Under the moon shone a bottle of laxatives
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. kEma said:
Nice shot
2. Sarah said:
The "tard" who would be first.
And being first is just fun...mindless amusement based on ingrained societal influences from childhood.
Me first! Me first!
Why it gets people so irritated is beyond me. It's just silliness, no big deal.
3. Fish said:
For all those who bitch about comment threads going off the topic of the photo:
Lighten Up.
4. Super Turtle Girl said:
Everything looks better in moonlight.
5. GRAYGIRL said:
I'm floored....thought everyone knew what a "box" is!!! Is it an age thing??? Tell me...all of you that just figured it out, how old are you?
BOX - get it, you put "things" in it???? (Have I used enough puctuation here?)
6. LadyBug said:
*steps forward hesitantly*
I am 30 (God, I hate that number), and I, too, did not know about "The Box" (although I did manage to figure it out before the end of the shower story).
I'm wondering if it's maybe a REGIONAL thing....I'm in Texas. I've heard it referred to as MANY things, but never "The Box."
7. pismire said:
As per your THINKING post, the proper thing to do would be to first post the question of what to do to the internet community. Oh, wait. You did that. Good job. You are TOTALLY on top of things.
8. LadyBug said:
This new definition of "Box" gives whole new twists to otherwise ordinary and mundane expressions:
Thinking outside The Box
Can I get a to-go Box?
"If you talk back to me again, Young Lady, I will BOX your ears!"
Hmmm...that last one conjures up some weeeeeird images. Think I'd better stop now.
9. Lucky said:
loving the fact that while considering either wiping the baby down or the carpet down that a blog entry had to be made. Priorities my dear, priorities. You choose wisely.
Much Love From Palm Springs
no baby no cryyy. no baby no cry.
10. dooce said:
well, the laptop was just sitting right there, and it was just water, and she wasn't screaming.
the not screaming part was essential.
11. Dale said:
ROFL. So glad there was no screaming going on.
12. Fish said:
Dooce: You know that this means that Leta is most definitely NOT a witch, as she didn't melt when the water splashed on her.
So, at least you can stop worrying about that.
13. Shiz said:
Did NONE of you see the Will & Grace episode where Karen's son wants to play with her Xbox?
14. Maddie's Mom said:
Wow Heather. You've hit two issues with me in one week. As for finding someone someday, well...Let's just say I'm not convinced yet. Husband one was a loser and I haven't dated in two years. Starting to feel a bit defeated. Hard not to. I admire your achievements though!
15. Amanda B. said:
Fish- According to the Monty Python School of Thought, a person must "weigh the same as a duck and therefore FLOAT on water", in order to be proven a witch.
That melting stuff is soooo old school.
16. Amanda B. said:
P.S. Speaking of "box"...ummm or not, anyway I know someone named "Precious Cox". No shit.
17. the niffer said:
Graygirl, Ladybug: I'm 30, too, but we have lots of boxes here in Canada. Could be a northern thing? Commence jokes about iceboxes... now.
Oh my God, you guys, all of you, are so funny today. Stop it. I have to get back to work.
Oh, and Hayley: we're forming a lynch mob now. Run and hide, baby, run and hide.
18. hayley said:
shiz:
it was jack's son, not karen's. just to clarify.
i also love the one where stanley has a heart attack, and the doctor says something about "acute angina" and karen says "you got a lot of nerve hitting on me at a time like this."
ahhhh, karen.
19. eb said:
curiosity: was that taken during the lunar eclipse?
20. Colleen from NJ said:
wow, that's a pretty big bottle.
21. Fish said:
This photo (or the caption to it), however, evokes a lot of questions:
Number one: Looks like Boston needs to win another world series, eh, Dooce?
22. Jenn said:
Awsome pic, and great story by the way on leta moving. Let me tell you life does chnage in a millioin ways, but it is so utterly wonderous to watch thme gain independence and explore, unless they are detroying what nice things you have left. It will be fun for you, and at times stressful, not that you don't know this but hey congrats on this milestone, it's exciting.
23. Fish said:
Sheryl: "Gestation" is a peculiar word to use when talking about excretory functions, isn't it?
OH WAIT, I'm getting off the topic of the photo, so ... is that really the moon, or a hole in the wall through which you watch the goings-on in the next room?
24. Moxie said:
Dooce in emergency room:
I don't know doctor, I ate 143 buffalo wings, had this terrible cramp, and then...the light...I saw a light....
25. Fish said:
How bout this one: Yeah, Dooce, You ain't getting nothin' through that.
26. Stacy said:
I was thinking they were playing pill bottle fetch with Chuck under the mooon.
27. Fish said:
Moxie: You are funny.
Everyone else: sorry about the extreme scatalogical humor this early in the morning. We spent most of last night talking about the various possible consistencies of the little fish's baby poo with our doula. I guess I got it on the brain.
(You may commence with the "shit-for-brains" jokes now.).
28. Julie said:
I agree w/Stacy (comment #20).
29. Alex said:
"Into the World There Came a Soul Called Ida (the Lord in His Heaven and I in my Room Below)"
I dunno...the title of your picture reminded me of Ivan Albright
30. Sheryl said:
Fish, you've obviously never been constipated for a really really long time. Because not only do you have to wait and wait and wait some more, while your belly swells, but the final throes, when they come, can be like the pain of birthing a petrified treetrunk.
31. HazelEyedPisces said:
I totally recognized it as the night they played pill bottle fetch. Great shot Dooce!
32. red said:
nice shot
33. Karen Rani said:
Beautiful shot of laxatives....never thought I'd ever say that....
Fish: I utterly love you. Yes, I said utterly. If you knew me a bit better, you'd know I'm a nursing Mama and it's a play on words, as in udder...as in I'm a dairy cow.....oh never mind. :P
34. Colleen from NJ said:
Fish, and this has nothing to do with the picture... Little Fish has arrived? How did I miss this?
35. Michelle said:
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your beautiful family. Be kind and toss Chuck some turkey scraps!
36. Cori said:
what the heck is that? Looks like a lima bean
37. Kano said:
Sorry guys...I don't get it. It looks like a bad negative that was kept in the dip pan too long.
Fish take it easy you are going to stress out all your roe.
38. dooce said:
Kano, I just feel so sorry for you. You are in my prayers.
39. Kano said:
Hey thanks Dooce!
It won't help though......I was kicked out of Hell for trying to take over.
40. Fish said:
Colleen: No, he's not here yet. Our doula, upon seeing our changing table and new diaper disposal unit, was just filling us in on the wonderful world of baby shit that was about to head our way.
41. DoulaBrooke said:
Doulas rock!
42. Sarah said:
Fish:
Be sure to read up on Dooce's archives on Leta's poop and the mind-boggling transition from the pre-solid food poop to the post-solid food OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT SMELL poop.
43. Laura said:
Am I the only one....who doesnt get it about the box?
What am I missing?
44. Patty said:
That's some new hairdo you adopted for leading the congregation in song...and you even photoshopped the picture to match some of Chuck I've seen (in front of a impossibly blue cloud-filled sky.)
45. Box said:
bush, bearded clam, bearded oyster, beaver, butterfly, chuf, clam, coochie, cooter, crotch, cunny, female genitalia, flaps, flower, fudd, fur, fur pie, fuzz, fuzz box, fuzzy wuzzy, gash, glory hole, grumble, grunt, hole, honey pot, hoochie, hoohaa, hoo-hoo, ho ho, labia, lower lips, man in the boat, mud flaps, muff, muff pie, mound, peach, pink, piss flaps, poonany, poonanny, pubic region, pudendum, puntang, quim, rose, slit, snatch, taco, trim, twat, vagina, vulva/vulvar
46. Sarah said:
Oh god, Laura...
...you must be young?
I'm not going to try to be funny, I'm just going to give it to you straight, girl.
Box = Vagina
47. cori said:
On the Today show this morning in the crowd someone held up a sign that said "I gotta have more cowbell" and I laughed like a loon and thought of dooce. So I had to share!
48. Nobody said:
Laura,
box=vagina
49. Heather said:
Ahhh, relief!!!
50. lulu cornichon said:
Dooce-- that picture of The Imposter is pretty freaky, alright. But what really strikes me is that it looks like she was photoshopped out of another background. And her hands could really be either in the "Filled With The Spirit" position, or the "Really Big Sandwich" position. Hmmm.
Singing to the Glory of God? Or to the Glory of the Terrific Reuben?
51. Fenton said:
Oh yeah, Sarah. Give it to her straight. And tell us what you're wearing.
52. Colleen from NJ said:
Ahhh...Yes, it's a wonderful world. You are wise to be prepared for such wonders. Although do be aware of the male guppy's special ability to squirt you in the eye the very second his guppiness is exposed to the air. Here's to your joyful anticipation!
53. Nobody said:
And the comment page is silent while people go re-read The Box.
54. Colleen from NJ said:
above note is to Fish...
55. Girl Detective said:
After I read your post about Chuck and the pill bottles, I gave our baby a vitamin bottle as a distraction to get back my PDA after he'd grabbed it.
This worked great till he managed to get off the child-proof cap and I had to fish a vitamin and a fresh-pak out of his mouth.
Be warned: pill bottles might be good toys for Chuck, but babies are ever so much more dextrous and tricksy.
I can never get shots of the moon to work. This one is lovely.
56. Regan said:
HAHAHAHA! I had NO IDEA you were changing the face of american christianity!
Cool moon pic, too. :)
57. LadyBug said:
On your "Enjoying" entry....guess all the belting out hymns in the kitchen is finally paying off, huh?
And just so the Comment Police don't come after me for getting off the topic of the photo *(rolls eyes dramatically)* ...The rhythm of "Under the moon shone a bottle of laxatives" has "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" stomping its duh-duh-DUM, duh-duh-DUM, duh-duh-DUM rhythm through my (very tired) brain...."The moon on the crest of the new-fallen snow, gave a luster of midday to objects below...." (objects, like bottles of laxatives, I'm assuming)
58. The Mighty Jimbo said:
nothing says romance like a freshly purged colon.
59. Stacy said:
I didn't get the box thing either. Why would anyone call it a box? It isn't square, and I hope no one has one with pointy edges. Now I am going to re-read.
60. patti said:
When I saw the other Heather Armstrong it made me go "EEEEEEK!"
61. TracyDee said:
That's a nice photo but I really like the one of you leading worship. ;)
62. kim said:
you guys are funny. and i didn't know 'bout the box either. maybe it's the age, maybe the country.. but i said it before: i learn so much about the english language here. thank you all and have a great thanksgiving (i'm jealous btw - i love turkey..)
63. Heather 2 said:
I'm very disappointed in myself...I just got The Box reference after reading the comments. I'm a disgrace...
64. Sammy Hagar said:
Didn't you ever hear my song "Three Lock Box":
Suckers walk, money talks!
But it can't touch my three lock box!
Uh! Oh, yeah!
Mysteries of the days of old.
You find the key, you got the gold.
One, two, three lock box.
One, two, three lock box.
One, two, three lock box.
One, two, three lock box.
Treasure's here, sunken there.
Buried treasure's everywhere.
One, two, three lock box.
One, two, three lock box.
Don't go far, circle close.
Oh wait, that song's about the Holy Trinity
65. Jenny said:
Nice shot. The pic makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, can't say the same about the caption. I read it and now somehow feel stressed ;)
66. Bruce said:
"Should I wipe up the carpet or the baby first?"
NO! FIRST you get the camera and take pictures!
67. Sheryl said:
It's just water - why bother?
lol
68. Stephanie said:
Freaking FABULOUS picture.
Also, I would clean the carpet first. When my 15 month old spills or spits up on the carpet which is an everyday occurence I clean the carpet first because it cost a lot more than her. :)
69. Karen Rani said:
AMEN Bruce! I was going to write the same thing!
70. Amanda B. said:
Whoa, you had an eclipse in Utah too?? How freaky is that?
71. Tracy said:
Let the baby drip-dry. Builds character.
72. Kahli said:
Did anybody see the Northern Lights a couple weeks ago? Fish in Wisco?
I am one of those suckers at work this morning...
Dooce, it sure is nice.. it looks warm, like you took it during a forest fire in Yellowstone... "Chuck was dodging windfall and scared wildlife, yet the bottles kept shaking and bewtween the rattle of the pills and the rattling of his nerves, all he could think was- I better get a fucking pop tart after all this bullshit."
Well except for the powerline in the photo... I guess that isn't very forest-y. Still a nice picture.
Looks like an eclipse. Maybe I will just continue to list things I might think it looks like, would you all want some more of my unsolicited opinions? Totally?
Have a wonderful day everybody, thanks for making me smile.
73. KS said:
Do a search for "Heather B. Armstrong" on Yahoo! Images.
Classic.
74. Kahli said:
KS- awesome!
Heather, isn't that from an old post? It looks familair but I wasn't sure if it is from Dooce or one of "those" emails, that gets around...
Back to being a sucker at "work" ...talk about feeling guilty.
75. KS said:
Is it? Am I that retarded?
76. Chris From Ohio said:
You're lucky, Heather. My name moonlights as an amateur wrestler who dressed all in purple, with a zebra-skin cowboy hat. The pimp pic from the Halloween party struck a little close to what it looked like...
77. Fish said:
Tracy: You are funny. The image of the baby hanging by a clothesline just won't get out of my head.
78. Sheryl said:
Besides, being the baby of recovering Mormons - do you have to be bot clean *and* dry?
79. hayley said:
weird that you called her "the baby" in your post. you always refer to her as Leta.
and you should neither clean the baby or dry the rug first. before you do either of those things you should write a post about what happened. by then it won't matter which one you do, both will be soaked.
80. hayley said:
ACK! as if i put "or" instead or "nor"! what will the grammar sticklers think of me now?
i'd better go eat some shoots and leaves....
81. Kristine said:
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. I took the day off to get my mom and bring her to my house (6 hours in the car with 3 kids)
I might not survive it so I thought I would give my wishes now.
82. Danny Boy said:
In this season of giving thanks for God's blessings, I'm especially thankful for stool softeners, laxatives, anti-diarrheals and two-ply toilet paper.
Thought you should know.
83. Amanda B. said:
That give a whole new meaning to "the pipes the pipes are calling" Danny Boy.
84. Fish said:
Amanda B.: Oh, boy. *shakes head while at a loss for words*
85. Sheryl said:
I give thanks for Amanda B.
Funniest line of the day and it's not even dark out yet.
By the way, I prefer it when they come after work, since my dry cleaning bill is getting f-ing ridiculous.
86. Sheryl said:
I give thanks for Amanda B.
Funniest line of the day and it's not even dark out yet.
By the way, I prefer it when they come after work, since my dry cleaning bill is getting f-ing ridiculous. Soon I will have to see a doctor for thr coffee burns in my sinuses.
87. ChickenFlicken said:
By the time my third child came along, I'd already had the baby-sized shackles made to keep her from getting from point A to point B. Your a newbie, you don't know yet what havoc an ambulatory child can wreak. I can send you a photo of our poor, defenseless couch if you want the proof.
88. Colleen from NJ said:
as I was reading Jenn's comment, my boy in utero nearly knocked my laptop off my supposed lap,
"destroying what nice things (I)have left."
89. Kieran said:
Interesting Shot...
90. Sheryl said:
Fish, if she's waiting for a chance at another World Series, that'll be 13 months of gestation...
91. Dyanna said:
Looks like a beautiful 'harvest moon' - soooo romantic! Especially when laxatives are involved. (snicker)
92. Angie said:
Would that be the view from the bathroom, or am I reading too much into the title? If it is... do you always take your camera when you use the toilet?????
93. Sarah said:
Beautiful
94. Jordan said:
First! Or second!
Yay... that just means I'm the only schmuck at work this morning.
95. Adina said:
I have been reading for some time and can't imagine this is true....am I first?!?
96. Lucky said:
excuses excuses. No explanation needed. i too would have written first.. or perhaps dried the carpet with the baby or vice versa of course.
97. Big Gay Sam said:
This whole box thing... maybe it's because I'm gay but.. I don't get it. que?
98. Cori said:
Precious Cox!!! that's freakin hilarious,
99. Cori said:
I wish I had a cool pornstar name like that!!
100. Shiz said:
So right, hayley. Jack's son is cooler, anyway.
101. Bruce said:
If Courtney Cox married Brat Pitt her last name would be Cox-Pitt.
(say it fast)
102. GRAYGIRL said:
Wasn't there a football player named "Chubby Cox"?
103. Sheryl said:
Just got back from a meeting and I already sprayed coffee on my flatscreen twice. Damn I hate cleaning the keyboard!
I give thanks for Amanda B getting my belly laugh freak on with the Danny Boy line - and now I can't stop. How can y'all write the funniest shiznit of the day and it's not even dark out yet?
By the way, I prefer it when they come after work, since my dry cleaning bill is getting f-ing ridiculous. Soon I will have to see a doctor for the coffee burns in my sinuses. And my cube neighbor just sent me an email recommending AA and therapy.
104. Fish said:
Just for the record: it is not my fault that this discussion has turned to phrases such as "Precious Cox," or "Cox-Pitt."
105. Heather 2 said:
Is there a certain setting on digital cameras for taking pictures of the moon or sunsets? I just can't seem to get a good one.
106. Sheryl said:
Sorry thought my blackberry crapped out on the post the first time!
107. moose said:
KS and Kahli, THIS is why that picture is associated with Heather B.
http://www.adplusplus.net/adplusplus/2004/02/alternative_bab.html
108. moose said:
(but they got it from dooce)
109. moose said:
...crap. what i meant was. never mind.
Dooce, your last few posts are hilarious. Write a book, girl, I'm tellin you.
110. Sheryl said:
My boss just called me from home where she is working today to ask me if I am OK. She had reports of someone crying in my row, in loud bursts, followed by a few "Oh, SHIT!"s
She was not amused that I said I had, umm, received some humorous comments today.
"Dooced": Recive verbal warning for laughing too hard and too long too many times in one day, for staining company property with coffee-spew and for using cursewords outloud when accidentally posting a message twice, while reading Dooce.com.
She actually said: "You should just curse under your breath, like everyone else does!"
111. Chloe said:
Now I feel like the only person in the world who starts thinking up bad jokes and giggling immaturely the instant I hear the word "box". At least the Canadians are with me!
It took me a minute to figure out that this picture was actually OF the moon. I have brain rot, and I fear it may be terminal.
112. Tracy said:
Well, of course Leta's not a witch YET, Fish - she isn't old enough for Wiccan school yet.
113. Tracy said:
Wiccan Camp, I mean.
114. Shano said:
The laxative box totally adds to the composition of the photo. Pure Genius!
115. Anne said:
All I gotta say is the kid baptized herself. What a smart cookie.
116. Psycho Kitty said:
Well, don't you think that you'll get your card back now that you're singing in the choir?
117. Chris From Ohio said:
The Vagina Monlogues shall be performed in, ironically, a black box theatre.
Waitress: Would you like a box?
Diner: Yes, but I'd like to just keep eating.
Warehouse Manager nickname: The Box Master
I'll leave the girlscout cookie drive boxes alone; make up your own jokes.
118. christy kilgore-hadley said:
At the university I work at there is a football player named Lucius Pusey. There is no way to say that and not make it sound like you are saying luscious pussy with a bad french accent. Or an accent OF FRANCE!!!!! that is.
Anyhow - check the last line in the story I linked to if ya don't believe me. You can see his picture if you download the whole PDF media guide.
119. christy said:
Hi - I'm the dork with my whole full name posted. What a nerd.
120. Weezee said:
Um, Lucky #86...what's with the tupperware story on your blog? Looks an awful lot like Dooce's.
121. faith said:
Slang travels, in Dutch they use the term "doos". (Say it like 'doshe')It means........box. In both senses of the word.
122. Kahli said:
Whoa... Lucky, what's up?
123. Carol said:
Always clean the carpet or sofa or floor first. By the time you're finished, the baby's probably done something else to themselves anyway.
What's the deal with not being able to comment on other things? I missed something.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I am too tired to try to be funny.
124. liz said:
On my crapy little weblog, "comments" are called "chubbies", because i find the word "chubby" infinitely hilarious. then combine that with the fact that to leave a comment, one must type in the "box". a few weeks ago, i got a comment that literally said "How do you make your box such a hard place to leave a Chubby?"
i almost peed my pants.
ok, ok. i did pee my pants. but only a little.
125. christy said:
Yeah - no kidding Lucky! That's not cool.
126. hayley said:
GREAT. just now when a student asked me if she would get her new class schedule put into her BOX, i nearly died laughing.
THANKS GUYS. i am now COMPLETELY unprofessional.
127. Anne said:
Re: #86 - HA!
128. moose said:
Lucky #86- what the hey??! That is so not cool. What gives?
129. lulu cornichon said:
Liz-- that's *hilarious*
Lucky-- what's the deal? How is that okay?
130. Kahli said:
Release the hounds....
131. GRAYGIRL said:
LUCKY,
If you are going to blog at least be original, if nothing else. What are you thinking...no one is going to see it? DUH
132. christy said:
I left a comment regarding lucky's post on her page and it was deleted! Double uncool.
133. Caroline said:
Wow, I guess I upset some people yesterday.....
YaY ME!
I accounted for not one but TWO of the Tards!
I'm so proud....
134. Sheryl said:
Lucky. Dude. Did you check the copyright on this site?
I ran a compare on your version of Dooce's Tupperware story and the original. Small number of deletions and changes. That is illegal, on multiple grounds. And bad karma.
135. anne said:
Well...looks like we've all been locked out of Lucky's commentary - hmmm. Why would that be? Is someone feeling a little *guilty*?
Mayhap this is an experiment on her part to increase her readership.
Could be either, I suppose.
Happy Thanksgiving, Heather and family... and to the rest of you out there in commentland! (yes, I know, it's only thanksgiving in the US - happy happy, anyway...)
136. steph said:
LMAO at your WWF entry. It's so true!! Although sometimes I do resort to hair pulling if the nads aren't within reach and he has a death hold on me. Which is totally wonky considering I have about 40 pounds on him.
137. christy said:
She deleted it already.
138. Lucky said:
the blog was a cut that I had taken from another persons email versions of dooce to me. Hence the reason it is the only one that is unlocked. For future referrence no copy and paste will be used. I had only read the email until I had actually come across the site. No worries kids. I've taken it down and read through dooce and now know where that came from.
139. lulu cornichon said:
And that somehow makes it okay? huh?
140. RG said:
Dude... what idiot completely rips off a website, and then comments on said website, complete with a link to their blog, where we could all then read said idiot's blatant plagiarism? Wow. That's just... that's just so dumb.
Should be fun to watch!
141. christy said:
Yeah - I don't get it. You still didn't have on there that is wasn't what you had written in any way, shape or form. People were commenting about how funny it was and you said nothing.
142. Lucky said:
Not okay, just unknown to me. First time I've posted to dooce and I guess looking through emails not the first time these blogs have been reworded.
143. beachgal said:
That moon picture is really cool. You yet again blow me away.
Not to be a total nerd, but it's WWE now.
Oh god, I just admitted I am up to date on wrestling stuff. Eek!
144. Sheryl said:
Am I the only one who doesn't know what these references to emails are about?
Dooce, do you also send out a big email when you post?
Or are the emails just when other people copy the cool thing they saw online and send it to other people?
Lucky, you still represented it as your own words, by using "I" and by not prefacing it with the fact that someone sent it to you in an email (if that even happened).
Dooce fans can be like a pack of attack dogs. But ya gotta atleast be honest about what you were doing.
I mean, I do not believe that you wouldn't be pissed and rightfully so if the situation were reversed...
145. Carol said:
I'm an idiot, but what is LMAO??
Oh, Sheryl did you finish your 50,000 (!!!) words? What are you writing about?
146. Lucky said:
Good, send the pack.. otherwise the post would not have been public. Shit happens folks and thank god it does because this is all being cut and paste to the source that gave it to me. yes it's taken down but the link to this page is alive and well.
147. Different Patrick said:
Lucky, people just usually expect blogs to either a) contain original writings or b) explicitly state where the copy/pasted material is from. And they don't expect wholesale quoting, just excerpts and a link.
And now that attention has been brought to it, and the plagiarist has recanted, then everyone else can take a chill pill.
148. Danika said:
Carol ~ LMAO = Laugh My Ass Off
*sigh* I think I'm going to need to look at this pic on my iMac. It really looks crappy on this browser... can't make out ANYTHING other than what must be the moon...
149. jackie said:
HEY! I don't get it either! Is there supposed to be poop coming outta ther? Or... no poop? I don't GET IT. WHAT LAXATIVES? I don't have kids so I'm never gonna get the kid talk, but I do poop so let me get in on the poop jokes!!!
150. jackie said:
p.s. nard punching #1!!!!
151. Lucky said:
as I said before this would have been a locked entry if I had written it hence why I wanted to leave the link.
152. Chris From Ohio said:
Carol - LMAO is Laughing My Ass Off
In other news, what do you call a shipping outfit run by transvestites? Male Boxes Etcetera.
Hello? Is this thing on? Tough room...
153. Embarrassed to put my name said:
Grossest thing EVER.
There is a sight that our little buddy FROM WISCONSIN sent us, something like rate my poop dot com or rate my poo and it is TOTALLY GROSS, but I thought I would not be a censor-ing bitch and I would let the curious do their bidding...
Don't look when you are eating. It went with the email about weighing poop... gross but funny. Mostly gross.
154. Embarrassed said:
make that "site"...
155. LadyBug said:
Wow. I was away for a couple hours and I came back to WWF on the main page and Smackdown in the comments!
156. christy said:
The worst part about the whole post-copying thing is that it took focus away from my Lucius Pusey comment. LUCIUS PUSEY, people! C'mon! That is golden.
157. Sheryl said:
Hey Carol!
I'm not at 50,000 yet. About 32,439 at last count. Whew. I have the next few days relatively off from work, so I'll get in a few hours a day of writing.
Whassup where you are?
158. GRAYGIRL said:
Oh Christy
"golden"...as in showers????
I know gross, but I couldn't help myself.
159. Chris From Ohio said:
Come on! Someone give some attention to Christy's Lucius Pusey. It needs some love.
160. Carol said:
'Sup!!
I'm at work right now, so can read/post and generally not do any work.
Have been offline doing the whole "mom" thing. Jesus, what do these kids want...attention? Dinner?
Have a great Thanksgiving. Will check in sporadically.
Fo Shizzle!
I think I might have to use that and other terms I've learned here during the whole weekend with my mom, grandmother, great aunt and sister's family. They'll think I'm even weirder than they already do. Ha! Fun!!
Fish - I hope DL doesn't pop the guppy out on the highway : )
161. Kimi said:
A bottle of Mr Hanky's love seeds under the beautiful night sky.
162. Carol said:
Christy - I love your Lucius Pusey!!
I'll have to get that into the conversation, too. Somewhere between "could you please pass the white trash sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top" and "No!! Don't do that. Sit down!! Use your fork."
163. victoria said:
Anyone here read "Running With Scissors" by Augusten Burroughs? Hilarious book with a gut-bustingly funny chapter on this crazy character who becomes convinced that God is speaking to him through his poop. I'm not going to go into any more details than that -- just, y'all need to go read this book. I couldn't put it down & finished it the same evening I bought it.
164. Shmee the contrarian said:
Danika (#148): I have the same problem I think, but was afraid to say anything in case what I'm seeing is what everyone else is seeing. All I can make out is a blurry moon shape against a baby-poop colour background and a black blob on the right. Is that what it's supposed to look like ? If so, don't flame me or anything, but I'm not so crazy about this photo. Maybe, just maybe, Dooce is pulling our collective leg to see whether everyone says "I love this photo" even though it's clearly not a great photo. On the other hand, maybe it's just my browser (in which case you can ignore this comment).
Shmee will now duck under her desk for fear of being hit by a rotten tomato.
165. Fish said:
When my family sits down around the table tomorrow night and each one names the thing they are most thankful for, imagine their suprise when I shout out:
"Each and every one of you, my dear family!"
(You thought I was going to say "Lucius Pusey," didn't you?)
166. Fish said:
Just to set the record straight: In case comment #153 (from Embarassed) was meant to refer to me (I'm the only person I know that openly and frequently admits that I'm from Wisconsin on this site), I have never, ever referred to a site called "rate my poop dot com." Embarassed, you are mistaken.
Now, I DID send you all yesterday to that Yahoo classified about frozen dog semen, but that is TOTALLY different.
right?
167. Heather 2 said:
Fish,
I'll openly mit that I'm from Wisconsin, although now I'm a dreadful FIB...not by choice. I'd move back to WI in a heartbeat if I could.
168. Carol said:
So, I was just reading yesterday's comments to catch up because if you miss a day well, then honey, you miss a lot.
And Sheryl - are you in Boston?? I lived in Cambridge for 5 years and my husband is from Providence.
Gotta go be "thankful" and all that shit.
Just kidding. I really am thankful.
Later.
169. Sheryl said:
Right.
Fish, at the end of Thanksgiving dinner, you could grab a drumstick and say "OK, I'm just going to go stick this in a box - does anyone else want any dark meat??"
170. Tracy said:
Victoria - God never speaks to me through my poop, but occasionally Satan speaks to my entire household through my husband's.
And since it's the season for being thankful: I'm thankful that my own under-moon requires no laxatives.
/that's all I got re: scatology
171. Fish said:
Sheryl: I had a comeback that included something about getting filled up and stuffed, but it was way too nasty, even for me.
Heather 2: You'll be happy to know that when I wrote about bad out-of-state drivers today, I exercised my discretion and did NOT go off on a long-winded diatribe about FIB driving.
172. JJ said:
Ma, you got any clean boxes lyin around?
Lookit the way you jammed all the leftovers into one box! Guess it's gonnaq be sloppy seconds when we get home later#
173. dooce said:
I had a roommate in college named Sara Pusey (oh god I hope she doesn't go and google her name and find this), and her brother had a son whom he named Harry.
Harry Pusey. I am not making this up.
174. Fish said:
I know for a FACT that there is a football player named "Harry Colon." I think he does/did play for the lions.
175. George Lover said:
Now, wouldn't you think the Pusey parents would go out of their way to choose a name that personified masculinity--like, I don't know, Hank or something?
I used to think that it was funny that I once knew someone named "Shanda Lear", but that so pales in comparison now.
176. Sheryl said:
How bout the retired NASCAR driver
Dick Trickle?
177. Shiz said:
We have a man where I work whose last name is Klitz, and I have to page him periodically. I have a hard time with that one.
178. Karen Rani said:
Isn't there a baseball player with the last name (pronounced) "poo holes?" I think that is the funniest thing ever - but then I'm a sleep deprived mother of a highly demanding baby demon monster, er, baby boy......okay, I can't blame it on that - I'm highly juvenile on my own. :P
Hugs,
Karen
179. Embarrassed clarifies said:
Iwas referring to our favorite SNAG, a sweet red head in Madison.
Not you Fish, I would implicate you openly.
180. Nicole said:
How about the football player with the last name Wetnight?
181. Shiz said:
Oh Heather, I am WITH YOU on the tickling. Full-on tickling is terrible, and then threatening the nads is the last resort.
A guy at our college suggested that if we were the NADS instead of the CARDINALS, everyone could shout "GO NADS!" at football games.
182. Fish said:
Shiz: yeah, I can see where that'd be difficult:
"Paging Mr. Klitz, Paging Mr. Klitz, please report to contraception ... I mean ... reception."
183. Deirdre said:
My next door neighbor is an 93 year old Scottish lady and she insists that EVERYONE call her Mother Farquhar.
184. Shiz said:
Deirdre, that is hilarious!
I used to work at Starbucks, where the abbrevation for a Mocha Frappuccino is MF.
185. Tracy said:
I know a sales rep who goes by the name Dick Packer.
Thing that gets me is that he has SO MANY OTHER OPTIONS for what to call himself (Richard? Rich? Rick?). But no...
186. Shiz said:
I used to have a customer named Valerie Cherry-Sweat. Who would choose to keep either of those 2 last names, let alone hyphenate them?
Cherry-Sweat? So gross.
187. lulu cornichon said:
My alma mater's hockey team actually *is* called the Nads, and not only did we yell "Go, Nads!" but the mascot is "Scrotie".
Although I never saw it, apparently people used to bring ho-hos to the game, and at key moments of the game, they'd chuck them all onto the ice. Pucks everywhere! Mass confusion!
Also, the basketball team is The Balls. Their tagline is "When the heat is on, The Balls stick together."
188. lulu cornichon said:
D'oh!
Not Ho-Hos! Ding-Dongs! Ding-Dongs are the puck shaped ones.
Funny how the discussion circles back on itself. Who could have thought Ding-Dong was an appealing name for a puck-shaped snack? At least they didn't call Twinkies that...
189. Gia on Guam said:
Vagina = The *box* a penis comes in.
LOL
190. Jill said:
Similar to "box,"
In hospitals, different nursing floors are called "units." After hearing me go on and on about the unit I was working on that day, my husband finally said, "Um, can you please call it something else? You are killing me!"
Now, I purposely say "unit" as many times as I can. Sometimes just out of the blue.
Words that have multiple meanings are so much fun.
191. Danny Boy said:
There are people who work at my company with the following last names:
1) Bohmfalk
2) Cooch-Cleaver
192. George Lover said:
Ok, I used to work in law enforcement and there are endless jokes about the different definitions of the word "unit", as in patrol car.
193. George Lover said:
A friend of mine had a boss named "Snerp Whipple".
194. XBounTsu said:
nice shot..happy turkey day!
195. jackie said:
hell yeah wisconsin! waukesha rep! well, not anymore... and i'm not sure i'd move back... but you can't beat wisconsin vernacular, hey? what the hell are they saying?
196. Anne said:
Another Wisconsinite here. There's a small town in Wisconsin called Dickeyville and the high school sports teams are ... you guessed it ... the Trojans.
197. Uff Da said:
I've heard of Dickeyville! I lived in Darlington a long time ago, and before that, Racine. Small world, hey.
198. Judy said:
My mom used to have a friend in college named Shula Shoop. And I knew a Leif Green once. But the best ever-
My friend used to work for the SF Opera, and they had a subscriber named Mary Uren. And another subscriber named Josh Bladder. They printed tickets and sat them together, in row P on the aisle. (And if they got married she'd have been Mary Uren-Bladder)
199. IHateToast said:
Here in Ausamastralia, we have towns called Yea and Dookie (complete with Dookie College) and a place called Mt. Disappointment. I'm sure I dated him at one time.
I think Dickeyville needs a sister city. There has to be a Dickey-Dookie fest. Perhaps Dookie is too small for Dickeyville, so let's include Yea. Yea-Dickey-Dookie!
God, I am 36....and 5/10 years old and find this funny. That's why I like Heather B...and B is the key Armstrong and not the wailing godly Heather Armstrong from nuvo. Oh, I'm sure the holy HA is lovely and makes a deviiiine caserole. I'd just rather drink dishwater than be holy and eat caseroles.
did lulu go to RISD?
200. Kathy said:
Once had a friend named Jon Peters -- who had an uncle named Harry.
201. IHateToast said:
Harry Peters?!?! The head of urology at UT Southwestern used to be Dr. Peters. Came across a Harry Wang here, but "wang" aint slang here. So I giggled alone... sigh.
Have seen Wayne Kerr and Wayne King over here. It's rather common. Oy!
202. jb said:
Turkey moon--I can't believe tomorrow's Thanksgiving. Everyone have a happy one, or at least experience enough social atrocities to write humorously about later.
203. LadyBug said:
Good night and Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Heather, one thing I am thankful for is that you're feeling better.
God bless you and your sweet family.
LadyBug
204. Kim said:
I think it is more of a gender thing than an age thing. Those of us WITH boxes would normally not think to call these things with slang references. Those with NADS, however, often nickname everything in their lives and particularly, I've noticed, things they ain't gettin... oh my it is late here.
205. JustMe said:
My cousins went to school with a pair of brothers named Richard and Peter Head. And a member of my family works for the local department of social services, and has records on kids named Tito Tyrannosaurus, Flannel Pajama (pronounced flahNELL PAjuhmay), and my personal favorite, a little girl named Penis (rhymes with Denise).
206. Shiz said:
Penis? What are people THINKING? At LEAST spell it "Penice."
207. jkegwest said:
I've never seen the moon look like that before. It's really awesome. Someone visit my blog!
208. Amanda B. said:
Happy Thanksgiving Dooce and Family! And to everyone! I hope you pig out, have a nice nap and pig out some more. I know I will. :)
209. Kim said:
I had a friend in college whose name was Denis. Yes, not Dennis, but Denis. So we always said "Denis spelled like Penis" which was so mean - kind of like elementary school, huh? We always did it behind his back and only amongst us girls but still, it was mean... but what was his mom thinking?
210. Holly said:
Kim, Denis is the French version of Dennis. (It's pronounced de NEE.) Maybe his mom was French.
211. Danielle said:
I don't have any cool name stories. Although, it has been fun reading all of yours.
I just wanted to check in and see how many people anticipate having jello salad at their Thanksgiving meal today? anyone? (0r is that jello (R) salad?)
Perhaps it is mostly a midwestern thing, but growing up, there was usually the cranberry one, and a green one (lime) with pineapple and mini-marshmallows. Oh, and at Christmas, instead of the cranberry one, there was orange with mandarin oranges.
*grin*
I've instigated the plans for making the cranberry/raspberry/pineapple one, this time, 'cause I really like it.
(and am not afraid to admit it to the internet)
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
and to those of you in other places, have a good rest of the week.
212. Danielle said:
oh, and did you notice that _none_ of that was about the picture?
hehehehe
continue the resistance. ;-)
213. lulu cornichon said:
yep, RISD.
and now, the RISD school song, from the forties (no one admits to it now):
We're the Rhode Island School of Design!
We're all dressed up and don't we look fine!
And that's all I know of the dorkiest school song ever (I don't think they had The Nads and The Balls back then anyway).