The Pimp and his friend Iccas
That's Roger on the left. He dressed up as Issac, the bartender from "The Love Boat," and because no one could tell who he was he put a name tag on his shirt that said, "Hello, I'm Issac." I was drinking gin all night, and gin, well, it was the gin's fault that I swear to god his name tag said, "Iccas." And I called him that all night.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
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1. renee said:
wow. no comments yet. i'm sure that's not really true. love the site Dooce!
2. e said:
Iccas is a good name - save it for the next baby in case it's a boy! haha
3. Human Writes said:
"Yo, where's my bitches at?"
4. Sarah In Alaska said:
He looks like an Iccas to me, gin or no gin.
5. jastereo said:
so who's the pimp?
6. Erika said:
As always, thank you for your candor, Dooce. I one battled a real eating disorder for about 4 months, when I was severely depressed and could not eat. When I did eat nothing would stay in my body. This all came about because I thought that if I lost enough weight my fiance' would come back to me. Luckily he did not come back, I started to eat again once I looked like I might break in half, and now I am very normal and happy. Self image is a killer.
7. Liz said:
Don't you remember the old testament story of Iccas and the ark of devotion?
8. Becca said:
Who's the pimp?
9. Angie said:
Ah, 'drunken dyslexia'! Whilst better than 'drunken tourettes', will both make for a very special evening.
10. amber said:
You're just not having fun if you can still use phonetics appropriately.
11. Mir said:
Well, the bartender's name is Isaac, so it's really Roger's fault for spelling it wrong.
12. Suzy said:
Who's that with him? Guido the killer pimp?
13. Chris From Ohio said:
It bothers me that I know this. Ted Lange was the actor's name who played the bartender from "The Love Boat."
14. stella said:
I love it, Issac from the love boat! what a great idea.
15. Michael said:
For what it's worth --
Children who grow up in rigid, inflexible families exercise control in two ways: what they eat and when they shit. I suspect the chronic constipation that you have written about before is another facet of the same eating disorder, only now it's become a habit rather than a control method.
Cymbalta! Klonopin! Good drugs! Use every day...ooooooo...sweet.
16. D said:
Dude, I wanna sit on his mustache.
17. TracyDee said:
Now that you mentioned it.. he does look like Issac.... but who's the pimp?
18. Heather said:
'cause I'm a cowboy, baby!
tell me that is not supposed to be Kid Rock schmoozing it up with Iccas, the evil twin of Isaac the Bartender...
19. dooce said:
the pimp is Bill. Bill the Pimp.
20. Em said:
The pimp is cracking me up. Awesome.
21. JuJuBee said:
I think I knew someone they called, "Bill the Pimp", but that was a blurry time, so maybe not.
22. kim said:
I'd call him Iccas too. From now on.
Hey, can I use this blog to unashamedly promote a comic that I really like that is at risk of ending? He has quit the mainstream media, pulled out from the "syndicate" and is looking to start a new way of reading comic strips. Online by membership. I've joined (risk free). Would it be ok to post that address here? He was really popular and quit a couple of months ago. FUNNNY!
23. stomach ache in cali.. said:
i love the pimp's get-up. i was that guy last year, and i think from now on i will always be that guy.
sidenote: buffalo wings - i just had to have some last night. there is a restuarant near us called Original Buffalo Wings - im not sure if they are necessarily original, but they are really. fucking.good. so i ordered up a dozen, which come as a baker's dozen, thinking i would only eat like 8 or 9 of them. fat chance. polished off the entire lot, plus the blue cheese and celery they pack with em.
sidenote: my stomach hurts this morning..really.fucking.bad.
-stomache
24. wealhtheow said:
Dooce, your courage is just amazing. I'd bet there are a lot more women out there than anyone suspects who are overly conscious of everything they put into their mouths. I'm fine when I'm on my own, but when I eat with others I'm constantly monitoring to make sure I'm not eating more than everyone else at the table, or eating faster than everyone else at the table, or enjoying the tasty fattening things more than anyone else at the table.
25. the mighty jimbo said:
but did he do that hip, finger pointing thing all night? cause you know that's cool.
i think the best i could pull off would be a mean captain stewbing.
damn, genetics suck.
26. Catalina said:
Thanks Dooce. I have struggled with the same disorder since I was 15 years old. Your courage has given me strength just when I needed it.
27. shy said:
the pimp reminds me of my husband on his stag night. the boys kidnapped him and forced him to dress up as a pimp all night long. they were seriously disappointed that he was enjoying it instead of being embarassed.
28. kEma said:
Ohh, wonderful haircut! I've always told my hairdresser I want the same but he is never able to make it right.. hehe I swear ;)
29. Kathy said:
Heather....you mentioned exercising. I found spin biking about 6 months ago and wow, what a great feeling when done, I'm hooked on it. Try it sometime if you want a hard workout. Love your website.
30. JLC said:
I had an eating disorder from my late teens into my mid twenties and still find it hard not to obsess about my body and what I'm putting into my mouth. Thanks for sharing your story. It's the last thing I would want for my (future) daughter, too.
31. Gordon said:
I was looking at the box one clicks on for the picture of the day and was trying to figure out what a bunch of zebra stripes was going to turn out to be.
32. Danika said:
Amusing site.... http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.mv
33. Sue From Ohio said:
I thought 'Iccas' was impersonating a really permed Mickey Rourke
Did Bill the Pimp have a 'Ho' to go along with?
34. Colleen said:
1.I like Iccas' love patch.
2. I have to get Buffalo wings right now at the Costco because of all the chatter.
3. Depression (and all its crummy manifestations like anorexia) is such a horrible jail for so many. Dooce and other people who find the courage to be candid about their private hell really help others and also help to crack the stigma by getting it out there.
4. Religion can be bizarre. The Orthodox Jewish family that lives across the street from us had to knock on a bunch of doors last Friday to find someone to turn up their heat. They are not allowed to do that kind of thing on their Sabbath. They have an infant and a toddler.
35. Mari said:
When I first moved to SLC as a kid, the Mormon girl who lived next door asked me to call another neighbor girl a "bitch" and a "slut" because it was against her religion to use such language. Sadly, I did it.
36. Big Gay Sam said:
sheesh.. you Utah mormons. *rolling eyes*
hehe
37. Kelli said:
My mormon grandmother (Dad's side) is a caterer, and whenever she was catering for non-mormon clients (rarely!), they would often request sweet tea as a beverage, as we do live in North Carolina. So my grandmother would call my mom to make the tea, b/c in my non-mormon upbringing, we lived on sweet (iced) tea, and even if my grandmother had been up to making it, she couldn't have known how much sugar to add, etc., b/c she couldn't taste test. I could never understand the whole mormon-no-tea-or-coffee thing, or why that side of my family had an unhealthy obsession with Postum. Y'all do know about Postum, don't you?
On a more serious note, dooce, once again, you amaze me with your bravery. I battle depression every day, and lately it's been easier, but never knowing when it's going to rear its ugly head again is its own kind of personal hell.
38. Aimee said:
Mari - OMG that's hilarious. (Can I say OMG when discussing mormons wanting to call someone a slut? hmm...)
39. Mo said:
I think there was an Iccas on that Nickelodian show "AAAAAAH! Real Monsters." Remember that show?
I do.
:-D
40. Christine said:
"Mir said at 07:56AM, 11.09.2004:
Well, the bartender’s name is Isaac, so it’s really Roger’s fault for spelling it wrong."
Yeahhhhh.. so technically his messed up name is Icaas! :D
By the way, please tell me that you are currently in therapy for this Post-Mormonism crap. NO ONE should walk around with that much guilt in their head.
41. Chanelbaby said:
Hey Dooce, I don't know if this strong belief of mine will comfort you but here it is: Leta will never have to go through the same hell you did because you and Jon are GOOD parents, you love her and she knows it. Self esteem, true self esteem, is the key. Rock on, Dooce mama.
42. Isn't it ironic said:
Less than six degrees of separation between the Halloween party naming convention and the post on eating and control...
"Iccus of Taranto was a famous athlete living in the V century B.C. and participating in Olympic competitions, of which was a winner in the LXXXVII games. He was quoted by Plato for the accuracy in the preparation of his athletic body: before competitions he avoided sexual relationships and took a lot of care to diet, so that he is considered the founder of athletic dietology. His thought was influenced by pytagoreans, mainly by Alcmaeon of Crotone: for this he taught the importance of the harmony of body and mind, the *frugality in eating, the self control*. An appropriate but frugal diet for athletes was known as meal of Iccus and used before races."
43. krissy pants said:
hhhmmmmm....these Mormon traditions never cease to amaze and astound me. Having grown up Catholic in a very small town in South Dakota, I thought Lutheran was the only other denomination until I was about twelve.
Also, we sang a communion song called “One Bread, One Body†which had the phrase “Gentile or Jewâ€, but I thought it was “Gentle or Jewâ€â€¦I couldn’t figure out what a Jew was or why they weren’t Gentle.
One more thing…a guy at work told me that Mormons aren’t allowed to vote. Is this true?
44. Mari said:
Yes, Mormons can vote. In fact, sometimes the Mormon church even tells them what to vote for!
45. Moxie said:
*Cue Baretta Theme music*....Zebra Guy looks like Rooster the Pimp. Now I can't get the song outta my head! Don't doooo the criiiiiime if you can't do the tiiiiiiime...
46. kim said:
you're great, heather. and i'm not kissing anything here, just telling the truth. you're just great!
47. mihow said:
Finally, my answer to the Coke/Mormon conundrum.
48. Sheryl said:
So that's why Mormons can do Coke!
I always wondered about that...
My cousin married a Mormon girl who decided to go non-Mormon and leave his lazy butt after 7 years of cooking, baking, cleaning up after him 24/7. She had a period of what I would call over-correction, like when you are trying to get out of s skid. During that over-correction she started doing Coke, but then the pendulum came back to middle.
Now she's a well-adjusted feminist.
49. Aimee said:
Krissy pants - your comment inspires a movie quote...
"sometimes the communal wine prove too tempting for some of them. That's why we lutherans use grape koolaid for the blood of christ"
50. Paula said:
The Pimp is kinda hot, but Iccas is scary. Must be the mustache.
51. jm said:
Did the pimp have to order his costume through the mail? Are they allowed to sell such garments in Utah?
(btw, Dooce, you were a topic of conversation last night in our house. My husband was trying to cheer me up after a less than stellar day. He managed to make me laugh a little bit. without thinking, I reached for the laptop and said, "I REALLY need a laugh. What is Dooce up to?" He protested,"Dooce? I'm trying to make you laugh right HERE! Is this going to become a three way with Dooce?" He was then immediately mortified because...well... Pastor's Kid. That made me laugh more than anything combined. But I am a mean, repressed, recovering Catholic. :)
52. Kristina said:
I remember Ahhh! Real Monsters!! In fact, it was on digital cable the other day.
I grew up Catholic, but I honestly never understood what the hell was going on in church. All I knew was that I was bored and the guy in the front talked too much. (I'm a pagan now.)
Dooce, we love you. You are so strong.
53. Jess said:
No coffee or tea?! For the love of Pete, that's some cruel religion. So I guess only sinners go to Starbucks in Utah.
Anyhoosie. Ever since your post about wings I have been totally hankering for some. I'm goin' to Costco.
54. Fran said:
As a Catholic, I apologize for the little girl's switcheroo with the tea/coke. Talk about the stain of sin. Tea stains are hard to remove but if you use club soda, you do stand a half decent chance of removing it.
55. Laura said:
Agreed, your candor is always interesting. I've noticed in reading your posts and archives over the past months that you seem to have a body image (and others' bodies) quirk that you may want to look into before Leta is old enough to pick up on it or if god forbid she somehow becomes a non-twiggy kid/teen/adult, (i.e. clearly valuing the very skinny body, stating that certain thin actresses have a "huge ass", etc.)
56. Aimee said:
wait! Are there starbucks in Utah?!
57. buckmulligan said:
It's the Jehovahs Witnesses that don't vote, not the Mormons. And I think it's a bit facile to blame a religion itself for the ways that the religion is distorted or appropriated by an oppressive culture to a harmful effect (whether eating disorders or terrorism). We need to change the culture in these cases, not denigrate the religion (no matter how misguided we think it). Sorry for the preaching.
58. Melanie S said:
Grrrr! He's sexy.
Okay, now that I have seen numerous people post up poo related topics, I have to know something. Dooce, have you ever had a colonic to help you with your issues? They help me with my issues and also help eliminate my lovely migraines. Just thought I'd ask.
59. maryse said:
thanks heather...now you make us catholics look like a bunch of evil-doers, bringing a poor, defenseless mormon girl down the path of hell and damnation. "drink my pretty .... drink..."
60. Shiz said:
So many beautiful posts to read lately. Coming to dooce.com makes me feel good. Thanks, Heather.
61. CDNRXBY said:
I can't believe people dress like that! :-) LMAO
J in TO
62. DM said:
Dooce, I have to tell you, it's a pleasure to read you. You amaze me with your strength daily and I think you're great. I've struggled with my weight since I was in 4th grade so it is always interesting to hear from someone from the other side of the weight issue. Isn't it sad that we spend all this time worrying about self-image and not realizing that it has a huge part to do with depression? Anyway, thanks for being a great inspiration and an extremely funny person.
Oh, thought of you today when a shareholder called and said "I'm from Utah. The Mormon state." I don't know why I thought that was so amusing but I did.
63. Erin said:
Your tea story reminded me of a childhood trama. The National Enquirer(sp) had an article about a boy whom had BEEN to hell. He returned and told his story to the nice people at the NE. In the report he outlined how he was taught rhymes like (and it still makes me shiver), 'Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, I spit them out and they are gone'. I was CERTAIN that I was going to go to hell each time I thought of this rhyme. Sitting in Mass or just out playing it would cross my mind and I would be near tears with the concern that I would be damned to hell for having the gall to think such a horrible thing.
I also got over it.
64. Heather said:
I remember when I visited BYU for some youth conference thingie back in 1989 that they only had caffeine free diet Coke in the dining hall. I just found that (among many other things I saw) really damn funny, and I had caffeine withdrawal that entire week.
Thanks for your candor, Heather! It's refreshing to read.
65. DG said:
Incidentally...
Hot drinks are said to increase intestinal peristalsis... leading to much poopage.
66. Jessica Raab said:
Did a little internet searching and:
There are 30 Starbucks in Utah and 123 Starbucks in Massachusetts! Wow.
(Massachusetts has over twice as many people, and far more sinners.)
67. popsicle said:
holy moly guacamole! there are 1,521 locations in california. talk about things NOT. in moderation, we should talk starbuck's. good golly. that's absurd. californian's are addicted to caffeine and starbuck's is addicted to monopoly. greedy bastards.
68. Melanie S said:
Surely the coffee makes you doodle. Ha!
Dooce, I was looking at the old picture posts and saw the one that Jon took of you checking your favorite blogs while you were standing in the Mac store. I'd love to know who's you read. I'm always looking for new ones, but they don't compare to the Dooce!
69. Cristy said:
I watched that show last year when they first aired it AND saw the one last night. She's changed ALOT. I've never been in that position myself, but can emphathize. I was glad to see she was still alive. Good job for overcoming your issues. :)
70. DeAnn said:
That's quite possibly the funniest picture I've seen of this Halloween!
71. Human Writes said:
Coffee makes my colon go batshit. By that I mean that it makes me go people shit, not bat shit.
72. George Lover said:
And the sunglasses on "The Pimp" could easily work next year if he decided to go as the fly.
73. Sheryl said:
In my experience, while taking anti-depressants especially (and you almost have* to drink coffee if your meds are the kind that make you sleepy), coffee significantly dehydrates the lower digestive tract and causes constipation to worsen.
In order to counteract this, I have to drink only one cup of coffee a day and drink one gallon of water.
74. sarah said:
please, please look at this most hilarious site dear dooce. i think you will love it.
http://www.fuckthesouth.com/
(*note: i have many friends from the south. this is in no way meant as a stab to southerners. it is simply good old humor at the expense of the "red states")
75. el said:
It's I S A A C.
geez
76. Kimberley H. said:
what's weird is that I hear caffeine is a laxative.
Hm..
Check me out please, fellow readers of Dooce and DJ Blurb: (although I am totally near their league since I just started)
http://misskimberley.blogspot.com
77. kim said:
Well, since no one said "no" I'm gonna post this link.
www.thenorm.com
the strips that are available right now are archives. If he gets enough people to join then he'll start drawing again. His humor is awesome! Check it out. I think that if just 25% of dooce's visitors joined him at $25 for an annual subscription (no risk) then he'd be at his goal.
Check him out!!
78. curiouskiwi said:
Jessica Raab said at 02:32PM, 11.09.2004:
There are 30 Starbucks in Utah and 123 Starbucks in Massachusetts! Wow.
But, Massachusetts has a Mormon governor. Go figure.
79. IHateToast said:
i don't understand why caffeine would be a sin. i don't drink it much, because it's just not healthy and is a diuretic (not the same as a laxative, but a dehydrator nonetheless), but i do treat myself to a good burpfest a la coke every weekend. still, why is it a sin? and it's not burping, because the mormons aren't banning cokes. so.... how is it a sin? i don't get it. valerian tea should be a sin, as it's nucking fasty and must be a product of satan's minions. tinned meat should be a sin. and anything that makes you gassy should be a sin.... that way, if you toot, instead of being embarrassed, you could feel prous as a sort of in-your-religious-face badass sort of way.
so someone tell my why coffee and tea are sins?
and why is it isaac? or aaron? or lloyd? does it change the pronunciation if i write isac, aron or loyd? and why isn't it flloyd? i'm chaning my name to kkaty, but i'll tell people it's pronounced cosmic kitten.
80. Sheryl said:
But Massachusetts also has 704 Dunkin' Donuts franchises. Don't forget that!
81. MapleLeaf said:
I have always wondered, among the many wonders of the world, where do pimps shop? Where does one find a purple jacket trimmed with Zebra? Does a pimp get up one morning and after checking on the bitches scribble notes on what to do today, casually noting a required trip to Pimps-R-Us?
82. Human Writes said:
They sell that pimp gear at Target, over near where they stock the Magnum condoms and the Yoohoo.
83. diana said:
About tea: I had a similar experience when I was at a Chinese restaurant with my best friend and her mom when I was about 13. Somehow, I'm not sure how, they convinced me to drink the tea. I only took a sip, to see what it tasted like, I felt guilty for weeks. Not just because I'd tasted hot tea... but because I'd liked it.
84. Colleen said:
Sarah, great website!!!
85. Molly said:
Great picture!! I love Halloween, a friend of mine went to a Pimps up ho's down party on halloween.. she was dressed as your typical "crack-Ho" ah.. the good times...
86. Molly said:
yes, Sarah.. that site made me LOL... thanks!
87. Super Turtle Girl said:
This reminds my mom of all the mormons in her school and she wonders what happened to them all...did they turn out like Heather? Not that that's not cool. But she especially remembers one really, really smart girl named Karen. She used to explain all the mormon rules to my mom and my mom would always say "but why?" And somehow Karen actually had an answer of some kind...but she does remember trying to think about how you could get off on a technicality.
88. Sophie said:
I've been Mormon my entire life (32 years now) and I've never been told by anyone at church who or what I should vote for. We are, however, strongly encouraged before every election to learn about the issues and candidates and to make sure we vote. Before last week's election our Bishop told the whole congregation to study the issues and "vote the way your conscience compels you to."
I've read more wacky, untrue things about Mormons in the comments on this site than I've heard in the rest of my life combined!
89. Sheryl said:
Sophie,
Maybe you've read things on this site that you didn't experience...keep in mind there is a vast array of human/Mormon experiences you may not be aware of or or that you may not be naturally "tuned" to notice.
Many flavors of human experience. A cool thing about the truth. And to quote Heather: *There are several sides to every story.*
All facets, even your post, have a place in the overall shared story.
90. anne said:
'dooced' is in december's Wired jargon section. i felt good because i knew who heather b armstrong was.
91. Cristina said:
Heather--Papa Johns is selling wings now! I thought you would appreciate their jingle "it dont mean a thing if you aint got that wing"
92. rob said:
Oh my GOD, DOOCED is in WIRED MAGAZINE, I FEEL SO SPECIAL! And I AM COMMENT NUMBER 92! YAY!
93. wooo said:
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/12.11/start.html?pg=7
Dooced
Losing your job over something you wrote online. Named after Dooce.com, a blog run by Web developer Heather Armstrong. Armstrong got canned after anonymous critiques of her coworkers were linked to her.
94. Kano said:
The thing I don't understand about uhhhh hmmmm being religious is this. How can anyone that has a lot of cursing and otherwise trashy comments on a website....even think about the worries of going to Hell for drinking something with caffeine in it?
95. patti said:
Wow. #1 reason why I will NEVER go Mormon. Can't be without my Chai and Green Tea!
96. Stacy said:
Kano,
Chill, it is a joke. She's not worried about her caffeine comsumption at the age of eight. After all, she does bloodthirsty shit like carry a one socked baby around. She obviously has bigger sins to worry about.
97. Michelle said:
I went to a stamp workshop last night, where I met a sweet lady named Martha who'd just returned from visiting her Air Force son and his family in Utah. I asked her how beautiful it was, and she replied, "Utah is gorgeous. I'd move there if there wasn't so many damn Mormons!" *snerk*
I know that when I condemn any part of my upbringing, my mother takes it really personally. I was thinking as I read your post about depression and eating disorder, what your mom thinks about it. I have huge respect for you and for your candor, and I hope that your mom understands your reasons for getting it out.
And now I, too, must eat chicken wings. For breakfast. With a pimp and a afro'd bartender.