In my excitment of being first, I didn't get to really comment. I had that same look Thursday afternoon/night. That top-button-of-your-pants-unbuttoned, ate-way-more-than-my-belly-could-hold, in-a-turkey-induced-coma look. Fun!
Perhaps we're not giving 'ol George enough credit here. Perhaps that's the look of one who is quietly contemplating his will power and fortitude in staying AWAY from the cornbread this year. I think that photo should be our Thanksgiving moment of Zen......
11.29.04 - 07:32 AM
36. ashley said:
george!!
11.29.04 - 07:34 AM
37. Tiffany said:
Wow! I was going to not post until I could say something really meaningful and deep about something... meaningful.
But.
My useless spice rack used to be an ironing board holder! I never knew that! I just thought people 60 years ago had some bizarre ideas about storage. Thanks to dooce, and her kitchen remodel, I now know why there is a totally useless little cupboard, right above a heating vent, ensuring that not only do I only have space for half my spices, they go stale in four months thanks to the wafting heat.
those happy golden days of yore are alive and kicking here in the northeast. everywhere you look are live trees ready and waiting for a good home. and they say blue states have no morals.
oh my. i just checked out the kitchen remodeling pix and boy, i LOVE your kitchen. i'm a kitchen-fan and bought the one for my new apartment on ebay and was all happy with it. until today. can't i move in with you? i could watch leta and cook for you..??? i have to say that those american kitchens would make it easier to emigrate if i really end up "having to". awesome, awesome job!! awesome!
Yeah, i'm with the relative overload theory. He's playing opposum. It's a genius way to avoid questions like, "So, how's school?" and "soooo, dating anyone?" and my personal favorite..."So George. We've heard you haven't been stockpiling lately. Don't you love Jesus??"
Heather! Bunny rabbits don't fuck, bunny rabbits make love.
11.29.04 - 09:24 AM
66. Sheryl said:
Heather,
Your expression of real feelings, about everything, ranging from wonderful to shit-ass awful, is more of a revelation of faith and hope for people than if you just tried to reassure them by being cute and nice.
Sometimes fuck is the right word for the job. For emphasis. When it means something, fuck is a damn good word. *Fuck tha peer pressure*
hey there Heather - in regards to "Family First". If your site is evil than that must mean there is a complete lack of good and more importantly an absence of GOD. So then perhaps the question to ask them is - "Can there truly be an absence of God?" Personally I don't think so. Remember - "Everytime a bunny fucks - an angel gets his wings". or some shit like that :P
At the very least for each other, Sheryl. As for you and me... well, that's just a matter of taste... like chunky or creamy peanut butter. If you know what i mean.
:P
Aaron, I am not sure what you mean, but among other things that I want to erase from my field of vision, I am thinking of those Reese's Easter Bunnies.
A commercial when I was a kid: "Hey! You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!"
The best Xmas card I *ever* got had this old silver-screen, silent-movie type picture of a woman kneeling by a Christmas tree, gazing adoringly up at its twinkling lights; the cover said, "Golly gee..."
Inside: "Isn't Christmas just fucking wonderful?"
So I say, Merry Fucking Christmas to you, dear woman (and more fucking power to your bunnies).
I like the fact that wrestling sites are being advertised. Since Cael Sanderson is a huge Mormon I suppose Google figured a Utah based site might drag the wrestlers in? Anyway, the season has started (Yay!) and the kids are up and rolling in earnest now. Maybe George could work some of that extra stuffing off with a few Greco Roman throws? Happy Thanksgiving to all! (Go Stoughton Wrestling!)
Sarcastic Journalist-- Are you talking about the picture, or the bunny video?
:P
11.29.04 - 10:47 AM
97. GirlA. said:
Aaron - I was wondering that myself... a plush animal lays pretty low on the floor. Grinding that low can cause pain.
Breeder Game:
Object is to keep the bunnies alive by moving them off the electric fences and away from the fireballs that fall from the sky.
If you put them next to one another they'll breed and multiply...
Secondly, Dooce - I seriously hope you've got the "Happy Fucking Holidays" kits from Subversive Cross Stitch. I'm planning on doing one to bestow the joy of the season on my family!
Subversive cross-stitch is cool. I love their stuff.
Dooce. You and Leta and Jon are welcome to hang out with our large East coast clan anytime. I think my father's favorite word for this holiday is going to be "peckerhead." That seems to be #1 so far on the list. They make very strong martinis too.
When we're feeling formal, we spell it "phuck". Though one NAMELESS friend (who also scans your blog) has read this word aloud as "p-huck". Sigh.
What can I say. They are all Catholic and could be going to heaven OR hell, depending on who you ask.
11.29.04 - 11:14 AM
101. Deirdre said:
Yeah MM, somebody just posted that!
Yeah MM, somebody just posted that!
Here's the words - credited in some places to Monty Python and in others to Adam Sandler.
Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word 'Fuck'.
Out of all the English words that begin with the letter F, 'Fuck' is the only word referred to as 'The F word.'
It's the one magical word that just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love.
'Fuck,' as most words in the English language, is derived from German.
The word 'Flicken' which means 'To strike'.
In English, 'Fuck' falls into many grammatical categories.
As a transitive verb for instance, "John fucked Shirley," as an intransitive verb, "Shirley fucks."
It's meaning is not always sexual.
It can be used as an adjective such as, "John's doing all the fucking work."
As part of an adverb, "Shirley talks too fucking much."
As an adverb enhancing an adjective, "Shirley is fucking beautiful."
As the object of an adverb, "Shirley is fucking beautifully."
As a noun, "I don't give a fuck."
As part of a word, "Abso-fucking-lutly" or "In-fucking-credible."
And as almost every work in a sentence, "Fuck the fucking fuckers."
As you may realise, there are very few words with the versatility of 'Fuck.'
As in these examples describing situations such as, Fraud: "I got fucked at the used car lot."
Dismay: "Aww, fuck it," trouble: "I guess I'm really fucked now."
Aggression: "Don't fuck with me buddy."
Difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking question."
Inquiry: "Who the fuck was that."
Dissatisfaction: "I don't like what the fuck is going on here."
Incompetence: "He's a fuck off."
Dismissal: "Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself.?"
I'm sure you can think of many more examples.
With all of these multipurpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use this word?
We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech.
It will identify the quality of your character immediately, so say it loudly and proudly, FUCK YOU!
as i have no attention span, i dont understand the bunny video talk going on. i would be speaking of laying on the floor with too much food in the belly and a colon full of turd.
11.29.04 - 11:49 AM
107. Tracy said:
Hell, my friends got on my case for saying "fuck" too much during a poker game this weekend. Hello? Since when is it even POSSIBLE to curse too much when playing poker and drinking tequila shots? Besides, it was their fault for dealing such fuckin' awful hands.
Anyway, I pity anyone whose prudishness blinds them from appreciating the hilarity and honesty and truth in what you write. Rock the fuck on, chica caliente!
If you are, indeed, an Instrument of Satan, let me just say that hell is going to be a riot. Boobs and constipation and whatnot. Oh man, I gotta get one of those Nikons before I die so I can take pictures of THAT wicked party. Hold my spot, Heather. I'm officially RSVPing.
Erin Said:
*... I don’t think you are going to fucking hell. I think God is really into you.*
He probably comes and reads your shit (pardon the pun) just like we do, because it's funny & real.
And when he views the pictures you take with your talented eye and awesome camera he says, "yes, that is exactly what I want to see...a pig dry humping a candy cane."
Keep it up Dooce! We love it!!
11.29.04 - 12:02 PM
110. Jesus said:
It's true! Dooce, I think you're great. Dad's a fan too.
--By the way, Fever, your screen name is brilliant. I was toying with changing mine to Venus Flytrap; but that, alas, would only come off as mockery instead of the reverence due to you.
--Thanks, KS!
11.29.04 - 12:31 PM
117. Les Nessman said:
Baby, if you've ever wondered
Wondered, whatever became of me
I'm livin' on the air in Cincinnati,
Cincinnati, WKRP.
Oh George, hath the Lord not taught you moderation?
11.29.04 - 12:57 PM
123. Lisa said:
So does your family think there is an acceptable # of times to say fuck and you just exceeded it? Let me know that number.
I am such the bad influence. My teenager NEVER swears, its rebellous that way, because her father and I have potty mouths. We have taken all the fun away from her. Poor Leta, you are obviously doing the same.
11.29.04 - 01:04 PM
124. Caroline said:
GEORGE! I ♥ GEORGE! *Why* does George not have his own category?
On a slightly more...er...serious note, Kristine, if the pig was dry humping, what was all that white stuff...
Oh, and Dooce, I hope you really do write that bubba bunny book. It could be a bestseller.
Phew - thank gawd - I have an English lesson to teach tomorrow.
Thanks Deidre!
11.29.04 - 01:37 PM
130. BB said:
You peeps really keep your minds in the gutter! That candy cane is serving as a sled for that happy (even if creepy-looking) pig to slide down a snow-covered hill. Shame on all y'all!
(Points to self) Proud to have used masking tape to make herself a bathroom on the second floor when we gutted it. Go Les Nesman!
11.29.04 - 01:54 PM
134. Caroline said:
BB, obviously you didn't take a good look at that pig's expression. That is one FREAKY pig humping a candy cane. I almost put a bid in for the one on ebay.
Mr. Roarke and Les Nesman are not the same caliber of character. I mean, can you imagine Nesman standing on the bridge of a broken starship, staring out into space upon the crippled Enterprise like Ahab looking out upon the White Whale, clenching his fist, and murmuring, "Vengeance is a dish best served cold..." ?
Hmm?
Can you?
Now.. maybe in a taped off cubicle... BUT NOT A FREAKING STARSHIP!
Yes, Bruce, punctuation police dude. It's a HUGE, fucking, run-on sentence. I'm withdrawing from Ativan which makes me fond of curling up under the dining room table. I write HUGE, fucking, run-on sentences because it HURTS my brain to grope around for punctuation. Sorry, mate.
Let me try again.
We had to gut the second floor. I had no walls up there. So I made bathroom walls out of masking tape a la Les Nessman. In the dead of winter, I was little Miss Happy perched on the commode because I had a bathroom (denial, denial). That icy wind whipping through from the uninsulated walls? Figment of my imagination. My husband clomping up the stairs looking for his prybar. Couldn't see me.
Les Nessman, very HOT champion of the privacy-obsessed.
We went for a family outing to the second largest hand dug well after our turkey dinner so none of us were allowed the luxury of passing out. On the plus side, no one was drunk enough to fall in the well and we did see Lassie and Timmy.
I also am fond of the word fuck. I like to insert it in the middle of a word like un-fucking-believeable or abso-fucking-lutely. Don't let *the man* stifle you dooce.
Oh my God, you're killing me!
"What is the white stuff?" I about died.
Jesus - Dad's a fan too.
All the WKRP comments! Okay, how about the one where Johney is running from the 'phone cops'.
Actually, JM, I think your sentence was grammatically correct. In fact, the pronoun "it" was properly used, too.
bruce's criticism seems to have been about your use of "it" since you had so many nouns in your sentence. However, he seems to forget that pronouns refer to the last used noun (in the case of your sentence it was "bathroom on the second floor.") Which is correct.
Don't worry, JM, we all knew what you were talking about.
:)
11.29.04 - 02:44 PM
148. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Amanda B & Aaron -
Ok, now I just can't see Mr. Roarke on the Starship Enterprise. I *can* see Khan there, though. I mean, little Herve Villechaise (sp?) running and screaming "Boss, ze sheep! Ze sheep!" I just can't see it :)
I still see that Ricardo Montalban (sp?) talking about Rich Corintian Leather... Vooooooolaaaaray.
But you goobers both be too young to remember dat.
Hy jm, I lik yor sekunt vershun beter to! No bekaws uf punk-u-ashun or gramer tho.
Your logic fails. The idea that Ricardo Montalban could ever play more than one character is utterly fallacious. Khan WAS the genetic perfection of Roarke. (it's just a variation...)
And, actually, I think Herve WAS on an episode of The Original Series... though I'm not certain... hmmm... imdb.. imdb...
... my bad.. I'm thinking of his appearance in "The Man with the Golden Gun." And yes, I'm brutally aware that Montalban was in The Original Series...
11.29.04 - 02:54 PM
151. Katerina said:
HA HA HA! Fuck, I love you Heather!
I'm still not comfortable with speaking profanely in front of my family.
How do you do it? Was it a gradual thing?
11.29.04 - 02:57 PM
152. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Aaron, I didn't realize logic was subjective because you are Oh. So. Wrong. Khan didn't facilitate much gettin jiggy wid it action. That was a primary part of the Mr. Roarke thang.
And how do you explain his character in Cannonball Run?
King: I order you back to America to win the Cannonball Run. I give you one last chance because you are my only son with a driver's license.
Shiek: But, Pop, there is no Cannonball Run this year.
King: So, buy one.
The Original Series of Star Trek (the one in the 60s). As opposed to The Next Generation. Or the poser series like Deep Space Nine or Voyager (which suck.)
J. Fever- while you do have your moments, Les Nessman was quiet, unassuming and akward which probably means he was hung like a snuffleupagus. At any rate, he is the clear stud mastah of WKRP.
Aaron and Sheryl- I think it's a matter of preference. Mr. Roarke was all smooth and slick, like he totally knew he was hot, but he played innocent. Now Kahn, on the other hand, would take a gal and lay it down barbarian style. I'm thinking some of those single ladies on the cruise would have been down with that.
11.29.04 - 03:21 PM
155. mimi said:
Does your camera take nice pics at night, with flash? I really want to know before I buy one
11.29.04 - 03:26 PM
156. Kahli said:
The devil speaks for me .... obviously...
So my husband was talking to our friends yesterday about "married life" as they were asking how it is going?
P:
"well, we're still fuckin' [pause because they were skiing, so he paused for breath]..."
When you guys met did you know, blah blah?
P:
"Well yeah, we were all fuckin' [again pause]..."
He did this three different times, when he was pausing to say something but he led into the pause with a "fuckin'" and they laughed because each time it sounded like he was reporting on the frequency of our well, fuckin'.
We say fuck a lot and that was one of my favorite initial aspects of the Dooce.
Cruise? Has the Love Boat entered our stream of consciousness?
11.29.04 - 03:29 PM
159. jm said:
okay. I think I am Queen Goober because I had a crush on Jerry Reed in Smokey and the Bandit.
Seriously. I did. I was about 10 years old.
I had no idea Jackie Chan was in Cannonball Run.
Okay, retro movie night at my place. Pj's only.
11.29.04 - 03:29 PM
160. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Aaron, re: Fantasy Island & Love Boat. My sentiments exactly. They were on the same night, same channel, in sequence, but they weren't exactly the same show. Fantasy Island was *racy*.
Damn. I don't know what the hail kind of pj party this is but I aint slaughterin no animals in my wondahwoman pjs.
11.29.04 - 03:41 PM
164. Cristina said:
You MUST post a picture of Chuck doing yoga. You cannot tease us like that with such descriptions and not provide a photo.
My fiance and I both LOVE reading your site. Within the first 30 minutes of me coming home from work one of us is sure to say "did you read Dooce today?" or "did you see the new pictures of Leta?"
However, I have to complain a bit--and this isnt unique as I have heard many others singing the same tune. Josh wants what you have: Leta and Chuck are givens, but he wants a D70 and TiVo. Thats all well and good except that he is in medical school and lives on loans...lots and lots of loans. Dooce, what have you gotten me into?
long day for that boy. awww. give him a hug. go on. hug him. huggie huggie huggie. i bet he giggles when you hug him. he looks like a giggler. not right this second in this picture. he loos done ine here. but you know.
George! Ya look good in orangey-yellow, i.e., butternut squash color. But the undershirt MAKES the outfit.
11.29.04 - 03:59 PM
169. Toni said:
Umm..I know you said you didn't want and advice on the coughing thing so...here's some advice! Actually it's more like a recipe that I saw on Craigslist and thought of you:
2 ounces vodka (not the expensive stuff ... that would be a waste)
1 ounce margarita mix (substitute lime juice if you don't know what a margarita is)
1 dose (two tablespoons) Robitussin (tm) or similar cough syrup. (I used "Sav-on Tussin DM" cough syrup cuz I'm cheap. I'm sure the real thing doesn't taste any better.)
Shake with ice in a proper martini shaker. Strain into proper martini glass or Mexican margarita glass. Taste. If it's too vile, return to shaker and add another shot of vodka. DO NOT add cough syrup ... that would not be healthy.
Drink. Preferably 30 - 60 minutes before bedtime.* (see below)
Heather- You have a urinary tract infection and a cough? Sounds like Cholera to me. What you want to do for that is to not play around in raw sewage anymore. Mmmkay?
11.29.04 - 04:08 PM
171. Toni said:
I forgot the name of the drink and the all important disclaimer
Name: Robo'tini
DISCLAIMER: Do not operate an automobile or any other heavy machinery while consuming this recipe. Refrain from contacting former lovers and telling them what you really think of them as well. Arrive alive ... don't drink and drive. The author of this recipe is not a licensed medical professional and disclaims any personal or financial responsibility for the consumer's health. If your cough persists, see your physician. If you continue to consume this when you are no longer coughing, contact AA. Robitussin(tm) is a registered trademark of Wyeth, Inc. Sav-on is wholly owned by Albertsons Inc.
11.29.04 - 04:14 PM
172. JP said:
I have to say that it is mighty comforting to know that there are black sheep of mormon families all over the place. Happy drinking, fucking...whatever. Thanks for it all...
When you said I didn't get Les, I thought you meant I didn't get les... (you know as in ...bians...) and I thought to myself: (a) I just might have; (b) WTF does "Amanda B." know about my sex life?; and (c) Amanda B gets les propositions/actions? Wow!
11.29.04 - 08:31 PM
176. Meggiemoon said:
Amanda B, Sheryl & Fish crack me the fuck (had to throw in an F-bomb) up. And I'm digging your website, Amanda B. I'm about to get married but didn't have the guts (or patience or design skills) to create a wedding website.
My grandmother passed away two years ago on 11/22 when she was 85. She had been failing for almost 3 years. She was in the hospital for the week before and by that point had resigned herself to her fate. Her two daughters (my mom and my aunt) tried their best to keep her going though. My aunt said, "Mom, you have to keep fighting. What about Thanksgiving?"
My fantastic Italian granny looked my aunt square in the eye and said, "Fuck Thanksgiving."
Which has now become our Thanksgiving toast.
(proud that she managed to tie the 'fuck' post and the 'thanksgiving' post into one comment without calling 'thanksgiving' 'anniversary' by accident)
Oh, I almost forgot. GEORGE!
11.29.04 - 09:17 PM
180. Sarah said:
Oh, how we love George. Let me count the ways!
11.29.04 - 05:26 PM
181. Laura said:
THANK YOU, Dooce. I have worked hard for 20 years to get the words to "You light up my life" out of my head and NOW YOU HAVE RUINED IT. It was the first sheet music I learned how to play on the piano. I would play it and sing it like Debbie as a 9-year-old tomboy. In my rainbow legwarmers. God I miss those days.
When Mrs. Fever gets a bladder infection, we knock the boots like high school kids for like a week straight. That usually cures it.
(You're welcome, Jon)
11.29.04 - 05:32 PM
183. MrsDoF said:
You managed to tell us the wonderful tale of your T-day, your family's opinions and speaking patterns, your dog's habits, and gave us a great picture of our George.
However, I noticed that you are holding to your word and Not actually saying anything about the Holiday picture.
I'm sticking to the idea that it is the stained glass, perhaps with prisms, of a door.
Mebbe yer momma's house, cuz o' the wood floor under Leta in her cowboy shirt picture.
Home is where the heart is. Yours is in the right time and place.
11.29.04 - 05:46 PM
184. Carol said:
But doesn't knocking boots cause the bladder infection in the first place? Just go to the bathroom before and after knocking boots. Does the trick. Just like "The Water-Method Man"
I thought I watched a lot of TV, but apparently not enough to keep up with y'all. All the WKRP and who is Khan? Over my head. I do remember a crazy Saturday night was Happy Days followed by Fantasy Island IF I could stay up that late.
You can also cure Cholera by performing a ritualistic pagan "Sherpa with snow in his shorts" dance around the idol of a pig engaging in peppermint-fuck.
11.29.04 - 05:58 PM
186. George said:
Lets just say there was a lot of food at the awsl's househould. And yes, I am wearing an orange Harley-Davidson shirt, with a blackish-grey undershirt, eat me.
11.29.04 - 06:01 PM
187. Carol said:
I was more of a Gopher girl myself.
And Love the Robo-tini recipe. Must try it sometime. That or give it to my kids with their breakfast.
11.29.04 - 06:01 PM
188. Carol said:
George- is it THE George? I think there are plenty of young ladies here who do, in fact, want to do just that. Eat you. : )
I can't believe I missed the (brief) Love Boat discussion! I so looooooved Love Boat!
But Sheryl, Isaac was NOT the stud of Love Boat. I was about ten years old and TOTALLY CRUSHING ON ACE THE PHOTOGRAPHER. What a studly stud.
And now, this is the music dancing in my head:
Rollin' at sea, adrift on the waters,
THE LOOOOOOVE BOAT! Soon will be making another run!
Yewwwwwww light up my liiiiiife, yew give me hope, to carry on,
COME ABOARD! We're expecting you!
Sigh. THAT crap oughta keep me awake.
11.29.04 - 06:33 PM
192. Carol said:
LadyBug-
I went to your site and reread and I still think you're funny. Couldn't leave a post, though.??
Thanks Carol, and that's twice you've tried to leave a comment at the EXACT MOMENT I was editing. Timing, huh?
11.29.04 - 06:39 PM
194. Sheryl said:
Hey Ladybug, I don't remember Ace the photographer from LuvButt as my sister called it.
And anyway I was lying like a rug about Isaac, because when I was a kid I was mid-brainwashing that all men were evil so I actually had a crush on Julie the Cruise Director.
Heya Amanda B, I almost busted a nut on your first cholera remark. Too bad Fish wasn't here to see that. Like him, I had a witty but far too gross explanation of the cough and cooch infection but I am too full of astute to say. Let's just say it also had something to do with yoga-like body contortions. (But nothing to do with Chuck thank Jesus)
George looks so peaceful. I need to get some peaceful napping in. have you tried getting him a girlfriend via the internet? Like, REALLY? Cuz I think you could do a solid campaign. lol. Oh wait, someone like George would probably allready have a girl. Nevermind then.
That episode of WKRP was my favorite too.
"Ohh, there's a banner behind the plane...it says..'Happy.....Thanks....Giving....from...W...K...R...P."
You had to love Les. When I was a DJ, our news guy was just like him. Brian (said news guy) had a framed picture of Peter Jennings on his TV in the living room.
11.29.04 - 09:12 PM
199. Sheryl said:
Carol, Yo woman :)
pssst! Khan was a Star Trek character, most famously from one of the Star Trek movies in the 80s, and Khan was played by a long haired Ricardo Montalban.
I wanted to give you guys my email address the other day- but I forgot. (side bar to other dooce visitors- feel free to email me but a)i am married, b)no I don't have neked pics and c)no I'm not into THAT)
Aaron- well you also don't get Les...so, thar ya go.
:)
11.29.04 - 08:10 PM
206. Caroline said:
Aww, I missed George live and in ... internet.
11.29.04 - 08:15 PM
207. Les Nessman said:
My name is Richard Sanders - some of my credits:
"Rose Red" (2002) (mini) TV Series (uncredited)
... aka "Stephen King's Rose Red" (2002) (mini) (USA: complete title)
Nowheresville (2000) .... Duane (The Stalker)
Valley Girl (1983)
Nude Bomb, The (1980) .... German Delegate
... aka Maxwell Smart and the Nude Bomb (1980)
... aka Return of Maxwell Smart, The (1980)
11.29.04 - 08:20 PM
208. montana mommy said:
this (fucking) shit is better than (fucking) reality tv!!
11.29.04 - 08:26 PM
209. Debbie said:
Played approximately 10x/day around ages 10-11, and my awesome parents refrained from throwing my record player out the window:
So many nights I sit by my window
Waiting for someone to sing me his song
So many dreams I kept deep inside me
Alone in the dark but now
You've come along
You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song
Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water
Could it be finally I'm turning for home?
Finally, a chance to say hey,
I love You
Never again to be all alone
You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song
You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song
It can't be wrong
When it feels so right
'Cause You
You light up my life
Did anyone else consider sending Heather an e-mail with advice on how to get rid of a cold just to get that bag-o-vomit so they could sell it on e-bay? I mean, she's probably got some seriously freaky stalkers who would pay bank for that.
Also, don't you think George deserves his own category rather than being lumping in with "family"? He's so much more than that!!
(If he has one and I'm too stupid to find it, I apologize in advance.)
11.30.04 - 12:13 AM
216. noGeorge said:
Apologies people, I'm no George fan. Would definately stop reading if Dooce makes a George category.
11.30.04 - 12:24 AM
217. mrs. george #2 said:
I will cut you.
11.30.04 - 12:36 AM
218. Caroline said:
Good riddance, noGeorge. George is awesome, it's not his fault you fucking suck.
Oh yea, I'll cut you too.
Who's Mrs. George #1? Does George get to pick his Mrs. or is this an arranged thing? Because if it is, I totally should've gotten dibs.
11.30.04 - 12:52 AM
219. eco2geek said:
“You Light Up My Life,†by Debbie Boone?
Barf. Me. With. A. Spoon.
11.30.04 - 12:57 AM
220. Caroline said:
And *SOMEBODY* cool has to fill the gaping G gap between Feeling Guilty and How to Annoy me.
I'm actually sober today, I've just got a caffine high.
11.30.04 - 12:57 AM
221. noGeorge said:
How is George awesome?
I know he's overweight, but awesome? Let me in on the secret, please...
11.30.04 - 01:00 AM
222. mrs. george #2 said:
Caroline- but you're such a FUN drunk. Here, have some tequila.
There once was a mrs. george #1, but after I cut her ass she hasn't been showing her face 'round here. And since George is a polygamist Mormon, he DOES have his pick. So join in the fun, you can be mrs. george #3. And we can fucking maime all of the George haters (well, there really is only ONE, isn't there?)
11.30.04 - 01:06 AM
223. noGeorge said:
Is it necessary for me to add that I'm not just representing myself but a whole host of Dooce-readers on this side in the views I've expressed about George?
11.30.04 - 01:12 AM
224. mrs. george #2 said:
well where are they? i've heard no other voices of dissent. everyone LOVES george. including me... in the worst possible way. so what you're telling me is that you'd rather look at photos of creepy pigs humping frothy candycanes than look at GEORGE in all of his sexy, snuggly, mismatched-undershirt-wearing greatness? Please.
george's awesomeness goes beyond words and cannot be described. Either you get it or you don't. And there's no special glasses you can put on to help you see it. Sorry!
Am I last? I feel blasted.
11.30.04 - 01:26 AM
226. noGeorge said:
mrs. george #2: you made the connection between George and "creepy pigs", not me.
11.30.04 - 01:28 AM
227. Laura C. said:
Wow. Nobody posts at this hour. I feel like the lone explorer of Dooceland. this is why all-nighters are great. I wonder if George, too, is hard at work as we speak.
11.30.04 - 02:48 AM
228. mrs. george #2 said:
noGeorge: Again, I WILL cut you.
11.30.04 - 03:18 AM
229. bbinaz said:
Well, I guess having just one bit of forbidden advice out of 228 comments is a pretty decent compliance rate. But Heather, I think you shouldn't be surprised to receive some e-mails containing advice on what steps to take if you do happen to tear out your eyes -- because you didn't forbid THAT kind of advice. Just a statement -- no advice here! :)
Yes Mrs.George #2 you were last. Last in line when they were handing out lives I guess.....Yeah I know....You will cut me. Nothing against George.....but I kind of agree with NoGeorge in asking how do you all know that George is awesome? You don't even know him. That is the funny thing about people and the Internet. Add the two together and you get a bunch of fantasy lives.
11.30.04 - 04:41 AM
233. mrs. george #2 said:
You're wrong, Kano. My internet life is REALITY. That is why I go by mrs. george #2.
Ok all I have to say is BIG FAT DUH. Fantasies are fun. That's what's so intriguing about George... we don't know a damn thing about him but we can each IMAGINE what we think he's like and for most of us, our imagination thinks he's pretty effing awesome.
And so we go from a Happy Thanksgiving sort of comments section to a minor fisticuffs between the Fans of George faction and the noGeorge/Kano faction. Huh. Makes sense, I suppose, here in Internet World.
Well, Kano, I suppose you're right. With a typical comment from you reading something like this:
"Hey losers! You suck! I'm cool! Ha!",
I guess your sense of humor is just too subtle and nuanced for us to appreciate.
Maybe the comments area of a different website would allow you to shine to your full potential.
And take noGeorge with you.
11.30.04 - 05:59 AM
242. mrs anti-George #1 said:
Well, see mrs. george #2 that is where we differ because my imagination tells me George is so not cool. In fact my imagination closes down completely at the sight of George.
11.30.04 - 06:02 AM
243. noGeorge said:
Hey lulu cornichun, slowly there. I'm not going anywhere. Not with Kanu and not with George.
One thing is certain though, George sure has an effect on your temper!
11.30.04 - 06:06 AM
244. Sheryl said:
I'm personally not into commenting on George just because if it was me, I'd feel uncomfortable. I have a hard time with compliments. Lol
And Kano, you jus aint funny. Taking-things-literal-and-implied-put-downs just aint the shit no month. Sorry, dude.
1. manda said:
George!
2. Rosalie said:
i like plaid furniture!
3. manda said:
I'm first!
4. Sarah said:
George squared, or cubed, or quadrupled!
5. Deanna said:
Hey, it's my father-in-law!
Wait.... oh no, oops, too young, too much hair, and still in an upright position. my bad.
6. ranae said:
looks very similar to me post- thanksgiving dinner
i'm anxious to see pictures of your tree :-)
7. LadyBug said:
I recognize that look....
"I can't believe I ate the whoooole thing...."
Hope everyone had a good weekend.
8. Abby said:
Well, he's a lot less scary than the pig (shudder!).
9. Terri said:
Poor, poor George.
10. Shmee said:
So glad the pig is gone.
11. Squatter said:
I am not first!! George!!
12. kim said:
i would have been happy to help with that stuffing - and the turkey 'n all. i also like the shirt, george.. so much better than poor leta's ;o)
13. Shlee said:
George!
14. Moxie said:
Thinking:" Oh God, why did I eat ALL of Leta's cheeks?"
15. Colleen from NJ said:
Tryptophan overdose. I've seen it before. Nothing you can do except wait it out.
And he's so young.
16. emersongeek said:
George!
(But what happened to the beard?)
17. Angie said:
GEORGE: "Why didn't someone TELL me that the pig thing was a table decoration and not another course of the meal!!"
18. manda said:
In my excitment of being first, I didn't get to really comment. I had that same look Thursday afternoon/night. That top-button-of-your-pants-unbuttoned, ate-way-more-than-my-belly-could-hold, in-a-turkey-induced-coma look. Fun!
19. Mir said:
I dunno, that looks more like the aftereffects of pumpkin pie, to me. But maybe I'm being swayed by his shirt.
20. sab said:
mmm cornbread stuffing mmm...
21. Kelli said:
George!
Oh, George, I've been there. It's not an entirely bad place to be. :)
22. annette said:
When George taunted me by saying he was "going over to the Armstrongs tonight" I imagined a livelier time ;)
23. TracyDee said:
A stuffed George is much better than that holiday pig decoration. wow....
24. Lindsey said:
"Dooce: Now With More George!"
25. Christina said:
Mmmmmmmmmm....cornbread George....
26. Melanie S said:
I actually dreamt that "the George" came to party with us on Thanksgiving.
Weird.
27. beachgal said:
Yay George!!! Hope you had a wonderful holiday! Thanks for always sharing with us.
28. Kieran said:
MMMM CORNBREAD!
29. paula said:
Poor George, overdosing on the Turkey and fixins and being so young!
So glad the scary pig is gone.
30. Bec said:
Bad cornbread! Bad!
31. Candice said:
Ha! George, you rock.
32. sweetney said:
george can't believe he ate the whole thing.
33. Bruce said:
This is a members-only entry.
Please log in to view it.
34. christy said:
Nothing like turkey and football to make someone pass out. They should prescribe it for insomniacs. It works for me every time.
35. Biggest Apple said:
Perhaps we're not giving 'ol George enough credit here. Perhaps that's the look of one who is quietly contemplating his will power and fortitude in staying AWAY from the cornbread this year. I think that photo should be our Thanksgiving moment of Zen......
36. ashley said:
george!!
37. Tiffany said:
Wow! I was going to not post until I could say something really meaningful and deep about something... meaningful.
But.
My useless spice rack used to be an ironing board holder! I never knew that! I just thought people 60 years ago had some bizarre ideas about storage. Thanks to dooce, and her kitchen remodel, I now know why there is a totally useless little cupboard, right above a heating vent, ensuring that not only do I only have space for half my spices, they go stale in four months thanks to the wafting heat.
38. Tabbie said:
We always have to get our tree from the boyscouts... do they have boyscouts in Utah? Anyway you get a live tree and you support child labor.
39. Em said:
GEORGE! Having a food coma. Nice. Happy Turkey Hangover, everyone!
40. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Looks like Jorge is brewing a post-Thanksgiving turd. Full concentration is mandatory.
41. Becca said:
I don't know. It could be the "Oh I wish I didn't have so many relatives" look. I know it very well.
42. the mighty jimbo said:
oh man. he looks like i did after two loaves of banana bread.
only i wouldn't be caught dead in orange. so not my color.
43. Robin said:
You make the coolest thumbnails. Oh, good photo, too. Very evocative.
44. Dale Cruse said:
Still not first! Woohoo!
45. Stephanie said:
George..what the hell..you have to save room for leftovers!
46. shannon c said:
And here I thought it looked like George was thinking, "Crap, here comes Heather with that damn camera again!" :)
Classic!
47. Shiz said:
JESUS!
I mean, GEORGE!
I mean, OF FRANCE!!!!!!!
George is cool.
48. Bob said:
George, looks like a giant stuffed Pumpkin.
Can I carve him? Can I?
49. alli said:
my throat freakin hurts yo
50. Amber said:
GEORGE!
51. Heather said:
mmmmm, I love a stuffed George!
52. montana mommy said:
looks like george ate the pig!
53. jenny said:
jesus, i *heart* george!
54. Eric Bostrom said:
ha, my beautiful fiancee introduced me to cornbread stuffing this year. AND SHE MADE IT WITHOUT A RECIPE.
55. maryse said:
those happy golden days of yore are alive and kicking here in the northeast. everywhere you look are live trees ready and waiting for a good home. and they say blue states have no morals.
56. red said:
GEORGE!
57. julian said:
ha! doesn't matter which side of the Atlantic you live on... things are never that different!
58. kim said:
oh my. i just checked out the kitchen remodeling pix and boy, i LOVE your kitchen. i'm a kitchen-fan and bought the one for my new apartment on ebay and was all happy with it. until today. can't i move in with you? i could watch leta and cook for you..??? i have to say that those american kitchens would make it easier to emigrate if i really end up "having to". awesome, awesome job!! awesome!
59. Andreah said:
George, put your goatee back on!
60. Sharon said:
George!
George? Is that you?
I'm waiting for the matching photo of Leta in similar pose...
61. Amanda B. said:
Yeah, i'm with the relative overload theory. He's playing opposum. It's a genius way to avoid questions like, "So, how's school?" and "soooo, dating anyone?" and my personal favorite..."So George. We've heard you haven't been stockpiling lately. Don't you love Jesus??"
62. Jenny said:
GEORGE!
63. Lisa said:
George knows you fucking love him! And we fucking love him, too. So does Bubba Bunny.
By the way, I heard an awful(ly funny when drunk) joke.
Little Bubba is learning to make sounds. Momma says to little Bubba, "what sound does a cow make?"
--Little Bubba says, "MOO, MOO!"
"What sound does a pig [humping a candy cane] make?"
--"OINK, OINK!"
"What sound does a duck make?"
--"AFLAC, AFLAC!"
Sad, sad, sad. But who else will I embarrass myself in front of than Dooce and her readers? :o)
64. slick said:
i ♥ george!
65. Amanda B. said:
Heather! Bunny rabbits don't fuck, bunny rabbits make love.
66. Sheryl said:
Heather,
Your expression of real feelings, about everything, ranging from wonderful to shit-ass awful, is more of a revelation of faith and hope for people than if you just tried to reassure them by being cute and nice.
Sometimes fuck is the right word for the job. For emphasis. When it means something, fuck is a damn good word. *Fuck tha peer pressure*
67. the niffer said:
Amanda B. You're hilarious. But I think you're confusing the issue. Rabbits fuck. Bunnies make love.
Ok, Fish is still AWOL. I think whoever said that DL had the guppy in the car (Sheryl?) may be right. Hope all is well...
68. Leon said:
And now, through the miracle of modern science, we take you inside George's brain
"HOLY SHIT! I'm going to BYU! I actually signed up and committed to attend BYU! Sweet Jesus, I need to sit down. I think I'm going to be sick"
69. mrs. george #2 said:
GEORGE!!! Where have you been all my life you un-bearded stud you?
70. Biggest Apple said:
hey there Heather - in regards to "Family First". If your site is evil than that must mean there is a complete lack of good and more importantly an absence of GOD. So then perhaps the question to ask them is - "Can there truly be an absence of God?" Personally I don't think so. Remember - "Everytime a bunny fucks - an angel gets his wings". or some shit like that :P
71. Aaron said:
Excuse me. Bunny's make SWEET LOVE.
72. Aaron said:
(and I spell bunnies wrong...)
73. Sheryl said:
Aaron, did you just imply that bunnies make for SWEET LOVERS?
74. Aaron said:
At the very least for each other, Sheryl. As for you and me... well, that's just a matter of taste... like chunky or creamy peanut butter. If you know what i mean.
:P
75. Regan said:
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
fuck! fuckfuckfuckfuck!
(george! we love you! you're number 1!!!)
76. the real kp said:
fucking fuckfuckfucking fuckfuckfuck!
77. Sheryl said:
Aaron, I am not sure what you mean, but among other things that I want to erase from my field of vision, I am thinking of those Reese's Easter Bunnies.
A commercial when I was a kid: "Hey! You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!"
78. Psycho Kitty said:
The best Xmas card I *ever* got had this old silver-screen, silent-movie type picture of a woman kneeling by a Christmas tree, gazing adoringly up at its twinkling lights; the cover said, "Golly gee..."
Inside: "Isn't Christmas just fucking wonderful?"
So I say, Merry Fucking Christmas to you, dear woman (and more fucking power to your bunnies).
79. Aaron said:
You know what they say, Sheryl: "Once you've had chocolate, you never go back." Or something like that...
80. lulu cornichon said:
Fuck yeah, Dooce.
You sure have your pants on the right way round. Just because people you love are knicker-twisted doesn't mean they're right.
Keep it up, girl. You're doing important work here (with just enough poop and horny bunnies to keep us all snorting our coffee)
81. Erin said:
Dooce, you are a lovely person. Don't worry about too much if you can. I don't think you are going to fucking hell. I think God is really into you.
82. Krista said:
heehee! Colace (laxative) is advertising on your site! How appropriate is that?!
P.S. I'm getting George a membership to a gym for Christmas. I'm worried his heart won't hold out until next Christmas.
83. christy said:
Bunny love - right here, right now:
http://www.lebonze.com/playground/bunnylove.htm
Enjoy!
84. KS said:
that p.s. was uncalled for, Krista.
85. discopitbull said:
I like the fact that wrestling sites are being advertised. Since Cael Sanderson is a huge Mormon I suppose Google figured a Utah based site might drag the wrestlers in? Anyway, the season has started (Yay!) and the kids are up and rolling in earnest now. Maybe George could work some of that extra stuffing off with a few Greco Roman throws? Happy Thanksgiving to all! (Go Stoughton Wrestling!)
86. Heatheranne said:
I bet George LOVES the fact that you are enjoying your camera so much.
87. ab said:
George!!! Of France!!!
88. Sheryl said:
Christy!
That's a sexual surrogate in that thar video! I didn't know they had those for bunnies...
89. Mari said:
GEORGE!
90. Aaron said:
Christy: now, that's what I'm talkin' about.
91. christy said:
Yeah - like a Real Doll for rabbits! Except you can get them at Toys R Us.
92. al said:
Fuck is my favorite word; can be a noun or a verb and even an adjective. So many fucking uses for the word fuck, keep on fucking dooce!!!!!!
93. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Public service announcement on the proper uses for the word "fuck"
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/fwordflash.html
94. Kelli said:
The *F* word, and bunnies and GEORGE, oh my!
95. Sarcastic Journalist said:
my husband does that too, but he rolls on the floor in pain. Hi George!
96. Aaron said:
Sarcastic Journalist-- Are you talking about the picture, or the bunny video?
:P
97. GirlA. said:
Aaron - I was wondering that myself... a plush animal lays pretty low on the floor. Grinding that low can cause pain.
Breeder Game:
Object is to keep the bunnies alive by moving them off the electric fences and away from the fireballs that fall from the sky.
If you put them next to one another they'll breed and multiply...
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/breeder.php
98. Beth said:
First thing's first:
GEORGE!
Secondly, Dooce - I seriously hope you've got the "Happy Fucking Holidays" kits from Subversive Cross Stitch. I'm planning on doing one to bestow the joy of the season on my family!
And yes, I wonder if Fish has spawned!?
99. montana mommy said:
fuck, this is fucking funny!
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/fwordflash.html
100. jm said:
Subversive cross-stitch is cool. I love their stuff.
Dooce. You and Leta and Jon are welcome to hang out with our large East coast clan anytime. I think my father's favorite word for this holiday is going to be "peckerhead." That seems to be #1 so far on the list. They make very strong martinis too.
When we're feeling formal, we spell it "phuck". Though one NAMELESS friend (who also scans your blog) has read this word aloud as "p-huck". Sigh.
What can I say. They are all Catholic and could be going to heaven OR hell, depending on who you ask.
101. Deirdre said:
Yeah MM, somebody just posted that!
Yeah MM, somebody just posted that!
Here's the words - credited in some places to Monty Python and in others to Adam Sandler.
Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word 'Fuck'.
Out of all the English words that begin with the letter F, 'Fuck' is the only word referred to as 'The F word.'
It's the one magical word that just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love.
'Fuck,' as most words in the English language, is derived from German.
The word 'Flicken' which means 'To strike'.
In English, 'Fuck' falls into many grammatical categories.
As a transitive verb for instance, "John fucked Shirley," as an intransitive verb, "Shirley fucks."
It's meaning is not always sexual.
It can be used as an adjective such as, "John's doing all the fucking work."
As part of an adverb, "Shirley talks too fucking much."
As an adverb enhancing an adjective, "Shirley is fucking beautiful."
As the object of an adverb, "Shirley is fucking beautifully."
As a noun, "I don't give a fuck."
As part of a word, "Abso-fucking-lutly" or "In-fucking-credible."
And as almost every work in a sentence, "Fuck the fucking fuckers."
As you may realise, there are very few words with the versatility of 'Fuck.'
As in these examples describing situations such as, Fraud: "I got fucked at the used car lot."
Dismay: "Aww, fuck it," trouble: "I guess I'm really fucked now."
Aggression: "Don't fuck with me buddy."
Difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking question."
Inquiry: "Who the fuck was that."
Dissatisfaction: "I don't like what the fuck is going on here."
Incompetence: "He's a fuck off."
Dismissal: "Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself.?"
I'm sure you can think of many more examples.
With all of these multipurpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use this word?
We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech.
It will identify the quality of your character immediately, so say it loudly and proudly, FUCK YOU!
102. elke said:
family is the devil
103. Laura C. said:
Dooce, I fucking love you. Keep on keepin' on.
104. Chris From Ohio said:
Sweet Fucking Orange-George
105. Margaret from Germany said:
OF GEORGE!!!!
106. Sarcastic Journalist said:
as i have no attention span, i dont understand the bunny video talk going on. i would be speaking of laying on the floor with too much food in the belly and a colon full of turd.
107. Tracy said:
Hell, my friends got on my case for saying "fuck" too much during a poker game this weekend. Hello? Since when is it even POSSIBLE to curse too much when playing poker and drinking tequila shots? Besides, it was their fault for dealing such fuckin' awful hands.
Anyway, I pity anyone whose prudishness blinds them from appreciating the hilarity and honesty and truth in what you write. Rock the fuck on, chica caliente!
108. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
If you are, indeed, an Instrument of Satan, let me just say that hell is going to be a riot. Boobs and constipation and whatnot. Oh man, I gotta get one of those Nikons before I die so I can take pictures of THAT wicked party. Hold my spot, Heather. I'm officially RSVPing.
109. Kristine said:
Erin Said:
*... I don’t think you are going to fucking hell. I think God is really into you.*
He probably comes and reads your shit (pardon the pun) just like we do, because it's funny & real.
And when he views the pictures you take with your talented eye and awesome camera he says, "yes, that is exactly what I want to see...a pig dry humping a candy cane."
Keep it up Dooce! We love it!!
110. Jesus said:
It's true! Dooce, I think you're great. Dad's a fan too.
111. Aaron said:
There are pictures of pigs dryhumping something on this website!? Where!?
112. KS said:
Aaron - It's the previous photo.
113. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Aaron, yes those pictures do exist. I'm not proud of what I did, but I needed the money. And they assured me that the pigs woud be gentle.
114. Sharon said:
I'm now waiting eagerly for the first installment of "Bubba Bunny", dooce's new storybook.
Gee, I guess dooce already gave us the first sentence...
115. Amanda said:
We fucking love you too (even though we're just strange internet people and not family).
116. Aaron said:
--By the way, Fever, your screen name is brilliant. I was toying with changing mine to Venus Flytrap; but that, alas, would only come off as mockery instead of the reverence due to you.
--Thanks, KS!
117. Les Nessman said:
Baby, if you've ever wondered
Wondered, whatever became of me
I'm livin' on the air in Cincinnati,
Cincinnati, WKRP.
118. jelene said:
The previous pig entry, should have been the "Carol and Sheryl" boards... they like posted a hundred times...
OF GEORGE! I mean, OF FRANCE! er, OF UTAH.
119. faith said:
fucking speechless
120. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Six degrees of separation -
Do y'all remember the WKRP episode when the WPIG pig mascot destroys the WKRP lobby?
121. Carol said:
jelene-
you could've jumped in at any time!
fuck yeah!
122. Lori said:
Oh George, hath the Lord not taught you moderation?
123. Lisa said:
So does your family think there is an acceptable # of times to say fuck and you just exceeded it? Let me know that number.
I am such the bad influence. My teenager NEVER swears, its rebellous that way, because her father and I have potty mouths. We have taken all the fun away from her. Poor Leta, you are obviously doing the same.
124. Caroline said:
GEORGE! I ♥ GEORGE! *Why* does George not have his own category?
On a slightly more...er...serious note, Kristine, if the pig was dry humping, what was all that white stuff...
Oh, and Dooce, I hope you really do write that bubba bunny book. It could be a bestseller.
125. Jennifer Marlowe said:
*phone ringing*
You want me to get that?
126. Caroline said:
Don't be silly. Let George get it.
127. christy said:
stop the presses - how do you get that little heart to work? i couldn't even bold my text. and you know - my text needs some bolding, baby.
128. lily said:
well holy fuck, that's just un-fucken-believable, you can never say fuck too many times :)
129. chellerella said:
George!
Phew - thank gawd - I have an English lesson to teach tomorrow.
Thanks Deidre!
130. BB said:
You peeps really keep your minds in the gutter! That candy cane is serving as a sled for that happy (even if creepy-looking) pig to slide down a snow-covered hill. Shame on all y'all!
131. Amanda B. said:
Les Nessman is hot.
132. Bruce said:
the candy cane was asking for it.
133. jm said:
(Points to self) Proud to have used masking tape to make herself a bathroom on the second floor when we gutted it. Go Les Nesman!
134. Caroline said:
BB, obviously you didn't take a good look at that pig's expression. That is one FREAKY pig humping a candy cane. I almost put a bid in for the one on ebay.
135. Bruce said:
Look at that sentence!
What did you gut?
The masking tape, the bathroom, or the second floor?
136. Bruce said:
♥
*♥* bold?
137. Bruce said:
♥
♣
♠
♦
&Omega
138. Aaron said:
I'm a guy and pretty damn certain Les Nesman is not hot.
139. Amanda B. said:
Whatever dude. I guess you are able to resist the charms of Mr. Roarke too. You heartless bastard!
140. Aaron said:
Mr. Roarke and Les Nesman are not the same caliber of character. I mean, can you imagine Nesman standing on the bridge of a broken starship, staring out into space upon the crippled Enterprise like Ahab looking out upon the White Whale, clenching his fist, and murmuring, "Vengeance is a dish best served cold..." ?
Hmm?
Can you?
Now.. maybe in a taped off cubicle... BUT NOT A FREAKING STARSHIP!
Lovely wedding invitation, BTW.
:P
:)
141. Amanda B. said:
Thankyou darling.
K, you have a point. "weeeth my last breath...i spit at theeee..."
You do realize we are goobers right?
:)
142. Aaron said:
I only talk to goobers.
143. jm said:
Yes, Bruce, punctuation police dude. It's a HUGE, fucking, run-on sentence. I'm withdrawing from Ativan which makes me fond of curling up under the dining room table. I write HUGE, fucking, run-on sentences because it HURTS my brain to grope around for punctuation. Sorry, mate.
Let me try again.
We had to gut the second floor. I had no walls up there. So I made bathroom walls out of masking tape a la Les Nessman. In the dead of winter, I was little Miss Happy perched on the commode because I had a bathroom (denial, denial). That icy wind whipping through from the uninsulated walls? Figment of my imagination. My husband clomping up the stairs looking for his prybar. Couldn't see me.
Les Nessman, very HOT champion of the privacy-obsessed.
144. juli said:
We went for a family outing to the second largest hand dug well after our turkey dinner so none of us were allowed the luxury of passing out. On the plus side, no one was drunk enough to fall in the well and we did see Lassie and Timmy.
I also am fond of the word fuck. I like to insert it in the middle of a word like un-fucking-believeable or abso-fucking-lutely. Don't let *the man* stifle you dooce.
145. Kristine said:
Oh my God, you're killing me!
"What is the white stuff?" I about died.
Jesus - Dad's a fan too.
All the WKRP comments! Okay, how about the one where Johney is running from the 'phone cops'.
I love this web site!
146. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Les Nessman was a boob. I was the hot one. Still am.
147. Aaron said:
Actually, JM, I think your sentence was grammatically correct. In fact, the pronoun "it" was properly used, too.
bruce's criticism seems to have been about your use of "it" since you had so many nouns in your sentence. However, he seems to forget that pronouns refer to the last used noun (in the case of your sentence it was "bathroom on the second floor.") Which is correct.
Don't worry, JM, we all knew what you were talking about.
:)
148. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Amanda B & Aaron -
Ok, now I just can't see Mr. Roarke on the Starship Enterprise. I *can* see Khan there, though. I mean, little Herve Villechaise (sp?) running and screaming "Boss, ze sheep! Ze sheep!" I just can't see it :)
I still see that Ricardo Montalban (sp?) talking about Rich Corintian Leather... Vooooooolaaaaray.
But you goobers both be too young to remember dat.
Hy jm, I lik yor sekunt vershun beter to! No bekaws uf punk-u-ashun or gramer tho.
149. Aaron said:
Sherly aka Sheryl--
Your logic fails. The idea that Ricardo Montalban could ever play more than one character is utterly fallacious. Khan WAS the genetic perfection of Roarke. (it's just a variation...)
And, actually, I think Herve WAS on an episode of The Original Series... though I'm not certain... hmmm... imdb.. imdb...
150. Aaron said:
... my bad.. I'm thinking of his appearance in "The Man with the Golden Gun." And yes, I'm brutally aware that Montalban was in The Original Series...
151. Katerina said:
HA HA HA! Fuck, I love you Heather!
I'm still not comfortable with speaking profanely in front of my family.
How do you do it? Was it a gradual thing?
152. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Aaron, I didn't realize logic was subjective because you are Oh. So. Wrong. Khan didn't facilitate much gettin jiggy wid it action. That was a primary part of the Mr. Roarke thang.
And how do you explain his character in Cannonball Run?
King: I order you back to America to win the Cannonball Run. I give you one last chance because you are my only son with a driver's license.
Shiek: But, Pop, there is no Cannonball Run this year.
King: So, buy one.
What is this Original Series you speak of?
153. Aaron said:
Damn. Cannonball run. I forgot about that. Damn.
The Original Series of Star Trek (the one in the 60s). As opposed to The Next Generation. Or the poser series like Deep Space Nine or Voyager (which suck.)
Good points, Sherly aka Sheryl.
154. Amanda B. said:
J. Fever- while you do have your moments, Les Nessman was quiet, unassuming and akward which probably means he was hung like a snuffleupagus. At any rate, he is the clear stud mastah of WKRP.
Aaron and Sheryl- I think it's a matter of preference. Mr. Roarke was all smooth and slick, like he totally knew he was hot, but he played innocent. Now Kahn, on the other hand, would take a gal and lay it down barbarian style. I'm thinking some of those single ladies on the cruise would have been down with that.
155. mimi said:
Does your camera take nice pics at night, with flash? I really want to know before I buy one
156. Kahli said:
The devil speaks for me .... obviously...
So my husband was talking to our friends yesterday about "married life" as they were asking how it is going?
P:
"well, we're still fuckin' [pause because they were skiing, so he paused for breath]..."
When you guys met did you know, blah blah?
P:
"Well yeah, we were all fuckin' [again pause]..."
He did this three different times, when he was pausing to say something but he led into the pause with a "fuckin'" and they laughed because each time it sounded like he was reporting on the frequency of our well, fuckin'.
We say fuck a lot and that was one of my favorite initial aspects of the Dooce.
Cheers ya all.
Can't kill the motherfuckin' rooster beeotch.
157. Kristine said:
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
158. Aaron said:
Cruise? Has the Love Boat entered our stream of consciousness?
159. jm said:
okay. I think I am Queen Goober because I had a crush on Jerry Reed in Smokey and the Bandit.
Seriously. I did. I was about 10 years old.
I had no idea Jackie Chan was in Cannonball Run.
Okay, retro movie night at my place. Pj's only.
160. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Aaron, re: Fantasy Island & Love Boat. My sentiments exactly. They were on the same night, same channel, in sequence, but they weren't exactly the same show. Fantasy Island was *racy*.
On the boat, I'd have to say Isaac was the stud.
161. jm said:
Can’t kill the motherfuckin’ rooster beeotch.
Abso-fuckin-lutely.
http://www.youcantkilltherooster.com/
162. Aaron said:
PJs works for me... *beavis laugh*
163. GirlA. said:
Damn. I don't know what the hail kind of pj party this is but I aint slaughterin no animals in my wondahwoman pjs.
164. Cristina said:
You MUST post a picture of Chuck doing yoga. You cannot tease us like that with such descriptions and not provide a photo.
My fiance and I both LOVE reading your site. Within the first 30 minutes of me coming home from work one of us is sure to say "did you read Dooce today?" or "did you see the new pictures of Leta?"
However, I have to complain a bit--and this isnt unique as I have heard many others singing the same tune. Josh wants what you have: Leta and Chuck are givens, but he wants a D70 and TiVo. Thats all well and good except that he is in medical school and lives on loans...lots and lots of loans. Dooce, what have you gotten me into?
165. Grace said:
George has got mad style, yo.
166. Amanda B. said:
Ooooh creepy. A Stubing flashback.
Turkeys can fly- just in short bursts and without any aim whatsoever.
167. honestyrain said:
long day for that boy. awww. give him a hug. go on. hug him. huggie huggie huggie. i bet he giggles when you hug him. he looks like a giggler. not right this second in this picture. he loos done ine here. but you know.
168. Super Turtle Girl said:
George! Ya look good in orangey-yellow, i.e., butternut squash color. But the undershirt MAKES the outfit.
169. Toni said:
Umm..I know you said you didn't want and advice on the coughing thing so...here's some advice! Actually it's more like a recipe that I saw on Craigslist and thought of you:
2 ounces vodka (not the expensive stuff ... that would be a waste)
1 ounce margarita mix (substitute lime juice if you don't know what a margarita is)
1 dose (two tablespoons) Robitussin (tm) or similar cough syrup. (I used "Sav-on Tussin DM" cough syrup cuz I'm cheap. I'm sure the real thing doesn't taste any better.)
Shake with ice in a proper martini shaker. Strain into proper martini glass or Mexican margarita glass. Taste. If it's too vile, return to shaker and add another shot of vodka. DO NOT add cough syrup ... that would not be healthy.
Drink. Preferably 30 - 60 minutes before bedtime.* (see below)
170. Amanda B. said:
Heather- You have a urinary tract infection and a cough? Sounds like Cholera to me. What you want to do for that is to not play around in raw sewage anymore. Mmmkay?
171. Toni said:
I forgot the name of the drink and the all important disclaimer
Name: Robo'tini
DISCLAIMER: Do not operate an automobile or any other heavy machinery while consuming this recipe. Refrain from contacting former lovers and telling them what you really think of them as well. Arrive alive ... don't drink and drive. The author of this recipe is not a licensed medical professional and disclaims any personal or financial responsibility for the consumer's health. If your cough persists, see your physician. If you continue to consume this when you are no longer coughing, contact AA. Robitussin(tm) is a registered trademark of Wyeth, Inc. Sav-on is wholly owned by Albertsons Inc.
172. JP said:
I have to say that it is mighty comforting to know that there are black sheep of mormon families all over the place. Happy drinking, fucking...whatever. Thanks for it all...
173. glynnis said:
It's amazing how many people around the internet you've conditioned to respond to particular pictures by saying "George!" and nothing else.
You have crazy power, woman.
George!
174. Marti said:
Kristine, that one was my absolute fav. I wept.
175. Aaron said:
When you said I didn't get Les, I thought you meant I didn't get les... (you know as in ...bians...) and I thought to myself: (a) I just might have; (b) WTF does "Amanda B." know about my sex life?; and (c) Amanda B gets les propositions/actions? Wow!
176. Meggiemoon said:
Amanda B, Sheryl & Fish crack me the fuck (had to throw in an F-bomb) up. And I'm digging your website, Amanda B. I'm about to get married but didn't have the guts (or patience or design skills) to create a wedding website.
177. AlaskaDanielle said:
George looks freakin' BEAT. What the hell did you eat for Thanksgiving?!
178. Kristine said:
Oh God Wendy! that was classic!
179. Kimberly said:
My grandmother passed away two years ago on 11/22 when she was 85. She had been failing for almost 3 years. She was in the hospital for the week before and by that point had resigned herself to her fate. Her two daughters (my mom and my aunt) tried their best to keep her going though. My aunt said, "Mom, you have to keep fighting. What about Thanksgiving?"
My fantastic Italian granny looked my aunt square in the eye and said, "Fuck Thanksgiving."
Which has now become our Thanksgiving toast.
(proud that she managed to tie the 'fuck' post and the 'thanksgiving' post into one comment without calling 'thanksgiving' 'anniversary' by accident)
Oh, I almost forgot. GEORGE!
180. Sarah said:
Oh, how we love George. Let me count the ways!
181. Laura said:
THANK YOU, Dooce. I have worked hard for 20 years to get the words to "You light up my life" out of my head and NOW YOU HAVE RUINED IT. It was the first sheet music I learned how to play on the piano. I would play it and sing it like Debbie as a 9-year-old tomboy. In my rainbow legwarmers. God I miss those days.
182. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
When Mrs. Fever gets a bladder infection, we knock the boots like high school kids for like a week straight. That usually cures it.
(You're welcome, Jon)
183. MrsDoF said:
You managed to tell us the wonderful tale of your T-day, your family's opinions and speaking patterns, your dog's habits, and gave us a great picture of our George.
However, I noticed that you are holding to your word and Not actually saying anything about the Holiday picture.
I'm sticking to the idea that it is the stained glass, perhaps with prisms, of a door.
Mebbe yer momma's house, cuz o' the wood floor under Leta in her cowboy shirt picture.
Home is where the heart is. Yours is in the right time and place.
184. Carol said:
But doesn't knocking boots cause the bladder infection in the first place? Just go to the bathroom before and after knocking boots. Does the trick. Just like "The Water-Method Man"
I thought I watched a lot of TV, but apparently not enough to keep up with y'all. All the WKRP and who is Khan? Over my head. I do remember a crazy Saturday night was Happy Days followed by Fantasy Island IF I could stay up that late.
I am so GLAD Aunt Lola only farted once!
185. Amanda B. said:
You can also cure Cholera by performing a ritualistic pagan "Sherpa with snow in his shorts" dance around the idol of a pig engaging in peppermint-fuck.
186. George said:
Lets just say there was a lot of food at the awsl's househould. And yes, I am wearing an orange Harley-Davidson shirt, with a blackish-grey undershirt, eat me.
187. Carol said:
I was more of a Gopher girl myself.
And Love the Robo-tini recipe. Must try it sometime. That or give it to my kids with their breakfast.
188. Carol said:
George- is it THE George? I think there are plenty of young ladies here who do, in fact, want to do just that. Eat you. : )
189. Amanda B. said:
Awesome. Kick ass George.
190. christy said:
You CAN'T kill the rooster! True dat.
I love David Sedaris. Hell, I love his whole bunny fuckin' family.
191. LadyBug said:
I can't believe I missed the (brief) Love Boat discussion! I so looooooved Love Boat!
But Sheryl, Isaac was NOT the stud of Love Boat. I was about ten years old and TOTALLY CRUSHING ON ACE THE PHOTOGRAPHER. What a studly stud.
And now, this is the music dancing in my head:
Rollin' at sea, adrift on the waters,
THE LOOOOOOVE BOAT! Soon will be making another run!
Yewwwwwww light up my liiiiiife, yew give me hope, to carry on,
COME ABOARD! We're expecting you!
Sigh. THAT crap oughta keep me awake.
192. Carol said:
LadyBug-
I went to your site and reread and I still think you're funny. Couldn't leave a post, though.??
Oh, and I'm not drinking tonight. ; )
193. LadyBug said:
Thanks Carol, and that's twice you've tried to leave a comment at the EXACT MOMENT I was editing. Timing, huh?
194. Sheryl said:
Hey Ladybug, I don't remember Ace the photographer from LuvButt as my sister called it.
And anyway I was lying like a rug about Isaac, because when I was a kid I was mid-brainwashing that all men were evil so I actually had a crush on Julie the Cruise Director.
Heya Amanda B, I almost busted a nut on your first cholera remark. Too bad Fish wasn't here to see that. Like him, I had a witty but far too gross explanation of the cough and cooch infection but I am too full of astute to say. Let's just say it also had something to do with yoga-like body contortions. (But nothing to do with Chuck thank Jesus)
195. Carol said:
Sheryl-
Hey girl. You are cracking me up!!!
196. Martha said:
Am I last? Please tell me I'M LAST!!!
George looks so peaceful. I need to get some peaceful napping in. have you tried getting him a girlfriend via the internet? Like, REALLY? Cuz I think you could do a solid campaign. lol. Oh wait, someone like George would probably allready have a girl. Nevermind then.
197. Wendy said:
dooce.com Now with less peeing, but more fuck.
198. Kristine said:
That episode of WKRP was my favorite too.
"Ohh, there's a banner behind the plane...it says..'Happy.....Thanks....Giving....from...W...K...R...P."
You had to love Les. When I was a DJ, our news guy was just like him. Brian (said news guy) had a framed picture of Peter Jennings on his TV in the living room.
199. Sheryl said:
Carol, Yo woman :)
pssst! Khan was a Star Trek character, most famously from one of the Star Trek movies in the 80s, and Khan was played by a long haired Ricardo Montalban.
200. Amanda B. said:
Hey Sheryl! Howdy Carol! What's up chickadees?
I wanted to give you guys my email address the other day- but I forgot. (side bar to other dooce visitors- feel free to email me but a)i am married, b)no I don't have neked pics and c)no I'm not into THAT)
k,
loree25@yahoo.com
201. Sheryl said:
Hey, I'm back - my bberry shit the bed.
Thanks for the email Amanda B...I will send you a test message rat abot naw.
202. Jessica said:
I've been wondering about this for awhile. Is your nephew Britton's name pronounced like "Brighton" or like "Britain"? I can't figure it out!
Plus, I'd like to hear it in that accent of hers, haha.
203. Paula said:
George is still here, Yay!! Hi George!
I had the last of the turkey for dinner tonight, Im so nauseous.
Just thought Id share.
204. Aaron said:
Amanda B.,
I'm married and don't have nekkid pics, too! However, I AM into THAT. Go figure...
205. Amanda B. said:
Aaron- well you also don't get Les...so, thar ya go.
:)
206. Caroline said:
Aww, I missed George live and in ... internet.
207. Les Nessman said:
My name is Richard Sanders - some of my credits:
"Rose Red" (2002) (mini) TV Series (uncredited)
... aka "Stephen King's Rose Red" (2002) (mini) (USA: complete title)
Nowheresville (2000) .... Duane (The Stalker)
Valley Girl (1983)
Nude Bomb, The (1980) .... German Delegate
... aka Maxwell Smart and the Nude Bomb (1980)
... aka Return of Maxwell Smart, The (1980)
208. montana mommy said:
this (fucking) shit is better than (fucking) reality tv!!
209. Debbie said:
Played approximately 10x/day around ages 10-11, and my awesome parents refrained from throwing my record player out the window:
So many nights I sit by my window
Waiting for someone to sing me his song
So many dreams I kept deep inside me
Alone in the dark but now
You've come along
You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song
Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water
Could it be finally I'm turning for home?
Finally, a chance to say hey,
I love You
Never again to be all alone
You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song
You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song
It can't be wrong
When it feels so right
'Cause You
You light up my life
210. foxforcefive said:
LAST!!
211. George said:
you wish you were last.
212. Michelle said:
Did anyone else consider sending Heather an e-mail with advice on how to get rid of a cold just to get that bag-o-vomit so they could sell it on e-bay? I mean, she's probably got some seriously freaky stalkers who would pay bank for that.
No? Just me? Well, fuck.
213. mrs. george #2 said:
GEORGE!!!
OF FRANCE!!!!
LAST!!!!!
214. DeAnn said:
What is it about George that brings me such glee?!
215. DeAnn said:
Also, don't you think George deserves his own category rather than being lumping in with "family"? He's so much more than that!!
(If he has one and I'm too stupid to find it, I apologize in advance.)
216. noGeorge said:
Apologies people, I'm no George fan. Would definately stop reading if Dooce makes a George category.
217. mrs. george #2 said:
I will cut you.
218. Caroline said:
Good riddance, noGeorge. George is awesome, it's not his fault you fucking suck.
Oh yea, I'll cut you too.
Who's Mrs. George #1? Does George get to pick his Mrs. or is this an arranged thing? Because if it is, I totally should've gotten dibs.
219. eco2geek said:
“You Light Up My Life,†by Debbie Boone?
Barf. Me. With. A. Spoon.
220. Caroline said:
And *SOMEBODY* cool has to fill the gaping G gap between Feeling Guilty and How to Annoy me.
I'm actually sober today, I've just got a caffine high.
221. noGeorge said:
How is George awesome?
I know he's overweight, but awesome? Let me in on the secret, please...
222. mrs. george #2 said:
Caroline- but you're such a FUN drunk. Here, have some tequila.
There once was a mrs. george #1, but after I cut her ass she hasn't been showing her face 'round here. And since George is a polygamist Mormon, he DOES have his pick. So join in the fun, you can be mrs. george #3. And we can fucking maime all of the George haters (well, there really is only ONE, isn't there?)
223. noGeorge said:
Is it necessary for me to add that I'm not just representing myself but a whole host of Dooce-readers on this side in the views I've expressed about George?
224. mrs. george #2 said:
well where are they? i've heard no other voices of dissent. everyone LOVES george. including me... in the worst possible way. so what you're telling me is that you'd rather look at photos of creepy pigs humping frothy candycanes than look at GEORGE in all of his sexy, snuggly, mismatched-undershirt-wearing greatness? Please.
225. Fran said:
george's awesomeness goes beyond words and cannot be described. Either you get it or you don't. And there's no special glasses you can put on to help you see it. Sorry!
Am I last? I feel blasted.
226. noGeorge said:
mrs. george #2: you made the connection between George and "creepy pigs", not me.
227. Laura C. said:
Wow. Nobody posts at this hour. I feel like the lone explorer of Dooceland. this is why all-nighters are great. I wonder if George, too, is hard at work as we speak.
228. mrs. george #2 said:
noGeorge: Again, I WILL cut you.
229. bbinaz said:
Well, I guess having just one bit of forbidden advice out of 228 comments is a pretty decent compliance rate. But Heather, I think you shouldn't be surprised to receive some e-mails containing advice on what steps to take if you do happen to tear out your eyes -- because you didn't forbid THAT kind of advice. Just a statement -- no advice here! :)
230. Margaret from Germany said:
I LOVE George~~all the way from Germany!
OF GEORGE!!!!
231. mrs. george #2 said:
LAST??
LAST!!!!
232. Kano said:
Yes Mrs.George #2 you were last. Last in line when they were handing out lives I guess.....Yeah I know....You will cut me. Nothing against George.....but I kind of agree with NoGeorge in asking how do you all know that George is awesome? You don't even know him. That is the funny thing about people and the Internet. Add the two together and you get a bunch of fantasy lives.
233. mrs. george #2 said:
You're wrong, Kano. My internet life is REALITY. That is why I go by mrs. george #2.
Ok all I have to say is BIG FAT DUH. Fantasies are fun. That's what's so intriguing about George... we don't know a damn thing about him but we can each IMAGINE what we think he's like and for most of us, our imagination thinks he's pretty effing awesome.
234. juuuuuuu said:
You know, you could get rid of that cough by.... mwah-ha-ha!!
235. Sara said:
Can we use TiVo in Belgium as well?
I had never heard of it before.
236. Kano said:
Well, that means only one thing. You are in much worse shape than I expected number two!
237. noGeorge said:
Kano: that was very funny!
238. Bob said:
LAST! Boo-yah
239. Kano said:
Thanks noGeorge....although Dooce and a lot of others have no appreciation for my humor at all. I guess it hits to close to reality.
240. anne said:
And so we go from a Happy Thanksgiving sort of comments section to a minor fisticuffs between the Fans of George faction and the noGeorge/Kano faction. Huh. Makes sense, I suppose, here in Internet World.
Belated Happy Thanksgiving, people.
241. lulu cornichon said:
Well, Kano, I suppose you're right. With a typical comment from you reading something like this:
"Hey losers! You suck! I'm cool! Ha!",
I guess your sense of humor is just too subtle and nuanced for us to appreciate.
Maybe the comments area of a different website would allow you to shine to your full potential.
And take noGeorge with you.
242. mrs anti-George #1 said:
Well, see mrs. george #2 that is where we differ because my imagination tells me George is so not cool. In fact my imagination closes down completely at the sight of George.
243. noGeorge said:
Hey lulu cornichun, slowly there. I'm not going anywhere. Not with Kanu and not with George.
One thing is certain though, George sure has an effect on your temper!
244. Sheryl said:
I'm personally not into commenting on George just because if it was me, I'd feel uncomfortable. I have a hard time with compliments. Lol
And Kano, you jus aint funny. Taking-things-literal-and-implied-put-downs just aint the shit no month. Sorry, dude.