I’m just a little angry. I went to your website. I read from the archives. Something about wanting to tell your bishop something about “how many sex positions you were in before you got married, while drinking a coke and wiping your mouth with your bikini top”. Are you kidding me? Who are you? Satan’s mistress?

Where in “hell” and I use this word literally- do you get off trashing bishops and woops, sorry-the actual church of Jesus Christ?

Because let me let you in on a little secret little sister…it really is His church. And you’re using all of your mega-arrogance-ego-fueled power to tear it down, directly and indirectly. You are worse than Alma the Younger on his worst day, and deep down you know this. I am not usually ashamed of anyone, but I am ashamed of you.

You could be changing the world for good. Revolutionizing it. You might have noticed the world could use a little help. You are a spoiled brat. You name 20 things that people in this world could give up for someone-and it’s likely I gave those up to join the church of Jesus Christ.

And then I read your blog. I want to be ill. Your “power” is transitory. And your day of judgement is coming. I hope He is more merciful than I would be. You are very fortunate that He still loves you. Ironically, He’s your best, and likely your only hope when the heyday is over.

Stop spitting on Him.

Dear Heather
Constructive criticism is not something you take well, and I’m not in your targeted marketing pool, but I hope you’ll respect the fact that I’m taking the time to write you and read what I’m about to write; I have only the best intentions.

You only care about Bangladesh because a celebrity asked you to care.

It’s your McDonald’s-eating, Yahoo-using readers that are responsible for just how fucked up the world is, and you’re helping to sustain that. And by using the shocking poverty of the Bangladeshis to solicit more readers to your blog, you are profiting it from it and using it to feed your family. It’s morally reprehensible if you are clever enough to know better.

Like Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann, you probably did not get the memo, attending as you did a university in Utah. It’s too late for you to be properly oriented, I realize, but perhaps you can better educate yourself.

I’ll admit it – I only read your blog waiting for inevitable crash and burn. That moment when your readers finally figure out what a vapid waste of time they’re financing. I think you’re getting very close. Advice for small business owners?!? You’re not a business! Yes, you’re getting paid, for now. For surfing the internet and writing in a very one-dimensional style that’s getting old. For claiming you’re a “working mom” when you have assistants and your husband doing rudimentary tech work.

Let’s get to your advice. You advised people to spend far too much on useless crap because you guys were too lazy to do the work yourselves. A Lawyer?!? Are you stupid? No, I guess you’re just “mommy blogger” rich enough that you can piss away that kind of money.

I also question your decision to give up decent health insurance with two marginal children. And two adults who require therapists AND marriage counselors.

Now I’m going to be nice, although I don’t know why. Please devise a backup plan. Because parading your wonderful new house and life is starting to grate on even the people who like you. You’re closing comments more and more and you’re deleting a lot of comments from the entries that are open. You know people are getting tired of the same old tired routine. You don’t actually DO anything. I know following your Personal Trainers’ instructions, going to psychiatric appointments, locking your dogs up, decorating a home that most people have to work for, etc seems like work, but it’s not. It’s great for you that you’ve been able to do this on the back of advertisers, but it’s not going to last.

I have a lot of personal insults I’d like to share, but I won’t. Your hair is your choice. Clearly not your husband’s.

In conclusion, given your well-known inclination toward revenge, I’d like to invoke the rule of common courtesy that this is an email between you and me. You can reply and be as scathing as you want, but if you try to pursue me or out me, you are breaking decades long rules of etiquette. I didn’t post to your blog publicly and I expect the same of you. If you choose to do so, I can assure you that you will be the one who looks bad.