Persuasion
Marlo eats a bowl of Cheerios every morning (what? my kid? a creature of habit? GO ON.), but wait. That’s not accurate. There are Cheerios in the bowl. Cheerios must be in the bowl. But she doesn’t eat them. She spoons the milk around the Cheerios into her mouth until all that’s left is a [...]
Top ten tracks of 2011
Last night I was browsing Pitchfork’s Top 100 Tracks of 2011 and came across a song by a 17-yr-old artist from London named Archy Marshall (now known as King Krule). I was not expecting to see what I saw or hear what I heard, and I’m just taking personal, selfish satisfaction that the Universe produced [...]
Festive up in here
Last night we finally put up the Christmas decorations including two separate trees. That’s right. TWO TREES. Look at me with my two cars and my two trees. You know what? I’m not even going to apologize. Kanye sure wouldn’t. There’s a tree in the living room where we’ve hung all the nostalgic ornaments that [...]
Hostess
Oh, hey. Hi there! Remember last week when I wrote on my Internet Website Blog Thing about suicidal ideations? Yeah. Those were fun times. No? Not really? What, did my mom call you? MOMS. We really know how to ruin a good party. I had someone write to tell me to stop whining, and I’m [...]
Give em whiplash
Maggie: “Her name is Nicki Min-EYE.” Helen Jane: “?????” Maggie: “I heard her pronounce it that way.” Me: “Maggie, I’m pretty sure it’s Nicki Min-AHHHJJJ.” Helen Jane: [staying out of this, staying out of this, staying out of this] Me: “Here, wait. Let me find that Kanye song where she rhymes it with MENAGE.” Maggie: [...]
Vistas
It’s been a month since I ran that marathon, and while my foot has mostly healed my left knee is not forgiving me. “Heather,” it whines when I when I walk down a flight of stairs. “Remember at mile 14 when I told you I wasn’t up for that shit? And you played it like [...]
A shared paradigm
My psychiatrist after saying something raunchy: “If anyone ever tells you that you take it too far you can tell them that it’s nothing compared to your conversations with me.” Me: “And then I’ll list the number of diplomas on your wall.” Him: “I should have one up there from the time I served in [...]
Channeling Kansas
Last Wednesday night I was in the kitchen preparing dinner when my mom called the home phone, and can I just run my car off of a bridge for a second? The only reason we have a home phone is because we live in some sort of cellular black hole. If you call my cell [...]
Stuff I found while looking around
- Shaving the Movember mustache. – Jon says I’m not allowed to make fun of him for this anymore: Passing through a doorway, whether we’re entering or exiting, creates something called an “event boundary” in our mind. That event boundary “separates episodes of activity and files them away.” You don’t have ADD, silly! You just [...]
And the flippers? Darling.
I had no idea bodyboarding was so badass, but after watching this I think I’m in love. Such a gorgeous piece of work, and I won’t ever comprehend how they shot some of that footage. Wait for it at 1:28. I think I just figured out the next bullet point on my life list. There [...]
