Moments before I swallowed her cheeks whole
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Kat said:
First. Bitches.
2. Sarah said:
Damn.
3. Sara said:
Damn it!
4. Dale said:
Can't blame you at all!
5. Nelle said:
Holy crap, the cutness! It burns!
And is that RED hair?!
6. Sheri said:
LOL!
7. Sara said:
And... OH SO CUTE!
8. Sarah said:
She is unbelievably edible.
I've theorized that the reason some kids bite other kids is because adults around them are constantly saying things like, "I'm going to eat you up" or "I could just EAT you!"
My daughter, when she was about 2, bit a baby's head in daycare...didn't break the skin, thank God...but it was obvious to me that she did it out of pure LOVE. She was hugging the baby, and the next natural thing to do was to taste her!
9. Sondra said:
I will have you know that I blame you fully for any recent "I want a baby NOW!" kicks I have been on. And also for the fact that the D70 is on my christmas list. Therefore, my husband knows you by name, and I do believe you are on his shit list, for the above named reasons. ;)
10. So very tired.. (and off to bed now) said:
Good Morning Heather!
11. Kelli said:
WOOO!! SIX! I'm NUMBER SIX!
Yeah! Baby!
Oh sorry..
How could you NOT snack on those cheeks?! What a cutie!
12. Kelli said:
Oops. Make that 12. Damn, you people are FAST!
13. EyeDigress said:
Proof...I have documented proof for my husband. My dog's feet smell like Fritos as well and he doesn't believe me...
14. Angie said:
I believe baby cheeks taste extra good with buffalo sauce... not sure if you like that at all?!?!
15. Jennifer said:
Awwwww leta's a real cutie bum!
Don't they just steal your heart. I posted soem pics of me and my little fella. I wish I had degital, but all teh same he's cute. She takes great pics, adn you say she mc screams alot.. no evidence here of that!
jenn
16. Beth said:
Leta's looking a lot like her Mama in that picture -- especially like the childhood pic in the "Dooce Effect."
One reason not to swallow her whole: think of the constipation!
17. Jen said:
Oh the drool! It never ends. How are those teeth coming along?
18. Kel said:
Awww...what a cute little boy! Little fella? Realtors are douchbags. Our realtor proceeded to tell us about his former client that used to leave her thong underwear hanging in the laundry room. His exact words: "She was really fat and the string on that thing was HUGE!". He was the least creepy one that we interviewed. Pig.
19. Kel said:
Oh yeah, and what a cutie pie!
20. LadyBug said:
Adorable picture; lovely, plump little cheeks; beautiful (red?? as in septic tank poopy?) hair.
I must share something, as this seems the most appropriate forum for this particular type of sharing...
I had a throwing up/diarrhea/sweet-Jesus-just-kill-me-now stomach bug which started night before last and kept me home from work yesterday. When I got to work this morning, my boss (a very sweet and kind older gentleman) was asking me how I was feeling, etc. I had told him that, long after the throwing up, etc. had stopped, I still FELT absolutely horrible for most of the day.
And he said...(and he was totally being serious and sympathetic)...
"Yeah, that kind of thing can REALLY TAKE IT OUT OF YOU."
And I haven't been able to stop snickering.
21. HazelEyedPisces said:
SCRUMPTIOUS! Gobble 'em up for us.
22. Stacy said:
Eye- the question should be, do dogs' feet smell like fritos, or do fritos smell like dogs' feet?
23. 'nee said:
I she going to be a redhead?
24. BarefootGoddess said:
I put the D70 on my Christmas list too and my husband told me I needed to step back into reality
25. Chessy said:
Such cuteness! What amazingly expressive eyes. I can hardly stand the cuteness.
The cuteness of Leta sends a message directly to my ovaries. "Must. Have. Baby. Ignore. Husband's. Plea to wait. NOW. Baby."
Ah...Cave Ovaries. They can sure sweet talk a woman.
26. PKD said:
Babies don't have the same internal organ as children--it takes a while for those to develop. Starting at about 6 month, baby innards are composed mostly of one huge drool gland.
27. Tabbie said:
Yeah I agree with Sarah, the biting comments hit home. I apparently was edible enough in my childhood to daily come home from preschool with bite marks all over my back. I know little girls are supposed to be made of "sugar, and spice, and everything nice" but give us a break.
28. red said:
sometimes her hair has a red tint to it. you know i'm a little partial. ;-)
29. Colleen from NJ said:
If I were not big, fat 8 months painfully pregnant with my third boy, I wouldn't be able to concentrate for that "screamiing ovary" sound that others are experiencing. I could go for the girl, except what am I, nuts?
That little cherub looks magically delicious.
30. CDNRXBY said:
That is one adorable little girl you and Jon have there Dooce. But I still don't get how that realtor mistook her for a boy. Was it the plump full eyelashes or the big adorable eyes? Or perhaps the already forming female facial features! He seems more of a dork than you described him! :-) Either way Leta gets cuuuuter and cuuuter everyday! :-)
J in TO
31. kEma said:
I really want to point your attention to Leta's eyes. Instead of two normal eyes she got diamonds. I guess that still has to do with the Armstrong genes.
Kiss for our beautiful Leta!
32. Carol said:
Love the drool. There's nothing like getting slimed by your little one.
Both my boys were called "beautiful girls" when they were little. It doesn't matter. A compliment is a compliment.
33. Janis said:
You know, I think I may know this realtor. Might even be related to him. Are his initials C.B. By any chance?
If it's not the same one, there are two very short, strange realtors running round this town.
Last Thanksgiving dinner he kept making comments about my boobs. Well duh jerkoff I'm nursing twins they are going to be a bit huge. Just quit staring and eat yer damn mashed potatoes.
Maybe it's in the rule book.. You know... All short realtors must be freaks of nature, not only in stature but in personality.
Gotta love the Leta Butterball Cheeks!
34. ursula said:
She is so adorable.
35. Lesley said:
I had a smarmy realtor hand me his card (with his own photo on it no less) in the yard of the house we were looking at. Because he handed it over in such a smarmy index finger and tallman finger kind of flip, it fell out of his hand and stuck straight up into a dog turd--like a dog turd placecard holder!!! Oh how I laughed when he drove away in his shiny white Lincoln!
36. Fish said:
Marvellous--Now we get to play, "what's leta thinking in this photo?"
Here's mine: Mama, whatcha doin' wearing my bib...?
37. Kristine said:
I have the D70 on my list too. I had to go and research all the specs so I could actually make a good case for why I needed to have one. After the conversation that boiled down to, "Kristine, we have 5 kids that need presents." I had to use the last resort...I pulled up the picture of Chuck in Halloween costume and said, "But Honey, I want our children to be THIS cute in pictures."
Good morning other Dooce readers. It's FRIDAY!
38. Paige said:
Soooo nice to see a beautiful little girl without pink frills!
39. Em said:
yes - edible!!!! simply delicious!
40. Fish said:
"So I says to Mabel, I says: could ya' *belieeeve* that my momma dressed the dog as a chicken?"
41. Carol said:
"Mama's making more buffalo wings!! Mmmmmm...buffalo wings!"
42. Karen Rani said:
Well that little face makes me want to cancel hubby's vasectomy appointment that is scheduled for this afternoon.
We have two boys - Dylan is nearly 6 and Thomas is 4 months old. A girl is not in the cards for us.....sigh....but as Dylan puts it: "you don't want a girl Mommy. Girls are fancy, and fancy is expensive!"
Have a great day Dooce!
Hugs,
Karen
43. Gia said:
Look at that great hair! If you'd have been in my family, my grandfather would have paid you a grand for having a kiddo with red hair - he loved it that much...
44. Carol said:
"Now, if I can just ..get .. this ... sock.. off ...before she turns around.... keep smiling... oh, perfect, some drool... Got it!!
What? Goo.
45. Sarah said:
"We're going to Starbuck's again! Whoo hoo!!"
46. Beth said:
Now THAT is one fabulous shade of *non*-septic-tank-poopy-red! Again with the cute hammer!
47. Shannon said:
You guys have made a beautiful little girl!
When I was little, my mom would dress me in as much baby pink as she could find. She would even wrap my head in those ugly stretch ribbon things with a bow on top. And still people would congratulate my parents are their cute baby BOY! (Probably because I didn't have hair until I was 3...)
I'm adopted and my parents had tried to have a kid for 18 years before they found me in the cabbage patch. They were so PROUD to have me - their own precious baby girl!
My dad got so tired of having to explain that I was a girl! He eventually bought me a little baby tee-shirt that said "DAMMIT. I'm a girl!"
48. Todd said:
YES! I'M NUMBER....forty seven. Fuck.
49. Kieran said:
#48 is great! TGIF
50. Human Writes said:
That's exactly the same face my kids make when I'm feeding them Hawaiian Punch intraveiniously.
51. becaru said:
Not sure that kids become redheads. My niece had flaming red hair from birth; there was no mistaking it.
Leta's hair has red highlights, but I haven't seen any other pix of her that called out "Redhead"!!
She's bloody cute, Dooce.
52. The Mighty Jimbo said:
boobs frequently give me the exact same expression.
53. Littlehoney said:
haha Ladybug. That's funny.
I had that same bug. When I called my boss to let him know I wouldn't be in to work he said, "be careful." I'm still trying to figure out what that meant. teehee.
And Leta is an adorable little lady (sounds much better than fella) ;)
54. Littlehoney said:
Stacy, I think dogs' feet came before Fritos, but I'm just not sure. ;)
Other comparisons include the fact that Cool Ranch Doritos smell like Turkey poop. (yayaya I said poop!) I remember one time we were driving past a turkey farm and I smelled CRD and I was looking around the car at the other passengers to see who opened such a horrible smelling snack in such a tiny (windows closed) vehicle. Everyone laughed at me - I was a newbee to the whole turkey farm thing, I guess. (a fact of which I am very proud) haha
55. fawne said:
that is one cute baby!
56. Colleen from NJ said:
Mighty Jimbo... you're cracking me up!
57. Becca said:
She's so cute when she sqwaks. :)
58. MrsDoF said:
Such a beautiful baby Girl!
For Colleen (#29) and KarenRani (#42)(my browser has a counter, Thanks, Husband) the third time charm didn't work for us either. Three sons, all great guys.
And the vasectomy is a wonderful thing--Christmas and anniversary gifts year after year.
59. sab said:
Dear Santa,
Make that both of Leta's chubby cheeks!
60. sweetney said:
what a little dumpling...yummmm...
61. Sheryl said:
Leta Leta Bo Beeta Banana Fana Fo Feeta Me My Mo Meeta Leta
62. patti said:
Thanks for making me realize what a wonderful realtor I had (she was an acquaintance 1st) she sold our house in a week, and no creepy hittings-on!
63. pam said:
Our dog -- all of him -- smells like Doritos. Well, I guess any corn-based Frito-lay product could be substituted.
64. Sheryl said:
Leta is saying - "I'll have what she's having."
65. Fish said:
Re: "Thinking" entry for today:
Sick husbands everywhere appreciate your support.
66. Moxie said:
So when he's done torturing gingerbread boys, Lord Farquaad sells real estate??
67. Liz said:
And WHY must things smell like corn chips? I recall my cousin telling that she dated a guy because he had "a nice, Dorito-like odor." Nice?
68. Andreah said:
Oh, she is a treat isn't she? Damn, what a cute kid.
69. rj said:
Mmmmm. . . baby drool. So much more appealing than doggie drool.
70. Jeni said:
I love the way you love Jon. It makes my heart swell.
71. Susie said:
Today's "Thinking" really touched me; brought tears to my eyes. I feel just the same about my love. So blessed. Somehow there's a Thanksgiving prayer in that "Thinking," Dooce. Holy. Sacred.
OK, that's a little heavy for the venue, isn't it? Let's see . . . POOP! Of France!!!! Frito feet!
72. Jewel said:
i love your wonderful pictures!
73. ella's ma said:
I was thinking about scrambled eggs for breakfast, but my daughter's lusciously chewy cheeks are just screaming to be doused in butter and rolled in cinnamon-sugar. Thanks for the reminder that babies are the yummiest thing since......? Buffalo wings?
74. Andreah said:
Oh yeah dog feets do smell like fritos, I always thought they smelled like stale popcorn too.
Why are we smelling our dogs feet anyways? And why do my cats feet smell kinda good?
75. Jewel said:
i love your wonderful pictures
76. spring said:
Seeing how people are putting the D70 on their Christmas lists, you better be getting some kinda kickback from Nikon, Dooce.
77. Sheryl said:
"I love the smell of poptarts in the morning...smells like...victory."
78. Stacy said:
My cat's feet smell good because I saturate her litter with carpet fresh powder. Now everytime she pisses it smells like a gentle spring breeze.
79. Fish said:
What sort of amalgamation of nasty/not so nasty sources does the frito-smell come from on dog feet? I mean, come on. Dogs step in a lot of shiznit (some of it their own).
Maybe that frito-smell is to smells like brown is to colors. I wonder whether the bottom of my shoes smell like that, too ...
hmmmm *fish wonders pensively*
80. Fish said:
(no, I'm not smelling my shoes right now).
81. -leslie.- said:
I'm sorry your sweetheart is sick- I'm sure he knows all the appropriate home remedies so I will dispense from leaving them all here. However, if you don't have Traditional Medicinals Throat Coat tea, it's a godsend when you're all weak in the pookie. That's a technical term in my family, by the way. WITP is sometimes close to death if there is no relief from a stuffed up nose.
82. John said:
So how do you feel about being a "Post-modern Erma Bombeck" sharing her crazy life as per AdBrite's description sales description.
83. Kira said:
DOS MUCHOS!!!!!! I'm about to scream with my mouth shut...she's too much! Too much cute!
84. Kari said:
Dooce, you need a Hair category for your posts.
85. Terri said:
Heart melting perfection and innocence.
86. anne said:
I'm laughing here, picturing all of you out there in The World at Large sniffing your collective dogs' feet. You have to admit it makes a pretty funny mental image.
Of course, I too knew that dog feet smell like fritos, so I'm hardly exempt from the whole picture....
87. LadyBug said:
Okay, so now I'm gonna HAVE to smell my dogs' feet when I get home. My curiosity is absoLUTEly getting the best of me. We have a huge yellow lab and a small spring-loaded terrier-type mutt...So, I'm wondering...will BOTH dogs have Frito feet? Will they smell the same? Or might one have Chili Cheese Frito feet? Also, how the HELL will I get these rambunctious varmints to sit still long enough to 1) actually get a good, um, *sniff* and 2) do so without getting myself killed with jumping, drooling doggie affection?
88. Fraser said:
I was more interested in the Realtor with the Lexus.
89. D Brown said:
A friend of mine who is a veterinarian told me that that "Fritos" smell is a sign of a (usually minor) bacterial infection called Pseudomonas. He recommended washing the dog's feet with a non-irritating "surgical scrub" like ChlorhexiDerm, twice a day for a week (between the toes, too). Call your vet or visit the pet store to get some surgical scrub to treat pseudomonas.
90. Amber said:
Aww, she's so terribly cute. How can you live with so much cuteness?
I hope mine's that cute, and I sure he will be. :)
Love in Christ,
Amber <><
91. Fish said:
Huh. I guess the bottom of my shoes don't have bacterial infestations. I'm relieved.
92. TheNoseKnows said:
Didja ever notice that nursing puppies have breath that smells like coffee?
93. GirlA said:
Smell My Feet Gimme Somethin Good To Eat
94. Josh said:
So here's what I'm wondering. If Dog's feet smell like Frito's, and this is because of a bacterial infection, What the hell are they putting into my Frito's???
Suddenly the world has shifted.
95. Fish said:
Dooce:
We on your comment page have decided that you should not give Leta any fritos because of the horrible bacterial infestation that is SURE TO RESULT.
sincerely,
Your Readers
96. UGGGH said:
Just looked it up on the web...It's the yeast and fungus! Pseudomonas is a mild fungus! Dog's feet smell like corn and cheese (Doritos) because of the fungus and microorganisms (yeast) that grow after you walk in mud and, well, shit
97. Tracy said:
Man - I know where my dog's feet have been... you all are braver than I, huffing your pup's toes. It's bad enough that she jumps on our bed when we're not looking and humps our pillows. We call it 'Gina Dancing (there's even a theme song for it, to the tune of the Chili Peppers' "Rollercoaster").
Still, here's to suffering the slings and arrows of inappropriately lusty, Frito-smelling dogs and sleep-deprivingly sick (or snoring, fit to shake the paint off the walls) husbands... In the sagacious words of Huey Lewis, that's the power of love.
98. anne said:
Frito feet are NOT necessarily indicative of a Pseudomonas infection! NOT! I've worked in veterinary medicine for 15 years -infected paws are itchy, red, raw, flaky, etc. Normal, uninfected dog paws have an odor -from natural flora. The same thing is true of your breath, your armpits, and various and sundry other body parts... these flora only become a problem if there is overgrowth. I'm sorry, I had to correct D. Brown.
Enough out of me. No more talk of fritos out of this woman.
99. julie said:
How in the WORLD have I gone thru life without knowing the glory of NOSE SPRAY. Holy shit. why did someone wait until i was THRIRTY to tell me about this. Stuffed up.. take some nose spray and SLEEP THRU THE NIGHT! what a breakthru in medicine! It has it's drawbacks, of course, but when you haven't been sleeping because of a CRAPPY, shitty , dry, hot stuffed up nose... a good night of sleep thanks to my little target-brand bottle of nose spray (that was $1.67!!!!) is a GODSEND. hmm.. will i get smited for relating nose spray to god?
100. april said:
can we keep the comments to things about like, heather and leta and jon and chuck and that dicksmack realtor and not 'oo-hey-i'm-first?' 'cause that's just...silly.
101. Fish said:
Anne: could you and D Brown take this outside? Your upsetting the baby.
102. the niffer said:
I kinda have a hankering on for bacterial infestation.
103. anne said:
Fish - I'm so ashamed. I can't believe I just used Dooce's comments page to fight about the odor of dog feet. Sigh. I'm not having a good week.
Forgive me, all.
Let's get back to talking about Leta and Chuck and Heather's funny, funny writing.
104. Sheryl said:
(respect anne's comment, but I couldn't resist)
Tracy, all I can think of now is:
Pseudomonas of Love
Oh yeah it's Pseudomonas time
Lovin' you is really wild
Oh it's just a love pseudomonas
Step right up and get your tickets
Your love is like Pseudomonas baby, baby I wanna ride Yeah...
105. Wondering how many letters I can type into the name field be said:
bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay
106. wixlet said:
what color are leta's eyes these days? they look hazely here.
107. beachgal said:
Wow, she is so cute. How does she feel about long distance relationships? My 12 month old would love to gobble up those cheeks, too!
Matchmaking already, and I've told him he can't date till he's 30.
108. christy said:
I too have a realtor that is so cheesy we call him Cheesy Paul. That's even how his name is programmed in my phone. And I know one of these days I am going to slip and call him that to his face.
He likes to say "frickin" a lot, I think because it makes him feel young and tough. Two things he is not. And he has a bad mustache and does that "thumbs up pointin' atcha" thing waaaay too much.
I hate him with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.
My url link goes to his picture so you can get the full effect.
109. the niffer said:
Wow Christy. That pic is screamin cheese.
110. Susie said:
I, for one, thank you, Anne. I LIKE my dog's Frito-smelling feet and had no intention of "treating" them, which made me feel like a very bad dog-mom after reading some of these comments. Let us just let them be. Geez.
111. Fish said:
Christy: Holy shit, he is cheesy.
112. Andreah said:
Oh Christy, you poor thing. He is not so cute.
113. butterstar said:
We had a cat named cinnamon. Which naturally morphed into cinn-A-mon-EZ, which disgusted my mom b/c it sounded like "pseudomonas"...guess what the cat got called for the last several years of his life?
(Shouldn't a mom know better?)
Beautiful chubby cheeks! I do NOT want another baby...I Do NOT...(repeat until believed)
114. kari said:
Baby envy!! Baby envy!!
115. eco2geek said:
Wow, who knew there was such widespread Realtor (R)* hatred out there?
Just because your Realtor (R) is a douche-bag doesn't mean ALL Realtors (R) are douche-bags.
Like my wife, who's a Realtor (R).
You insensitive clod.
Did you know that the term Realtor (R) is trademarked? :-)
116. Sheryl said:
Maybe Leta is thinking:
"I don't feel like crawlin but -
Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!"
117. eco2geek said:
For the love of Christ, will *someone* in the know please tell us what characters do what type of formatting in this blog's software?
118. moose said:
Christy, that picture says cheese a thousand times. Made me laugh out loud.
Speaking of cheese, Leta is thinking, " ...Are those cheddar fish crackers? Mama! I love you!"
119. Gretchen said:
It's the first time I've ever thought she looked like YOU rather than a xerox of Jon!
120. Rainman said:
Definitely don't see the word "douche-bag" anywhere but in eco2geek's post. Definitely not. No douche. No bag. Not in Dooce's post on realtor guy. Not in comments. No reference to douchebags. Definitely. Except in eco2geek's post. Definitely.
Uh oh. Thirteen minutes to Judge Wapner and ‘The People’s Court.’
K-Mart sucks.
121. Fish said:
More Leta thoughts:
*playing with TIVO remote again*
OOOHHHHH, so THAT's what "reconvening the procedure" means...
122. GirlA said:
Leta: Chuck! Duuuuuude. Can I have a hit off that too?
123. Tracy said:
For the record, our Realtor ® in San Diego was a golden goddess - 100% sweetheart, patient and thorough, and yet an ultimate ass-kicker in negotiation with the sellers. When our house closed, she gave us this gorgeous flower pot with our last name and new address engraved in it. If anyone in central/north San Diego needs a reference, let me know...
124. Shiz said:
Her eyes are GORGEOUS.
125. HDC said:
Damn, you have the most sickeningly adorable family on the planet. Either that or the new meds your doc has got you on are working far, far better than ever expected. Can you share a bit ? ;)
Its good to see you doing so well! It puts a smile on my face everyday when you post these great little blurbs of happiness and pictures melting with cuteness. It makes the scary
126. HDC said:
bah, silly clickable trackpad! posted half a minute too soon...
I meant to finish by saying that all the good stuff you post makes the scary prospect of spawning off my own child processes seem that much less scary =). So much goodness yet to be had....
127. Amanda B. said:
Damn Christy! You're realtor is yummy!
128. Carrie said:
How is it possible that she gets cuter every day?!?
129. c said:
While discussing the fact that our dog's feet DO smell like fritos, my 18 y/o son said he noticed that his own feet sometimes smell like microwaved buttered popcorn.
Christy's realtor picture looks like he could be a features columnist for the Onion.
130. GirlA said:
ooo baby
Your stinky feet are giving me the munchies.
131. pleasewipemybutt said:
I cannot believe how much that child looks like her father. She's beautiful.
132. MIchelle said:
A few quick notes:
1. Tell Jon I am glad he spit out that damnbug Lexus or NOT no one should have to swallow a moving bug (or a dead one)
2. Your realtor is a sleaze but really who cares if you get the house of your dreams.
3. Thanks for the great tip on exercising a dog. We have Marley who we affectionaly call the Labradore Leaveit. She does not retreive either. I mean at all. I will throw the ball - she will run to it, lie down and chew on it. I will try your tip. I hope anti anxiety pills work as well as the anti psychotics!!
133. Gordon said:
whoo hoo...I am...#133...
All these cute baby picture are only giving my wife ammunition to have a kid of her own...not necessarily by me, if I don't cooperate.
134. mihow said:
Oh my, Christy, your realtor looks a bit like Ricky Gervais from The Office. Too bad he's the real deal, tho. Because Ricky is fucking brilliantly funny.
135. mihow said:
Let's compare. Assuming HTML works:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/characters/images/david_points_640...
136. ? said:
Wonder what is going to happen when the web master at Century 21 Charleston IL finds all the hits that come from Dooce.com?
137. christy said:
Hmmm ... I wonder if they pay that much attention. It's a very small office.
138. Sheryl said:
Maybe they have a sophisticated web analytics package tied into their Marketing & Business Information Systems - calculating hits on his name and sales, comparing them with others' performance ratios.
Sorry this is the kind of crap I do all day long.
139. eco2geek said:
Sheryl -- Very doubtful. These Realtor (R) types are private contractors who typically have to pay for everything, including their desk space and their Web sites. The only numbers his office cares about are his sales numbers.
Do *you* know how what formatting marks this blog software uses? I got the asterisks for *bold* part and the underlines for _italic_ part and the -- em dash part and the (R) marcas registrada part, so far. I think.
mihow -- Love your blog. You and your husband both look so damn _young_. Did you move back to the East Cost?
140. Diana said:
Is Leta a red head or is it the light? :-/
141. victoria said:
So sorry! I was one of the people who sent the annoying dog-training emails post-chewing episode . . . of course I didn't realize that you were being deluged with hundreds of other similar well-meaning, annoying emails/comments.
Will work on my readerly etiquette.
142. moose said:
eco2geek: how do the em dash and registered mark work? share the wealth, please.
143. Amy said:
Heather, if there are any leftover cheeks, please put them in some MICROWAVEABLE Tupperware and save them for me. They don't look like they need BBQ sauce, either.
144. mihow said:
eco2geek: Thanks for the kindness. We do look young. He, more so than myself. :] But we're not as young as we appear. I'm in my 30s. But I did rob the cradle to a certain degree. (I have him by 4 years).
We move back to NYC on Monday from SF. Driving Interstate 40. Gonna hit up the southwest instead of going straight down the middle.
145. eco2geek said:
Oh, the em dash is just two dashes -- in a row. And the (r) is just an r in parentheses. From which one might guess that (c) and (tm) work the same way. Or not.
Maybe we should just leave this as a fun process of discovery, rather than having it laid out. :-) It may just be "Textile":http://mt-plugins.org/local/textile.php on Movable Type.
146. 0123 said:
So, like what the fuck is wrong with Realtor® saying something about hot chicks? Seems to me he's on safe ground with that comment.
147. christy said:
this is so informative. very interesting.
148. MelissaS said:
I feel like the least loving wife today because last night my husband coughed up a lung right next to me and I punched him in the stomach and told him to take some god damn delsym.
Life is still good though....right?
149. Becka said:
kids can turn redheads. i was born with dishwater blonde hair, started coming in quite dark red when i was about 13 years old. it's completely red now*L*
150. 80 said:
That last "thinking" made me all warm and fuzzy inside. Shmoopy.
151. DM said:
I'm really happy that you have that kind of love. It's what I like to call the "big kiss." And your kid? Totally adorable.
152. heathabee said:
Beautiful Post, Heather.
After struggling with depression myself and feelings of wanting to die (not so much suicidal, but just 'i don't want to be here anymore'), I really appreciate your post.. and I'm sure that hundreds more will too...
Depression is the scariest thing I've ever been through - its a feeling of absolute helplessness, feeling worthless and no stability. It hurts to live and it sucks HUGE.
Thanks again for the post, it's so important for people who are going through it to know that they aren't alone and that their feelings can't be understood and therefore talked about!
:)
153. heathabee said:
and by 'can't be understood' i mean CAN be understood. eesh. what a typo.
154. quoththeraven said:
I, too, have spent my life dealing with depression, and have had to re-live a lot of scary personal moments while helping my live-in boyfriend get help for what turned out to be bipolar disorder. Thanks for being so open, there are a lot of people out there you're speaking for.
155. Lauren said:
Leta's teething isn't she? *stepping around the elephant in the room*
156. Human Writes said:
Heather, I too have endured the catastrophic lows of depression and I actually work for a large behavioral health care company. I think what you've written here today is exceptionally powerful and important.
I agree: depression (and mental illness in general) is tragically underestimated by the world at large. I know this because before my own episode, the disease wasn't even on my radar screen. The transparency of mental illness in our society is due in large measure to the reluctance of people to discuss it because of the very strong social stigmas associated with it. The only way that can be broken is by people like you sharing their feelings and experiences. Props to you for doing so.
157. It's fall, Seattle is getting grey. said:
Dooce, thanks for what you said about the big D today. Heavy stuff there. After reading that, I finally decided to call my doc and I'm probably going to go back on the wellbutrin (mild case, it's seasonal methinks).
Anyways, thanks for being a positive influence....peace.
158. Kristina said:
dooce, thanks for your post. I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder two years ago, and I know what it's like to have constant suicidal thoughts. Thanks for being able to say what lots of people can't.
159. slick said:
the drool part is my favorite :)
160. Bruce said:
dooce - you are awesome - it's the occasional story like that one that makes me come check your site 5, 6, 7, sometimes 12 times a day.
much love & respect.
161. andrea said:
I love that Leta. And thanks for today's entry.
162. bunny said:
Dooce, you are so absolutely right...I have bipolar type two.
A physical illness, and yet there are still people who should know better that act like if you just put your mind to it and thunk happy thoughts all would be just fine.
My only consoling thought is that at least they have never had to go thru the hell of depression, for if they had they would never say anything so incredibly stupid.
,
163. StacyG said:
Thanks for your post about your neighbor and depression. My dad shot himself 14 years ago at Midnight on New Years. I appreciate your honesty with your struggles and am so happy you were strong enough to get the help you needed for yourself, Jon, and especailly for Leta.
164. Leon said:
Me thinks little Leta has gotten into the Armstrong hootch cabinet.
She's got the distinct haggard look and uncontrollable drool of someone who's hit the tequila hard.
165. Laura C. said:
Dooce, I love you. I love your insights and honesty in the Depression post. You made me realize that getting an A on this research paper is NOT all that important.
Or at the least, I can write it in the nude. Why not have some fun with it?
You're welcome for the mental picture.
166. Depressed said:
Thank you so much for your post. I will also be calling my doctor Monday morning to schedule an appointment for more help. Even on meds I don't feel any better than without them.
I want to sing and dance and be happy, I just don't know how to get to that point.
167. Erin said:
Dooce, great photo. And your entry about suicide made me weep. I'm so glad for you and your family that you are better. :)
168. Janis said:
Heather,
I just finished reading your post about your sister's neighbor.
Almost 22 months ago, my world came crashing down around me when my 16 year old daughter, Marrissa, took her own life. She had BiPolar disorder and was on medications to treat it, in therapy. We thought we were finally winning the battle. She was doing the best she had been in years.
On January 27, 2003, she got up, rode the bus to school, changed into her prom dress, went out to the bleachers... The police came to tell us that she was gone. She had hung herself.
Suicide is a loss like no other. There is a stigma attached to mental illness, to depression. Even more so when suicide is added in. People are afraid to talk about it. The school would not do much beyond getting grief counselors because if they "glorify" suicide, others might copy cat.
If you think the wife might like to talk to someone who has been there, or if she needs some resources for herself, for her kids, please contact me or feel free to pass on my email. I know of some excellent ones both local and online.
You can email me and I'll send you my phone number - I'm local- in West Jordan. I'm willing to help in anyway I can.
I know that often times, those left behind after a suicide grieve in silence. We don't want others judging our lost loved ones or worse, judging us, blaming us.
I'm so glad that you got the help you needed. I totally understand about the bills. I'm still fighting with my insurance over some things. I too, have great coverage. It sucks that you have to fight over who pays what.
My deepest sympathies go out to this family and to all who know and love them.
I'm here if you need me.
169. Christilee said:
To: Dooce
http://spankyourcat.blogspot.com/2004/11/i-fucking-love-dooce.html#comments
170. Amanda B. said:
I too have had a long hard battle with depression. I've tried everything from drugs, to food, to cutting to make the pain GO AWAY.
Things didn't get better for me until I sought professional help. It took a while to find the right meds for me, but it's been well worth it. (effexor- by the way has worked wonders for me)
I went through extensive thearapy, where I learned that I wasn't defective, or weak, or a bad person.
I take my illness very seriously- and see it now as just that. I have to take good care of myself-by talking things out, taking my meds, and most of all- not being so damn hard on myself.
Thanks to Heather for sharing her story.
171. Amanda B. said:
And Janis- my thoughts and prayers are with you. Bless your sweet heart for sharing your story too.
172. Carol said:
Well, I just don't know what. I usually read through all the comments. But this one actually MEANT something. Really. Big.
So I'm just going straight to the bottom to comment. I don't even know what I'm going to say. But maybe, Thanks!!? I think this is about the best I've read from you yet. Suicide and depression has touched my family as it has all families. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but something to get help for. Thanks for sharing your story. I guess that's all I really can say. Thanks.
Oh, and God Bless You.
173. Jenny P said:
Dooce,
I hear you on the depression. I too, seek to destigmatize mental illness. Thanks for your help.
174. Carol said:
Janis and Amanda B.--
God bless you, too. Be well. Have fun and try to be happy. I've never had a problem with depression myself, but have been affected by it in every aspect of my life (husband, friends, family, etc.) The best thing to do is get help. You know that already. So, I guess, THANKS to you also for sharing. JUST REMEMBER: You are very brave and strong for dealing with it in the first place.
175. Tracy said:
Wow, Dooce - your latest entry was full of such great perspective. I think your candor about depression does so much good for helping people come to understand that it's an equal-opportunity ass-kicker, and it can and should be treated just like any other malady.
I'm glad you're here. =)
176. Kelli said:
Yes, I too have battled major depression for about 6 years now, and I have tried many many medications and many many med cocktails. I've seen several psychiatrists, one who I still see and who is fantastic, and two wonderful therapists. And I spent a week in the hospital just over a year ago b/c I was suicidal. It is absolutely the worst pain there is, the feeling of utter hopelessness, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
My grandfather committed suicide just over three years ago, and the last thing he said to me was, "Don't you do anything crazy, now." because I was feeling very suicidal and the drugs just weren't working. Then, just a short while later, he shot himself.
I saw first hand what his suicide did to our family - to my mom, my grandmother, my uncles and cousins. The worst part was that I understood how he must have been feeling. And no one should ever have to understand that feeling.
But, today, after finding a psychiatrist who is talented with finding the right mix of medications, I am better. Not 100%, and I don't really know if I will ever be 100% depression free. It will always be a battle for me, I think. But every day that I don't spend wondering "how can I go on?" is a win for me.
The fact is, there are a lot of medications out there. Sometimes it's not the first or second or third drug you try that works. Sometimes it takes a combination of drugs to treat the depression. Sometimes you need therapy and meds. Sometimes you need a hospital 'vacation'. Sometimes you need ECT (yes, they still do it, and it can be highly effective for the right person). But the most important thing is holding on to whatever gives you hope, and finding a mental health professional who is talented in treating depression.
Thanks, Heather, for sharing your story. It makes a powerful impact.
177. nance said:
It's amazing how much of an impact your posts have on all your readers. Thanks for sharing your stories- the ones that make us cry and the ones that make us laugh until our bellies jiggle. Thanks for sharing your life with us. and thanks for the photos of leta (esp. the one up there ^)
178. Christine said:
Many thanks to you for the post about depression. I've been dealing with it since I was a teenager, and I can truly say that having another major depressive episode is the only thing I fear in my life. Every other issue I contend with is a *breeze* in comparison to it.
You (and others) may find this book interesting:
"Undercurrents" by Martha Manning. She is a clinical psychologist who is battling clinical depression herself. Just look for it on Amazon; read the reviews. It's a great book and really inspired me during some of my darkest days.
Thanks again. My wish is for you to be well, too.
179. hayley said:
about your problem getting your insurance to pay for psychiatric treatment.... i can't believe they won't consider it a serious illness. i've seen too many friends rendered useless by its grip.
this past week i was watching the news (here in canada) and a group of transvestite protestors are trying to get the government to add sex-change operations to the list of what our national health care plan covers. their argument is that it causes serious depression and many people who don't get the operation attempt suicide. and you know what i say to that? when the government FIRST steps up and pays for the treatment, therapy and medication of THOUSANDS of people struggling with regular depression, then MAYBE, just MAYBE you could think of asking for this.
what do you think would cost more, a few bottles of zoloft or a penis removal/vaginal construction surgery?
sorry, ranting. i just thought it related to your story. i'll just be going now...
180. Karen Rani said:
Heather,
You saved my life.
You saved my family.
I wrote to you a little while back, via email about my own PPD. I didn't think I could handle things anymore. I had very very bad thoughts, including suicide and worse. I was afraid to tell my husband, my doctor, anyone. I was afraid someone would come and take my kids away from me for thinking these thoughts. I was afraid of myself.
Until you told us about your hospital stay.
You saved my life.
You saved my family.
Since that post, I told my husband, who has been so very supportive. We went together and told my doctor, who has been wonderful too. I'm on medication that isn't entirely working and I'm going back to see my doctor again, on December 7th for more help.
You saved my life.
You saved my family.
Please know that by sharing your story, you are accomplishing your goal of breaking stigmas on mental illness. Please know that you taught me that a good mother reaches out for help when she needs it. A good mother takes care of herself so she can take care of her children.
You saved my life.
You saved my family.
I cannot thank you enough.
Every time I sign off to you with "Hugs, Karen," I truly am sending you a heartfelt hug. There are no perfect words to thank you but I repeat those two sentences to you to illustrate to you, that there is a real person here, with a real 36 year old husband downstairs who has a bag of frozen peas on his nutsac right now because he had a vasectomy today! There is a real 6 year old boy who is brillant and funny, and a real 4.5 month old boy that is really starting to laugh more and cry less - oh and a real prissy Black Lab mix named Ruffy who's job it is to keep us safe at night. I can't forget Ruffy. She won't let me hit "post" if I do! We eat dinner together every night; we curl up on the sofa and watch movies together; we go for walks and bike rides and go sledding and camping and have Sunday dinner at Gramma and Papa's. We love each other unconditionally. That's the family you saved.
You saved my life.
You saved my family.
One of these crazy days, I'll start my own blog, and you can read all about this family, and the woman who holds them all in her vulnerable heart.
Hugs,
Karen
181. Carol said:
Here's what I think of when I'm sad...
My dad (we were VERY, Very close!!) died suddenly two years ago ( And I was seven weeks pregnant at the time), my marriage is in shambles because my husband, who I love more than anything, has serious mental illness, and We are poor. I have fallen out of touch with my sister over my father's death. And my husband gets laid off two weeks before my second child is due. Nice. Could you give me any more trouble, Life? Please. I'd like just a little more.
Do you know what I think?
(And I'm just trying to give some perspective...)
I think..
the sky is blue
the air is pure
my kids are amazing
the trees are green - I mean really green!
life is to be LIVED!
life is too short to be unhappy or negative or complacent.
do what you want.
be free
be happy
just be.
oh, and go see harold and maude, because it might be a little depressing on the surface, but if you really listen to it, it's the best, most life-affirming movie out there.
peace. be happy. do what you want. don't judge. and don't be judged.
And in the words of Maude:
L-I-V-E Live! Otherwise, you've got nothing to talk about in the locker room!!
182. AndreaBT said:
That totally sucks that your insurance is dragging its feet on covering your depression related stuff!!! I've dealt with this in a slightly different way...being underinsured (and now UNinsured) and having to prioritize my health issues. Like, thyroid maintenance has to come first because, well, I could probably die if it got out of control. But, um, does that mean my depression has to come second, even though I could die if THAT got out of control? And forget even thinking about my fertility issues (which thankfully resolved themselves eventually). Health care in this country sucks. It's almost enough to make me want to be a Democrat...:)
Anyway, thanks for today's post. I'm so glad you're still around and doing better, and I hope your insurance company GETS THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR BUTTS!!!!!
183. Carol said:
Karen Rani-
I've seen your name when you post comments..
and I NEVER cry on this site. Ever.
Well, your post just made me cry. Like a baby. Because you ARE a good mom. Good luck to you wherever you are..
Love,
Carol
184. Karen Rani said:
Carol,
Please don't cry. I am doing well. Heather was awesome in making me understand that a good mom gets help and that's what I did. Thank gawd for "Ex-Mormon Mommy Bloggers!"
Thank you for your well wishes - they mean alot!
Hugs,
Karen
P.S. I know I spelled brilliant wrong up there - of all the words to spell wrong! Geesh!!!! :)
185. Karen Rani said:
Oh and Carol,
I hope things look up for you. You seem like a person with a positive attitude though, so I'm sure they will.
186. Carol said:
Karen Rani-
That is the one thing I do have going for me. I am VERY positive. Sometimes I wonder why, but then I just go with the flow. So, whatever happens, I know I'll probably be happy. Whatever, Bitch, you say??? BUT there's a LOT of soul searching and troubled times that goes into that happiness. Other than a medical thing (i.e. depression, bipolar disorder), I think it's a decision you make. Be happy or not.
Anyway, I commend you and Dooce and others on getting help. I know my husband and I are. (we're in therapy now) And you know what?? THAT MAKES ME HAPPY!!
AH, LIFE!! Ups, downs, ups, downs, in betweens.... *giggle*
187. blondzila said:
Heather
Bravo. It takes great courage to do what you did and say what you said regarding your depression and suicide. I was diagnosed in September 2003 with bipolar disorder and there are weeks on end where I think about suicide every day. I sometimes have the insight to realize that it's the disease talking, that it's the chemistry in my brain that is doing it, nothing deliberate on my part. But such thoughts are quite lonely ones. You hit the nail right on the futhermucking head - the stigma of mental illness is more tainting than any scarlet letter ever will be. I am a grown woman, 36, with a great job, a fantastic family, an IQ borderline into Mensa category and I've had the damned luck of this disease. You say you have a mental illness and people automatically derate your IQ 20% and hold their children back from you. Congratulations Heather on the courage and on the luck of having such a supportive family.
188. Amanda B. said:
Carol- You are so sweet! Thankyou for your kind words. Life is good, and you have helped make my day warm and fuzzy. :)
189. Carol said:
OK, forgive me. But I'm going to spout....
My dad died. My world came CRASHING down. Pregnant. Daddy (my world) will never see him. Husband lost his job. We have two kids now. WHAT THE FUCK IS NEXT!??
Here's what's next...
Your life. Sistah. Either choose it or loose it. (Now I am NOT taking away from illness - that's different, but this is for those people who are just going through a hard time)
BUT, Life is good. No matter what, things will work out. It might take a while. But they will.
Here's the one thing I wanted to say, and I'm a little afraid to, here, because it seems religious. Well, it's not.
My dad talked to me. No, I'm not crazy. I swear. He did. He talked to me after he died (actually, he said "thank you for holding my hand" IN THOSE WORDS - IN MY HEAD) and he gave me the most amazing feeling driving down the street. Like everything is OK. And everything IS OK. What's the worst that could happen? You hold your dying father's hand and watch his very last breath come out of him. And you learn. And you carry on. As hard as it is. You do.
So, I guess here's what I'm trying to say.... If your parent is dying, hold their hand. Buck up and take it, because you will be glad that you did. This life is for Living and Experiencing. And that is one of the experiences.. for you and them.
Hope I don't sounds nuts. Because I'm not. I'm just saying.
190. Carol said:
P.S. Amanda B. - I love to read your posts. You are so funny and great. You're the best!!!!
191. DG said:
I *never* read all the comments here. But, tonight, I sorta kinda skimmed them.
And now my face is wet because of that beautiful girl called Karen Rani.
♥DG
192. Carol said:
I think I'm the last one up. That, or I freaked everyone out. Anyway, Amanda B. - I just checked out your website... do you realize you look just like Ashley Judd?? I'm sure you've heard that before, and believe me, I AM NOT as ass-kisser (Dont' like em. Don't wanna be one!!) But you do.
OK, night night, Internet. But probably not just yet.
193. me said:
I totally applaud you for bringing such issues up.. suicide, depression.. My brother committed suicide 13 years ago at the age of 20. The more people out there who understand, and / or seek help for the disease the better. About time the stygma of depression became history DAMMIT!
194. MrsDoF said:
Carol (#192)Whaddya mean you are the last one up? My clock just touched 11pm and it's Friday night, for cryin' out loud.
That's what I'm doing, crying out loud.
What are you folks doing, putting such heart-rending Post and comments on right before I get ready for bed? TGIF
Depression in the family, suicide of a relative, oldest son gone prodigal. We are working through all that.
My scariest time was when I got a phone call from the ER nurse saying my husband had been in a bicycle accident on his lunch hour.
They sent him home that evening, but the last three months have not been the same, and we are working on that, too. Insurance pays when it's a broken bone, but his dizziness and stuttering need more willpower, so we're told. The Ct scan shows no brain injury. I live with him, ya can't tell me there are no lingering effects.
Thank You Carol and Dooce for Affirmation.
195. Sheryl said:
Heather, I don’t know what to say.
I have a lot of empthathy for people who are struggling with mental illness. I grew up in a family where mental illness was the norm. My mother has been diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, alcoholic. I’ve probably been struggling with depression in one way or another all my life but didn’t know it. I’ve spent most of all my years trying not to know, trying not to feel. And succeeding very well.
She had her first major break after my dad was killed in a car accident when I was 6. As a kid, I thought those stories on the Twilight Zone were all true. My mom was living in an alternate universe all the time.
We lived in our car, in trailer parks, in fancy condominiums. I spent nights at the park with my little brother when she was really bad off, and we were afraid to be alone with her. When it was too dangerous to be near her. I moved 50 times before I went to high school, spent 4 months at a time just riding in the car up and down I5 while she talked to God to try to figure out what to do, let God steer the car. We went days without food. We waited in rented by the week motels for my mom while she wandered in the Arizona desert and stared at the sun until she was legally blind. I attended about 6 weeks of 6th grade. I remember everything clearly, precisely, everything except for how it felt.
I don't understand what it means to be afraid or angry or disappointed, to need help or be able to ask for it. I am in therapy, but it's taken me 3 years to cry even once.
Anyway, I'm really not ready to get into all that about me. It also freaks me out when I feel empathy from others about this. To see more feeling in them than I have in my self about it. I know it's in there somewhere, I just don't know how to find it.
There's an old saying that goes something like: Courage is only really courage if you're afraid. Heather, I admire you so much - for the fact that your mind and your body and your voice can all express the same thing. That you've been able to get angry, to not be perfect, to be sad, to just let it rip. To seem to know it's not going to destroy you or define you. To have the balls to admit you're afraid, or weak, or vulnerable, that you need help and need other people.
To have the balls to say that you want to have a good life, family and love, children, a home (all that stuff seemed like dust in the wind to me). It's not that I don't want that stuff too, I just never let myself know it, until 3 years ago.
My boyfriend moved in with me, that was the beginning of the end of me thinking that the future was a beautiful, euphorically blank blinding white slate. One day I went grocery shopping and saw a Forbes magazine, the cover of which had a family, a mom a dad and two kids on swings. It said: Plan for children, homes, summer homes, college, retirement, weddings. I threw up on my shoes. That was the first time I realized anything was wrong with me. I had never thought about having any of those things before, never wanted them.
Heather, when you say what you want, what pisses you off, what makes you despair, what you're afraid of, it inspires me to believe that all those feelings can co-exist without destroying a person. That is courage to me.
And so are the things you've all expressed tonight (an other times) here.
196. nik said:
"If God brings you to it, he will bring you THROUGH it"
197. Carol said:
MrsDoF-
I am so sorry that happened to your husband. Dizziness and stuttering seem to be a HUGE deal ( I don't need to tell you that!). Just keep trying to get him the care he needs. And realize it'll all work out. (Do I have sunshine flying out my ass tonight or what??) But I feel for you. I can't imagine having my spouse in an accident. I think that might change my outlook. THAT would be oh so HARD.
I hope you are OK. I have friends who are pretty good (i.e.Mayo) doctors. If you are ever wondering about treatment, please email me. I would be happy to ask them.
I hope and pray that your husband recovers fully.
Love,
Carol
198. Amanda B. said:
Carol- I don't think you are crazy. I think you have an awesome attitude and a kind heart. (ashley judd? wow! I looooove you)
Sheryl- you have brought so many giggles to me over the past few weeks. I won't get all up in yo bidness. But I am sorry you've had a hard time and I am sending happy thoughts your way.
199. trisha said:
Thank you for your depressionpost. I have it too, and I applaud you. I applaud me.
From the bottom of my heart, Thank You.
200. trisha said:
And Leta is Beautiful.
201. Sheryl said:
AmandaB,
Thanks -
And you've really made me guffaw acutely. Woman I like your style.
There are a few extraordinary and refreshing perspectives that hang out here. I am glad I bumped into Dooce. Even though she inspired me to a confessional with feeling attached. Ok, that was a good thing. Just hard.
You know how some people accept you as you are, but challenge you to grow. Just by bein theyselves.
202. Carol said:
Sheryl-
Oh my God. I don't even know what to say about that. Except, I'm sorry that you've had a rough road. My husband's life is so similar. He can't feel or show emotion. He grew up with a crazy father. And a very passive mother.
His dad is probably paranoid schizophrenic, but they are too afraid to find out!
You must think this... I have gotten this far. I can go even farther. The fact that you are on a website talking to others about this means something. You will succeed. YOU WILL!!
And ALL of us are pulling for you!!
Go, Sheryl! Go!
203. Chloe said:
Have I mentioned how happy I am that you are feeling better now? When I think back, just a few months ago, even your funny posts had an underlying sadness. And that last picture-- you are smiling so big, and Leta was so happy... I hadn't really thought about how much it has changed in the last few months. I'm so glad things got better for you guys.
Just with proper treatment. I don't think that there is anyone whose life hasn't been touched by depression in some way. I went through a stint in my early teens (who hasn't?), my best friend, both my parents. I don't know directly anyone who has commited suicide, but I am so glad you are out there, saying what needs to be said. Thank you.
(And Leta is adorable as always in this picture. You aren't going to stop until everyone who visits this website has procreated... ARE YOU? A little humor to remove the sickly sweet taste from your mouth. But really. Thank you.)
204. Carol said:
I think it's Girls Night on Dooce.com!!! Yeah, girls' night!!! OK, who's next?
205. ella's ma said:
My husband's dad committed suicide 2 years ago. After that I really started to get in touch with my own depression, which had been mild, at best, and DEBILITATING, at worst, since I was in middle school. I saw what living all your life with depression can do to a family, with suicide ending that phase, and got some help. In all the moments I really wanted death, I never considered the aftermath for those that loved me. Now, in my 30's, I've come face to face with my demons again after the birth of my daughter. PPD really dealt me a blow that I wasn't prepared for. After spending the last year trying to "unbreak" myself, I'm finally on a combo of drugs that really helps me feel GOOD. And not all loopy-headed good. Good like when you wake up on a sunny, crisp fall day after weeks of gray rain. I breathe and it feels good. I eat and it feels good. I can look at myself in the mirror and say, "you rock!", because I do. I am alive now because I resisted the overwhelming pull of suicide, and that makes me awwesome. And you, dooce, are awesome. Leta now has a mama to teach her that it's okay to feel bad, and reach out for help when she's drowning. And Jon has a wife who will never take him for granted and love him with every breath she take. I am lucky to have a husband who I can say that about, and a beautiful daughter who, I swear, the sun shines out of her eyes. Yours is the only blog I read, and thank God, yours is the one that reached out to me to tell me I am not alone.
206. Carol said:
ok, that last one didn't sound so good. sorry.
207. Sheryl said:
Carol,
Your husband is so fortunate to have you standing by him, acknowledging the reality but still striving for that better place...I so identify with your can-do have-faith and chin-up attitude. I am with you sister. Even in the worst of times, I know I will feel joy again. Partly by trying to keep my sense of humor. (I personally think I abused that power of transcendence by actually ignoring reality for a reeeeally long time).
I have always (since I was about 21) known I would survive and thrive. I have a great job, a really loving boyfriend, my sister;s family nearby with my two nieces, tons of friends, my writing, artwork, etc. So much. I learned when I was five to meditate on being thankful for every day and I swear that has helped me get this far.
MrsDoF, I am sorry to hear about your husband's accident - it must be very hard to go day-to-day with the uncertainty. It's great that he has you to love and care about him, be with him through the rough times. That's powerful stuff.
Karen Rani,
Oh... my heart goes out to you.
It's wonderful to hear more people with illness to share with others their feelings, the day-to-day. I know my mother had no one at all, (except us and we couldn't help) and that still breaks my heart. One of the really wonderful things is that even though there is still stigma attached to admitting to mental or emotional illnesses, there are a lot of resources for support. And you can talk about it. Please stay connected to others, it is so important for you, and your family.
I'm sending you healing thoughts.
208. Carol said:
Sheryl-
these are your words. read them!!
I have always (since I was about 21) known I would survive and thrive. I have a great job, a really loving boyfriend, my sister;s family nearby with my two nieces, tons of friends, my writing, artwork, etc. So much. I learned when I was five to meditate on being thankful for every day
You're there! You are.
209. Carol said:
Goodnight Ladies. Keep your chin up and your underwear dry. Kick ass and take no prisoners.
See you tomorrow. Peace. Inside and out.
Love, love,
Carol
210. Carol said:
Ok, I should have gone to be at 11:18 like I said I would, but, I just have an idea...
how about a girls weekend in Vegas?
I'm just saying is all.
p.s. I have real friends, like in real life, but it's fun to imagine. Ok. I'm going to bed.
211. Amanda B. said:
Ella's Ma- you do rock! Thanks for your post.
We are all some badass bitches!
Thankyou Heather for opening up this dialouge and for sharing with us about your own depression.
212. Sheryl said:
Carol,
I get what you're saying... I want to be fine. TRULY, more than is healthy even.
The thing is, I am not 100% fine. It's not the end of the world, it's not stopping me from living. When I couldn't imagine anything specific in the future, when I couldn't imagine a safe future that included other people - that stopped me from living in certain ways.
I have stunted growth so to speak. I don't need encouragement that I am going to be OK, because that isn't my kryptonite. I believe I can survive anything, I expect that anything bad could happen at any time. And here's the key - I sort of think I can overcome anything without feeling anything that happens or really *going through it*.
The other feelings like doubt and uncertainty and fear and weakness and anger and disappointment also make us human. The things that helped me survive as a kid also seriously got in the way of my growth and balance, and good decision-making as an adult.
A couple of examples:
There was a kid in the news recently who has a rare condition: she can't feel pain. This causes lots of issues and her parents and teachers have to constantly watch her to keep her from being injured.
Did you ever see the movie Fearless? Jeff Bridges survives a plane crash that others die brutally in, and he can't adjust. He wonders how and why he survived. He thinks he is bulletproof, unbreakable.
Part of being human is to occasionally accept defeat, temporarily, expressing hopelessness if you feel it, or hurt, when you feel it. Because only then can you move on. Because only then can you grow and know *next time it happens I can recover*. It's not permanent.
I have the kind of faith that tells me (incorrectly) I can survive anything, as if it never happened. I want to have the kind of faith that tells me it's safe to experience my life.
213. Lisa said:
Suicide has hit my family HARD this year. In Feb of this year, my 41 yr old cousin Nancy killed herself leaving her 16 mo old daughter Peyton behind. Nancy suffered from depression & terrible migranes for the past 10+ years. She was on one of the depression drugs when her life ended. I can't remember off hand which drug it was but her family is putting a LOT of the blame on the medication. Nancy was on my dad's side of the family.
Then just a month later my 21 yo cousin Nate ended his life. Nate was on my mom's side of the family. Nate also suffered from depression...only NO ONE knew but his immediately family. They were embarassed by it & HID it. He was also on medication when he died (he suffered for the last 2 years & did have a suicide attempt a year of so before this). His family has done a 180 & is now TALKING about depression & encouraging others to get help so no one will have to go through what they do/did. I was in the hospital on March 15th giving birth to my 3rd child when I found out that Nate was also in the hospital (different hospital thank god) on life support. His parents made the decision to turn off the machines on March 16th & my first outing with my new baby was to Nate's funeral. Zander was 4 days old. Horrible, just horrible.
And would you believe that one month after that there was yet another suicide in the family. Another Nate, and also 21 yrs old on my dad's side of the family. Not directly related, but this Nate's mom was once married to my cousin (who died in a car accident).
Our family is learning so much about depression. People are talking now & that is good.
214. Amanda B. said:
Sheryl- I think I have been through some similiar situations. I call it disassociating or advoidance. It's not something I did intentionally, it was a coping mechanism.
So when something horrible happened, I'd be the one smiling and taking care of everyone else and not feeling any of it. But after many years of it, all of the crap I had stuffed away or that I thought I had avoided was still with me.
Hence the extensive thearapy. :)
The tricky part for me was wanting to feel the pain. My whole m.o. was NOT dealing with it. But, (in my life) I had to feel it and work through it to get down through the layers and to myself again.
Does that make sense?
215. julia said:
Hi heather,
I'm a med student in Montreal. We're currently studying psychiatry day in and out. i hope it'll be somewhat of a comfort knowing the extent to which we as med students are taught that depression is a very serious and common syndrome. 40% of people who suffer from depression contemplate suicide, and 16% end their lives. Many future physicians have been appropriately educated on and sensitised to depression. I hope people in general will stop with the "just buck up, for god's sake" mindset. Best of luck with your insurance battle. Psychiatric well-being is one of, if not the most, important components of health. By the way, it runs in my family as well...
216. Sheryl said:
Lisa,
Yes - it is really the most important thing that people overcome the shame and are able to talk, if they need help, or about their loved ones that do need help, or did need help. I am sorry for your many losses...
AmandaB.
omg. Yes it makes sense, to me. I am great in a crisis. No setback will deter me. I will stand and shine when others wither or freak out. But ask me how I feel about it? Uhhh, I got...nothin. How about this: "Bring it on. I feel fine." my mantra.
I didn't know how many layers there were. I still don't. I have been having weird dreams about me, as an adult, having gone back and strangled myself at age 14, age 12, age 10, age 6, age 5. In the dreams, I don't fight back at all. So many feelings I literally strangled and never even knew I had.
Do you have siblings?
217. Heather said:
I honor you! You have so much to be thankful for and proud of. I truly try to tell my family how thankful I am for them everyday and you just put a whole new perspective on it. Thanks! And im glad you didn't hang yourself with the dog leash.:)
218. Sheryl said:
AmandaB, the "tricky part"...
How did you get to the point that you wanted (or were able) to feel and acknowledge the painful or negative feelings?
219. Amanda B. said:
Sheryl- I'm not sure. I think that all of the pain finally caught up with me and I had no other choice than to get help. When the pain i'd packed away started coming through...I went fetal for like a month. I was afraid I wouldn't live much longer. I knew I had to get help. I had to grieve the things of the past. My childhood, my parents divorce, etc. I had to put all of that out on the table and have a good long look at it. It broke my heart in half. But as I grieved the pain subsided and I learned that I can (albeit not gracefully) deal with life. Deal with it by feeling it.
220. Sheryl said:
Amanda B,
Props on all your hard work, and your will to really *live*. Congrats on your wedding too :)
I read a book last year: Rescuing Patty Hearst by Virginia Holman about a girl (and her littler sister) who's mom loses it in a bad way. Holman writes about knowing at 10 years old that she knew "the only way through it, was through it".
I know I didn't have enough room to think or do that at 10 y.o., but it makes me smile a bittersweet little smile to think I am 37 and just getting started. :) Speaking of getting started, I'm off to bed.
This thread, tonight, was a really good thing. Dooce, thank you again for posting and providing the space to share.
Peace out y'all
221. Christine said:
Thank you for your openness. I am teetering on the PPD edge and reading your blog has given me hope and courage and strength.
http://xeryfyn.diaryland.com/041120_58.html
222. Kristine said:
It's hard to read the post today. It made me squirmish.
I went through exactly what Heather went through. It wasn't pills that got me through, even though I wish I would have at least been a bit less stubborn, it was the vision of my daughters (11, 7 & 6) in prom dresses that made me put both hands back on the wheel.
I never understood how someone could even think about killing themselves, how could they leave loved ones behind...but it's weird how your mind rationalizes it. It seems like the exact right thing to do.
I'm getting better. It's been 6 years since my PPD, but those moments still catch up with me.
Today it was trying to tap me on the shoulder.
I ended up going to a Sacramento Kings game and they won. I had a really good glass of wine. I thought of my daughter singing "Baby Got Back" and she can't pronounce her R's.
I got an email from someone who visited my blog (from here) and was open, honest and very nice.
I have hope that tomorrow will be as good.
HOPE. God, I love that word.
223. wow said:
Another with episodes of depression. I'm so thankful for the progress in meds.
Post Partum Depression always seems to hit with a vengence for me. It wasn't until my 8th pregnancy that I had a midwife who suggested starting on meds at least 6 weeks prior to my due date (it's safe, but many medical providers don't know this, but have them look into it, at least for ssri antidepressants & while nursing, too). It can take up to six weeks for them to take effect. I've loved every one of my babies, but always hit bottom after they were born. It was so different with taking antidepressants with this last one. I could actually *enjoy* the baby and being momma. I'll never go without them again. If only I'd had them immediately after my miscarriage & stillbirth. I so recommend women with depression or PPD look into taking meds prior to birth. Life can be so much more beautiful.
224. wow said:
In Washington State a new law has health insurance companies pay for mental health at the same rate as other illnesses. It is so nice! Has made such a difference in our medical bills, plus you'd think it would make it less of a stigma for people contemplating seeking help. Here's hoping those in other states can work for such progress.
225. domino said:
I've never had PPD (never had kids) but I've had some degree of depressive illness for the last 15 years or so. I guess I just want to add my "you're not alone" to the discussion. It's weird - the most helpful thing is knowing that people out there know exactly how you feel.
Dooce, please delete me if you consider this spamming, but there's an excellent anxiety/depression forum called tAPir if anyone feels the need to talk... I've been there for five years, and it really has helped me.
Heartfelt hugs and kudos to all :)
226. Beth said:
Wow.
I just woke up, and reading this thread and your post just made me STOP. I don't think we do that enough - stop to breathe and think about what color the sky is or how we feel in this moment.
Depression has touched me and so many people in my family. Suicide has happened in the past. When I met my husband, I was so depressed and having such panic attacks I couldn't even drive to work - I'd been lying to my mother for A MONTH saying I was going to work when really I was driving to a rest stop to cry and smoke for 6 hours at a time, then drive home. If I hadn't met my hubby, it would have got so bad. It was getting really bad.
But here I am, with a silly little job I actually enjoy, about to go paint my kitchen a lovely color called "Seduction" and it's a diet free day so we're having something fabulous for dinner. I know that my hubby's going to come home from working overtime and I'll be able to hug him and smell him and when I tell him how good he smells, let him look at me like I'm nuts.
I hope that we can all keep in mind what's important. Thank you all for sharing your stories and making me stop. And have a little cry. I needed it. What a good way to start the weekend. With peace. I often forget how OK I really am. :)
227. domino said:
Poop - hyperlinking doesn't work for me. eco2geek, you need to fess up!
Anyway, for people looking for tAPir:
http://algy.com/anxiety/ib/index.php?
228. MrsDoF said:
OK, it is Saturday morning and I've just had a good start to the weekend. Husband and I are about to go have the best omelettes in the county in the quaintest cafe in the state, and make some plans about next week because it's Vacation! and all we're gonna do is sleep in and work on the old car and crochet Christmas presents.
Thank you for being here, all of you. Especially Dooce and pretty baby Leta. Makes me especially grateful for my mate's operation.
Which reminds me, KarenRani, my guy had his done on a Friday morning, and was out mowing the yard, albeit walking slowly, on Saturday evening. Hope your husband does well.
A wonderful gift, give him a month for recuperation, then you can tell each other Thanks!
229. Danielle said:
I am at a bit of a loss as to what exactly I want to say. It kind of feels like
'thank you for sharing', or
'I'm glad you've all been so open' or more importantly
'it has given me a lot to think about',
but none of these is quite right and it is more a mesh of all of that.
Mainly to some of the people who comment regularly (Sheryl, Carol, Amanda B, Karen Rani, Fish, to name the ones that stand out at the moment):
I love the feeling of community... and openness... I'm glad you are all here.
sending good thoughts to everyone
230. Don Ulrich said:
The BEST things are free Heather
231. Danielle said:
on a lighter note:
to 'so very tired' I'm glad you got to be last yesterday. ;)
hope your 5-week old is doing well.
and to 'curiouskiwi', if you read this, I forgot to say Thanks yesterday for the offer of the parking space (the red crate). My brain was a bit scattered yesterday.
FloridaGirl - occasionally if someone is off by a person, that peson will groan and that will ellicit smiles/chuckles from everyone.... but I just might cheer one of these days....
Fish, today's picture: "Oh look! the rawhide! ... now if he'd just set it down for a minute..."