I promise I'm smiling behind the camera, maybe
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Stephen McKenna said:
Mirror images get me so mixed up. At first I thought you had some special left handed version of the D70.
Your hair looks amazing. I love the little flip out at the end.
2. Amanda B. said:
Bono- that's the type of quazi intellectual bullshit that made me stop buying your albums. Here's one for you, "Don't waste your talent and our time by talking smack."
3. Molly said:
Sue - Those toilet things.. No one but me could figure out how to UNlatch it to use the bathroom.. It lasted a week.. Then my FIL came to visit and he broke it right off and then didn't say anything.. For now while my little one is just getting mobil.. we keep the bathroom door shut.. I figure once she is able to open the bathroom door, she'll be learning to PT anyway.
4. Girl.A said:
Goin' mobile!
Keep Leta movin'!
Whooooo!
5. Alena said:
I don't know if anyone's mentioned it before, but you and Carolyn from 'The Apprentice' look alike. I mean that in a good way.. you're both pretty hot. ;)
6. Kieran said:
Gotta love those mirror shots!
7. Shiz said:
Heather, you so rock. The colour and compositon in that shot are fantastic.
8. april said:
i LOVE your giant watch! i'm a giantwatch kinda girl myself, though sloan hates it. but man, there's just something to be said for being able to state the time in every single timezone while adjusting your alarm for when the simpsons comes on...
9. Heatheranne said:
Your hair looks good!
10. Katy Barzedor said:
So. . .when are we gonna see some shots of Chuck peeing acrobatically? It's your right to take away his last shred of dignity, right here on the internet!
11. patti said:
Man, is that a sexy camera!
12. Elegant Goose said:
Dooce, I love the George stories -- keep 'em coming!
I also have to say that I almost snorted tea out of my nose at Christy's comment (#19) "deep, mysterious supermodel look"?! Supermodels may on occasion look mysterious but they always appear more vapid than deep to me. Dooce does always manage to look hot in her photos though.
One more comment before I leave you all. I...friggin'...love...snow-days!!! (Thank you, Michigan weather!) I'm currently both a graduate student & a student teacher (I'm going back to school to become a teacher - I forgot to think of a profession I wanted to do with my English degree... oops... but I love teaching now so that's okay.) Anyways, yes, I love snow days. I got up this morning and checked the news and school was cancelled and I got to sleep in till NINE THIRTY!!! (For those of you with early-ass jobs or little-ass kids you understand how the extra few hours between five thirty and nine thirty are so very important when you are able to sleep through them.)
Thank you for letting me share... I haven't posted a comment here in a while- not because I stopped lovin' ya'll, but because I've been so damn busy.
13. kim said:
your eyes aren't smiling.. GEORGE - do something!
14. victoria said:
I think that as long as the sofa, Chuck, Leta and George are all in your house at the same time, you need to have your digital camera with you at all times so that you can capture these moments. So far, there are NO pics of George playing with Leta or sleeping with Chuck! Stop teasing us!
15. Robin said:
I recommend the outlet covers which cover the whole plate and have sliding doors to put plugs in. It's a pain in the ass to have to take out the little plastic jobbies every time you want to use the outlet.
16. Christilee said:
You look pretty and, I am a fan of big clunky do-it-all watches too. Thanks for the picture.
17. Carol said:
i agree with robin... i have the little plastic jobbies (their formal name) and they are a pain in the ass. my 1.5 year old has learned how to take them out and is all, "oh you're supposed to put things in there? super!!"
18. sweetney said:
hello purty lady!
19. Darcie said:
Outlet covers are nothin'! She'll want to empty out your kitchen drawers, too. Access to the cleaning supplies will, more than likely, be her first goal. The fun is only beginning!
20. JP said:
Plug covers and cupboard locks are all very well and good...unless you gave birth to Houdini reincarnated. Basically, I spent the money for no reason.
I'm just saying...
21. Nick said:
You're so not smiling...
22. Kristine said:
I haven't been able to get to my Ajax for the last 11 years because of those damn locks.
It's such a tease too. I can peak in there and see the SOS pads and Dawn dishsoap.
Anyone ever read the book "The lady who cut off her leg at the Maidstone gallery" or something like that...it has a bunch of really off the wall stories and one is about a set of parents that went over the top with child proofing their house.
It's...uh...scary how far people will go.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find the Drano I think I left in the girls room.
23. Aaron said:
Carol = Horny
24. Carol said:
Aaron... I waited and waited at the SF airport last night. Where were you? I shoulda known you'd stand me up. You and your big penis are ALL TALK!!
25. Aaron said:
*girthy*
26. Carol said:
*like a tuna can*
27. Aaron said:
I'm here for you, baby. You just let me know...
28. Girl.A said:
Sounds like someone's *projecting* a bit.
29. Aaron said:
*Chicken of the Sea*
30. Aaron said:
Girl.A--Seriously! Carol, stop *projecting*!
31. Alaska said:
What's with the bold word game? I don't follow.
32. Chessy said:
Joining the raving peanut gallery to say, "I love the hair."
So, Leta is heading to mobility like a herd of screaming turtles. Plastic plug covers are just the begining. I can't wait to hear about the first time you leave the room only to return to find Leta happily sleeping under the couch. It is comfy there, you know. :)
Have agrand day.
Oh, and, of course, All hail GEORGE!
33. Carol said:
Alaska-
I don't really get it either, but it's fun, no? Some of it is from comments last night.
34. Carol said:
*projection*
*election*
35. Aaron said:
*Alaska* *Hawaii*
36. Aaron said:
All right. I'll stop. That was so "yesterday."
I'll think of something funner.
37. Jesse said:
Aaron, your website says you're 31, but you act like you be 13. Serious. Rookie.
38. Melanie S said:
Yeah for the Leta baby!
I'm doing the "Happy Happy Joy Joy" dance!
39. Melanie S said:
Another thought...
Invest in the straps that prevent dressers, bookshelves and other large items from falling on your little frog.
My son was injured by a shelf in his closet that was 8 feet tall. It had a bottom unit with 3 drawera and a top unit that had a door and a 2 shelves. He was 18 months old and got into the closet, opened the 3 drawers causing the unit to tip. The entire thing fell on. He broke his arm and collar bone, and was not brething when we found him.
40. Aaron said:
Jesse, I was talking to Carol. Thanks.
41. anne said:
DOOCE:
(yes, I'm shouting)
You could have an entire separate website for your commentors in all their strange, brilliant, not-so-brilliant, mysterious, occasionally funny ways. Really, you could.
And - congratulations, Fish. He's gorgeous.
42. Em said:
Yeah for Leta!!!!! But you are right to be scared - it will never be the same once she is mobile!
43. al said:
Dooce/Heather why is your daughter going to therapy???? I must have missed what is wrong with her development. The Dr.
44. Jesse said:
Dude, don't look now but you are talkin to the whole friggin world here. I can't feel you, man. If I didn't know better I would think you are skipping junior high and pretending to be your uncle.
At least if you're going to *bold* words to get attention, how bout making it either clever enough or stupid enough for the rest of us to feel you.
*Mary Shitsmas and a Nappy Ewe Rear*
45. Terri said:
I can't get over how great your haircut is.
46. Kristine said:
Anne Said, "You could have an entire separate website for your commentors in all their strange, brilliant, not-so-brilliant, mysterious, occasionally funny ways. Really, you could."
I thought a list would be a good idea. Save Dooce some bandwidth.
Or at least a chat room so we can all talk...or in some cases, play weird bold writing games, or talk about WKRP or Captain Stoobing, or just share stuff that is undooce related. (wait, is there stuff undooce related?)
I'm on a list for the old TV show My So-called life (yes, it's been like 10 years since it aired, we all became friends and didn't have the heart to shut down the list)
It varies on what we talk about, but the friends I have made there are priceless.
How much bandwidth did I just waste talking about that?
47. Carol said:
be nice to aaron, please.
48. Aaron said:
Yeah. I'm about to *cry*. Hold me.
49. Beth said:
First off, again - great hair. I LOVE the color! I wish I could wear mine that length. My face is too round! :(
Second, the D70 geek in me says "I love the way the focus assit light is shiny in that picture." I can't help it.
Third, Kristine! My So-Called Life - I miss that show! I loved it loved it.
Fourth - Many congrats to Fish!
50. Kristine said:
Beth- Yeah, I'm a Angela at heart, but now that it's 10 years later and I watch the show over, I can SO relate to the mother. I just think, "Oh hell no would I let my daughter dye her hair Crimzon Glow!". Ten years ago I thought, "Ohhh, cool hair color."
Funny how having kids just changes how you look at things.
51. Erin said:
Speaking of not-so-Dooce-related things...
the Fishes had their baby!
http://symbioticfishes.blogspot.com/
52. jill said:
you sure are purty
53. the niffer said:
Yikes. The fur's a-flyin'.
Dooce - love the colour.
Jenny - Screw em. Do you really want to work in that kind of culture anyway? My husband used to work for a very stuffy corporation and the caustic environment sucked the very marrow from his soul. If soul's had marrow.
Hopefully you'll find a place that sees your site and says "this chick fuckin rocks", as said husband did ('cept they didn't call him a chick). Good luck.
I'm so happy nerd watches are cool. I get some interesting looks when there are corporate folks in the room. At least it matches the one full suit I own.
Sherly - my real name is Jen(nifer) and the niffer is just one of thousands of nicknames my husband has for me. I thought niffer might be better than smoochie, squidgibow, or the ever popular pickle panties.
54. the niffer said:
AHHH! Souls. Not soul's.
Someone put me out of my misery.
55. Carol said:
Pickle Panties?? Explanation, please.
56. Girl.A said:
But are you really smiling behind those panties?
57. cliclou said:
great hair color.
now, don't do anything crazy.
58. the niffer said:
Re: Pickle Panties. I have no idea. But you can ask him:
www.wtfudge.blogspot.com
If you find out, let me know.
My panties are always smiling. Aren't everyone's?
59. Shmee said:
Jennifer = Jen-niffer = niffer
Maybe?
60. MrsDoF said:
The outlet covers were marketed after our oldest son put the housekey into an outlet and caused the Breaker to Trip for the entire apartment building we were living in at the time.
The covers are a big pain in the derrierre for grown-ups, but babies are so dumb and smart at the same time--Constant Vigilance Required.
You really leave the watch on all the time? Even reconvening the procedure?
61. sue said:
Go, Leta! Mobile is good! For the record, I still have outlet covers on the outlets, and my son is 10. No, he's not incredibly dense, I'm just incredibly lazy. Just wait till Leta decides to play in the toilet, and you have to get one of those weird baby-proof latches so she doesn't open it up for a swim. Then there's the latches that keep kitchen cabinets shut, the anchors to keep shelves stable when she tries to climb them, etc... Oh, the horror!
62. red said:
pretty.
63. red said:
are you right or left handed?
64. shlee said:
I'm not first, but nice picture :)
65. Angie said:
Smiling is overrated if you ask me! I never smile much but I'm perfectly happy.
66. beachgal said:
Nice! I always hate pictures of me, but you seem to photograph so well. Even when you do it yourself. That's awesome!
67. Sarah said:
Your hair looks awesome
68. Shmee said:
Heather, you have beautiful eyes.
69. pismire said:
Well I don't see the classic lumping up of the cheeks, so I'm doubting the smile, maybe. . . .
70. ninotchka said:
nice hair. the darker shade is quite striking.
71. LadyBug said:
Your hair looks great!
Nice eyebrows, too!
72. lulu cornichon said:
I'm so glad you don't have a dainty little unreadable watch.
Pretty girl + giant dorky watch = super appealing.
73. Laura said:
This is the best hair photo yet. It looks awesome!
74. ChickenFlicken said:
You're very striking, even when you're behind your camera. Leta definitely has your commanding eyebrows. Commanding, damn it!
75. sab said:
your hair looks awesome that colour. really makes your baby blues stand out.
76. Molly said:
Your eyes are so beautiful!! My Husband has bright blue eyes like that.. Red is a nice color on you. :)
77. Jessica said:
I really love your dark hair. It's such a nice contrast with your eyes. Very "sitting-by-the-fire-in-a-snowstorm", which probably comes in handy in Utah.
78. TracyDee said:
Great picture... whether you're smiling or not :)
79. Mary said:
Smile or no smile, you look great in read.
80. christy said:
It's hard to smile when taking a picture of yourself. You get too self-conscious. Besides, when you don't smile, you have that deep, mysterious supermodel look.
81. Liz said:
OK now take one of Leta with the camera blocking the same portion of her face so that we can see if you look alike...
82. annelise said:
you are sooo not smiling, but your hair rocks. it really looks great on you.
it's finally started to snow in here in central canada. maybe ol' george w. will get hit by a big ass snowplow while he's doing his little tour of his northern neighbours (yes, that's canadian spelling folks!).
83. Alex said:
That color shirt looks great with your new hair color. It makes you look all warm and peachy.
84. Carol said:
You are very beautiful. I love how your eye is sitting on top of the camera.
Cheers. Thanks for your blog. And all your readers.
85. psyche said:
that entry about George and Leta playing is sweet.
Your hair looks good on you :D
86. Heidi said:
Ooh, you look so mysterious and beautiful!
87. Em said:
Your hair looks great. At first I thought your watch was a scrunchie and I was afraid.
88. Cheryl said:
i'm smiling behind my computer too!
89. Cheryl said:
I would be smiling if I were looking at that beautiful husband and daughter of yours!
90. Heather 2 said:
Love, love, LOVE the hair color. But I did also enjoy the fake 'I am from LA' bitch blonde... ;-)
91. shy said:
no wedding band. i gave up wearing mine daily when i had a baby. just got in the way. now, i'm lucky to remember it when i go out! worst was when i went to my sister-in-law's wedding out of town w/out my wedding band or engagement ring.
LOVE the hair. not just the colour but the style.
92. jes said:
this is really annoying. everytime someone makes a comment about your hair or eyes or eyebrows, I find myself NEEDING to scroll up to take another look at the pic.
93. jane said:
How I lust for a Nikon D70. I'm going to use Jon's recent post in an effort to convince my boyfriend that we should purchase one. 'Tis the season to be broke, anyway.
94. Eric said:
K. #33. I'll take it. And those eyes are most definitely not smiling.
95. Jenny said:
Cute photo! That D70 is looking good (I'm thinking that might be the perfect Holiday gift .... for myself!)
Heather: I want to let you know that I got "Dooced"!! ... well sort of. I interviewed at a company - they LOVED me. I walked them through my online portfolio in their offices - LOVED it! But my portfolio is hosted on my (design-oriented) website which they read on their own after I left and said that "They would have to pass". While they "appreciated" that design was also my hobby and "enjoyed" my Photoshop Tutorials, my site was "a bit too informal and not quite corporate enough". HUH?? Last time I checked, I wasn't a corporation. Anyway, they went with this girl who had no website or portfolio at all - clearly the better candidate.
96. kEma said:
Dooce,
now we know whom from Leta inhereted those cute long fingers. Beautiful, really!
Keep smiling ;)
97. karen said:
That's the biggest nerd wristwatch I've ever seen. You rock
98. kim said:
I think you're sticking out your tongue at us all! I love your blog and your writing, you always make me laugh! Thanks!
99. Shmee said:
Jenny (#34): I'm SO wanting to look at your website now, but the link isn't working. Please post it again.
100. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
That is a serious dork-o-meter on your wrist, Heath. Makes me want to play Dungeons and Dragons.
101. Jenny said:
Shmee - the website is http://alleyesonjenny.com. I apologize in advance for its "lack of corporateness". Sorry if it offends you ;)
102. Carol said:
I think the watch is cool and "outdoorsy" like you're going to go kayaking or something.
103. The Mighty Jimbo said:
there is a job for you on the price is right.
104. slick said:
no you're not! your eyes would be twinkling! you can't fool me, heather b armstrong! i know you're not smiling. smile, dammit! :)
105. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
It looks kinda like my heart rate monitor/watch. kool.
Dooce, you are beautiful.
106. Gordon said:
She is so not smiling. Thats a serious photographer who took that picture..come now, serious photographers don't let their subjects smile, do they?
107. Kristine said:
She's taunting us with that camera.
Can you hear that faint sound in the background??
neeenerrrr, neeeener, neeeeener.
I will not fall prey to your evil temptations.
108. RazDreams said:
I'm choking on my spit because I'm laughing so hard at Dr. Johnny Fever's comments...
109. popsicle said:
great picture.
your hair looks sexy.
Are you constipated? You are one person in this world that can look good constipated.
110. The "other" Ninotchka said:
Beautiful!
111. squashlist said:
How can you be so nicely thin with all of that poop in you that you claim you can't get out?
112. Amanda B. said:
Lovely Dooce, hope your day is lovely too.
113. Bono said:
Some things you shouldn't get too good at, like smiling, crying and celebrity.
114. James said:
You have such broad shoulders and big hands! Very nice! Were you ever a swimmer? And I agree- that watch is the king of nerdy accessories! You are too cool.
115. dooce said:
i am wearing a wedding band, but the way my left hand is positioned you can't see it.
and my watch, well, yes, it's HUGE but it does so much stuff, and it can cook and clean ALL ON ITS OWN, and being a mother, I have to be able to know what time it is every single second of the day, so I never take it off. ever.
it may not match my daintier outfits, but by god, i will always know what time it is!
116. Shmee said:
[Realizes they're trying to figureout pickle panties, not niffer...turns bright red]
117. Jeff Harrell said:
I don't know which one revs my motor more: the pretty girl, or the badass camera.
I'm a big dork.
118. Aaron said:
She is pretty, that's for sure.
119. Big Gay Sam said:
pretty hell! She's gorgeous.
bitch.
hehe.
120. Christilee said:
It's insane in here.
121. christy said:
Elegant Goose - good point on the deep, supermodel thing. I think I meant them as two separate thoughts: dooce looks deep and also like a mysterious supermodel. Poor sentence structure on my part.
Also congratulations to fish on the new guppy!
The Niffer - my husband calls me Yamaguchi. He thinks it's funny every time.
122. George said:
When did dooce incorporate a chat room?
123. Big Gay Sam said:
she's didn't. We just hijacked it. *LOL*
124. Michael said:
The thumbnail on the mainpage makes this look like the author photo from a 70's novel. Question for the group: What is the novel about?
(Remember,it's fiction: No "Constipation Stories".)
125. Andreah said:
The eyes. THE EYES! So intense! You've got good eyebrows too.
How heavy is the watch though? dang.
126. al said:
Why won't anyone tell me why Leta needs therapy.....Dr.
127. Stacy said:
Al- check out newsletter month 8.
128. liminalspace said:
a little tea leoni, no?
129. PoeticaL said:
This is Leta's most familiar view. Mommy with her favorite toy! :-) My name is Kristy and I'm in love with George. George has a big smile and apparently it matches his big heart.
130. Aaron said:
That Nikon D70 is pretty sweet. We're looking at replacing our film camera. I might need to check one of those out up close and personal.
(a nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!)
131. Fish said:
Man, this placw has gone to heell.
(I left the typos in to show you all that I am, indeed, typing with one hand, the other holding 7 1/2 lbs of little fish, and to piss off the person who crticized the fact that I've mispelled two lousy words in my blog.)
Thanks all you doocesters for your concern over the weekend. We are all well, and I'll be around more soon.
Take care,
Fish
132. George said:
Did anyone else notice the google ads today? Colon cleansing! OH JOY!
133. Colleen from NJ said:
ok Aaaaaaaron, you have to tell me where that quote is from, because try as I might, I. Can't. Remember.
134. Aaron said:
Colleen from NJ,
nudge, nudge
wink, wink
say no more, say no more
(it's from a Monty Python skit about taking "candid photos")
What's up with all the "aaaaa's"?
:P
135. LadyBug said:
Hey Dooce,
Just wondering what your thoughts are on Ken Jennings finally losing on "Jeopardy!"? Is there, like, rioting and whatnot in Utah today?
136. Shmee said:
Fish: Yes, you missed a particularly weird couple of days. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or look away.
Congratulations again and welcome back!
137. Aaron said:
Hey Carol. could you email me at anelson41@gmail.com?
138. Carol said:
Hey Fish- can't wait to hear the story....
139. Colleen from NJ said:
Aaron, sorry bout tht overdose. hd problem when lptop sliding off lp nd decided to leve it in.
Yes! Monty Python!
Thnks!
140. Carrie said:
Gotta say I love the self portrait. Very sophisticated.
141. Bec said:
I still love your hair.
142. Anne said:
This is most distressing. Not only do you write beautifully (I love your site, your are very, very funny and I don't even know any mormons) but you are terribly sleek and sophisticated or maybe, hopeful pause, you just photograph very well?
143. annelise said:
me at four...
stuck a pair of tweezers in the bathroom socket and my arm turned black to the elbow. my little bro stuck a car key in at three and tried to turn it on. again with the black arm. still alive.
leta could be really creative like my kid who constantly stuck hot wheels in the vcr (that sounds so old) and bananas in the tape deck. also played in the kitty litter, but didn't bother with the sockets at all. the cycle has been broken...
144. wendy! said:
This may be of topic, but is GEORGE! single?
:)
Wendy!
145. Kristine said:
I was just rereading some old archives from here. I found the one why Dooce should not work from home.
I don't know how anyone can do it. I have avoided ALL work today.
It's pretty simple. Just keep hitting 'refresh'.
146. Erin said:
You are not, Dooce!
147. Kristine said:
[checking label on underwear]
Nope, i'm not Dooce.
148. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
I'm not dooce either ...
But I did write her name in my underwear. Is that bad?
149. Christine said:
Yeah, some of us schemed up the IRC chatroom thingie last night.
Channel names?
#Get_Dooced
#More_Cowbell
#AntiMormonMafia
#Doocers
#Just_Dooce_It
#Chuck's_Puppy_Palace
...
..
.
Whatchoo all got out there? :)
150. christy said:
Just_Dooce_It almost made me snort cheez-its out my nose.
How about Doocerstars?
151. Christine said:
*knocks Sherly down and steals her Dooced underpants*
AHAHAHAHAHA! >:)
152. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
How bout
*InDooced* or
*SeDooced* ?
153. Aaron said:
Watch the bold stuff, Sheryl. It implies that you're speaking to the entire world in a way similar to God. (or something).
*fuck*
154. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Christine! I am so em-bare-assed.
Ok that one was in honor of the FishMan.
*ReproDooced*
*IntroDooced*
*DeDooced*
155. Colleen from NJ said:
Dooce-ception
156. honestyrain said:
you're really taking a picture of the camera, aren't you?
157. Kristine said:
Aka Sheryl,
I almost peed my non-dooce undies on that comment!
on another note; start up that chat room, i'll download the irc program.
Anything to avoid this damn audit i'm doing. If I see one more picture of a cellular site i'm going to scream!!
158. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Oh you mean the *bold* and not bold content? Ah. ok.
Actually all these comments are public, Aaron. God can read them anytime.
159. lulu cornichon said:
God can even read the name on yer panties!
It's just the rest of the world you have to worry about on Dooce's comments.
160. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Now God can read the name on my ass since Christine. Stole. Mah. Drawahs.
161. Kristine said:
there we go, our chat room name
dooces_comments
162. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Kristine,
How bout DooceDotComments
163. Kristine said:
i'm downloading IRC as we speak. You fire up the room. I'll bring the unmarked panties & a bowl of cereal.
164. Kristine said:
my goodness, has it been this long since I used Mirc that the guy who created it has gotten THAT old?
I thought the first picture of him was creepy, but this is like pig on candy cane creepy.
165. jkegwest said:
Hopefully you named that turd before you flushed it down the toilet. GEORGE! Jr.!
166. Tracy said:
Liminalspace, I was totally thinking Dooce's Celebrity Doppelganger Du Jour was Téa Leoni, too. Usually I lean more toward Carrie-Ann Moss. Compromise: Téa and Carrie-Ann's petri-dish love child.
Anyway, Dooce, you just look like you're concentrating hard on getting that focus right. I dunno about you, but I almost impossible to smile in self-portraits - always looks too smarmy.
167. Tracy said:
I _find it_ almost impossible, that is.
168. Gia on Guam said:
Carol: As a paddler, I would never wear a watch that big to go paddling (or kayaking)...the resulting tanline is horrendous! All other times it's perfectly fine...except when reconvening the procedure, you can knock a nad with that thing!
169. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
I think we should ask Dooce how she feels about averting some of the comments and chat away from Dooce.com. I see potential pros and cons both ways.
Dooce?
170. Girl.A said:
I'm all excited - it's like Going to See the Wizard! What doth the woman behind the magic curtain (and camera) thinketh?
171. lizpenn said:
why didn't George flush?
172. Emily said:
Because of the magnificent cut of the turd, the facets, no flaws, the way it caught the light from the hall and the bathroom mirror -of course! You just can't flush a princess-cut gem like that.
George's turd-cutter must be a well-trained expert.
173. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
All I want for Christmas is for George to come over to my house an clip a big steaming yam in my shitter. Bring your plunger, Hor-hay!
174. Gia said:
Plug covers are fab. My daughter tried to stick a fork in a socket (I left the cover off after vaccuming - stoopid!). And my brother got a really great jolt from sticking a key into one...TWO different times. Not so bright, my brother - although he was pretty lit up when he stuck that key in...
Red looks great on you.
175. Julie said:
Dooce, did ya take a picture of the Excellent Excrement?
Are you going to take it to the taxidermist's and get it mounted on a pig figurine for, umm, posterity?
176. Aaron said:
Dr. Fever!! Yeah!!
177. dooce said:
i opened up comments here for a reason, for all of you. and i say, do what you will. go wild or don't go wild, just don't be mean to the other commenters or to me or to my granny or to geroge or to my ma or to my mailman.
or to britney.
178. J.J. Doe, Internet Corpse said:
Ah, the silence is golden during this commuter hour. I can almost hear myself stinking. I can just barely make out the aliens mumblings from neighboring galaxies.
179. terri said:
I'm so glad I found this website. What a wonderful writer you are and your photographs are absolutely beautiful! Your wedding photographs are breathtaking.
180. Carol said:
"All I want for Christmas is for George to come over to my house an clip a big steaming yam in my shitter. Bring your plunger, Hor-hay!"
That is hilarious!!
I'm still not eating tonight.
181. honestyrain said:
oh dear. GEORGE! when once i loved and admired you so, you have now lowered in my estimation and it is a long journey back to the top, my friend, a long cold journey on a rocky rocky road.
182. Chloe said:
Dooce, you know you have pretty eyes and pretty hair and I really do love your watch and blah blah blah prettycakes.
Just for posterity, I would like to record that I knew it was the wrong word. I just was too lazy to think up the right word, and I didn't think anyone would pay enough attention to notice. Damn you, lulu! (joking, obviously).
I didn't realize that the word I ended up throwing in there was abdominal, though! Hee! I should never be allowed to get less than ten hours of sleep. (For the beginning of this conversation, check out yesterday's daily photo, hit Ctrl + F, and type in "abdominal snowman", in case you miss some of the strange references in the comments, and feel behind the times, as I so frequently do. Wow... that's a run-on sentence.)
As far as Dickens, I just get stuck in all the weird language, and they use more words than necessary. I tried reading Austen too, and I think I'd like them if they would condense the conversations to 5 lines to say that it is cold today vs. 2 pages. Or if they could do a decent modern translation, which I know would probably ruin the "feel", but I just want to read the story, I ain't readin' for the ambiance.
Once again, just my two cents. I'm not saying they are bad books, I personally don't enjoy them because of the language differences, and the older writing styles.
(I apologize for any grammar or spelling errors. I am not going to spell check a comment.)
183. RazDreams said:
That's just *wrong* what you wrote about GEORGE!. I mean, the poor fledgling is probably out there, just looking for his soulmate (the one who knows all the words and notes to *his* favorite song), and then, when he finds her, the delicate flower will read about his infamous TURD on the Dooce-meisters blogsite. Poor GEORGE!.
184. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Top 10 Reasons Why George May Have Left A Poo in The Crapper at The Armstrongs
10. Didn't want to want to wake up LetaFrog
(please feel free to help me countdown)
Hi Carol!
185. lulu cornichon said:
Hey, that's cool, Chloe--sorry I was bustin your chops a bit. Not everyone has to like all those "important" authors, I just get grouchy when people dismiss them as boring without trying them first.
But you tried em, so you get to dodge my grouch. :)
186. Aaron said:
Yeah. NO playah hatahs either.
187. JP said:
More importantly than naming the terd...did it resemble anyone famous?
188. eco2geek said:
Well, if they can gold-plate and frame your kid's "umbilical cord":http://www.uniimp.com/product/product_01.php why not George's...
*slap* What am I saying?! Yuck.
189. Felice said:
Aaron, no offense but you're in the wrong house. If you think people like being straight up hit on by a married guy on dooce, you might want to check your perceptions. There are lots of places online to do your thing. Besides, it's not interesting. This is just for your own good, because you seem oddly unaware.
190. Carol said:
I just made this awesome buffalo chicken dip and am settling down to read me some dooce, but all i can think about is an old poop in a toilet and now i think i might throw up a little. Bleh!
191. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
9. He was trying to prevent Chuck from drinking outta the crapper.
192. Fish said:
8. he wanted to fill the house with yule tide ... joy.
193. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
7. It was Chuck, not George.
Hi FishMan! And Everett :)
194. Colleen said:
8. Of France!
195. Colleen said:
Okay, make that 6.
196. Molly said:
6. It was Jon, not George.. ;)
*fish, you should be typing up your baby's birth story!!! ........
197. Karen Rani said:
5. Someone had to mold that scene from yesterdays pic.....and there wasn't enough playdoh for the horse who had it's ass in the air!
198. Carol said:
y'all are cracking me up..... i'm thinking....
hi sherly, fish, karen rani, etc....
199. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
4. It was Dooce not George.
200. Carol said:
4. he was trying to inspire dooce. that or just make her jealous.
201. Kristine said:
Carol your number 4 is what I was going to write.
Great minds....
202. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
She didn't wanna admit that something that ginormous and delicately-textured could come out of her.
203. Carol said:
i keep reading Dr. Fever's comment... clip a big steaming yam... and laughing. that is the funniest thing!
but mayb
3. it was just a little piece of poo-poo... an oh so dainty one and it just didn't make in down.
at least that's the way I prefer to think about it.
204. GirlA. said:
3. George accidentally swallowed the ceramic baby jesus and he was softening up the output so he could strain for the king of kings.
205. Carol said:
OH MY God, GirlA!!
206. Carol said:
2. Maybe George! (acting like my husband) was on the toilet for so fucking long that he forgot why he was there in the first place and just got up an left when he had finished reading the new "People"
207. GirlA. said:
Yeah - *why* do you think George was lying there in pain with his hand over his face on the couch. It wasn't Tryptophan, it was Tryp-to-hell.
208. Karen Rani said:
I hope he put a roll of toilet paper in the freezer the next before, to prepare for the ring of fire.....
209. Karen Rani said:
the night before*
210. Carol said:
one of my hubby's friends call a bottom a "leather cheerio"
just had to share.
211. Carol said:
good night all. see you tomorrow.
i'll be dreaming of scolotic cows, little fishes, and big steaming bowls of yams.... : )
212. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
1. When Heather told George to "drop the kids off at the pool," he completely misunderstood her meaning.
213. RazDreams said:
1. He wanted to lay a deuce in Dooce's pot in order to show her *just how much* cornbread stuffing he had that caused him to pass out and have his picture taken whilst passed out from dinner.
214. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
0. Hor-hay believes in the environment, recycling, composting and Humanure. Armstrongs didn't have a chute for it in their recycling bin, and he couldn't bring himself to watch it go to *waste*.
dananana dananana *SCATMAN*
215. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
OOOOOOO preeeeeetty dooooocey red
216. Big Gay Sam said:
Straight people. If I live a thousand years I will never understand you. :op
217. Carol said:
what is happening right before my very eyes?? behold, the power of dooce.
ok, NOW i'm going to bed.
218. Aaron said:
Felice,
Last time I checked, *I* was the one being "straight up hit on." Secondly, it was all in jest. Thirdly, don't be a playah hatah.
219. Kimberley H. said:
GEORGE! was merely being festive. It was a YULE LOG, for christs sake.
220. Em said:
Love the new look!!!!!
221. Sara said:
Don't forget cupboard locks to go with those outlet covers, because mobility comes OVERNIGHT. No lie. One day they're wiggling and rolling, the next they're pulling up and pulling shit out of the kitchen cupboards. It's insane!
222. Danielle said:
I have two comments that belong.... oh...either on yesterday's pic or about 100 before now...
for earlier today, channel names:
*doo-chay*
223. Danielle said:
For yesterday's comments:
This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed home
This little piggy ate roast beef
but This little piggy had none
And this little piggy said
*fuck, fuck, fuck*
all the way home.
224. Danielle said:
Bring on the festive cheer!!
woohooo
clench-cheeked spring!
Bwah HA HA
all those people on the other side of the world will be so happy that you made a change during their day. :)
225. Danielle said:
Doh! make that sprint (erg)
226. Sheryl said:
Think "Buns o steel... Buns o steel... Buns o steel..."
Oh God no, it's Cannonball Run!
227. Aaron said:
Sheryl, could you please confirm that, in fact, I'm a virtuous man subjected to your nefarious ways?
228. Sheryl said:
Huh?
229. Sheryl said:
Huh?
230. Aaron said:
You know... last night..
231. Mike said:
Jeopardy tune plays...
232. Tracy said:
11) George heard the the voice of God speaking through the poo, and could not bring himself to flush an oracle.
233. Tracy said:
11) George heard the the voice of God speaking through the poo, and could not bring himself to flush an oracle.
234. Tracy said:
Sorry for the double post. My cable modem is twitchy tonight.
235. Ronnie said:
:)
I love dooce ever so much. Why are we all so darn attached to this woman in Utah, people?
236. Christine said:
http://www.poopreport.com/
Good lawd! This is the Motherlode of all poopage sites.
All I was doing was Googling for pooping euphemisms, I swear. Don't tell my mom I look at this kind of stuff. ;)
237. LadyBug said:
Oooooh, a new masthead! Sprung up before my very eyes! Neat-o! And very, ummm, festive?
238. LadyBug said:
Two questions, Dooce:
Is that a shit-brown border, to go along with the potty motif?
And, are those supposed to be cranberries, floating above the masthead, or, ummmm, George-berries? Ya know, 'cause of your 'Thinking' post?
I'm just askin', is all...
239. Sheryl said:
How to answer this question...
I thought you were incomprehensible. I also thought you were gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). Some of my best friends are gay. And so is my sister.
But I kinda got the idea that you were looking to get it on with someone, yes. And I knew for a fact that someone would not be moi.
You asked about how to get two women and "Ah swayah, ah gayave yoo tha Gawd's awnest troo advahs bout haw ta mayake thet happen".
Carol was goofin around cuz I think she also thought you were gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). It's just *potentially funny* (you know in that absurd, ironic, never gonna happen kind of way) to hear repeatedly about girth or be asked repeatedly for pics if you are a hetero woman - talkin with a gay man.
Not so funny otherwise. Sorry, but you asked.
240. Maggie said:
Awsome new layout Dooce! Might I add, you are quite a looker. Meow.
241. Tracy said:
The new masthead is AWESOME!
242. Just Me said:
I am also wondering why Leta needs physiotherapy? Last I read she had it due to to the head shape issue but I thought that had been fixed?? I've obviously missed a few key entries..can anyone fill me in???
243. Evil Stepmother said:
Aww, pretty new masthead. My favorite is the toilet on the bottom, next to the copyright. I heart little details.
244. Sheryl said:
I think Dooce planned this whole RED thing - Her top goes perfectly with the new delicious masthead.
245. Evil Stepmother said:
Just me, Leta won't put weight on her legs. Refuses to, doesn't like it.
Did y'all know people don't have kneecaps until they're about two or so? Interesting. Makes fat thighs easier to chew on, I suppose, without all that cartilage in the way.
246. Stephen McKenna said:
OMG, you've dyed your background color in between marginally acceptable traditional red and septic tank poopy red!
247. Rammstein said:
ACDC is comin to DooceTown!
*S U N D A Y S U N D A Y S U N D A Y*
That's right, the Ass Clenchin Doodoo Carvers
They play their hits:
Dirty Deeds, You Shook Me (All Night Long), She's Got Ta Crap Crap Crap,
And their classic: TNT
I'm dirty, mean and mighty unclean
So lock up your daughter
Lock up your wife
Lock up the back door
And run for your life
'Cause I'm T.N.T. I'm dynamite
T.N.T. and I'll win the fight
T.N.T. I'm a power load
T.N.T. watch me exploooooooode
248. Sheryl said:
TNT - funny! And scary.
A, just try varying the theme of your material and I'm sure balance will be restored. You know these kids today get bored easily. :)
I'm out peace y'all.
249. Shiz said:
TP in the freezer! I've NEVER thought of that. Hee hee hee.
250. eco2geek said:
Deck the bowls with bows of holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Dooce's masthead sure is jolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
251. George said:
If people really think less of me because I took a poop and accidentally* forgot to flush... then you can all go to hell. Otherwise, I'm comfortable enough with Heather's post, it didn't bother me at all. Only because I would have done the exact same thing to her, had she left a deuce in the toilet of my household.
*Ok so maybe it wasn't an accident, I really wanted Heather to be jealous of my free moving bowels. Anyways she deserves it for giving me all of those shit-inducing lima beans.
252. Carrie said:
Yeah for holiday mastheads!
253. Savannah said:
Dooce--
You're AWESOME, too. Thank you for being the adult-female voice of depression and of coolness. I've always felt like such a loser because of my depression, and even though it's not "okay" to be depressed, you make it bearable. And you helped me work up courage to go back and get help, so thank you!
PS--to the poster known as "kp" who got all upset and stuff because I "used your name" (even though my real initials are kp and I was just, you know, using my initials and didn't intend to steal your name) you can have kp back. I'll be Savannah. Why do I feel like I'm fighting with my siblings over who's going to be the little dog in Monopoly? Anyway, have at it...all yours.
254. eeyorena said:
Ditto what Savannah said. Times 10.
255. Aaron said:
Thanks for clearing that up, Sheryl. Point of order, the offer about two women was made to me:
Sherly (aka Sheryl) said at 11:24PM, 11.30.2004:
Ok, Aaron, can’t resist - you don’t want two attractive females rubbin the nubbins in yo vicinity?
Carol, whatcha want me to give o my story? You ask and I will.
--Obviously I took this as a jesting statement and responded in jest.
Later!
Aaron
256. dave p said:
George: "I'll take "Huge Dumps in the John" for $200 please, Alex."
Alex Trebek: "You can do that for free at Heather's house, George!"
George: "Alrighty then!"
257. Aaron said:
Oh, another point of order, Sheryl. I only mentioned "girth" once.. you and Carol mentioned it 5 times more on your own. I didn't repeatedly say it. Also, you guys brought up my picture on my website first, which prompted my questioning about your websites (which you both said you didn't have.)
I also find it a bit questionable that in the same sentence you can say that you absolutely misunderstood who/what I was (that I was gay) and at the same time completely understood the true intent behind my statements (that I was a married man looking to cheat on my wife and children with two older women who live 3000 miles away).
That's pretty much ridiculous.
Bye!
Aaron
258. kim said:
i cannot believe i missed all this fabulous action around here just because of the stupid invention of the time-difference and the fact that i had to go home from work.. dang!
259. Dipali said:
Your thumbnail is fundoooo !
260. Caroline said:
Hey, RazDreams, not all of us are delicate flowers. Some roses are hardy. Who gives a shit (no pun intended), if there is a post on Dooce about George's turd? I mean, there's a whole section devoted entirely to poop. Plus, he has a whole fanbase, headed by me, She Who Posts Drunk and/or On a Caffeine High. Oh, and sometimes, like now, when I've been up forever -- I think I'm going on sixty hours now -- because it's finals week.
So, anyway, what I wanted to post about in the first place. Heartbreakers is on TBS, with Jennifer Love Hugetits, and the guy that plays her love interest looks disturbingly like Jon. Seriously. I couldn't figure out who it was, but then I had some more coffee and I was like DOOCE! And I wanted to go back and look at the pictures of him, just to make sure, but none of them are showing up. So go rent the movie and see if you can see the resemblance. It freaked me out almost as much as that ceramic pig. I think I'm obsessed. Maybe it's because I'm supposed to be cramming though.
And kudos on the nice bowels, George. Large intestines are so sexy ;).
Oh, and I thought all the Dooce fans would like this website.
http://arbl.cvmbs.colostate.edu/hbooks/pathphys/digestion/largegut/index...
It says forming feces requires *craftsmanship.* I kid you not.
Sigh, back to working.
261. Beth said:
I, too, HATE the whole time difference thing because I miss all these great comments as they happen.
BUT! It's so much fun to wake up and read! I'm almost always running late because I sit here on my ass too long reading all the comments.
I adore the new masthead and I'd like to nominate GEORGE! for Super Pooper of the year!
262. coskel said:
:)
I love dooce ever so much. Why are we all so darn attached to this woman in Utah, people?
..because she says the stuff we all want to say - as always, rock on dooce. If I come to Park City to visit my friends, can I swing by and throw things for Chuck to chase in the backyard?
263. carly said:
you are so hot, i heart you xx
p.s. i also heart your husband and baby....and i'm not a stalker and i live in adelaide, south australia anyway so it doesnt really matter
264. Nikki said:
Now I can't decide if the baubles above the new masthead are just ornaments or actually replicas of George's turd.
265. Chloe said:
Yay new masthead! And I still say yay for George!
(GEORGE!)
Yes indeedy. Yay for George!
Lulu-- no hard feelings. I was just explaining more concisely why I don't particularily care for Dickens, and since you mentioned Austen, it was basically the same reasons. I try not to offend people, but when you make general statements on the internet without much explanation, it's bound to happen!
And doocie, I really do LURVE the new masthead.
(I should probably never call you doocie again, huh?)
266. honestyrain said:
I am happy to see that GEORGE! himself has replied with feelings of self assuredness despite his - ahem - error. I have renewed hope for GEORGE! after all. I am sure he is relieved at the news.
267. Sherman said:
i too admire your holiday spirit. have you re-written the classics yet?
o holy turd
jingle poopies
i shat upon a midnight clear
little crapper boy
268. MrsDoF said:
with the doleful cadence of TAPS
George is gone,
He was Fun,
carrying sacks, sleeping with dog,
playing with baby.......
All that's left,
this small token,
Flush....Good-bye.....
with the last notes fading away, and the sound of the water re-filling the tank,
cousin Heather says,
"I gotta tell this offal story to the Internet"
269. Carol said:
Hey Dooceland!!
Good mornin'...
love the festive look!!
and aaron... don't worry... it's cool.
I guess I was a little thrown off when you asked me to email you, but since you were only asking about law school, it's cool.
270. Carol said:
Aaron...Also, we were talking lots 'o shit to you. Lesson learned.
271. Caroline said:
How come I don't see the new masthead? And I *still* don't have numbered posts. What's with that?
272. Bob said:
George...aka TheTurdMan
273. Danielle said:
that was really odd.... I saw the holiday masthead last night... then this morning it was gone? even though it was bright and shiny (refreshed) this morning... then it is back again.
I hear the theme to the Twilight Zone.
are you playing with my mind?
274. Danielle said:
ah... well, caroline evidently had the same problem. so at least it is 2 of us who witnessed the weirdness.
the number thing is a browser issue. I use Firefox/Mozilla and they show up. They also show up with internet exploder, I mean, explorer.
275. Carol said:
Dooce... are you on a Mac or PC? only because all of this stuff is starting to fascinate me. I'm wondering how you do it all. I love all your mastheads!! You're a very talented designer.
276. Carol said:
am i first? or last?
277. Claude said:
Carol:
Neither, now.
Heh.
278. Danielle said:
what?? a new picture but no working comments???
whine whine
she looks like a baby bird.
Sqwark!
279. Caroline said:
Can I still make a comment in this picture?
280. Caroline said:
Heh, LAST BITCHES!
281. lulu cornichon said:
Hey, don't be a hatah.
282. Caroline said:
Hatah?
283. Caroline said:
OH, hata. Got it. I was thinking in my head "Hot tah?" Anywho, I'm closing in on 70 hours on coffee. My final's at noon. So, yea, I'm in an especially odd mood.
284. Caroline said:
Doocifer Fairy, let me be last damnit!
285. lulu cornichon said:
good luck on your final, Caroline!
(hee hee)
*now* I'll let you be last.
286. Caroline said:
Thanks Lulu.
LAST!
287. Dipali said:
No way ! Im last !!
288. lulu cornichon writing as Caroline said:
Awww, let Caroline be last--she stayed up for 70 hours to study for a final that started twenty minutes ago.
So, on Caroline's behalf:
Last!
289. jenny said:
last?
290. Alena said:
No?
291. Danielle said:
No.
hehehe
not that anyone will see it... but _I'll_ know. ;)
292. Caroline said:
Ha, still last! Thanks Lulu, you're cool. I think I'm gonna get some sleep. I got a 94%, by the way. Whoever said cramming doesn't pay off?