Let us rejoice and be glad
Dave, Beth’s husband who always ends up with half of his meal on his face and who owned half cow print, half acid wash shorts in college, took this photo of Leta and me doing a Hava Nagila dance in front of the truck I had parked in front of their crazy neighbor's house. You can't see it from the perspective of this picture, but those neighbors had taped hand-made signs to the trees in front of their house that said, "DO NOT PARK HERE." Now, come on. That's 1) illegal and 2) just plain ornery. And the best way to fight ornery is with ornery.
So I parked RIGHT THERE in front of their trees and celebrated my defiance with a little jig.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Stephen McKenna said:
This hair situation MUST to be addressed pronto. It looks like you have a receding hair line, mullet/rat tail disaster on your head and I just can't believe this can actually be true.
Unbelievably sexxy legs and shoes though!
2. Em said:
Awesome. Jig of Defiance! You go.
3. Maz said:
C-R-A-Z-Y neighbors - wow! I'd be freaked out - good for you dancing the little jig!!!
4. megan said:
OMG, WEEVILS! I should have been invited to that tupperware party (so what if I live in CA and you don't know me?) because we have HAD weevils, and they are nasty, stubborn, fly-out-of-a-corner-after-you-think-you-got-them-all BASTARDS. Obvisouly, I need tupperware. And lots of it.
5. Karen Rani said:
OMG - from the thumbnail pic, I thought you were gonna show us a pic of a rooster....I love your shoes and I covet thy legs!!
Hugs,
Karen
6. Mo said:
we had neighbors like that once. the lady would actually run out of her house and yell "WHY-ARE-YOU-PARKING-THERE!!!??" To which we would answer carefully, while backing away slowly, "because i can...?"
its folks like that who give other crazy cat people a bad, crazy name.
7. Sonia said:
Damn, and I thought my legs were long! I mean... damn!
Don't those people know that "Do Not Park Here" translates to "Please Park Here Because I'm a Huge Asshole and Deserve To Be Annoyed"?
8. Sarah said:
Karen Rani....I am so glad you said that about the rooster! I totally though the same exact thing, and then thought I was just a freak.
Oh wait. I am a freak. Oh well!
Just glad I'm not a lonely freak.
.....
I am Jewish, by the way...I just said I'm not a 'good' Jew.
9. abc said:
How is it that crazy people always marry crazy people? They sound like they have Parnoid Personality Disorder and they FOUND EACH OTHER. Amazing. Beth should stick a telescope at her window. that would really freak em out.
10. Liz said:
Way to piss off the neighbors! Yay!
11. beachgal said:
I want to know more about those shoes! I'm trying to enlarge the picture, to get a better look, but it's not working!! Please...show a larger picture of the shoes!
12. Heather 2 said:
I would start visiting Beth more often, with the main purpose being to park in front of their tree. They're TOTALLY asking for it.
13. Paige said:
I think it's much more awesome to be LAST LAST OMG I'M LAST WOO HOO I was doing other things, then saw a post, and holy crap, I'M LAST!
P.S. I'd leave the truck there all friggin' night. Maybe even sleep in it. Then just wave to the crazy people when they look at you through the windows. Yep.
14. The Other Brian said:
Fighting ornery with ornery rocks!
15. jen said:
you go, girl :D
16. popsicle said:
a couple of important notes-
-i love the red shoes.
-since everyone else commented how long your legs are, i think i will comment on how much i like those jeans.
-beth's story is wacked. i would cover their signs with "Park Here Please" and see how long you can get away with it. 'shut your blinds' - sheesh - how about 'shut your mouth, mad crazy spooky cat loving neighbor, go crawl back in your hole'.
17. Drew said:
Heather, you are truly a lady after my own rebellious heart. If you shouldn't do it, then you must!
Those neighbors are FREAKY! I wouldn't be able to resist a little harrassment myself.
18. Regan said:
funky red shoes! the perfect shoes for ornery hava nagila dances. and ass-kicking in general ;)
19. Jenny said:
Look at those long legs - I wish! Lucky Leta - such good genes! My sister stole all the tall genes ... and I got the stumpy ones :(
20. elissa said:
wow, you sure are leggy. :)
21. Jessica Raab said:
I just read that whole scary neighbor story. Eek. I especially enjoyed the ironic twist of dedicating a whole page on the web to paranoid freaks who want their privacy.
On an unrelated note, I'm jealous that you can eat all those wings and still be a supermodel.
22. Marie said:
love that shit-eating grin on heather's face!!
and beth's story freaked me the fuck out....wtf?
23. Mo said:
HEY!!
This sidewalk is for REGULAR-WALKIN!!
NOT FUNNY-WALKIN!!
(fight the power!)
24. maura said:
what a scary neighbor....looks like you both have interesting *friends* next door! ha ha ha ha! i would do the EXACT same thing....what else do they expect with a home made illegal sign?
where can i get legs like that?
25. FrenchBenj said:
I thought you were a blonde these days. Is it the return of poopy red?
26. Brooke said:
YOu have some looong legs, lady.
27. pismire said:
Might as well teach the ornery jig to Leta while she's young.
28. krissy pants said:
While in college I attended a Sigma Alpha Mu fraternity formal, otherwise known as Sammies. The Sammies were a bunch of quirky, charming young Jewish men. And I was a naive little shiksa. It was here that I first danced the Hava Nagila. I was put in a cheap reception hall chair and the boys lifted me up above their heads dancing around, then dropped me on the portable, faux wood dance floor because they were so drunk.
Oh, where has my youth gone?
29. susu said:
Uhhhh... the hair? THE HAIR? What did you do to your HAIR?
30. Jenny said:
Did you scream IN YOUR FACE? I might have.
31. Becca said:
That made me laugh out loud. That'a great picture.
32. Human Writes said:
I AM Jewish and I know that's not the proper Hava Negila dance because you're hair's not on fire, you're fully clothed and there isn't a piece of gefilte fish in sight. Looks more like the Rockettes' One Singluar Sensation dance to me.
33. Heather 2 said:
OMG...those people are certifiably INSANE! (Just checked our your link to Beth's site...I would be scared, too!!)
34. Sondra said:
So jealous of the X-Terra. And it's silver! I have an old Pathfinder, which I love, because it's rugged and tough, unlike the more sissified Pathfinders they carry nowadays. Now the X-Terra is the badass SUV and I have a huge crush on them. I freak out and point whenever I see one on the road. Yes, I am that weird person.
Awesome Hava Nagila dance. My mom used to wake us up in the morning belting out that song at the top of her lungs. I grew to HATE that song, and any accompanying dance. The funny thing is, we weren't even jewish, but my mom loved that song.
35. e said:
haHA! that's awesome - way to be you fiesty armstrong girls, you!
36. Sarcastic Journalist said:
those are some long legs!
37. Liz said:
Pretty shoes, pretty baby.
38. Dee said:
I just have to say that I read the linked story and found it very freaky. What if these neighbors are asking people to stay away because they are really terrorists and are plotting something? or worse, making bombs?
Scary - I'd call the cops just in case
39. PoeticaL said:
Life is good when you have any reason to do a little gig with a baby in your arms. :-)
40. Heather 2 said:
Yay...I think I might be first!
41. Bruce said:
am i first?
42. Sarah said:
ok...omg, Dooce, you are SO Mormon. A Hava Nagila dance would look absolutely nothing like that.
It's okay. You're from Utah. I'll let it slide.
I'm no good Jew, but I know my Hava Nagila dance!
You do look adorable though, and three cheers for pissing off crazy neighbors.
43. ginger said:
Y'all are so cute.
44. Angie said:
That's a Monty Python 'funny walk' if ever I saw one!
I am sure that neighbourhood parking disputes will be the cause of the end of the world!
45. Sara said:
Geesh, woman! Those legs could reach China if you pointed them in the right direction! (I wish I was tall too.)
46. KS said:
Oh, number 6!
47. Ed Villas said:
What a beautiful figure of street ... hehe
48. KS said:
Or 8, whatever.
49. krissy pants said:
Okay Dooce...I cannot associate with someone who has such long and slender legs. You bitch!
50. Chris From Ohio said:
When I was five, our neighbors painted a line on the driveway to show my dad where he couldn't park. He always made sure to park half an inch across the wrong side of the line. START THE REVOLUTIOOOOON!
51. Alison said:
That grin is pure evil!
52. Stephanie said:
I agree! Ornery against ornery! It' so much more fun and stress relieving.
53. Fiona said:
Dude -- what is up with your hair? Is this during your "5 days without bathing" marathon? ;-)
54. Sarah said:
FIRST AGAIN!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
55. Michael said:
You look a bit like Uma Thurman in that photo. Anyone else see it?
56. Different Patrick said:
I had just finished reading all the comments from the previous picture and written a scathingly insightful comment on Nepil pots when, to my surprise, COMMENTING HAD BEEN TURNED OFF and now my Nepil pot comment is totally inappropriate.
w00t for civil disobedience!
57. Anne said:
I am very jealous of what I can only imagine must be a veritable echo chamber between dooce's skinny inner thighs.
Sign me,
Pregnant Lady with Thighs That Are Trying to Reach Out and Touch Someone, Namely Eachother
58. Sheryl said:
The classic battle for parking space. Just as long as you keep dancing with the baby and don't fall down. You did see Falling Down, right?
Redirected rebellion, frustration and rage can make us do crazy things, like the Hava Nagila dance on a public sidewalk. Or like *the crazed scribbling and posting of Newly Decreed Laws and Extended Parameters of This Separatist Neighbor's Personal (parking) Space* on public trees, no less.
It * is* a public street, public trees, public sidewalk, public airspace for dancing.
And Leta's cuteness and babyness may keep away those parking-space-control-freaks if they have even the tinyest sphincter of human kindness in them.
Still, Dooce, you might want to wear a bulletproof vest next time.
59. Megan said:
I want to hear more about Beth's
crazy neighbors. I also want you to make them mad more often. Can we please have a post later all about crazy neighbor drama?
60. The Mighty Jimbo said:
in my neighborhood we have both painted the sidewalks red to keep the tourists from blocking our driveways AND painted the city designated red zones white so we can have extra parking.
it's newport beach. we already figure we own the world. why not the street too.
61. Gia said:
You're smiling! I love it.
62. dre said:
Heather,
You are so darn pretty when you smile. (You are pretty when you don't smile, too!) :-D
I read Beth's web page -- the story of the crazy neighbors. Seriously, that is SCARY! What freaks.
Dre
63. Laura said:
I covet your shoes!
And your amazing lack of saddlebags, but I have a better chance of acquiring the shoes than of losing my excess thigh-age.
64. nika said:
lusting after your shoes right now, woman. I just kicked off my own shoes in disgust.
That story of Beth's is insane. what the hell is wrong with people? at least they're fun to make fun of. heh.
65. ashley said:
i read beths site.
and oh my gosh!
if they really wanted privacy they should move to sandy (whatever sandy means)
and close their blinds. screw the cats privacy is way more important.
just kidding about the cats, i love cats.
but those people are PSYCHO!
66. K said:
I LOVE those shoes.
And your page...i started blogging because of it. Hoepfully you don't mind my giving you "props" in the title. If you do, well, i guess you could always sue me or something. Or force me to donate to your website. That I could do.
67. Heather S. said:
Your story reminded me of that crazy middle finger guy in Provo.
http://www.boingboing.net/2004/11/08/middle_finger_man_me.html
68. Sue From Ohio said:
Heather, Are you wearing corn rows in your hair?!?!?!?!
I haven't loked at other comments yet so forgive me if it's already been asked....
um, they look nice....
69. Stephanie said:
Boy you are skinny. Looks like you need to eat some fried chicken honey!
70. kittysays said:
Am I the only one that noticed that Leta is wearing 2 socks???!!
71. RazDreams said:
Methinks you're doing your little jig because you know that *Leta has both of her socks on her feet!!!* Even I'm doing a Happy Dance for you.
72. Shannon said:
Wow! How long are your legs exactly? They are impressive. I'm suddenly very envious and very much regreting the 5 chocolate mini-donuts that I had for breakfast.
Thanks for giving me such great reading material on the World Wide Web everyday, BTW.
73. Sarah said:
You are skinny! Get you some bacon!
74. dooce said:
The shoes are DKNY running shoes I bought for like 10 bucks at Shoe Pavillion on Beverly Blvd. in Los Angeles. They're four years old and I plan to be buried in them. Jon calls them my Rocket Shoes.
As for the hair: the top of my hair is pulled back into one ponytail which is then pulled down and back into another ponytail holding the bottom portion of my hair. My hair is in that in between stage where if I use just one ponytail it all falls out, so it calls for TWO.
Also, I lost a lot of hair after the baby was born, and I'm starting to grow it back around my forehead so I've got all these short hairs sprouting out around my hair line.
And yes, I hadn't showered in three days. I just admitted that on the Internet underneath a picture of the actual evidence.
75. Seriously said:
People.
Can we please lay off the insanely detailed and confessional (envy?!?) scrutinizing of Heather and Jon's appearance?
Did any of you read Dooce's post last week about eating disorders? No need for critiquing her every feature or habits. NO NEED to compare yourself or your man or berate yourself on the internet for not looking like her, having longer legs, thin thighs, red shoes, a husband who rakes leaves.
Ok, well I understand the last one.
But please, have some respect for Heather as a person and for chrissakes! Have some respect for *yourselves*. We're all different. We're all in progess. JEEZ
76. Win said:
I've learned to live with the fact that's not fair you've got a cute kid, a cute husband, a cute dog, even a cute cousin.
But lady, you got cute shoes too.
And that's just too much to take.
77. melba said:
dooce,
I have to tell you, that is not a truck. It is an SUV. Are you afraid to admit that you drive a gas guzzler?
melba
78. Sarah said:
My goodness, girl! It's a good thing you don't live on the snowy plains! You're so tall and thin that one good snowy wind would bury you. :)
Looks like you and Leta are having some fun!
79. krissy pants said:
Oh my god! I totally thought it was a rooster, too.
80. lyn said:
well, i'm fat and pregnant and i think heather and i BOTH have great legs. wanna scrutinize my appearance? i don't mind. (isn't that why we post pictures of ourselves? so people can admire our fabulousness?)
http://www.livejournal.com/users/galaxyinturiya
speaking of pregnancy and crazy neighbors, my crazy neighbor found out i was pregnant while interrogating my mother about why i am so fat and then called my landlords to tell them i was knocked up. we're going to train our baby to pee in her yard.
81. Amber said:
Heather, how tall are you?
82. Sarah said:
Hey, #75,
As long as the comments are fun and friendly, I don't see any reason to get your knickers in a knot.
83. Wendee said:
Awww the joys of having a baby. It doesn't even end after you give birth! (Still recovering from the hair thing 19 months after Josh was born!) When you have legs like that, who gives a rats ass about hair!
84. Heather 2 said:
By the way...about the tupperware. What's a WEEVIL?
85. Christine said:
The size of your body doesn't matter to me.
The shape of your thighs doesn't matter to me.
The length of your legs doesn't matter to me.
The radiance that comes through your smile as you dance with lovely Leta -- *that* matters to me!
It's good to see you enjoying your life, Heather. Keep going!
86. honestyrain said:
it is a known fact that to eradicate Stupid one must first slap Stupid right upside the head and where possible give it a good swift kick in the pants as well. you have neatly achieved both and i applaud you. should Stupid remain undaunted by these efforts, which is likely as Stupid is remarkably persistent (see recent US election results), please persist in your efforts. at some point you will emerge victorious.
87. Mary said:
Great pic! A most excellent expression of joy.
The comments about thinking the thumbnail was of a rooster made me laugh. I totally thought it was a garden gnome. :)
88. Jen said:
Hey, is there also a little note on their mailbox that you are marching past?
WHAT DOES IT SAY? WHAT DOES IT SAY?
Jen
89. Sarah said:
You know, I wonder what your crazy, isolationist neighbors would do if some Mormons came knocking at their door?
Do you guys get door-to-door Mormons in Utah?
90. Laurie said:
According to my boyfriend, weevil or boll wevils are little bugs that can drill their way through wood and sometimes live in older house cabinets. Although he doesn't understand how they would get into the fridge with the tupperware. :)
I LOVE those shoes! THey look like merrell hiking shoes kinda.
91. Andrea said:
After 89 comments, don't you feel conscious about your long legs? :)
But I hope you piss your neighbours off mightily.........
92. Jen said:
When I saw the thumbnail, I thought it was a rooster. Kudos for beating the neighbors in the ornary game.
And I agree, your legs could definitely reach China. Having barely reached five feet and staying there, I will never know what that feels like.
93. Caroline said:
I notice people keep commenting on the numbers of the posts. Do they count all the posts to find these numbers (75? Who counts to post 75?), because my computer is totally not showing post numbers. I knew there was some kind of conspiracy going on. I better get some electrical tape and post some signs out front. That's the logical thing to do.
94. Lauren said:
Is it me or does Leta have both her socks on? How long did it last?
95. Bilge said:
Nice gas guzzler.
96. jennifer said:
Very funny .. very very funny. Glad to see leta takes after her mom in sarcastic humour. I can't believe I wasn't posting sooner, I checked the site so often ahhhh, one day one day!
97. Henry said:
OMGWTF what if they are planning to blow themselves up and assassinate teh president OMG!!!!!!1111oneone
seriously, Dee, do you really wanna call the cops on these people? Yeah they're clearly a little freaky but they were hardly threatening by what I read. But they seem strange to you so let's harrass them! awesome!
i am not sure america really needs an informer-state right now. maybe you disagree.
98. krissy pants said:
Caroline,
I've been wondering the same thing! How do people know what number they are? I know up top it lists how many people have commented...but how do you know where a specific message falls in that number?
Internet? Please let us know...as I'm sure you will with force.
99. henry said:
krissy - uh, you add one to the number of comments? what with the number of comments going up by one everytime you post, you can prove inductively that the number of your post is the number of previous posts plus one.
now people sometimes post in between you sampling the post count and making your post: this gives us a 'margin of error' that is proportional to the rate of posts which itself seems to be a function of just how cute a shot of leta is and also how many other comments have been made.
i expect to be comment 99 or 100. Maybe 101 since I had to go to the bathroom while writing this post.
100. wendee said:
I see a number at the top of the page that tells how many post there are.
101. Amanda said:
Am I first? Am I first?!
102. krissy pants said:
Also, I am sure Dooce is secure enough with herself to take the comments, opinions, psycho analysis and bitch-slaps we give her.
If not, she might want to rethink the whole exposing herself to the entire world via the internet.
103. Hil said:
Although your Hava Nagila dance reminds me a bit of the Hava Nagila dance that my Catholic relatives did at my Jewish wedding. Fun!
104. henry said:
oh.... i take that back. my browser displays numbers. i was being a smart ass about a totally different problem. oops.
105. Rachel said:
Please make sure to teach Leta the Hava Nagila dance when she gets older. :)
106. Gretchen C. said:
I love me some DKNY running shoes. I have an extremely offensive yellow pair from Loehmann's. I wear them expressly to cheese people off.
We have neighbors who post the signs saying not to park in front of their house, and we deliberately park in front of their house, too.
107. JJ said:
I so want your legs. Both of them.
Oh and when we are going to see Leta eating the dog’s half-eaten rawhide bone? :)
108. Colleen from NJ said:
holy freaky neighbor! I think that she's definitely in need of an intervention with drugs.
The informal litmus test to determine if a person is suffering from a mental illness as mentioned by faculty at Creighton University Medical School: can you talk about them for more than 15 minutes? Then, yes, you have probably found a truly mentally ill person.
I have noticed this to be true in my own experience. Try to talk about some normal, healthy person for more than 15 minutes... you run out of things to say.
So, Dooce, be careful, she's bananas. Keep the kids AWAY.
PS. Although she could be useful in discipline in a few years, when your once angelic baby gets that sassy tone up. Then you can say "Change that attitude, young lady, or I'm sending you to live with Crazy Cat Lady." Sounds mean, but works better than a time out.
109. maryse said:
did the crazy neighbors come out and scream at you?
110. Kristina said:
I think the white spot is where their street number is. Am I right, dooce? Beth covers it up in her picture too. Anyway, I used to have a neighbor who put up a huge fence (6 feet) because the kids in our house "looked at their dog too much" and was causing him rage. ::Shrugs:: They let it out to bark at night, and when my mom asked them to please make it stop, the lady snapped "Your children caused Charlie's rage, so I have to let him get it out." They moved pretty soon after that.
I like your shoes, too. And the thumbnail does look like a rooster.
111. mainer said:
ok, I gotta say it,
you are looking REALLY thin.
are you taking good care of yourself?
112. Brian said:
G'mornin from LI.
wow... now that's an amazingly awesome story...
Im sorry that Beth got spooked out, but theres so much fun to be had with neighbors like that. Dooce seems to see it.
Viva la revolución
113. Heather 2 said:
For those of you questioning the number thing...this same question came up during comments on a past picture, and apparently some people's "browsers" actually number each post individually (in addition to it showing the total number of comments at the top). I am not lucky enough to see these additional numbers, so was confused as to why people were able to refer to a specific comment...thinking they were CRAZY to go through and count them out.
114. Helen said:
First time commenting...
I was introduced to your site a week or so ago and have been hooked ever since. I was told you would make me laugh and you do... everyday. So thanks for that.
I love the fact that you parked there. Doing a jig and taking a picture to capture the moment is even better. My parents street is always packed with cars, making it hard to find a space sometimes. Well, some residents put out traffic cones to stop people parking outside their houses. If ever we can't find a space I move them. It's beyond rude for these people to do that, and I always move them while exclaiming loudly just how rude I think it is. My boyfriend sits in the car covering his face in embarrassment.
The person who said they think Dooce looks like Uma Thurman? I see it! I've seen it since the day I first saw her picture. Beautiful woman.
Um, longer first comment than I intended. Ah well.
115. Mel said:
Mo, nice Simpson's reference.
Also, I stopped reading after Mo's response, because all the comments on how cute/skinny/long-legged/tall Heather is started to sound creepy.
What I like about the pic is the triangle of red shoe, red mailbox flag, red tail-light. That's what I noticed first.
116. Sheryl said:
You can also see the post numbers from the browsers installed on web enabled blackberries and other PDAs.
117. Peggasus said:
Looks more like a goosestep to me. Which would be appropriate, as they are Parking Nazis.
118. annakay said:
i second the goose step comment. our neighbor (a nun of all things) knocked our mailbox off the house and then did a ding-dong doorbell ditch when we parked in front of her house.
119. Kieran said:
Screw the neighbors its a free country...well it is Utah and that is a whole different story.
120. Kieran said:
yeah and BTW that doesnt look like a Jewish dance it look more like the German Nazi High Step!
121. Beth said:
Oh, people in England just don't use the word ORNERY enough. I'd almost forgotten about that word entirely.
I am going to make it my mission to bring ORNERY to the British. And I'll make sure they don't say it the way it's spelled.
Awwn-ree! That's just awwnree!
122. Heather 2 said:
Why do dog feet always smell like Fritos?
123. Siobhan said:
Wow, those are crazy neighbors. My friend Kat's neighbors children shoot at her stepchildren with their .22. And their dad likes to climb on the other neighbors roof at night. We should make Kat's crazy neighbors live next to Beth's crazy neighbors and record the melt down for future generations.
124. taryn said:
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought the thumbnail pic was of a rooster!
125. Helen said:
Beth, I'll join you on that mission. I'll take Wales, you get England. And Scotland since you're closer to them.
126. kim said:
this is where i learn more english vocabulary every day. today's word of the day: ornery - niedertraechtig. thank you ;o)
127. taryn said:
I saw a rooster too! Ha ha ha!
128. kim said:
also - defiance = trotz. ain't there a place in ohio called defiance? chris from ohio?
129. jes said:
OFF THE TOPIC:
I just read the post "CBS Should Make Me Apologize for this Post" written on Monday, February 23, 2004 (see "Boobs" Category).
Dooce - I am sitting at work, trying to muffle my laughter so it appears that I am working hard, and I laughed until I nearly cried!! Is THIS what I have to look forward to?!?
130. Gretchen C. said:
Dog feet do sometimes smell like Fritos. We always said our dog's feet smelled like basmati rice.
131. Kristine said:
This reminds me of Arlo Guthries, "Alices Restuarant"
You should just sing that in front of the house one day, Really loud.
"You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant." and then walk away.
If TWO people do it...
132. Sven said:
Why are those neighbors so weird? Although I hate having other people park in front of my house - when I come home from work and cannot park where I live . . . but I've not put out a sign yet - although I was thinking of putting nails and screws on the road . . ;D
133. schumi said:
Holy shit! Suprisingly I have friends that throw a fit if you park in front of their house. Even if you are visiting THEM. Oddly, they have parking in the back of their house they could use.
Anyway, the husband left the wife last week. I knew she was a crazy bitch.
134. The Mighty Jimbo said:
ya know, reading your current post and all i could think of was,
"daaaaaamn. party at the armstrong's!"
135. Megan said:
Dude, come on...you're legs are ridiculous. You're so cute with your perfect baby and your perfect truck and the perfect fall leaves your perfect LONG SKINNY LEGS that I want to barf. I'll still come back EVERYDAY...cause I like the torture. But I have to say...you're ridiculous.
136. Fish said:
Beth: While your at it, bring the word "varmint" to the English too, because "Ornery Varmint" is like tea and biscuits.
137. dooce obsessed said:
what happened to your hair?
(i'm kidding!!... ok. not funny...)
138. Firehog said:
The dreaded weevil...Its a bug common in most grain,oatmeal,cornmeal,flour.My mother kept these things in the fridge to keep the weevil from hatching...a little extra crunch in the biscuit.During tour in Nam they were the little brown spots in the bread,we just pretended it was whole grain bread.
Really enjoy this site.
139. Leon said:
I guess goose stepping vengeful moms are more adept at keeping the socks on their kid's feet.
You now have photographic proof that you are a good mother.
140. Wendy said:
Hello lady with the longest legs EVER. Of course you MUST park in front of the house that illegally says "no parking here". The guy who owns the huge apartment building acoss the street tried that crap and all of the people in my building fought each other to park there even though we have our own spaces. This is LA, where you can find free and available parking exactly nowhere.
I loved the Tupperware entry. The only "T" party I've ever been to was hosted by Phranc the All American Jewish Lesbian Folk Singer. If you want to have a Tupperware party SHE is the host to have. I would love to see her host a party in Utah. The photos alone would be priceless.
141. laura said:
Those neighbours sound certifiably insane. "we have to leave our blinds open because the cats like to look out the windows?"
aren't streets public? i think you are allowed to park anywhere you like if there aren't corporation or county council restrictions. by corporation i mean city councils.
that's the way it works in ireland anyway.
how do they know the cats like to and need to look out the windows? do they talk to the cats? further proof that those neighbours are certifiably insane.
your friend Beth should ignore them. Or wrap her arms around her head and shout "i can't hear you I can't hear you" when they are talking to her and spouting such nonsense.
poor Beth. The dancing was a good idea!
(Beth doesn't allow comments from what i could see)
142. chloechasesmom said:
My hair fell out like that. I saw that picture and knew right away what it was. My best friend had a neighbor like that, she moved.
I also just had a Tupperware Party (I am a dork) but it was a taste of tupperware party. You get to make snacks at those.
143. Amanda B. said:
Speaking of scary crazy folks...
I was getting a haircut yesterday at my usual dive when the "beauty shop gossip" hit a new and wholly offensive low.
The gals in the salon were talking smack, as per usual, about some poor woman having a nanny to help her with her children. So I said, "That Whore!" hoping to lighten the mood a bit.
One of the women nodded at me and said, and I quote, "Well, you know...she is Asian."
Only she was serious. And now my, little present to me- 30 dollar hair cut is tainted with crazy mean poopy talk. Sigh.
P.S. Dooce you are so purty. And quazi-evil to boot!
144. heathabee said:
Leta looks like she's just ROARING with laughter! What a cute picture of you too.. and the fact that it's based entirely on pissing someone else off... brilliant. :)
Keep it up! I love driving crazy neighbours crazier! We had a neighbour once who would come out after we shovelled our driveway and literally dig her basement windows and that meter thing out of the snow... she was a crotchety old bitch, so it was funny seeing her dig through 5 foot snow! **evil laugh**
145. moose said:
http://www.orneryboy.com
entry #133
... it's all fitting together... somehow.
for the word freaks:
http://www.randomhouse.com/wotd/index.pperl?date=20000927
146. anne said:
Frito feet! I love it. So true. Of course, I'm referring to your post, not this picture.
Ahem.
147. skinnyfatgirl said:
I can't get over all these skinny comments. Sweet Christ in a bucket. I've seen photos of myself where I look about all of 80 lbs. and some where I have four chins. It's all in the angle.
148. Stacy said:
In defense of the "my cats like to look out the windows" thing, you can always tell when a person has cats because there blinds are pulled up a foot or so from the bottom. If mine are closed all the way, my cat will tear the shit out of them. I think that pretty much normal. Cats have a very distinct way of voicing displeasure.
149. Stacy said:
And another thing, am I gross because I went to the vending machine to get fritos because of all the frito comments? It sparked a craving.
150. tracy said:
Okay, I have to admit I think it's thoughtless to park in front of someone else's house when you don't have to. But clearly, annoying the psycho neighbors is a case where one has to. I mean, Beth should close her blinds because the crazy neighbors need privacy? WTF?
151. Smiling! said:
You have such a pretty smile, Heather!
152. the niffer said:
Fish: I always thought it was Varmit. What is a varmit/varmint anyway? I mean, I know the word, but it is a real critter or just a way to describe a critter?
153. moose said:
for the niffer:
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=varmint
154. Toni said:
"Ohhhhhhh! We're off to see the Wizard. The wonderful Wizard of Oz. because, because, BECAUSE...BECAUSE OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS HE DOES.
dee-dee-dee-di-dee."
155. the niffer said:
Thanks Moose! I can think of lots of annoying critters - most of them human.
156. CDNRXBY said:
VIVE LA RESISTANCE! :-D
J In TO
157. jelene said:
it's just like those people that put up those signs in their yard for dogs, "don't poop here" "poop free zone" "if your dog poops please scoop" "dead dogs don't poop" .. but the thing is, i've noticed that those people get MORE poop than other people do.
love your shoes!
158. jelene said:
... it also looks like you are going to say "OF FRANCE!" while doing the jig.
159. ella's ma said:
I hope you accompanied your little dance with a charming rendition of the Sex Pistols "Anarchy in the UK". I know it's not the UK, but a fitting ditty nonetheless.
160. susan said:
Um, Heather? Girl, we need to talk about the hair. What have you done? I think it's time for a new Year in the Life of Heather's Hair photo series. Because if I'm not mistaken, you're sporting a mohawk. And still you look like a million bucks. Go figure. :o)
161. jane said:
I just tried doing Hava Nagila with my chihuahua on my lap, and I am sorry to report he did not seem to enjoy it as much as Leta did!
162. Chloe said:
Holy fucking shit you are TALL! I have to agree-- I do see a Uma Thurman-ness to you in this picture.
Also, please tell me he (Dave) still has the half-acid-wash-half-cow-print shorts. So that you may post a picture of them on the internet. PLEASE? All this build up about those ridiculous shorts, and if they are anything like the picture I have in my head, well, they deserve to have a whole site devoted just to them.
Also, fifty-thirding the love for your shoes. Me wantee! Me wantee!
Your hair falls out when you're pregnant? Hot boiling diarrhea!
163. Fish said:
Stacy: You're not gross, but you may be pregnant.
164. Reiko said:
I've always had thinnish hair, but when I was pregnant, it got thicker and way fuller. Each strand was actually thicker and it seemed like my hair multiplied by like 5 times. And it got wavy!
Then a bunch of my hair fell out around my hairline while I was nursing (in the front and the back)...but it all grew back after about 3 months after I stopped nursing.
After 2 kids, my hair is a completely different color, thickness and texture than what I had for the years before. Wild.
165. moose said:
Chloe, your hair doesn't fall out when you're pregnant, it falls out AFTER you are pregnant because, due to hormones, it doesn't fall out at all WHILE you are pregnant... so you get luxuriantly thick hair while pregnant, then you give birth, the hormones shift, and all hell breaks loose. Really, all hair breaks loose. It all falls out rapidly and you're left feeling bald (note that I said *feeling* bald -- it's not really that bad) for a while til everything grows back normally. My sympathies, Dooce. Been there. Doesn't last forever.
166. moose said:
The hair thing:
http://www.babycenter.com/expert/baby/postpartumbeauty/1335883.html
167. Diana said:
Wow, woman, you got crazy-long legs!
168. TexChic said:
You know, Tupperware won't keep out weevils if their eggs are already in the flour/rice/etc. when you place it in the container and seal it up. Unbeknownst to most, this is usually how weevils appear. There aren't many weevils crawling around the neighborhood looking for boxes or bags to infest. Frankly, we just usually use the staple before the eggs hatch... just a little extra protein...
169. Tree said:
Heather B. Armstrong...you fucking rock!
170. little bird said:
Looks more like the Oompa-Loompa
Dance!
Nonetheless...carry on!
171. anna said:
We call 'em meal moths, but it sounds like the same thing. There's not really any way to avoid bringing the eggs home in your dry goods, but you can prevent them from hatching by freezing your grain for a few hours, then storing it in an air-tight (weevil-tight) container. Then any existing eggs are killed, and new moths that may turn up can't get in.
Fascinating, no? I'll try to be more entertaining next time.
172. rabooka said:
I have a neighbor who also does not want anyone to park their car infront of her house. She doesn't put up any signs. She just runs out of her house when you pull up and tells you to move your car. That's right she tells you , not asks. One time she called my landlord's girlfriend a skinny bitch because she wouldn't move her car. What a BIATCH!
173. Kristine said:
Why isn't there a 'Dooce' Fan club mailing list?
There could be a 'newcommer' post we send out that tells people why why Chuck is into politics, who is George and why would anyone marry someone that wore acid washed underwear. These are things I've always wanted to know.
I would love to talk to other 'Dooce' fans.
by the way...where would you find acid washed underwear? Do they have them in a thong?
174. faith said:
......am I first?
175. Melle said:
You are just way too cool. haha. I would have done the same just to get them mad. ha!
176. Hanna said:
Ok, has anyone mentioned the shoes/boots? love 'em!
177. Sheryl said:
I was just in a meeting where we were going to look at PowerPoint templates (!) of our company intranet over webex but the webex session wasn't connecting ... so we just sat on our sphincters and chatted about parking and crazy neighbors and Road Rage, which is a serious problem where I live and work (Boston).
In the picture, I see your silver SUV and on the other side of the road, part of a big-ass white sedan. OK, being that all things are relative, and that compared to Boston, the width of this residential street is like a 5 LANE HIGHWAY, this makes Beth's neighbors just that little bit more P.S.Y.C.H.O. Look at all that roooooom they have! I grew up on the west coast and moved to NY in 91 and then to Boston in 97. When I visited SLC and Provo a few years back, I had never seen streets so wide (nor had I ever seen a corporate lobby where the walls were covered with 8x10 glossies of every employee and every family member of every employee). Mr. Young had designated a numbering and block-size system for the streets that was so perfect and orderly that you could give directions to people, estimate their mileage, know if the destination would face southeast - for places you have never even been, just by looking at the address!
Boston, on the other hand grew out of tiny villages by the sea and the streets were built around each village in a series of concentric circles. The number of villages has and now the streets are a tangled mess resembling the mass that is my blackberry, cell, PDA and laptop cables. Never mind that there aren't any street signs or numbers on buildings. Brigham Young! Man with a City Plan.
178. Shiz said:
Crazy neighbors. I'm glad you parked there. Until they retaliate.
Maybe they're praying for your soul.
179. Super Turtle Girl said:
Hmmmmm. I'm pretty sure that the best way to fight ornery is with ornery in all cases. Isn't that how that whole middle east thing got so bad? (Well, OK, it's a little more complex but the ornery are my likely to kill the other ornery. Unless the other ornery kill them first.)
---------------
COLLEEN: I *love* that definition of insanity. The gossip's definition of insanity. The more interesting you are, the more insane you are. Man, that's America for ya.
180. Kelly said:
You are the perfect mother.
181. Bruce said:
I would park there & walk home EVERY GOD-DAMNED DAY.
182. Human Writes said:
The great thing about mixing stool softeners with antidepressants is that you take shits that are surprisingly well-adjusted and generally OK with life even though they are about to be flushed into oblivion.
183. Beth said:
Helen - You're on! And soon we shall take ORNERY to France!!!!
Fish - AHH! Varmint! Another great word.
Most of all, thanks to you Dooce, for helping me to hold on to my good old Southern vernacular. I still make sure I say 'painthers' and 'warsh' as well. :)
184. TheGoat said:
Am I the last post for the day?
185. Kellie said:
No.
186. eddo said:
Heather you are so thin and taller than I thought- tall is good. Loved the dance...
you look quite happy. :)
187. anna said:
No, I'm last!
For a few minutes, anyway; it's sweet, *sweet* while it lasts.
188. TheGoat said:
I'm last! said TheGoat, at least for the moment
189. Cori Skinner said:
Hey Heather, just wanted to say hello from one of your old fellow panther alumni! Glad to hear you are doing well, you look great, take care of yourself!
190. soulsolid said:
Thats ridiculous! We have crazy parking Nazi's here who leave notes on peoples cars, tryin' to cock block all the time. 1) Public street, 2) unless you plan on gettin' your natural ass whooped, don't leave notes on other peoples rides (or anywhere else for that matter!) 3) Public street (dag! I said that already!)
191. Carol said:
#182 (Human Writes for those who have no numbers) - Hilarious!!!
I lost my hair, too, after babies. My youngest is one and a half and I finally had to cut bangs on myself to cover up the beautiful face-framing curly-cues.
192. Flossy said:
Very scared by crazy neighbours!
193. Cate said:
No, it's me! *I'm* last, dangit!
Yep, Salt Lake's streets are beautifully organized. And then there's the mountains (Oh, lovely, beautimous mounntains) so you always know what direction you're headed. Unlike Mesa, Arizona, where the streets are on a lovely grid, but they all have names instead of numbers and there's no mountains for the land-nav-challenged to orient themselves by. Darn Mesa.
194. krissy pants said:
You were last
195. debbie said:
i like how you can tell by the curve of her cheeck that little leta is smiling and laughing, too!
196. Sarah said:
How in the HELL can anyone tell what Leta is doing...laughing, smiling, crying, she could be doing anything? Are you using a magnifying glass to look at this picture?
Or are we projecting???? Hmmm?
I want to think she's laughing, too. I do, and I'm sure she probably is, because what baby would NOT be laughing if their mama was doing a silly dance up and down the sidewalk while holding her?
197. Sarah said:
I don't think I used enough question marks in that last comment of mine.
What do you think?
That was like an 'of France' with ???? instead of !!!!
Oy Vay.
198. Danika said:
Beth has to close HER blindds because the OTHER people want privacy. Unreal! Beth should say we don't close our blinds because our KIDS need to be able to see out and have fresh air coming in. If they like privacy that much they can close their own blinds and too bad for the cats. Please continue to park there and piss them off. They deserve it!
Love the pic! Want more pictures of you smiling!
199. STLBeth said:
oh my goodness. same thing happened with some people that live across the street from my parents. nutshell: a year of calls to police and threats sprinklers turned on open Jeeps and demanding that there be a "parking schedule calendar" culminated with one last act of insanity by crazy neighbor and my sister inches away from whupping the crap out of the woman in the snow in the middle of the street. The lady ended up crying and apologizing and eventually got some happy drugs for her postpartum depression. We still call it Christmas Brawl 2002.
200. wheezer345 said:
Oh yeah, I'm first. Wait a minute! Oh yeah, the picture. RIGHT ON!!! You tell that lady!!!
201. For Real said:
No, we're not for real. We are people that Heather makes up in mind. She's just sitting here all day putting in new comments. I'm her 27th personality. *rolling eyes*
Yeah, people like her hair, her shoes and her damn hot husband.
Is it a sin to admit it? if it is,...to quote her 57th personality that sits here and posts too....."Party at the Armstrongs!"
I'm in love with her camera.
202. DoulaBrooke said:
Cate-
I live in Mesa, AZ too and I always used the Superstition Mts. to navigate by when I first moved here, find them and I knew I was goin' east!
203. jgs said:
I like the irony that this woman is so concerned with her privacy - yet here we all are discussing her! If she found out about this website she'd be mortified!
204. TheGoat said:
"The last post of the day #1053" advised TheGoat.
Seeya all tomorrow in Dooceland.
205. Candice said:
Since I own my own pair of red, "rocket"-like tennis shoes, I can concur that they are KICK-ASS shoes to own. You can't go wrong with red shoes. I'm wearing them now.
Haters, step off.
—C.
206. wixlet said:
ok, beth's story creeped me the fuck out. why doesn't psychonaut move to #@!&$ sandy???
207. Colleen from NJ said:
Super Turtle Girl-
Glad you like the gossip's definition. Works like a charm and is fun to do.
And anyone who dresses their offspring as Frieda is OK in my book.
208. Kelli said:
What I want to know is - is Leta wearing her Robeez frog shoes yet? I know you said she screamed when you tried to put them on her before, but her feet are green in this pic, so I'm just wonderin'...they are so cute and she is a frog baby after all.
209. Taylor said:
Yeah Asscrack, and you're totally and the "dooce loves you" list now.
Btw, Dooce-I. love. your. shoes.
210. Michelle said:
Do you really read all this crap?
211. Michelle said:
For those who have commented on how happy Leta looks and how much fun she seems to be having....how can you tell by THE BACK OF HER HEAD?
212. Cate said:
Actually, I don't live in Mesa. I'm here in Salt Lake. Sandy, actually. 10 miles south of Salt Lake City proper. But it's all just one big city, the whole valley. But I visit family in Mesa just often enough that whenever I'm there I get terribly turned around and confused because I think I remember where things are but I really don't have a clue.
Crazy neighbor woman needs to move to some place where the nearest neighbor is a few hundred miles away. I hear Alaska is nice like that.
213. Hardtoplease said:
My husband calls my loud and obnoxious socks, "Circus socks."
You have just shown me the perfect circus shoes to compliment my circus socks.
214. Bruce said:
Yeah, I was wondering what kind of shoes Leta was wearing to, *really* I was. Y'know, frog-baby n'all.
Ok, no I wasn't.
215. dooce said:
yes, in fact, i DO read all this crap, all this wonderful, lovely, insane crap. i love crap.
leta was having a kick ass time, and when we got into the car she said, "Show'd them sunzabitches!"
216. Sheryl said:
Cate, my sentiments exactly
"Crazy neighbor woman needs to move to some place where the nearest neighbor is a few hundred miles away."
Beth's story reminds me never to move to the rural areas even tho my vote will count more, because the rural areas contain more people who want to be alone and who have guns.
I admire it when the crazy people who know they probably shouldn't be allowed around other people actually go far enough away to eliminate the clear and present danger. Those types probably wouldn't live very long in Boston. Either they would just die of hot boiling diarrhea blow-outs caused by the anxiety overload or they would mouth off and some other crazy mutha would pop a cap in dey asses (ala Amanda B.)
My BF's stepdad comes to visit from upstate NY where he hunts non-stop, probably because he likes trudging round the woods for days without seeing other humans. When he comes to visit, he brings four hand guns to which I am violently opposed, as security blankets. I make BF lock them in a safe. Stepdad's fear of traffic and paranoia about people who are not white-skinned is insane, and makes him constantly mutter about "When I get out my 45, that'll take care of him!" Because of the stress of being in the city, Stepdad has to wear a "sleep mask" in the car so he can't see the carnage around us as we drive him round the rotaries at 60 mph, and we all suffer from his massive bowel attacks (Read: we invested in an air filtration system and my BF has to clean the bathroom when they visit).
[Sorry so long-winded. Testing code for 3 days and I am b.o.r.e.d.]
217. Sheryl said:
DOOCE!
Your post just made me spit hot boiling...
LATTE on my beautiful flat screen, and my cashmere sweater.
Off to the dry cleaners... *I love you for this* excuse to 1. take off my corp suit and put my jeans on early and 2. take a break!
218. IHateToast said:
1) you have the longest legs i have ever seen.... grrrr, lucky wench
2) i have 2 orange peelers. one from the melbourne show and the other from the ekka in brisbane. i paid for both (
219. Kimberly said:
I love that bat-poop crazy smile you have going.
And cats do get wiggy about being able to look outside. Back in the miniblind days, mine would stick their heads through the slats just to see out. I have shades now.
220. Photographer Lori said:
You know I love you...BUT....what if she really is crazy and needs meds and knows something is wrong with her and can't help herself. What if she really does have a mental condition...Now if she's just a nasty old crow, then she's not crazy and doesn't have a mental condition and you're giving the real crazy people a bad name. If that is the case, then just call her a nasty bitch. If she IS crazy, maybe you could make her some cookies with some of your meds in them and see if that helps her. :)
I'm just saying is all.... :)
221. LisaC said:
A Very Dooce Christmas
by Chuck
(with apologies to, uh, whoever wrote that partridge in a pear tree song)
Six weeks before Christmas
My true loves shook at me
Seven sleeping aids
Aaaan-TI Psychotics
Four antidepressants
Three anti-anxieties
Two anti-seizures
And a great big jar of stool softener!
222. Master of the Obvious said:
Cats like looking outside.
The more cats you have the more blinds have to be open to the outside world.
Crazy people like the blinds closed and are made crazier by any evidence of the outside world.
Crazy people love cats, lots of cats. Hoarding cats. Reading the minds of cats.
Cats like to observe.
Crazy people think they are being watched.
God is torturing crazy people by making them love cats.
223. Amanda B. said:
I'm actually kind of jealous of Beth. I wish we had crazy yellin' in the yard neighbors.
In my single days I had a neighbor who got drunk and fell down the stairs of the appartment complex once or twice a week. The bottom of the stairs ended at my front door. So every Thursday or so I'd hear, "And another gd thing woman! You'd better be here when I get back!" Door slams, mutter mutter...then blam blam blam, "oh shit!" blam blam blam, "my shoe!" blam blam blam blam. Silence.
So I'd walk out and Mikey would be there in a pile on the cement. He'd get up, call the stairs a bastard and stumble off down the road.
Our neighbors now are all nice and quiet and keep to themselves. Boooring.
P.S. I complement Dooce because she is secretly the third Hilton sister. One day she will reward my loyalty with many, many dollars and power...hahahaha...POW-AH!
224. Kristen said:
I did the same thing (minus the jig) when some people in my old neighborhood in L.A. put signs on my windshield, and then cones in the space. EVERYONE in that 'hood had street parking. Anytime anyone tries to claim possession of public land, that person deserves a major spanking and a whole lot of applied annoyance. Good for you.
225. Photographer Lori said:
Hey, wait a second...I love cats...and come to think of it, I do keep windowns open for them to peer outside.
My husband always says if I didn't meet him, I'd be the crazy lady in the neighborhood with 50 cats...hmmm, what do you think that means?
"Damn you for not closing your blinds! My cats! My cats! They need to look out the window! We need our Privacy! You people. You people that should be living in Sandy!" AAAAAUUUURRRRGGGGHHHHHHH CATS, WINDOWS, PRIVATE, CATS, BLINDS, AAAAAUUUURRRGGGHHHHH!!!
226. Moon said:
i like the red shoes.
cute.
227. Amanda B. said:
Sheryl- your BF's father sounds like a really "special" guy. I've got one of those in my family too.
Can't name-names though cause "they" are *always watching me*.
:)
228. Suzy said:
When I was a kid, my best friend's next door neighbor put a big chain up in front of her house (on a public street) to deter people from parking there. My friends went to the store and bought 10 pairs of the largest, frilliest, pinkest underwear they could find, and neatly pinned a pair to her chain. Each day, they watched from inside their house, giggling as she came out, made a disgusted face and took the pretty undies down. It took only 6 days for her to remove that chain!
229. Kristine said:
My neighbors called the cops because the hedges in front of my front window were too tall according to the codes. I said, "alright if you want your kids watching me iron my shirt in my bra while they walk to school, keep on calling." They haven't called since. They call about me forgetting to take my garbage to the curb on Wednesdays though. They called the cops once because the lady two houses down had a pool put in and the installers using the backho got the ground dirty.
I live in yuppie hell.
I dare not go into the endless phone calls about my little dog that barks when she wants in the house after going pee.
Any idea's for revenge on this guy?
230. kai said:
Anyone can be first. It's far harder to be last. Nothing's more annoying to an ornery grumpy person than a happy person dancing in front of their window. With a baby no less.
231. TheGoat said:
Okay, Post #1500
The last one for today folks!
And to all a good-nite
232. Anna said:
I did the same thing a few years back when a man put up no parking signs in front of his house on a PUBLIC STREET. I parked my ass there and when he came out of the house hollering at me, I kept walking. He called the police, they came, they took down his signs. Crazy bastard!
233. GRAYGIRL said:
We have very "Christian" neighbors across the street -church all the time, home schooled kids, etc. When our kids were little they wouldn't let their's play with ours because we were heathen non-believers (I guess). We took great pleasure (and still do) standing in the driveway in only bathrobes, in the middle of the day, wine glass in hand, toasting them while fondling eachother!!!!!
234. Sheryl (98/306) said:
You have to stop bagging on poor Dave, he's going to get a complex!
235. eco2geek said:
*NO POSTING!!!!*
*NO READING!!!!*
*OR DANCING!!!!*
-- THE CRAZY NEIGHBORS
236. wealhtheow said:
Dooce, I simply must tell you the phrase "hot forks of displeasure" has been running around inside my head all day long, thanks to the in-fucking-competent technology I am forced to work with. I deeply wish to stab everything in sight with hot forks of displeasure, and then use said forks to put myself out of the hideous and unceasing misery in which I currently find myself. HOT FORKS OF DISPLEASURE!!! (And if ever a sentiment needs three exclamation points, that one does.) This is by way of saying thank you so much for coining the perfect phrase to desribe the hell that is my life this week.
237. wealhtheow said:
Oh yeah--love the shoes.
238. The Avocado said:
HAHA that's hilarious. Was that right before the crazy neighbors stormed out with their rifles?
239. amy said:
awesome and leta has her socks on!
240. Tracy said:
I'm just curious as to what Beth's neighbors are doing in there that requires so much privacy? Speculation, anyone? I vote meth lab. Or cat porn.
241. Michelle said:
I love that you came on here and whipped my sorry ass into shape by telling me that you do INDEED read all the crap. I'm just jealous, I don't get a buncha good crap on my blog.
And "sunzabitches" is the keyword that let's me know you truly are a Southerner. I don't doubt for a mo that Leta shouted it with aplomb.
242. hayley said:
whatever you dupes, she totally photo-shopped those legs.
;)
243. betti said:
i agree, the neighbor sounds weird. to play devil's advocate here, i have to comment on a fairly famous mormon, one of whose 7 habits of highly effective people you may remember: 'seek first to understand, then to be understood.' maybe this crazy lady neighbor just needs some understanding.... love your site/photos and appreciate your generosity in posting your photoshop trick ;)
244. Amber said:
wow
245. Charmaine said:
Yay for Heather! Someone else who thinks their dogs feet smell like Fritos. They totally smell like Fritos. Someone else has to think their dogs feet smell like Fritos too?
246. heathabee said:
wow, that realtor guy sounds like a disgusting person.
you should throw leta's dirty diapers on his lawn. and make sure they're the diapers that have princesses and flowers and barbies and stuff all over them. she's a BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL, DAMNIT! I don't see how anyone could POSSIBLY see her as a boy!
247. butterstar said:
Eww, I totally don't want to eat fritos now. :)
And whoever made the comment about the dog poop (sorry, too lazy to go back and find out): it is so NOT the same thing! My babies couldn't play in my yard--private property--b/c people were letting their dogs poop in it and not cleaning up after them. That's so not right. If it's so ok, why don't they have their dogs poop in their own yards? There's nothing grosser than having to wash dog doo off of every surface of your child (including in her mouth, ugh). And now that they're older, I'm getting damn tired of having to hose off their shoes every time they play outside (and no, we don't have one of those signs).
People should be nicer.
But telling people they can't park in a public place b/c it happens to be near your property, well, that's just plain nutty.
248. jin-ah said:
Ya know, you almost look like a taller, thinner(!) Winona Ryder in that pic. Her status on your hubby's site notwithstanding, that's generally not a bad thing.
249. Kaycee said:
They have dog parks in Utah, right? They are an excellent solution to the excersizing issue... plus there's usually some crazy people there and that'd be fun to post about.
250. lekki said:
I'm pleased to see that Leta has both socks on
251. Sheryl said:
Tracy: (gasp).
K I T T Y. P o r n?
That's fucked up!
Michelle, you have big hairy balls and I love you.
Dooce. D. O. O. C. E.
You know how your quoting of Leta on sunzabiches made me spray Boiling Hot Venti Triple Soy Latte out my nose? (Ok, maybe you're saying - Bitch is a *lightweight* but I was bored and your comment caught me unawares)
Ok, so I had to change and go to the dry cleaners...
I found a $100 dollar bill on the freakin ground!!! On the way there. I looked around for the cameras like I was getting punk'd. Talk about a moment of paranoia. But I decided it was just random luck.
That inspired me to stop by the International Pub on the way back to work, and had a shot of Cuervo gold...
While there, I told the bartender of my find. And do you know what she said?
She was like-what are you going to do with it that could improve upon the experience of finding it?
252. A Fan~Jinny said:
You are too damn skinny, Woman. Put on some weight, will ya?
253. Carol said:
Sorry, I don't get it (and I don't have one, mind you) but what is so terribly wrong with a driving a Lexus?
254. Sally said:
It sounds like Beth needs to encourage her neighbors to move. Maybe they would like to move to Sandy.
255. Christine said:
*Ahem*...
Why would you even STOP to talk to this asshat? You already knew the kind of guy he is. This is like walking up to a drug dealer and getting all indignant because he tries to sell you crack.
256. Meg said:
I didn't read through all the comments so I'm sorry if I repeat something someone already said.
When I looked at the thumbnail I thought Heather's foot was a turkey and I thought, hah!
Then it wasn't a turkey, but Heather, YOU have got to be SO TALL.
And the first thing I saw were Leta's socks. Neon green, the brighter, the better, easier to keep track of and make sure they stay on both feet.
257. Danielle said:
Yes, I too, thought it was a garden gnome.
As for the parking thing, I know that in Boston, after a big snow storm, people get *funny* about the parking spot that they've shovelled out. They pull out collapsible lawn chairs or other household items to *save* their space while they go off to work or the mahhhhket or to the Dunkin Donuts (because they seem to dislike Stahbucks - "evil corporation!" - Oh, don't get me started about the quirks.) Anyway, everyone has their own distinctive little chair or bucket or cone or trash can. And when questioned about this practice of attempting to save shoveled spaces... they get alllllllllllll defensive. As if it were perfectly within their right to do it.
ugh.
(you know, I _do_ appreciate how nasty it is to spend half a day digging out... but still, the attitude about it is what gets to me)
When we lived in Cleveland, there was this neighborhood near (Little Italy-ish) where people were also *funny* about their parking space *year round*, no less. I was warned to take seriously this little policy, because my car would be keyed or window smashed if I parked in a marked spot (again, lawn chair or other handy-dandy household item).
Just goes to show, there are crazies alllllll over.
but Beth seems to have gotten an extra helping.
lucky us. *ornery grin*
perhaps tomorrow morning before I start my internet-deprived task for the day I can be almost last.... just kidding. I'm sure I'll be 5 or 10 from last. ;-)
btw does anyone else who watches Survivor yell at the television "you know, you stupid men wouldn't be in this position if you hadn't voted out all of the strong men in the beginning!" DUH!
hmmmmm?
258. Danielle said:
uh. sorry about all of the bold. I'm still trying to figure out the asterisk thing.... I think I'll refrain from now on.
259. Carol said:
Hoooorrraaayyyy!!! Life is good. I'm last!!
Last post of the night. Yes, it's me!! Me! ME!!
Oh, wait. Shit.
260. Aliesha said:
How ironic that the Google ad I see is for tupperware at Amazon.
Love the dance!
261. Sarah said:
I love everything about this photo -- the dancing, the smiling, the shoes, the jeans, and the Xterra. Love them Nissans.
262. Kay said:
Good Lord, girl. You have long legs. Yay for us tall, lanky chicks.
(P.S. I'd have to agree with Sarah - great shoes!)
263. Carol said:
Just read the link about the crazy neighbors. They seem to be in all fairness... NUTS!!
Be careful. Ew.
I have never thought you should fight orneryness with orneryness. I'm a lover not a fighter : )
But cliches aside. These peole are not normal. So do as you must.
264. curiouskiwi said:
I almost knocked over 2 Mormons on bicycles the other day when they crossed the street without looking.(1) But what I want to know is, do all Mormons on their mission wear black suits and ride bikes around town? Or is only the ones who come here to New Zealand?
(1)They must be from a country that drives on the opposite side of the road.
For Danielle, I used to live in Boston, and I used an old red milk crate to reserve my pahking spot. I left it behind when I moved to NZ. So if you see one, and you need to park your car, feel free to move it.
265. Sheryl said:
Danielle,
You're right about the Boston parking space-savers, of course.
I think they are mainly people who've been here for many years. Or been other places where you feel comfortable crushing someone else's wishes to make sure you get what you want. I mean there is a certain self-preservation here that is native, admirable in some respects and brutal in others.
A self-preservation that extends to your parking space on the street. To your kid at peewee football or hockey. It's deadly serious for some people.
[What to do with this $100 bill? I'm trying to dream up something]
266. kath said:
Dooce, you're adorable.
Melba, are you under the impression that a TRUCK is not a gas guzzler? You see, someone who calls their SUV a "car" might be pretending to pass it off as not being a gas guzzler, but not someone who (correctly, by the way) refers to it as a "truck".
267. Tracy said:
Sheryl - congratulations on the C-note from Heaven!
268. Dipali said:
Uma Thurman ! Dooce does looks like Uma Thurman ! I was watching Kill Bill 2 the other day and remmebered dooce..though Ive never seen her..
Do we remember people we dont see..
I hope we do..else it would make me sound creepy..which Im totally not !
269. Dipali said:
And Im going to be the last comment on this post... yay !!
270. GirlA said:
Bedtime story.
Dirty Deeds - Done With Sheep
Dr.Demento
If you're having trouble with your barnyard friends
You've got a thing for Ewweees
Been counting sheep
But your not in bed
Here's what you gotta do
Get off the barn
Stay off the Farm
Go read a nursery rhyme
Dialing 976 B-A-A-A
That kind of love's a crime
Dirty Deeds done with sheep
Dirty Deeds Little Bo Peep
Dirty Deeds done with sheep
Dirty Deeds and they're done with Sheep *baaa*
Dirty Deeds and they're done with sheep *baaa*
My friend, Larry, has a little lamb
Her fleece is as white as snow
He keeps bragging 'bout her night and day
Someone should tell him "no"
Look at the flock, they're all in shock
Here comes that mutton fan
Knock at the fleece, give them some peace
Don't be a Barnyard Man, No
Dirty Deeds done with sheep
Dirty Deeds Little Boe Peep
Dirty Deeds done with sheep
Dirty Deeds and they're done with Sheep *baaa*
Dirty Deeds and they're done with sheep *baaa*
Velcro Gloves, Knee Pads, Late Night Dates
DONE WITH SHEEP
Warning Signs, Electric Fences, *baa* High Voltage
DONE WITH SHEEP
Dirty Deeds
Don't tell them what I done to you
Done with sheep
Dirty Deeds
Dirty Deeds
Done with Sheep *loud groan/yell*
*baa, Baa*
Quiet Cows... I think the Shepards coming
271. Leon said:
Did you know that X-Terra is Latin for "rolls over easier than a hooker you can't pay"?
I'm just saying.
272. curiouskiwi said:
Okay, I'm trying to be the last comment, because I have no chance of ever being the first; that is, unless I set my alarm clock for 3am or something ungodly early. I can only take comfort in the fact that it is already tomorrow here. (my clock says 7:57pm on Friday, 19 November)
Oh, Dooce, loved the pic of Chuck as a chook, too.
273. Saladwhore said:
Damn, are your legs long and skinny enough?!
274. Dipali said:
last one..last one..
275. Toni said:
Not so fast, Dipali...
: )
276. kim said:
last, last, last..
277. domino said:
neener
:p
278. Dipali said:
na na na nya na..
279. Repo Woman said:
You childish, childish twits.
Trying to be
*rolls eyes*
280. Repo Woman said:
... l a s t.
sigh.
281. Peter Hentges said:
For the longest while, my girlfriend, who was raised in the suburbs of Chicago thought the words to the song that goes with that dance were "Have a tequila."
282. Repo Woman said:
[Ok. Uhhh, is this thing on?
Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3. Syphillis.
Lower bass.
Increase center speakers,
Shave off the left mic.]
Nanny Nanny Boo Boo!
I was first to post, after the sleep break!
Ha Ha Ha, I'm a laughing gnome and
You can't catch me!
283. Repo Woman said:
You know I'm bout it bout it
What? Huh?
You know
Huh?
It's like, you don't limit yourself to one thing
Your mama
Got to broaden your horizons
Broaden your joints
Keep your eyes on the prize
The struggle goes on
Eryday (ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha)
Eryday
And I'ma live it through my music
(ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha)
You know how we do
Choose or lose from it
284. Aubrey said:
I'm feeling you on the whole hair falling out/sprouting back in thing. Damn those baby hormones. Why they wanna make me look like a Munch chi chi?
285. Danielle said:
Another little story (yes, I know, brevity... I'll try). I really write these in an attempt to brighten your day, Dooce.
Last night, as I was reaching that semi-conscious state just before true sleep this is what I hear (mind you, I was cuddling on my hubby's chest, which means I now had only one functioning ear (the other blocked by his chest/heartbeat) and my glasses were off, so not much functional eyesight either):
mumble... mumble... "The left weevil!"... laughter... mumble mumble... " ... the right weevil!"
my ears perk up just in time to hear (roughly) Russell Crowe say in his Aussie accent "Don't you know that in the service, it is always important to choose the lesser of two weevils?!"
HA!
I just had to grin.
yes, my hubby was watching "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" during cuddle-time.
timing is everything.
286. popsicle said:
popsicle is last.
your realtor should be strangled, that lil mesophorph. what he should do is stop sleeping with his dog. jon should kick his ass just for shits and giggles...lil mesophorph.
im last !!
yeah!
287. Danielle said:
Oh, and a couple of side notes:
1) I had Hava Nagila stuck in my head this morning.
2) I meant to say yesterday and forgot, GREAT smile!
3) TGIF!
288. popsicle said:
'mesophorph' - like mesomorph, AND not standing more than 5'6" tall.
: ) !!
289. So very tired said:
Anyone else refreshing this screen every couple minutes?
290. Danielle said:
So, I was reflecting on this whole last/first thing and someone (EcoDad or someone like that) commenting about Americans and turning everything into a competition... and I was thinking about how the same thing happens with the train I take every day. You see, the commuter rail trains going into Boston stop in very nearly the same spot everyday (plus or minus about 6 inches if the driver is the same day after day). This creates a little "competition", if you will, to try to be the one where the door opens. Now, in the case of the train, there actually _is_ an advantage to getting on first (first choice of seats - and you want one kind of near the door, because exiting is like exiting an airplane... first row, second row, etc and can take a while). Most days, the competition is not as obvious (1 or 2 people)... but some days a little cluster of 5 people stand in a row along the platform (each where _they_ think the door will open). When that happens, and it stops and opens in front of you, you want to raise a little cheer. But of course, we all refrain... because you'll see most of these people again tomorrow.... waiting for the same train, in the same spot.
okay. gotta go.
'have at it' for being last. ;-)
291. So very tired said:
So. The first comment of the photolog generally comes in at around 7am.
Since it's just after 6am (according to the comments) I figure I've only got about an hour or so to go before the photo changes...
292. So very tired said:
Maybe I should try being both last and first...
293. blu said:
what kind of jeans are those?
294. So very tired said:
I wonder what time Heather wakes up?
(This is starting to feel creepy.)
295. Florida Girl said:
Ah but more importantly (and sorry if anyone mentioned this already) Leta is wearing TWO socks, one on each foot!
296. So very tired said:
Yes, that was mentioned earlier. Apology accepted.
297. Florida Girl said:
Danielle, live a little, shout your obligatory hoorah when the door opens in front of YOU! At least you know you'll make someone chuckle that day! How fun would that be!
298. So very tired said:
Ah so I'm not alone!
Come on, admit it, how many of you are there lurking out there, waiting for the picture to change?!
299. So very tired said:
And what are you doing while you wait?
300. Florida Girl said:
I am not really lurking, but since you mentioned it I will try to stick around so I can beat you to the punch! HAHAHAHAHA! No really, as soon as I surf to another page I will forget about 'being first' and won't remember until late this evening when I am changing a poopy diaper! The joys of motherhood!