Whoot!

I love the phamplet about masterbation they pass out to the boys. I think it was written by Boyd K. Packer.

OMG, it is very interesting.

There's a masturbation pamphlet? We didn't get that in Catholic school....

I wonder if I've been doing it right.

Wow. Every religion definitely has its weird points, and that is pretty funny. I like the hopeful uplooking girl on the cover, and how she's blonde haired and blue eyed, like you normally describe the multitudes out there.

This is, like, so totally cool and stuff. Although I have to repent quick-like so I can go to the Celestial Kingdom. It will be okay though because I am like, so totally in The Chosen Generation. My Sunday school teacher says so..

Now, where did I leave my bong...

Oh my god, and what if Jesus, like, asks me for a pencil during the Second Coming and I, like, reach into my bag, and, like, pull out, like, a TAMPON, or something? Oh my god, how totally NOT AWESOME would that be? And then what if we, like, have to go on a water slide in heaven, and my bikini bottoms come off, and, like, Jesus is totally cute, and HE SEES IT? Like, oh my god. It could be so NOT AWESOME.

I am not Morman, but I was brainwashed enough to think that after a first kiss in the last row of a movie theater at the age of twelve, that I was going straight to hell.

I grew up mormon also, and the wide variety of books that deseret offers never ceases to amaze me. My mom once bought me one about music called "Apples or Onions" when she causght me listening to Nine Inch Nails, she should have realized then that I wasn't going to grow up her perfect mormon daughter!

Tired Mom, yes, I'm pretty sure it is just for Mormons. The rest of us go someplace very special of our very own, with lots of very hot, very large fireplaces.

You know, they have books like this in our grocery store check out line, too. Baptist mostly, but still. And they are a little more subversive - the title will be something like, "Mending your Marriage:" and then in very small print, "Walking in the path of the Lord to the Kingdom of Heaven." The ones for teens are all about avoiding temptation. Of course the couple on the cover looks virginal and whatnot, and the 'teen's' look like 10 year olds. Gross.

I'm amazed at how numb I'm becoming to it all. When we first moved here, I could not stop laughing about it - it was fucking HILARIOUS and I would pick up the books and show my husband and squeal, "OH MY GOD!" But now, I have been beaten into submission and I just casually put my V-8 on the conveyor belt, pick up my requisite US Weekly, and go home, nary an amused glance.

I'm going to miss that when we move out of this place.

I was not raised Mormon, but, rather, "Born again Christian". (Not that I am now a practicing BAC or anything) My dad didn't like The Mormons and would chase them down the street, waving his bible, screaming (in his thick mexican accent) things like "You're sending people to HELL WITH YOUR LIIEEEEEESSSSSSS."

I guess I tell you this because I, like, TOTALLY didn't know Mormons believed in the second coming. And finding out that they do is almost MORE AWESOME than the actually second coming itself.

Oh man, thats classic. I think I'll buy that for my ex-Mormon sister who's getting married to her non-Mormon boyfriend next month, as a wedding gift, LOL. I still remember when I was 14 years old, being TERRIFIED that I'd never get my drivers license because my mom told me the 2nd Comming was almost here. Talk about putting the fear of God into someone, haha.

So now I'm wondering what Jesus will say to the teens..."DUDES, like don't be afraid! I've like totally risen again, right? So now we're all gonna kick it in heaven, God-style! WORD."

Hey this looks like a great group going to hell, even if we are burning, we will have so much fun making fun of those people who aren't there. I grew up Southern Baptist with damnation taught to me three times a week...some how I escaped. My Mom constantly says to me, "I know where I'm going." Yeah, she knows where she's going, after she just gossiped about one of the ladies in her Sunday school class.

I was just SURE that was a Photoshop job, 'til I saw your comment, dooce. And now I'm just...stunned. And a little giggly. Hee.

Oh Dooce! How you entertain me! I'm married to a "recovering Mormon" though I was never Mormon, I worked for a Mormon dentist for a few years...

I have to say your religious posts are my favorite! And I have to ask.... Do they wear those classy underwear in the Celestial Kingdom? When my husband gets home, I will definitely be asking about the masturbation pamphlet. I didn't see in the LDS section of books at the local Wal*Mart. ha!

Thanks for your site! I love it! And thanks to the ads for Big Love, I wait every week with anticipation and wonderment of what you might comment.

BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

It's like "The Day After" but only the righteous will survive.