since I for one love reading your site every day.
Maybe a publisher will contact you, try to publish the postings of a blogger...that'd be cool!
441. Flippy said:
Nice! I (heart) Peter Jennings.
I type with the proper fingers, yet when someone is watching, it's like I lose any ability to type whatsoever. I wouldn't even be able to spell "dork".
442. Kano said:
So that is what it looks like when Dooce finally takes a crap!
443. Danika said:
You aren't the only one Flippy. I constantly screw up when people watch me type. I'm sure they think wow so it looks and sounds like a fast typer but holy she SUCKS and the speed(sounds) are due to all the fuckups and backspacing.
444. adam said:
That pumpkin looks like an ancient fertitlity statue. It has breasts.
445. Dang cold... said:
Well you know my name is Dorkie
And the things I draw come true
Oh pictures, take me, take me , take me over
Climb the ladder with you
yup losing my mind alright...
446. closet metro said:
Adam - I remember that statue from Art History class. (Pretty much the only thing I remember from that class, it put me to sleep every day.)
447. Susana said:
Little Dorkie foo foo
hopping through the forest
scooping up the dork-mice and
dorking them on the head!
hee hee hee
448. meowlam said:
All Hail the Queen Dork! I'm SO proud to be a Dooceling.
Looking forward to the news tonight...and that's not something I say on a regular basis. Hell, I NEVER say that!
449. RazDreams said:
You're on the TV at 5:30pm my time, and I have to be at Church for Ash Wednesday at 6:00pm. I mustn't worship other Gods (that'd be you) before Him, so I'll have to tape you (I don't have TiVo). You are *so* famous. I lasted about two whole hours without checking your site. I need a 12-step program to ween me off of this ADDICTION!!! ;-)
450. jamie said:
I have been reading for several months now, and have to thank dooce, my big gulp of wine and ya'll for saving my sanity!!
451. Gooooder said:
wish i could watch my tv
ugh
452. jess said:
I'm SO trying to watch the piece tonight. I really hope they don't do some negative spin on it like they did with your momma article. That's so mean. Also: my prediction is that you'll be on Oprah in the coming future. And if anyone else has predicted that, my apologies - I rarely actually read all the comments!
453. Relentless Christian Amber said:
What is next, Dooce?
I'm kind of waiting for the day we find a story about you on MTV.
454. Kimberly said:
Dang cold has a good point. The mainstream media (am I allowed to say that w/o this getting political) consistantly tries to paint blogs and bloggers as trival and self-absorbed. Mainly because they're threatened. I'll be interested to see it, but am pessimistic.
455. Chad said:
That looks disgustingly familiar. Oh yeah, my front porch, every December or so.
456. U.B. said:
Kimberly -- that's supposed to be 'the *liberal* mainstream media. You're obviously not watching enough Fox...
Gotta LOVE that Dork! I can't wait to watch this evening and see if I can pick out the dorkiness in action.
457. Jessica said:
Just so you know, http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/ has updated:
Coming Up on WNT
Could blogging cause you to lose your job?
458. Not that I ever watch TV said:
Not MTV -- A&E Biography... ;)
Maybe Law and Order will have an episode "based on" the whole thing! (Not an L&O:SVU, though, I'm thinking more like a L&O:Criminal Intent.)
459. K E N N Y said:
OMG, that was hilarious. Great job. My wife and I will be watching tonight.
460. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I totally just almost busted a gut laughing when I read the post about the pumpkin looking like a scarred hooker's ass. I have never had the opportunity to glance at a scarred hooker's ass, but that close-up of the pumpkin has to be pretty darn close. Eww.
461. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
This is really sad, but I am missing Ash Wednesday service to watch the piece on Dooce. I hope I don't burn in the pits of hell for that. I am really hungry, anyway. I doubt the priest would appreciate my the growls emanating from my gut. There's nothing better than eating a tv dinner while watching Dooce on primetime on Ash Wednesday. God help me. :-)
462. not-that-Andrea said:
I'm late checking Dooce (I know - my priorities are all screwed up) so forgive the out-of-order thoughts here:
I had a smallish pumpkin in my little studio apartment that sat on my kitchen table against the lovely blue & white striped wall paper. Novemberish I noticed that apparently my cat had repeatedly peed on the wall under the table. Oh was I furious and oh was the kitty confused! I moved the table to clean the wall and the pumpkin finished it's liquification down the wall. But ya know - it didn't stink.
463. not-that-Andrea said:
Oh - and I'm SO leaving work early to watch ABC.
dork-da-dork dork. Peter Dork?
464. JessicaRabbit said:
OK, so I just sat here and read every freaking one of these comments. I might need to get out more.
465. Bec said:
EW!! lol
466. Nicole E said:
Don't feel bad. I do walk through our front door every day because we have no hard wood floors to ruin. And I JUST got rid of our pumpkin 2 days ago. The skin from it's ass is still stuck to the deck...it was that rotten.
467. moose said:
Oh, the noble Dooce of Dorks,
She had 10,000 friends,
She blogged it up to Peter Jennings
And she blogged it down again.
Oh, when she's up she's hilarious,
And when she's down she takes her meds (yup, she's not the only one!)
And when she's only halfway up she lightens doocelings' days!
468. Renae said:
Hey, that happened to our pumpkin this year too! haha. And I have no excuse. We walked past it rotting there for months.
469. jamie said:
You think thats bad, if you look you will find a bowel full of gourds under my counter that I put there when company was coming over three and a half months ago. Shh, don't tell child services.
470. Cathi said:
Dang Cold (#397)
Sixteen Candles is my favorite movie to quote (after Holy Grail, of course).
No more yanky my wanky! The Donger needs food!
471. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Moose, that is a bad ass song. Dooce needs to set that to music and have it playing in the background on the website... Okay, maybe not, but it is still a funny song!
Okay, last post for the day before heading out of the hellhole known as work! Good luck Heather, Leta, Chuck and Jon - can't wait to see the show!!!
472. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Oh, one more thing. Since the topic came up, I must also quote Sixteen Candles and the Noble Long Duck Dong:
Grandpa: "Dong" [clap, clap] "Dong" [clap, clap, clap] "Where is my... automobile?"
Long Duck Dong "Automobile?" [giggling] "Automobile?" [laughing hysterically and rolling on front lawn, mimicking with hands how the automobile crashed to pieces]
You gotta love the Brat Pack.
473. kim said:
We carved a pumpkin for Halloween and then forgot to throw it away. The result is this deflated mass of rubbery-looking pumpkin goo that we'll have to scrape off the lawnchair we left it on. Or just, you know. Buy a new lawnchair.
474. moose said:
Kim, I'll know to think twice when I come to your barbecues...
475. Cristin said:
jamie, a *bowel* full of gourds?
476. Kupferkopf said:
Jamie: your poor bowel! A good upper colonic should set you to rights, though...
477. jamie said:
where else can you have a chat about hooker ass, whale dicks, and a monkey? Hope to see dooce on the tube de boob.
478. Samantha K. said:
You may be sacrificing your employment and soul, but I'm going to be watching it on a television that has no cable and no antenna, on the most scrambled and snowy station that's carried. These are ALL forms of true dedication!
479. jamie said:
OKAY!! Maybe it's been three big gulps!! who's got time to proof when there's wine to be had?
480. Dang Cold.. said:
This sight is going to get hit with hate comments like a cyclone after tonight I think.
Troops!!Circle the wagons!! I want Suck It rifles locked and loaded!!!
I'm BA Baracus you who guys wanna be????
481. Chloe (is here) said:
Tonight? Damn it, they work fast! Is there any way they are going to re-show it? I have lab till 10 pm tonight, and ABC world news comes on at 5pm (maybe 5:30?) here. (The Simpsons comes on right after!)
Or maybe someone will record it and magically place it online somewhere? Please? * Pout * It's already too late for me to see it. Damn. But, please? I wanna see!
482. kimmieindallas said:
Here in Texas you have to be careful when you set the pumpkins out. It could still be in the 80s and 90s and pumpkins just don't last long in that heat if they are carved (and some if not carved). The worst, though, has got to be the sneaky pumpkins. Those that LOOK to be just fine and dandy but when you go to pick them up they puke all over. My neighbor's front porch concrete is permanently stained of pumpkin puke because for two years in a row she has allowed them to secretly puke.
And, dooooooode! *wink* I am SOOO excited about the news event. I've already set my TIVO (oh my wonderful Tivo ... we NOW HAVE TWO!!) to record. Hmmm, now that I think about it, I think I'm off to set the second one to record the same thing LOL! Just in case!
Sweet!
483. Cristin said:
heh heh Jamie......
just enjoy your wine :)
484. Tracy said:
Okay guys, help me out. When is ABC World News on? Is it on cable? I'm looking at my local listings and I'm stumped. DAMN YOU, TV, YOU'VE WON AGAIN! *shaking fist*
485. Molly said:
Tracy.. in like 8 minutes.. on ABC..
486. JuJuBee said:
You? Totally TiVoed.
487. solo said:
I can't help but think of the beautiful revenge you're getting on your formal evil boss... first the NY Times, now ABC World News. Goddamn, she's probably pissed. Love the dork post.
488. Starla Dear said:
Katie-be-bored-at-work,
As someone who loves Sixteen Candles so much I have the damn thing memorized to the chagrin of my husband, the sounds Dong is making is the car splashing into a lake, not blowing up, because then he laughs hysterically and says, "Lake. Big lake!" :)
All these posts reminds me when the brother Mike says to Samantha, "You think you have it bad? I have to sleep under some Chinaman named after a duck's dork!"
489. kelc_in_OZ said:
Wahoo!
I just realised that it's on cable here too!!!
YAY Dooce!
490. Samantha K. said:
I just saw Dooce! Not the story, but her typing! That is so neat!
491. Cathi said:
Heather is on the news... typing DORK for sure.
492. Anita said:
Just saw a picture of you in the "highlights!" I couldn't tell you were typing "dork!" You looked cool!!!
493. shlee said:
AUUUGGGGHHHHH I just saw the teaser on ABC. I am such a nerd that I'm tivoing this.
494. melissa said:
heather, you looked absolutely stunning on that little clip they just had!
495. andre said:
Creating a Tivo moment that will be replayed over and over again.
2004: Janet Jackson
2005: Heather Armstrong
496. Dang cold.. said:
I hate dick cheney
497. Cathi said:
damitol - and we have to suffer through a Shrub story first...
498. kelc_in_OZ said:
blah blah blah social security... Show us *MORE* Heather!
499. Dang cold.. said:
Ariel Sharon is a handsome devil....
500. jamie said:
Who else has been felt up by there grandma? I get it at seven.
501. Girl From Ipanema said:
OMG! ABC FREAKIN WORLD NEWS!!!! WOW!
502. Dang Cold... said:
Pope John II is a tough cookie...
503. Cathi said:
stupid catholic conditioning... here I am pondering what I could give up for lent... WHY??
504. Cathi said:
Jamie - never felt up, but she did sneak some whiskey into my chile con queso once.
505. Dang Cold... said:
I seen her!! I seen her!!
506. kelc_in_OZ said:
Dang Cold... either your psychic or there is a little delay over here in OZ
507. Samantha K. said:
Did anyone else think they were just now going to actually show her typing "dork" over and over?
508. melissa said:
oh stupid commercials!!!
509. Jodi who blogs said:
"BE YE NOT SO STUPID"
They made it look like you were typing that not Dork! he he he
510. Dang Cold.. said:
I saw BE YE NOT STUPID but no dork...
511. Amanda B. said:
I wonder if Peter Jennings is wearing pants...
512. Dang Cold... said:
full dose of aspirin y'all
513. Cathi said:
You're seeing something? I've got a woolmort commercial.
514. jamie said:
mmmmmmmmmmmmm.........cheese.
515. Dang cold.. said:
mmm...poor hewlett packard lady..
516. RazDreams said:
I just saw your RING on the preview, oh, and now it's back on, gotta go!!! Wooohooo!!!
517. kris said:
Ha ha ha, Heather, when they said "One of the nation's most powerful businesswomen, forced from her job" were you all "Aw yeah, that's righ- oh wait, the HP chick."
518. preciousflower said:
OH MY GOURD!
519. Michelle Brady said:
The news is about to come on! Yaaaay!
520. Cathi said:
preciousflower? Quick story- I had a sixth grader when I was teaching. Big girl and bully. Conference with her mother - she couldn't believe her daughter was a bully. Referred to her as her precious flower. We had to bite our tongues to keep from laughing. That's NOT YOU, is it?
521. Libraryhill said:
Damn the commercials!!! COME ON!!
522. RazDreams said:
ooooooooo, i just saw the NERD WATCH and your computer! i'm such a dork. RUFF!!!
523. Dang Cold.. said:
oh my walmart closing a store in Canada. Heaven forfend!!
524. Amanda B. said:
Levitra- a safe 3hr erection guaranteed.
side effects- headache, runny nose, penile dysfunction, fever, dizziness...
525. jennk said:
omg!!! you're on!
526. preciousflower said:
Nope not me. But I am a big girl now, and still a preciousflower
527. Dang Cold... said:
HOT DANG!!!!!!!!!!
528. Michelle Brady said:
Dooce is real! Dooce is real!
529. melissa said:
DOOCE! you sound like madonna!!
rock on with your bad self!!
530. Jodi who blogs said:
Wooohoooo! Dooce sighting! You looked awesome!
531. Dang cold.. said:
enough poindexter...more heather!!
532. Libraryhill said:
?
533. Cathi said:
1. Heather Armstrong vs. Heather B. Armstrong.
2. They didn't make you sound stupid at all. Ken made himself sound stupid.
3. Kudos for getting Leta on there, WITH HER FROG.
534. moose said:
Poop. This is just like the elections when the results start pouring in from the East before those of us in the West have even had a chance to vote.
535. JenE said:
It was Heather!!! Leta!!! Yeah!!!
536. Dang cold... said:
just a hint of southern in that voice...just a hint...I'm lovin' it..
537. laura said:
so where's YOUR 6 figure book deal?
538. RazDreams said:
i saw heather, i saw leta, they're famous. hope you tivo'd it, dooce!!! :-) (gotta go to CHURCH now!!!)
539. Suzy said:
That kind of sucked. Broadcast journalism is not the place to go for in-depth information, eh?
540. Martha said:
awww! Heather I just saw you on TV! You're such a cutie pie!
541. kelc_in_OZ said:
That was awesome Heather. You looked great!
542. Torrie said:
Dooce, you did a great job. You looked very pretty. Take a deep breath.
543. mamakin said:
DOOCE YOU ROCK! I made myself watch the nightly news just to see you :) You represent! Gowonwitcherbadself
544. jamie said:
who else wants mcdonalds?
545. Gia said:
FABULOUS JOB Heather! My you are photogenic! And so cool to see Leta.
And ya - where IS your book deal??!!
546. trisha said:
You did look great, Heather!
547. Cathi said:
All 40,000 of your current readership and then some are coming to your site RIGHT NOW. It took me 10 minutes to refresh.
548. Amanda B. said:
Good job Heather, with your sassy hair flip. Leta-rockin' it.
Hahahahaha. And NOW they are talking about MONKIES!
Mr. Kmart was f'ing awesome.
549. diane said:
You did look totally awesome, Heather. But...does it weird you out at all that so many people were watching World News Tonight just to see you? Will celebrity change you, or will you be the same Dooce ala George! ?
550. Dang Cold... said:
sight was unreachable for a minute. figured dooce.com was being swamped and I was like "already". I've been hangiong out here for a few weeks now. My wife saw you for the first time and said "she's gorgeous". She then turns to me and says "you're an asshole"...LMAO
551. cathy milw said:
Really cute clip of Heather, but why'd they spend so much time on the Kmart guy, sitting in front of his mom's butt-ugly couch?
And they didn't even use the word, "Dooced!" What were they thinking?
552. Creepy Susie said:
too short!! time that is!
my husband walked in the room and i was like "look its
Leta!" he laughed and shook his head ... Hi, I'm
Susie and i'm a dooceaholic
would love to have book by dooce!
553. Dang Cold..the asshole... said:
My wife says I"m only allowed to visit this sight so long as I have my name as:
Dang Cold...the asshole...
554. ashik said:
Did no one at all notice that LEMURS were also on the show. MONKEYS WERE MENTIONED ALSO. HOW DID ABC KNOW?
555. jamie said:
Happy lunar new year!!! Dam rooster, who gives a shit about the H.P. chick. Am I the only one still waiting for the dork, dork, dork?
556. Melissa R. said:
I totally loved the KMart guy. Now he was the dork. Not you Heather.
557. Dang cold...leave me alone wife... said:
Years of constipation and then shitting on national television? that would have been cruelty in its naked, purest form!!
558. Molly said:
Great job! However, I think they shorted your air time.. we need more dooce!
559. Marie said:
Dooce,
That was so surreal seeing you on the newscast that I watch EVERY night (yes, I'm a DORK!)! I know that you don't consider Texans "southern", but I can still spot a southern accent when I hear one. The K-mart dipshit's accent was WAAAY more southern than yours. And I agree with the other commenters--not enough Dooce, and WTF was up w/ not mentioning the verb "Dooced?"
560. closet metro said:
Hey ABC, more Heather (and Leta too) and less KMart dude.
561. Dang cold... said:
Now now. lay off kmart dude. just because I called him poindexter up above doesn't mean we shouldn't feel bad for him :P
562. Relentless Christian Amber said:
I agree, that kmart guy was quite the dork.
I looked to see if I could see you typing your dork post, but no success.
How exciting! And Leta! They should have shown more of her!
563. LetterB said:
Fabulous.
FYI washingtonienne got her 6-figure book deal by detailing all the anal sex she was having with elected officials and/or their staff. Silly what one has to do these days to attract publishing houses.
564. Creepy Susie said:
kmart dude is to Napoleon Dynamite, what Dooce is to Coolness!!
ohmigod! do you know who you are? can i have an autograph?
565. JessicaRabbit said:
That was worth the stink eye I am getting from my kids for making them turn off the xbox to watch, I too am dissapointed that they didnt use the Dooced term. At least they did not chop up your comments and make you look silly. You have excellent cheekbones I might add.
566. Katie_be_bored_at_work said:
The footage was awesome, and it was definitely neat to see you and hear you talking! I have been a fan of the site for a little while now, and you definitely speak as eloquently as you write. I was just waiting for you to blurt out the f-word, or something, but of course they would have censored that. What really chapped my ass was the fact that they spent so much damn time with that mentally challenged K-mart employee. Here you are, speaking eloquently, saying "I didn't give away any trade secrets", and he is all "duh, uh, I din't mean ta-do any-ting wrong. Geez." I wanted to smack that guy. And what, was he living in some sort of basement, or something? I am glad that you got air time, but they should have ended with your face and words. That dude made bloggers look weird.
BTW, Leta was PRECIOUS!
567. Relentless Christian Amber said:
Dang Cold,
That would be cruely ironic. Thank goodness it didn't happen that way!
568. Carole said:
Good job, Heather ... you looked and sounded great. It's so hard NOT to be a super self-conscious, blubbering mess when you're in a situation like that. You were calm, cool and interesting. How neat to see Leta, too!
569. Dang Cold.. said:
LetterB..let me be the first to say "Ay Caramba"
570. zedgirl said:
dooce you rock! and leta was an awesome wingwoman.
been reading for two years and always wonder...what was the name of the company that fired you?
571. moose said:
Dooce, you da verb, you da verb!
572. Carol said:
Ha!! Awesome!! You looked great. That was really fun to watch. Except, uh, not about you getting fired or anything. : )
573. tIffany said:
Heather you were great. :-)
I want you to know that I didn't break my year long vow of no-TV for American Idol but I broke it for you.
And! I even paused the movie that my sick 2-year-old was in the middle of watching. He started whining, "Where that dog went? Mama! My movie just turned off!"
And I was all "Shhh just a second sweetie, I'm trying to hear what the lady is saying."
Then he hugged me and called me cute and fat.
In conclusion, you were great. :-D
574. Aliesha said:
You looked great on TV!
575. jamie said:
FINALLY!!! I waited all that time and it was entirely too short! Props to the frog, where was chuck? You ladies look fab! Now it's time to save the lemurs.
576. Carol said:
Wait? How could people see it before the east coast? Hmmmm....???
577. Graygirl said:
I'm so jealous, no Tivo, stuck here at work till 5 (west coast) and won't get home in time to see it. Hope someone will have it posted on the 'net for all of us loser dorks to see!
578. Dang Cold... said:
Yeah!! what carol said?? That ain't right..
579. redsaid said:
Yo, Dooce! May I just ask: exactly how skinny ARE you? I mean, if it's true that the camera makes you look several pounds heavier.
Damn. It's not fair that you are witty, clever, pretty, famous AND skinny.
Oh, and tell Leta she ain't so bad herself. But also, tell her she should quit making front pages and prime time tv so long before her second birthday. At this rate, she's going to use up her 15 minutes before she's three!
Well, done. We're proud of you!
580. JessicaRabbit said:
On the abc news website, they actually name her site and mention the term Dooced in connection with her, but they only have photos up of that girl that got fired for writing sex stuff in D.C.
581. Lisa said:
Nice interview, what a loser reporter, missing out on the chance to explain "dooced." I thought you sounded like Madonna. National tv, national radio, national paper. Girl you have arrived. You looked and sounded great, so did the baby, so did the house. I sleep easier at night knowing that Kmart's secrets are safe. I was worried about those Blue Light specials...
582. Gooooder said:
Yay!
583. Em said:
Great to see you, Heather! I thought you looked great and sounded like you were from Utah. Which you are. So, good for you! Also, Leta looked great. You and Leta were on the news! How exciting!!
I feel psychic since I turned to it RIGHT as your story came on. Go, me!
584. Marie said:
I forgot to comment on Miss Leta. How cute is SHE??? In "real-life", her hair looks even longer and more red than it does on your website. She is absolutely adorable!!
And I still maintain that the K-mart dude was a total tard. Why in the hell did he merit more airtime than DOOCE?? WTF???
585. Wicked H said:
Props to Dooce and Frog Princess - you both looked great. Additional props to Jon for keeping you calm. While I am at it, props to Chuck also - for being the former Congressman.
Great job!
586. Ninotchka said:
I watched with my family. Way to go Heather! You looked great and were very well-spoken. I laughed out loud at the Kmart guy, though. He looked so beaten down. I thought: OH NO! Heather is grouped with that? My husband thought I was way too invested in the whole thing. But it was just too funny after seeing beautiful you to see him. Poor dude.
587. Kaiasmom said:
I MISSED it!! That's what I get for not having the chance to check out the blogs all day. Does anyone out there have a copy or a link so I can see it???
588. Dang Cold.. said:
Of course, you all realized that haters are going to come on this sight and make us all bend over and say 'I missed you, daddy' for raking Kmart dude over the coals?!?!?
589. kimmieindallas said:
LOL! I was laying in bed nursing my daughter and watching ABC World News Tonight. Hubby walked in. Gave me an odd look. He changed his clothes, snuggled up next to us and we watched the HP chick's segment. Then. Then. Then dooce came on and hubby said "so THAT'S why you are watching the news! Dooce is on." LOL! "Hey, I watch the news, just not at night." really. I do.
590. kimmieindallas said:
oh, yea, and you looked and SOUNDED awesome. And I'm a connosoir of southern accents. You actually have some eastern tones in there too :)
skinny *itch
j/k
591. Marcia said:
wow! Leta in the NY Times and on ABC news in the span of just a couple of weeks. What's next?
592. Marie said:
Unfortunately, Dang Cold, you're probably right....*sigh*
593. Stacey said:
Washingtonienne - anal sex with elected officials?
Chuck - congressman?
AHHH! Two worlds colliding!
594. Cindy (in CT) said:
Congratulations Heather! I missed seeing you on the news, but there's an article on the ABC News website:
http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/Business/story?id=485895&page=1
595. Amanda B. said:
Wait. That lady got six figures for talking about her hoohoo?
Ummm...have I mentioned my hoohoo lately??
596. Ronda said:
Stacey: yuck! haha..
Heather: you looked awesome, and I loved seeing cutie pie Leta as well.
597. chickenHead said:
Hey, is there a way we can see the ABC segment if we missed it?
598. Dang Cold.. said:
Marie..
As I mentioned a while ago (or above ago) I'm polishing my "suck it" gun. If they love him so much they can go to his blog and straddle him for all I care. Goodness was that too blunt???
599. Big Gay Sam said:
yay! Shannon and I just watched the segment about you on ABC. (I violated my own ban on ABC to watch you) How's that for support? :op
600. Cristin said:
no, Amanda, you haven't, but we all heard about your monkey desires
;-P