I should have put the camera down to help her up, but, um, I didn't
Those are Old Navy coupons I received in the mail and she played with them for like FIVE WHOLE MINUTES. F.I.V.E. One two three four FIVE. And then she got bored and started screaming and I grabbed the camera.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Sarah said:
That picture is hilarious!
Thank you for sharing your stories...you have a gift, and you have touched so many people, Heather.
You be well, too.
2. goli said:
do I dare do the whole "YAY! I'm first" jig?
3. coskel said:
as a fellow medicator, I very much understand that post about suicide - I spent months thinking the same thing. I still have my bad days, and don't really have the support system that others do, but nothing like inner resources, eh? Thanks for all the laughs, dooce - you make a LOT of people very, very happy. :)
4. eco2geek said:
Dooce, you're hysterically funny, fearless, and wise.
That's actually a scary picture. The background, her eyes, and her mouth are all deep pools of darkness.
5. Steve J said:
Good morning all. Long time "listener" first time "caller". I know, that's pure cheese.
OLD NAVY! And coupons in the mail! How can I score some coupons?
Heather, I love your blog. You have an amazing family and I enjoy reading about your lives.
As for grabbing the camera when your kid was screaming and probably needed help, I would do the same with my kids! Haha.
Steve
6. slick said:
hahah! that's too cute. thanks for making me smile this morning :)
7. Alex said:
That is sheer and utter helplessness at it's purest form. Leta, you poor thing! :D
8. Alex said:
ARGH! I meant "ITS" -- not "IT'S".
Sorry...I'm *really* anal about that.
9. Alex said:
Heather, have Leta's top teeth come in yet?
It doesn't look like they have from this angle, but I could be mistaken.
I was just wondering how her teething went? Right now, my kid is in teething hell.
10. Peter Hentges said:
Thud.
That's the sound of me mentally hitting the floor with the suicide news. I know just how you feel, having suffered depression for several years now (probably more than I realized). I take my meds, yes I do. And I try to look out for my friends who seem to be in the same state I was.
A good friend recently started taking anti-depressants. She's having a hard time with the side-effects and is working to get the right medication/dose. I hear her grumble and can't help think, "It's so good to have you around to complain."
It's good to have you, too, Heather.
11. -leslie.- said:
What would life be like if you didn't get to make fun of your child's helplessness every once in a while? :)
12. brittney said:
Hey, the Dooce. I wanted to say a lot more people than you are thankful you are alive. A lot more people than just your family and friends.
The title "You Be Well For Me" gives me chill bumps.
13. angela said:
Aren't those GAP coupons?
By the way, all of the people who post just to be first (and aren't) really annoy me.
14. Cori said:
gotta love Old Navy! hate those damn commercials though!
15. Amanda said:
Of course you grab the camera first. How else will you have proof that your children were like most childre, out of control. I take pictures of my kids so when they grow up and are telling their shrinks just how horrible I was I can kick in the door and be all like "Liar, liar, pants on fire!"
16. Laurel 825 said:
(Cute kid, per usual. Chuck could replace "Magic" as the Old Navy dog.)
My teenage son is under psychiatric care. Those claims...and no other for assorted medical services...are bounced back to us after nearly every appointment. The Dr's office claims to process and code them correctly, the insurance company says the office didn't OR that they never received the claim and then the corporation that runs the Dr's office (and nearby hospital) sends shit letters saying we owe them money still. In the billholder, behind my checkbook, on any given day, is the latest statement w/ who I spoke to at the office, insurance and corp. level and the date such-and-such check was sent. I had surgery for Crohn's in August, was in the hospital for 5 days (!) and all of THAT (!) was processed without anyone saying "blip." Gaslighting, me thinks.
17. AndreaBT said:
Angela, chill...it's just a game :) No one takes it that seriously, neither should you.
And I've got quite a few pictures of my daughter when she was screaming or otherwise upset. I want to remember ALL parts of her childhood (and darn if she wasn't just as cute when she was screaming) :)
18. Colleen from NJ said:
Leta: "these coupons are for December? I can't wait that long!"
Heather, your last post will touch a lot of people (I'm sitting here with my nose running in my yogurt). We just got a new governor here in NJ whose wife had horrible depression, so mental health care reform is one of his top priorities. I hope it catches on. I hope that poor family will be supported.
19. Chessy said:
Thank you for your seemingly effortless way of putting things in perspective. From the sobering story of your sister's neighbor to the girlish glee in which you photograph your (suffering) child, you master the art of life's balance. It takes nothing for me to tell you thanks for sharing, so I will. :) Dooce is a good place to visit daily.
20. betty said:
You can give her paper and she doesn't reduce it to a slimp pulp and choke on it? My 10 month old is forbidden from paper contact. Even those seemingly sturdy board books get gnawed to mush.
21. maggie said:
Oh Heather-
I have two comments:
1. Thank you for sharing your story and helping others come to terms with mental illness. It's ironic that sometimes the better insurance you have, the more trouble you have paying for psychiatric care--for example, some private insurers will only pay for a 3 day stay at an inpatient psychiatric unit with 3 months of follow-up outpatient care, while medicaid will pay for someone to sit in a hospital for a year if necessary, pay for all their meds, and allow the follow-up care the people need (granted, it will likely be at a public hospital, but the doctors there are, if anything, more dedicated to their patients). It's very frustrating to see patients who are high-functioning in society forced to cope on their own and bear the expenses out of pocket--these kinds of financial stressors are quite anti-therapeutic and are responsible for many people going off medication before it's really safe. This is not the way our society should work!
2. I believe Leta is thinking, "50% off fleece pullovers?! I'm so there. If I start screaming and waving the coupons, mom will have to bring me shopping!" She's going to be a handful when she turns 13...
Take care, Heather.
22. Moxie said:
Leta is channeling her inner Morgan Fairchild.
23. Human Writes said:
Ten bucks says she started eating those coupons shortly after the pic was taken.
24. Terri said:
I have so many pictures of my daughter screaming, obviously me NOT helping. These are the best pictures I think. Talk about showing the little monster's true side! ;)
Awesome post by the way. I'm sure you realize how many people you touch (and help) everyday. Thank you.
25. Sarcastic Journalist said:
I'd be crying too if I realized they were only for 10% off.
26. the niffer said:
Alex: it's ok to be anal about that stuff. You are not alone.
Have you read Eats, Shoots & Leaves yet? Vindication for folks like us.
Dooce: the more that people like you talk about mental illness and the more that people like us read about it, hopefully the sooner we'll change attitudes toward it. Keep it up.
27. Sue from Ohio said:
OMG! GAP, OLD NAVY and BANANA REPUBLIC!!!! Wooohoo....time to go online shopping....I can use ONE CARD to shop at ALL THREE! Leta just wanted to do some online shopping, I think...'I don't want to play with these damn coupons, I want to GO SHOPPING!'
On a different note, an acquaintance of mine killed himself back in August by hanging. He left his wife and 18 month old...plus 2 other children from previous wives. He was only 34. I am still in shock and sometimes I think, maybe if I would have been nicer...but that wasn't the problem. I'm angry at him for doing it to his family but mostly, angry at him because I can't tell him off for doing it...strange, I know.
28. Psycho Kitty said:
Thank you for writing about this. My ex *finally* took the step of checking himself in to a facility. I've been so worried about him for so many years that I had reached the point of hopelessness; I do hope that this step will be the first he takes to wellness. It's encouraging to read about others who have been down that low and made it back to the surface.
29. Me myself and I said:
Dooce, you are so brave, and you inspire me every day. I too suffer from clinical depression, and have for twenty or so years. I'm still not quite brave enough to tell very many people, but I'm getting there. One day I'll "come out." Although my mental illness is hereditary, it is also related to severe abuse I suffered as a child, so the 'coming out' thing is so very complicated.
Thanks, Dooce, for bringing lots of light to my days!
30. Julie said:
This is one of those pictures she'll try to hide when she gets older. Wait... she CAN'T... it's on the INTERNET!
Heather, I share the admiration of your other readers. You are fantastic, girl! I can't stop reading your amazing stories.
31. Poppy said:
My mom has a photo of me, age one, stuck under the couch from the waist up. I was trying to find magazines, got stuck, and instead of coming to my rescue, my mom had herself a little photo shoot.
Great photo. Just be prepared to listen to Leta nag you about leaving her in such dire conditions for the rest of your life. ;)
Once again, thanks for being so open about depression. I've had it and anxiety disorder for years, and the both went out of control after my daughter's birth in Feb. I'm amazed at how misunderstood and stigmatized these conditions remain. Just this week I had a confrontation on my blog about this. The ignorance truly amazes me, but it's the brave people who come forward and speak honestly who will change that.
32. Kathy said:
Hey -- Niffer & Alex - you would also like this: http://www.apostrophe.fsnet.co.uk/
(note to self - obtain copy of Eats, Shoots & Leaves)
33. Regan said:
Whoa...10% off! Why don't I get those coupons???
Oh yeah...Leta's cute, too...
34. AMy said:
Heather, thank you for sharing your story. I too have had a life long struggle with depression and in 1995 was hospitalized and so began more radical forms of treatment. I am so much better now. I agree with you that mental illnesses are still stigmatized and still treated as lesser by insurance companies and many medical professionals. We have had 3 suicides in the last month and a half here and it's been so difficult. At the same time, I have been so thankful that I am still here. There but for the grace of God go I.
35. Amy said:
Heather, thank you so much for sharing your story and your family photos!
We have had 3 suicides to deal with in the past 2 months. It's been so hard, but I too was suicidal about 10 years ago and hospitalized and am so glad I was rescued, treated and am still here. There but for the grace of God go I.
36. kEma said:
OH, boy so much SCRUMPTIOUSness!!! The face she is making is so: "Damn, in my calculations i didn't have to fall! I just had to scream!"
37. christy kilgore-hadley said:
Reminds me of a picture we have of my brother when he was little, stuck in one of those big tinker toy buckets. Classic!
Also, please tell me the coupons came out ok.
38. Jazzy said:
That should be the new Old Navy commercial. The pitch: Old Navy coupons can make your baby happy. What you can make them believe is that you handed Leta the coupons and right after this picture she smiled. Or maybe not. Cute as always. Great post about depression. Too many people don't understand this disease and the affect it can have on lots of people. Glad you are doing so well.
39. Sarah said:
I like how it looks like she's just tossed the coupons aside. Now she likes 'em, now she don't!
(On a side note, how could coupons for Old Navy goodness not keep her entertainted for, like, SIX minutes??)
40. Janis said:
Today is National Survivors of Suicide Day.
There is an excellent web site with more information on prevention, awareness, research, etc.
It can be found at:
http://www.afsp.org/index-1.htm
Adorable photo of Leta- as usual!
41. Kristina said:
My mom has a picture of me when I was Leta's age sitting in a very large pot full of water, naked. I'm screaming my head off in the picture, and you can see my aunt in the background laughing.
Cute picture, too.
42. Tabbie said:
You know it doesn't just happen to babies. My freshman year of college I got stuck underneath my roomates bed with my arms pinned. What did they do? Take a picture.
43. Danielle said:
I too have a picture of my face flushed, and clearly upset, because my older sister convinced me it would be _fun_ to put on a winter coat and sit in a bucket (as if it were a sled) so she could push me around the carpeting in the house.
Then I got too hot.
and I was stuck.
and crying.
and my Mom took a picture of me.
I used to think it was a bit atrocious that they left me hot and crying while they took a picture. Now, I think it is funny. :)
thank you again, dooce. I know I take up a lot of space from time to time.... (heck, most (all) of the time)
Hope you are having a great weekend.
44. karen said:
That child is so high maintenence. It's like watching an episode of Melrose Place.
Gawd, she's fantastic, eh.
45. Becca said:
Well, it was a good photo op. :)
46. KidRock said:
High-maintenance 9 month old infant? Melrose Place? Karen, I hope you were kidding!
My stepfather used to say: Children should be seen and not heard, and not seen very much at that."
I am sure Leta will never wonder if she was loved or wonder if she was important to her family.
47. sab said:
you are the type of mom I want to be!
48. dianne said:
Howdy - beautiful kid there! Even in her moments of desperation about the fun quote runnint out on a coupon... lol...
On the suicide note, my late husband suicided almost four years ago. I was with present in the house when he did it, and had tried to get a gun away from him for a couple of hours before he finally got away from me. He stepped outside - and the end of the world we had together ended. The end of his life has been a difficult thing to survive, and I can relate to your thoughts about ending the pain you felt. There are times when life is really challenging that I realize that without seeing the inner light in the people around me, and within myself, I might be one of those statistics myself. You're totally right about the insurance companies. My therapist has to fight with them after John died.. so that I could stay in therapy for just a few sessions. I'm thankful to have had a therapist that actually cared. And a light within myself that I just wasn't willing to see fade away just yet.
Hugs to you girl. Good to know you're doing okay....
dianne
49. Kieran said:
oLD nAVY gETS ME EVERYTIME!
50. Angie M said:
That's the face I made this morning when the waitress cleared my coffee away before I'd finished it!
51. Erika said:
Hey, ya'll.
So, we all know that Dooce is one of kind, right? Dang. Dang dang.
Appreciation for what this life offers us is something that many cannot and will not find.
Thank you, Heather Armstrong. And than you to Jon Armstrong for being the love that sustains her.
52. A girl said:
Your post "Be well" brought me to tears. It's a shame that insurance companies don't have coverage for diseases like this.
I was 18 when I was diagnosed with depression. But I know I had suffered since the age of 16.
I know that because I cared what other people thought, I went two very long years without treatment. and even when I did seek treatment, the doctor had to write that I had insomnia on the patient slip in order for it to be covered by insurance, even though he well knew I was depressed. It saved me money, but what a shame.
I never once thought about committing suicide, but I did think and rethink how great it would be for me to fall asleep, and never wake up. Life would be so much simpler.
After a little while on Paxil (I chose to stop taking it because it made me sleep ALL the time, and sleeping and being a full time student in college does not work.) I stopped taking it, and slowly started to get better. Sometimes I fall back into my state of depression, when there's just something that clicks on your body and screams for help, you just know. But for now, I'm better.
Thank you for writing about your experience. I wish people could better understand the pain.
53. Terri said:
Thank you for the depression post. My best friend murdered her 6 year old daughter and then killed herself. I too suffered with depression and spent an entire year in bed. Literally. I probably would have been suicidal if I could have figured out how to do it without getting up. I still take medication and probably always will. I'm glad you are well and took the opportunity to make this most recent post. My friend by the way was beautiful, redhead, "normal", cheerleader, homecoming court type girl. Her daughter, Terri Lynn was named after me. I'll never know what finally happened that morning when she decided she couldn't go on one more minute but I know it was because she couldn't stop the pain and couldn't stand for her daughter - who she adored - to live knowing her mother had killed herself. I'll never fully recover from what happened.
54. Michelle said:
Thank you for sharing, Dooce. You're very brave, along with being very funny. :)
55. Stephanie said:
I've never posted before but today's posts have gotten me all choked up! So I just wanted to take the time to say that this website has brought me many laughs over the past couple of weeks and I want to thank all of you for that, especially Heather. I think your outstanding person and you will always have me as an avid reader,if not a frequent poster. I really admire your ability to express yourself in words. It's a talent most people only dream of.
56. MIchelle said:
Thank you for sharing. For being open honest, funny, bold, brave and unsolicited. Suicide is more real than most imagine. Struggling with depression and axiety I wonder if I will ever feel safe enough in my own body to have a child...and that IS with receving good solid treatment and having a wonderfully supportive family.
Gap lovers unite. Leta should be in a babyGap commercial.
57. lynn said:
i have a beautiful daughter who always hovers on the edge. thank you for these insights.
58. bb said:
she looks so young in that pic! like, a little baby. I thought that maybe this was back when she was back 3-4 months old...
59. liminalspace said:
this is what happens... the firstborn always gets the fun stuff (i.e. coupons) first, and the youngest has to amuse itself. my youngest sister's favorite game when she was tiny was "put the pebble on the washcloth, roll it up, and shake it out..find pebble, repeat." hold onto those coupons, leta.
60. Ed Villas said:
...hmmm .... 10% OFF hahahaha
61. torph said:
I also suffer from depression and have for years. Only recently have I been medicated. . . It makes a world of difference but is extrememly hard to afford if you are uninsured like I am.
62. Carolyn J. said:
How is Leta ever going to make it in the world, if she never learns how cruel it is? The world will never stop to help you, it will only take your picture. See, you're helping her.
63. stacey said:
ya know, i'm so glad your site exists. at least a few times throughout my day, i have something to remember (to check) and be happy about. thanks. :)
64. termagaunt said:
I dreamt of dooce.com last night (and if there were to god, I'd swear to it on this one!) The details are hazy at best, but there I was, logging on and seeing a pale peachish thumbnail where the photo should've been-- no details, just the colour. Clicking on it turned up a photo of a bunch of just-married gay people kissing and celebrating in front of the big Mormon temple. And I was --so-- pleased to see the photo; I'd thought gay marriage must've been made legal everywhere, of course, and that it just hadn't yet hit the news-- dooce.com had broken a hot story! So I phoned a close friend (who's gay), to send him to the site to look for himself, but he called back to let me know that the photo wasn't there... sure enough, when I checked back at dooce, not only was it gone, but there were broken links -everywhere.- Heavy with dream symbolism on plenty levels, I'm sure, but the point is: crikes, what am I doing dreaming of dooce???
65. Frances said:
When my now-16-year-old son was quite small, but big enough to perch on the grown-up toilet by himself, he leaned back a fraction too far and fell in. Bum in the cold water, suspended by his armpits and knees on the toilet seat, screaming his terrified little head off ... what could I do but run to the next room to get the camera?
66. Mrs. Stray said:
This is one of the greatest sites I have ever read in my life. My older children often come running from the other room wondering why on earth I am laughing at a computer screen with just a bunch of words on it. I tell em' to scram before they get Dooced and keep reading.
67. Kristine said:
Mrs. Stray- I agree. (yes, that is a glorified Me Too Post)
I have 5 kids. (this is where I wait to hear, "Oh my god, you must have your hands full!" and I do the head shake and say, "Yeahhh, but they are good kids.")
One of them said the other day when I was looking at Chuck in his costume,
"Who's that?"
"Chuck."
"Who's Chuck?" she scoots closer.
"Heather and Jon's dog. Political leader at one time."
"Who's Heather?"
"The person who made this web site. She has a daughter too. She's SOO cute. wanna see?"
"No. Got more pictures of the dog?"
If I laugh while reading at the computer my boyfriend says, "What did Heather do now?"
That's why I keep coming back...to find out what Heather did this time.
68. Lee said:
so, yesterday I was at the gyn, talking about hormones and breast cancer, and my risk level, and I said I'd rather risk cancer than depression. I would rather keep taking the pills, which, in a delicate balance (it took about 5 years to get the mix right) with other hormones and anti-depressants, have kept me less depressed for about 3 years. I still have down days, but am neither suicidal or homicidal now. I can and have tackled and overcome physical obstacles more than once since then, but I would do just about anything to avoid that black pit of hell I was in. Luckily, the doctor got it, and agreed with me (she remembers). Also, cancer treatments are covered, and the last visit to the therapist (I only go occassionally, now), got bounced as "unnecessary" treatment. If you can find the mix, and get the treatment, life is good.
69. Emmylou said:
she is SUCH a faker, ive seen that face on about a doze little kids today alone.
70. Janet said:
I just want say that I am glad that all of you are talking about mental health. I suffer from depression and it was very bad when I was pregant. I wanted to go to sleep for a very long time. My second husband killed himself 10 years ago, I'm still mad at him for it.
71. Kelly said:
dooce, you're amazing. it's taken me many, many years to get an official diagnosis and just as many to ignore the stigma of being one who needs psych meds just to get by with day to day life. I applaud you for being as candid as you are about mental health being a very real and very painful ailment. Folks who haven't experienced it will never understand just how much it does hurt. Only those who love someone who is so desperately unhappy can even begin to imagine just how horrible life can be. I am extremely thankful for my diagnosis because it meant I finally got the medication I needed. I wish I had gotten on meds years ago. I missed out on so many opportunities to have fun and enjoy life. Today, I take great pleasure in simply being happy and normal.
You are a blessing to so many people. :)
72. eco2geek said:
Speaking of faking -- my brother takes his 4 year old Joseph to the zoo, and he gets his hand stamped. Later that night, he's supposed to wash his hands for dinner, and has a fit when his father tries to get him to wash the back of his stamped hand.
Then, when they put a piece of steak on his plate (he doesn't like meat, for some reason), he screwed up his face and began to whine, "Take it off!"
Kid's a drama queen at 4. Dad's got the patience of Job.
73. Wolverine said:
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Find out if you're hot + Meet hot Asians
How random are these little advertisements on your page?? Asian Hot Or NOt??? Crazy.
74. Amanda B. said:
Leta doesn't look distressed so much as annoyed. Like, "Woman...get me up now or you shall pay."
Look at her little "slowly turning crimson with rage" cheeks. I love it.
75. Jill said:
My brother suffers from clinical depression but unfortunately he refuses to take his medication. He sees it as a weakness and refuses to accept that he suffers from it. When he was first diagnosed he took his pills and there was a huge difference in him. He was much happier with him self.
I don't really understand depression but I wish that he would think about taking them again. My life would shatter if I lost him.
76. Carol said:
I love that her shirt says "love" and her face says "pure annoyance."
77. me said:
When my son was around 2 I video taped a wicked temper tantrum. Yes, felt sort of bad at the time, but man does it bring back 'the days when'..
78. oxcc said:
"Lurching clutches". HA! Funny, funny. ;) Don't you just love manual transmission?
79. littlebrowngirl said:
man, she is SO gonna give it to u when she grows up!! :)
80. erica said:
thanks dooce for such a heartfelt and warm post (the "be well" one, of course). last year when i was going through a depression, before i straightened things out with some therapy, meds, and activities, i wasn't suicidal -- more like i thought i was going to die all the time, not kill myself. i couldn't go to bed at night without wondering how i might die, or how those near me might die, suddenly and awfully. i couldn't control it and i just felt worse and worse every day. if it wasn't for my family, friends, and my boyfriend and their support, i don't know when i would have been well. it's nice to know we are all not alone, and that it takes time to figure shit out, but when you start to, life sure feels good.
81. denise said:
my husband desperately needs meds and therapy and is currently awol. i have no idea where he is. he has people standing by to fly him home, get him to a doctor and pay for any treatment he needs. he refuses to believe he needs any. i don't know how to help him.
82. BytchInNY said:
eeeeeekkk! she's cute as hell even when she's mad!
83. LadyBug said:
Heather, I've enjoyed your site so much, and this may sound corny, but I wanted to ask your permission to put your link on my blog. I didn't figure you'd mind, since I actually found your site through a link on another blog; but I thought it'd be...well, just plain POLITE to ask first. (I looked in your FAQs and didn't find anything about linking to your site.)
Thanks and God bless,
LadyBug
P.S. I see that many have shared stories here of dealing with depression, so I won't share mine, which is so very mild in comparison. I'll just say how relieved I am for you, that you're feeling better. And it sounds so cliche' to say this, but you really are so very brave, not only for getting help when you need it, but also for sharing so openly and candidly with the world. God bless you and your sweet family.
84. Mush said:
Thanks again for keeping such a kick ass blog. I love your humor and your honesty. Be well yourself, dear.
85. christilee said:
Super Cute!